Little Black Calculator

Back in 1983, on a bet with a friend, I won his used solar calculator. Solar? The idea is that if you have any decent light source facing the unit, then it works fine. This calculator was the first solar-powered item I ever owned. It worked great in class (my first and second years of college), and it worked incredibly well outside. I loved my little black calculator.

Sometimes I would lose my calculator inside my house, sometimes even in my own room. But I would always find it; and it would always work. Other people would drop their calculators--and they would break. Not mine; when you drop it, my calculator almost bounces. Other people would have to put new batteries in their calculators every 6 months, but not me. My calculator was special, and it's environmentally friendly.

My calculator went with me to Athens, GA in 1985. It moved around with me; constantly being used, lost, found, dropped, bounced--all of the regular activities for a calculator. All, except for the battery-changing thing.

My calculator also came all the way out to the desert with me. The year is now 2001, and it still works great. You are now impressed with my calculator's amazing stamina. In the overall premise of 'saving the planet', you think that a solar-powered calculator is a good idea. You want a solar-powered calculator.

And, like me, you are wondering why this "solar technology" has not been expanded over into other appliances/applications. Well, it has. There are sloar-powered houses, or at least solar-powered water heaters, some solar cars, solar cameras, etc.. Over 30 years ago, those sheep-cloning doctors created light-based energy sources for every appliance known to man. I'm going to type that again; try to read it slower this time: light-based energy sources for every appliance known to man were created over 30 years ago.

You may ask yourself "Where is all of this incredible technology?". Your mind is running...You are possibly imagining a solar phone, a light-based television, or a kitchen oven that would begin to lessen the need for electricity in your home. You are moving far ahead and imagining a world that uses natural, existing power sources for the conveniences that make us human. You have, in essence, saved the world. Good job.

So, where are the flying solar jet-packs, and sun-powered Porsche 911's? Where is my light-based food processor? And I definitely want a watch that I don't have to put batteries in. These are valid inquiries; wouldn't you agree?

But the doctors cannot answer your questions right now; because they are busy fucking cloned sheep. Why? Hey, don't get mad at the doctors--they created the light-based energy sources 30 years ago. The doctors have earned some quality sheep time.

If the doctors were really smart, however, they would have created a life-sized, solar-powered Cindy Crawford love doll. Or, since we're talking about the 70's, maybe the doctors should have created a Jaclyn Smith, or a Farrah Fawcett flavored love doll. Yeah. Your mind is running again. Here, wanna borrow my calculator?

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