Old Personal News

(starting 4-27-03)

The Official Start of the Writing Season /
Memorial Day Weekend / The Indianapolis 500
Sunday, May 25th, 2003

Sunday afternoon turned into Sunday evening as I typed out a brilliant ketchup metaphor. I remember (distinctly) feeling good about my writing ability. Talked to an animated Brent, then went and partied with Al at Sam's. They threw us out at 10, so we went around the corner. Our evening got cut short when his work called him in.
Monday: So I made it to work with almost no trouble on Monday. Sales maniac again; it wasn't even hard; I just took control and didn't sway. I earned 45 minutes paid--more than anyone else; decided to "invest it" reading my e-mail. So I was having this great day at work, and then I started thinking about how I haven't written a poem yet this year. And (with an hour to go) I came up with some "paired theme" explained poem idea...and it was going okay, but then it was time to skate. Got underwear and groceries on the way home, and then ate some leftover machoroni and Static Girlic-shrooms (nice). Pretty soon we're snuggling, past it, laundry, and then I remembered my poem idea. So then it became an obsession; not just to do it, but to do it better than the first explained poem back in 1999. Writing Poetry For My Static Girl In 2003 was completed before midnight. Yay me. So I hit the bed.
Tuesday: Off to work a few minutes early, and I won't be taking any crap from people on the phone today. I come to work at 7 am; many get there at 6. By 8:15 am, I had the most sales on my program (7), and I was just getting warmed up. I nailed every call with control and assumption. 18 by lunch, and 32 to end the day; I even got in trouble for talking a lady BACK into a sale--ON the recorder (Hey; Joe told me to get some sales, and to bend the rules if I need to. If you have a problem with that, then you go talk to him.) Second place was 23 sales; kiss my hairy white ass. I can own that fuckin' room whenever I want to; like today. I am going to make myself the best salesman there is--so just deal with it. In order to do that we will need a bigger game. Time-shares? Cars? Boats? I don't know; first we'll find a bridge, and then we can jump off of it. "Collections" may be the next course of study. Pocket money while resuming as class clown (forgot my book), and then home to finish leftovers and find another job offer on the machine. PTI, Gilmore Girls finale, and we're just trying to catch up now. Tired, too.
Wednesday: To work at 7. By 8 am I was leading my program again. I led it all day, until the last 20 minutes, and then I was beaten fairly (by a girl). Fairly--except for that she had an extra hour to do it. I count total sales; and she won. The company counts "sales per hour"; and nobody can touch me at SPH. You have to wonder (I do) why they don't use me at something I could make them more money at. Their loss. So I pimped out again (no way), and got ready for my interview. The Discover lady wasn't ready for me, that's for sure. But I did what I could, and then went shopping on the way home. It's ricey-deluxe, and snuggle; then my awesome presentation of the poem to Static Girl--and she smiled big! Yay, and now I will try to not go drinking. After much preparation, I went drinking. Home by 11:30, though, as I am a responsible week-nighter (first weeknight out in 4 weeks).
Thursday: To work at 7. Much harder today; I never had the lead. Then dumbass incompetent women forced me to do their work for them--because they are too busy sitting on their fat asses to do their jobs. If you sense a "disturbance" in my new good attitude, then you would be correct. I expect incompetence from my coworkers (moo); but supervisors have no excuse. Bumper sticker: "Expect Incompetence". Ended the day with a sale, though. Then by Fry's on the way home; the Samsung DVD player I want is the P-231. Home too late for a business meeting. SCF check came in the mail, after I weighed the least this year at pocket money, yay. Went to bed at 8:30.
Friday: Sleep is good. I went to work to find the broken phone at my cubicle. Rather than get upset, I worked with it. Even with a broken phone, and many lost sales because of it, I was not the low person on my program. During lunch, 3 supervisors sat and "monitored" employee drug use in the parking lot. I humorously explained to my supervisors that "You're cheating! You're cheating! You can't do that!". Oh well. It looks like we're going to have some job-openings on Tuesday; want to come work with me--and write your own telemarketing commentary? After work, we're to Fry's for girlfriend's enhanced Matrix CD and TPG's birthday phone. My DVD player is no longer on sale, so I got nothing on Friday. Home for workers' comp chats, and then it's veggie machoroni into great snuggle, getting ready to go meet with Al. Carl's back, and wants to buy land and build houses. Go Carl. We closed it down.
Saturnday: Up at noon; this is going nicely--I recommend Everclear and coffee. More Everclear, and more coffee. Then I wrote out my Annika Commentary. Now I'm trying to figure out how to approach my afternoon. It winds up being a Barney party on the PGA golf game. And that leads back to Sam's--423 million on Southpark pinball. Wow. Home for some good sleep, and we're up at 9 for the race.
Sunday: Varoom. Michael, Helio, and Sam Hornish are my 3. We'll see. A very good race; Gil wins just ahead of Helio. Talked to dad about it; we did our rant about the old days, the drive up and back (rain, traffic, and Cave City), and how it's all different now. I like watching it on my big tv. Static Girl doesn't care much for auto racing, but she lets me have my time at it. Yay.

Sunday, May 18th, 2003

The cake cooled, and was yummy; very rich. Before you know it, it's bedtime Sunday night. And then I'm up Monday morning, with a little of Static Mom's scratchy throat; bummer, for what was to be a major "attitude test" on a less than perfect Monday of compensated phone harrassment. Turns out that my equipment is faulty; that's all it is. My phone frequently cuts off, and I don't even know it; so then I get hung up on--because the people think that I HUNG UP on them. And it takes me a couple of lost sales to realize that this shit ain't my fuckin' fault. Well, and by then I'm already all pissed off and stomping around the room like a spoiled overnight DJ. It took the words (hours later) of night-shift Troy; "You've got 24 sales on a broken phone? That's pretty damn good." And he's absolutely right, of course; but this was a grueling day. Ran out to race (safely) home to take my "mom away from mom" to the airport. Cool. We were a little obnoxious, and made friends. Came home to snuggle on my terrified (from the ride home) Static Babe (I thought I drove okay). So then I added more to my Facts About Telemarketers--The New, Updated and Elongated, Extended Dance Mix--Shhh. Later I had a chat with TPG...

Hopefully I will have talked to him before he sees this (I did), but he pissed me off. Now, it's probably not his fault; it probably comes from the fact that he deals with morons at his job, and then "dependent morons" in his house. See; I'm not like my 2 best friends--who have LET silly little girls from Georgia completely manipulate their entire lives. STT lives in his basement now; but narul CAN'T--because he still does most of the work. Anyway; back to the current situation. Rather than alienate me, TPG needs to be working with me. Why? 'Coz he NEEDS a best friend right now, and IT AIN'T ME who's frustrating him. I should probably stop; but maybe you guys need to know that I was and still am very concerned about my TH1. Okay...

Finally got to sleep, and up for work Tuesday morning--this went better. I have a secret , and I'm keeping it for now (another HUGE thumbs-up to my incredible little boss Joe). We all got an early lunch; but where's my pimp? Thought about how my best friend needs his best friend to be understanding, and I am, so we're all good. After work, to get pocket money, and home for machoroni (what a shock). Girlfriend still seems a bit distant. She's gifted; so she already knew my secret. Later I had a good talk with TPG, and all is well; he knows my secret now, too. And that's it; I'm not telling anyone else. You can all kiss my ass; maybe I need a cigarette. Okay. Then we scraped the bugs out of my water glass and went to bed (don't ask). Hump Day! Not a bad day at work; when I felt snippy, I just kept to myself. Going over the bills that are due, I don't know how much money I have to invest in a new business venture--but we'll see. When Supervisor Pissboy showed up at 1:30, he was all over me again--trying to get me to quit. I mean; 2 guys behind me are asking each other "So have YOU ever fucked a midget?", and 2 girls beside me are talking about used tampons, and Supervisor Pissboy tells ME to watch my mouth. I thought about quitting, and dragging his 'tweener tan ass out by those girlie corn-rows--but then my new attitude kicked back in and said 'this is what your Mom meant when she was talking about a "petty tyrant"'. Well shit; okay, score one for Mom. So on the way out I thanked Pissboy for helping to "keep me in line"--without sarcasm (it wasn't easy), but the new me can handle it. Home to talk to SCF, cook, snuggle and...now what? The music stopped; quick, find a seat! Watched a good West Wing finale, 2 good Southparks ("Roller" and "4 Legs"), and went to bed at 1 am again. Up and to work a hair early; after confirming(?) that the kitchen ants are coming in through the dishwasher. And my shower makes the kitchen wall drip--like some kind of Father Mancuso/Amityville Horror nightmare (great 70's reference--but wrong). Am I at work yet? Started well, and continued through the scratchy throat like a pro. The big movie review this week is for the "Reloaded Matrix", which may be great, but is going to leave us strung out worse than "The Empire Strikes Back" did--remember Han Solo frozen in carbon? (Those bastards!) In the news, some Japanese doomsday cult is also claiming that the 10th planet fly-by will end the world next week; great (and me with no clean underwear). My pimp almost made things right--we still have a little work to do. It was payday, too. Then I'm off for my 2-year pocket money physical; no parade, not even ice cream. I did get a hot babe's phone number, though (okay, it's just Shelly, but she's still a babe). No insurance pay, no DES, and I just missed the bank closing at 7 pm; but I was too tired to be upset. Home to hug my Static Girl, and demolish leftover machoroni. It's already 9 pm; this is bullshit. Where the fuck is this "life" I'm supposed to have? With this attitude, a little e-mailing is a bad idea--but I felt better. To bed at 1 again. Turned my alarm off first thing Friday morning, but woke up only 15 minutes late. To work, no air conditioning. Then we got chewed out about production (because our work is so different now); so I decided to become a sales machine. Pimpster made it right, then I left work to go do yesterday's errands. My car insurance has gone up again!? Rather than kill the evasive insurance girls, I came home to prepare a 3-course veggie feast. Snuggle, then I'm preparing for an Al-less Sam's run. Great Jurassic pinball; top 2 scores, and 2 good games of golf. Home to eat nothing and crash. Up before 9; getting ready for the Matrix. Great idea; good movie, and the theater was only about half-full. I have errands to run now; mail, gas, and got 1 of my 3 broken watches fixed. Looks like I'm missing TPG today. But girlfriend and I watched the 2 hours of secret KGB files; have you ever seen a mass alien abduction happen live on videotape? Me either; that was pretty cool. Soon enough, it's 8 pm, and time to go back to the bar for more Jurassic Park pinball therapy. But now the game's broken again. Shit. Southpark wasn't much better; then I kicked ass on golf. Home to contemplate the esoteric qualities of Van Halen lyrics (aka: "scratch + sniff"), "I'm your ice-cream man, stop me when I'm passing by." I can completely entertain myself, thank you. Slept in, and still got up before noon Sunday. I broke my 2-cup limit on coffee around 3 cups ago; oops. But my head itches, and I've got a pretty good sweat going, so it might have been worth it. I need to get busy on laundry and phone calls. And I want some ketchup, too. I have issues.

Sunday, May 11th, 2003
Mother's Day

That was some good coffee; thanks again to S. Cackalackey. Volunteering at a hospital would be a nice and noble thing to do. Tried to call Dad, and then called Mom on Sunday; no fights, no yelling, no hang-ups; a pretty boring talk with the Queen of Silly and Round--but we'll take it. Up to TPG's for neighbor Tina's lasagna, but ol' TPG ain't feeling so hot. So I left him and came home. Watched some tv; taped Jackass. Stayed up and tried to write, not much there, so bedtime. At work a few minutes early on Monday. I read the paper, and worked my little nothing job, just like a good boy. After work, we stopped and dropped a resume at the Mortgage place (Carl should call), then went to the 2nd MCI interview. Shirley hired me; I'm just paperwork and pee away from MCI. Must go check out Discover Card on Wednesday. Home, finally, around 6 pm. Soon we're heading to the airport to pick up Mama Meier. TCBY, and we're home. I'm not too tired, but went to bed soon after. Up Tues. morn early, had time to blast 3 songs under headphones before work; "Save Yourself", "Greyhound Part I", and "Bicycle Song". It wound up being a pretty good day at work, believe it or not, then pocket money, and a long drive home. Very long. We discovered something weird, something strange, something that TPG assures me is NOT so strange; but you judge it yourself.

In a high-stress, telemarketing room sales floor, during a monitoring session, where most people are nervous and teriffied of doing something wrong--I am Mr. Calm. YOU can't spook me; I KNOW what I'm going to say; I KNOW how I'm going to say it, and I KNOW that it WORKS most of the time. I smile; I welcome the challenge, and the potential constructive criticism from people who do know more than me...I did very well at work today, and alot of people did not; some people even got in trouble. Later, while driving home during rush hour, THAT'S when I almost lost it...So I can do the biggest challenges; they barely concern me. But then many "easier" things have a way of bringing me all the way down. Who dreamed up this crap deal? Do other people experience this? Is this "standard operating procedure"? TPG (who runs a restaurant) says the same stuff happens to him, and I have seen him shine in some stressful situations. He says that this is all very normal; but what the hell does he know anyway?

So Static Girl, Static Mom, and I all piled in Gus to go get pizza. It's kind of hard to feel stress when your girlfriend's mother is buying you pizzas (News flash: Static Mom likes me!). And yes, that was "pizzas"; as in, more than one. Yum. We all watched Pet Psychic, and then they crashed early. I had a nice talk with TPG, as mentioned above. 11 pm, and no heartburn yet; what the hell is going on here? And I should mobilize for bed now. Should...Went to bed by 1; so what? Up and to work Wednesday; earned lunch early; wound up working 7.5 hours, yay. This was the day that I trained the crack-boy, and NOBODY thought he would be back. Home to change clothes, shave, and go to Discover. I just filled out an application; they'll get back to me in 7-10 days. So I delayed MCI for now; still no word from the Mortgage place. Was going to go to TPG's and talk business, but it fell through. Watched a great West Wing with the Meier women, ate some yummy veggie cous cous, and tried to go to bed while starting to re-read "Think and Grow Rich". Up Thursday for work. No crack-boy. 2 hours late, crack-boy shows up; sober, showered, and ready to train. (What kind of job lets you show up 2 hours late on on your 2nd day? My job; apparently.) He even got a sale; wow. Go crack-boy! I'm over there flirting with Casey; duh. I even hand-wrote her my special script--because I'm so cool. Then I'm reading the Rep from the Thursday paper, you may not know it--but Everclear is playing in Phoenix on Sunday/Mother's Day/Girlfriend's 30th birthday. There is no way I can be there; bummer. But I read a very positive review of the new "Slow Motion Daydream" Everclear CD, and (read slowly; see if you can catch it before I say it) I thought "Okay; so Art and his buddies are being dicked around by Captiol Records--so I won't buy this CD new--Capitol dipshits will get no coin from me. But I WILL go to (independent) Zia records and buy a used copy of it..."; okay, did you catch it yet? Earlier, I called MCI my "back-up plan" for employment--what a crock! MCI, Discover, and the Mortgage place are all 3 front-runners; and all 3 are excellent places to be employed. If I resort to a back-up plan, then that plan is Zia Records! Joined at the hip with Edge 103.9 already, and run by people who look like they should be standing outside the GA Theater in Athens anyway. Talked to Shawn, need to catch up with Manager Mike at 40th st and Thunderbird. Home for old pizza and Star Wars movies. TPG wants to go to a meeting; so I did. On the way, I explained to him that I expect his COMPLETE support in the beginning; he'll put at least 20 or 30 people in my downline--I'd do the same for him if I was first. Met Speaker Steve Welch (Burn the Boats), and remembered a few names. Got a book, too. To Denny's. Home after 11 pm. It's 1 am, drugged up, and I want a cigarette. Bye. Too tired to smoke, bedtime. Up and to work Friday. I was the life of the work party; lots of sales, too. Wrote out a review for the new Everclear, and some other stuff, too. At lunch I hooked up with my new pimp again. After work, I'm heading to Dr P.'s to be discharged! I am in pretty good shape. Home to hear about the girls' balloon ride, and eat yummy veggie lasagna. Allright. Now I'm getting ready to go play with Al. Went to Fry's first, to get a cheap gallon of milk...Saw an orange display cooler for Mountain Dew. Orange? I consider myself to be an expert on Mountain Dew, and I didn't know about this "Live Wire" stuff. There're no tv ads, no billboards, no mailings, and no spam for Orange Mountain Dew; who the fuck came up with this plan? I don't even like orange soda, but you can damn sure bet on my drinking some kind of sunrise-flavored Dew. Do not discount the possibility of my being the next pitchman for the Dew. They can make make fucking baby-assed pink fat girl Mountain Dew, tell men to not drink it, and I'll STILL run an IV of it into my arm--just to prove that I will keep Mountain Dew in business. And I'm not mad at Mountain Dew, now or ever, and won't be; I just didn't know about this orange shit; I would have pre-ordered a couple of cases. perhaps I should move on...So I bought 2 of the last 3 bottles in the display cooler (leaving 1 for any other fellow Dew freak), and headed back home. Then it's to the bar, and Al. Golf, and then I became responsible again. Home before 11:30, and then up at 8:30 am Saturday morning. Wow. Got lots of stuff done. Telemarketing Commentary,and typed out my Everclear's Slow Motion Daydream Review, too. Then we all went to the Crooked Sky to find out that Oregano has been sold (it's the lesser of all evils). Boo. But the Crooked Sky will live on at 83rd Avenue and Bethany Home Rd; yay. Then we cruised the strip in Glendale, and wound up at the awesome Sweet Tomatoes restaurant. Then it's PetSmart and Wal-Mart, and home to wind down. I listened to Everclear's "Daydream" 3 times, then "Afterglow", and then "Daydream" again. Wow; "Daydream" is good. Everclear is now the best band in Alternative music history; did you realize that? I did. And then I solved all of Everclear's current problems, too. This was a busy day for me; Captain Traffic Coordinator on the road, proving to my girlfriend's mom how much I like her daughter, becoming the new pitch-man for Mountain Dew, then founding and running the yet still un-named "Everclear Records". I'm staying in and staying occupied; thank you. It's Mother's Day in 30 minutes here; good luck to you. Early to bed, and early to rise, up before 9 am again. Working at the computer; now we have Things That Amuse Me completed. For our Mother's Day celebration we went to see the John Cusack movie "Identity", which was not bad at all. Then I had a great talk with my Mom at home, and now it's 6 pm, and we're waiting for a birthday cake to cool.

Sunday, May 4th, 2003

Last Sunday? That's like, 3 days ago. Boring. Too broke to drink, so I stayed in and worked on the great attitude. Up and Atom, Monday morning, to work to do...Dillard's--all day. But I persevered until they excused all of us an hour early. Went to DMS, and then to Trails. Then to the final installment of physical therapy. Home to cook ricey green and kidney beans; yum, snuggle, and watch crappy tv. Tuesday was my 14 hour day; work, Trails office, pocket money, gas, coupon for Baja Fresh (great food), Walgreen's, and L.A. Fitness to price memberships. I left before sunrise, and didn't get home until 2 hours after sunset? TPG can HAVE these kinds of days, because he can HANDLE these kinds of days, and good for him. But I am not built for this kind of BULLSHIT, okay? I needed a nap, a beer, and a hug before this day was even halfway through, and I got "none of the above". Oh, I kept the great attitude going all day, no problem--I just kept on smiling and smiling at all the "lovely" people in my way. But when I finally got home, I went to the bathroom and shed some real tears, bitch; because this is NOT me. And then; wow, the crying therapy actually helped, and I stayed up until 1 am giggling (kind of incoherent, yes, but still giggling). Wednesday morning started slowly, but payday is its own natural motivater, so I got it together and got to work on time. Got moved next to Kristina again, it's a new mortgage program; she even called me the "most interesting person" she's ever met. And that's sweet. Later it's more gas, more Walgreen's, and home to cook leftovers for a girlfriend who apparently had a really tough day. I pulled almost every trick I know to cheer her up, but she would have NONE of it; oh well. That's the price we pay, sometimes--for having the ideal girlfriend. Then I wrote out Our Apartment. She's still crazy about me; who wouldn't be? Up early Thursday to dress nicely for MCI after work. Kicked ass at work, by the way, and started another commentary about what to do if somebody is in a coma. Did I mention that I found a new pimp? To MCI, and the first interview went well. Katie set me up for a second interview on Monday; I could start May 14th. Then we're getting pocket money, and coming home to try to clean the ants out of the kitchen. 2 very long days this week, and I'm tired. But I am still the man. Friday work was fun. I think it takes a radio DJ to understand just how much fun a "loose" telemarketing room can be on a Friday, especially the last couple of hours. At lunch I went and picked up a "New Times", an "Employees Wanted" magazine, and a "Job Examiner"; now I have to reconsider the MCI thing. Out an hour early; to Safeway for 4 lbs. of bananas for $1, Rolaids and Vitamin C candy (it's all about priorities). Leftover veggie machoroni (probably our favorite food) for dinner, excellent snuggle, and I'm off to meet Al. It's a golf party, with me barely winning the tournament. Fun. Now it's early Saturday afternoon, just trying to catch everything up here. Barney wants me to come and waste the afternoon. I beat him at golf AND 3 games of pool. Lots of rides, and then they left me. To Sam's for a pinball romp. Home to eat and crash. It's now Foglifter coffee before noon on Sunday.

Sunday, April 27th, 2003

So I was hungry on Easter afternoon. I smelled a trip to Waffle House. Had to pass many open restaurants; Boston Market, Fazzoli's, Jack in the Box, yes, but they can't mix jalapenos into their hashbrowns. Plus, at Waffle House, it's all-you-can-eat for $5. That's 2 cheeseburger plates and an omlette, thank you. What diet? So I was full. Came home and ate some Rolaids, too. Stayed up late--wondering if I could remain employed for 4 hours on Monday. Wow. This new attitude toward work is going really well. After 4 hours, I AM still employed. Home for a turkey sandwich (that diet) and a nap. To Dr. Pirie's at 2:30. My IME went very well according to the good Dr.; she's even going to recommend that I am awarded a membership to a fitness center. Maybe I can't sue my "uncooperative" job; oh well. Doc says that I won't be getting any money from anybody else either though, and she proceeded to tell me a couple of horror stories. Great. Well, I hope that you sheep have enjoyed these romps through Personal News and Newspaper News. Because I am soon to be immersed in complicated new details that will not allow for such frivolity. Maybe you'll get a paragraph or so somewhere, but I seriously doubt this present routine will be continuing. Monday afternoon turns into a Pet Psychic, chocolate, snuggly affair. Then Al calls and says 'let's party'. So I got to apply my new attitude toward the bar. It went well. Got up Tuesday morning without too much trouble. Went to work with the great attitude going; made lots of sales, then the computers went down. So we all left early. Pocket money, then I'm home for clam chowder and then a haircut. Heard Radiohead's "Creep" on the way to the haircut, and remembered that it's the only one of my top 5 Alternative songs that I do not possess. Rats. So I sang it loud. Home doing laundry now (he's so productive), and I got a letter from Cox; boo. But this is only a minor setback; a detour onto a different trail leading to the same destination. I did not do all I could have done to get that job; I will do better next time. And then came Wednesday. The new great attitude was whittled down over a long day. At 2:30, I was the only person sent home--that's obvious discrimination. So I went to physical therapy ready to release some tension, and did. Home at 4; very tired. I let girlfriend cook pasta while I sliced olives. I was going to take a nap, but then remembered that smooching on my woman is the best thing in my world right now. Plus I'm too poor to go out. Up Thursday to test the new attitude again. At around 9 am, they moved me. Across from Anna and next to Kristina; I'm surrounded by babes now--this is more like it. We did a new political program; of course I ruled it. Wound up staying 30 minutes late even. Pocket money, and then it's a rush to the westside Cox office for no good help. Home for a quick bite, and up to TPG's to sit quietly until the Thursday night meeting. Started slow, but finished well, it did. Home for a can of tuna. Up Friday to hopefully work a full 8 hours. It started okay, but got hard after lunch. And then came the final hour. Reincarnation, baby! I was motivated; happy, selling and cleaning up. Home to change shirts and go to the close Cox office. No help again. Oh well. Home for rice, snuggle, and then I'm off to meet Al. It's a party. I ruled golf. Al says that somebody from American Express will be calling me Tuesday or Wednesday. Okay. Home to strew clothing everywhere and shit on the bathroom floor; I don't even know IF my watch is waterproof, but I found it in the bathroom sink Saturday. Awoke on Saturday to e-mail LoriMac while drinking 3 cups of coffee. Wound up making 2 trips to Fry's grocery; one of them was a nice walk with my yummy girlfriend. Cooked veggie machoroni and watched some crappy tv. Got turned down for a job at Qwest online, and still I'm in a good mood; you can't stop me. I'm not only poor, but broke; and will be broke until May 15th. Thanks. Somewhere this week, I wrote the update on Ray Krone, and good for him. Stayed up all night Saturday night, so I don't see Sunday until noon. Coffee time.

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