(...last month we were...)
Reading: Hard to stay focused on reading shit, with my lack of ability to concentrate and all...Ooo; multiple bold print type-o's on page 2 of the 6-23-08 newspaper...
Watching: G4 is the channel where I found the "King of Kong" movie.
Class Projects: Showtime's "Maxed Out"--the credit fiasco...4 hours of Andromeda Strain was pretty good...New Dr. Who is still amazing..."Crude Impact" (oil dependency) on Sundance, and "The Great Warming" on Sundance, narrated by Keanu and Alanis...
Shit I watch alone: "King of Kong; Fistful of Quarters" (A); very good stuff...Dot.Kill (C-)...Sarah Silverman's "Jesus is Magic" was great, and semi-disturbing--like an old SNL...cable horror B-movies "Living Death", "The Butcher" and "The Woods" (I should be making movies), 1996's "Riot" (good), "The Descent" and "The Alien Within" were jokes, "American Psycho 2" with MY Mila Kunis (yum-baby, and the movie was okay, too), 2006's "Incubus" and 2000's "Rated X" were okay, 1995's "Out There" movie had good social commentary, and became the future title of Richard and Kate's tv show (no longer available here in big O)...1983's "Chained Heat" (topless Linda Blair), 1997's "City of Industry" (topless Lucy Liu), Weeds came back 6-16-08, .
Rentables: Having watched Jeff Dunham's "Spark of Insanity", and as we wait for the new special that he recorded THIS month (6-2008), I rented the Jeff Dunham "Arguing With Myself"--excellent!..Re-watched my "House of 1000 Corpses", because it's possibly the most ambitious horror movie ever made (part 2, The Devil's Rejects, was also good; God bless Rob Zombie)...
Watching and Hearing: TV commercials are bastardizing all the music of my childhood--just like my Dad said it would...Okay; are there going to be THREE new flavors of Mountain Dew? That's kind of exciting...
Hearing: Tons of NIN; how would we get Trent, Scott and Ken (NIN and Crystal Method) together for some brainstorming?..Garbage, Pumpkins, Knapsack, The Ty Curtis Band's "Stubborn Mind" (new music coming soon), Orbit (MY FCP/LDG), More Pure 80's, Slowburn Blues, The Best Blues Album in the World Ever, and new Weezer everyday! I will have to report on the Offspring and Filter next month, or add-ins next week.
New on the radio; New Offspring came out on 6-17-08...It would be fun, someday, to say "ME! ME ME ME ME ME; I am BACK on the air--kiss my hairy White ass! Hide your porn and your pets! This is not a test! This is a live feed from a cereal killer's crawl space, and this will not end well! Ha-haaaaaaa! Smell my finger!" Man; can you believe they kicked me OFF the radio 10 years ago? Well; they HAD to. Otherwise I would've taken over.
Musical Purchases this month: From the Tom Tucker bargain wall at CDWorld, Filter's "Title of Record"...Then after winning $70 at poker, that became the new extended Weezer disc (excellent, check out track 5; 'Dangerous'), new Offspring, used "Short Bus" Filter, used "Amalgamut" Filter, and wound up with multiple "Title of Record" Filters (apparently I am the biggest Richard Patrick fan ever), and a present for my LDG...$40 more at poker is the NEW Filter CD (Hi again, Richard), and...my head hurts.
Out and About: DJ barkeep has been playing the band Clutch for me, as well as Mendoza...Fred Meyer had a Bruce Hornsby day...Counting Crows, Rolling Stones, and Natalie Merchant at Dollar Tree...
Singing: "Time Warp"--Rocky Horror, "Zombie"--Cranberries, "Jam on It"--Newcleus, "Find Your Way Back"--Starship, "Lioness"--Caviar, "How Long"--Hank Shreve, it is hard to remember any of the shit I sing on a daily basis. Be glad you cannot hear my internal jukebox. Ow, my head.
What I want today: I want to discover the secret to sustainable income, but not from enduring employment. Fuck that. I want an 80-gallon trash bag full of weed, and clones of my girlfriend and FCP to lick everyday. And an air-conditioner!
New stuff this month or so: Joke-Writing 101; I've been showing novices how to write/add to, and follow up jokes at my bar. Joke-Writing 101's first exercise: "Tonight I'm going to get trashed (like?)--like a college dorm dumpster baby."...Space Cadet pinball is now (sort of) on my computer, sometimes (10 mil)...My beautiful 25-inch tv is slowly dying. Send $!..For consumers: Watch how popular bicycles with electric motor assistance (whizzers) become, as well as scooters, motorcycles and moto-cars (2-seater tiny cars built around motorcycle engines), as gas goes past $5 a gallon. For commerce: multiple rail systems (electric, steam, etc.) will be updated. This is not rocket science; this is American, can-do, ingenuity...X-Files movie comes out July 25th!..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Dollar Tree takes food stamps; who knew? Candles, mouthwash, hot sauce + incense from Dollar Tree...My old Cash King is now going to be a mini pet-mart.
Occupational Hazards: Ha! Oh wait--you're serious. Never mind.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: My back pops like popcorn when I stretch it sometimes; it scares people...'Catch more bees with honey than vinegar'? Maybe YOU can, but I cannot. I try to be nice to people, but people are just confrontational fucks. As soon as I sense uncooperation from now on, I am going to cut loose. Must remember; I get mine up front...Made in China, my pretty Crater Lake coffee mug died in a dishwasher accident. I'll find another mug made in the USA...New bar; the Black Forest, (2nd game) 422 million on their Pirates pinball--#3 score. Pinball bartender Jason described me as an "obnoxiously good pinball player"...Finished my return commentary to Susan Jacoby on Arrogant Apathy (look for it on this webpage, somewhere)...At my bar, 145 mil on Nascar pinball with a weak (barely fucking flipping) right flipper. 145 mil; you don't know anybody who else who could even get 100 mil on that game right now. Days later, ORB turned the machine off because the right flipper is so difficult. ORB turned the fucker OFF! I turned it back on and got the new 146 mil high score--weak flipper and all. Ha. Medieval Madness is late to my bar...My hybrid survey (May 2008 Survey) from that survey site is okay, but I need to make my own fucking survey...Over 2 days, I won $70 playing poker (it's about time)...Medieval Madness pinball showed up on 6-20. On 6-28 I got the new 547 mil high score, then won $40 playing poker. It's been a decent month.
New foods this month: Cheap; affordable. Fake chicken burgers, and those yummy fake ribs (I am quite impressed). Hot sauce can fix almost anything...Multiple batches of Static Girl lentil soup, and more cookie bars. Yum...She made crispy tofu square thingies; I liked 'em...Celery helps so many dishes (shredded green crunch)--like my new intact Rigatoni. The Rigatoni gets better with each batch..I created 'tempeh skillets', and they are excellent...From Fred Meyer, the Kroger garlic powder seasoning "California style" is amazing...Why haven't I made my own salsa yet? Scratch that; Bullet salsa is good, and HOT!..Buffalo Bleu Kettle Chips...Girlfriend's Garbanzo/Olive hummus is Yummus!..The chili garlic paste is crying hot; it's made by that same Rooster company in CA...
This month of Blues Jamming: 6-5; quiet Blues Jam w/no MT, and no explanation why. No Wolfgang either--it was quiet!..6-11; went to Wed.s night at Diablos to see MT and the Downtown band. Band was good, but MT never showed...6-12; inside at my bar. MT showed and played some of my songs--no Wolfgang. Warm-up was the new barmaid song--nice!..6-13; Tony Rae's (+ Common Ground) first full gig at my bar; they sounded great. 6-14; The Ty Curtis Band (Google this 21 yr. old prodigy) rocked another close-by bar. I partied with the bar owners, and yelled like a maniac; we all had fun. 6-19; Blues Jam inside; MT, and a full arsenal. A 4-set masterpiece, with Axel in control. 6-26; MT was not only there, but also running the sound for the night. I was trashed early; gee, imagine, but it was gooood...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: the bible said to serve your family and country, right? But if your country's military (service) is being "used" in an illegal and murderous war, then why would I serve my country? I don't want a family either; so now I have nothing to serve but (God and) myself. And if I live under the reign of a God-less government, then I have a RIGHT to be torn and confused. And; God has some explaining to do; sorry about that, God, but this is YOUR deal. 'Fess up, and show us some wrath...
What's different here than in college town: Peaceful protestors are getting tazered (?) for no good reason; that wouldn't happen in the Classic City...We have a 24 yr. old female substitute teacher who rapes and sodomizes middle school boys; imagine if it was a guy raping and butt-fucking 12 yr. old girls...Kroger groceries are popular in Georgia; I wrote a song about shopping at Kroger (Roll Start) when I lived there. Fred Meyer grocery stores (part of Kroger) is a Portland-based business. Now you know. We have a Fred Meyer within walking distance...UGA advances to, then loses the final game of the college World Series; congrads to Fresno State, they are our Dawg cousins, and they were the best team this year!..Instead of gas-hog mowers clearing weeds beside the highways, Oregon utilizes herds of goats to EAT the weeds. Farmers get paid, goats get full, and highways stay mowed. We are fucking geniuses up here!
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: We have this salmonella scare in our tomatos; yawn...For our Olympic Trials, we have the Track Town Power Station--with 14 stationary bikes generating energy. The kids get a good lesson...We have an annual World Nude Bike Ride up here, and the promotion is: "Less Gas; More Ass". I like that...
Life with Static Girl: Static Girl says we need bikes for that nude bike ride, but that a nude bike ride sounds very painful. After consideration, I do agree...Twitcharoo and Booberry, The Hungry Hungry Hippos, are now the Happy Hippie Piggies...She's had months to get 4 million on her Space Cadet pinball. I got 6 million on my first night, maybe 5 games in or so. Later I got 10 mil. Yawn...She says I am so deaf that I should learn how to read lips. Huh?..Nobody will understand this: we went 9 days straight without the phone ringing in this house. I call that a victory... You may refer to my excellent girlfriend as "The Shadow"...She'll say it's dumb, but I say it's romantic; I like to lay beside her, facing her, and close my eyes. Then I open my eyes, and SHE is the first thing I see. Yum. Life is good...On my computer screen, she is the post-it note that says "EAT ME!"...I'm over here, trying to play some good songs that my girlfriend will enjoy. Unknown to me, my music has already upset her, and she has shut her door. I've got 6 crates of CD's scattered about, a Depeche Mode tribute ready/hours of music planned; but, this conversation was over before it even began. Damn...She has argued with me for YEARS that I should not drain cans of beans before cooking with them. Evidently (her word), she has become enlightened to the dangers of industrial canning, and she AGREES with me on bean-rinsing now--she even said 'You were right.' to me. Wow...She cannot project what she will want to eat when she gets hungry again--she can only think of food as one current application at a time. She likes it when I just 'cook stuff', and she doesn't have to be involved. She would choose to NOT eat food if it were possible--"eating" is way too much effort. Wow...I asked if she made her garbanzo/olive hummus in my Magic Bullet, and she replied that she doesn't know how to use my Bullet. I would show her--I would even dance for her...Communication: "At some point." When she says this, she is acknowledging that something must be done about a current situation, soon, but certainly not yet...I left her a sweetie note that said "I Like You", and she wrote back on it "Oh Good!". I am sensing sarcasm: "Sarcastic Static"...After I made some strange stains in a bathroom sink (don't ask), she cleaned them, and then left me a reminder note about how baking soda cleans up almost everything...from the 2nd part of the 'Library' Dr. Who (pure brilliance--by the way), Donna dreams up a lover who is gorgeous, adores her, and can hardly speak. Well; MY Static Girl is gorgeous, she doesn't really adore me--more like "tolerates" me, and she hardly speaks. I'm seeing direct parallels here. Even Joel Mchale said something on The Soup about some strong, silent woman being perfect. Okay, okay, I'll stop now--it loses effect when I have to explain things...
My FCP has this for me: My long devious grin, my long-distance girlfriend. She knows her role...Supply-Closet Sweetie and Naughty Night Nurse... You may refer to her as "Phantom Angel"...She projects to me streams of thought where steam is caught, as she is the ultimate sampler platter...On my computer screen, she is the purple spaceship sticker...Meant (at least) 3 different ways; I can't wait to play poker with my FCP...She is her own dual identity; The Anonymous Goddess. She should have her own book, movie, and video game about her; you people wouldn't understand...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: President Bushed wants $600 million for police in Iraq, but cuts funding for domestic (USA) police. AND; from Persian Gulf countries (Iran/Iraq/Saudi Arabia), the total amount of oil the US imports is 16% of what we use (Etherzone). That's all; 16%. Not even 1/6 of our total usage. Why do we even get involved with those sand crabs? Is it really all just fear-mongerring the Idol-gazing sheeple?..New Hampshire has legalized industrial hemp; yay...800 million people on earth are hungry; 1 billion people are overweight...73% of Black/White relationships (census 2000) are Black man/White woman (I thought it was 90%)...(from Yahoo) Scientists create mutant mosquitoes in bid to wipe out malaria (what crisis?)...In the midwest, with all the flooding and weather devastation, White people are banding together/working together, helping each other, and fixing everything. They are NOT standing around on rooftops with signs that say "Help Us", and screaming that 'George Bush doesn't like White people!'. Have you noticed this?..6-18; a crop circle found near Barbury Castle includes the first 10 digits of Pi; yawn...
A thought to take with you: "My idea of 'dressed up' is a shirt with no writin' on it."--1 of 4 Bikers named Steve, at my bar...Oregon bumper sticker: "Wag More, Bark Less"...
(People bitch about me never having female quotes up here.) "Luck is not chance - It is toil. Fortune's expensive smile is earned."--Emily Dickinson (So; eat me you pampered princesses.)
Band names: Flying Slugs, Frog Fetish, Fast Forward Foreplay, Medicinal Sexercise (FCP), Salmonella Scare, Mutant Mosquitoes, Strange Stains,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I want to get "Defensive Racism" by Edgar Steele. I've been reading him (in many different places) for years.
Watching: Secret Diary of a callgirl w/Billie Piper; yum...A new Gong show with Dave Attell? That could be really good...Michael Ian Black (MIB) is getting "Reality Bites Back" on Comedy Central...On CMT, BIll E's Country Fried Home Videos are excellent (20 years of 'here's your sign')...We are just 2 months away (?) from Dan and Keith together on tv again...Quixtar sponsors Countdown--now you know...
Class Projects: Hellboy from 2004! Babe Selma Blair has wanted me for 10 years--ever since Buffy taught her how to kiss in "Cruel Intentions". (Hmmm; if you were to combine my girlfriend and FCP, the exquisite end-product would look alot like Selma Blair.)...(more from Buffy) "The Grudge" was completely worthless...We watch those VH-1 I Love the New Millennium things; we love all those VH-1 shows...
Watching and Hearing: Oh My God; I watched it happen--at the end of a Daily Show, throwing to the Colbert Report, my favorite band of the 80's--and the first band I ever saw 3 times; RUSH pretended to be Stephen's alarm clock (Now I want MY own show on Comedy Central, too, mutherfucker.). There was some BOC in an Auto Trader commercial, Bowie in a Celebrity Cruise commercial, Repuked Pat Benatar in a United commercial, that "Lazy Eye" song by the Silver Sun Pick Up's (sold out) is also in some new stupid commercial, Pilot in the back of a Pushing Daisies promo, that's Foreigner's "Tramontane" in the Dr. J/Pepper commercial,
Shit I watch alone: 2007's "Freedom Writers" (C), The TV Set (ehhh, C+), the Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back double DVD with all the deleted scenes (B+), Rocky Balboa (B-) was okay, Penn + Teller's "Bullshit" is funny, Weeds, Weeds and more Weeds; every rerun of Rescue Me, ever (God Bless Denis Leary), and those little 9-minute minisodes; "Are You Scared?" (F) had so much potential, "Manufacturing Dissent", "Suicide Kings", during "Pythons 2" I saw a preview for "Anaconda 3"--it's not even worth making jokes anymore...
Hearing: I WANT to hear more Prairie Cartel; that's Blake and Mike of Caviar, and a Scott (Lucas?) from Local H. They're doing electronica, and already have music on this new Grand Theft Auto IV game. With a composition named "Long Nights, Impossible Odds" (Blue Collar Styx), I am intrigued. First listen sounds like Beck meets Caviar and both do bong hits with Crystal Method--nice!..Library computers help me hear all the George Carlin rants...After renting the Cult Singles '84 to '95, I've been hearing tons of Cult on the radio everyday...I rented more Depeche Mode remixes? I already had lots of them--now I have them all!..
From my own collection; the new Offspring rocks! You know how well Offspring can sound; but check out 'change of pace' track 9, "Fix You"...2 Sky Cries Mary discs, Local H from 1996 (friends of Fig Dish), 2 Caviar discs (formerly Fig Dish), George Carlin cassettes, a cassette I made in '99 of singles I like,
New on the radio; Beck's new CD is "Modern Guilt"; I ain't heard shit yet--send money!
Musical Purchases this month: First we'll need some income--send money!
Out and About: Greg Kihn and Dave Matthews at Fred Meyer, Roxette and Argent at Dollar Tree, the Cure at PetSmart, I couldn't hear anything on my 2nd trip to Fred Meyer, because Gus and I (were deaf) had rocked out to the new "Pork and Beans" Weezer single WAY too loud--and then we were singing it to strangers and their children,
Singing: "Love Triangle"--IBM, "Twilight"--U2, "Black Metallic"--Catherine Wheel, "Industrial Disease"--Dire Straits, "The Real Me"--the Who, "The Painter"--Deep Purple, "Seeing Red"--Unwritten Law, "Poundcake"--Van Halen, "Dammit"--Blink 182, "Run Through The Light"--Yes, "Hold Your Head Up"--Argent, "Pork and Beans"--Weezer, "Can't You See"--Marshall Tucker Band, "Seeing Red"--Unwritten Law, "Dream On"--Depeche Mode, "Freak of the Wee"--Marvelous 3,
What I want today: The George Carlin collection "All My Stuff". The Prairie Cartel CD. 1000 lbs. of gold would also be nice, and some silver bullion, too; yeah, another ton of silver...I also want to eat some uncooked hemp seeds...I'd also like to get my dick sucked in 13 different positions per day; but I'll settle for a dozen...
New stuff this month or so: I have seen some amazing shit in the sky lately; lights, lumps, ribbons. I'm almost numb to it...New Mountain Dew is out? 3 of them? I need to do some research on that...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.):
Occupational Hazards: Ha. I may be unemployable. I'm still waiting for Joel McHale, Seth MacFarlane, and Keith Olbermann to call and offer work to me. Seth Green, too.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I become as old as TPG in August (send money)...This just in: women are a fucking joke. I will start oversimplifying their roles for them...My left foot! 7-13-08. Swollen, red and throbbing. I can't sleep like this...After the poker boom, now we are in a poker bust...7-16; starting to walk almost normally again, yay...On a warped Pirates pinball, I scored 177 mil. Then I made it flat--no left lean, but could only get 90 mil. Shit; story of my life...988 mil is my new high score on MM, as of 7-22-08; crowned King of the Realm twice...I have been stupidly communicating with people who are trying to make changes in their lives. I will not be playing fix-it for long, so let's hope these idiots appreciate my attention...SMART OR STOOPID survey; avg 17.8; I scored 22. And in a cartoon character survey, I am Garfield. Now you know...390 million is my #5 score on MM pinball; beat that and be happy. I have no idea what I weigh anymore, but it's under 200. As my left foot and skin rash improve--I feel a bit better...
New foods this month: My brewed green tea is evolving; now I add 1 teabag of spearmint/black/whatever tea to the 4 or 5 bags of green. I want some hemp tea--for the obvious reasons...My fake bacon made an exquisite BLT sammich..."Twilight" is my new Deschutes beer at my regular bar, currently replacing Widmer Bros. Heffeweizen; that's quite a hangover, too. "Summer Solstice" is still my favorite of all the Deschutes brews--but it's hard to find...new? Girlfriend, and the piggies like Gala apples better than red delicious. Okay...Tofurky's Italian Sausage; I love it--it's still a bit too spicy for Static Girl. I added the Italian Sausage to a salad, which kind of makes it like one of those meaty salads, but vegan (I am a genius--thank you)...Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce; the sweet Vidalia onion flavor. You have to add hot sauce to it, but yum!..Fake bacon also goes well on baked potatos--just so you know...I combined chili, a rice pot, and pasta sauce into a big yummy mess...
This month of Blues Jamming: 7-3-08; pre-Independence Day Blues Jam outside; wooo. No MT, but Wolfgang showed. Andrea's birthday--she was so cute. Quite the party; L and her group finally experienced a Blues Jam...7-10; outside, and MT was there to explain to me why he has been elsewhere on Thursdays--he says that I belong at my regular Blues Jam bar. Maybe I will go see MT and Steve play next Saturday. Great show. Women were all over me--but I'm there for the music. Steve Steele harped a whole set...7-17; First recorded Jam outside. Nice big blowout, the 3rd set of Russ on bass, with Slim and Max on guitars was amazing. I woke up at Rachel's house; hello!..7-19-08; MT, Steve A., Theo and Russ played at the closest bar to me--walking distance; nice! Vicki S. showed and sang, too. What an outstanding gig; I will go to many Saturdays there!..7-24-08; I hardly remember much other than people arguing with me about shit. This is MY bar, bitch; you don't argue with me here. Z played one of his new songs; 5 guitarists were there before 8 pm. Wow...7-31 Jam outside; low key, not too crazy, Max wants to start a new band; go Max!
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: "God favors no groups; only religions do."--That is an Oregon bumper sticker, and also is the basis for my personal belief in God, but my lack of allegiance to any bullshit organized religion. Remember; God understands me, and, God usually agrees with me. Perhaps it is YOU who needs to go fuck yourself. I mean, um, perhaps it is YOU who needs more enlightenment..."I wonder if aliens kill each other over religion."--Steve Gibson
What's different here than in college town: Ice Ice Baby: Just below us, at Mt. Shasta, the glaciers there are growing--no other glaciers in America are growing...Oregon business CDBaby (which I have had a link below to since 2004) is now being recognized as a leader of indie music promotion. Good. And I would like to say; better late than never...UGA is the pre-season #1 in college football!
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: "Pedicabs"; neat. Simile to the runner taxis of the Orient; we have 2 companies with large, tricycle cabs that can pedal up to 3 people around...Up in downtown Portland they already have recharging stations for electric cars.
Life with Static Girl: (The IT department) My girlfriend fixed up my computer. It go fast now; varoom...One day, my girlfriend started drinking before I did. Wow; that hasn't happened since '93...It's up to me to suggest activity options. She has a new answer of waving her hand g'bye at me; signifying that she won't be doing said activity, but that it is fine with her if I want to leave the house--for any reason whatsoever...It was so hot here for a few days that Static Girl floated around with almost zero clothing--often; life was good!..My girlfriend has another man, sort of! A pen pal in Canada, and his name is uh, "Penny". She also belongs to a postcard club; good for her...Sometimes she feels "blah", and that's too bad. But "blah" is much better than "ick". If I can get her FROM "ick" TO "blah", then I call that a good day, and my work here is done...According to my artistic Static Girlfriend, mustard is also a dye. Therefore; these new stains on my Jethro Tull shirt are going to be there forever; great...Her 'whole mouth hurts' because she has chewed her lips so much; I though I had a lip-chewing problem...I thought my 9 yr. old keyboard was really dirty and grungy; nasty, even. Then I saw hers. Ewwwwww! I mean, "ick"...She will sometimes watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart; she laughs, even though he cusses almost as much as I do...
My FCP has this for me: She so totally wants me!..She is the holographic "pillar" I need; also sometimes a "pill", other times a "pillow"...She is a secret that is just for me; she is a whisper that only I can hear...She is a living, breathing walking-around-in-front-of-you Shakespearean sonnet of EPIC fucking proportions; and we are all graced by her presence...And did I mention that she's a gorgeous and under-appreciated goddess--worthy of immortality?..I called her a 'Goddess among the weeds'...She has helped me with MUCH writing in July. She mentally motivated another pinball machine from me. We traded packages in snail mail. She even inspired a complete poem, from just a month of random notes. I channel her; she walks and talks with/to/for me. She is my long-distance girlfriend; our e-mails evaporate more passion than most couples have passion in their entire relationships...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Here's one for the masses: Starbucks is cutting 12,000 jobs and closing 600 stores (Hey fuckers; if you can't stay in profit by charging $4 for a cup of coffee, then you need a new business plan--it ain't like you're lacking customers.)...The Roswell rock found in 2004, with the lunar cycles carved in it, made headlines on 7-8-08...Hundeds of people in CA camped out to purchase the new I-Phone on 7-11-08. Aren't people cute?..Last month; did you also hear about some Japanese inventor creating (and patenting) an auto engine that runs on tap water? Why are we still dicking around with oil?..Wachovia just cut 9,000 jobs? Nice...As of July 15, the president can arrest U.S. citizens and legal residents inside the United States and imprison them indefinitely, without charge or trial, based solely on his assertion that they are "enemy combatants." ("Freedom", anyone?)...6-30-08; the World Health Organization claims the U.S. leads the world in use of tobacco, pot, and cocaine...Local company Hynix is closing, and cutting over 1100 jobs; yawn...Former NASA astronaut Dr Edgar Mitchell--a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission--has stunningly claimed aliens do exist. Yawn...Two ragheads with oil money bought New York's Chrysler Building and General Motors Building for $3.7 billion; but GM is still going to cut 15% of their workers...Benigans and Steak + Ale have both filed for bankruptcy...NBA players are leaving America so they can be paid in Euros...
A thought to take with you: "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits." -George Carlin (RIP)
"Dogs have owners. Cats have a support staff."--(the same) 1 of 4 bikers named Steve at my bar (Steve W).
"...Just as a drug that in the proper dosage can save your life, an overdose of government can be fatal..."--Neal Boortz
(One more time:) "I wonder if aliens kill each other over religion."--Steve Gibson
I haven't done a direct BASH on stupid fucking women in a few months. So here we go: To drive, to operate heavy machinery, to be married, to remodel a house, to drown worms, YES--even to fucking FISH requires a license. And yet, any pre-teen girl who can get knocked up is encouraged to shit out as many kids as her body can produce--with NO partner, NO training/NO education, NO plan, and NO "parenting" license. Ha. I giggle. Women are fun.
Band names: "Crippling Diarreah"--the Daily Show throwing to the Colbert Report, "Fried Aerosol Cheesesticks",
Um, how about a bar name--"The Infirmary". Or a combo bar/hotel called "The Library"? Real bands: "We Have Guns" are a bit tighter than "The Other Trousers".
(...last month we were...)
Reading:
Watching: Have you seen that commercial with the "Shamwow" guy? I like him, and I MUST have a Shamwow...Is Hollywould actually remaking Deathrace 2000? The original was already so bad that it couldn't half-fill a midnight movie theater; what are they thinking?..
Class Projects: She and I watched History Channel's excellent "Qwest For Dragons"...Country Fried Videos are hilarious...CSI's are still good...Star Trek TNG; woo...
Shit I watch alone: topless Ms. Parker on Weeds, "Beyond the Law" (topless Linda Fiorentino), Daniel Craig's Casino Royale, Long Kiss Goodnight (the premise of "Honeymoon" in this 1996 movie IS what happened on 9/11, btw, check it), 1994's Roswell, 2005's Murderball, Graveyard was dumb, the original Diehard; on a whim I pulled out Blue Collar to watch Ron White again,
Olympics: The ENTIRE Norway Women's Soccer team wants me. And I'll polish some Silver with my USA gymnast Shawn Johnson. Gymnasts and soccer girls; yum.
Watching and Hearing: Olympic basketball highlights to Crystal Method's "Keep Hope Alive" (nice), also Linkin Park, and Peter Gabriel; Goo and the Dolls got some actual tv performance time, too...Saw Juliana Hatfield on Leno, and The Hold Steady on Conan; (I am stumped!)--from a movie preview in-store at Blockbuster 2 years ago, and now in the back of a Sprite commercial, that "I'm falling away" thing. I like it, but can't name it. My guess is Coldplay...ZZ Top sells my oil now, the Cars hock blue jeans, the Romantics are selling Jap cars, fake-kitchen-mopping with the Little River Band,
Hearing: School of Fish, Jane Jensen, the Boogie Chillen' CD bartender AL let me copy (hot, and the CD is great, too), Story of the Year, the Spawn sdtrk, many Blues Jam tapes, Jimi Hendrix "Night Life" (thanks Dax V), Extended mixes of The Cure (thanks again, Dax V), Smashing Pumpkins "Zeitgeist" all of my new shit (NIN, "The Slip", track 5, Echoplex, "My voice just echos off these walls."--It will fucking haunt you!)--this ENTIRE month has had NIN as background noise; old, new, remixes, everything. TR is doing everything HIS way now. And; in most of Trent's music there is a taste of either "Down In It", "Closer", or "Right Where It Belongs"; lucky us...
New on the radio; fuck if I know. Wait; there is new Candlebox, of all the crazy ideas--is Kevin Martin still singing for them? Wow; they've been 'not living up to their potential' for even longer than I have...On the new Beck CD, check "Gamma Ray"...NOT on the radio, and WON'T be; new NIN "The Slip"; same for "Ghosts"--no more radio for new Trent music.
Musical Purchases this month: Birthday money could be the new Buddy Guy! It is! And a full stamp book got me the Sixx AM Heroin Diaries. Girlfriend bought me Guilty Beck; girlfriend's parents bought me the new NIN, and some used NIN remixes (TFA) of Fragile stuff from '99 (her parents love me)...
Out and About: Tina Turner at Albertsons; obscure Jimmy Buffet, James Brown and War at Dollar Tree; Simon + Garfunkel and Staind at Fred Meyer (Gus and I were a little deaf again from hearing all of Sixx AM's "Open Your Eyes" on the ride in)
My DJ Bartender keeps my head shaking to Clutch, Mendoza, and new Slipknot. Nice.
Singing: "So Whatcha Want"--Beasties, "Machine Punch Through"--Moist, assorted Van Halen and Meatloaf
What I want today: A big bag of Bliss. No Bliss, but I scored a big bag of Train Wreck...I want a (quotable) Mister Creepo gift certificate for shit like "Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires - The Curse of Ed Wood"...Hot pink; bra, panties, 20 nails, pigtail ribbons, earrings, a necklace, a watch, lip stuff; all pink, all the time, all over me. Call it: "Hot Pink Therapy". Later we'll do it all in red, too, then (all but the lips in) white. Purple waits passionately and patiently (this is an FCP fantasy)...What I want? Now I want a gymnast; with big boobs, and tiny feet--doing the hot pink therapy. Yeah; and then I want a soccer girl with small boobs and strong legs...If I should lose my girlfriend, AND my FCP (unlikely), I will then drop down to dating only married women with linear intent (one-track minds). No blah-blah; no going out in public with them--no investment; just private little "scromp" and suck sessions at MY leisure--then I'll head back to the bar and ignore the snotty single women there. I'm a fucking genius...
New stuff this month or so: Pre-season football, baby!..Hot-assed weather up here; we need rain...Squash from my bar; cucumbers from my neighbor...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): hot sauce, a new Coke glass for my Girl, jalapeno cheez slices, skinny candles, gourmet (?) Teddy's Root Beer from WA,
Occupational Hazards: Ha, again.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Single-tasking...I am tired of walking like Dr. House, on my fucked left foot...So I started meditating and massaging; I'll be okay now...Yes; Gus' oil ring tick sound, and my left foot are better...From out of the blue, I connected with an old comedian buddy who might be PP in CA. Never mind...I have no shorts! My one pair of denim shorts has holes where my ass hangs out. Bummer. Guess we'll be heading back to Goodwill, but I did a poker tourney in my 80's purple party shorts...
New foods this month: I made a green bean/cannellini paste to cover potatos and hominy with; yum...Girlfriend made her best batch of "stewp" yet; yum...I made a Summer Celery Casserole, and my Tofurky/Triscuit nachos were good...We are eating Grape Nuts again, will go back to local Golden Temple cereal next...Call me Mr. Spaghetti; 2 batches in a row have been amazing. And I have learned 1 or 2 things to NOT do with my Magic Bullet...Add hot sauce to my creations, and they become (poisonous) dipping-quality delights...I'll admit it; I get damn lucky with food preparation. Like: Zuccghetti! Never mind...
This month of Blues Jamming: 8-2-08; Mike and Steve played at my walk-to-it bar. I got hammered, and the last 2 hours was my own private concert; nice. 8-7; Birthday Blues Jam for me. I had a request list and everything. Michael Johnson even showed and harped for me. I got drunker than fuck, again. How did I get home?..8-9; MT and Steve played at my neighborhood walk-to-it bar AGAIN; cool. I got shitty for the 2nd time that day...8-14-08; trashed again; my ride home even wound up puking--now that's funny. I may have hitch-hiked home...8-21? Back inside. Quiet night. I got trashed, with my employee-pricing on Jam nights. No MT, and no Max, but JP was back. Z played the extended AL song; nice. Michael Johnson had an excellent first set. Later I passed out somewhere, I think; let's hope there won't be a quiz on this later...8-28-08; back outside. A great mascot, as always; Max was back. I played pool with some tiny chick. Z and I will throw frisbee someday soon. I got to ride home with AL; sweet...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Humans are just a little crash-test-virus experiment gone horribly wrong. God would want for all of His "chillen'" to be part of His multi-galactic program of tolerance and understanding (sharing files with the aliens), but we just don't fucking get it. It's like Bill Hicks said (better than this); 'Some of the backwoods people actually take their guns to UFO sightings'. Okay; why?..Please, fucking PLEASE; kill off this stupid human race before we infect anything else...God would say that all of His creatures deserve a chance--even the human mildew. Okay; maybe. But I would look GOD Himself, in the eyes, and say "Dude; what the fuck were you thinking?"
What's different here than in college town: Portland band Blind Pilot is touring the West Coast on bicycles; very nice...My county up here is testing for West Nile Virus; not that we could do anything about it anyway. I'm totally pro-death (like Bill Maher)...Not Athens, but somewhere in north GA; 2 guys claim to have found a 7 ft. 7 inch, 500lb. Bigfoot body; cancel that--it's a hoax...Not quite here, but Portland will be trying out the new Presidential $1 coins. Oregonians frequently still use the beautiful gold $1 coins honoring Sacagawea (Coins last 25 years and can be melted into new coins. Paper dollars last 2 years, and go to the shredder.)...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Different? It's 100 degrees here, too!..We have the Emerald City Roller Girls up here; real, live, ass-kicking skate chicks!..There are 3 speed-skiing courses in the U.S., and 2 of them are in Oregon...We have a "green" car dealership up here; the only one on the west coast to win the LEED Gold award; too bad it's Toyota...
Life with Static Girl: Missed a couple of walks with her early in the month because of left foot devastation...She lets them out to roam all day every day; they are now the Free Range Piggies. I would call them Olympic Piggies this month, but nobody listens to me...You think you know somebody; turns out that my Static Girl doesn't even drink the Very Vanilla Silk soy milk--she just cooks with it. I could've been drinking it right from the carton all along--for years, maybe...At this time, there are NO vegan burgers in the house; I found out the hard way...For my day-after-birthday celebration, my Static Yum bought me a Cozmic Pizza...When we have friction, it lasts for a few seconds, and she'll go and shut herself away for awhile. Then I imagine my life without her, and rush to apologize for whatever I have done wrong now...Ooo; in the heat, she'll sit around with just shorts on. She is the most gorgeous topless librarian ever!..Sometimes she will shower, but keep her hair up and dry. So then her body is all clean, and her hair still has that yummy natural Static scent...I think she's entertained by how much I like to see her panties drying on the rack. I greet them when I enter the room. And I talk to them individually, you know...Mid-month; she took me speed-walking, and I almost kept up with her...Lean, graceful birds that exist primarily alone, and keep to themselves. My girlfriend; the Heron...I've been singing to the guinea pigs; 'Machine Punch Boo'...Deaf Girlfriend; my left ear is a permanent trainwreck, and now her right ear is losing some oompf. She is much more concerned about going deaf than I appear to be...
My FCP has this for me: She and I "stumble" better than most couples walk (she said that 'our trash pile is better than most people's treasures'; I'm paraphrasing)...My mental "coffee break" (hot lips), and my "Summer Ice Cream" (cold tongue)...She's definitely a multiple-use outlet. Power strip me, baby!..She called us the day before my birthday; I drooled on the phone...Triangulated thermometer readings, and Brainstorming Head Games...My FCP is a great day at an amusement park...From writing to her, I brush with literary magic; it is often legendary...My long-distance girlfriend is also my favorite "I should've done..."...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: The TSA lost a laptop with detailed personal information of 33,000 job applicants...The alcohol poisoning death rate in the United States is shockingly high, consistently between 300 and 400 a year. It's zero for pot; 0 FOR POT!..GM is recalling a million vehicles...
A thought to take with you: "What is so wrong about speed-talking through the foreplay so we can get the music playing again?"--W. C. Davis
"If enjoying looking at sexy women covered in blood is wrong, then call me wrong!"--Mister Creepo
Oregon t-shirt: "The Hippies Were Right". Oregon bumper stickers: "Dog is my co-pilot", and "My other car is a broom",
Band names: Permanent Trainwreck, Stiff Sushi Gills (FCP), Cock-Juggling Thunder Cunt (Weeds),
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I read an editorial cartoon where Keith Olbermann was taken off MSNBC as a news anchor, and I freaked out. Thank goodness he's still running Countdown for now...
Watching: Saw my first Michael Phelps commercial; it was for Rosetta Stone--learn to speak Chinese...The CBS affiliate sports channel up here is all SEC, all the time. Life is good...Bones, Sarah Connor, and the Shield came back this month!..
Class Projects: A watching and hearing class project; 5 hours of VH-1's 100 best songs of the 80's (Bon Jovi wins)
Shit I watch alone: "Dust to Glory" (a Baja 1000 documentary), "Edmond", PBS played the Who at Kilburn 1977, Fantastic Four (puke), "Wag the Dog" again, "House of 100 Corpses" again,
Watching and Hearing: It's worth noting that with Shirley Manson starring in the Sarah Connor Chronicles, they can play all the Garbage/Shirley Manson music they want to...Romantics are selling pizza (this month), the Who is selling rice-burner cars...
Hearing: All 4 Filter CD's, Smash Pump's "Zeitgeist", both Angels + Airwaves, tons of NIN,
New on the radio; I don't fucking listen.
Musical Purchases this month: I'm too fucking broke.
Out and About: I don't fucking pay attention anymore.
Singing: "Hunker Down Hairy Dawgs..." (Go UGA!), "Bullet with Butterfly Wings"--Smashing Pumpkins; (3 in a row from the first Van Hagar;) "Dreams", "Why Can't This Be Love", and "Best of Both Worlds"; "You Could Be Mine"--G + R, "Standing on Top of the World"--Van Hagar,
What I want today: I want a "Heavyweight" Wham-O frisbee; 200 grams (I've never seen anything bigger than 175g)...
New stuff this month or so: The month starts with a Monday Holiday. Every first Monday of every month should be a holiday...My old sugarless Bubble Yum showed up at Fred Meyer!..Soccer season! Practice, games; whatever--girls will be girls, and NO I don't care that they are a third of my age. I'm a sports fan enjoying the competition...We had the Eugene Celebration mid-month. My idea of a Celebration was seeing Mike Tracey play a near-private show for me at my walk-to-it bar on 9-13-08...Million dollar business idea; Discount Limousines...9-20-08; 4 SEC teams in the top 10? No; 5, actually...Instead of 'running errands', us poor people now must go 'walking errands'...Jerry Reed (I wrote songs for), Richard Wright, and Paul Newman all passed this month...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Not shit. Wait. Nope; not shit. I do have a list, though.
Occupational Hazards: I went to an open house thing for a different kind of call center. So?..I ran into an old co-worker from another place; she may help land me a new collections gig...Another job fair beckons, too...Security?..
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: 9-2-08; early in the morning I almost cut my left finger and thumb off while slicing old, non-Static Girl bread. Then I went to the World Outlaw races at Cottage Grove, got covered in dirt, and had a blast; varoom!..Can't play pinball with hurt finger; so using my left middle finger I scored 209 mil on MM pinball...I have been silenced! A passionately scary biker Goddess showed me a long poem she wrote, and it's one of the best I've ever read. I honestly don't know how to respond...Oops. I got drunk at my own poker game; definitely not the best move I've ever made...Good moves? The half-sliced-off finger is back! I can masturbate (yay), and score 747 mil on MM pinball (not at the same time)...I took a week off from cleaning the apartment; and even during that week our house is still one of the cleanest ones around...Epic Monday 9-15: Kicked out of 2 bars, and then the 4 of us stayed up all night, shaking our heads to Metallica till 5 am...I threw frisbee with right-handed guitarist K, also played video golf, and threw darts, too...You will now need 495 mil on MM pinball just for the lowest score (and good luck with that)...9-27; I went to the last limited sprints/modifieds/360's races of the season at Cottage Grove. Great fun, and local racing girl Brandi Bounds won the championship (I can call her a "girl" because she's only 20)...For personal reasons, I am taking a week off off drinking as this month ends. Perhaps I will give some details next month...
New foods this month: I made great nachos with the fake bacon...Fried in the iron skillet, I made my own potato french fry thingies...Did we talk about coconut juice yet? It's an acquired taste...Black Spaghetti! Black beans, black olives, and veggie crumbles; yum!..Then came "Fried Spaghetti"; yum (I am amazing)...Then came my mushroom-based veggie tacos; mmmm...Girlfriend heard about "leeks" for soup--not knowing they were onions. But she made brilliant "Leeky Stewp"!..
This month of Blues Jamming: 9-4; Max played Red House, K rips guitar with his one good hand...9-11; Before I got way too drunk, I got to hang out with a new Blues Jam grandma, LJ. K, Max, Z; everybody put on a great show...9-13 was my private celebration night with the MT Band here in my neighborhood...9-18-08; ripped, poker outside with great music inside, tons of new friends, rode home drunk with some hot chick...9-25; too drunk to remember much. Z played most of his new songs...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I'm going to tackle the big one now: Why do I believe in God; what with all the bullshit that He allows? I do put my faith into a singular love force that was intended to connect all living things. Even amidst the chaos of modern life, I believe in a chosen string theory of spiritual positivity that leads to a defined enlightenment. And; I got some feedback when I was talking to God back in '03 and '04; I believe it was Him. There had BETTER be a God, capable of explaining my oversimplified concerns--later. There WILL be a God. Period. You don't want to know what I will do if there is not--so for now I definitely believe in God. Do you see how this planet has not been dissolved into a dirt cloud yet? Yes; well, that's me--still believing in God. You're Welcome.
What's different here than in college town: Lunchsense Lunchables! The future of lunchboxes; 5 locking storage containers; no vinyl, no lead, and the exterior can be a seat or placemat...In Athens, we used to let the University pay for anything they wanted to--even street repairs. But up here there is nobody to fix the potholes except for individual citizens. Go figure...Do they make tea in AZ, or just meth? Well, we have the local Stash Company Matcha green tea, from Tigard, OR...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: In Phoenix, some 30 yr. old pedophile passed himself off as (an enrolled middle school student) a 12 yr. old boy to scout prospects for after-school specials. They caught him after a year; ha...We had a marijuana help center (score), but then it closed (booo). I didn't find out about it until afterward (nobody ever tells me anything)...Meth! Back in Phoenix, a bathtub meth lab blew up in our neighborhood every week; yawn. It took 3 years for a meth lab to blow up near us here! That's good, right?..
Life with Static Girl: She says we may join a cool, hippie community garden thing. I will grow hot peppers!..She claims to have a lump in her throat; I say it's just how much she likes me (awww), but she thinks it's cancer...When we take walks together, and she breathes deeply, I call that an "exersigh"...We re-use paper; on the back of my shopping list was her scribble of 'Thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend'. I saw it at the grocery, and smiled! (it will now live on my bulletin board)...My girlfriend will spend way too much money at the art store; similar to what I will do at CDWorld...Girlfriend made more stewp; and just like a kiss from my Dark Rift Angel--it is exquisite, but does not last long enough...Girlfriend says I need to practice pinball, because I haven't put up a high score in "decades" (um, it's been 6 days). So I went to play pinball (at the bar) on a day when I'm not even supposed to be there, and my warm-up game (3 hours) became my new MM pinball high score; 1.083 billion (my girlfriend is brilliant)...We took a a walk on the bike trail and saw TWO black sheep on the riverbank; there ain't no sheep in AZ, and not many wild sheep in GA...Soap? I haven't had to buy bar soap in over a year, because Static Girl gave me all of her old Dove bars when she changed to the vegan soaps. Now I'm on my last Dove bar; booo...Girlfriend says she is DONE washing those zippity-lock baggies--no more! We will either use tupperware, or nothing!..
My FCP has this for me: I am inside her brain now; I often pervade her every thought...I am the ONLY stalker she needs, and I saw her first! All you other blood clots and wannabe's can drop dead!..I suffered through an 'idle hands' depression, and she helped bring me out of it with flirty threats and promiscuossibilities...I have called her 'My Destiny' before; all she needs is a ticket out here...During the last week of the month, along with taking a week off from booze, I dedicated my creative energies toward her. She is more inspirational than ever; definitely my best sounding board of all time, and appreciative of my efforts. She needs to come out here and fly my kite...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: U. S. women are still averaging 2.09 babies...The U. S. has 761 military bases across the planet...1 in 5 adults have genital herpes...The Drug War's Latest Tally: 872,721 Pot Arrests, an All-Time High. Cannabis arrests now comprise nearly 47.5 percent of all drug arrests in the United States, 89% of them for mere possession (AlterNet)...Fuck the news; we're all about dead anyway. Burn your money--start bartering...
A thought to take with you: "To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."--George Orwell
"We shall never understand one another until we reduce the language to seven words."--Kahlil Gibran
"I'd put my money on the sun and solar energy. What a source of power! I hope we don't have to wait 'til oil and coal run out before we tackle that."--Thomas Edison
Band names: Bathtub Meth Lab, Discount Limousines, (album/song title) "Little Schoolgirl Workout", "Chat Room Drama" (FCP), "Jesus Joe--Get a Shovel!" (Keith Olbermann), "Sociological Pornography" (also Keith Olbermann), (real Oregon band) "Sexy Water Spiders", (real New Orleans band) Hookers and Blow,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: The New Temples of Syrinx; ah. I have no authority to link to it, but Etherzone has at least one real Rush fan--discussing the current financial "priests": "Hold the Red Star proudly high in hand!"...Awesome Bizarro comics! This man is quite disturbed. Dan gets down at: http://bizarrocomic.blogspot.com/...I'm going to get a book on Jose Silva, too.
Watching: I saw the darkest sketch in the history of television on a Robot Chicken rerun...On PTI (BTW, happy 7th birthday PTI!), I saw the most versatile offensive player in the NFL (rusher, blocker, receiver, quarterback; make your guess quickly...) being interviewed; Pittsburgh's Hines Ward, wearing a bright RED shirt, and a proud Georgia Bulldogs hat. I fucking LOVE Hines Ward...(As of 10-28; the new DVR works great; thank you.)
Class Projects: "Big Ideas for a Small Planet" on Sundance--very cool stuff...Static Girl watched one Sarah Connor Chronicles with me--it was the most boring episode ever (10-6); she won't watch another one, and I don't blame her (she watched one more that had lots of Shirley Manson, yay)...We watched "Notting Hill" together--no, I don't know why...We watch Bones, and House sometimes...Borrowed from my new bartender, the excellent animated "Surf's Up" (I loaned him "Wag the Dog")
Shit I watch alone: Comics Without Borders, Californication, Weeds (lots of shit on Showtime), NFL, ...Whitest Kids You Know, and the Henry Rollins show are on IFC now!..My MoM turned me on to Sons of Anarchy..."My Own Worst Enemy" is okay...Comedy Central had Denis Leary's "Lock and Load" backed with Dennis Miller's "All In"; also Sarah Silverman...(movies) "River's Edge" on IFC...I fell asleep during "Eternal Sunshine of Jim Carrey's Mind"; Sci-Fi's "Swarmed" was sad, "Seed of Chucky", "Gothika", "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" (topless Marisa Tomei), most of "Bandits" (but the DVR was already dead), "Bully", "American Werewolf in London", "Rocky Horror", "Cherry Falls" stunk (but we love Brittany Murphy), "Splinter" sucked, "Tron" (again), "Mallrats" (again), "Spaceballs" (again),...
Watching and Hearing: Background noise is being drowned out by the low frequency hum of doom...Fuck me! This "Ovation" channel is mostly concerts and music movies; I'm keeping Peter Gabriel's "Growing Up" (until my DVR died), and glanced some Lou Reed...Saw Amy Lee on Leno...Saw Mars Volta on a rerun Henry Rollins show...A non-ELO version of "Do ya" on Californication, new NIN in a CSI Miami, On PBS--3 good Oregon female singer/songwriters make up "Dirty Martini"...Commercials? Toyota rips off The Fixx, Wrangler lip-synchs George Thoroughgood,
Hearing: Stabbing Westward's "Wither Blister Burn + Peel", 6 of the first 8 Rush albums, (trip down memory lane) Crumb, Fig Dish, and Three Penny Needle (gee, imagine),
New on the radio; Was that new Oasis? (I'm getting too old for this shit.)...I heard new AC/DC (nice), and read about new Cure music
Musical Purchases this month from the Tom Tucker discount wall at CDWorld (CDWorld is my Barbie Dream House): Nothing new; I am piss poor. But from my "Barbie Dream House" I picked up the free Century Media compilation 'Basement Noise'...
Out and About: Chicago at Albertson's, Pretenders at Dollar Tree, BOC at Dollar Tree on a Halloween candy run.
Singing: "Had a Dream"--Roger Hodgson, "In My Time of Dying"--Led Zeppelin, "What Do I Have To Do?"--Stabbing Westward, the first 10 years of Rush, "Re-Arranged"--Limp Bizket, "Farewell December"--Dream Life Misery,
What I want today: An unemployment extension, a party bus, a Defender video game, a Shamwow,
New stuff this month or so: It's not Winter until 12-21; did you know this? Brrr...The 2009 Golden Tee golf games came to my bar, and so far I rule all 5 of them. Oop; well, I still rule 3...It's not worth a commentary: I may need to get some shower soap soon; so I checked options at the grocery. Have you seen "Miley Cyrus Soap" yet? I couldn't make this up. "After those dirty perverted thoughts--clean up with Miley in the shower!" "Hey guys; now you can rub Miley all over your face and crotch!" A large cardboard cutout has a 15 yr. old Miley wearing red high-heeled stripper shoes. Ha. Is there an adult in her life who HAS a clue?..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Dollar Tree run; candles, chocolate, hot sauce, antacids, mouthwash, garlic powder, toothbrushes; damn, I forgot incense (I went back and bought Nag Champa at CDWorld). Dollar Tree should hire me.
Occupational Hazards: I applied for a job online, and I was NUDE--which makes it much easier to shake my dick at the screen. Hmmm; maybe I should do some online bill-pay nekked, too...Then the online job application place wrote me a snail mail letter to say 'no thank you'; those fuckers...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I thought I had already fixed this problem: My toe-held sit-ups are what causes my left foot pain--even with shoes on! I must replace them--oww! (Luckily the disfiguration only lasted two days this time) Do you want me to quit exercising?..I invested into a friendship with yet still another unworthy human being (I might have to turn pro). I am almost done with people completely...Met Eastwood; a white pit bull puppy with a rare red nose...I took ANOTHER week off from cleaning, and we STILL have the cleanest apartment ever!.."Chaostrophe"; that's my new word. Now use it in a sentence. Okay; "I have too many brain cells for this chaostrophe." Now I wanna sniff some glue!..I called a server at my bar an "Alco-Whore", and instead of slapping me--she loves the name...My PS2 controller died; so now I have no PS2...A new $12 watch for me, and a $12 1/8 inch haircut, too (fuck, I'm bald anyway)...I need more blue jeans--back to Goodwill for me!..Our DVR died; HUGE bummer--I was so spoiled. We are forced to go 3 days without, and all my saved programs are gone. Working on a DVR commentary now...I have a new Golden Tee student; M, and he is kicking ass...My food stamps will be dropping next month; boo...My left foot has been messed up for months. The new wrinkle THIS month is my messed up left wrist. Maybe it's cancer...
You WILL need 500 million for the #5 score on Medieval Madness pinball; that's at least 90 minutes for me, and at least 2 hours for you (good luck)...
New foods this month: At the bar, during my 6 days of no alcohol (almost a week); the hot lemon water w/honey drink. Delicious, and throat-soothing...Other than local Kettle chips, I am going to replace all regular chips with Triscuits (they're bite-sized, healthier, and perfect for nachos). I'm not done; check the ingredients (3) in a box of regular Triscuits, you MSG junkie: Wheat, oil, and salt; period...The latest bean soak in the crock pot had a pile of rice mixed into it. Good, and filling; later, it also was my first run at iron skillet fried beans (yum)...More Leeky Stewp; it was all gone in 36 hours...Lesson learned: raw horseradish roots are the hottest thing I've ever eaten--they melted part of the roof off my mouth...Walls Berry Farms? Jelly, from Portland; it's very tasty...I used my Girlfriend's (weak) vegan fake cheese sauce on some macaroni; it was barely edible...More Magic Bullet Rigatoni; yum...(fake) Chicken nugget nachos...A new bean-soak will become a vegan vegetable soup base; then you can personalize it by adding pasta, potatos, or both. Damn I'm good...Soy milk coffee? Girlfriend suggested no more cardboard fake creamer--so we both just add the Very Vanilla now.
This month of Blues Jamming: 10-2; first sober Blues Jam ever. Very few people at all, K played a great 2nd set. Horn Boy showed up! It was weird (sobriety is a weird thing) to be able to help clean up the bar after 1 am, and drive home later...10-9; another relatively quiet and empty Jam. Z played everything again, Mark the Harp sang 'Shakey Ground' for the first time, JP played bass for the first time--nice. Mark played keys (first time?) while JP bassed. Post-Jam, Z brought L and me to our neighborhood bar to see the end of MT's Blues Jam. Z played a couple of songs there, too, so I went to 2 Jams!..10-16; more indoor, no RightBob K--he's sick. Rooster Jam Scotty harped great, and then Mark had to blow even better! Max was back, too. We even had a mystery drummer guy who ran away right after his amazingly busy set! I was outside huffing paint thinner and playing poker for much of it, but this was a GREAT Jam...10-23; getting chilly outside. No RightBob K, but he was excused. Z played all his shit first set. Max ruled 2nd set--Solomon (!) even showed to drum (4 drummers?), Scotty and Mark harped, JP tickled ivories all night; very nice...10-30; RightBob K played first set, Mark harped. Guitar V showed to play set 3, no Max (boo), I got drunk and dysfunctional...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: He may be a little pissed about my comments last month. Good! Perhaps He should apply some of His disappointment with me toward the rest of you idiot fucking sheeple...
What's different here than in college town: Washington and Oregon McDonald's have (I am not making this up) a "McCafe" where you can order specialty coffee drinks...Oregon has the country's largest solar incentive for businesses, covering 50% of set-up costs (Alternet).
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Spiders share webs up here; it's not uncommon to see 6 or more spiders cohabitating a "web wall"...One of the Dish Network call centers is in Phoenix; I told the guy to go eat at In And Out Burger AND Waffle House for me...Arizona Green Tea/Pomegranate juices in the 20 oz bottles (yum).
Life with Static Girl: The most incredible woman on the planet...It's a tricky task to be her man; between giving her attention, and giving her space. She must break her own silence to let me know when I get too close--I just try to comply...And for my continuing efforts to comply, I was rewarded with a spectacular Fall trim job...She saved me a piece of her bribery cake; sweet, and a note on it that said "For My Boyfriend"...She's losing weight! No more cookie bars are being made (booo), but she's lost 5 lbs (yay)...Oreo shoes! Her aging black hemp shoes popped a string, so now she's got white strings in them...We went to a bar together--first time in Oregon. (We did this once in Phoenix, too.) Later, my innocent girlfriend was introduced to a parking lot smog session...On a walk, Static Babe pointed out the edible (but bitter) White Oak acorns...(Like the Bizarro comic guy) My girlfriend is a vegan atheist. My title is much longer and not as specific; I'm a semi-vegetarian agnostic; DEPENDING on a tolerant and uniting love force (sure, wtf, let's call it God)...Girlfriend went back to work in some claustrophobic sweat shop--at least it's close to home...Girlfriend despises duct tape? This could be deciding; we may have to break up now...Static Girl went with me to Dollar Tree on Halloween to scope cheap art supplies...
My FCP has this for me: The 2nd most incredible woman on the planet...Nugget of Gold, a Treasure Dig, partially exposed, virtually unknown, a yummy mystery just below the surface--I need to run with this...Mutual Enrichment Therapy...My back-up bonus babe is an omniverous, God-fearing Christian (so; between the 3 of us, we have a taste of everything).
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Still don't believe in the North American Union? Now it's the "Security and Prosperity Partnership Of North America"; go check out "http://www.spp.gov/", and learn about the "Amero" which will replace your dollars..."The US must increase its nuclear arsenal in response to China's growing military might, according to a State Department report." (I couldn't make up shit this good.)...There are still over 2800 armed nuclear devices on planet earth; sleep tight...Chrysler's cutting 2000 more employees...In 1968, Peter Glaser conceived the solar power satellite (SPS); 40 years later we finally have the admission (Sunday newspaper commentary 10-19-08). There is NO energy crisis; there NEVER was, and there NEVER will be. And what a great reason to go back and read one of my first recognized commentaries Little Black Calculator, complete with the single f-bomb that keeps people from getting too close...American Express is cutting 7,000 jobs...
A thought to take with you: Biker Steve W. at my bar (again) gets quoted with "I'm so far behind that I think I'm in first place."
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."--Winston Churchill
Band names: "Chaostrophie", "Alco-Whore", "Barbie Dream House", "White Oak Acorns", "Chicken Nugget Nachos", (real Oregon bands) "Dam It Jim" and "Please Don't Fight Here", "Rabid Right Wing Nuts" (Keith Olbermann)
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I'm pretty anal about proofreading. Check out this HEADLINE from one of my news sources. "There aren't as many males as their used to be -- not humans, not frogs, not fish." (First they use the word correctly, and then 6 words later use the wrong word. How do you NOT see that? News no longer includes proofreading.)...Real reading; my Mind Control book is astounding; I read 100 pages in one sitting (okay, 90)! It is POSSIBLE that Jose Silva can connect with the same incredible forces that Edgar Cayce did. Um, make that "likely".
Watching: Did you see Ben Affleck do his impression of Countdown Keith on SNL? That was excellent. (Speaking of SNL) Okay; so I finally watched "30 Rock"; Tina Fey is a clone of my hot girlfriend (Did you see me compliment both of them right there?). 30 Rock is JUST a do-over of HBO's Larry Sanders show from the 80's, and both are very entertaining...The Drug War; have you seen any of the (jokes disguised as) ads in the new $ billion anti-marijuana campaign? Earth to the sheep; do you really consider POT to be a primary problem in this world right now? And IF so; ha, then what are you smoking?..Seattle comedian Kyle Cease is good; shhh. So is Drew Hastings...
Class Projects: "Whale Wars" on APL; great stuff...Another Sarah Connor Chronicles!..Old CSI Miami's aren't too bad...Coming soon (2-09), Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse"; multi-tasking robotic soldiers (the Dark Angel agenda continues)...While I was sick, she watched the Terminator with me again.
Shit I watch alone: New UFO shows...My girlfriend hates "The Soup", but I watch it alone and learn stuff--like Seth Green's Robot Chicken Star Wars round 2 thing; the same exact day as the new Jeff Dunham Christmas special. Sweet...IFC Media Project; nice...On another Bill Hicks rip; I watched "Sane Man", and Bill on Austin Public Access, all 3 of the live DVD things, and the "It's Just A Ride" commentary..."Oswald's Ghost"; a new 90 minute American Experience about the Kennedy assasination...Have you seen any of the new gay male chat line ads? I MIGHT be offended, but since they cannot get married in California--let the gay chat lines screw up late-night tv for the conservative tight-asses.
Crappy cable movies: Doomed, Resident Evil (again), Crank, House of 9, SWF II The Psycho, The Cooler, UKM, Want to know a Secret?, Jackass 2.5, Double Whammy, Mean Girls (Lindsay and Lacey; slurp), When Will I Be Loved (topless Neve Campbell), the 2002 Ted Bundy movie (watched it 3 times in 2 days; yum), Hannibal Rising, Bordertown, "Guncrazy" sucked (but had good music), the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Watching and Hearing: A good (A + E's) "Private Sessions" with Lindsey Buckingham, playing old and new music...Whale Wars uses "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" as a theme song; nice...End of Century; story of the Ramones (again)...Was that new G + R on Football Night highlights?
Hearing: Bill Hicks' "Rant in E-Minor", 5 different Crystal Method CD's, Mixed Up Cure, NIN's "The Slip" (audio and video), Nashville Pussy (rules), "Anthems for the Damned" + "Short Bus"--Filter (Did you know that I own 5 different Richard Patrick discs?).
New on the radio; not new--old as dirt. When did Live's "Lightning Crashes" get the 2nd line changed from "placenta" to "intentions"? And why? It's part of childbirth; women love childbirth, right? Hello? I'm not even a huge Live fan, but leave a finished song alone. Trent had a '99 hit with NIN's "Starfuckers"; are you gonna change that, too? You pussies. In the words of Roger Daltrey (before the year 2000 and CSI) "Aw, who the fuck are you?"...New music; Smashing Pumpkins and G + R; so?
Musical Purchases this month, Tom Tucker discount wall, CDWorld, my Barbie Dream Home: Nothing. I used to live for music. I used to BREATHE music; and now the music industry can kiss my ass. Well, until they hire me for something. And I did go to my Barbie Dream World to get some more Nag Champa incense.
Out and About: AFI, Pink, and Chicago at Fred Meyer; BTO at Albertson's. Man, I'm just trying to stay out of fights at the grocery.
Singing: "No Reply"--Phil Collins, "Circus of Heaven" and "Does It Really Happen"--Yes, "Bye Bye Love"--the Cars, "Bat Out Of Hell"--Meatloaf, "We've Got Tonight"--Bob Seger, "Goodbye"--Z-Bass, and there's more--but who cares?
What I want today: The class of James Bond, the charisma of Ted Bundy, and the comedic timing of Bill Hicks...(One more time) An unemployment extension, a "Bean" exerciser (and an Ab-lounge), and a pile (all 3 sizes) of Tesla Purple Energy Plates, and a 60 gallon trash bag full of Alaskan Thunder Fuck weed. And what is that new Christmas bud shit? Give me a freezer full of that, too. I'll show you sheep how to "nest".
New stuff this month or so: I got my unemployment extended!..CSI pinball! Born 11-11-08; it looks fantastic! Go to: http://www.pinballnews.com/games/csi/index3.html ...
Poker partying: my selective hearing heard 'Stoned out of your blind', and a new penalty called "Roughing the Table".
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.):
Occupational Hazards: Yawn...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: (Last month actually) I played this game called "Apples to Apples"; didn't understand it, and didn't always have enough cards in my hand, but I still won the game; woo...11-3-08; the 26th anniversary of my death in a car wreck. D. O. called to remind me of how "not dead" I am now...Meditation; I am going to get something out of it. Nothing else is working for me...My left wrist is better! Yay; perhaps it was just having a bad week as November started...11-4-08; in 1 game of Golden Tee Live I had a couple of shots posted to You Tube. There are/were 15 total greatest shot videos on the "Sunny Wood" course, and I had 2 of them on 11-5. That's good, right? Never mind--I have a few shots up there on different courses now...I finally finished one of my own poker tournaments; woo...MM pinball scores were reset; my first game back was 309 million. The moat is still broken, and nobody will touch that score (with a broken moat), thank you...I fiddled with my PS2, and got it to work; yay. So now I can GT4 again...My dreams are getting more vivid--a by-product of better relaxation...I got sick on 11-20, and I want to die now...MM pinball is fixed--sort of. But now it's steeper and less friendly--hard as shit...Little bugs are continuing to dive-bomb me; why?..Is it just me, or does everybody promise to appreciate life more as they get over being sick? I'm so happy to finally be able to almost barely breathe through both sides of my nose again (11-24) that I'm promising to: exercise, clean house, meditate, and write to my FCP daily--ASAP...
New foods this month: Starting 11-1-08 (consider the day before), we have 2 bags of vegan lollipops to get through...More tofu sponges, and she turns them into ketchup sandwiches...My newest creation: Tempeh/Spaghetti, and it rules!..No more of that almost acceptable almond cheese substitute stuff for her--it's not vegan...Going more vegan? Our only pasta sauces will be Newman's Own Organics now, and our only fake burgers will be Amy's...Trying out a "pea" soak; green and black-eyed (stay tuned), and it's good! Then we fried the pea paste, and that was also excellent!..Happy with me, yay, Girlfriend made another batch of cookie bars, and a pile of hummus for me to sample; mmmm...Mid-month I made my first batch of crock-potted vegan beef stew, with some of Girlfriend's TVP--excellent!..We've been doing carrot and celery sticks daily; yay us!..My 2nd batch of vegan beef stew was made old-school style; on the stove! Yum, and gone in 2 days...Then Static Girl made some soup with lots of celery. It was okay, but she called it "crappy". Yum...She and I disagree on eggs and honey; I like them both...Local tea; the organic Yogi Honey Lemon Throat Comfort helped me get through a minor sickness...More stove-top vegan beef stew (round 3).
This month of Blues Jamming: 11-6-08; it's been awhile since I've said 'This was the best jam ever!' This one fucking was--there were more musicians than audience. It was the first Westside Blues Jam EVER that had 2 sign-up sheets (more than 20 musicians). MT came back, Axle was back, Max and RightBob, 3 R's on other guitars, with Tomas permanently in place--5 fucking drummers (Theo even brought a bonus guitar player, C, who got to play MT's 4th set with poker star/guitar A), 4 harps--thanks to MJ's appearance; Z-Bass' warm-up song was "Amberlee", MJ's was 'Roll up the windows', MT's was "I Don't Care" (sweet); honestly there wasn't much more they could have done for me, and they did stuff for ME in all 4 sets...11-13; early poker and Patriots/Jets game start. K's reunited guitar and Roger did set 2, Max and A did set 3 (A reverse bottlenecked with a green Bic lighter, sweet). Bonus drummer's girlfriend wanted to make out with me; instead, I got drunk, made everybody cough, and cabbed home...11-20-08. I woke up with a sore throat, and did not feel very Blues Jammy early. But I wound up going, and having a blast (I'm going to get sick anyway--might as well tie one on.). It was an epic smog-fest; a glug and puff of monumental background noise. K did set 2, with Z, and I bribed them to play Amberlee. Axle did his frontman dance. Then it starts to get blurry. Bonus drummer chick kept flirting with me; poker A did set 3 nicely. Horn Boy showed, and would factor in later as my ride home. BLURRY. He took me to a couple of different places, and eventually home--with his trumpet in hand. I was begging him to play it and wake up my girlfriend (what the hell; I'll be dead tomorrow anyway), but he wouldn't. We love Horn Boy; he also gave me some "fish". I apparently went through 3 pairs of underwear this night; and no, I cannot explain it. Perhaps I shit in my sleep?
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I believe in God, but just barely. And now common sense is starting to pull me away--as I see God being used by others as simple justification to do bad things. George Carlin and Dan Piraro make some pretty good arguments against religion, and I'm not even going to glance over there at Bill Maher and his "Religulous"--that might make me cry...God wants me to meditate; that's my story (More personal peace, less individual stress, and daily relevance--sign me up!)...Okay, okay. I was worried that a dive into meditation might belittle a need for a unifying love force that I like to call "God". It turns out that there does exist a "higher intelligence" that is seperate from God...
What's different here than in college town: This small Oregon area has many different titles, and I just learned another one; we are: "Northwest of Normal"...Oregon exported $893 million to China in the third quarter of 2008 (our top export country)...Oregon has the best tasting and least expensive truffles in the world. I know next to nothing about this pungent fungus--but we will learn more!..Same as college town; the college football civil war happened the same day here...Convicted felons are being set free in Oregon because there aren't enough jail beds for them...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Who the fuck cares? We are not in Arizona anymore, and neither is TPG--which was why we went there in 2000. Oh; TPG says 'hi'--he is well-dressed in Washington state.
Life with Static Girl: My most incredible of girlfriends has a new website thingie; "http://riftvegan.livejournal.com/". Maybe she'll update it weekly now! Actually, it's a daily Drift with Rift..Between my Static Girl's "mostly vegan", and my "seriously semi-vegetarian" (that I call New Vegetarianism), we have a pretty good grasp of the non-cruelty and eco-friendly ideal...My girlfriend dropped and shattered something on the kitchen floor. She did NOT yell, cuss, flail her arms wildly, or stomp around; she didn't even shoot birds at the mess she made. She calmy went for the broom and dustpan. "Effective; but kind of boring sometimes": THAT'S my girlfriend!..She's already read 75 books this year--my Librarian Goddess Girlfriend. She buys so many books from Amazon that she gets free shipping--which I am also utilizing to get my first Jose Silva book...She likes UPS; I am more of a "regular mail" guy...To save me from having to rub Miley Cyrus soap all over me, my girlfriend has conceded some of her old vegan glycerine soap bars; yay..."fastidious"--now that's a big word for Boo, who is dainty and timid...Static Girl's hair grows about an inch per day--it's like kudzu. She also sheds, and it's everywhere! I ask her if it's wonderful to have so much hair, and she just rolls her eyes...Ask me about my super hot vacation spot--the magic lamp!..More comparisons to my girlfriend; Brittany Murphy! I don't need to see her in Maxim bikini pictures. Just Brittany; in a t-shirt, with dark hair down, and no make-up--wow! She could easily be Static Girl's hot younger sister...If I asked her to, my "insanely awesome" Rift Vegan S.O. would be the ultimate serial killer's girlfriend; she sincerely does not care what I do. And I DO have some time to kill. Hmmm...She was right, again; ordering online/home delivery saves the problems of driving, parking, and dealing with idiots in stores. I still like regular mail, though...My girlfriend makes me sick! She brought home some sore throat bug from her new job; boo (11-19). Then my girlfriend said I need to drink more; but not alcohol...Static Girl went grocery shopping with me; I was a great companion until the checkout, where (yet again) stupid women are allowed to run around and make bad decisions and cause problems for people like us who actually know how to read...My girlfriend is a living reminder of how thankful I should be everyday. Because of her, I am King Shit of All Time...
My FCP has this for me: She works hard, and uses me as a mental vacation--I like that...She's a big fan of sushi, which I have not had yet, but look forward to eating off of her...Later there might be some wasabi on me, and some guacamole in her valley--never mind!..We traded nice Thanksgiving e-mails with praise and flirtation...She and I are strangely symbiotic shapes cut from compatible fabric. And I could go on, but I actually have to finish this Sidebar shit and get back to writing to her.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: (I cannot be the only person thinking this:) Let the fucking oil companies (and their trillion dollar 2008 profits) bail out the big 3 auto-makers...One American is arrested on marijuana charges every 36 seconds (Alternet)...Citigroup is cutting 52,000 jobs; nice...
A thought to take with you: "All matter comes from a primary substance, the luminiferous ether..."--Nikola Tesla
"My greatest wealth is the deep stillness in which I strive and grow and win what the world cannot take from me with fire or sword"--Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Band names: Calcified Lesions (KornBob),
"Flammable Pepper Spray" (CSI), "Airplane Pills" (PTI), "Poliosis" (Jeff Dunham).
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I've been reading web stuff about Nikola Tesla; ain't it funny how your "processed" education teaches you nothing about him OR Edgar Cayce...Reading; sure, wtf, it's reading. Have you "read" the new GQ magazine with naked Jennifer Anniston on the cover? Yum...
Watching: UFO Hunters, Robot Chicken, comedy.
Class Projects: We are Whale Warriors...Modern Marvels on the History Channel; wow...Ocean Animal Emergency on Nova...Emperor Penguins on PBS...Wall-E...
Shit I watch alone: Comedy Central's "Live at Gotham", Sundance documentary "Origin of AIDS", Georgia comedian Blake Clark is good...Seattle comedian David Crowe is also good...
Crappy cable movies: Insurgents, Net Games, Gamers--Beyond the Arcade, Very Young Girls (the average age of a prostitute is 13), The Keeper, Blue Demon,
(play it agains:) Gacy, Talk Radio, Fight Club (that's Meatloaf as "Bob"), When Stand Up Stood Out, Lewis Black on Broadway,
Watching and Hearing: Sundance Channel; "Radiohead: Meeting People is Easy", the new Spectacle thing with Elvis Costello, live from Abbey Road, History of the Traveling Wilburys; (Biography Channel) a Biography of Meatloaf, G + R; did you hear Peter Gabriel singing at the end of Wall-E?
This 'watching and hearing' thing used to be all about how I could name the songs in commercials with just a quick listen to a few notes. TPG is really good at that, too (much better than I am). But with my DVR now, I don't watch OR listen to commercials so much. Yay me.
Hearing: NIN "With Teeth", Both Caviar discs, DJ barkeep turned me on to Eugene's own Sweaty Nipples; I've been playing Christmas music, both discs of Foo's "In Your Honor", Tool's "10,000 Days", Crystal Method,
Over Christmas, Static Brother played the new Enya for us. Static Daddy burned lots of albums into disc, so we also heard old music from the early 20th Century; a full Andrews Sisters CD, a disc of love songs from the 40's, some Duke Ellington, and more. We also heard some Trans Siberean Orchestra (TSO) Christmas music that sounded alot like Meatloaf to me. And, why didn't Meatloaf do a Christmas album?
New on the radio; soon on the radio--look for a new Depeche Mode CD in March '09...
Musical Purchases this month from the Tom Tucker discount wall at CDWorld, my Barbie Dream Home: (full price actually) The new Cure CD "4:13".
Out and About: Billy Joel at Albertson's. Out and about would include concerts, right? I passed on Mike Tracey's NYEve celebration at Mac's. After getting kicked out of my bar at 8 pm on NYEve, I headed to see The Johnson Unit at another nearby bar.
Singing (singing is also the music of my internal jukebox): "Hey Let Go", "Aloha", and "She's Your Problem Now"--Caviar, "Dream Police"--Cheap Trick,
What I want today: Illegal, underage, expensive, disgusting. Yeah, pretty much the usual.
New stuff this month or so: ALL I asked of the New York Jets was that they win their final home game against Miami; apparently I asked too much from those greenie meanies. Good luck to the Dolphins, and my Patriots can take ONE post-season off...In the SEC family, we all are Florida fans here at the end of the year. We all bleed aqua and orange for 2 weeks, and we all drink 1 extra bottle of Gatorade, too. We are a family, and YOU do not fuck with our family...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Cash King--candles, incense;
Occupational Hazards: I've figured out what I want to do for my next job: I want to be one of those black guys at the airport who push wheelchairs around. I politely asked one about how to apply for that job, and he acted all snooty and distant--like he was better than me, and that his current employment was way below him. Wow; that's not how I would do it. See; I'd be happy to wheel the old rich people around. I'd get them talking, make them all laugh, and EARN that $12 an hour--and those big tips. I'd be thankful to get to help like that; I wouldn't scowl and act superior like all the people I saw.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Got a new Golden Tee card/my Golden Tee handicap started at +13 this month, went up to +17, and now dropped back to +16; woo. And; new student M has beaten me twice already...(I got over being regular sick, and now) 12-8; it's official--my ears are messed up again. Stupid Dr. won't reload the prescription w/out a $100 clinic visit; fuckers. I weigh 204 fully dressed; so I've gained about 10 lbs...I had to spend 5 minutes scraping ice off of my van to drive to the bar; that was fun. And; a smart guy would put snow in his bong...I won my 2nd poker tournament on 12-21; woo...With my AFC team out (Patriots), I have traded hats back to my NFC team (Panthers)...Over Christmas I played 2 new games; Blokus and Buzzword. I fucking rule Buzzword, especially the music questions (gee, imagine)...
New foods this month: As I am unemployed, and Static Girl is under-employed, we will be dropping down the "food chain" in the new year--for affordability's sake...Drunk Spaghetti Burritos; yum...I created "These Eyes Are Made For Crying" Salsa (patent pending)...Adding vegetarian chili to my rice pots--nice...I'm cooking all kinds of shit with vegetarian broth now...I'll be drinking much more (cheap) hot tea...Triscuits (wheat, salt, and oil) may be on the way down; we have local, family-owned, Carmen's tortilla chips (corn, salt, and oil), and their oil becomes biofuel...Static Mama made "ragout" for us; which is, according to the dictionary, 'well seasoned meat with vegetables in a thick sauce", but in her application it is a yummy wet black-eyed pea dish seasoned with kale...Maple garlic peppered almonds; mmmm...
This month of Blues Jamming: 12-4-08; 2nd Jam ever with 2 sign-up sheets (more musicians than customers again). What a night! Guitars K and A did the 4th set together, I played golf with student M all night; I was popular and praised--no, I don't know why. What an amazing show...12-11-08; I drove K to the bar--good move on my part, because his ride never showed. A + K 1st set, Max + A 2nd set, new women, it was awesome. Beautiful, until I pissed off the bonus drummer. I may have been drunk, flirty, and out of control by that point; who knows? I'm pretty well blacked out after the music; don't remember paying my tab, the ride home (hey--who brought me home?), puking, or trashing the kitchen. Call me Mr. Hangover (next week, 2 regular ladies said that I was not in the wrong--the bonus drummer's girlfriend was hitting on me)...12-18; snow jam. Gus is dead at home, snif, Static Girl took me to the bar (yay). My voice got loud, mutherfucker; I made up for a couple of quiet weeks tonight. Only 3 sets, because of the ice ice baby...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God has been a little quiet lately--maybe He's meditating...From the mouth of the cool pastor we see over Christmas; 'Jesus was a problem child.'...
What's different here than in college town: A personal weather experience (mine); in 5 minutes outside, the temp. dropped from 60 to 40, that's from a t-shirt to a winter coat, in less than a cigarette. Wow...Across the street from from CDWorld, I saw a guy all bent over, screaming and cussing at the sidewalk. Jumping up and down--he was throwing a real fit. I was amused, and thought 'Hey, that's like what I used to do back in Georgia.'...3/5's (60%) of art-rock band "Yes" will be performing in Portland; tickets are $75. Ha; I wouldn't pay even 60% OF $75...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Metal thieves (and meth heads) are stealing the bronze flower pots from cemetery graves here...
Life with Static Girl: She blogged for 30 days straight, which is nice. But now we probably won't hear from her for weeks...My girl got sick to start December, but she's going to bounce back stronger than ever...My girlfriend actually MAKES the postcards she sends all around the world; the world is a very lucky place...I've got it! The answer is "Tina Fey". The question is: if Static Girl and I were to be combined into a single person--who is it?..She and I did incredible shopping together: in and out, straight shots, 4 stores in about an hour. Beat that and be happy...I broil tater tots for my amazing girlfriend, and offer to worship her daily. She just sighs and rolls her eyes...My girlfriend is 100 different Humane Society/Save the Animals coffee mugs; I am many beer glasses stolen from different bars. Never mind...The Smart One was WRONG about the dead battery in Gus. She said he would not start again in 2008--she didn't know how resilient the Bus is...Unlike YOUR stupid girlfriend, MY Static Girl admits that, sometimes, there is no pleasing her...Girlfriend likes my Panthers hat way better than my Patriots hat because the Carolina hat has a "kitty" on it...This is how wonderfully screwed up my girlfriend is; over the Christmas eating season she actually LOST 5 lbs. My supermodel love doll weighs 120 pounds after Christmas!..I wanted to go to the grocery; she wanted to go for a walk. So we wound up walking to the grocery together--and it was great! We are cool...Back upstairs now, I refer to our guinea pigs as the "Penthouse Piggies".
My FCP has this for me: My awesome Long-Distance Girlfriend sent me a sweetly wonderful Christmas Time About Me survey, which I then turned into a serious cry for help...I envision alternate realities with her...Our e-mails are so hot and steamy that the vapors linger for days...She sent me a fantastic portrait of herself that I stare at for hours...Playing Dr.? I want to give her a head-to-toes exam; checked, double-checked, and triple-checked. A full-body familiarization, a complete cavity search and celebration, multiple tangible temperature readings, and full shower curtain sensory enlightenment. This will take mountains of metaphors, and months of research; it's the kind of work I will eagerly lose myself in. Like; 'I'm going to break into her laboratory and experiment with everything'...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: The east coast has no acorns; wtf? That's not good...Credit card companies are closing accounts that have been inactive for more than a year. So that credit card you keep "for emergencies", but don't use, will be cancelled--have a nice day...XDR-TB! (Extensively Drug Resistant Tuberculosis) It's the best hope yet for a medical epidemic. Did you know that 1/3 of the world already is infected with TB? There is hope!..One in three Americans has a weight problem (and of the other 2; 1 is skinny, and the other is lucky)...
A thought to take with you: "Just 'cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."--George Carlin
A song like "Barak the magic N-word" would be QUITE offensive; yes. But since the word "negro" is THE term black people chose for how we should refer to them, then calling any brother or sister a "magic negro" is high praise. Negroes may refer to me as The Magic Cracker, and I won't be offended.
"If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did the money go?"--Steven Wright
"Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor."--Queen Elizabeth I (talking about me, obviously)
Band names: (4 for my FCP:) Amusement Park Buffet, Twister Tarp Sex, Quality Disturbance, Power Surge, (3 for food:) Drunk Spaghetti Burritos, Broiled Tater Tots, Waffle House Lust, (3 from personal experience:) "Snowbong", "Drunk Snow Fight", and "Responsible Criminals" (real Oregon band "Hyding Jeckyl")
(...last month we were...)
Reading: Over the past couple of months I have read at least 5 news articles (2 from the local newspaper) about how we should NOT feed bread to ducks. Bread is bad for them; it's not a natural foodstuff. Okay. Then these news articles go into unnecessary detail about what bread does to their little duck-gestive systems. Whatever. Hey yo, Brenda Starr, ace reporter bitch; either tell us what we CAN feed the ducks, or just say 'Don't feed the ducks.' That's FIVE articles written, all 'single pointing' (linear, with ZERO alternatives). Did you fuckers even TAKE Journalism in college? News people are stupid--they deserve to lose their newspapers...I want to read "When Technology Fails: A Manual for Self-Reliance, Sustainability and Surviving the Long Emergency"--Matthew Stein, P.E....
Watching: "31 Days of Sundance" is good stuff!..And where the fuck is my CBS? Has it been deleted from my Dish? Nobody told me about this shit. I KNOW the Dolphins host the Ravens this morning (1-4-09), on CBS, but the channel is no longer available here? Oh, I am going to raise some shit now. Imagine if it were my Patriots not getting shown today; rivers of blood, baby. Next week it's 2 games on CBS? I will kill something, and cuss out CBS myself...
Class Projects: More Modern Marvels, More Oregon Art Beats, The Ascent of Money (PBS; there's a new "Electric Company" on PBS, as well.), House, Big Solutions for a Small Planet on Sundance,
movies together: The Darwin Awards (nice), Ice Age Meltdown,
Shit I watch alone: Scrubs, The "Comics Without Borders" Marathon on Showtime; good stuff...Robert Schimmel's "Life Since Then", a Dat Phan comedy special, Dave Attell's Insomniac Tour in Vegas; (the Seattle comedian I like is David CROSS, not Crowe; sorry Dave)...Debbie Does Dallas Again (Showtime)...30 Rock (Hello Selma Hayek!), Taylor Swift on SNL (18 and I like it), "Marijuana: Industry" on CNBC, "Make 'Em Laugh" on PBS, "Escape From Suburbia; Beyond the American Dream" on Sundance, "The Chaser's War on Everything" is okay, "Damages" is boring, and all 3 hours of my new Denis Leary DVD,
Courtney Cox on Scrubs; sweet...Jon Stewart has done The Daily Show for 10 years now...House turned 100 episodes old...
Crappy cable movies: The Tripper, Hostel 2, Devour, Red Mercury, Harsh Times, Somersault, Nightwatch, Dead Mary, Blue Velvet, Out of Season, Drop Dead Sexy, Scorched, He Was A Quiet Man, Hide, Sleep Easy Hutch Rimes, The Ferryman, Dead Weekend, The Pumpkin Karver, Paranoia 1.0,
Play it Again's: "Living Death", "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back", "Dahmer",
Watching and Hearing: nothing
Hearing: Buck Naked and the Bare Bottom Boys, both Crumb CD's, Ty Curtis, Offspring, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion,
New on the radio; this should have been in the January Sidebar! When Gus died for a few days (12-18-08), the recharged (from death) battery meant that the radio clock and presets had to be done again. I found a new radio station at the extreme left edge of the FM dial; it's a college station, maybe, and they play obscure Modest Mouse! How fucking cool is that?..New Meat Puppets; is it called "Rise to Your Knees"?..
Musical Purchases this month from the Tom Tucker discount wall at CDWorld, my Barbie Dream Home: nothing
Out and About: Billy Joel at Albertson's, Chicago and Elvis at Dollar Tree...The blues satellite station at Diablo's bar rocks...DJ Barkeep gave me a night of Led Zeppelin (I missed naming "Carouselambra")...
Singing: "Flagpole Sitta"--Harvey Danger, "I Don't Care" and "Good Man"--Mike Tracey (aka: "MT"), "Gone Daddy Gone"--Violent Femmes, "Creep"--Radiohead (real, live Guitar Hero karaoke, baby!),
What I want today: A new trash bag for my closet filled up with this new Afghanny weed I've been hearing about. And I want an indoor garden, a bigger kitchen, and a better cure for a hangover.
New stuff this month or so: New roommate, sort of. We have a spider living in the living room. I respect the web, and am trying to catch a sink bug for him/her...Some independent company rated lots of exercise gadgets. Most of them got tossed out, but my big exercise balls did make the final cut...Use cold water for everything; it has less lead than hot water. Run cold water and heat it yourself. We can't save the planet if we're all dying from lead poisoning...My Clif bars are being recalled. How do Georgia legumes wind up in Oregon Clif Bars?..A Terminater 4 movie? This Summer? I'd go...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Hot sauce, pickles, burrito wraps, antacids, and chips from Dollar Tree;
Occupational Hazards: You have GOT to be kidding me.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: More from last month; I started doing all my laundry in cold water, because that will supposedly save the earth...With the golf game on the fritz, and the pinball machine set to impossible; a person beat me at golf AND pinball on the same night, which has never happened before...I got to use my new Christmas screwdriver to take apart my vaccum cleaner and replace a belt...I broke one of my girlfriend's plates, then gashed my finger on it while apologizing...At the bar, they got me a new brew; Green Legs Organic Ale. It's strong--so I don't drink as much...Golf student M beat me twice in one night...
Monday 1-19-09 I scored 388 mil on the too difficult MM pinball (wow), and was crowned again; 103 mil (score #3) on the weak-flippered Diablo's Sopranos pinball. My golf handicap is down to +15. On the 2008 Golden Tee course Misty Springs I got my first score of -20 on the newest Live games. Later, on MM pinball, I made 3 lock shots from the left flipper--which I'm pretty sure is an impossible shot. I'd never done it before, in 10 years, but did it 3 times in an hour on 1-13-09...On 1-20-09 (at golf) I also scored a -20 on Bonnie Moor...then a -21 on 1-27-09...
New foods this month: My bar manager turned me on to his own home-made spicy, peppered jerky, which I (love, and) named "Afterburner Jerky"; imagine jerky so hot that 90% of jerky people don't even like it. YUM!..My first soup of 2009 was black-eyed pea; very garlic salty...Static Girl called it a "casserole" when my soup didn't turn out liquidified; yum...Then more salty soup to pour over flat rice (making simple things better than average--that's what I do)...And more salty black-eyed soup (cheap and good)...Vegan Simply Asian dishes are yummy..."Scratch-ghetti" is when you make spaghetti from scratch; duh. I am amazing...Adding my soup to a ricepot, I created "Stewlash"...
This month of Blues Jamming: no jam 1-1-09, but I went to the bar and yelled anyway; they kicked me out at 8:30 pm, again--just like the night before...1-7-09; bonus Weds. Blues Jam, Downtown Blues Band: MT played many songs for me (also, he should have a CD out in about a month), Paul Biondi and student Jared dueled saxophones, T-Bone showed, 3 drummers (Solomon!); fantastic. I drank water; MT said he would come to my Jam tomorrow night...1-8-09 TH...wait for it...yes he did! MT in the house! Back at MY Westside Blues Jam, after 2 weeks off, and I did not drink any water. 3 times as many musicians as customers, and 2 sign-up sheets again. An old-fashioned excellent first set. K + A together in set 3, and a great time was had by all. Over these 2 nights I heard most of my MT songs...1-15-09; busy night. Girlfriend drove me down there. Pre-music 3-person smog-fest in an enclosed moving truck; smoke billows out like Cheech and Chong. Poker outside; I won $10. Drunk and disorderly again. Me? Max rocked; K got the 4th set. The golf party began after M showed. I'm starting to remember less and less of these things. Came home and wiped out my scratch-ghetti...1-22-09; Girlfriend drove me down again. Max, K, all the regulars; what a show! 4 or 5 sets. Golf M showed for a late 54 holes. Very loud and fun...1-29-09; Girlfriend drove me down again. I was funny early. Too many musicians again. Big surprises; Max was turned away (boo), 3rd set had a jolt. I was outside smoking with Mark the Harp, so who the hell is that playing harmonica? Mike Tracey came by to blow us away and tell me his CD is almost finished. Nice. K even got to play guitar with MT. I actually sat and listened to most of it all. I may have drunk way too much...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is probably trying to sell the earth right now, but nobody wants to buy a poison virus like humans.
What's different here than in college town: We are a top 5 state in ranks of the unemployed, and I am doing my part...King Nut, Kellogg, Peter Pan; and there will be other company names thrown around later--like Little Debbie and McKee. Their Poison Peanut Butter is sickening over 500 people in 43 different states (and Canada); it's killed 9 so far, and it all came from a plant in Georgia that is owned by "Peanut Corporation of America"...A woman in different apartments of my neighborhood fired her gun up through the ceiling, hitting her upstairs neighbor in the foot. Even a dumb GA boy like me knows to not fire your gun upward unless you live on the top floor...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: 2 local, White tv weathermen in their 60's were "let go" this month; one of them looks like the "Hey; ask for the Wolfman." guy from the old TBS commercials. The new weatherpeople are females and minorities...We have an openly gay mayor up here, named after a beer (Sam Adams), 45, who had an affair with an 17 yr. old legal intern. Instead of being upset, I think we're all kind of proud of him. (I doubt I could still bag a 17 yr. old)...
Life with Static Girl: It's worthy of mention again; because of my Static Girl's yummy bread-making, we did not buy any bread from the grocery in 2008...She can destroy a conversation before it even happens (which is normally a guy trick). She also can eliminate the NEED for a discussion with a nod or shake of her head. And a "shrug" by her may mean there is still more to talk about, but I doubt it...I was in the process of offering to share soon-to-be-broiled tater tots with her, and she informed me that we would NOT be having any tater tots--she had finished them already. Bad girlfriend!..Stealth Girlfriend; she can open the front door, come in, close/lock it, and take her shoes off so silently that the guinea pigs don't even hear her. She's quiet...She doesn't approve of the curse words or threats, but my RiftVegan babe is a huge fan of general outdoor graffiti. I always have appreciated good spray-art, as well. We've been dating 10 years, and still there are many things for us to learn...Sitting on the Warped Tour, watching tv, I asked my girlfriend if she liked the program. She said "I don't really understand everything, but it's okay." And I said "Yeah; welcome to MY world."..."Mouse Blankets"; what an incredible band name, AND they are the cute little things my girlfriend crochets (there's a thumbnail sketch on her website)...She and I argue about the spelling of "reciprOcation" (I say it has an "o"); I also helped learn her the "square" trick on a calculator...Guinea Pig Girlfriend; if you scare her, or touch her in a pain/stress zone, her whole body jumps--like she's under attack from a bird of prey...Some people say to their Significant Other 'You are my sunshine.'. I tell my Dark Angel: 'You are my cloud cover.' (she likes that)...
For one week the guinea pigs were "Carolina Panthers"; unfortunately it did not last.
My FCP has this for me: She makes me hungry in my "mental stomach", and I DO get hungry 3 or 4 times daily...Hot salsa with a sweet tinge, she is...She says my e-mails amuse her; and, some of my e-mails to her still amuse ME...MY long distance porn star sent me a lovely box of food and toys; 4 kinds of hot sauce, and coffee. She loves me...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: 8 countries have nuclear weapons, and all the other countries want them...Only 1 in 200 US high schoolers is vegetarian--that's pretty bad...The first $350 billion of the bailout is gone and unaccounted for; nice..."Big coffee drinkers tend to hallucinate, hear voices more."--front page of Yahoo, 1-14-09, and later in Conspiracy Journal...There's life on Mars; and Motorola is cutting 4,000 jobs...Circuit City is shutting 567 stores...1,120,000 lost U.S. retail jobs in 2008...A Seattle guy, on a 5-day binge of cocaine and heroin, stabbed his wife to death with a screwdriver, and was sentenced to 12 whole years in prison (I want THAT judge after I go on MY killing spree)...
A thought to take with you: "When you're so drunk that you cannot get in to your own unlocked vehicle, perhaps you don't need to drive home."--W. C. Davis
"Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through."--Jonathan Swift
Band names: "Liquidified", "Rivers of Blood", "Poison Peanut Butter", "Idiopathic" (too bad it's a real word), Lethality, Porniverous (mine), "Familiar Trash" and "Inequilibrium" (FCP), hang on, "Inequilibriated"?, "Mouse Blankets" (Static Girl) (real Canadian band) "3 Inches of Blood", (real Oregon cover band) "Cheap Truck"
(...last month we were...)
Reading: Ha! I GOT the $35 book "When Technology Fails" by Matthew Stein. It's an encyclopedia of knowledge about cool survival stuff...(I read that) The FOE website is taking a break. I wish Fred the best in all things family and health, and hope that he will want to come back and share his insights someday...I got an e-mail that boasted of a cure for cancer, but that Big Pharma was holding it back; I believe that...
Watching: MTV is at least trying--with 4 new messed up programs...Have you seen any of the new "Rescue Me" previews? (You're crazy. You're like, 'Margot Kidder hiding in the bushes' crazy.) It comes back in April, and it will be awesome!..
Class Projects: Big Ideas/Small Planet, Bones, Oregon Art Beat/Oregon Field Guide, the new Joss Whedon "Dollhouse" thing, "Haunted" on Sci-Fi,
4 episodes of her 1980's Dr. Who,
movies together: not quite
Shit I watch alone: PTI, Daily Show, Countdown; Robot Chicken, Scrubs, House, the Soup, United States of Tara, Secret Diary of Billie Piper, at least NBC has Sunday hockey games, Sarah Connor Chronicles is back, SNL, "Nazi America: A Secret History" on the History channel, IFC short film showcase, Meatloaf on "Private Sessions", (comedy) Christopher Titus "Love is Evol" (twice), John Caparulo "Meet Cap" (twice), Bill Engvall "15 Degrees", (former Soup host) Aisha Tyler is Lit, comedian Kevin Hart,
Crappy cable movies: I borrowed "Street Fighter" from golf student M; Jawbreaker, Rising Sun: Christian Hosoi, Sicko (brilliant), Daredevil, Wilderness, Crazy As Hell, Walk The Line, Chapter 27, Deterrance, Captivity, There Will Be Blood, (I did bong hits and watched 1936's) Reefer Madness, SFW, Sideways, Smooth Talk, Noise,
Play it Again's: Cliffhanger, Kalifornia, Hollow Man 2, The Last Seduction,
Watching and Hearing: The Shamwow guy is now promoting a slam-chopper--but I already have a slam-chopper!..I don't know what an "Angry Whopper" is, but I will find out. Boo. They are weak as shit...
Hearing: "Gasolina" and self-titled "Five Eight" (My favorite band from Athens is Five Eight, hey, we pretty much had another Five Eight February!), both discs of Ted Nugent's "Out of Control", Ty Curtis Band "Stubborn Mind", Jesus Lizard "Blue", and now a live one, too.
New on the radio; Rob Zombie has finished his new project. It will be released after he remakes Halloween (one of a dozen Hollywood do-overs this year)...
Musical Purchases this month from the Tom Tucker discount wall at CDWorld, my Barbie Dream Home: not quite
Out and About: DJ Barkeep plays his awesome Korn covers disc often, and Mendozza. Then he loaned me 2 Jesus Lizards; sweet...Bar manager plays good Ice Cube and Snoop Dog...Did all the stores I go to turn their music down, or am I going deaf again?
Singing: "Razor"--Hazel Virtue, "Shut Me Off" and "I'm Still Around"--Five Eight, "Dream On"--Depeche Mode, "Another Tricky Day"--the Who, "Rocky Mountain Way"--Joe Walsh,
What I want today: A job interview at a place that sells quality American products I believe in...I want a unicycle...I want some beginner beanbags to learn juggling...
New stuff this month or so: There was a bar/restaurant here, "Our Place" (with my top score on Bride of Pinbot pinball), but now it is a bar-b-que joint, "Porky's Palace"; hmmm...I had internet links to excellent Nikola Tesla material; free energy, time travel, constant motion (yawn), and now those links have been dissolved...Overgrown; some weeds are invasive, and some are pleasing...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): not as such
Occupational Hazards: not yet
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I am going to start demanding that people explain their stupid positions on things before I comply. In case you don't know: people are still dumb; dumb like 'drooling window-lickers' dumb...Awesome chick at the bar gave me Tiger Woods 2001 for the PS2; it's hard as shit...My job interview went okay; we'll see...new Nag Champa incense for us--Satya Saibaba (super hit)...(first it's hearing, and now) Selective Vision, too? My eyes are now adding letters to some printed words, and deleting letters from other words. It's like an entertainment discussion group in my head...Drunk people at my bar did shots, and I called it "insanetupidity"...I have not been exercising nearly enough (bad), but now there is no nerve stress/pain aggravation in the right shoulder (good)...I have been hearing my 'telltale' heartbeat in my ears forever. Some people are claiming that hearing their own heartbeat in their ears makes life impossible. Sheesh. You fuckers should listen to your ears bubble like a coffeemaker, and also feel like there's a roach crawling around your ear canal for 30 years--now THAT can make life difficult...Is there a new unemployment program extension?..
(with regular clubs) I shot 9 eagles in 1 game on the Bonnie Moor 2009 GT golf course...(with my clubs) For February, 2009, apparently I was the worldwide Golden Tee points champion on the 2008 Misty Springs course; with 6116 points (2-13-09)...The new golf game came to my bar on 2-27-09.
New foods this month: Adding tater tots to salty soup makes (wait for it) Tater Tot Stew!..Cheap food; potatos become "Overnight Fries" and "Hometato Skins"...Invented before, and done again; it's "Fried Leftovers"...I made some really good "stewp", but it smelled of extreme bubble gum. Weird (Beans soak every week; soup, stewp, chili, whatever. It's good and cheap.)...Spaghettaroni...The magic food; black-eyed peas (let me explain): neither a pea, nor a bean; they are a leguminous herb (like peanuts), cultivated in the southern U S. Yum...
This month of Blues Jamming: 2-5-09; great show. 5 sets, and all the regulars; plus Max L, Nattie played with K, a keyboard student Josh, too. I got drunk and watched most of it unfold...2-12-09; Max L first set, J + Ro 2nd, K played 3rd, a new Vince and Vincent 4th set, A + Ra 5th. Wow. Axel, Steve Steele, and V. S. showed (big show Wow Hall 2-21). I hit the wall after many beers...2-19-08; not enough people again. All the good musicians were there, and Vicki Stevens showed to remind me of her Saturday show. I rocked; no golf, and tougher than ever pinball. Man of Steele gave me a ride home...2-21-09, Saturday, Breakfast with the Blues KRVM benefit at the WOW Hall, downtown Eugene. The Vicki Stevens band, Michael Tracey + the Hi-Tones, and the Ty Curtis band (Paul Biondi played sax/flute with all 3 bands); this was the show of the Century. I hung out with Vicki and her very proud dad, John; saw the whole Wed.s night gang, and some of the Thurs. gang, too. The final triple encore with everybody on stage (5 front people) was outrageous. I broke into tears twice--it was that good...2-26-09; MT was back at my bar to run sound and blow harp. Fantastic party night. Some hot British chick brought me home. The next night, Friday 2-27, was when the new golf game came, and 2 more bands played at my bar; dubious, and Placebo Effect. Very nice...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: not much
What's different here than in college town: The most famous local band up here is Floater; 3 guys who have gone through many transitions and phases. Huge locally, but not very popular out of the northwest, Floater is a good compare/contrast to Five Eight...Hey! How do you pronounce the word "wash"? Being from Georgia, I DO talk it with an "r"; it's "WARSH", baby!..To be repeated: Oregon's population is 90% White...Georgia furloughed 25,000 state workers. Okay...Similar; UGA's quarterback is going to go to Detroit, just like UO's did a few years ago...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: (This should be reversed) Oregon has the most solar manufacturing of any state in America...Arizona may have In + Out Burger, but we now have a single restaurant named "Burger Lovers", and I'm going to do a little research. We also have a Govinda all-vegetarian buffet, if I can ever get my girlfriend to venture out to eat again...Oregon's population is 90% White...Fish! You can catch deep-sea lingcod, right now, without leaving dry land. It's called "shore fishing"...
Life with Static Girl: I melted her cocoa can while making my Overnight Fries; bad boyfriend!..I sometimes walk her to work in the morning. If she spoke, she would say 'Dude; you've done it like, twice--that's not "sometimes"--that's not even a trend.'...Ceiling strand; far above the shower, stalactiting down, was a foot-long, dark hair. How is that? She can't even REACH the ceiling! Taking notes from me; my girl is now doing her OWN physically impossible stuff. Wow. Mysterious Girlfriend...If she nods her head once, then that is an answer. If she nods her head more than once, then that is a conversation...Spending some of that "quality time" together, but without a real plan of action, I asked her if she had any "suggestions". She said "Yeah; don't annoy me." Sometimes my girlfriend has brilliant comedic timing...She sleeps flat! There's no need for a pillow or anything. Sometimes she will rest her head on a thin, stuffed animal--but that's hardly pillow-ish...Girlfriend says she can't crochet me a unicycle (boo), but maybe she can crochet me 3 little hackey-sackey things I can juggle (yay)...For a Thursday lunch, she made a peanut butter and chocolate chip sandwich. I'm jealous!..To fix the holes in my socks, she says we must "darn" them. Really? Is that what it's called? Maybe she can crochet me some socks, too...Spending more quality time together, and asking for her "suggestions" of what we could do, she answered 'Can't I just shoot down yours?' (funny girlfriend)...Dolphins and tuna; swimming together happily in our bathtub (her project)...
My FCP has this for me: I am the only stalker she needs, and she needs me...She is the octane boost for my gas tank; she makes my engine rev higher, louder and brighter...She makes me want a sandwich because SHE'S the best thing since sliced bread...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: The U. S. has 761 military bases in other countries around the world (WTF for?)...No job, no money, and no husband; but now Nadya Suleman has 14 kids...186,955 jobs in the telecommunications, computer, and electronics sectors were slashed in 2008 (that's me)...New Hampshire talks Civil War against feds! (Didn't Vermont also do something like this?)...A-Rod is an A-Roid A-Hole; and this shocks who exactly?..On September 15, 2008, $550 BILLION disappeared from the American banking system. Did YOU know that? Wow...O. J. Simpson still gets between $15,000 and $60,000 every month--and it cannot be touched by lawsuits; that's his "allowance"...Beer sales are down 9% (not mine)...The Philadelphia Inquirer (which I have sold subscriptions of at 5 rooms in 3 states) has filed for bankruptcy...Americans are watching 5 hours of tv per day now...
A thought to take with you: Yeah; I've got a thought for you non-White fucks: "White people did not invent slavery. However; White people were the only race to ever abolish it."--W. C. Davis
"THERE IS NOT A TRUTH EXISTING WHICH I FEAR OR WISH UNKNOWN TO THE WHOLE WORLD"--Thomas Jefferson
Band names: "Pleasing Weeds", "Drooling Window-Lickers", "Tater Tot Stew", (for a cover band that smokes alot of pot:) "Fried Leftovers", "Bubble Gum Stewp", "Selective Vision", "Spaghettaroni", "Insanetupidity", "Sliced Bread" and "Crazy Nympho Sweat" (FCP), Portable Polygraph (Bones)
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I read a news article where Paul Gilding had predicted that when Father Greed and Mother Nature hit the wall at the same time (like now) it will be "The Great Disruption"...15 years late, but that's better than never--the "scholars" are now agreeing with me that overpopulation is humanity's biggest issue...
Watching: after 3-16, now crippled and unemployed--that's alot of tv. I'd watch some March Madness, you know, if the fucking Dish Netjerks would bother to re-install CBS.
Class Projects: All new "House" episodes, "Environmental Tech" Modern Marvels, Big Ideas/Small Planet, Dollhouse, 1 Sarah Connor Chronicles,
movies together: not quite
Shit I watch alone: (PTI, Countdown, Daily Show) Hot Pursuit (car chases), Breaking Bad (sweet) came back 3-10-09, The Tony Rock Project is okay, Indy car racing comes back 4-5-09, VH-1's top 100 Hard Rock songs of all time, the inaugural game of the MLS Seattle Sounders (they won), VH-1's I Love The New Millennium's, comedians John Witherspoon, Dana Gould, Louis C. K., Jim Gaffigan, and another Bob and Tom comedy show
Crappy cable movies: Mystic River, Watching the Detectives, The Minus Man, The Man with the Screaming Brain, Madman, The Devil Wears Prada, Mr. Brooks (brilliant), The Royal Tenenbaums, 1998's Godzilla, Goth Cruise, This Filthy World (John Waters), Saw IV, The Player, Bringing Out The Dead, The Babysitters, 1995's Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wassup Rockers, The F Word (IFC), Fired! (a great comedic docu-drama),
Play it Again's: Traffic, To Live and Die in L.A., Terminater 3, Taxi Driver, Strangeland, Along Came A Spider, 5 episodes of Sportsnight,
Watching and Hearing: Not the normal 'watch and hear', but comedian Patton Oswalt is getting some good attention by being on both "United States of Tara" and "Dollhouse"...
Hearing: I did an old-fashioned "Bicycle Song" shower, and used up all the hot water...The boom-booms from the cars that pass us on our street sometimes shake the walls...During all this time I've spent in bed since my ankle injury, I hear so many different birds--thousands of them, screeching through the trees nearby. They sound pissed. Cool...
New on the radio; not new, but on Elwood's "House of Blues" radio show I heard a way-early version of 'Scratch My Back' that was fantastic...
Musical Purchases this month from the Tom Tucker discount wall at CDWorld, my Barbie Dream Home: not shit
Out and About: I'm deaf; I can't hear shit...And now I can't walk...
Singing: "Mr. Blue Sky"--ELO, "Jam On It"--Newcleus, "Last in Line"--Dio, "Too Late For Love"--Def Lepperd, "Can't Get Enough of Your Love"--Bad Company
What I want today: I want for you to come up with 5 songs that YOU play every week, without fail. If you want to explain them all, or give specific details; fine, but that's YOUR bullshit. Just list 5 songs that are important enough for you to NEED to hear them at least once per week--maybe more. We'll discuss this later...
New stuff this month or so: Hey; how's that 'go to college and get a good job' thing working out for ya?..Have you seen the single color, undercover police SUV's yet? Don't worry--you will...Pay attention you pinheads; IF a business is 'too big to fail', THEN that business is 'too big to succeed'. It's also not democratic. It's NOT EVEN a part of the little fake, democratic "shell-game" that our REPUBLIC advertises as our government...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Incense, candles, and cheap (regular) Mountain Dew at Cash King...More Arizona Pomegranate Green Tea, and Gorditas wraps from Dollar Tree
Occupational Hazards: (see the first line of 'personal shit' below) After such; I want to start a completely new kind of work. Something with growing/recycling plants or food. A hemp/pot farm--sure! Or I would work at a recycling business. Perhaps a start would be to work for the local 'food for the county' non-profit. But I'm tired of phone jobs, and I'm not going back to school.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I'm gonna try for a full year of unemployment; place your bets...I lost a debit card? How? I don't lose shit from my pockets..."Sleep-puking"; perhaps I got out of bed, still drunk, sat at the computer, and heaved on my keyboard. And there's "Wake-Puking"; still in bed. Ick. You know what? Never mind...I went and ate at the new b-b-q place, and it was okay. But it made me miss the food at my bar...On 3-16-09 I managed to twist my right ankle HARD, and haven't walked for weeks. Nice...Crippled; thoughts of exerise bring back my tachycardia. Tinnitus, and tympani, too...Also; shower baths. Start with a bath, then finish with a shower.
Bests this month: 556 million on MM pinball; -22 on Bonnie Moor golf (my handicap is +17).
New foods this month: Did I talk about the green veggie storage bags? They're pretty cool...Asparagus stem rice; made in the Magic Bullet (Yum!)...Soupghetti, or maybe Stewpghetti...Hang on (spaghetti, soup, goop, goulash); "Spaghooplash"?..I'm making my green tea with only 4 teabags now--it's less expensive...Um; "Macaroghetti"? No; it's "Veggie Machoghetti" (no leftovers)...What is the vegetable protein that has all the amino acids? Is it pronounced "keem-loff", and how do you spell it? WTF?..Foods? New Voltage Mountain Dew; 4 litres of intense study is about to happen; mmmm (not as good as Code Red, but close; as good as Live Wire)...More soup; I like making soup--but we need more variety (too many beans). I also made (finally) the green bean paste in the Magic Bullet--it spruces up rice pots!..I made a celery ghoulash that was excellent...My new favorite Clif bars (non-salmonella) are the Chocolate Almond Fudge...I added some of Static Girl's barley, and lentils, to my black-eyed pea soup; yum...The Ghiradelli semi-sweet chocolate chips are close enough to vegan for my girlfriend, and they are excellent. Hmmm...
This month of Blues Jamming: 3-5-09; good jam. Weird energy early, actually all night. K played with A while Matt drummed set 3, and I yelled! Steve Steele blacked out on the floor, puked blood, and scared some people. But he was fine later (yeah--I've done that, too)...3-12-09; Mike Tracey is early, and so were (golf student) M and I! We golfed; I tied my -21; woo. JP had a heart attack last week, so he's out for a few weeks. Great music; K did get to play with MT. Man of Steele never showed--hope he's okay. I'll be back tomorrow night for Jimmy and the Blue Shades!..Holy shit. 4 guys in the Blue Shades are TH night regulars who were NOT there last night. Easily the best show ever at the bar; spontaneous dancing, and a crowd gone nuts. Not only did my pantry get refilled, but also I played a 2-hour game of MM pinball--556 million...3-19; I had to call in crippled--couldn't walk on my ankle. MT was there, and I missed him...3-26-09; girlfriend dropped me off (on crutches) to see an amazing show. MT, Tony Rae (I made him smile), K + A, no Max, but a great night. Golf, and limited movement...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is sitting on the sidelines, eating popcorn, and waiting for the carnage to begin...
What's different here than in college town: Keith Olbermann said that Athens GA had snowfall of 6 inches in March (wow); we didn't have that here!..Different from everywhere; Oregon is the only state to allow physician-assisted suicide (until CA adopts it)...The Oregon YMCA is giving unemployed folks a free 3-month membership (cool), and the electric company here is offering discounts for the unemployed, and there is an Oregon telelphone assistance program, as well...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Eugene resident and author Mary Findley "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Cleaning" is coming out with a new book "The Complete Idiot's Guide to GREEN Cleaning" (makes an excellent gift)...On Sunday 3-8-09, in order, we had; sleet, hail, sun, snow, AND gorgeous gloomy overcast skies--ALL before 3 pm (Can YOUR town do this?)!..Oregon is cutting the total of, AND shortening individual school days--AND lowering teacher pay. We're also dropping extra-cirricular activities. Oh yeah; also, NO school lunches (we can't afford 'em). Is there a message? Yeah; don't have/don't bring your fucking children here (well, that was easy)...
Life with Static Girl: From last month; she says that "soft-skinned girlfriend" is NOT a rhyme. Huh?..We're trying to get a garden plot; 20 by 30 feet! Stay tuned!..I miss walking with my girlfriend! We used to hold hands, smooch under the bridge, and admire spider webs together...My girlfriend would rather chew her lip than kiss me. In fact, often even, she chews her lip WHILE I am trying to kiss her; so as to say 'I can't kiss you right now, because I am busy chewing my lip.' Booo...(She has trouble with the God + Religion thing) I said that something she might not agree with was "Against her Darwin" (ha); damn I am clever...My girl is very much like actress Amy Acker (Angel; Dollhouse), but better...My girlfriend looks amazing--especially when she's not trying to. And, she's NEVER trying to, so she ALWAYS looks amazing...Speaking of looking sweet; she pranced in front of me, naked, while I was all crippled up, and it made my heart start racing (Palpatations!)...I drop a roll of quarters on her sometimes, when she's running low; she drops a new tube of save-the-earth toothpaste on me when I need it...I may call her "Ghiradelli"! She's my semi-sweet chocolate chip girlfriend. (never mind)...She has been quite tolerant of me and my whining while I have suffered through my current right ankle "trainwreck". My girl deserves better...Drops of blood on the bathroom floor, but neither of us has an open wound. She blames me--of course (I would, too)...Not only did my girlfriend fix my computer, but also she installed some Pirate anti-virus. And I don't mean "pirate" like illegal, I mean "Pirate" like 'Argh, matey!'...My girlfriend and I GOT our garden plot. We're going to grow flowers and veggies. I don't think she'll let me grow any pot, but maybe! It's a cash crop, baby!..Arctic Circle Townhome; I think she's trying to freeze me out. The tempera-mometer gauge over there says it's like 60. Bullshit! It's not a degree over 40 in this glorified igloo! Brrr...Right. So I've been kinda pissy, in pain, and complainatory for the past couple of weeks. Boo. I've been wondering if she regrets being with me, or if she wants to trade me in for a new boyfriend (Who could blame her?). Then she left me a note that said "Cookie bars in the fridge, 'cause I like you." Wow; I guess life is still pretty good.
My FCP has this for me: I'd LOVE to have her as my babysitter for 2 straight weeks...She often helps me with my showers; it's like riding a 'bicycle'...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: $30 bilion MORE for AIG; isn't that $180 billion total for them now?..I just learned what "Twitter" is, and I don't know why it is so popular with you idiots...The U. S. is the largest industrialized country without universal healthcare...Oregon considers growing, selling and taxing marijuana...30,000 pythons escaped in Florida, are freak-breeding all over the east coast, and may take over soon...
A thought to take with you: New insult to a dumb woman: "Wow; it's hard to believe that YOU don't have 14 kids, too!"--W. C. Davis
"One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds."--Dan Bennett
Band names: "Tongue Bath" (FCP),
"Satan's Anus" (David Crowe), "Sneezure" (Dollhouse), "Lasagna Sandwich" (implied by Garfield)