Getting to know me (March) 2006

Current mood: Loopy

1) What time did you get up this morning? Alarm at 6:30 am, 1 snooze, and up at 6:40. I hated it.

2) Diamonds or pearls? Amethyst.

3) What was the last film you saw at the theater? Corpse Bride (it's been awhile since I trekked to the movies).

4) What is your favorite TV show? Alone? PTI, Scrubs, The Shield, Rescue Me, and Family Guy. With my girlfriend I like old CSI's and UFO shows.

5) What do you usually have for breakfast? Chewy granola bars, or bagels; soy milk, and a multi-vitamin. Breakfast is a good example of something that is both really important, and really boring.

6) Favorite cuisine? Southern bar-b-que today, Chinese food 2maro, Mexican last week, Italian is excellent, too. Where can we get Greek food around here?

7) What is your middle name? Superman

8) What food do you dislike? No no no; I LOVE food. I can find the good in almost any dumpster.

9) What is your favorite CD at the moment? (Athens' own) Five Eight's "Gasolina" (hearing it now) just barely tops the self-titled "Five Eight"; "Weirdo" comes in 3rd, and "I Learned Shut Up" comes next. My 'Five Eight February' has lingered later, and will continue.

10) What kind of car do you drive? Don't know if I'd drive another car; I drive my 1989 Silver Love Chariot; Gus.

11) Favorite sandwich? I love sandwiches; eat 'em everyday--had 1 for din din tonight. But my favorite sandwich would be me in between the Olsen twins--or maybe me in between 2 soccer girls. Or gymnasts; yes, gymnasts would be a nice fall-back plan.

12) What characteristic do you despise? When people refuse to consider the big picture.

13) Favorite item of clothing? My 10 yr. old green Fig Dish t-shirt (wearing it now).

14) If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? A few days in between Myrtle Beach, SC and Athens, Ga.

15) What color is your bathroom? Understand that this is an apartment; it's not like we got in here and went paint-shopping. The upper bathroom is beige-tiled and in it we created a great dolphin/fish blue-colored theme. The lower bathroom is white, with a white fishy toothbrush holder.

16) Favorite brand of clothing? Cheap? Local? Used? Hemp? I don't do much with labels. I'd rather wear clothes made in America, but I heard that even some American blue jeans are being made in other countries now. Isn't THAT cute?

17) Where would you retire? Fair question; I want to create my own cool and dark paradise. And in an extended reach, part of it might be a portable. I don't know where my home-base would be; it might not matter. There would be many "toys" for my amusement.

18) What was your most recent memorable birthday? I don't do much with birthdays.

19) Favorite sport to watch? Of men? Football or hockey. Of women; soccer and gymnastics.

20) Furthest place you are sending this? Not sending; posting. Wait; I might send this across the hall.

21) Who do you least expect to re-post this? N/A

22) Person you expect to send it back first? N/A

23) Favorite saying? "Apparently..." After I cook for her, my girlfriend will usually say "Thank you for my dinner." I also like saying "I must have you now!" to her.

24) When is your birthday? Leo

25) Are you a morning person or night? I'd rather do nights; that's been the problem for my whole adult life.

26) What is your shoe size? 11

27) Pets? There is a guinea pig in the house, but not in my room.

28) Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? My life is about to get much more involved, and hopefully productive. I'm getting over (finally) my mentality of being young forever.

29) What did you want to be when you were little? Alone. Invisible. Away. I didn't want to be seen while I was masturbating 8 or 10 times a day. I started at the age of 6; what took the rest of you so long?

30) How are you today? Kind of frisky, apparently. Sniffly and coughy, too. Sick and horny; yeah, welcome to my world.

31) What is your favorite candy? Chocolate Marcy's Playground Sex and Candy French kisses.

32) What is your favorite flower? Throbbing purple ones!

33) What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Since actuality precedes potentiality, I'll say "today". Boring. Hang on. Okay; I like the first day of a new month, because you have to change to the next page of the wall calenders, and it's a clean slate, and you can say to yourself: "THIS is the month that I will get my act together, get organized, and do blah blah blah." It may or may not happen, but there is definitely some optimism on the first day of a new month. Right?

34) Favorite perfume? Stetson for me. My girlfriend uses this fruity hemp lotion that's sexy and sweet; I want to drink it straight from the bottle. Brb.

35) Favorite color? Amethyst. Throbbing violets. Deep Purple panties and a matching pretty bra.

36) Kitchen color/theme? Again; we didn't plan this apartment. White cabinets, beige vinyl tile; it's the tiniest kitchen ever. The theme is: "You're going to have to move something first.".

37) What are you most thankful for? Lotions of all kinds :). My girlfriend. I'm glad to be here.

38) What will you do when you finish this email? Stretch and go to sleep; alarms go off at 6:30, and it's after 1.

There should be more questions. I want to talk "about me", dammit. The only child, the center of attention, and the guy with the pretty cool voice. In a great relationship right now, but I date only attractive, younger, child-less women with money (that's part of the benefit of being me). Can go 3 days without a shower and not stink; I also clean up pretty nice. I can be sophisticated, OR cute and dumb; I write poetry, AND watch auto racing (I'll play to your strengths). I can deal with many people daily, but would also welcome solitary confinement. Personal growth should be everybody's goal; it can come from suffering or celebration--sometimes both. I quit caring what other people think right after high school; wish I had quit sooner. Can go years without a cigarette or eating meat, but I've quit neither entirely. I certainly don't know everything, but I may know more than you--deal with it. I am an entertaining, mobile trainwreck of wit and insults. You have been warned.

The super cool hottie chick back in Ga who turned me on to MySpace has this new little survey thingie up, and she sent me a copy. "MySpace"; where I have 2 friends--and 54 other people want to be my friends--it's really not all that different from being on the radio; sheesh. But I've been wanting to do another one of these survey things this Summer--so I figure it's fate that I found this/she sent it to me. In her version, she calls this thing:

Blah Blah Blah

And before we get into this, let me explain some stuff: I am NOT bored; I don't GET bored--I don't know how a person arrives at a point to FEEL boredom in this world. Maybe there's nothing on tv, maybe you feel blah (title above), or maybe you don't have some impending crisis (like parenthood) that begs your total and constant concentration, but I doubt that you are actually bored. You are not "bored"; you are LUCKY. Okay? Go take a fucking nap if you actually have time to. I don't have time enough to collect my thoughts as it is; fuck boredom. This is a Sunday afternoon in July, 2006 where I am giving another listen to the entire new Tool CD (yum). The exercise that follows is merely to give my eyes and hands a task while my ears are loving life.

Have you had sex in the past 24 hours?
Define "sex"; is that with another person? No; nothing with a partner in the past 24. But I have masturbated 2wice. And if it's the "thought" that counts, then I am a probing casanova--happy-bouncing the good, and hate-slamming the bad girls of the world. Doggie smile, Come-From-Behind; Victory is mine.

Are you gay?
Not even close.

Do you have hairy legs?
Hairy and White.

Do you like monkeys?
Maybe in the zoo they're okay.

Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
I can't choose a pool? Fine. I'd probably go with the ocean.

Have you ever licked one of those square batteries?
Like this? I'm licking one now; "those square batteries" are 9-volt batteries. We used to do bong hits and lick the 'tongue-ticklers'. They should have more volts; ones that could knock you across the room--now that would be fun.

Have you ever read the Bible?
Tough question there. The bible is fiction, set with word-trickery meant to engage and confuse the minds of simple folk 2000 years ago. What kind of moron reads a 2000 year old book and finds it relevant? I would never. See? I'll play along with believing in God, play along with karma, play along with alot of the other shit that reformed druggies do; but the present bible is not for me. We need a 21st Century, fast-track, home-study, 30 minutes a day--for 1 month real-life bible course for the people who might give a shit. I might.

Did you ever go to Sunday School?
3 times; I think. It was pretty dumb. Wasn't the first question up there about sex? And now we're doin' monkeys and oceans and bible school; this is a weird fuckin' survey.

Do you wear a lot of black?
Black Mountain Dew t-shirt; (bands) Cage and Q-Sign, Famous Sam's and Wells Fargo t-shirts; and lots of black underwear. No; I don't wear much black. Great question.

Did you ever bring a weapon to high school?
Knives and baseball bats, yes. Guns; no.

Have you ever hugged a tree?
Obviously you don't know me. I've hugged trees, telephone poles, mailboxes; wait, it would be easier to name the things I have NOT hugged.

Do you know what a sphincter actually is?
Kiss my shincter.

Describe you hair.
Short, (about 1 inch) brown that's graying fast, and 1 sideburn (left). Next week I may update this, because my next haicut is going to be 1/3 of an inch at most, or maybe I'll go on and shave my head for the first time.

Are you a wild beast?
Used to be. Now I am quieter and less social.

Do you like to have fun?
"Fun" is very personal to me; my fun is not your concern. I take my recreational therapy very seriously.

Do you like drama?
Drama comes from fat girls who think that somebody owes them something. What kind of moron likes drama?

Are you afraid to die?
Today? No. It's a good day to die.

Do you like playing in leaves?
Leave me alone! Wish I had time to go play in the leaves.

Do you like deer ticks?
I don't know. How do you smoke a deer tick; can you bong it, or do you puff them dry? Deer ticks under glass? Deer tick brownies? Help me out here. This fuckin' survey is all over the map.

Have you ever pee'd your pants as a teen?
Oh please. I've peed, shit, and puked in my own lap; as a kid, as a teen, and as an adult. I did it last century, I've done it this century--tell you what; I'll keep you posted.

Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult?
Maybe. I almost threw up on Donny Donut back in '99 while we were bar-hopping. It was my first experience of driving and puking, but not my last. I'm moving on to the next question now.

Are you an adult?
Again with the definitions; I'm about to be 41 years old. On paper, one would assume that an old man of 41 would be an adult. And then you

Do you think you have a good handle on spelling?
I proofread everything; newspapers are pathetic. It bothers me that nobody can spell anymore.

Ever won a spelling bee?
Grade school; I won the first 2 spelling bees I was in. Then, at the 3rd one, it was made clear how the powers that be wanted either a Black kid or a girl to win the public school spelling competition--which was NOT going to fucking happen while I was still in the mix. So they dumped a word on me with 2 correct spellings (desert/dessert), then they used the incorrect one in their sentence so they could call my spelling wrong, and that "eliminated" me. I could have protested, but do you want to know what I did instead? I went outside and got high--while the rest of the school was whoop-tee-doing the fake spelling bee. Have you ever smoked pot rolled up in Monopoly money? It's harsh.

Do you ever eat because your depressed?
What kind of stupid-assed female-fronted bullshit is this? I am male; I DRINK when I'm depressed. By the way, dipshit; the word is "you're"--short for "you are". 'Because you're depressed'. I'm no longer loving this survey. And the Tool CD is done; moving on to Crystal Method's "Legion of Boom" now.

Are you a television addict?
I want to be, I would be, and might still be; but it has been made far too clear that tv is the main tool used to keep us chasing our own tails and talking about sports and weather.

Do you think O.J. is guilty?
What? By asking this question, you are proving that you watch too much tv.

Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Oh God; now it's "Gilmore Girls" questions. No; I honestly don't know why I still talk to my mother.

Have you ever had sex in a hot tub?
I don't think so. I've been in a hot tub; I've even been in a hot tub with a fine, naked woman. And I just sit there--wondering what IS the big deal about hot tubs.

On a Swing?
No, and I'm not enjoying the visual either.

Do you like Elvis?
Everybody likes Elvis; the question should be about WHICH Elvis you like better; the early Elvis when he was doing the visual sexual shock value, or the later Elvis (the Vegas Elvis) when he was following the rules and still incredible.

Do you enjoy watching animals "do it" on the Discovery Channel?
Yes. I especially like the way that animals don't waste alot of time.

Ever been hit on at a zoo?
I haven't been to a zoo in years, and don't remember if I got hit on.

Have you ever had sex with a total stranger?
No. How can you have sex with a total stranger, and even if you could/did/do, why would you ever answer that question with a 'yes'? I've hugged, kissed, and groped a stranger; may have even gone to 3rd base with a stranger, but never had sex with one.

Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkey?
Turkey has calming effects? I must not be smoking it right. I eat turkey sandwiches almost every day, and I'm just as angry as I've ever been. Fuck you, and your bored turkey, too!

Are you a sugar freak?
Es posible que.

When you hear a knock on the door, do you think "oh shit, is that the COPS!!"
No. I think 'What Jesus freak, or magazine sales idiot is here now?". However; I have lived in houses, in the past, where my first reaction to the door or doorbell is paranoia. So?

Ever been arrested?
Nope. I've talked my way out of it twice.

Do you like orange juice?
It's okay, and it's very citrussy--which is good. But it leaves a weird after-taste; it's kinda "stringy", too. I like apple juice mo' better.

What sign are you?
None of your fuckin' business (like a true Leo).

Ever do the party boy dance in front of the elderly?
No; but I LOVED the Jackass movie, and there are many things I would like to do to fuck with old people--like streak through a retirement home.

Where do you wish you were right now?
Having sex with a strange monkey in a hot tub at the zoo. Huh? Hey; it's YOUR dumbass survey. Right now I wish I were in the gym, doing "butterflys" with my arms, and "squeezes" with my legs. Did I mention "alone"? Yes; alone in the gym, or perhaps alone at the bar. Maybe even alone and masturbating; that's not just a preference--that's a prediction. Are we almost done here?

Did you enjoy this?
I always enjoy listening to Tool and Crystal Method. And I just killed, spent, wasted, or invested over an hour here; I guess it depends on your perspective.

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