Sidebars 13-24:

Sidebar 13

early May: 2000

Reading: Republic newspaper comics; also a Trent Reznor interview in the paper--now that was cool. Also; I looked up the spelling/definition of the word "desert" in Webster's. After getting the transition wrong (from pronunciation to arrangement) in the second grade spelling bee, it is nice to see that either the dictionary has been re-written to make me correct, hmmm, or possibly that the people giving the spelling test were wrong. Whatever it is--all I can say is that I am right; I was right all along, and all of you can go to hell. Jesus Christ already; it's a two-syllable word. Any second-grader who cannot spell a two-syllable word should be drowned in a toilet full of rat piss. They were just looking for a reason to get me out of the damn spelling bee because I would have blown away all the little black kids who couldn't spell their...own...names. Hey; you know, after 27 years, I may have just figured this "mystery" out.

Hearing: (in the big announcer voice:) "18 of the greatest hits from the decade of excess; More Pure 80's. You'll sway to Frida's 'I know there's something going on', you'll lip-synch to 'Jeopardy' by the Greg Kihn band, and you'll obviously sing backup to Falco's 'Amadeus'. Plus, there are 15 other bad 80's memories here that will definitely make you want to mousse your hair and slash your wrists. Find it now at a Wal-mart near you." Reading that Trenterview in the paper makes me wanna go on a NIN tear. Um, cancel that "wanna go", we are now on a NIN tear. Fragile, Further Down, Pretty Hate, and anything I don't have--I will simply go steal from Static. I mean borrow. Borrow, yes, borrow from her. Geez, "steal". What the hell was I thinking?

Watching: Commercial update; there is a Snickers commercial (during Sportscenter) that has a guy talking to a magazine picture of a panda (named Franklin). I don't understand the point of the commercial; I don't even want to. But that guy talking to himself in the obnoxious panda voice is me, okay? Trust me on this.
TV: Titus, Becker, Dennis Miller, Southpark, West Wing (no ABC)
TV movies: "Indictment: The McMartin Trial" (good), and "Entrapment" (good movie--dumb ending)
Videos: none
Big Screen: Still waiting for Hollywood to come up with something that resembles a good idea. Maybe I should go into the movie business...

What I want today: I want to work (as a cook) for the aliens, but that's another story. I want alot of things, actually, but it's not like I'm going to get any of them, so leave me alone.

New stuff this week or so: We went to Roswell (there're 3 versions of the story; mine is the best, and it's down below), I finished some disturbing writing, and I got a job at the movie theater. Yes folks, the Overnight Guy has traded in his $6 an hour radio career for a $6 an hour career in the movies. Stay tuned for fun future updates from what can only be called "movie hell". Um, didn't all the planets line up in some magnetic thing that was supposed to end the world on May 5th at sunset? I am growing tired of waiting for the screaming.

On a serious note; my closest best friend's dad died in a car wreck a few days ago. It's one of those depressing wake-up calls that nobody likes, but maybe some good will come from it. We'll see.

Pinball: I'm up to 16.7 billion on 'Attack' now. We convinced Mike (at Famous Sam's) to get "Revenge From Mars" pinball, also. Yay. I must be charismatic or something.

What's different here than in college town: we have 100 degree days in May (didn't we have hail in Athens last year?), and car insurance is way more expensive here. The gangs smuggle immigrants instead of drugs; and that's not good for anybody. And, yes, I'll shut up about our hockey team that died in the first round of the playoffs. But we have a fantastic basketball team that is still in the playoffs (I can't wait to see Jason Kidd and Kevin Johnson bringing the ball upcourt together against Shaq and Kobe).

Life with Static Girl: She's a quiet travel companion (shocking, huh?). She writes alot; she can go through a pen in a week. Wow, maybe I'm a little jealous. She appreciates the way I try to see the humor in everything. She's probably in there writing right now while I'm in here listening to NIN and wondering why I don't have much to write about. Crap.

A thought to take with you: Oh, I have lots of them. I look for them. I gather new ones everyday, and am reminded of older ones constantly. I wanna fill a page with bumper sticker logic and the plots of Overnight Guy radio-rants. I want to point out the irony, stupidity, and hipocrisy of the civilized world in such an obvious way that you would actually feel bad about how dumb your ass really is. But if I did all of that, I would not be 'winning friends and influencing people' in a way to make Dale Carnagie (and my mother) proud. So let's just "pretend" that I'm a tiny bit smarter than you; though not nearly a role-model, and that I proved with simple logic how you are substantially less intelligent than you thought you were. And then we'll refer to the Clint Eastwood movie "The Gauntlet", when the corrupt police chief is giving instructions to the clean cop:

"Now do you understand that, or do you want me to write it in braille and shove it up your ass?"

Sidebar 14

late May 2000

Reading: The Accidental Cynic online. Here's a guy who's almost as ticked off as I am. And I read the Flagpole online, too. In fact, the Flagpole printed yet another one of my letters, "Paradise Remembered" in their May 17th edition. To find it, you will have to go to Flagpole, then at the bottom click on "Archives", then choose the "May 17th" edition, then click on "Letters from you", mine is the second letter, and then send me lots of money for such great directions. Also, in 3 days total, I read another book: Craig Soderholm's "How 10% of the People get 90% of the pie". I like pie. And I'm getting good at this 'reading' stuff, too.

Hearing: My left ear isn't completely healed, or maybe it's rebelling, I don't know; it just won't stay closed. It's kind of like Harvey Danger all over again; "I'm not sick, but I'm not well."
Remember the NIN tear? Yeah, still on it. In fact, I had to go and buy the Downward Spiral. Imagine how heart-wrenching it was to realize that my old 'No Boundaries' soliloquy talk-bed "A Warm Place", is the 10th song. How could I have forgotten? Look at the pain, the joy, and the wet eyes. In retrospect, I will call these "good tears". And maybe it really is better that it's all gone, and maybe it's good that it all ended when it did. How so? Here ya go: 'Tis better to brush tangent with history than to actually make it.

Watching: ABC is banned again. After finally showing the last 2 episodes of Sportsnight, they cancelled the show. I would really like to go off on ABC, but actually I do appreciate that they aired the final 2 episodes before pulling the plug. So now they're happy, and I'm happy, and I just won't watch ABC anymore.

TV: the usuals
TV movies: about a dozen or so, so what?
Videos: And the Band Played On; and, my mom sent me a clump of late- 80's Ken Wahl "Wiseguy" episodes (with Kevin Spacey and Joan Severance), very cool.
Big Screen: For her birthday I took Static to see "Battlefield Earth"--the day BEFORE it was actually released. Days later, while working, I snuck narul in for free, shhh.

What I want today: See? I give myself these chances to vent, and then I get up to the "cyber microphone" and freeze. Okay, let's try this again... I want to be the exception to the rules. I want to prove things unproven, teach things untaught, and impress the unimpressionable. I also want a new job, a new pinball machine, and for my bank balance to be close.

New stuff this week or so: Narul got a video camera, and we ate at the Olive Garden--all on the same trip. It's now birthday week for TH1, and 35 is not that old. I got a new job, and my bank balance is dead on...

Pinball: Major news! On Attack From Mars pinball, I am the "Ruler of the Universe". I was crowned on May 12th, with TPG watching intently in disbelief. But that's not what's really impressive. What's really impressive is that I did it on 2 balls, baby. My final score was 32.828 billion. Discovered on May 21st, Santisi Brothers now has "Gilligan's Island" pinball. (Remember; I had turned over their old "Creature From the Black Lagoon" twice.) I am on the board, but not yet at the top; stay tuned.

What's different here than in college town: 111 degrees today, and it's still only May. Smokes are $30 a carton here! What am I supposed to do; quit? Maybe I need to go work for Camel or something; I've got a few shirts.

Life with Static Girl: We both bought and assembled video tape racks that hold 125 each. Then we discovered that both of us have more than 125 video tapes. She likes it when I create new foods; I just like to see her eat on a semi-regular basis. I am the best room-mate she has ever had... She has seen, at least once or twice, how physically impossible things happen to me regularly. And she still likes me.

A thought to take with you: my ass, a thought to take with you. Many thoughts, from my ass to yours--here, wipe with some of these: 150 years ago the "experts" said 'no 4-wheeled contraption will ever replace the horse and buggy'. Yeah. 100 years ago the "experts" said that 'people will never travel around in some man-made flying machine'. Okay. 50 years ago doctors were saying that 'cigarettes are not addictive'. Fire 'em up. 30 years ago the "experts" at General Motors said 'americans will never buy smaller cars- -especially not from Japan'. Uh-huh. 20 years ago the top brass at IBM said that 'americans will never buy computers for personal use in their homes'. Hmmm.

I do have a point, and here it is: "History" is only a fictional story told by the winners of the war. "Experts" are merely successful morons with no desire to change the game. The 90% of you closed-minded sheep out there are exactly what you are supposed to be; unfortunately, we are long overdue for a slaughter.

Sidebar 15

mid-June 2000

I no longer feel the need to entertain the world with an online journal--however cool or pathetic it may be. If something really neat happens to me, perhaps I will share it.

I have fallen incredibly far short of my potential because I don't like this place, and I don't like the processes by which this place operates.

On the other hand, YOU can go vote, pray, marry/breed, recycle, and save whatever plant or animal that makes you feel like you're more than a reformed bedwetter who occaisionally relapses. It is not my place to judge you or yours, and not my responsibility to care.

Just like myself, you were born diseased and infectious; a personal contamination facility--complete with those standard similarities and differences which give us individualized amounts of drive and fear. One man's trash is another's treasure. Perhaps you see a beautiful planet filled with hope and opportunity; I see an old broken toilet. In fact, I hope that outside forces will completely annihilate us before we can "humanize" any other planet.

I have fallen incredibly far short of my potential because I don't like this place, and I don't like the processes by which this place operates. If I honestly could have made a difference in this world, then I would have been killed a long time ago.

Some have said to me "But you never really made a sincere effort to do anything; so how do you know how bad it really is if you've never even tried?" I love that question; I get hit with it a couple of times a year, every year, for the last 20. Every thing I have ever done has been done with a sincere effort (and patronizing sarcasm). I didn't start out as a pessimist; I once was a tree-hugging, whale-saving, poetry-writer full of love. Reality molded me, baby, none of this crap was my idea. If the world wanted to be saved, then this story would have had a different ending. Why are you so quick to assume that my logic is faulty? Maybe, just maybe...I'm not the problem here. Have a lovely day.

Some girl says she used to wear a button in high school that said:

"God was my co-pilot until we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him in order to survive."

Man, my generation never had buttons that cool. Also this week, I bought a new stereo. So?

Life with Static Girl is good. It's low-impact, low-communication, and low- volume. Since we have such a good understanding, we don't have to get tangled up in a bunch of useless chit-chat. The only situation I might have with her is the way she sneaks around like a ninja--and scares the piss out of me. Hmmm, and even though I KNOW she's heard something by now, she still claims to have heard 'nothing' when she catches me talking to myself.

A thought? Maybe if you wiped better, then you could wipe less, and then your toilet wouldn't be all clogged up and leaky. Hey, somebody had to say it.

Sidebar 16

early-July 2000

I still no longer feel the need to entertain the world with an online journal--however cool or pathetic it may be. If something really neat happens to me, perhaps I will share it. I must go and create a new sidebar for you sheep.

Reading: Passages, by Gail Sheehy. It is slow, and she's way too high on herself. But the book is just barely not horrible enough to throw out the window, so I will continue to give it a chance.

Hearing: 5 Depeche Mode discs on shuffle were good. 5 NIN discs on shuffle were incredible, and stayed in for 2 weeks. Very loud, too.

Watching: One great Ally McBeal, 'Who's Line's with Colin Mockery, Ryan Stiles, and Wayne Brady, Dennis Miller (guess I'll have to start watching Monday Night Football again), and Bill Maher's new comedy special "Be More Cynical". I watched it with Static, watched it alone, and watched it with narul. I'll watch it again, too. Wanna know why?

I agree with everything, and I stress EVERYTHING that Bill says in this new comedy special. I have said most all of this stuff before, but I am not nearly the diplomat he is. Go Bill! It's too bad that his tv show is on ABC. Oh well.

What I want, new stuff, babble and dribble: I have nothing that's news, no revelations; No new opinions; no interpretations. I have no novel "cool" way of looking at problems so as to make them less problematic. You are on your own.

I am forced to deal with an extra large amount of crap in my life, and I take it. I have not allowed myself the joy of retaliation either. No deaths, no bombs, I've never even shot a gun. But I am growing tired. It would be a good idea to not piss me off; trust me.

The rules changed somewhere in my lifetime, and bad decisions made by unqualified people became the norm. The foundations upon which our morality is based, as well as obligations to each other and the planet have all been reworked so as to give lesser-intelligent people even more rights than the common person. This is wrong, and it needs to be fixed.

You know what, I DO want something: I want to run screaming through the streets and somehow manage to scare everybody away. I just want one square city block for my own. Just one. No people. Just me. Well, and maybe Static Girl, but she's really quiet. It's a simple dream, a gentle plan, a short term goal. I just want a single "rock's throw" of space for myself that is unadjusted by outsiders. No illegal immigrants, no pregnant smoking mothers, no unsupervised drowning kids, and no corporate radio crap. I just want my own little uncomplicated, semi-orderly, low-maintenance world. And you won't let me have that, will you?

It might actually surprise you to know exactly how little I care about the entire human race. I'll stop now.

Life with Static Girl: It was great, and then she left me. Something about how I was such a horrible roommate who never cooked, cleaned, or waited on her hand and foot. She said I had alot to learn about...ok, not really. She still likes me. She just went to go spend some time with her parents. Here's the weird part; she went on purpose. I mean, she actually drove 1000 miles to go and see these people. Her parents. She "chose" to do this. Geez, it gives me the willies just thinking about it.

A thought to take with you: Narul probably will not be too thrilled with the last part of my "Life with Static Girl:", but I can't help that. However, my 'thought' here is in his honor: He came up with this while riding with me, in Gus, on Tatum. Nirvana's "All Apologies" came on the radio, so we started in with our Kurt Cobain jokes. That's what we do. And he said this: "Kurt Cobain is going to have a major impact on the future of music; I just hope it doesn't blow up in his face." And then we fell apart laughing. Ironic, isn't it, how sometimes death can be really funny, and other times death can be really painful?

Sidebar 17

late-August 2000

It's kind of nice to be back here--after such a long layoff. Did you little fuzzy sheep miss me?

Reading: Passages. Still. It's slow

Hearing: I'd never heard of Napster until Metallica sued their own fans. Great idea there, Lars. I'll now be selling all of my Metallica CD's. From the way-cool Napster site I have things like obscure Tragically Hip and Tool, as well as Blink 182 and ELO songs. I definitely need a bigger hard drive.

Watching: There is no television worth watching now (I'm still upset about NOT taping "Judas Kiss" correctly). After seeing most of Dr. Doolittle, I have re-named the house guinea pig "Chris Rock". Old X-Files and Sportsnight tapes are coming out again.

What I want today: For this break to continue; to program my VCR correctly, and more wine coolers.

New stuff this week (month) or so: I wasn't being productive at work, so now I'm on a break. Less Artificial. Free Cell, a computer game, gives me new ways to talk to myself. After hours of digging and scraping on my windshield, I finally got an Arizona tag and license. I helped Narul trade cars.

What's different here than in college town: Everything, and nothing at all. You will see, or not see, whatever you are looking write the damn story.

Life with Static Girl: She remains constant. I wave all over the spectrum of happy-sad, productive- worthless, screaming-sulking, and sane-nuts; yet she just sits there in front of her computer and says "hmmm." But I'm pretty sure she still likes me.

A thought to take with you: Don't think. All the thinking has been done for you. Just keep walking around in small circles, "baaa"-ing like a good little sheep, and wait for your turn to be a victim.


October 2000

Reading: Other than some of my direct sales literature, nothing. Nada. Reading is for girls and queers. Life is interactive. Reading creates eye strain and promotes laziness--similar to television. If you like to read, then shut up and do it.

Watching: 6 weeks of re-runs, and Olympics, are finally over. West Wing, Dark Angel, and I get my sports in 30 minutes on CNNsi. Television is a medium that will always intrigue me--especially the parts of it that are done so poorly.

Hearing: At the nasty neighborhood Burger Burger, I swear to God, piped in on their far-above- average music service, I heard "San Tropez". Yes, THAT San Tropez, from Pink Floyd's "Meddle" album. I was bewildered. It's the first time I've ever heard that song out in public. I call their music service far-above-average because I have heard 10,000 Maniacs, obscure Don Henley, and obscure Steely Dan there before. Regardless of the food, the service, and the nasty, I will keep going there.

Speaking of 10,000 Maniacs, I made a direct sale at a furniture store out in Fountain Springs where a very cool owner/guy is a huge Natalie Merchant fan. 2 days in a row he had 2 different Maniacal albums playing in his store. Nice, huh?

What I want today: Better fuel-efficiency. I can do this sales job, but the wear and tear on Gus and gas is extremely high.

I'd also like a nice little ELE. You know, an Extinction Level Event would take people's attention away from the middle east turmoil. A few billion dead people would lessen the stress of choosing a new president for our republic. If sea level were to rise just a hundred feet then we could pretty much forget about the hungry and homeless. I have ideas, too. Time for some constructive criticism:

The drug "ice" never made the rounds like it was supposed to. Crack didn't do it. AIDS hasn't done it. I haven't heard a word about "Ebola" in over a year. Hepatitis C had such promise, and then it disappeared. The "Killer Bees", which were a great idea, are far too slow in their migration. And we still have way too much drinking water readily available. Where have all the brilliant terrorists gone?

OK: Here's one you can take to work with you. Ready? AIRPORTS. All airports are over- crowded; too many planes, too many people, not enough runways. Got it? You just start the wave inside of a major airport, see, and then the leaving planes (like spores) would take the fun to other airports. Sleep tight.

New stuff this month or so: I'm just not motivated to go out and do this and that. Area 51 is about the last stop on my "places to go" list, so I'm not in a big hurry to get out there.
There's an ant farm in my bathroom, and my toilet is possessed. The heat is letting up a little. Static Princess left me for another week (snif). I have gained about a thousand pounds...okay, more like 20, but I could do without them. Hey, I did NOT actually eat the guinea pig, I've just been fattening him up for market. Jeez. This is depressing, but not nearly as depressing as...

You know you're getting old when the songs from your childhood become the background music for television ad campaigns. I wonder what ol' Steve Miller, Pete Townshend, and Randy Bachman think about those mail, car, and internet commercials. And, out of respect, let's just stop using Stevie Ray Vaughn's music to sell anything--except maybe barbeque. Damn, I'm hungry again.

What's different here than in college town: I hear more Natalie Merchant out here; seriously. I'm going to have to dig through my CD's for my "Candy" maxi-single now.
In Athens, I hung out, drank, and played pinball at a place called "Steve's". Now I do the same at a place called "Sam's". (the more we change, the more we still have to wash our underwear in the sink sometimes).

Life with Static Girl: Right now I am living alone. But the past month has been pretty good. There's no major news to report. We like each other, and we stay out of each other's way. We are in the relationship of the future. It'll take about 20 years for you sheep to catch up.

A thought to take with you: I have avoided this racial rant for too long. Have you ever seen a famous black woman with a "trophy" white husband? No. Do white guys actively seek out black women to date and breed with? No. So why is it that...never mind. I just watch and take notes.

Late Amendments to Sidebar 18:

As of October 15th, there has been a new outbreak of ebola in Uganda. With a fatality-realization-factor of only 2 weeks, ebola is definitely our best chance at a worldwide epidemic. So; what can we import from east Africa, and, can we bring it through a major airport?

As of October 16th, the same car company using a Who song to sell SUV's is now also using Heart's song "Barracuda" to sell them. By October 20th, there's another car commercial for this company using the Rush song "Tom Sawyer". Hmmm, I say we ship the bloody remains of Uganda to the busiest Nissan corporate office. Yeah, we can dress it up in a big orange box that reads "Happy Halloween you Datsun rejects".


November 2000

Reading: Hmmm. How about: things I might read--if they were easy to get to. Another Edgar Cayce book, a book about who REALLY controls the media, something about the Kennedy assasination, something else about aliens. There; that's alot of reading.

Watching: All I do is watch tv and complain about the quality of it. And yes, like Kevin Smith's movies, I think that I could do television better.
As for present tv shows; I was late for the West Wing bandwagon, but it's a nice ride. 'America is a republic'. Gosh, I've been saying that for 15 years.
As for syndication, there are bright spots; Due South, John Larroquette, and Doctor Doctor are on in the early afternoon. Sometimes I even remember to tape them.

Hearing: The Nine Inch Nail tear continues. And where is my Pink Floyd tape of Atom Heart Mother? Between my classic rock roots and new rock experiences, I can stay entertained easily and with class. Also; it's nice to blare a few hundred watts of Asia or Garbage when my neighbors boom-boom that worthless rap crap through the walls.

What I want today: KABOOM and blood splatters. I'd like to hear some real air raid sirens, too. And a loud voice on a bullhorn screaming "There is no cause for alarm; there is no cause for alarm!".
Also, I'd like a new time frame for things. California didn't earthquake off the continent in 1996 like it was supposed to. There hasn't been a big chemical spill in months. The weather calmed down. All the terrorists and suicide bombers went quiet. The rock-throwing middle-easterners have turned out to be nothing more than, well, rock- throwing middle-easterners. The stock market didn't even crash. Ho-hum. Where is the panic? Where is the machine gun fire? Am I the only one who is extremely disappointed? I want to see a crimson river in the streets--with baby's heads bobbing; like one of those slow-motion hotel lobby flowing scenes from "The Shining". Oops. Never mind.

New stuff this month or so: It's the 18th anniversary of my death/coma car wreck. I certainly hope that those same powers that went through so much trouble to bring me back from beyond are enjoying the fruits of their labor. Yawn. I'm still waiting for a signal, by the way.

It's election time...Hey look; we can't even pick a puppet leader for our republic. Boy, aren't we cool! As honorable and smart as Ralph Nader is, people won't vote for a guy who looks like a drunk that slept outside in the rain. Sorry about that, Ralphie.

Speaking of sleep, I have been sleeping way too much lately. I keep hoping that things will be different when I wake up, but they're not. Yep; see? No difference.

What's different here than in college town: Here in the desert, there is this big hoopla about how our schools should teach schoolkids in both English and Spanish. All kids. Spanish? This is funny. Is English "required" learning in ANY other country on this planet? No. So if kids want to go to school in America, then they can learn English; period. There is no debate; there is no argument; nobody has any points to make. How did this stupid- assed idea even become an issue? I'd like to see this proposal be attempted in Georgia. Ha.

As you might have guessed, most of my input here may not be politically correct...

There was more beer (per person) in college town, and more English was spoken. As a casual observer, I mean me, half of the people I come into contact with here do not "project" themselves as Americans. And yes, that bothers me. Remember the phrase "Love it or leave it"?

Life with Static Girl: We have almost mastered non-verbal communication. Actually, she already knew it well...Life's pretty good. Hugging her makes me feel like there really is something worth caring about. Okay, that's about as sloppy romantic as I'm going to get. Yuck. Do you like irony? Okay; sometimes she seems like the only sane and stable part of my life.

A thought you can take with you: I am reminded of when at moments of silence, similar to this one here, Jon could rip an obnoxiously loud and painful sounding burp for 4 or 5 seconds. They were absolutely hilarious. Hang on, I really do have a point. What I'm saying is this: Life can be as serious or playful, bad or good as you want it to be. Try to stay aware of the entertaining moments. Why? I had this dream/thought thing where we're all sitting around in the afterlife, in our little peer groups, and we all agree that the best part of physical life was spontaneous laughter. And sneezes. Not love or sex, not money or possessions...Laughter. And sneezes. Think about it.


December 2000

Reading:"Beyond Prophecies and Predictions" by Moira Timms. She published "P + P" in 1990. And then she published this "Beyond P + P" in 1994. This is a fantastic book with incredible information. I love the metaphors; like how we're all surfers on the crest of a huge crashing wave. Yeah; baby, put that in your money market account. I may have read something else, too, but who cares?

Watching: Martin Sheen should be the president; period. Can you imagine the landslide of votes he would get? West Wing is the best thing on television--network t.v. doesn't even deserve it.

Hearing: Masters of Reality; "Sunrise on the Sufferbus", with Ginger Baker on drums. I also dug for and found my "Bit-Release" soliliquy from March of '97 (to play for Static). Then I dug for and found my Satchel "The Family" cd...I forgot that Shawn Smith autographed the thing to me.

What I want today: I want Christmas shopping to be over. In fact, I want New Year's over too. I am ready for 2001 now.

New stuff this month or so: after 12 years of dominating success, Smashing Pumpkins called it quits. Their final show was almost 5 hours of bliss in a small Chicago club. I wish Mr. Corgan luck with whatever he does next.

Singer Maynard Keenan (who lives about 30 miles from here) is said to be working with Trent Reznor on starting up a new band. Maynard's main band, Tool, is supposed to have a new album out in February.

I actually listen to (and enjoy) Howard Stern. His contract is almost up. He may be off of the radio very soon, like by December 15th. Oh well.

Did you know that Christmas is about to roll around again? Jesus happens.

Back on November 7th (election night), the state of Florida announced that they had captured a UFO. Later that night, they announced that they were wrong, and that it was merely a weather balloon. The argument has continued for almost a month now. It appears that the initial findings (the honest, obvious, and truthful ones) were WRONG. Remember; these were highly skilled government people who said that this was a UFO. Then they went back and changed their story. So now we will probably have a weather balloon for president. Stay tuned.

I have this feeling that it's about time for another career change.

What's different here than in college town: Remember that crap proposition about teaching Arizona kids in both English and Spanish? Well, it got thrown out of court, thank Zeus.

In our apartment complex, right across the street from us, there is a 3-colored (primer and bondo) late 70's rustmobile Datsun. It is disgusting; not even nerdy cool like a Pacer or a Gremlin. It is uglier than anything I've ever driven. Bleah (with a capital "B"). But get this: the damn thing has a car alarm. AS IF anybody would actually steal the this car. This is a strange town with some very weird people.

It's like 80 degrees here; I'm sweating on December 5th. Georgia has winter storm warnings. Where would you rather be?

In the bargain bin of CD's at a corporate record store: Drivin + Cryin, Dag, Sugar, and Fig Dish. What the hell is this world coming to?

Life with Static Girl: We have confirmed that I am the perfect guy for her. Really, go ask her. I have discovered that she is the easiest person in the world to shop for. Really, come ask me. Because of her, I definitely eat less cow and pig. As a couple, we keep "Boca Burgers" in business. Damn, I'm hungry.

A thought to take with you: I wasn't just wrong; I was stupid! Over a year ago, I felt extremely disappointed when the 3rd Devil did not "rise up" in a clearly recognizable fashion. As most of us are aware, the month of July, 1999 did not see any human facilitator that would compare with the likes of Napolean or Hitler. Going on my memories alone, I wrongfully attributed this prediction to our hero, Edgar Cayce. There are many coincidences in the prophecies of Mr. Cayce and Nostradamus; yes. However, this midsummer's Nightmare of last year was NOT one of them. Nostra-man's imperfect record now has another flaw in it. Cayce's amazing record of predictions is still intact, folks; my personal disappointment was premature. Edgar Cayce has not been wrong yet. It still amazes me that nobody takes him seriously.


January 2001

Reading: Christmas cards. Lots of 'em. Oh yeah; there are many books in my toilet library. I dabble while I do my business. Sometimes I read, too.

A Static Girl who thinks I'm okay got me a new Edgar Cayce book.

Watching: Sportsnight began on Comedy Central. I completely forgot--and taped some 'stripper' movie. 'Who's Line is it Anyway' is still fantastic. All the good shows are in reruns. Thank God for cable 'stripper' movies.

A Static Girl who likes me alot got me the Bob Lazar video, too.

Hearing: What? Actually, I keep hearing this faint tingling noise. Seriously. It's like a dog (or cat) who has a little bell on the collar or something. It starts and stops in specific rythyms. This could (seriously) be the beginnings of hearing loss; and it is aggravating.

Beck's "The Little Drum Machine Boy" (from the 'Sleighed' compilation) lasted as my new favorite Christmas song for one day. On the next day I received a package (from my dad) in the mail. And so my "he's still pretty cool, but he's really starting to lose it now" father is the writer/performer of my newest favorite Christmas song, "Department Store Santa".

A Static Girl who worships the ground I walk on got me some "real" Christmas music to go with my bluesy, Alternative, White Trash carols.

What I want today: Carmen Electra in a little elf costume (wow, and that was off the top of my head--imagine if I had really put some thought into it). This is tough. I'd like to lose my bad attitude toward the world when I'm trying to write. There is still some water in the well, but I'm just not thirsty enough to actually pull the bucket all the way to the top. Plus, the whole world is buying Calvin Klein water for a dollar a quart. It looks as if I'm almost on to something here, doesn't it? But watch: The world doesn't want my well now, and they never did before either. Damn the world. Damn the people; everything sucks. See?

New stuff this month or so: The 2 words are "Mario Lemieux". Christmas vacation is happy-fun-time. Unfortunately, my woman left me again. I think I 'm holding up amazingly well for a recluse (going deaf) with no job and no woman at Christmas.

What's different here than in college town: I wish I'd have thought of it! Some guy in Scottsdale walked into a hotel lobby with a handtruck, stole an entire ATM machine, walked it out back--put it in his car, and drove away.

The DMV out here wants me to "prove" I have insurance on my car, or they're going to revoke my license. I'm so scared.

Life with Static Girl: We get along very well. This is due to a continuous lack of needless communication. We just don't need idle chatter constantly going. And, we don't stay in the same room together long enough to get sick of each other. You could learn from us. Alot.

A thought to take with you: Blessed are those who count their blessings. I don't know. Dream up some corny corporate seasonal something and make a toast to it. I'm going back to bed--like a good little depressed loner.


February 2001

Reading: Still reading in "Beyond Prophecies and Predictions", and I like to look through the "Edgar Cayce Companion" because it has so much information.

I notice the slant of news stories, the blandness of the anchors/writers, and the attention paid to stories that do not concern me. Especially in the newspapers, there is an obvious direction for the blame of everything. I will give you one example that is very relevant here in Arizona. When illegal immigrants are caught trying to cross over the border into America, the immigrants are portrayed as victims. Victims? These people are criminals. And whichever group catches these CRIMINALS (ranchers, border patrol, police), that group is portrayed as an angry white mob. I wonder what the border patrol guards (who are not white) think about being referred to as "white supremists". Hmmm.

Watching: Unless the local news has lots of death, a good car crash, or a bomb scare in a meth lab, it's just a bunch of chatter. Even network television has become far too form--predictable. The one exception is the "West Wing", which is still the best show on tv. Luckily there have been some great alien and UFO shows on 4 different cable channels. And I've been watching lots of Animal Planet with Static Girl. We like the Jeff Corwin Experience.

Hearing: Since I've been going through my CD's, I've been listening to obscure one hit wonders from the early to mid 90's. Also, on the better of the 2 alternative stations here, there is a Saturday morning "new music" show that is good. And I just want to say outright that my future in corporate radio looks bleak.

What I want today: I'm tired of hearing the ocean roar! I want my left ear back; the alien implant has gone horribly wrong. Also, I want the answers to some legal and historical questions. And I want to exercise; now will I?

New stuff this month or so: The XFL started--so now there is football 365 days a year; I got a new telemarketing job--but not in time to save me from having to sell some CD's for money; the vegetarian chili was a success--look for vegetarian beef stew here in the near future; I found another really good chinese buffet restaurant; me and rift signed another lease; and I have a new alter-ego: "Towel Man".

What's different here than in college town: (Similar) The ZIA record stores out here are pretty cool, but there's this one record store called CDGB's that rivals the quality of Big Shot and Wuxtry back in Athens, GA. The people who work there are really helpful, and it's just a fun place to be. I'd like to work in a place like that. It would be the "music business". Hmmm.

Life with Static Girl: We have lived together for eleven months without having a fight; that's got to be some kind of a record. I keep trying to find new ways to appreciate her, and I think she likes that.

A thought to take with you: I am really confused. The way that the media presents information and entertainment is all screwed up. I have heard many reasons for this; that the Jews control the media and are trying to ruin America with confusion, contradiction and hate. I've heard that the government is quickly trying to impact massive stupidity upon the world before the next major wave of crisis hits. I've heard that the aliens are ALREADY forcing their will upon us. And I have a personal history of NOT trusting the corporate conglomerates in how they do business (and they are the "owners" of the media--maybe). See if you don't agree that all media presentations are on a grade school level.


March 2001

Reading: SSDD

Watching: SSDD

Hearing: Lots of stuff here; listened to both of my Brad CD's (Shawn Smith, Stone Gossard, Regan Hagar + Jeremy Toback). Somewhere in the Phoenix shuffle, my "Singles" soundtrack disappeared. So I stomped off and bought a new one at the awesome CDGB's store. A few days later, as the Shawn Smith tear continues, we went back to CDGB's for a copy of the Satchel "EDC" album.
On the Taco Bell muzak was a scaled down instrumental of the Cure's "Just Like Heaven", and on the Eureka customer service muzak there was an instrumental of James Taylor's "Handyman". What is this world coming to?
From the files of GOOD music news: Billy Corgan (playing waltzes for charity up in Chicago) is working with Gary Numan on a project. And we are all waiting to see what will become of the working relationship between Trent Reznor and (Arizona resident) Maynard Keenan.

What I want today: More fudge from Static Girl's mom! (I've already devoured 2 bags of it. More! More! Send more I say!) I also want a 19 inch computer monitor, and for Christmas to last all year, too. And while we're dreaming, I want a pocket-sized rift to carry around with me for inspiration. Can I really donate sperm, blood/plasma, and a kidney for money? Why or why not?

New stuff this month or so: My ear healed, maybe, and then my throat got sick. My 1993 upright Boss 6-amp vaccum cleaner engine died. Narul may reincarnate it with a new motor; I got a new Boss buddy. Speaking of TPG, all of my best friends are married. I won a Relic watch at work; it's artsy. The year--long drought finally ended; it's like Christmas in February. I started writing again. Late in February I tried out to be a DJ at the better of the 2 Alternative stations out here, and I'm already hired at a closer full time job than the one I have now. Busy as hell, but I'm still broke. Send money.

What's different here than in college town: Entire neighborhoods with no English spoken; Spanish billboards, Spanish neon, Spanish lunch special signs...I don't get it. People normally drive way too fast out here; but twice in one week my lane (only) of 2 seperate highways came to a screeching halt. Why does this shit happen to me?

Life with Static Girl: She's going stir crazy. I wish she'd get strung out on an art splurge; you know, stay in her room for like 15 hours straight and create lots of small posters with all her cool pens. As for getting along; we finally had a moment of misunderstanding between us. But we did excellent crisis--resolution, and now we are stronger than ever.

A thought to take with you: First off; a bumper sticker on a pick up truck:

Warning; Driver no longer
gives a shit!

But I need an original thought..."I'm going to miss the surface of this planet; it's been pretty good to me. I've spent almost my whole life here."

Memoirs of the Overnight Environmentalist: We've had this whole planet to ourselves for over 10,000 years. No other life forms have even challenged us; no takeovers, no satellite territorials, no invasion of our resources, nothing. All we have been asked to do is to maintain, and appreciate. That's all; no biggie. If we just did a little maintenance, and verbalize a few "thank you"'s, all would be well.
Humans would have to be REALLY damn dumb to screw up a sweet deal like this.

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