Old Newspaper News 3

(Since January of 2002)

Monday, May 27th, 2002 (Memorial Day)

#1 President Bush outlined an "Initiative for a new Cuba", where Bush demands this and that, huffs and puffs like the short little pussy he is, and INSISTS that Cuba change to a free and fair country before he'll lift ANY trade or travel embargos.

Overnight Guy's Comment: First; Bush sells out New York. Then he fire bombs Afghanistan. Then he threatens to blow up Iraq. Now he is screaming in the face of Castro--who might be linked to God only knows what kind of communist nightmare. Go back to sleep now.

#2 Huntington Beach, CA: The town that calls itself "Surf City USA" faces another year with "no explanation" for the sickening germs that have periodically closed its famous beaches since 1999. A $5.1 million study concluded that the daily release of 243 million gallons of sewage 4 miles away is NOT the culprit.

Overnight Guy's Comment: 10 million gallons of sewage is released, EVERY hour, near this beach, but that's not the problem? How fucked up can a study be to NOT see a connection?

#2 and a half: Kokomo, IN; There's a constant, low-frequency hum that's driving some locals crazy. Officials deny it, because that's what they get paid to do. An accoustical engineer has detected some low-frequency sound, and recommends further research.

Overnight Guy's Comment: This has happened in other places with government testing, and officials denied it there, too. We people with sensitive ears won't be going to Kokomo anytime soon.

Other newspaper news: UC-SF (a California college) admits that it has attempted human cloning last year, but the Defense Department waited 40 years to admit (this week) that they had sprayed U.S. sailors with nerve gas back in the 1960's. Featherless chickens (the KFC dream) are alive and well in Jerusalem. 22 million children under the age of 5 are obese ("eat mor chikn"). I sighed when I read about a stampede at an Eminem concert, because nobody was seriously hurt...(In Great Falls, Montana, Nathaniel Bar-Jonah has an extensive record of crimes against children. Not only does he sexually abuse them, but in 1996 he cut-up, cooked and fed one to his unsuspecting neighbors. Unfortunately, this great man won't be doing any more babysitting because he's been sentenced to 130 years in prison.)

#3 A lullaby from the desert: Puebla, Mexico; A truck carrying 96 tons of sodium cyanide (very lethal) was stolen 2 weeks ago. Officials are downplaying this horrific situation.

Overnight Guy's Comment: 2 weeks ago? Sodium cyanide? Downplaying?

There more desert news; Tempe has banned smoking in public, which I find amusing. But here's a sand nugget you can take with you: In Tucson, Roger Wallace, 60, died when the 6 lb. radio-controlled airplane he was flying crashed into his chest.

Sunday, May 19th, 2002

#1 (2 fun facts from America:) Emergency room have had a 500% increase in the amount of Ecstasy-related visits since 1996. In 1998, Americans smoked 470 billion cigarettes. That leaves 176 million lbs. of cigarette butts.

Overnight Guy's Coment: What about Hepatitis C? Wait a second; back to the cigarette butts...The cigarette companies tricked us into being hooked on smokes back in the 1940's; and good for them. But this means that those same cigarette companies have had 60 years to develop (at least) a "partially" degradable cigarette butt, and they're not even trying.

#2 Immigration advocates are whining about wanting all the illegal immigrant criminals made into citizens again. They are going to flood the White House and Capitol with a million postcards.

Overnight Guy's Coment: Tape a cigarette butt to each one, and hurry! The price of postage goes up in a month.

#2 and a half: X-Files! (No, not the show) Enola, PA: 6 students in one school district have dropped dead since December (one per month). All 6 are between the ages of 5 and 18. This is a quiet town of 19,000 people. Officials say there is no cause for alarm.

Overnight Guy's Coment: Define "cause for alarm".

There's other national news, but it really doesn't matter now, does it?

#3 (from the desert) The Phoenix memo was a letter written in July of 2001 and sent to Robert Mueller at the FBI, warning him of all the Middle Eastern men here at Arizona flight schools who were obsessed with learning how to fly jumbo jets.

Overnight Guy's Coment: As you know, the FBI sat on this memo and rotated.

Lots of good desert news this week: Arizona's high school dropout rate is 32% one week, and then it's 11% the next week--according to different studies that cost us taxpayers lots of money (Look at that shit; we can't even count the kids who are at school.) Jeremiah Miller, 22, was killed and his torso was stuffed inside a suitcase outside of a Las Vegas apartment complex (It's just a drug deal gone bad, okay, but you have to respect the old-fashioned semantics of these drug dealers; 2 thumbs up.)
The final bit of desert news is from me; I got my one year physical at the plasma clinic (pocket money). The nurse in charge told me that in the past year of her "advisements", it has gone from 1 case in 10 being infected with Hepatitis C, to 8 cases in 10 being infected with Hepatitis C (Remember that our government didn't want to "bother" us with this information back in 1998.) Me? Fuck you, I have the Hepatitis Anti-Virus, baby. Whether the government or the Aliens, somebody's going to have to keep me around in order to keep the spoon-sharing, tattoed, body-pierced and pathetic human race alive. All of a sudden this became personal news; sorry.

Sunday, May 12th, 2002

#1Some black guy named Chuck Sawyer has created a board game called "Life as a Black Man", and he has already sold many. He was on ABC News hocking them.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I think I want to sue this guy. Why? Because if I had come up with this game, I would be called a racist. And if I create a game called "Life as a White Guy", I'll be called a racist. In fact, I bet that if I even COMMENT on this board game (and I am, duh), then I will be called a racist. So let's go sue this "nigga"; I'm offended already.

#2 Hollywood, FL: Jose Albino Currais Jr., 45, says that 2 priests; Ricardo Castellanos and Alvaro Guichard, held orgies at the Church of the Little Flower in Miami, where the 2 priests would have sex with numerous teenage boys. Currais also says that Castellanos ran a prostitution ring, arranging for Currais and other boys to have sex with visiting seminarians from Rome. Both Castellanos and Guichard have had charges filed against them before, as long ago as 1988.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Catholic orgies inside the church, allright!

#2 and a half: Miami, FL: A 32 yr, old woman (name not released for reasons that will become clear soon) attempting suicide (again) jumped out of a 14th story window, and landed on top of a Honda CRV. The woman got up and walked away--with only a broken arm.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Nothing can be said here.

Other worldly news includes: Congress passed, by a vote of 411-0, to put in place a new $3.2 billion border security bill; and it might even actually STOP some of the illegal immigrant criminals, maybe.

#3 (from the desert): In Mesa, (you almost want to feel bad for this guy, but then again, he's a fucking moron) 9th grade English teacher Bill Ctibor informed his class that they were about to watch Dicken's "Great Expectations" on video...so he pushes play on the VCR...and one of Bill's porno tapes starts playing (oops). Bill and his tape were sent home.

Overnight Guy's Comment: The tape was ALREADY in the VCR, see, so ol' Bill had been watching the porno tape IN the classroom. I wonder if he was stroking his carrot at his desk; you know, and vicariously visualizing some of the little hotties in his 9th grade class?

Sunday, May 5th, 2002 (Cinco de Mayo)

#1 The Supreme Court has ruled that if you cannot prove that the child in the child porn is a real child, then that porn is First Amendment-protected free speech.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Legalized kiddie porn, allright! Can the kids smoke pot in the kiddie porn? What if the pot's not real?

#2 A top aid in Congress' September 11th terror probe, L. Britt Snyder, quit on Friday of last week, continuing and strengthening (if not confirming) the obvious cover-up of internal knowledge about the attack.

Overnight Guy's Comment: There's a thousand different independent news stories that show how we HAD to know about the attack, but this is the first person to quit his job because of it. Cool.

#2 and a half: An FDA survey shows that when you ask a doctor for a drug that you've seen on tv, 69% of the time you will leave with a prescription for it.

Overnight Guy's Comment: We need more drugs on tv.

More good national news: Experts say that a biological attack on us could kill a million people; ha. The Ford Motor Company has donated 500 electric "THINK" vehicles to the National Park Foundation; these vehicles are low-speed, zero-emissions carriers. Slick Willie (Bill Clinton) will get an annual salary of $50 miilion if he hosts a talk-show in 2003 (NBC has ALREADY offered this money).

#3 (from the desert) Phoenix: 2 miles east of where I live, Maricopa County has authorized $120,000 to build a labor center for the illegal immigrant criminals who loiter there while hoping for work.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Target practice.

More desert news: Phoenix is the #1 town in America for car thefts. More people have moved to Maricopa County (where I live) than any other county since the 2000 census.

Sunday, April 28th, 2002

#1 Denver, CO: A 31 yr. old woman, Cecelia Martinez, has been arrested on suspicion of attempted murder for throwing her 7 yr. old autistic son out of a third story window.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Wow. I wonder what that would have looked like from outside the window. Did he splat, did he thud; was it messy? I have questions.

#2 Athens, Greece (the OTHER Athens): 7 new cases of a mystery virus suspected of causing a potentially fatal heart inflammation were reported Wednesday. There are 39 total cases, with 3 deaths so far. Regular schools are closed for the week, as well as dance schools, drama schools, and conservatories.

Overnight Guy's Comment: "Killer Heart Virus" would be a great band name.

#2 and a half: Santa Clara, CA: Al Joseph DeGuzman, 20, was convicted of planning to use his arsenal of weapons in a Columbine-type of massacre of students at his De Anza College. He kept a diary, and had detailed his plan for attack.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Note to the nuts out there; you don't write about it, talk about it, or brag about it, you just fucking DO it--like that 19 yr.old German guy, Robert Steinhaeuser, who killed 16 people at his school, and then killed himself.

There's other newspaper news, too; some male South Dakota college basketball player has AIDS, and was knowingly spreading it to women dumb enough to screw him. Europe has an ant colony that stretches 3700 miles; from Italy to the Spanish Atlantic coast. And everybody's favorite corporate puppet, Britney Spears, is smoking Marlboro Lights now.

#3 (from the desert): A 36 yr.old man (hey I'm 36), David Contreras, was booked on 7 counts of indecent exposure. He liked to drive around in his car, masturbating, and lure kids over from school bus stops to see what he was doing.

Overnight Guy's Comment: #1 He drove AND masturbated (that can't be easy) at the same time? #2 Strange kids at bus stops are a turn-on? #3 When I get bored, I crank up my (dinosaur) Playstation 1 and restart Gran Turismo or GT2. #4 I thought that the point of masturbating was to do it alone; have I been doing it wrong for 30 years?

There's lots more from the desert; we're still trying to get the details on a double-kidnapping, locked in a trunk, bound with duct tape, escape-dash on the highway that got one guy splattered all over I-60 Friday morning. And there was this Glendale guy who drove his truck into 2 teens fighting, leaving 1 of them in critical condition. But the cake-taker may have been when Phoenix 18 yr. old Hai Yuan Liang, who could not swim, dove into a residential pool, panicked--struggled--and drowned as family members watched and laughed (what a family).

Sunday, April 21st, 2002

#1 More than 100 federal government doctors have been convicted of crimes. Federal agencies are required to do background checks of doctors they employ, but they can hire anybody they want.

Overnight Guy's Comment: What a sweet litle list of doctors that would be to post on the internet. Give me a week...

#2 Washington: The INS will probably get a new $362 million tracking system to record the stays of foreign visitors. But the INS only has 1000 agents searching for the 3.8 million current overstayed illegal immigrant criminals here now. "Current". I love that.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Show me the common sense.

#2 and a half: Melbourne, Australia: the American subsidiary of British American Tobacco, Brown + Williamson, has been shredding the files that document the health risks of smoking since 1985; as many as 30,000 documents.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I need to roll my own. Wait, what are we talking about here?

#3 (desert news) Sky Harbor Airport:
Wednesday; 33 employees were found to have faked Social Security #'s to get jobs there. All 33 had access to food, baggage, and planes. Okay, so then on...
Thursday; Mexico is upset with us for targeting hard-working, law-abiding (snicker) immigrant airport employees. They say that we're discriminating.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Shit. I don't even know a Mexican who can say the word "discriminating".

Sunday, April 14th, 2002

#1 (3 massive studies were completed last week; here are about 20 million of your tax dollar$)
This just in: Smaller schools are safer for students!
This just in: Gay + Lesbian high school teens get called names!
This just in: College students drink alot of booze!

Overnight Guy's Comment: I am enlightened.

#2 Port Coquitlam, British Columbia: In 50 disappearances, the 6th murder charge has now been filed against pig farmer Robert Pickton. He may have stalked prostitutes and drug addicts on the city's east end, and disposed of the bodies on his farm.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Quick! Somebody make a movie about this one-man clean-up crew.

#2 and a half: National: The FDA has put a stop to the sale of nicotine lollipops. The 3 internet pharmacies can no longer sell them because they look like regular candy.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Perhaps they could be made to look like cigarettes?

More national news: From the veggie conspiracy files; slaughterhouse workers have BOTH the highest job-turnover rate, and the highest occurence of on-the-job injuries. A 12 yr. old boy swallowed 80 condoms full of heroin and tried to smuggle them into New York (his dad has a $3 million a year smuggling operation). Eddie Murphy, more than just the voice of an ass, will be paid $10 million for his vocal work in Shrek 2 (perhaps you should read that again).

#3 (from the desert): Glendale priest Philip Victor Sturgeon, 58, showed up at a hotel for an orgy with an 18 yr. old tanning salon girl. He was arrested.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I should have been a priest. "The Lord WANTS you to touch my monkey. You, and your cute friend, too."

There's tons of great stuff in the desert this week; a Yuma woman, Cecilia Parra Sanchez, not only smuggled immigrants, but for an extra $500 she would provide them with authentic Social Security cards. An 8-day campaign to inspect trucks in the East Valley was comforting: 199 trucks checked, 1692 violations, 375 citations, and 69 of the trucks were taken off the road.
Drive safely.

Sunday, April 7th, 2002

#1 Washington: U.S. officials have quietly abandoned their hopes of reducing Afghanistan's opium production. This year's harvest is large enough to inundate the world's heroin and opium markets. U.S. officials seek to persuade Afghan leaders to carry out a modest eradication program.

Overnight Guy's Comment: We could have stopped this opium production months ago. Now the world is going to have 3 times as much poppy crop. Hell yes!

#2 Washington: The Employment Policy Foundation did a study and found that single women without children make $1.02 for every $1 a man makes. (perhaps you silly females should read that again) In general, women only make $0.73 for every $1 a man makes.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Here it is, spelled out simply in a government study: women can make MORE money than a man, or women can be overlooked and underpaid mothers.
Thank God for this study.

#2 and a half: Chicago, IL: 2 rival ELEMENTARY schools got into a brawl Thursday that included youngsters swinging bats and sticks, sending 19 children to area hospitals; 23 pupils aged 11 to 13 were charged as juveniles with "mob action".

Overnight Guy's Comment: Bored with sex and drugs, these fine youths needed a new outlet. Good for them.

There's other national news too, but no story wants to follow that Chicago school mess. Would you?

#3 (from the desert) Scottsdale, AZ: (You know that stupid-assed Spanish tradition of 'the running of the bulls'?) Some people in Scottsdale are going to PAY money to be trampled by non-fighting bulls, in a fake version of that Spanish tradition.

Overnight Guy's Comment: You don't need my comments on this.

There's lots more local news here: David L. Anthony was convicted of murdering his wife and step-kids, even though nobody can find the bodies (a crime with no victims, hmmm). Robert Fisher, who possibly shot his wife in the head, then slit his wife and kids' throats, and then blew up their house, is predicted to be living in another state on a fake ID (victims with no criminal, hmmm). Arizona-Department of Public Safety Sergeant Rudy Buck is the ONLY person in charge of making sure that the 28,000 private security guards in our state are properly trained and licensed (by contrast, Florida has twice as many security guards, but 21 agents checking on them).

Monday, April 1st, 2002

#1 Congressman Edward Markey (D-Mass.), said that the nation's 86 most sensitive nuclear power plants fail to screen workers for terorist ties and don't know how many foreign nationals they employ.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I'm sleeping better already.

#2 SW Florida coast: A huge area of black water was noticed off the SW coast back in December. At its peak, in February, the mass was 40 square miles. This dark mass has gelatinous blobs and spider web-like filaments in it. There seems to be no marine life inside the blob, and clouds won't form over it. Fish that swim through the mass go erratic. Samples of the water are finally being tested.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I'm swimming better already.

#2 and a half: At the Oscars, co-star of the movie "Mullholland Drive", some stupid bitch named Laura Elana Harring was wearing diamond-studded sandals that were worth $1 million.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I bought some new shoes, too; $13.

There's more good national news, too: New Orleans Saints cornerback Dale Carter, who signed a $28 million deal this month, has filed for bankruptcy. In Everett, Washington, Indle Gifford King, 40, was sentenced to nearly 29 years in prison for killing his second mail-order bride (his first divorce cost him $55K, and he didn't want to go through THAT again). International bits; Italy can now sink boats carrying illegal immigrants, and France successfully cloned rabbits, wow. (I've never wanted to go to Italy before now; um, boat trip!)

#3 From the desert: Scottsdale, AZ: Jeffrey Joseph Glorioso (drunk while racing his tall vehicle) ran over a car, then fled, leaving 3 to die and 2 to bleed on Scottsdale road. One month before this incident, his drivers' license was suspended for the 3rd time in a year. The day before this incident, he pleaded guilty to reckless driving and got probation, a deal struck to avoid a DUI prosecution, leaving him with just 2 more DUI cases pending against him. 10 days after his arrest in this collision that that killed 3, he's out of jail on bond, again.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Isn't Arizona fun? This is a fun state.

Sunday, March 24th, 2002

#1 President W. wants to create a new kind of nuclear weapon called the "Robust Nuclear Earth Penetrator" (a bunker-buster). Ol' Georgie wants to resume nuclear testing, increase spending on manufacturing nuclear components, and reassemble the nuclear arms design teams that have been disbanded since 1992.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I'm not making this up. Fuck you; I'm serious. Our president wants to resume the nuclear arms race. Who voted for this pussy; I didn't.

#2 Baldwin, PA-Police will file charges on at least 7 children, aged 8-12, for invading the apartment of 2 young women, molesting them, and stealing food. Reports of drug abuse, vandalism, child neglect, and unsupervised children are rampant at the complex.

Overnight Guy's Comment: In a way I'm glad that it's not just me who's having trouble with all these stupid people breeding and their undisciplined children. Let some kids try to get in MY apartment; I'll show you how to deal with them.

#2and a half: (anybody who knows me knew that I would find a story like this eventually...) Roman Catholic Priest Monsignor Russell Dillard, has been suspended for engaging in sexual misconduct with 2 women over a 5-year period.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Yes! A heterosexual priest! I knew it could happen. Wouldn't I make a great heterosexual priest? Sign me up, I'll teach little girls and their mothers how to scream "Oh God!".

Disturbing national trends: 50% of farm workers, 25% of household workers, and 10% of restaurant employees are illegal immigrants.

#3 What a week in the desert! Tucson, AZ: Heather Marie Porzel, 20, a U of A student, gave unassisted birth to a healthy baby girl, and then buried the girl in her yard, where a dog dug it up. Nice, huh? She is in jail on charges of murder, and child-abuse. $800,000 would get her out on bail.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Women and babies, what a fucking joke.

In Mesa, a 4th grade teacher who molested kids back in 1980 was finally fired and indicted. 4 more pipe bombs were found in a car in Glendale--about 4 miles from where I work. Billie Rosen, a high-profile Glendale prosecutor, just missed being shot in a drive-by of her house; of the 4 bullets, one of them hit her brother.

Sunday, March 17th, 2002

#1 New York: The 1994 "Poster Boy for gun-control", Jayson Williams, is in custody on new charges stemming from the tragic manslaughter of his limo driver that was poorly faked to appear as a suicide; conspiracy to obstruct the law, witness tampering, evidence tampering, and hindering apprehension.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Skeletons in the closet, and dead bodies on the living room floor. Can you imagine, in real life, trying to wipe your own fingerprints off of a gun and then putting the gun in a dead guy's hand? And then you've got to wash the bloody clothes, wash the gunpowder off of your hands, then move the body into a believable suicide position, and finally concoct a story with 5 other drunk, high-profile people...This was a train wreck as soon as Jayson touched his gun.

#2 Maricopa County, AZ (where I live): A study done by the Children's Action Alliance has determined that a couple with 2 young children need $50,000 a year just to meet basic needs. A single parent would have to make almsot $40,000. This study was done in Arizona because the state has a relatively low cost of living. An adult couple would have to average $11.24 an hour, or a single parent would have to average $19.01 an hour--just to meet rent, bills, food and medicine. There would be no savings, no money for car repairs, and zero entertainment.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Wow, and just look at all the stupid and poor people breeding. And they keep breeding, too. What can you say about a society like this? Terrorists are not enough! We need a war, an epidemic, and terrorists. Speaking of an epidemic...

#2 and a half: Arizona water (this is a local story in the paper, but you'll sense the national applications): Estrogen, steroids, and antibiotics are just a few of the unstudied contaminants swimming around in Arizona's water. Arizona gets ALL of its water downstream from wastewater treatment plants. Nobody actually knows what kind of mutated health crisis is on our horizon. We still don't even have any real research on the MTBE gasoline additive that has been used for over 12 years. We are going to have to wait and see what kind of people get sick first from whatever attacks first; that's how science works now. Ha.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Now this is exciting.

#3 (staying in the desert) Arizona: With our $1 billion budget shortfall, Arizona's already overcrowded prisons could lose 577 corrections officers in immediate layoffs.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Remember the movie "Natural Born Killers"? There was that prison running at double capacity for inmates, and Tommy Lee Jones was the warden; "This isn't a prison; this is a time-bomb.". As I recall, that situation did not end peacefully.

Sunday, March 10th, 2002

#1 Los Angeles, CA: As many as a dozen priests who were involved in past sexual abuse cases have been told to retire or quit by Cardinal Roger Mahony.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I guess ol' Roger doesn't want to have to fire anybody...Priests and sexual abuse cases go hand in hand...Where have all the good heterosexual priests gone?

#2 Kangori, Afghanistan: Akhtar Mohammed traded 2 of his 10 kids for 2 bags of wheat. Many hungry parents are selling their kids for food.

Overnight Guy's Comment: I'd like to see that marketplace; really.

#2 and a half: Fort Worth, TX: Chante Mallard, 25, a nurse's aid, hit a homeless man while driving. His body was embedded head-first in the windshield--his broken legs stretched out on the car's hood. She drives home and parks the car in the garage; leaving the homeless man to die--while he begged for help. After he bled to death over the next 2 to 3 days, Mallard and friends loaded the man's body into another car, and dumped the body in a nearby park. Mallard might have gotten away with this 5-month old story, except that she was bragging about it at a party. A police search of Mallard's home turned up blood, hair, and other evidence.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Can you imagine? SHE GOT AWAY WITH THIS. Who would you brag about this to?

Others: American kids aged 2-12 average 3 + 1/2 hours a day in front of the tv; 16% of all food service workers admit to drug use; Ireland has now put a 13 cent surcharge on all plastic grocery shopping bags; Arnold the Terminater has taken an $8.4 million paycut for the making of T3--he'll only make $31 million now.

#3 (from the desert) Glendale, Arizona: On Wednesday, a couple of miles straight south from where I work, while I was at work at 1 p.m., a van was pulled over. Police found a bag of meth, and 10 unstable pipe bombs in the van. Police said that static electricity could have set the bombs off at any moment.

Overnight Guy's Comment: What exactly is a "stable" pipe bomb?

Others: Taekwondo mom Lisa Dickey assaulted a coach at a meet in Phoenix, last week's necrophiliac J. C. Bibbee was sentenced to 1 + 1/2 years for fondling a dead girl's body, 14 yr old Phoenix boy Jeffrey Charley told his friends that he was going to kill ice cream vendor Jose Casarez--and then shot the ice cream man dead with a .22 caliber rifle; some 26 yr old lady, Kimberly Roberts, got drunk and high while her special-needs kid drowned at Lake Pleasant.

Sunday, March 3rd, 2002

#1 Raleigh, N. Carolina: A sheriff's deputy shot 2 Fort Bragg soldiers (killing 1) who tried to disarm him. The deputy had pulled the 2 soldiers over on a rural road. The soldiers were involved in some kind of training exercise.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Army soldiers tried to disarm a sheriff's deputy; why? How stupid are our soldiers now? The deputy could have killed both of them easily.

#2 A Florida tech company, Applied Digital Solutions, has the rice-grain sized "VeriChip" ready for implantation into humans. They are asking the government for a permit, and are seeking FDA approval.

Overnight Guy's Comment: The implant goes in your arm. So now the terrorists will be cutting off your whole arm--instead of just your fingers (for fingerprints), to go along with ripping out your eyes (for the retina scan). I don't feel any more secure.

#2 and a half: Jayson Williams has been charged with 2nd degree manslaughter in the death of his limo driver. Jayson was "reckless" with the gun. What's funny is that Jayson Williams has always been "reckless" with his guns. Back in 1994, Williams was charged for firing at an unoccupied security vehicle. That incident led to Jayson Williams preaching gun control to kids; he was even a "Poster Boy" for gun control. Ha.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Some comments don't even have to be made.

#3 (here we go; from the desert) Tucson, AZ: Cochise County medical examiner's assistant John Camden Bibby, 39, was arrested in January for (and has pleaded guilty to) attempted necrophilia. He fondled and photographed the body of a murdered girl. At his home, investigators found pictures of 14 other dead bodies (from 'work').

Overnight Guy's Comment: Why else would you work with dead bodies; what exactly is the problem here?

I want to, but am avoiding the Andrea Yates 'drowning her own 5 kids in the bathtub and now trying to pretend that she was temporarily insane' bullshit. From the "Why didn't I think of that?" department, Steve Kraemer, of "2 Steve's Painting" in Dayton, OH, has coined the new term for those lousy hourly workers we all encounter; "Clockroaches". Americans, on average, eat 28 lbs. of french fries a year.

Sunday, February 24th, 2002

#1 Milton, Fla.-Dr. James Graves, 55, is on trial for the deaths of 4 patients who overdosed on OxyContin. Outside the doctor's office people often had tailgate parties, with music and food. "Graves' Cocktails" consisted of OxyContin, Lortab,and Xanax. The good doctor apparently wrote out prescriptions for EVERYBODY. If "Xanax" sounds familiar, that's because it is the drug that Florida Governor Jeb Bush's daughter Noelle was arrested for .

Overnight Guy's Comment: Can you imagine camping out in a doctor's office parking lot for a weekend? I think it's brilliant; nobody ever invites me to the cool parties anymore.

#2 Gibraltar, no, Spain (shit): 20 Royal Marines (British) went slightly off course in an amphibious exercise, missing Gibralter--and landing in Spain. They hit the beach in full force--blasting mortar launchers, firing their SA-80 assault rifles, and screaming like banshees. Terrified fishermen and local police (armed with sticks and whistles) had to inform them that they were in the wrong country.

Overnight Guy's Comment: How do you MISS a country? Don't they have radar and stuff? I don't know what to say about this.

#2 and a half: 2500 left-handed people die every year from using products made for right-handed people. Not 10, or 15, but 2500.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Wow. Why don't we make fun of them in the news more often?

#3 (from the desert) Maybe you know about Arizona's $1 billion dollar budget deficit; well, you do now. Isn't it also interesting to learn that Arizona gives up $4.2 billion a year in sales tax exemptions to special interest groups?

Overnight Guy's Comment: Imagine if we only taxed those groups HALF as much as we should...then Arizona would have an extra $2 billion EVERY year. See; I look for solutions.

Bonus entertainment news: Sylvester Stallone is suing his former business manager Ken Star for $17.3 million. Ken told Sly to hang on to his Planet Hollywood stock while the business crashed. (Footnote to Sly: you can FIRE your business manager, but you cannot sue somebody that you pay to get advice from. It may have been bad advice, but it wasn't criminal.) Is anybody unclear on this?

February 19th, 2002

#1 Fairfield, Conn.- A legally blind college graduate, 24 yr. old Patrick Arbelo, was arrested this past Wednesday for taking 28 people hostage during a University religion class. He did this by claiming that the small box in his possession was actually a bomb. It was a 4 hour stand-off, and he did not really have a bomb.

Overnight Guy's Comment: 28 people were scared of a blind guy with a bread box? He is blind! He can't put a bomb together; are you with me? Even if he had hired somebody to build a bomb for him, the other person wouldn't give him the actual bomb--because he's blind. Stupid, stupid, stupid, dim-assed bulbs in college; and these are YOUR college kids.

#2 New York: Ronald Popadich (what a great name), the same guy who crashed his sedan into 19 people along a 20-block stretch on Tuesday...car-jacked a Jetta in the same vicinity and drove it into 7 more people on Thursday. He also shot a woman twice on Thursday, but that was closer to his house.

Overnight Guy's Comment: New York's finest let THIS guy back on the street after what he did on Tuesday? I will never go to New York.

#2 and a half: Alexandria Township, N.J.- The body of limousine driver Costas Christofi was found in a bedroom in the house of ex-NBA player Jayson Williams. Christofi died of a gunshot wound to his chest.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Some early reports had Jayson Williams playing with the gun--and it accidentally went off--shooting Christofi. Now Williams' lawyer says that no horseplay was involved; so I guess Jason just blew that poor guy away. I'm not going to New Jersey either.

#3 (2 from the desert; both are too good to miss) A: Steven McMurry, a Phoenix Justice of the Peace, is accused of kicking in the truck door of a man who parked in his place. $420 worth of damage (Now there's a nice, calm, centered type of guy.). B: Mesa- 80% of kindergartners are flunking and will have to repeat, and that will cost us $1.6 million.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Most of these Mesa kids are actually 4 years old; not 5. They don't even know how to share yet, but their parents want them to be reading Shakespeare and shit. Oh Christ; I'll say it: How do you fucking flunk Kindergarten? Stupid, stupid, stupid, dim-assed babies in kinder care.

Ever seen a double shot of National News?

mid-February, 2002

(2 weeks worth)

#1 Athens, Ga (hey, I'm from Athens, Ga): At the University of Georgia, giant steam boilers have been converted to burn chicken fat. Many different alternative biofuels are being used to heat the campus and its water. More testing will be done on car and truck engine applications, as well. This experiment has already surpassed all hopes and expectations; people at UGA are going to be recognized worldwide.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Chicken fat in Athens, Ga? The person who needs to be recognized is Jerry down at Steverino's. Not only does he serve the best wings in Athens, Ga--but he had the 'chicken fat fuel' idea at least 5, if not 10 years ago. Damn I miss Steverino's.

#2 London: Home Secretary David Blunkett proposed an immigration overhaul that would require would-be citizens to pass an English test.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Good job, Dave. We need that, too.

#2 and a half (here's one you can discuss at work...) San Rafael, CA: Winnfred Wright, 45, and his 4 female house-dwellers were charged with murder in the death of one of their 13 children, and for malnourishment and reckless endangerment of the other 12. DNA tests prove that Wright fathered all 13 children, and 2 of the 4 women are currently pregnant (one of them is only 20 years old).

Overnight Guy's Comment: Where to start? Stupid women, stupid children, and they're all trailer trash (they live in a mobile home). Thumbs up to Mr. Wright though; he convinced these 4 dumb bitches to sit in the same trailer and shit out his children over and over. Ha. Women are so cute.

There's other good worldwide news stories too, like when at a Vatican magistrates meeting, the Pope openly remarked "Divorce is a plague ripping apart modern society." Danny Kass, silver medalist in the U.S. sweep of the men's halfpipe snowboarding competition (and Inflate-O-Date owner); after winning said "I'm going to be on the Count Chocula box! Count Chocula!"

#3 Arizona: Our state leads the nation in red-light-running deaths. We also have the highest high school drop-out rate/least educated young adults in America, too.

Overnight Guy's Comment: We might lead the country in something good, too, I just haven't found it yet.

First 2 Weeks of February, 2002

#1 National--47 million Americans eat a lousy diet and don't exercise.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Want some cheesecake?

#2 California--Illegal Immigrants will get a break on tuition at the University of California if they have been residents for more than 3 years.

Overnight Guy's Comment: Don't arrest them; reward them.

#2 and a half: Davenport, Iowa: Reverend Jeffrey Windy, a 31yr. old Roman Catholic priest, was arrested this past Friday for helping to make and distribute the date-rape drug GHB.

Overnight Guy's Comment: This shit cracks me up; this is even better than the ASU prof. in the Ecstasy ring.

#3 (From the desert) Glendale, Arizona (hey I work in Glendale--about 3 blocks north of where this happened): Sylvia Medina, 20, called police to report that her boyfriend, Rosario Borbon, 21, had beaten her. While talking to police officers outside her home, Borbon drove by--firing more than 6 times at the group, and hitting his girlfriend in the stomach. Then Borbon (pay attention) shot himself in the head and crashed his Bronco into a light pole at the intersection of 43rd Ave. and Indian School. It is not clear if Borbon died from the self-inflicted head-shot, or the collision.

Overnight Guy's Comment: (sing it...) "These are the people in your neighborhood; in your neighborhood, in your neigh...bor...hood."

And these are just the stories that I wrote down before January 25th; I've been kind of busy since then--taking care of Static Girl. Everybody should pray for her. And many thanks to those who have...


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