Sent to me by the best FCP in the universe:

True Friendship

(and I wonder why I don't have any friends...)

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.....

10. Where's the one about 'I'll try to keep your hair out of the toilet when you're puking.'? And the other one about 'I'll do everything in my power to keep you from having revenge-sex with a really ugly person.'?...Let me tell you what you DON'T want; you don't want me to come up with my own list of this kind of shit--what a dark display that would be!

Send this to "all 10" of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!!!!

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