Why Don't You Have Any Kids?


Let's pretend that you know nothing about me; you've never read a commentary on my website. Let's say you were just scootin' around, you saw some purple, and thought 'hey I'll read this little thing here'. See what you think...

This is a difficult topic for me; Static Girl and I, and maybe a couple of other people we stay in contact with, appear to be the ONLY people who have a clue about children. My best friend, TPG, whom I love very dearly, is a complete moron when it comes to children--he already has a soon-to-be adult son, thought he had another son (6-2002), and he still wants more. I just don't get it. He's a great guy otherwise.

Yes, I am one of those who hated his parents (duh). I never did, and still don't see any reason why I need to be here--suffering through these pathetic human conditions. I often thought of killing both my parents; the detail I put into these plans was scary. I could have had them arrested, too. Later, I could afford to pay somebody else to get rid of them--if I wanted to. There are many ways I could have "disposed" of my parents. And after my childhood of hate; pure and simple disgust with 2 divorced hippies who had no long range plan to even stay together through MY childhood (at least THEIR dumb, unhappy parents stayed married until MY parents were both adults), people have the gaul to ask ME why I don't want children. So; why don't you have any kids?

There is SO much more to this story. Apparently I was a pretty bright kid; figuring out perpetual motion, solving the "too many prisoners/not enough prisons" problem, and understanding (from the first explanation) that eating the "specific cleansing organs" of fowl (chicken livers) was a really bad idea--all before the age of 9. I didn't want to conform; I wanted to seperate. Since I was alive against my will, I wanted to figure out how to solve problems quickly, and just get on to whatever is next. I didn't want to be here, but suicide attempts would also fall short. I was "trapped" here. Great. So why don't you have any kids?

Let's slide on over to the female side of this. No; I'm not going to talk more about the pregnant, smoking strippers who claim to be great moms (Can any stripper be a "great" mom?). And those "crack babies"; yum yum. Stop; this is not where I was going. When I was born, which was not my choice--thank you--I ALREADY KNEW it was a bad idea, but when I was born I was 2 weeks late. Normal pregnancy has to be hard enough; natural childbirth must be extremely painful, and to imagine how any woman would have to carry a growing child inside of her for an EXTRA 2 weeks is ridiculous. I came out with fingernails and a full head of hair; clawing and kicking--does this sound like fun to you ladies? Apparently so--you still want children. Let's get past my actual childbirth, and talk of what it did to my Mom's body. I've seen pictures of my Mom in high school; she looked good before motherhood. And let's face facts; my Mom didn't do ANYTHING to try to get back into shape after having me (that silly round woman, bless her heart). But even if she had, my being 2 weeks late had caused grotesque stretchmarks. Why would ANY rational man LET some clueless woman have his child--is that a fair question? In fact, I have concluded that it was the ruining of my Mom's body that facilitated my parent's divorce. Hey; my rock and roll guitar-playing, singer-songwriting, band-leading, successful and great looking father isn't going to have some out-of-shape fat girl as his #1 woman--I don't care how many college degrees she has; deal with it. I wound up causing CONSIDERABLY more problems for my parents than any joy I MAY have brought them; in fact, I may have broken them up (Kids sometimes do that, you know?). Right; so why don't you have any kids?

You really won't let this go, will you? You're still in that "career, marriage, family, house" frame of mind from 40 years past; you're still in that other commentary we wrote an hour ago, aren't you? Do you think that ANY marriage, ANY job, or ANY THING(!) is going to last as long as another person you bring into this world? Read that again. You need to open your mind up a little, and realize that there are too many people on this planet already. Okay? Let the dumb people breed; that's ALL they know how to do anyway. If I had kids, then I wouldn't want them playing with the dumb kids AT ALL. You people who DO want kids obviously don't care who your kids play with. Exactly. So why don't you have any kids?

In 1993, I broke up with the FINAL woman who MIGHT ever want kids during her time with me. I will not date any more mothers; in fact, I don't think I will have to date anybody else, ever. My Static Girl also does not want children. In fact, my Static Girl goes to great lengths to MAKE SURE that she will NEVER have children. I think that she is brilliant (MY awesome, gorgeous, dark-haired, ninja-stealth-alien-goddess Jurassic Park Girlfriend). And remember; the 10% of women (on this earth) who DO have a clue AGREE WITH ME that the OTHER 90% of women are IDIOTS.
And THAT is why I don't have any kids.
Thank you very much.

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