What I want today: A fat sack, and some money. DSL at home would be nice, too. Remember that 19 inch, black, multisynch NEC computer monitor at Fry's? Yeah, I still want that.
New stuff this month or so: TPG and I played Links golf online; next time we'll do it with trash talking. I made 38 DSL sales at work in November; not bad. Also, I got paid for Thanksgiving at work (wow; paid holidays). After spending over $5k there, I finally won a Famous Sam's shirt. The temperature has dropped to 40 at night. We finally broke into one of Mama Meier's lasagnas; absolutely yumptious.
What's different here than in college town: College town has the cheapest gasoline in America right now. Yeah, sure. But we have a much lower quality of life for our children, and some of the worst air in the country. How now, brown cloud.
Life with Static Girl: The best elements of living alone, having a roommate, and shacking up--all rolled into one. You will never be so lucky. Never. Nyaaaaa.
A thought to take with you: I will say it for you 3 different ways, so that even you really dumb people can get it:
#1 "Time is beer."
#2 At the plasma clinic, during a slight lag, I loudly proclaimed "Come on people; the quicker I get out of here--the quicker I can get to the bar. Time is beer; time is beer."
A nurse looked at me and said "Well, at least he's honest about it."
#3 Some people say that "time is money". Bullshit. Time is beer. And don't waste my beer.
Reading: "The way Things Ought to Be" by Rush Limbaugh. He's a little pompous and superior, but he's also pretty cool. For the first 100 pages he doesn't take any chances. Then, with almost no warning; animal rights freaks, environmentalists, feminists, and liberals all get chopped and bagged by the big riding Rush-mower. And he sells it well.
I've been doing really well with the Scrabble words in the newspaper, too.
Watching: I taped the "Walking with Prehistoric Beasts" thing; just haven't had time for it yet. Also taped "Hannah and her Sisters", and "Proof of Life". Can you tell I bought 4 more video tapes? Will Smith's "Ali" movie (which will easily land him "Best Actor") comes out Christmas Day; I'll be there (and I was).
Hearing: Somewhere I heard a really dark remake that could be explained easily if Type O Negative has done a new version of Neil Young's "Cinnamon Girl" (and they did).
On the classic rock station, I heard Sweet's "Love is Like Oxygen", so I rushed home to play it on my 'Best of Sweet' CD. It's not on there. Now I ask you; how is the band's second best song (behind "Ballroom Blitz") NOT on the "Best Of" CD? TPG says that it IS on his "Best of" CD. Damn.
Also on the classic rock station, I heard my favorite Peter Gabriel tune "In Your Eyes", but I don't know if that song falls under the classic rock umbrella. I don't think Phil Collins does either; hell, keep out all of the early (alternative) Genesis, too. REM is great, but they're not classic rock. And what the fuck is U2's "Beautiful Day" doing on the classic rock station? U2? Okay, so the band is 20 years old this year; but even songs from "Boy" and "October" are not classic rock. Can you imagine "I Will Follow", "Twilight", or "Gloria" on a classic rock station? No, you cannot...Days later, I also heard "New Year's Day" on the classic rock station. I am now convinced that somebody up there is a U2 fan.
I have issues on this shit. But it reminds me of that joke-assed radio consulting firm from Detroit (the one that those hilarious SoBroHo's used). They have a book out, a real live book, that rates the most popular classic rock radio songs of ALL time. Their pick for the most popular radio rock song EVER is Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight". After you stop laughing, consider that this consulting firm is responsible for the programming on about 20% of the rock stations in this country. Ha. I really AM too smart to be in radio.
In the back of A Bush beer commercial on tv, I swear that they are playing Skynyrd's "Simple Man". Yeah, I know; since when does Bush beer have commercials?
Good news for Phoenix radio: The girlie-alt station (101.5--The Zone) has now picked up Howard Stern, and they're putting Dave Pratt on in the afternoon. I'm liking them more and more.
What I want today: I thought I wanted the world to end. But if we're not going to stick to the schedule...barbeque, goshdarnit, I want some barbeque. And I want for all the people related to me that have had successful laser eye surgery to write to me and send bags of money.
New stuff this month or so: We got sick, got over sick, got a different sick, had to go see a doctor sick, and had a major attitude adjustment during the whole sick thing. It is SO true that attitude determines what happens to you; Christmas shopping was just one good example.
I have 2 new ink cartridges in my printer, and, nothing to print.
Somebody e-mailed me the address of another one of those "central race" alien sites:
I love the concept of such a believable story, but I've heard all this shit before. Yo, it's almost (or already) 2002, allright? We should have flying cars, domed cities, and living sex toys on mental demand. This "Central Race" should have enslaved or promoted us long before now; I'm tired of reading about them.
In Gus, we have topped the 191k mile plateau. Cool, huh?
What's different here than in college town: I saw a black girl driving on the highway with headphones on. They shoot people for less than that in Georgia.
We still have no recycling bins other than newspaper. No bins for cans, bottles, plastics, or clothes. This is idiotic. I seriously wonder why there is no concern for the environment out here.
Life with Static Girl: She makes it easier for me to talk to myself. 7 minutes on the edge.
A thought to take with you: Well, let's see...Um...I used to be really good at this...
Watching: Is it just me, or or is it completely obvious that tv does suck the big corporate liberal jew ass? If not for ESPN, cartoons and movie channels I would already be cutting people into little pieces. For the record, I will never buy a $1000+ tv or a DVD player either.
Hearing: At work, I will get a song in my head, sometimes an obscure one, and then I'll come home and play it. It's a proof-positive reference to a childhood-like state of mind that can be linked to an extreme desire for "escaping and forgetting" the real world (I could have been a brain-probing psycho-quack).
On the classic rock radio station I heard the studio version of Fleetwood Mac's "Oh Well", and I hadn't heard that since childhood--it was AWESOME! And right after it, they used their 'lost classic' sweeper in front of "Closer to the Heart" by Rush. Maybe the DJ had trouble finding the CD or something, but no top 10 Rush song is a lost classic. Maybe "La Villa Strangiato" or "Bastille Day" qualify as lost classics by Rush; see?
What I want today: Benefits, a bigger sack, money from relatives, and while we're at it-- a black Porsche 911. Or a black Saab 900 turbo.
New stuff this month or so: Static Girl, who always wears her seatbelt, was in her own medium-bad car wreck on January 25th; head-onned by a guy who blew through a red light while 'reaching for his cell phone'. We spent a night in the hospital with her, and are trying to get back to semi-normal. It is slow.
I did score a -25 on Rattlesnake Ridge golf, which is my best ever.
At work, on January 29th I celebrated my 1 year anniversary of working at IMG. Yay.
What's different here than in college town: I had one, and then I lost it.
Life with Static Girl: She is amazing. Let somebody try to take her away from me. See what happens.
A thought to take with you: It doesn't have anything to do with you. It's the other idiots out there that will be your demise.
Watching: I watched Sarah Hughes skate for Gold at the bar during a game of golf; where else? Would you believe that reruns of Roseanne are about the best viewing on television? Boy, just look at all of that quality televisual entertainment. Thank God for Animal Planet.
Hearing: Just before getting turned down for a credit card by some prick-licking corporate liberal Jew bank, I heard "Miracles" by Jefferson Airplane on their hold music; or is that Starship? TPG had to help with the research (which means that HE figured it out). At work, I got really involved in the sound effects and lyrics of Van Halen's "Poundcake"; that was fun, and then coming home to hear it on a 300 watt stereo was kind of nice, too. Why did the downstairs neighbors move out?
The classic rock station had a live concert of Al Stewart that was awesome.
I continue to argue with Static Girl about the new Garbage CD. The 5 songs that I deem "good", she calls "barely adequate". She is very upset, and won't be writing the review that I asked for. In fact, Rift wants an apology from Butch Vig and Shirley herself.
I was wondering...if my 18 boxes of CD's had to be narrowed down to 1 box, what makes the final cut? Take this one with you; if you had to narrow down your own collection to one box of 50 CD's; what do you take? What gets left behind? And only from your collection; not a wish list.
What I want today: My insurance card came on the last day of February! Also, I want one K-Momo shirt (It's hip hop wigger style clothing, yes, but from a business standpoint this is a Phoenix-based, rags-to-riches story.) I need a new hobby, too; perhaps one that pays.
New stuff this month or so: The new attitude is going very well; much better than the exercise program. Bell Honda keeps dicking Static Girl on her car stereo. I petitioned for one free month of rent at my apartments (they owe me 2).
What's different here than in college town: Late fees go on your rent on the 2nd day of the month here. Can you believe that shit? In Georgia they don't even remind you that rent is due until the 4th day of the month. Also; in Phoenix, there was an alligator loose in the streets during rush hour (you'd expect that in Florida, or Georgia, but not here).
A house near 26th St and Greenway catches fire. The reason- A woman trying to start a fire in the fireplace. The problem- This particular house has no fireplace (this woman belongs in Georgia, but she's out here).
Life with Static Girl: She is the rolaid after a bowl of chili; the Antacid Queen. She is a piece of soft, sweet peppermint gum on a hot day. She is angelic without being superior; and she is all mine.
A thought to take with you: People are like bottles on a shelf. Most look pretty much similar, but there are differences in their shapes, close-up appearances, and what they are filled with. And eventually they will be covered by the same dust.
From TPG; he says that Samuel Clemons said that 'It's not that there's too many morons in the world, it's that lightning is not evenly distributed.'
Watching: My new favorite sports talk show, PTI, celebrated its 100th show on March 22. Also; Six Feet Under, new Southparks, and March Madness at the bar.
Hearing: Designing my crate of 50 CD's led me into a Rush tear (finally), and I gave Static Girl a play-by-play of it. She can handle Rush. (I may have to pick out 20 tapes to take on the spaceship next.) There's lots of Bob Seger on the classic rock station, I just cannot listen to those crap DJ's. I know that you're supposed to try to sound important when you talk, duh, but you still have to SAY something.
What I want today: Mom, go ahead and buy a radio station. Then I can do what I want (run it), and you can do what you want (boss me around).
New stuff this month or so: We start going to work at 6 am on April 8th, do you feel sorry for me? Some crap e-mail forward proclaims that my mind is in the upper 2% of disturbed minds--like I needed a test to know that. Golfbitch finally got his Golden Tee card, so now we can lose more expensive games. I went dry, for the first time in months, and dipped back into the old resin-scraping, metal shavings, and screen-thread smoking, yum. That is some deep and painful coughing which produces some horrid, mutant black phlegm--but it's kinda fun, too. However, I am more than happy to be back in the garden now.
What's different here than in college town: Georgia has stupid people because of bad breeding preferences. Arizona has stupid people because there are so many illegal aliens with no regard for our laws or language. These immigrants don't even necessarily want to be here; they just REALLY don't want to be in Mexico. I have more sympathy for the Georgians. Okay, so maybe you want a tangible difference between the desert and the peach state; here it is: a 12-pack of Budweiser in the bottles here is only $6.99. Wow.
Life with Static Girl: Rarely, but sometimes I will go quiet. When that happens it is like the silence of death in here. You don't hear her walk, move, or even breathe; shhh. I'm still crazy about her though.
A thought to take with you: Jeff Lynne lyrics, Billy Corgan lyrics, and in honor of the Rush tear, some Neil Peart lyrics, too. But for now, we must go with the little snippet in the front of Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone":
"Somewhere in a lonely hotel room, there's a guy starting to realize that eternal faith has turned it's back on him. It's 2 am..."
Watching: Static Girl and I watched 1985's "Mask" on AMC, with only ONE commercial interruption; what a soundtrack! And the movie was good, too. I re-taped the new George Carlin special; isn't that like, 12 HBO specials for him now? It's gotta be a record. I keep taping/watching the new Southparks and 6 Feet Under's. I go to TPG's to watch Gilmore Girls when I'm not out drinking; while out drinking I watch playoff hockey at the bar. Phoenix may have a new local tv channel (yes, we do), but I ain't seen shit yet (no, we haven't).
Hearing: At home; loud Deep Purple, Allman Brothers, Peter Gabriel's "Passion", the Cure's "Wish", and Crumb.
Chevy has purchased the rights to Grand Funk's "American Band", and the commercials SOUND great. Cadillac bought the rights to Led Zep's "Rock + Roll", and it apparently works. Edgar Winter's "Frankenstein" is in a Buick commercial, there are 2 Who songs ("Bargain" and "Won't Get Fooled Again") in 2 different commercials, and Chevy still has dibs on Bob Seger (like a rock, duh). Mazda is being sued by Rob Zombie for using a White Zombie guitar riff from "More Human Than Human" in a truck commercial without permission. The Skynyrd fans at Bush beer have put "Simple Man" in another commercial. The Who's "Overture" is in a new commercial for some feel-good drug (and I realize that it's not an instrumental) .
Hearing "Radar Love" at Food 4 Less was definitely a booster.
What I want today: Better underwear, a new mattress, and an extra hour a day to exercise.
New stuff this month or so: The Coyotes are playoff-bound; must avoid Detroit, must avoid Detroit, must avoid Detroit. Hmmm. Scratch that, and make it "Please win 2 against San Jose." Scratch that, and say "Go Diamondbacks!" Record store CDGB's closed, 2 lbs. of jalapenos is alot! Saw a woman beat her child in front of Food 4 Less. Gus has a radiator leak; no he doesn't, yes he does. Never mind. We eat a small tub of Hidden Valley Ranch every week. A crowd from South Carolina may move out here. Started Gran Turismo over, then started GT2 over. Been smoking these Natural Harvest cigarettes, they're okay. There is an upcoming concert that has Deep Purple, The Scorpions, and Dio. And if that's too hard for you, there's another concert with Berlin, Missing Persons, and the Motels.
The Atlanta Braves have a new pitcher named "Bong", so he's my new favorite pitcher. And the Seattle Mariners lost 3 of their first 6 games to eliminate attention, and now they are leading all of baseball again (19-9, I think).
What's different here than in college town: A 39 yr. old Glendale man on angel dust bit off his 2 yr. old son's thumb; I just wanted to share that. Does your town have news THIS cool? Athens, Ga doesn't.
On sale, here, Red Dog beer was selling for $4 a 12-pack.
Life with Static Girl: She says that we will not be so lucky as to have this world end; we'll just keep on living this pathetic, meaningless, limited, and not very worthwhile existence. I want to hug, high-five, and cry on her all at once.
A thought to take with you: Taste the golden spray. Oh, but I bet that you want some kind of cutesy Confuscious crap, don't you? Okay...
Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by how many moments take your breath away (that was in an e-mail from Spud).
Watching: The "Scrubs" season finale was excellent; the West Wing finale was good. The Indy 500 coverage was exceptional, but the race wasn't lead-changingly competitive. Other than the race; 10 of my last 12 hours of tv were Gran Turismo (and PTI, don't forget PTI).
Hearing: Athens' own B-52's are doing the background noise for a Target tv commercial. The satellite music station (rock/classic rock) at Gallaghers (my new bar for Golden Tee) is awesome. At home, I've been entranced by Peter Gabriel's Secret World, and sampled much obscure Smashing Pumpkins.
What I want today: I want answers! September 11th, Pyramids, State Farm's bullshit 13% increase in my car rates, why is gasoline still 1.40 a gallon, why does my bed sag/how big is my bed/do they sell those little mattress pad things/how much are they/what's the cheapest way out of my bedillemma? It's not like I sleep very well anyway, okay, I need some help here.
New stuff this month or so: Captain Morgans Coolers! They aren't as good as they could be, but they're okay. We have a new, incredible 99 cent store nearby--right around the corner from my awesome dentist Dr. Joshi. Star Wars II was very enjoyable--almost/pretty much worth the $8 to see it. "Spirit" was also a good flick, and Bryan Adams sang everything. Helio has now won both of his first 2 Indy 500's, and that's never been done before. I've been working hard, and working extra, too.
What's different here than in college town: It was 108 degrees on Thursday, May 30th. 110 on Friday and Saturday. Red Dog beer is selling for $8 an 18-pack at my remodeled South Milledge Bi-Lo (Safeway).
Life with Static Girl: She had a birthday, and she got some new books. And she tuned my computer up while I was out drinking one night. She likes me.
A thought to take with you: Please "racially profile" my hairy white ass; I really want to make some noise about this bullshit.
Captain Edward J. Murphy, an engineer at Edwards Air Force Base, concluded after doing some misguided testing on the deceleration of a rocket sled that "If there's more than one way to do a job and one of those ways will end in disaster, then somebody will do it that way." At a later press conference, Murphy's boss, Major John Paul Stapp shortened "Murphy's Law" into the now classic form of "If anything can go wrong, it will."
Watching: Pet Psychic with Static Girl, and PTI without her, Gilmore Girls up at TPG's house (it's 'the best show you're not watching' for TV Guide this year). "Scrubs" had a 5-show marathon at the end of June.
Hearing: Loud Hazel Virtue, Smashing Pumpkins, Fig Dish (yawn). TPG agreed, in a conversation with me, that even when most of the music on the radio is crap--a couple of good songs still sneak in there. Then I figured out that "sneaking a couple of good songs in there" is the ONLY way radio stays competitive with the other audible options.
What I want today: Less stress, more motivation; I remember really enjoying going to work. I haven't felt that in a while. And from the other side of the equation--is it work's fault that I don't enjoy it so much anymore?
New stuff this month or so: TPG and DAF have C-sprouted a kid (A month early--shouldn't somebody have noticed that?), his initials are "DJ". Cox cable is changing our cable service; those bastards. AT+T and Blockbuster are willing to do at least minimal customer service to keep my business, and I appreciate that. I finally watched the movie "Traffic", and it was scary.
The Who's bassist John Entwhistle died June 27th in his hotel room. He was only 57, and they were going to start a tour the next day. Bummer.
What's different here than in college town: There's nobody named Rosco, Rufus, or Otis out here. Back in Georgia, I knew one of all 3. True; Otis was a cat, but that really was his name.
Life with Static Girl: I've "found" the perfect present for her. Now I need to "find" $300 so I can get it for her. But I probably shouldn't ask her for the money, should I? She likes it when I make burritos for her. Have I mentioned lately that she is the most wonderful thing in my life?
A thought to take with you (actually, it's more like 3 quotes; you should be capable of coming up with your own original thought): At work, Tim says that his brother is stupid; yes, but that he is a useful kind of stupid. Okay; "Useful Kind of Stupid" would be an excellent band name.
Jon Stewart (from Comedy Central's Daily Show) was the 3rd guest on Connie Chung's new show. The 1st guest was a relative of a fire-starter, the 2nd was a child-humping ex-priest. So Jon Stewart gets on there and says "It's an honor to be here, especially following arson and pedophilia...I can't believe you don't have a guy on who eats people."
When speaking of another potential NFL franchise in Los Angeles, Ravens' owner Art Modell said something like 'You can put a new dress on an old hooker, but that's not how I want to go dancing'.
Watching: Dana Carvey on Dennis Miller, Robin Williams had a new special, and then the cable changed. We can now watch Gilmore Girls here.
Hearing: Lies from every corner of the government, and my mother still thinking that the world is a happy place where hard work pays off. Sure it is.
What I want today: To blow up this entire fucking planet. Or; let's just kill off everybody but me and Static Girl. How hard is it to find a few good pinball machines around here?
New stuff this month or so: I might turn 37; you'd think that I'd be a little better prepared for life by this point. Kiss my ass. Oh yeah, my attitude got a little better. Or is that bitter?
What's different here than in college town: I can barely remember life in Athens, but I do remember it being alot easier to drive around in because there weren't so many stupid people weaving their cars everywhere.
Life with Static Girl: I think I'll keep her.
A thought to take with you: 2 America West Pilots walk into a bar...
Watching: Breaking News and Deadline on Bravo, Mom turned me on to the Shield on FX, and on some Fridays I-Man is back on Sci-fi at 5 pm.
There's more televised football this year than ever before (college and pro), I guess to take the emphasis off of those pussy baseball players.
I saw some thing on tv about being a radio DJ; it was informative because being a radio DJ now is completely different from what it was when I was doing it. I still want a small station to work at; it's a true "play within a play"; a game of pinball, a fantasy with potential possibility.
2 hours of Behind the Music with Aerosmith was very interesting.
Hearing: It started at the end of July; on some "Clariton" (feel-good drug) commercial, they are actually using the Who's "Overture" as background music. That should make John Entwhistle turn over in his grave.
At home, we dug back into the Orb, the Singles soundtrack, Depeche Mode, and Dr. Gabriel's Secret World.
What I want today: It's time to make that relatively low-budget film about Bulldog 103.7; from 1991 until April 1st, 1997. I mean, what kind of inbred circus freak clones are out there packing Hollywood fudge to get these stupid and lame-assed movies made right now? Don't make me cite references; hell, cite your own with a glance at a "Now Showing" list.
New stuff this month or so: I got my Tarot cards read at work by Tim; they're about as confused as I am. And I had this plan to go start exercising, but then I got really tired. And then I DID exercise, hard, and I fell down twice.
You may know about Gus' alternater dying on my birthday, and then he failed emisssions again, and there were lots of details in trying to get him ready; and my ear has been messed up for a couple of weeks (months) now. But I demanded that my appointment be moved up, and they worked with me.
What's different here than in college town: I kind of miss the simplistic laziness of college town. It was an entire state of existence, not just an attitude; like:
Q: "What are you going to do with your life?"
A: "I'll worry about that after I leave Athens".
People who have lived there know EXACTLY what I mean.
Also, out here in the desert, a case of Bud, Coors, or Miller Lite is just $11 at Fry's.
Life with Static Girl: She's ovo-lacto-vegetarian; I am merely semi-vegetarian. And TH2 is not very semi on those steak-Saturday's with TH1. But I've been drinking soy milk, and it's slightly better than cat piss. Back to Static Girl; she appreciates the way I appreciate her. And; we can walk together, holding hands, in complete silence. It's nice.
A thought to take with you: Well, I'm thinking about walking with my girlfriend right now. You can think about how crack mamas are allowed to have as many children as they can shit out; think about how Phoenix is either the sunniest, or 2nd sunniest city in America, but we have no visible solar energy applications here; think about how all other countries' automobiles are either hybrids--or the emphasis is on the car's high gas mileage; you can think about any damn thing you want--I am thinking about a quiet stroll with my ideal woman.
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