Oh no, is it election time again? Here's a nice place for my soapbox:

I see that gasoline prices are about to go up another 10 to 15 cents a gallon again. This reminds me of those thousands of idle oil wells in Texas. They're not dry, mind you, they're just not pumping. They are the equivalent of engine-less cars sitting up on blocks in somebody's yard. This is funny, see? The tools are there, right there, right where we need them; the tools that could provide the oil we need. But they remain idle so that we can depend on the great OPEC nations. I guess it's our government's idea to have these oil wells NOT pumping oil. Here's a good one...ready? Okay, "I 'vote' that we produce some of our own oil." Isn't that hilarious? "Vote"; ha. I crack me up sometimes. I mean, God forbid that we should be "self-reliant". You know; screw the Industrial Revolution, and all that crap about finding new ways to perform better and more efficiently. Yeah. We can buy our oil from greedy-assed towelheads. "Oh look, Zumammashta wants a new castle; we must raise oil prices." Weren't we supposed to have conventional, solar-powered vehicles like...30 years ago? I am way past tired of this crap. It's about time for the Overnight Guy to go to Washington and kick some bureaucratic ass. Who wants to road trip?

Were you one of the lucky few who got to see my little explanations of political campaigns? You know; better teachers, better water, and the middle class tax cut? If so, then good for you. If not...all I can say is that it was up here for 2 weeks before I had to make it disappear. If you are personally too slow to understand how it all works, oh never mind. Why do I waste my time on it at all? It's just more "stuff" that gets frowned upon. Okay folks, feel the excitement; the "VOTE 2000 Campaign" is about to begin. I know that I may have to go change my underwear soon. I mean, as if there really were a need for an actual "puppet president" or something. There I go again. Never mind.

So are you going to go out and vote for the coke dealer Bush, or the pothead Gore? And while you are out there for hours waiting in line to cast your individual choice, remember that the popular vote does not decide the presidency. To be honest, the popular vote hasn't meant anything since the beginning of the second World War. Just as I did in 1992, you may actually start to wonder why, exactly, you are out there casting your irrelevant and insignificant "lesser of two evils"; but don't. No sir. This is no time for logic or common sense. This is voting time; and you must show the powers that be how much you appreciate their system by continuing to support it. Thank you. And pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

May the gods of religion and politics pee on your head in such a refreshing manner that you feel placated.

While you are enjoying that little metaphoric shower of golden truth, I want you to think about those thousands of oil wells sitting idle in Texas. They're just sitting there like... well I don't know. I'd never seen an oil well before. And then I saw a thousand of them, but they weren't pumping. I was so wrong about how they look; they were much uglier than engine-less cars. They were the most infuriating thing about Texas. Well, them and the overpriced motel rooms. But at the least the motel rooms weren't idle. Can you imagine an "idle" motel room? 'Well, you can't rent it, you can't shower in it, you can't sleep in it; in fact, you can't even "go" in it...but by definition, it's a motel room.' Oh, well sure, that makes sense. Solar cars; electric cars; cars that run on vegetable matter; what the hell happened?
When did "oil consumption" become such a f--king priority?
Coming soon: the Overnight Guy's Road Trip to Washington.

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