Stress Relief / Recreational Activity
Courtroom Priority Check:
One Hour In The Park

The Court: Another Jurassic Park Commentary?

The Accused: Yes. This pinball machine has now achieved an unearthly of level of inconsistency that makes it the greatest pinball adventure of ALL TIME; and I will explain. The "A" hole sometimes registers as the "C" hole; sometimes the "A" hole registers as the "A" hole, but usually the "A" hole does not register at all. On this Sunday night of "One Hour In The Park" (just before the "Hour", on the 1.6 billion new high score game) there was an occasion when I hit the "A" hole that was lit 3 different ways--but it did not register. On another occasion during the same game, I hit the "A" hole weakly as the light on it fizzled out, but was still given credit for the Control Room. Amazing.

The Court: Can anyone else back your claim of continuous inconsistencies?

The Accused: Yes; TPG, also a good pinball player, has seen both the positive and negative potential of this particular pinball machine. And, like me, he is hooked. He loves it! In fact, it has already been proven that without these specific inconsistencies he and I would both win replay scores on at least 9 games out of 10.

The Court: The Court is aware that you want to tell the story of your "One Hour In The Park" on Sunday night, 7-27-03. You may proceed.

The Accused: Thank you. The official start time for the hour is 7:15 pm; but our story begins with the game before. At roughly 6:55 pm, I inserted 4 quarters in order to play a 2-player game. Keep in mind that the replay score is 165 million. On this 2-player game, player 1 scored 229 million (1 replay), while player 2 scored 1.600 billion (a replay, a new high score replay, and player 2 matched; making a total of 4 games earned by this 2-player game).
"One Hour In The Park" begins as my first 4-player game in Phoenix, starting at 7:15 pm. This game ended at 7:55 with the following scores:

Player 1: 216,409,770
Player 2: 434,847,080
Player 3: 157,934,310 (no replay)
Player 4: 910,674,870
Player 4 also matched, so we still had 4 credits.

Then we played a single-player game, scoring 418,824,310; that game ended at 8:07 pm. Then we played another single-player game, starting ball 2 with 76,785,480, with Tri-Ball ready, and the Smart Missile intact, at 8:15 pm. That's the hour.
This game was completed at 8:22 pm, scoring 280 million; leaving 4 credits still on the game.

The Court: This is a fairly impressive story. Why does it call for a new commentary?

The Accused: Well; in 1 hour and 7 minutes I spent NO money and lost NO credits; all while keeping myself well-entertained at 1 of my 3 favorite activities.

The Court: Well done. The Court does not question your pinball prowess; we simply want to know why we need another JP Commentary.

The Acused: Hey this is just one hour in the park. We probably DON'T need another commentary. But every time I go into the bar where this pinball machine is, I am warned that if there is ONE more problem with the game, ONE more call-in to maintenance, or if the game breaks ONE more time--then JP will be replaced. I don't want this to happen; that is why I continue to play the game, even with its inconsistencies--because any day could be its last day in my neighborhood. I have learned in the past--with jobs, cars, women, and pinball machines, that IF the end is near, THEN you need to be enjoying what you've got while you've got it. I have done this brilliantly, almost daily, and there is so much more.
I have put 6 different billion scores on this 3-ball Jurassic Park game on 3 seperate occasions in the past 8 weeks (of 18 scores, the total is actually 17 games of a billion or higher, and 1 game of 987 million). Has anybody else ever done this on an a clearly inconsistent game? I played it 3+ hours A DAY one week--that was the other commentary; remember? Then I compared this phenomenal pinball machine to my incredible Jurassic Park Girlfriend, as a major part of an early writing-season rush. I have not only achieved, but maintained a level of strategic excellence while playing this machine, and have NOT complained about all the little faults that should be relatively easy to fix; I just improvise, adapt, and overcome. There are moments while playing this machine that I feel the direct presence of higher forces--not just in the universe, but IN THE BAR, all around me, through me, tingling my fingertips--while I am immersed in playing. Imagine what I COULD do to this game if it were working correctly! I am "connected" when I play JP pinball. I might have to go back tomorow.

The Court: It is kind of refreshing to see a grown man so easily amused by a single pinball machine.

The Accused: Thank you. Other guys are obsessed with cheating on their wives, wearing wigs, and/or reliving their youth. Me? I'm CRAZY about my woman; I compared this pinball machine TO her, and I get to worship both the woman and the game. Life is good.

The Court: Perhaps you really ARE setting a good example. And yes, it is possible that there should be more guys like you.

The Accused: Maybe; but it is the LACK of guys like me that keep my spirits (and my stock) up. I don't want to set a trend or write a book about it, either. I will continue to "DO"; let the wig-wearing viagra freaks "TEACH" their fellow sheep how to be successful liars and fakers.

The Court: Very well put; and a nice jab, too. Now go to bed.

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