Latest Newsworthy News

(for the week ending)

Sunday 10-31-04

1. Man, we are on the edge of some major kind of something. Here's your media update: Thousands of nuclear warheads, or missiles, things that make you go "boom", like BOMBS, whatever they are, all have been stolen from Iraq. 380,000 lbs. of explosives; gone. That's enough 'earth-shattering kaboom' for at least 2 full planet earths (maybe), but the big news story today is about Ashlee Simpson lip-synching on SNL. I'm over here going "huh?". Isn't there a new Bill Hicks DVD out with 3 of his best live performances ever--and isn't that better entertainment news than any Simpson sister shitting herself on tv? BOMBS; okay? Thousands of fucking bombs have been stolen from an already unstable country; lip-synch my hairy white ass, Ashlee. I oughta be a newscaster.
This is from my own personal news (Tuesday); is your diary this good?

2. What a fucking week for news! The past 10 years have blown the shit out of a few "myths" our dumbass teachers taught us; magic, ghosts, energy creation, legalized pot in California, life on Mars, the Loch Ness Monster, and there's more (look at me brilliantly staying away from "perpetual motion"). Today, Thursday this week, we turn our attention to Indonesia, where scientists have unearthed a new species of tiny humans who lived as recently as 12,000 years ago. A whole race of little people, 3 feet tall and 55 lbs., they were eventually wiped out by a big volcano--that's also very cool. There is the possibility that these "hobbits" mixed with humans, too. I wonder what the present-day faeries in England think about all of this; maybe they'll be coming out soon. Naaa.

3. I don't have a 3. It was a good week with just the 2. Sorry; no 3. Hang on; maybe I can stretch one out here. The California docks gridlock: It used to take 3 or 4 days to unload a big cargo ship at the docks, now it takes 2 weeks. There aren't enough workers, and the machinery to unload them is scarce and old. Rather than hire more workers or get more equipment, they all just complain about how it's not getting done. Brilliant. Mega-retailers are going to be pretty pissed when they don't get their big pre-Christmas orders until February. Ha. I can't wait. Hey; what about 2 and a half? Shit.

2 and a half: From the creatively named land of water shortages and green golf courses, we have this; in Scottsdale, there is a dog obedience school named "Sit Happens". I want a t-shirt.

This Page is Also Now:
The Old Newspaper News Links Page

It finally dawned on me (many months later) to create a link to older News items. Some of the previous comments have been really good, and many of them are lost now, but such is life:

Most Recent Newspaper News
Starting 8-29-04

2nd Most Recent Newspaper News
Starting 4-20-03

Recent Newspaper News
December 22nd 2002 to April 13th, 2003

Relatively Recent Newspaper News
September to December, 2002

Not So Recent Newspaper News
June to September, 2002

Old Newspaper News
Febuary to May, 2002

Older Newspaper News
September, 2001 to January, 2002

Oldest Newspaper News
July to September, 2001

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