38 yr. old white male; 5-11, 240 lbs (and dropping) large-framed, brown, brown, seeks unique blonde or redheaded female, preferably tall--but not a problem She needs to have a JOB, a CAR, and the ability to PAY HER OWN BILLS; a social smoker would be okay, but NO drugs. We're now up to where she should be semi-functionally coherent--maybe even responsible, in a perfect world "classy" (no more white trash!); age-wise she should be between (a mature) 25 and (a still youthful) 40-ish, understanding that she needs to "communicate" with The Perfect Guy--and The Perfect Guy (pay attention) might not be so OBVIOUS at first sight (duh).
He is: knowledgeable in all things mechanical and electrical--with his LARGE fingers (!)--HE GETS THINGS DONE; social graces to impress, knows how to dress, and will treat you better than right. Sharp-witted, truly friendly, restoring faith in humanity everywhere he goes (we are, after all, talking about MY best friend here)--you WANT him, you NEED him; that song we like from Vertical Horizon--THAT'S HIM! 'Everything' and more. Looks? Did I mention he is above-average looking, easily passes for 30, with incredible energy and oompf? LOOKS are not a problem. Okay? "Communication" appears to be the "missing" factor. Can you listen, can you understand, and can you respond? It SEEMS so simple. No longer the "Patron Saint of Lost Causes" (Oh I have stories!); here is:
The NEW rule; I'M the Best Friend--and you will NOW be subject to my evaluations as well--AS IF you couldn't figure out THIS little nugget already--THAT'S the new rule, baby! I'M the one who has been here through 13+ years of misguided meanderings--and I AM being nice. I KNOW The Perfect Guy when I see him--I'M not the one with the "vision problem" here.
I giggle at the fact that EVERY girl who missed her chance, and EVERY girl who pissed her chance (not many, not most, but EVERY girl)--regrets it (awww, bye!). Angels should sing, and ladies within 30 miles of north Phoenix should rejoice. You have a one-time chance at: stopped leaks, fixed squeaks, and to have your car run as well as it can for longer than it should. You have a chance to be WORSHIPPED and ADORED, loved for life, by the single greatest (and most often overlooked) guy ever (what the hell is wrong with you women?). I certainly don't deserve to know him either--but he sees some kind of hope in me (yeah, whatever), and I'm not dumb enough to stray. Hello? Communication (How many times have I used that word here?) will enable you to utilize TPG, and to make you the BEST you that you can be. I should be writing a poem ABOUT him instead of a personal ad FOR him; I shouldn't have to advertise The Perfect Guy. The ONLY guy on this planet who is BETTER than me IS TPG. That's it! Enough! No more sales pitch. You're either itching to click (unlikely), or too stupid (more likely) to understand this opportunity.
Links to follow (that means you should get ready to click now--AGAIN, it SEEMS so simple); e-mail him, e-mail me, e-mail your mom--and have HER e-mail The Perfect Guy by clicking the "TPG" link below:
(start with the words "Dear TPG,")
THIS IS THE TPG LINK:
E-MAIL TPG BY
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!
I don't know YOUR mother's e-mail, and that's probably a good thing. But you can e-mail TPG's mom--ask her about The Perfect Guy--by clicking the link below:
(start with the words "Dear TPG's Mom,")
THIS IS TPG'S MOM'S E-MAIL
LINK; E-MAIL TPG'S MOM
BY CLICKING HERE.
Why are you down here? Exactly what is still UNCLEAR about this invitation? Are you risking anything by clicking? Are you afraid that you might not be worthy of The Perfect Guy? Let me assure you that YOU ARE NOT. So maybe we need to build up your confidence a little, Miss Applicant. For some FREE constructive criticism (snicker), you might want to e-mail me (this is very bad idea) by clicking below:
(start with the words "Dear TPG's--and World's Greatest--Best Friend,")
THIS IS W. C.'S E-MAIL LINK
E-MAIL THE OVERNIGHT GUY
BY CLICKING HERE;
A VERY BAD IDEA.
Stop scrolling; do not go any further. I'm not warning you (yet)--I'm BEGGING you to stop. This is for your own good; it is neither a trick nor a test. I am asking you nicely to stop now.
Seriously; you need to concentrate on things that are ABOVE these words that you are reading now.
Okay; I was nice and polite
Firm and Fair
I haven't even brushed with being sexist, YET
Now I'm warning you to stop.
Like, STOP. Don't go any further
Ladies; when dealing The Perfect Guy, OR the Overnight Guy, you should always remember to:
PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK, BABY!
Last, least, totally unnecessary, not required, and another "very bad idea" would be to click below on the link back to my purple sandbox. You're NOT trying to impress me, okay? You have NO reason to click. I'm DONE with women; I ALREADY HAVE an upper 10% girlfriend (90% of women are freakin' idiots--by the way, and the "upper 10%'"s know this). And IF you are all the way down here, then it's time to go away now, buh-bye, because a true "upper 10%" would have clicked on the VERY FIRST LINK:
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