Sidebars 94 -- 100

SIDEBAR 94

February 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: I read this thing about success that says you have to write things down, and make lists, and set goals, and all this other blah-blah crap. I sit here in my sweat pants and make lists of stuff on my website; does that count?
Teen Vogue Magazine sends me e-mails; they offered, but never sent me any new Olsen twins poster (yum). Now they are offering to send me a Maria Sharapova poster. I think Teen Vogue is just teasing old pervs like me. Never mind that it's actually working.

Watching: (Speaking of perverts) Have you seen the MSNBC series on "To Catch A Predator"? 50 yr. old men driving over to a fake house with a fake underage girl who fakes like she wants sex. It's funny. Here's some advice; if an underage girl says she wants to suck you off and/or take it up her butt, then you tell the young girl to either ride a bus OR steal a car and drive over to find you.
I saw Keith interview Seth MacFarlane on Countdown; wow, both of those guys are good. Keith will be doing a guest voice on Family Guy some time in April...Saw another thing on Countdown about the best place to work in the world is Google. Personally; I'D like to work at Countdown, but Google might be okay, too.
I screamed when I saw Danny Bonaduce kiss The Soup host Josh McHale (?); THAT was excellent comedy--Static Girl even cracked up when I told her about it! I don't really want to kiss Danny Bonaduce, but I DO still want to host The Soup...I had been recording Family Guy episodes, and had about 15 of them ready when I finally did the marathon. Only 1 episode was new to me. There's going to be a Superbowl marathon, too; that's a good idea.

Did any SEC team lose a bowl game? UGA won, LSU won, and FLA stomped the crap out of the decided national champs. Did your sissy conference win the national title this year? I don't think so. Continuing; my Patriots have once again made the Final 4 in pro football; I'll pick Patriots/Saints for the Super Bowl; yes, that would be both road teams to win on Championship Sunday--very unlikely. So what? Um, so I was wrong about everything. So what? They still made the final 4; again.
I cannot even watch regular tv now; I am so spoiled with my DVR that I just record stuff and then go watch it when I want--with no commercials. But I don't have time to just sit and stare at the tv anyway. Who does?
Does "watching" include staring at other sh!t? Sure. So I'd been looking for my favorite picture of Cindy Crawford--I think it's from her Playboy spread. My Static girlfriend could so easily imitate this picture--if she wanted to. It's a glamorous, topless but not revealing picture of Cindy. I finally found the picture and got it on my computer--so that I could show my girlfriend how I'm not actually a porn freak (ha). But none of it matters; Static Girl just rolled her eyes at the photo. Sigh.

Class Projects: More late Christmas gifts from girlfriend's family! A Blockbuster card got me both V for Vendetta (A-) and the DaVinci Code (A); wooo. Both were watched on the Warped Tour with my incredible girlfriend.
Watching? I saw somewhere (3 different somewheres) that New York City has either 100K, 150K, or 152K cameras recording the public. Okay; so WHO is watching all these dumbass cameras? I would like to submit an application to work for the Nazi Invasion Camera Committee. And CC an application over to be an internet 13/F for the To Catch A Predator show; I'd be good at that--never mind why. That's commentary fodder right there.

Watching and Hearing: Girlfriend's brother, who apparently LOVES me, got me 'The Making of Dark Side of the Moon' DVD--sweet!
From an e-mail, I found a 3-song clip of Dream Life Misery on You Tube. I play it at work, on break, and other people bob their heads, too. Cool. Their 2006 CD, "Over the Wire" is not orderable at CDWorld anymore. That pisses me off; but I'll go back to House of Records and flirt with Martha.

Hearing: More music from girlfriend's family; multiple Meatloaf III's--one of which was traded in to get me the new Who's "Endless Wire", too. New Goo and Audioslave have no surprises; they are fine--I was just hoping for more...How long since you played all of Tool's Undertow? "This is necessary."...
On a day trip to CDWorld, looking for Chevelle, I found a new Cure CD, "Faith"; from 2006. I went to purchase it immediately; I did not bother to inquire or investigate, and why would I? It's a new Cure CD, and I will own it right now; thank you. As I was buying the CD from the owner of CDWorld, I did finally ask why I hadn't heard of a new Cure CD last year. He perked up, smiled big (like he'd been waiting for somebody to ask about this) and told me that this Cure music was actually from the 1970's, first released in 1981. He said that it was excellent, and that I definitely need this in my collection. He was right. Kick ass...No Dream Life Misery CD's in this town; great...Back to CDWorld end of the month; bought the first Chevelle new. Also bought the entire Bill Hicks "Salvation" concert from Oxford, 1992.
With an assist from my IT girlfriend, I set my computer sound to play through these 280 watt home speakers one evening--hearing the walls shake wasn't special, but hearing the local dogs howl was exciting. We scared the new neighbor, too.
25 years later: "YYZ" is the airport code for Toronto, and RUSH is a Canadian band; so it all makes "instrumental" sense now. Never mind...
New on the radio: I wouldn't know, or care; sorry. Was that a coma splice?
Out and About: Billy Idol at Dollar Tree, America at Carl's Jr, 38 Special at Wal-Mart, Darryl Hall, Eric Carmen, Linda Rondstat and Air Supply (welcome back to 1980) at Izzy's, Cyndi Lauper at Home Depot(?).
Singing: Story of the Year's "Until The Day I Die", Chevelle's "Send the Pain Below" (added to my CDWorld list), Filter/Crystal Method's version of "Trip Like I Do", New Order's "The Globe", 2 from Depeche Mode; "Dream on", and "Enjoy the Silence", Soft Cell's "Tainted Love", Dio's "Last in Line", and I got caught singing "You gotta put down the duckie if you want to play the saxophone" in the shower at work.

What I want today: Everything I want is within grasp, but currently unreachable. The resulting options for perspective are either to be frustrated, or to enjoy the things I do have. For now I am going to enjoy what I do have.

New "work" stuff this month or so: Sales training at work; again we're getting the old push about how people like to hear their name. Really? Do people like that? "Use the person's name at least 6 times during the sales pitch." Maybe those Idol-watchers and tabloid-readers like it. I don't; it annoys the hell out of me when somebody I DON'T know starts trying to act like my buddy by using my name in every other sentence. I find it a shallow and cheap attempt to imply an imaginary bond, while they hope to lead me into a purchasing decision--but maybe I'm over-thinking again...I go early to work and workout; it's nice...You need to have a bad day every once in a while--just so you can remember what is good...1-31-07; my work still has it's December 2006 company newsletter up, and our hold music talks about upcoming events that will be happening in June, 2006; nice. I can't wait.

This Month at the Dollar Tree: Coconut chocolate Nestle bars, carmel Twix thingies, 8 coat hangers, more stuffed jalapeno chips, and more strawberry newtons, too.

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Gus has a radiator leak, but not everyday; and yes, I am confused by that, too...My coach at work is silent about his Mountain Dew abuse--like a real drug addict; he had 5 empty litre bottles on his desk one day. 5. Wow. My 2 litre a day "trend" doesn't look so bad now; I have even not drunk any for 2 complete days here in the last few months...In early January, I forgot to take a belt to work one day, and my pants were falling off; which is like this dream I've been having. Had a different dream where I was hanging out with Fox Mulder, and another dream where I was with my FCP; where was I?..My new left ear from 2004 is clogging up again, so I'm 'goin' deaf in the left'; it's still better than the 'water balloons' it used to be though...Like old times; I drank a Michelob Ultra at a bar the other night--that used to be my beer, but it's just butt-squirt water (I'm soiled on Pacific Northwest beer now. I mean "spoiled".)...I'm calling it "Dirty Harry Wrist"; my right hand (my whole right arm) absolutely aches constantly because of all the force used in playing that damn pinball machine...Made more of my green tea; I make some good tea...I have cut way down on Mountain Dew--there were 2 days back-to-back where I drank none. However, I am again consuming 8 cups of coffee (over 4 hours) per day...I will donate to the volunteer fire department, but that's the last donation...I lost 2 hand-exercisers for a week; then they showed up at work--right where I was going to put them, but I hadn't put them there yet. Sure; I bet shit like this happens to everybody...On my day off, I like to drink coffee, do laundry, and listen to 90's music (like Radiohead)...The artist formerly known as Donny Donut has resurfaced in a different southern state. E-mail exchanges contain the profound pissiness I adore...

***2 new paragraphs this month:***
New foods this month? Along with the organic bananas, I'm eating a Clif bar at breakfast almost everyday...Since they're not really hot at all (up here), I take a full jalapeno pepper to work and eat it with my sandwich; lunches are still those incredible turkey, red onion, lettuce and tomato sandwiches I make on Static Girl bread...My newest microwave rice pot has garbanzos and hominy; also going to try a rice pot w/kidney beans and hominy. That's it; next we'll add the new purple hull peas; and the rice pot pinnacle has been reached...Static Girl made soup with lentils. I learned about lentils on The Young Ones back in 1985-6; who knew they were so yummy?..Hippie chick co-worker grows her own spaghetti squash, and gave us one!
Our big new cooking push is: Iron skillets! Static girl got a small skillet for Christmas, then I went and bought the big mutha iron skillet--it's like a weapon. My first cooking was garlic potatos (yawn). After burning my finger early, I later also learned, first hand--ha, that you can't grab the hot handle of an iron skillet; I guess everybody learns that once. My flesh seared; I liked the smell, but it hurt. We self-cannibals are a strange lot.

This month at the Blues Jam (quite similar to an Athens bar): First off; Thursdays rule! I go workout before work, then come home and kiss on my girl, then go play pinball while hearing the best music ever. 1-11-07, my 5th Blues Jam had me not partying responsibly through 3 hours of pinball; met drummer Jim; now he's a new pinball student of mine...Back in Athens I sometimes played pinball with local musicians; the musicians liked me because I treated them just as fellow pinballers. Turns out that my Blues Jam pinball buddy "Jim" is actually a famous drummer; cool...My "Dirty Harry Wrist" (right) hurts very much--I try to call it good pain...1-18-07; my 6th Blues Jam had me scoring 3.048 billion on my Dirty Harry pinball (score #3), and wiping the floor with Jim; just IMAGINE what I would do to that machine if the right flipper worked properly. Scored a -17 on the new 2007 Golden Tee game, too. It was a great day/night, starting with an extended early workout--until I puked chocolate the next morning, and couldn't feel my legs underneath new back pain--I'm not 30 anymore; hangovers last all day. So; the day after THIS hangover wears off, on Sat. 1-20-07--I go back to play 5 more hours of pinball (I'm not addicted--I can quit anytime I want); try to remember how you spent YOUR final days before we went to war with Iran. Then on Tuesday 1-23, I went back to play 3 more hours of puke-breath pinball (Tuesday? You're puking on a school night?). My 7th Blues Jam, 1-25-07, I got to play 4 more hours of pinball; 3 games over 2 billion, and I did a couple of physically impossible moves with Jim watching (I hope Jim is an alien, and I hope he enjoys the show.). Jim says HIS right hand hurts from just watching what MY right hand has to do to get the ball up that left ramp. Then on 1-27 Friday night I scored a 3.240 billion; so now I have scores 3 and 4. On Tuesday 1-30-07, I scored a 6.587 billion on Dirty Harry pinball. I beat the old high score by 1.7 billion--even with a weak right flipper...I have done 2 Tuesday nights this month, 2 Thursday/Friday combos this month; I have even done a TH/FR/SA 3 Strange Days set.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is very busy right now; He would appreciate all of us doing a little "self-policing", and a bit more "thinking for ourselves".

What's different here than in college town: It's a very similar mentality up here. People like to get good deals on locally made things. On that note, this month I am paying tribute to Henry Weinhard, and the Blitz-Weinhard Brewing Co. in Hood River, OR. All of the bottles and packaging are going through an upgrade right now, and on the 6-pack boxes there are paragraphs telling a little about this great man and his fine, inexpensive brews. His was the first Hefeweizen I tried in 2005; his Private Stock brew is aged for years, and right now I am enjoying his Blonde Premium Lager. Henry Weinhard's Black Boar Ale is also excellent; I am not usually an Ale drinker, but his is extra mild. And their seasonal "Classic Dark" brew is also wonderful...

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: You'll never wake up in Phoenix to somebody chainsawing tree limbs--that's for sure...We finally had snow on the ground for a week; I drove and slid, also walked and slid; one time I even stood still and slid. It was exciting...Organically Grown Co. (based in Eugene, OR) is the largest distributor of organic produce in the Northwest (Oreganic?); they shipped 50 million lbs. in 2006--yay...

Life with Static Girl: She started the new year under the weather, and I hate it for her; trying to be the best boyfriend ever is a little tricky...We agree to disagree on the use of coffee filters--I will stop using them when we have a worm garden--she's reading the book on it right now...Her natural scent is absolutely euphoric--like what all female hippies WISH they smelled like; sometimes I smell other girls at work who "project" somewhat less than jake...My girlfriend absolutely simplifies my life; to explain it all to you idiots would be quite complicated...I knew she had a problem with regular bananas, so I found some organic bananas and brought them home. Turns out that she just doesn't like bananas; oh well. More for me...We leave each other very cute notes; some of them are graphic and/or brillianly amusing. All of them are: none of your business...I look at the department store bra and panty ads; some of the girls are pretty, sure. But my girlfriend looks better than all of them; without make-up, without air-brush, and without even trying. I'll do some more follow-up on this, but I'd just like to say "Nyaa nyaa, nyaa nyaa nyaa.". Wow. I did more follow-up, and she's even better; you wouldn't believe; never mind. She's a whisper dream; and when she moves she becomes my gorgeous graceful girlfriend...At work, I get to e-mail my girlfriend 3 times a day if I want to; it doesn't fix Sundays, but it makes Sundays better. And in between those e-mails, on her big Sunday off, MY girflriend bakes incredible bread! I have the BEST girflriend ever! Shhh; calm down. No--I will NOT calm down. She is the greatest thing since her own sliced bread!..More cool couple stuff! We both like the gift of: a roll of quarters! It's laundry for her; it's pinball for me--it might be the best $10 gift ever! I'm just saying...We love most all Garbage songs; I remembered a bonus factoid; an X-Files, Friday night Garbage reference moment in 1998, (complete with a legendary shrug!) from the early days with Static Girl--Only Happy When It Rains, baby...I always try to find her treats when I go shopping. In the chip section I found a pretty green bag of Eatsmart Veggie Crisps; spinach, tomato and potato chips; Static Girl loves them, and is keeping them by her computer. On the next shopping trip, I found some more Eatsmart tomato/basil chips; Static Girl is keeping those by her computer, too...On a lovely Friday night together, she said that I was her best boyfriend ever. Life is good...Real, live Dr.'s told her she needs to gain some weight; I may help her exercise.

My FCP has this for me: She's kicking ass like a good Christian biker chick; she wrote a great commentary about how we all need (and deserve) occaisional "tune-ups". I used to write good stuff like that, but now I'm just a pissy old fart; oh well...She sent me an article that actually came out of an Oregon publication about how people on welfare/government assistance should have to pass a drug test--just like prospective employees do. Good point.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: So that evil Exxon exec, Lee Raymond, did "forced retirement" with a $400 million severance package. The CEO of Home Depot, Robert Nardelli, was fired--and still got $210 million to take with him (I couldn't make up shit this good)...Black former University professor Kamou Kambon, with the support of the New Black Panthers, called for the 'extermination of the White race' (on Fox news); and that's racist--at least I speak of killing ALL humans (even if I would prefer to kill all the White people last)...Your cell phone can be turned on/off, its microphone activated, and you can be tracked at any time--completely unknown to you; bwaa haa ha...Recycling is NOT promoted by our own government--think about that...Every 90 minutes, in America, a person is hit by a train; that is amusing...

A thought to take with you: Trash in: trash out. People who eat fast food should not be allowed to breed; don't argue with me--just think about the concept of what I'm saying; parents should force their children to eat well. See?..Here's a thought you can wrap around; why are (any) people still allowed to breed? If the people here now can't solve the problems we already have, then why are we bringing more people into this mess? Maybe you should read that a few times. Logic is wasted on most of you.

From a Pickles comic--also good pinball advice; something like 'life is not about how high you climb or how fast you fly, but more about how well you bounce'.

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation, and 5 minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently."

Band names: Butt Squirts, 7-Car Pile-Up (from Scrubs), Puking Chocolate, Comma Splice (and accidentally misspelled, it can be "Coma Splice"--which is even better), "Dirty Harry Wrist", "Dramacidal" (from Static Girl's work, or maybe Divorce Court), "Whisper Dream" and "Sliced Bread".





SIDEBAR 95

March 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: I read the newspaper. So I saw an ad for a new Ford truck; only $39,000. Wow. I wouldn't pay that much for a house; how smart must you be to see that the "dollar" is nearly worthless? I remember when $20 was alot of money.

Watching: (2-15) It may have sunk in now; on Out There TV I saw Howard Lyman for the 2nd time. He's the Mad Cowboy; a 4th generation cattle farmer, but eventually turned vegan because of the way animals are treated. And exactly what is done to animals (inside and out, and the ground they live on) will change the way you think about food.
Re-watched "Fire in the Sky"; and where is D. B. Sweeney now, anyway? On TCM I caught most of the Who's "Tommy"; I'm a big Who fan this month. Saw some 0ne-hit-wonders on VH1 with my girl.
"Joel" Mchale is the host of "The Soup" on the E channel; maybe I called him "Josh" last month; sorry. He does it great, too. But after he is done with it, THEN I would like to host that show. But I'll be wearing a Chewbacca mask or something; maybe Darth Vader. I don't want to be seen on tv. "I am your father."

Class Projects: 2 more Family Guy marathons; no, that's not really a class project. My favorite episode so far is Jungle Love; #62 I think. Real Class Projects like
"A Scanner Darkly" (B+), and "An Iconvenient Truth" (A); I rented both of them on 2-15 sick day. The previews for 'Scanner' included a brilliant trailer for a 'too graphic for theaters' bloodbath called "Rest Stop"; so I went back and rented that. It's a C+ movie (at best); I haven't seen so much wasted potential since my own radio career.

Watching and Hearing: Sure. I looked up Crumb on AOL music, and found the actual video for "Shoegazer"; circa 1996. Also saw the Knapsack video (1998) for "Thursday Side of the Street". Damn I'm old.
Neil Young allows Out There TV to use his new music while throwing to commercials; "Looking for a Leader" is good.
I wonder if Dave Grohl took it as a compliment when Prince sang a some of "Best of You" at halftime of the Superbowl. I also wonder what the surviving members of Queen thought about Prince's intro. Prince was dancing on lots of toes; but (credit where it's due), I did like the "dick shadow".
That DVD I saw at Sam's Mart on the Who was actually 'the making of Who's Next'. I bought the last one available, watched it, loved it, and now know more than I knew before.

Hearing: Saturday, 2-3-07; STP's "Plush" was on both local Alt stations at the same time--within 30 seconds of each other; it's a 12 yr. old song. That's not random--that's just weird.
New on the radio: New like 1997, maybe. While driving, I heard Blink 182's "Dammit" on the local corporate crap alt radio, cranked it up, sang, and acted like a teenager one morning; woo. On the other decent station; the Bob and Tom show is powerful, fast, and immature--no wonder I like it so much.
Chris quit Audioslave on 2-15 / Rage is reuniting? Now that could be interesting. Tom says it's Rage just for one show; fuck that. Where's Zack? Bring back Rage already! And have Billy Corgan work with Blake Smith and Mike Willison in Chicago; call it "Smashing Fig Dish". Yeah, I'm dreaming.
Musical purchases this month: Prince's halftime show reminded me that I needed to add Foo Fighters to my list; at CDWorld we picked up (new) the double "In Your Honor", and used first Foo from 1995. I am enjoying both of them right now. Later we would go back for "Best of Dramarama", Monster Magnet's "God Says No", and the movie soundtrack for "Can't Hardly Wait".
Broke down and ordered Dream Life Misery's "Over The Wire" from CDBaby.com. The DLM came in 3 business days--I love CDBaby! I plan to listen to it on my next day off; Friday. Should I review it on my new webpage? I should update the musical section either way.
Out and About: Blondie at Dollar Tree, more 1980 music at Izzy's--this may have been my last dining out as an omnivore; sick shopping at Safeway to "Enjoy the Silence"; it's getting harder to hear the music in stores as I go 'deaf in the left' ear again.
Singing: Queen's "The Game", "Under Pressure", and "Dragon Attack"; been singing Crumb's "Not Again" and "Overboard"; from out of nowhere I sang Rod Stewart's "Hot Legs" to the guinea pig--and she danced; at work I've been singing some of Pink Floyd's "Echoes", Five Eight's "Stanley", and "Speaker Monkey"--which is one of Z's songs at Blues Jam; "One of our submarines..."

What I want today: Some motivation would be nice. It's hard to care while you're just waiting for the depleted uranium to take effect; I am not going to make it...I am happy, and life is full of meaning--that's going to be my first bloggie-style blog.

New stuff this month or so: It's probably months old by now, but my panel of experts says that Family Guy pinball is coming soon. I have requested that Sopranos pinball (at the best bar in the world) be replaced by the 2006 Elvis pinball. Wait; do I have 2 favorite bars right now?..Our neighborhood Burger Burger is closed for remodeling...

This Month at the Dollar Tree: More mocha Kit-Kats, jalapeno cheese slices, spicy hot beef sticks,

Where did "Occupational Hazards" go? I used to have a section where I could randomly bitch about the busy work involved in my current employ. Wait; I have an idea...
Occupational Hazards: I worked my first overtime shift ever this month; 4 hours on a Friday--zero sales. Absolute insanity. There are morons at every level; I would not be surprised to find out that I, too, may be a moron...We're doing 2 weeks of training by sales wizards from FL; every day is an extra hour-long meeting. These are long-assed days...Got my insurance cards; perhaps that means I have insurance. Goodie goodie...So there's this 300 lb. lady at work, she's legally blind enough that she needs a seeing eye guide dog with her at work every day, and she's always wearing headphones--maybe she has hearing problems, too. She left late one night--same time as I did, and I watched her get into a car that was parked in a handicapped space, and she DROVE away. This blind, deaf, co-worker of mine drives her car--everyday. I watched her drive away, and I still don't fucking believe it...I have actually learned alot about Black History this month from the fantastic displays and artwork at my current employer. I was very impressed...

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Had a dream with this girl named "Babette". I probably wouldn't remember the dream, except for her name...I apparently have tons of unreleased anger; it's going to start coming out soon; tick tock...I'm looking into getting a personal domain for this website--that should be fun, you know, with all this unreleased anger and stuff...On the (skinny waist) brown belt, I actually moved down to the 2nd loop for the first time this century; woo...Last month I said that volunteer firefighters would be my last donation; I lied. I'm also donating to the Red Cross...Quick shout out to P-Body; my Izzy's waitress. She is efficient, easy to talk to, gorgeous, and (like me) looks 15 years younger than she is. Go on girl!..Skinny waist? In the mirror; my huge, harpoon-scarred whale gut is visibly smaller, and after a weekend of junk food my weight still went down to 206.5--lowest this century...Losing neighbors? One side neighbors moved out, and the recent addition old lady next door filed a noise complaint; great...Got coughing sick on V-Day and laid out of work again. Had to throw out all our expired cold + cough medicine and go get more. May have to skip Blues Jam tomorrow; bummer...2-15; laying out sick again. No sex, no drugs, no (live) rock and roll; kill me now. 2-16; I feel even worse. 2-17; still a snot factory. I don't want to drink, smoke, play pinball, or have sex--life has lost all meaning. I hate everything. 2-18; sick for 5 days straight; I will not continue this much longer.

New foods this month: I'm going to try out carrot sticks in my lunch--instead of crackers or chips. So then my lunch will be: the monster sandwiches I make on Static Girl's bread, carrot sticks, a raw jalapeno pepper, and a can of 100% vegetable juice. There can be no healthier lunch than that. Carrots and almonds at lunch; nice...Mern's Brooding Costco coffee came to us on Valentine's Day; nice...Sugar! We know better than to snort apartame; and although I still like honey--Static Girl does not. So I'm putting sugar in everything. Sugar kills you slower than its alternatives...I made STEWP! With a vegetable juice broth (soup), I created a chunky "stew" of potatos, carrots and mushrooms. STEWP! It is meant to be poured over my kidney bean and hominy rice pots...

This month at the Blues Jam bar: 2-1-07 was my 8th Blues Jam; I went AS the pinball wizard of the bar, and had a small crowd of people watching me play (and scoring another 3 billion). I was amazed that folks actually cared. It was the best jam ever, too...On Tuesday 2-6-07, I went and scored a 7 billion game of Dirty Harry pinball. 2-8-07 was my 9th Blues Jam, and it ran until 12:30 am; harmonica player Mark said I should check out the book "Bending the Blues" by David Harp. Maybe that would help; it ain't at the library, but it's $7 at Amazon...On my 3rd Tuesday in a row, I scored a 3.4 billion game and got 3 arrests during the "Crime Wave"; best on the machine...Had to skip the 2-15 Blues Jam because I feel like death--and not the good kind...My 10th Jam was on 2-22, the final one in February; Z came through for me, and W C met W G; that was cool. 6.7 billion on Dirty Harry. On the Tuesday nights there, the barkeep plays his own CD's on the big stereo; the new Deftones is great, and I must learn more about City of Angels.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: It's now a rough time for God and His main book. The latest count has over 250 differing versions of the Bible. Differeing? Two examples; the Egyptian bible has no mention of either Noah, or a great flood. Huh? And other European bibles state that the number of the Beast is actually "6-1-6". But 2 outta 3 ain't bad; and I'm not trying to split hairs here. The point being made is simply that 250 different versions of a similar story cannot ALL be true; and maybe none are absolutely true. My bible-thumping, hot Christian biker babe FCP is NOT going to like these comments.

What's different here than in college town: From the front page of our newspaper 2-8-07; there was an article/picture in the newspaper here about a salad bar in the lunch room of a local middle school. So; 7th graders can choose to eat salad for lunch everyday? Boy; WE sure couldn't back in the 70's. Tell me again why these kids today are so fat and stupid...60% of the women over 18 in Eugene are single; wow. 12,000 single women in Eugene own their own homes, and that's just plain weird...Oregon isn't producing peanut butter that causes salmonella; that's something different from Georgia...

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: The "Pizza Research Institute"; they create vegan works of art, and draw art on each pizza box. Locally famous and very popular with the tree-huggers, Static Girl and I now know what earth-friendly pizza is all about. We will be going back to eat there again--in our private, elevator shaft room; and we'll be doing take out, as well. Next up: The Laughing Planet restaurant and/or Cafe Yumm.

Life with Static Girl: I took her on a tour of the fitness center; she's going to join for a month. I bought her some pretty green wrist weights to use in her exercise program...She makes the best vegan chocolate cake ever; my 5-month-late birthday cake was excellent!..You should (but never will) see her model my old black + green "Big Slow Wreck" t-shirt--it's almost like the shirt was designed to drape off of her stunning torso, and just barely cover her buns; DAMN she is fine!..She says that it makes her feel "tired" when I tell her about all the house-cleaning I do on my days off...When I sense that she wants to exit the room she is in with me, I suddenly command her to 'go away now'--which allows her to leave quietly and without any awkwardness on her part. She really appreciates that--you people wouldn't understand...We're signed up for "worm school" on a Saturday in mid-March; we'll be managing and pimping out wormlets by April...Where does the sugar go? Turns out that my girflriend puts 3 or 4 spoons of it in each cup of her coffee...Hugs are okay, but my girlfriend does not like kisses so much. So I'll grab her foot, and tell her to wiggle her toes; when she does--that's almost as good as a kiss...Static Girl is now hooked on my Clif bars--she loves the ones with chocolate; I am very happy to have added a new food to her life!..She is the slightly weak and watery lentil soup she makes, and I am my own garlic rice pot with yellow hominy and dark red kidney beans; together we are delicious. (I might even say that we were made for each other. Awww)...She took pretty good care of my whiney ass when I was sick for a week...My thin, curvey, yum-yum girlfriend naturally looks "smart"; it's one of her most attractive feratures, and NO other girl on the planet can pull it off like she can...Just a reminder; my insanely awesome girlfriend can solve 2 different types of Rubik's cubes. Can your sissy girlfriend solve 2 Rubik's cubes? I bet she can't...

The guinea pig likes to stay under the tent, in her sleeping position, and enjoy treats. I call these treats "Knapsnacks" and sing "Thursday Side of the Street" to her...Then I invented the "raised tent" for her, and she loves to sit right there and chew on the fake carrots.

My FCP has this for me: She's still crazy about me--no, I don't know why.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Some Congressman, I'll get his name--he's my new hero, said that 'incapable parents should be sterilized'...Exxon made a $39.5 billion profit last year; does this bother anybody?..According to a recent study, a "living wage" job in Oregon would have to pay $11.38 an hour to a single person; so I have NEVER had a living wage job--anywhere! Nice...Maine was the first state to shut down the idea of a USID card with the RFID implant, but the government plan (still) is to have us all using them by May 2008; look for another scary "terrorist attack" (or something) by April 2008 at the latest...Chrysler is cutting 13,000 jobs in Detroit; yawn...In 2005, over 800,000 Americans were arrested on marijuana charges; costing taxpayers over $1.4 billion...Only 36% of Americans have tattoos? My ass. Do that survey for people under age 50--it'll be over 60%...In the local paper, there was a front page story about how "recycling" isn't getting the world saved--this goes along with my personal understanding of recycling, and the fact that our own government does NOT promote or require recycling...

A thought to take with you: "Nothing in nature is exhausted in its first use."--Ralph Waldo Emerson (Recycling)

Sometimes great thoughts can come from drunks in bars; and THIS time it was not actually MY thought. I helped the drunk guy shorten the wording down to:
'Men exist to give women somebody else to blame shit on.'

"In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation."--Prince Philip (and when Phil's not looking, I'm going to steal this quote and use it myself)

"Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream."--Roger Waters

Band names: Terrorist Attack, Fake Carrots, Blind Driver,





SIDEBAR 96


April 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: I've never mentioned him, and therefore have not been sued by him yet; but Dan Savage rocks! I have enjoyed his perspective for years, and our local "Flagpole" weekly magazine now carries his column. He even paid his own way, came and spoke up here one week in March; I hope somebody bought him a beer...Remember in the 80's when Eddie Van Halen was the cutest guy in the world? I saw a picture of him in the newspaper recently while he was declining to be present at his HOF induction, and he looks like a 70 yr. old woman with dentures. I wouldn't go to the Hall of Fame like that either. Yo Eddie; go get some cosmetic help...Reading? Read my hairy White ass. I read an auto review in the newspaper; there's a new Ford station wagon that only costs $51K; wow, soccer moms are getting expensive...

Watching: "Which of these stories will you be talking about tomorrow?" "Pardon the interruption, but I'm..."...Fuse has a new sketch comedy show "The Whitest Kids You Know" that I will be watching and critiquing. Wow; that's a fun, edgey show, and I love it. Did you see the commercial for it during PTI? Have you seen this "Fuse" channel yet? They have lots of music shows, and many bands promote albums with 30 second commercials--like the new Modest Mouse...
On Countdown I learned about the "West Virgina" victory t-shirts that the players actually wore--on tv! Ha! I saw a new crop circle video done to Pink Floyd music--that shows some promise...According to the new reports, humans should have obvious alien contact before April 2007; that gives them 13 more days...Robot Chicken still rocks!
Class Projects: Static Girl watched Little Miss Sunshine with me; she liked it...I watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (C),

Watching and Hearing: Are you kidding? I got the new NIN DVD "Beside You In Time" the day it came out (2-27). I first listened to it while cooking on 3-2-07; very nice. I play it while I cook/clean on Fridays. The live, video version of "Right Where It Belongs" is amazing; it gives me chills...I was smart to wait for the new David Gilmour; now the "On An Island" release has a DVD bonus disc. I ordered one from CDWorld, and got it in 3 days...There's a new ESPN promo that has Geddy Lee scream-singing in it...I got another e-mail with video links for Dream Life Misery; they actually pull off "Fascination Street" in a way that does not make this Cure fan cringe, and THAT is impressive. (Still working on my full review of "Over The Wire", and I did figure out that "Enemy" would be the first single. It's still too early for the cover of Spin; give 'em a few more months.)Remember when watching and hearing was all about the music used in tv promos? Did anybody else hear the Violent Femmes in the coverage of that St. Pete Indy Car race?

Hearing: With each listen, the latest Dream Life Misery CD "Over the Wire" keeps getting better and better. And no, I will not burn you a copy of it. Seriously; buy it at CDBaby and listen to it 30 times like I have--you cheap bastard. It hasn't come out of my CD drive for 7 weeks...The new David Gilmour is pretty amazing, too. Crumb's 'Seconds...' sits in my other CD drive.
New on the radio: (Woke up to it one morning:) "Survivalism" is the new NIN single, from the impending "Year Zero" concept CD to be released 4-16-07...Is that--that's a new Modest Mouse song! (Then I saw their commercial on Fuse. Then I saw their blurb in the new CDWorld paper.)...From AZ, Roger Clyne has a new release later this month...Not new; but I heard Ween's "A Tear for Eddie" on a local radio station up here--it's the first time I've heard somebody other than me play that song on the radio. (Wow; Eddie Van Halen gets 2 mentions this month.)` The same station played 10,000 Maniacs that same hour; somebody was bending the rules--and I respect that...On the drive to work one morning; 2 stations: One played Offspring into Ozzy, and the other played NIN into Nugent. Combining classic rock with new rock; I'd like to say "Ha!". This is the shit that I got in trouble for doing 12 years ago; now it's standard operating procedure. I was "decades" ahead of my time. Do they still call this shit "Active Rock"? Fine; but it was 5 or 6 nights a week with the Overnight Guy for years before it was this active rock nonsense...the new Chevelle is pretty good...The song that sounds like a fast version of St. Elmo's Fire is a new 3 Days Grace tune...Rush is touring this July--don't know how I feel about that.
Musical Purchases this month: From CDWorld; it was Tuesday, 2-27-07 that the new NIN DVD came out. I took my 2nd completed stamp book to CDWorld, and was able to buy this new incredible DVD for only $1 extra. Would you pay a buck for a new Trent DVD? I bet you would...Would you pay $21 for a new David Gilmour CD/DVD combo?
Out and About: Pearl Jam at Wal-Mart, Dido at Cash King, Jackson Browne and old Goo at Safeway, then Phil Collins and Coldplay at Safeway. My first Safeway repeat! On 3-16, at Safeway I heard George Thoroughgood and Depeche Mode (making "Enjoy the Silence" my first repeat), Fleetwood Mac at Dollar Tree, Argent in the cafeteria at work. Neil Young, Elvis Costello and the Church at the dentist...
Singing: Dream Life Misery's "I Don't Know" (3), "Low" (4)and "The Enemy" (6); which is weird, because I didn't know I liked 'Enemy' that much. Monster Magnet's version of "Black Celebration", Crumb's "Not Again". 2 Violent Femmes songs wander in and out of focus. I sing "Green Eyed Lady" just to stir things up. And; we are the sultans of swing.

What I want today: A double-sized Mason Jar full of chronic weed; hey, I can fuckin' dream if I want to!

New stuff this month or so: I'm trying to plan a vacation for me and my Mom together; kill me now...Worm School Graduates we are! Worms are wiggling in our kitchen as I type this right now; I donate my banana peels to them...Our neighborhood Burger Burger was "Close For Remodeling" for a month, but now it's back. Our neighborhood Carl's Jr now has the entire Green Burrito menu--like our Carl's Jr. in Phoenix did; sweet. And our primary nudey bar of the neighborhood got torn down; it will soon be a brand new nudey bar built in the same spot...Simply Green cleaner; it took 2 trips to Safeway to get it right, but now we will never have to buy cleaning supplies again; I think I can make 50 gallons of earth-friendly cleaner now.

This Month at the Dollar Tree: I should probably go make an appearance. Yes! Mouthwash and caramel Kit Kat bars.

Occupational Hazards: One of my co-workers got the security escort out of the building, and then all his desk stuff got boxed up and taken away. Who knew I would not be one of the first 3 to get canned?..Have I mentioned that our team mascot is the proverbial comedic rubber chicken, and that (in house) I have named us "The Super Chickens"?..I park in the employee parking lot, hundreds of yards from the building; on one rainy day there were 6 cars illegally parked in guest parking and carpool spots. It led to a big, pissy company e-mail. Cheating like that--I say tow 'em all; I walk in the rain...After work one night I got into Gus, and it smelled like really good weed; really good. Are people breaking into my vehicle, getting high, and then leaving? If so, then...uh, thanks! And, could you leave a little bit for me next time? I've been dry for months here...So it turns out that my supervisor can monitor me whenever he wants to--silently. All the cussing I do, all the snideness and sarcasm--he hears much of it. He tells me to 'keep being me'. Turns out that I entertain my supervisor, and make him laugh. Who knew?..I talked to a guy who drinks a 12-pack of Mountain Dew per day; between him, and my boss drinking 5 liters a day, I do not have a Mountain Dew problem. I drink a liter of both coffee and Dew per day--I'm a lightweight...One day I chewed my thumb till it bled. The first thing I did was to start dreaming up excuses why my thumb would be bleeding--if anybody were to ask. I am my own abusive relationship...

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: My great Wrangler shoes died; I walked a hole right through the sole. So I went back and bought some new silvery Nevados to workout in; I'm cool. Then I got some arch support insoles for them, too. Nice...Narrowing the nuggets down to bite-sized bits; I am your White Trash Compactor...A conversation with pinball student J; he said that he rarely gets pinball high scores--he's only had the high score on ONE pinball machine, ever. And I realized that I've had the high score on almost every pinball machine I've ever played--and both current ones...After the volunteer firemen, and the Red Cross, I said there would be no more donations. Yes; I lied again. I sent beer and pizza money to the National Police and Trooper's Association...Now that I'm in my 40's, it's going to be harder to pick up high school chicks. I smile at them, but they just laugh at me now...Remember the last car wreck, and the bad right shoulder pain? Right; so we sleep on the left shoulder. Now the left shoulder hurts more than the right shoulder ever did! Back to visualizing happy little muscles loosening, yes; but how the fuck am I supposed to sleep? Face down in a puddle of my own drool?..I saw myself on videotape. Gross! I have this huge, ugly head; with what is not a sexy bald spot. And a "moose" face. I'm certainly not attractive, but (luckily) most other guys are even more disgusting...After a few beers at home one night, it was bedtime, and I was 'Too Drunk to Brush my Teeth'; sung to Buddy Guy's "Too Broke To Spend the Night"...You know you're getting old when; instead of stealing screens from the sink faucets to smoke pot through--you know you have much better screens in your old stash box, so you actually steal screens from your stash to put in the kitchen faucet...3-8, 3-9, and 3-10-07; 3 days of pinball and arm pain. One of the surveys I did in February had a question about what I do when the time changes. Here's what I did with the 3-10 time change; I fucking whiffed it; completely forgot! Went to work an hour late, missed a workout, and felt really dumb--it's like I'd been playing pinball for 3 days...Had a dream where I was hitting the snooze button for hours, then I woke up to the snooze button, and it was an hour earlier than the last part of my dream; so I GAINED an hour of snooze button boogie that day--it's like I was hitting the snooze button for 6 hours...3-16-07; a Friday after Blues Jam had me going back to play pinball. A 2-player game had player 1 scoring 4.852 billion which was very good. Player 2 scored a 5.148 billion game; both scores registered. I now have all 5 high scores on their Dirty Harry pinball; perhaps it was only a matter of time...Death in the family: my Krys-Moose glass from 1980 finally suffered a career-ending injury. He will be missed...Oil patch on the bridge of my nose; I stabbed it. It fucked up my sinuses and tear ducts, created sneeze attacks, and totally screwed with the internal implant; mood-altering, mind-altering, and really creepy. Do all aliens hate these human noses? I hate mine...

New foods this month: NEW STEWP! My idea was to create a warm, chickeny vegetable dish; all 4 food groups, maybe. But to make it with fake chicken, so that my girlfriend could like it, too. It wound up as a mushroomy, carrot, fake chicken STEWP, and it was excellent...I still brew the best green tea ever...I've been eating that natural cereal a couple of mornings a week; it's very good, and gives me lots of gas, too. Bonus!..My lunches with the fake burger sandwiches are going well..."3 Days in the Bowl"; starts with all veggies (cooking rice in the leftover asparagus/carrots broth), day 2 is where hominy and kidney beans are added, day 3 will introduce the crumbles and burger patties...Beer bread! Static Girl's family bought me a pan and a box of mix to make bread with, and I made it on 3-10 with some of my new brew. This "new brew", Wild Hop Lager (by Green Valley Brewing, CA), is made from organic barley, and it is delicious! Seriously; I've bought a case of it now...New foods; I went and got a yummy burrito at the new burrito stand by the storage units near CDWorld; so I got to eat a great burrito and listen to Internal Chaos have band practice; fucking sweet...Static Girl made some little tofu patties that look like granola bars. They're small, but tasty.

This month at the Blues Jam bar: My 11th Blues Jam was on 3-1-07; I love Blues Jam...My 12th Blues Jam was 3-8-07; the bar was almost empty. I yell louder than the 2 guitarists can play; the musicians say they want to clone me. They played "Speaker Monkey" just for me...3-15-07; my 13th Blues Jam was very nice. On 3-16 we went back to kill pinball...My 14th Blues Jam was 3-22-07, and it was excellent. I love Blues Jam. Went back the next night and the bar had another band playing. Should we try for 3 days in a row? Okay; we did that; 4 out of 5 days in a row--they love me...3-29 was my 15th Blues Jam. Mark the Harp says I need to check out Wednesday night jams at another nearby bar.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Paging God; clean-up on this scabbing, micro-dotted 3rd rock from the sun here. Pick a spot and start "cleansing".

What's different here than in college town: Near college town; congrads to that (former) truck driver Mr. N in Georgia who won half of the big lottery, and took the $116 million in cash...When the local public radio station up here needs money, they fundraise and sell cool shit. This month KRVM sold off a guitar signed by Jackson Browne, Steve Earle and Keb Mo; nice.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: When I was in Georgia, Keith Tkachuk was playing hockey in AZ; now he's playing hockey in GA; we both left Arizona...Politics! Union City, OR has an 18 yr. old mayor; Kyle Corbin. He's a college kid, he pumps gas, and he's mayor.

Life with Static Girl: On the incredible 3-2-07, in a bid for great timing; Static Girl came home to hear her favorite NIN song playing live on the tv--she was quite impressed. Later, after dinner and a movie, she would thank me for a lovely evening; ha!..She updates my computer, managed the shift to my new domain, and maintains it all with speed and grace..."Take the filter off the kitchen faucet." When I need to know something, or if I need to do something, she tells me directly; BANG! ONE sentence, and she's done. No wasted words or 'blah blah'. It's beautiful; I don't think other girls even KNOW how to talk like that...I don't mind shopping; I examine blocked and bluffed shelves, critique displays, and check to see if stock is rotated. I lollygag; sometimes I even "browse". My girlfriend does NONE of these things. She shops for the exact items on her list, quickly and quietly, heads to the shortest checkout line, then comes directly home. My girlfriend does all of her "browsing" online, thank you very much...Loving green tea, and brewing it myself (well), I bought Static Girl a bottle of Sobe Green Tea. She tried it and said "Ick!" Rather than explain the health benefits of green tea, and rather than trying to change her mind, I have now dropped the subject. Hey; she tried it--that's all I asked her to do. My new attitude is: "More Green Tea for me", and, she's good with that; look at how well we get along here...My girlfriend is clean and tidy--possibly the neatest person ever; not only the best girlfriend, but also the best roommate, too. Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!..Years ago Static Girl taught me to not waste water while I brush my teeth; I have since added that same logic to shaving--no excess running water. I am ALL the kid she will ever need--because I allow her input to determine my approach, and I accept that she does know more than I do on most subjects. How about another one? Static Girl says that I do pretty well when I'm on time, but that I freak out when I am "rushed". She is absolutely correct--too many examples to mention. So I am trying to avoid being rushed now...We moved here 2 years ago with a box of Little Debbie "Star Crunches"; a small food item from my radio days. The box was sent to us by my FCP while we were still in AZ; I'd been waiting for my girlfriend to eat them--she's been waiting for me to eat them. So I took them to work--where they were devoured by my team before lunch one day...Static Girl is comfortably appreciative, but apathetic to my attention, affection and alliteration...She says that I am her social buffer; and she really likes that...No longer just happy being HER best boyfriend, I am now trying to be one of the 10 greatest boyfriends ever; cooking, cleaning, worshipping her body, writing for her, respecting her privacy, and bragging about her to anyone who will listen--I should be one of the 10 best boyfriends ever...We walk through the park together and sing "Another One Bites The Dust"; it's very romantic...The sandwich metaphor; we are one of the incredible sandwiches I make. Static Girl bread, and simple ingredients that work so well together; we are very impressive. Nobody could have foreseen how well this would all fit together, and still be delicious!

My FCP has this for me: As she should have been; she was the first visitor to my new website, and the first recipient of a link to it. She is very much a pinnacle of good in this poisonous parking lot.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Marijuana is now the #1 agricultural commodity produced in the United States, with a harvest worth an estimated $36 billion, and no taxes collected. How dumb is our government at this point?..Coos County, OR; 70 inmates were released, 16 jail deputies and 9 patrol deputies were let go. There's just no money to keep the jail running--but the higher-paid administrators (and their pensions) are safe...Tragedy you may not have heard about: A pilot guy in Indianapolis abducted his 8 yr. old daughter from his ex-wife, took the daughter up in his airplane, then crashed the plane into the ex-wife's mother's house--killing the pilot and his daughter...Bill Gates is now worth $56 billion; but the charities are still calling ME and begging for some of MY $8 an hour; fuck them...Chocolate-covered (edible) RFID chips for the kiddies; I WISH I was making this up...Lunar Shuffling: Again! NASA did finally admit to "re-filming" the lunar landings from 1969--shot in a movie studio, and everything. This was last year; did anybody else catch that? Yawn...The human race will need to be relocated to a new planet--kind of like what I've been saying all along...It's news! From the school in our neighborhood, a 25 yr. old male teacher was fired for inappropriately touching a few 17 yr. old girls. So; is heterosexuality inappropriate now?..San Francisco is banning those plastic grocery bags; good.

A thought to take with you: "In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous."--Aristotle

Bumper sticker at Dollar Tree: "If you're going to ride my ass, then at least pull my hair."

Checked Out; no James Brown or Anna Nicole Smith comments. In a story you probably missed; 49 yr. old comedian Richard Jeni was shot/shot himself in the head; dead in the presence of his girlfriend--of course SHE'S going to say he shot himself--but she's still alive, isn't she?..

Band names: Sexy Bald Spot, Fake Burger Sandwiches, Toxic Leftovers, White Trash Compactor, Worm School Graduates, Brand New Nudey Bar





SIDEBAR 97

May 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: I read that the best corporate citizen (as in: the company that does the most for the environment, their community, and their employees) is Green Mountain Coffee Roasters in Vermont. And in a totally unrelated article, I read that Vermont again wants to secede from the U. S.. Go Vermont!..Etherzone told about the Red Chinese cannibals; Chinese girls are still shitting out babies left and right--that's just how women are; but since couples are only allowed ONE child now, the little girl babies get cooked and eaten. And you idiots called me 'sick'. Hey! I'm not sick; I'm a God-Damned visionary--remember that...

Watching: I AM Dr. Perry Cox on Scrubs; you DO know that, right?..The Shield came back on FX; yay...FUSE channel; 3 episodes in, 4 now, and "The Whitest Kids You Know" is so far out there that I just want to eat it. The main guy; is his name Trevor Moore? He's like me--15 years ago, but even better. He is fucking incredible...Have you seen Lewis Black on Broadway? That's possibly the best Lewis Black yet.

Class Projects: "Exorcist: The Beginning"; ehhh. "Hoot"; another ehhh. I want another hack-and-slice, dead naked teenage girls spraying blood in a shower movie. Am I asking too fucking much here? Apparently. So desperate, I am, to be entertained; I re-watched the X-Files movie.

Watching and Hearing: I like that Rick Wright is also "On An Island" with the new David Gilmour DVD...On You Tube, maybe, I saw some guy had done a tribute song to Zach Braff (Scrubs), and it was actually very good.

Hearing: Old NIN, and new NIN. And the new NIN inspired me to find some of my old Jesus Jones, and Jon Spencer Blues Explosion.
New on the radio; Have you heard Hellyeah? There's a good reason they sound like Pantera crossed with Mudvayne--and more...Public radio; heard some new REM on a Darfur compilation, also heard some more of that Oregon band Rye Hollow--they sound fantastic, and we heard some good new Josh Ritter, too...'In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey': How about one Friday afternoon (4-20); we heard 3 different Beck songs on 3 different radio stations, all in 1 hour's time; cool. Beck in Bleck; 'kill the headlights and put it in neutral'...On the decent morning show I heard that CD's will going the way of vinyl records and dinosaurs; 10,000 songs can now be stored in the space of a quarter of a jewel case. Who the fuck wants that, anyway?..My favorite radio song right now is the new Papa Roach "Forever"
Musical Purchases this month: Duh. New NIN came out on 4-17. I picked it up before work on 4-18, took it to work, sat it in front of me, stared at it all day and mumbled 'mine mine mine mine'. Later I may do the same thing with a picture of my girlfriend, but today we did it with the new "Year Zero" Trent CD. The reviewing process will begin this weekend--maybe. I need to get some more Rye Hollow, and another used Violent Femmes CD, too. I'm just thinking out loud here.
Out and About: Styx, Skynyrd and live Pink Floyd at the dentist. Hall and Oats at Cash King, later we heard ABC and Matchbox 20 at Cash King; Boston and the Scorpions at Safeway,
Singing: The guinea pig and I both love to sing "Twilight Zone"; but she does NOT help with Offspring's "Pretty Fly For A White Guy"; I'm singing "Victim of Love" by BOTH the Cars and the Eagles, and "Cruiser" by the Cars, Crumb's "Month To Month Apt." and "Not Again" again, Running Down a Dream, the "Love Boat" theme, Blink 182's "Dammit" again, Butthole Surfers, we won't be singing "Hash Pipe" at work anymore, Garbage' "Why Do You Love Me?", Yes' "Leave It", Deep Purple's "Space Truckin'" (which is weird because that's not even in my top 10 favorite Deep Purple songs), (Family Guy fans unite:) "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time; Peanut Butter Jelly Time; Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat..."

What I want today: In keeping with trying to save this pathetic planet (why bother?), I would like to see/have/own a permanent razor, Some kind of shaver with blades that last 20 years; titanium, maybe, or liquid alien metal. Kevlar? Fuck if I know, okay? As your current God-Damned visionary, I'm just saying that 200 million disposable razors are not lowering the levels at your local landfill. 100 billion plastic bags per year being trashed are also not helping your landfill. 9,000 tractor trailer loads full of dispoable wipes per year are not helping either. Fuck you, anyway; all I wanted was a new shaver...I would love some pure crystal mescalline, a trash bag full of kind bud, and a mattress made of mushrooms. Mushroom Mattress; now that's a band name! Shit--I'm early.

New stuff this month or so: Saturday Market! Other people may care about baseball season and those steroid fruitcakes in it, but we've got Saturday Market starting back up...This month? Remember folks; it's not just hockey, it's playoff hockey...And; fucking McDonalds is now selling yesterday's coffee cold. Again I'm a God-Damned visionary.

This Month at the Dollar Tree: Actually; this first update is from Cash King. They have the "Ginsu 2000" knives, airtight little jar thingies, my Nag Champa incense for $1, and great discount chocolate.

Occupational Hazards: I had a few crappy days in a row, and then one day I felt better and had a better attitude. I e-mailed my girlfriend to tell her I was having a "more gooder" day, and now "more gooder" is a standard term for describing things. What could be more gooder than that?..I write at work; go through at least a centimeter of ink per day. A new pen lasts about a week; no wonder I have no real urge to write at home...My company is doing a food drive; bring in cans of food for the poor and stupid people. I'll take some cans, sure, but there's PLENTY of food in the world. The problem we have is that there are too many people, okay? Just so we're clear on that. Can we put some birth control in the bins with those cans of food? (They said 'no'; and I like my company, but if we just keep feeding them, then they will just keep breeding them. They have no ethics. Speaking of:)...Ethics training; ask yourself 'Would I be perfectly okay with somebody doing that to me?'. I have so many things to say here...Self-preservation forces us all to do different things in different ways than the intended answers to standardized test questions; but for God's sake don't tell your boss that. Oops...Speaking of "oops", I got written up at work for singing Weezer's "Hash Pipe"; did you know that by singing it I am 'promoting illegal activity on company property'? Maybe I should sing some rap music instead...Do it now! Back to work! (motivational self-help doo dads)...My company is the #1 user of bio-diesel fuel in North America...Hippie chick co-worker loaned me a copy of "Slaughterhouse 5"...Is it April of 2007? Our hold music at work STILL talks about things that are going to happen in June, 2006...4-23-07; a gorgeous day of 65 degrees, sunny and slightly breezy. And here I am at work for 9.5 hours.

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: After 2 weeks of not working out--but watching what I eat, I went back and hit the gym. I'm under 206; cool. My girlfriend calls me "svelte"; luckily I have a dictionary for the big words she uses on me...We've been trying to think of a good name for our Worm Hotel; I have put some serious "efrt" into this. But then while sitting and holding hands with my girl on the warped tour, I came up with "Wiggle Room"; the buffet and sex orgy disco for our worms. Thank you...I weighed 203 on 4-10-07; that's really good for me...Got the lower right quadrant dental work done--which is good, but the precarious chewing makes me bite my lower lip when I eat. Ouch...Blues Jam's "Speaker Monkey" sounds a little like Skynyrd's "I Ain't The One"; and why don't they play "The Breeze" at Blues Jam? Deep Purple's "Lazy"?..Along with my completely wrecked right arm from pinball, and writing all day at work--why would I write at home?..By 4-17, my Dirty Harry pinball machine was finally serviced; and it's faster than ever. So now it's harder, quicker, more bouncey, and I am the ONLY person who can win games on it--much less score 4 billion. Thank you...I live near a high school now; that's probably both good and bad. One evening I saw a girls soccer game being played; there were about 20 total people on one sideline, and NOT ONE person in the stands. So that means: NO family members of the players watching, no friends/boyfriends of the players watching, and not even one local pervert (like me) to enjoy the display. Fascinating, huh?..On another day I saw a skinny girl throwing frisbee with 2 boys, and she had great form. She was throwing 50 yards with ease; which I don't think I've ever seen any woman do before. And this was a young girl; probably 14 or so, maybe 90 lbs. I was impressed...Put an ashtray out front of the apartment, and then envisioned spilling bong water in it...Zits! I got a new oil patch on the other side of my nose; it oozed for a week. Then I got this deep underground lake of grease under my chin--it's still a wreck. 24 years later I have a new "pizza face"!..I was pretty sure that the small vaccum wasn't providing enough suction to pick up a 16 lb. bowling ball, so I replaced the bag, and now it's back to being the best small vaccum ever!..4-24-07; after a medium workout I weighed 202.6; that's pretty impressive...I want t-shirts that say "Baby Seal" so I can start my own Baby Seal Club...I keep biting my swollen lower lip everyday, and I'm going to have to kill somebody...I'm pretty sure I have achieved permanent wrist damage from Dirty Harry pinball; I can barely write, and typing hurts, too. Was it worth it? Definitely...A miilion-dollar idea given away for free--do it: Bong-Water Hydroponics; let's grow some food!..

New foods this month: Serrano peppers are back in my lunch life! They're smaller, and give more bang for the buck than jalapenos. They also burn the shit out of my bitten bloody, swollen lower lip...The seasoned fake chicken strips are pretty tasty--if you like wet cardboard; I do.

This month at Blues Jam: 4-5-07 was my 16th Blues Jam; I yelled loud, and they all played for me. Friday 4-6 there was another good band playing (Skip Jones); I yelled loud, and they all played for me. 4-12-07 was my 17th Blues Jam, the best one ever, and I did it all. The problem was the next day hangover...4-19-07, Jam #18 for me; I walked in, I fucking walked in, and they immediately played Speaker Monkey for me--while the Stars/Canucks scoreless overtime hockey game (5) played on 2 tv's above; I was entertained, and this was definitely the best Jam ever (well, the best one without my main harp player, because my drummer/pinball student Jim came back this week)...4-26-07, my 19th Blues Jam, my main harp guy was back--though my favorite guitar player was out, and they played a new top 5 song "Bad Luck" (perhaps that's "Born Under A Bad Sign" by Cream), and a very short Speaker Monkey.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I have new reasons to believe that God is not really paying attention to us down here anymore...Many of MY old arguments against the existence of God are now being used by this new group of neo-nazi, passionate atheists. I don't know how I feel about that...

What's different here than in college town: Former star quarterback here, Joey Harrington, is now Vick's back up in Atlanta--good luck down there...Peter Buck played a concert up here with Robyn Hitchcock; I found out about it a day late...Panic came to town--missed them, too.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: The Cascade Candle Company is in our neighborhood; a family-owned business that makes a common product I love and need. I will be buying many candles there...Remember when Arizona wanted to start charging us more on our electric bill to use solar power? I said 'no' because solar power is what Arizona should be using. The power company here wants to charge us more to use wind power, and I said 'no' again, because the power company has train cars full of money. Fuck them, and fuck the wind we should be utilizing up here. Wind farms are cheap, and they're already being used; what exactly do WE need to pay for? All of my co-workers agree with me, and now my girlfriend does, too. Speaking of:

Life with Static Girl: You should be thanking her, too; she's the only reason you idiots are still alive...Took her to get a new clock/radio/CD player that she can take to work; she likes me...She borrowed my desk lamp (for artistic purposes) to create the beautiful sign that says "wiggle room" on our worm garden...She has the best butt ever, the "magic lamp", and still the softest skin; I could do a whole tribute to her attributes, with similarly simple similes and elated alliteration--hmmm...If she talked, she might say that I'm the best boyfriend and roommate ever; but I am here to make sure that she does not have to talk to you. "Monday night I use both vaccums; Wednesday night I clean both bathrooms, Friday night I make the kitchen clean." She calls me "clever"...If I'm in the kitchen, and see her coming into the kitchen, I'll rip open the door of the fridge and grab one of my 2-liter bottles, open it and start drinking right from the bottle. And I'll get right in her face, I'll even lick the neck of the bottle, and she still says nothing--she says she can't even see me...Remember; "Get away from me!" is actually HER line (from a kitchen experience in Phoenix)--even though I use it more. And; "Go away now." is my command to her when I sense that she wants to leave my presence...Girlfriend has challenged me to read past page 11 of my new book; it'll be tough, but I think I can get there; page 16 on my first day...She's like a guy: In a closet, I found a pile of her laundry 3 feet high, with the closet door shut--so you can't see how high the pile is. I used to do that, too; maybe every guy has...Alien Goddess; you should see her in my dark blue Hard Rock Miami shirt, and panties. I'm not even going to waste space trying to explain how good she looks in it. Yum...She got a shower timer; a five-minute hourglass to remind you to not waste water. It's boring and evil--she agrees. I suggested ELO's long version of "Fire On High" if she wants a shower timer; it's 5:29, and much more entertaining. Better still is a shower to Orbit's "Bicycle Song" at 5:32, but now I'm just showing off...She has run out of the incredible hemp lotion, and is now using the back-up lavender lotion--which is still good, but we need more hemp!..In an e-mail to her on my day of weighing 202.6, more svelter, I came up with "Helter Svelter"...In our garden, which is more like her garden, we have Iris and parsley. I am not allowed to pee, puke or pour bong water in the garden. Booo...She made more yummy lentil soup; I think it lasted 3 days this time. More hemp, and more lentil soup! Somebody should be writing this down.

My FCP has this for me: She sends me great e-mail reminders of how lucky I am to be in my current situation. I need that sometimes. She's fantastic.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: NBA star Stephon Marbury has his line of shoes, Starburys, that sell for $15 a pair. I respect that...Some fucking train went 357 mph; you won't be seeing me on that train...The state of Vermont wants to secede, again. If they are successful, then I may move there...Don Imus was fired for (foolishly) using the (Black) descriptive term 'nappy headed ho's'...If all the money in the world were divided up equally, we would all have over $1.2 million; so I am done donating $ to charities...Text messaging and constant e-mails; people are now saying nothing to each other faster and more frequently than ever; have fun with that...I heard about "The Uncruise"; paying to go on a cargo ship--to be quiet and alone; read books, or write books; keep yourself entertained for weeks at a time. Solitude and simplicity. I've always wanted to do that; in fact, I'm a God-Damned visionary--4 times in this one Sidebar alone (cannibals, cold coffee, steel shaver, and ship seclusion; you people should pay me more)...Some Australian guy developed an engine that runs on sea water; so (of course) he died/was killed immediately, and his patent disappeared. Yawn...Americans average only 7 hours of sleep per night. Wow; I don't remember the last time I got 7 hours of sleep in 1 night (thanks to this story, I did it twice in April). 3 hours in a row is a pretty good night for me...Homeless? There's this lady here in Oregon who makes $9 an hour, which is more than I make, but she cannot afford rent. She gets food stamps, discounted public housing, and half-billed electricity. This dumb bitch needs a roommate. Maybe I should cook my own books better, and get me some more government aid...Bye bye honeybees! They call it "colony collapse disorder" in 24 states, but it's really just the bees' way of saying 'Enough of this shit.'...Saving the planet; ha--you can't, but IF you could, it would start with a relocalization of the economy...An UNlocalized economy is one that imports cheap items from China--perhaps you have heard of the pet food ingredient dilemma. Enjoy it before it becomes the people-food dilemma, because that same cheap skeletal structure of the food chain for pets is also for humans. How dumb do YOU have to be to not see the impending people food crisis? Never mind; go back to watching Idol.

A thought to take with you: "Do not be afraid. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch."--Pope John Paul II

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but also the parent of all others."--Cicero

"Fix the problem, not the blame"--Japanese proverb

"Some people are just meant to have problems."--Me me me me; W. C. Davis, which makes this an Overnight Guy proverb

Band names: Crystallized Mescaline, Artistic Purposes, Ethical Dilemma, Vick's Back Up, Bong Water Ashtray, Five Minute Hourglass, Baby Seal Club





SIDEBAR 98

June 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: Yeah, so I will be finished with Slaughterhouse 5 before May 15th. Yes! What a great book! Now I want another one about cannibalism, or at least population control. I'll need a book for my June travels.

Watching: HBO's Real Time with Bill; did you see Dusty from ZZ Top on that episode of Bones? Whitest Kids You Know rocks; 'Ask your Dr. about suicide.'. I worked during the Indy 500, and didn't get it all recorded with the rain delay. Marco (my boy) ran great all day, but couldn't close the deal.

Class Projects: Watched most of the animated "Dinosaurs" (2000) with my girl. Static Girl and I need to watch more 'save ther earth' shit.

Watching and Hearing: NIN on CSI, Violent Femmes on both a Wendy's commercial and Indy 500 coverage.

Hearing: On the 'Native Noise' local music show Sunday night I heard an Oregon band named Alter Ego (punk rock?); must learn more about them...The Ingredients play at CDWorld Sat. 6-2 at 3 pm; might have to slide in there...Late at night I like my 50 Foot Wave sessions...So I've been playing Three Penny Needle and both Dream Life Misery CD's like crazy. And the point is? Yes; the fucking point is that: the 2004 Dream Life Misery CD "Closest Line Theory" came from 'out of nowhere', and it's incredible! I was all trip-hopping on Crystal Method and Caviar in mid-2004, and getting ready for the move out of the ashtray that is Arizona. Did I give enough credit to the boys in the band? I can listen to DLM everyday. I just listened to the whole CD twice in a row--and loved it; can you pay a better compliment than that?
New on the radio; Kenny Wayne Sheppard's "Tina Marie", heard some accoustic "Big Country" (23 years old). There's this new song that sounds totally like Smashing Pumpkins--but it's not, it's called "Lazy Eye". The funny twist is that new Smashing Pumpkins is coming out next month; yay. The new SP single "Tarantula" sounds really good, and may send me on a Pumpkins tear...Is that Beck (it's Beck, but is it new?) that sounds like an old Jeff Lynne tune? Nice...Cream is reuniting? Eric, Jack, and Ginger ride again? Disraeli Gear-shift me, baby!
Musical Purchases this month: I'm paying over $1200 for a MoM vacation in June. So: in trying to keep better track of my money now; no crazy CDWorld shopping therapy trips this month. Boo. I miss CDWorld.
Out and About: Queen and Stevie Wonder at the dentist, the 2nd trip in May was all soft rock; Air Supply and Carley Simon. I didn't puke, but I thought about it...90's at noon, heard at the Indoor Garden with 2 Static Women; REM, Violent Femmes, Depeche Mode and the Cult (sweet)...New Neil Young in the cafeteria at work (they want me to burn them a 90's disc), Foreigner at Safeway, Train and Gloria Estefan at Fred Meyer, then INXS on another Fred Meyer run with Static Girl. Hungover Matchbox 20 at the print-and-mail shop.
Singing: Men at Work's "Overkill", Whitest Kids You Know's "Get a new daddy" and "Wake up your neighbors", Toby Keith's "How Do You Like Me Now?", the Cars "Bye Bye Love" again, "Rainbow in the Dark"; Dio sings it, but is it Dio, or Rainbow? The Androids "Do It With Madonna", ZZ Top's "Cheap Sunglasses", Deftones "Change", Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" and "Not Now John", David Gilmour's "Cruise", Alice Cooper's "Poison", Queen's "Crazy Little Thing". It's May, and my brain scatters.

What I want today: Hopes? Dreams? Plans? I'm just trying to get through one day at a time here, asshole. Motions, baby! It's all about pretending like I give a fuck. Sometimes I don't even try. In orer to dissolve the planet I will need a large bottle of dissolvent. Wait; what were we talking about?..I want to turn my "misjudgement" theme into an epic screaming shit fit. What I want? Okay; I want to spread a little flavor.

New stuff this month or so: Couple of big things for me this month--and I'm not even going to put the pinball first! A 5 ft. 11 red/green "BankGirl" found me--she has to buy extra-long-legged jeans (hmmm); right now we just trade e-mails (dude; she's sent you all of 2 e-mails). And I'm moving toward having an at-work girlfriend (sure you are, stud), to go with my Tiny MySpace girlfriend (does Tiny even know about this?). I'm popular (of course you are; do Lacey Chabert and Danica Patrick still want you, too?). Speaking of, to hell with privacy--I have 2 pictures up at MySpace, and more coming. Maybe you can get to my Myspace from here, but you will not get TO here from there, ever. Maybe I'll put MyTube in Youspace, bitch...On that note, let's play pinball; I learned about Family Guy pinball a couple of months ago--I've been waiting for further details on it. Pre-production in February--not even a finished product yet; that's the last I heard. Then I went downtown and found Family Guy pinball at the Horsehead bar. Hello. They have dartboards, too--another story. On my 2nd game of F-Guy I earned the Grand Champion score of 95 million. Congrads to SethMac on 100 episodes of Family Guy, and the fantastic Family Guy pinball machine, plus American Dad. Seth kicks ass...Randy Moss is now a New England Patriot, and he is due for his final run at a Superbowl--good luck Randy!..

This Month at the Dollar Tree: I need to go check in. Oops, I never did.

Occupational Hazards: My company changed the name of a promotion. On an e-mail sent out to thousands of people, the new promotion included that this new promotion was "formally known as" (the old promotion). Not the intended "formerly", but "formally". Wow. And; our hold music STILL talks about things that will be happening later this year--in June, 2006. I (still) can't wait...30 video cameras monitor the parking lot; got it? So I'm parking one day, and I see this homeless guy on an old shoddy bike, rolling through the lot, looking for unlocked cars. I asked security if they knew about him, and they said 'no, that's the first we've heard of it'. I asked 'Who is watching those parking lot video cameras?', and they got all pissy with me. That's our crack security team--thank you...Took Static Girl and Static Mom on a tour of the place; girlfriend noticed that 50 computers in a training room were all on for no reason. I mentioned it to our IT department, and 2 days later my company is now implementing a new auto-off, frozen screen power-saver something or other for all our computers. Ask my girlfriend wtf it's called--she's the smart one who got it started; I'm just the announcer here...On a Sunday, I found some old, cold coffee still thermosed from Friday afternoon. 2 of my co-workers were in grossed-out awe as I nuked it in plastic for 3 minutes and then drank it with pride...I've been recognized twice now for doing customer service; yay me...

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I'm gonna put up the "Misjudgement" commentary. No...Along with the stated "misjudgement", and all of the details involved, I'm also going to stop volunteering information. Fuck talking to people--I'm just going to answer questions...My weight has now been consistent at 203 for 2 weeks--we'll take it! Then I weighed 200.6 on 5-17. With all of the long-stretching and exercises I'm doing, don't be surprised if I start growing taller again, too...Saving the world; my shopping lists are on cheat-note sized post-its (1.5 by 2 inch)...Went bowling for the 1st time this century; my first frame was a strike, and it was all crash-and-burn after that. My Dirty Harry Wrist does not like trying to hold a bowling ball. They printed out the game scores in dot matrix...One dental visit was fun; he rigged up some white paste stuff on a lower pointy tooth (yes, an incisor), and it gives me 3-colored teeth!..Thanks to my incredible girlfriend's excellent parents, Static Mom and Static Dad, we took TWO trips in TWO days: A Sunday out to the coast for more sea lions, and Florence; and then a Monday run to Crater Lake. I thought Crater Lake would be my homecoming; figured the aliens would abduct (or combust) me right on the spot. You know there're USO's popping in and out of there on a daily basis--we just can't see them. My head got sunburned, and my hands were frostbit from the snow. But it was a fun trip--I loved it! We also did a couple of short walks to see waterfalls; Clearwater, and Totekee. Nice...Friday 5-18; did some shopping with my own 2 fabric shopping bags--no plastic bags were added to the house.

New foods this month: We will be relocalizing our economy with food from nearby, traded fairly, and to benefit all. Continuing; Static Girl and Static Mom went to the Tuesday Market without me...Hippie chick at work turned me on to "jicama"; cool and crunchy--maybe it's a root...I cooked potatos in vegetable broth, then reused the broth to cook rice; I am amazing...Also made my first batch of Summer salad...The flies like bananas and apples--I cannot escape them!..I bought sandwich spinach and Walla Walla onions at Saturday Market.

This month at Blues Jam: First off, we have May 1st at the Blues Jam bar. On my 6th game of Dirty Harry pinball, I had a 1st ball where I completed every adventure on the machine--on the 1st first ball. That's a whole commentary--whenever I want it...May 3rd was my 20th Blues Jam. I had to miss the Emmylou Harris show, but it's not my problem she had to play here on a Thursday. I met angelic singer G.L., and she is a very nice lady...May 10th was my 21st Blues Jam; my guitar player was back (1 of 4 this night), both of my harp guys were there--we even had dueling keyboards; can your fucking bar do this? I don't think so...May 17th was my 22nd Blues Jam; all fun and games...May 24th, Jam # 23 for me. Didn't win any pinball, and I yelled too much...We'll do May 31st next month...

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Kurt V. was quoted as saying that (subquoted here) 'if there is a God, then He hates people'. I can certainly see how that thought gets formed...The whole "God's plan" vs. "free will" conflict has surfaced in my brain again; that was my primary problem in younger years--because you can pick either one, but you CANNOT have it both ways. Thank you. Solve this shit, and you solve the entire God dilemma once and for all. I don't mean to butt heads with God, again, but if He would just show some answers--or a little rath...How does a God-less government continue while claiming to operate in the shadow of God? That's my other question.

What's different here than in college town: I used to eat fudge pie back in Ga; now we just have the Umpqua ice cream version of "Ol' South Fudge Pie" up here. The "Tin Roof Sundae" is also excellent; that's local ice cream...I missed the 2nd Curtis Salgado benefit on a Sunday in late April...Mo's! On the coastal trip with the Static Family, we ate at the chowder house in Old Town Florence. I drank Half-E-Weizen, and ate some sole; sole food. Yum..."Good news/Bad news": Good news at the Crater Lake gift shop was how they sell large, reusable fabric Crater Lake shopping bags for $5. Bad news is that my gorgeous $8 Crater Lake coffee mug was made in China (wtf?)...At Sea Lion Caves I bought some canned hazelnuts from Colombia Empire Farms of Dundee, OR; yum. Oregon stuff is cool; how about the new "Willamette Brewery" which just started in 10-06? Lifelong Eugene residents (brothers Althouse) are now brewing beer for locals...The Shopko attached to our Safeway closed, so now the space is empty. MY idea is to put a westside Market of Choice beside Safeway, and do ALL the shopping from one parking place.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: The original man in Men at Work, Colin Hay, is playing an accoustic set up here. Remember when he sang on "Scrubs" 5 years ago? That IS the AZ link; we were in Phoenix when he sang on "Scrubs"...Cozmic Pizza up here now has vegetarian pepperoni (still too mild, but at least they're trying), and they deliver without boxes now. We ate it twice with Static Mom...Finally ate at Laughing Planet, too; that was good. Cafe Yumm is next...Got my 2nd parking ticket here in Oregon; $30 for being parked for 30 minutes in an empty parking lot downtown...Rush and Social Distortion are coming in July; I already missed the Fishbone concert...

Life with Static Girl: Just a reminder: From hip to floor my girl's legs are 39.5 inches...I asked her to make me some slightly smaller bread for my lunch sandwiches, and she did; yummy small bread. She also made some more of that lentil soup stuff; it's so good it was gone in 2 days...She slept wrong one night, and was all crinkled up the next day. I went to the store so I could surprise her with chocolate, almonds, and vitamin water. She appreciated it!..In an e-mail to her, I said that she had to feel better than blah, and she agreed...I turn leftovers into artistic masterpieces; ask her...On a whim, she made a batch of cornbread that was incredible...She verbally thanked me for a lovely evening--it wasn't even dark yet! She often leaves me thank-you notes in the morning...She came home one day and announced that we were going to go walk through a garden; that's a full round of "spontaneous activity" points for her. Nice, and way out of charcter...I will call hers a magnificent "Summer trim" that makes me giddy, and she got her hair cut short again, too...I blamed my girl for all the little flies in the world--it was funny...She loses the chocolate I buy for her, and then claims that I ate it. Then she finds the chocolate she lost, saying that I put it in the freezer, safely hiding it from the heat. She complains, more, about my compulsive neatness--even though it saved her chocolate...She left me a P.S. note, but did not leave me a main note; I was confused...I've never seen the guinea pig outside of her room; then one day after a shower I walked back into my room to find the guinea pig underneath my desk, chewing on a plastic Miami bag. I am still confused...Sometimes she HAS to hear a specific song; she'll sit and face her stereo while she sings a song that's stuck in her mind. Now; I have done this for decades. Perhaps I inspired her, or my influence helped trigger the same passionate release in her--it's really cool...Her vegan cornbread is now famous, and disappears the same day it is made. I am not surprised, or confused about that...

My FCP has this for me: She called me; she laughed at my totally obnoxious and immature answering machine message, and she sounds great!..Saw a picture of her on one of her motorcycles; my girl looks good!..

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: The best peanut comments come from Countdown; either in Oddball, or 'worst person in the world'...Made in China? Since China is responsible for the pet food problems, which will be/are already now people food problems, and now a toothpaste scare? Why exactly are we buying anything from those Chinese people--all of whom hate us anyway? Is anyone paying attention here?..Speaking of you idiots not paying attention; David Ray Griffin now has his 4th book out on the 9/11 governmental conspiracy joke. There are no "facts" left from the government's version of that day; none. But that's not the real problem. I'm a few months ahead, again, but watch out for the "global warming" addresses to be used as the "consolidation" for the single-world government. Common peoples' attempts to go green will hand over to politicians the New World Order that they have been "praying" for...Tuberculosis is back and badder than ever; exactly what are the airlines doing to stop diseased passengers? Rhymes with "nothing". I would SO kick that Beaker dude's ass.

A thought to take with you: "He plants trees to benefit another generation."--Caecilius Statius

"Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things."--Quote

"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace."

Bumper sticker at work: "Live simply so that others may simply live"

Bumper sticker at Wal-Mart: "Trespassers will be eaten"

Band names: Dissolvent, Yummy Small Bread, Drunk Hero's Picnic (from Slaughterhouse 5), Sublimely Profound Aroma (Opus), Dot Matrix Printer (for an old school band, get it?), Better Than Blah, Serial Baby Dumper (from my own commentary), Gladiator Mice (from Family Guy #97), First Gear Hill, Surgical Bong Hits,

Band name bonus: Johnny the Mad Hatter (pinball buddy from the 80's, at the Odyssey--downtown Athens, GA) played guitar in a band named "Billy Pilgrim". Well; "Billy Pilgrim" is the main character in my Slaughterhouse 5 book. I am slow, yes, but still paying attention. They did the best cover of ZZ Top's "Tush" I ever saw (3 ZZ Top references this month--I'm too cool!).





SIDEBAR 99

July 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: Gathering supplies for my vacation run. I have a couple of books to work on--but I've been ignoring them for years. I want a copy of the "Worker in the Light" book; projection and attraction, remote viewing--more than just Family Guy episodes...I am pretty stressed out, too stressed to be sitting and reading a fucking book right now. Thank you.

Watching: I'm missing exactly 1 of the first 10 "Whitest Kids You Know"; how is it that I don't have #3? F! This is some F-ed up S! (from #8)...On the day of the Texas Indy Car race, I was flipping in between it and the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre; sweet...Terminater was on Bravo, and I watched most of it, again. Love that movie!..In order to continue our existence (according to 2 different televised newscasts), humans will have to relocate. Is this news to anybody?..I have saved 7 different History channel UFO shows that are amazing...Girlfriend got that "Forever Knight" collection, and I watched one with her--it's like 1991 all over again...Watched a couple of good (treasure hunter) Mel Fisher videos down there in Florida...Watching, yeah right. Didn't those powers that be divide the Olympics into a 2-year system? Yes they did. So there SHOULD have been some version of worldly Olympics in the past year of 2006, and there was nothing. Thank you...

Class Projects: "What About Bob?" with my girl. I scored big points by recording "Ice Age; The Meltdown"; watched that with my girl, too.

Watching and Hearing: I did about 10 hours of the cable music "Blues" channel (731) in a south Florida town...Finally heard that Papa Roach "Forever" tune on one of our Dish tv music channels, and made Static Girl come and hear it with me...

Hearing: Wish I were there; the Smashing Pumpkins started their new tour at a small club in North Carolina, The Orange Peel, then Billy and the gang are going out to San Fran's Fillmore for a few. Nice...I love the Rage version of "Maggie's Farm" on the Renegades CD--I have referenced it many times; turns out...that's an old Dylan tune--I thought it sounded semi-familiar! I heard Bob's original on a radio station up here.
New on the radio: That "Lazy Eye" song I like, it sounds like Smashing Pumpkins, is by a band named Silver Sun Pick Ups...July 6th is the new Smashing Pumpkins release, and there will be many different versions of it...The Cure start an arena tour later this Summer--watch for them...There are a couple of good new radio songs out; 2 are even worth pulling over and head-bobbing to. One of them might be new Beastie Boys; anybody heard that yet?
Musical Purchases this month: Not shit; July will have some purchases.
Out and About: Matchbox 20, Blondie, and Cranberries at Safeway; a Maroon 5 sandwich with John Lennon and Carley Simon bread at Jack in the Box, The Who at Wal-Mart (Magic Bus), Hot Chocolate at the bank, Don Henley at Wendy's
Singing: Bob Welch "Sentimental Lady", Duran Duran "Girls on Film", Beastie Boys "Sabotage", "Bare Necessities", Styx "Come Sail Away", Alice in Chains "Would"

What I want today: I want something to help counter-balance the frustration.

New stuff this month or so: 6-2-07 was a huge Saturday. I was tired of not getting enough done on my days off, so I had an activity blowout day. While driving, recycling and shopping;: There's a new pizza place nearby, a new diner even closer, a Hawaiian place soon (now), and Carl's Jr. has Terriyaki burgers. Yum. Then we went and saw the last half of The Ingredients show at CDWorld. Then we bussed downtown to see 2 jam bands at the Sasquatch beer festival. Later, a new 100 million high score on my Family Guy pinball; then, I improvised 1 set of darts from my 3 sets, and threw darts for the first time this Century. And I was home before 10 pm...Saw my Wild Hop beer down in Florida, too...In an interview, Jessica Alba wishes she could be invisible, just Like I wish--maybe I could be invisible with her...Safeway gives you a baby discount for bringing your own grocery bags to the store--very nice...

This Month at the Dollar Tree: I drove right past it on 6-2; damn. And I need stuff from there. Went for jalapeno cheese slices on the last day of the month.

Occupational Hazards: We are moving to the other side of the building. This is good, right? We moved on hungover 6-6 Wednesday. I am within sight of my potential at-work girlfriend--making it much easier to stalk her; wish her luck!..Held my breath at work on day, and I got one of those head rushes that kills weaker people. It was so yummy...My at-work girlfriend has "Come Sail Away" as one of her cellphone ringtones...A co-worker stayed home one day, and she said she got incredibly bored. I think that is fascinating; how do people actually get bored again? Please tell me...They're changing my schedule; they want me to work noon to 9 pm? Maybe a few days per week, but not everyday, and not on Thursdays, muther fucker. In fact, I think I'm going to start leaving earlier on Thursdays.

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I could do a whole commentary on my attachment to things unpopular...I could do another one on how I rebel against much of the new government health advice; no sugar, no butter, the milk debate, the cell phone dilemma, etc. This all stemmed from a really bad fast-food experience at Jack/Box.

New foods this month: Static Girl gets full credit for both new food, AND a band name with: "Baked Tofu Squares". This just in--my girlfriend rules!

This month at Blues Jam: The beer I drink between 6 and 20 of, every Thursday night at Blues Jam, is Widmer Brother's Hefeweizen, from Portland; now you know. 5-31, last day of May was my 24th Blues Jam; outdoors! Static Girl dropped me off down there; I played enabler for 4 walks outside. Woo. Scratch My Back, and Little Red Rooster rule; thanks Wolfman...Tuesday 6-5 was a party night there, and DJ barkeep tried to stump me with some old Modest Mouse, but I nailed it. Played some amazing golf, too...6-7-07 was my 25th Blues Jam, back inside, and they claim it was recorded. I was loud and thankful, as always. It was incredible...In mid-June, they got a new pinball machine in there--Road Show. I'll get better at it, and score higher than anybody else--that's what I do...6-14-07 was #26 for me, and it was great. Outside again, and we all had a blast; many walks. Wolf promised me a CD burn from 6-7. 6-21? No Blues Jam for me, as I was drunk in Key West. Burp...Back for Blues Jam #27 on 6-28-07; rocking hard. JP surprised us all with Beck's "Where It's At", which had tons of room for Jeff and his horn. Wolf gave me the 3-song demo CD from 6-7-07, and it's excellent--it has some obnoxious guy in the audience yelling all through it. Imagine that.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is away from His desk right now, and/or helping another guest at this time. I will be happy to assist you, and then let God know I spoke with you.

What's different here than in college town: We actually want bikes, so we can ride on the cool bike paths here.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Must go find "The Kiva" store; all kinds of organic, hippie shit that's good for all--we could ride bikes down there.

Life with Static Girl: I bought her chips and chocolate, but she says she still feels "bah"; she's not always an easy fix--my girlfriend...She ran out of quarters, and was a bit annoyed. Okay; very annoyed. Then I dropped a fresh roll of quarters on her, and she was quite happy with me. Sometimes she is an easy fix..She cooks! She calls them "Cookie Bars"; chocolate chips in vegan-enough flakey layered batter. I wonder exactly how many of them I can eat without getting in trouble. I ate 3 of them in one sitting this time. Yum!..3-Stage Stairway Hugs, with Frankenstein arms! They are my invention, to be shared with a well-appreciated girlfriend...Musical seed-planting! While holding hands with her, I broke into a chorus of "Happy Home" by Garbage; and then she had to go to her room and play it for herself! Welcome to MY brain, baby!..Right before I left her for a week, we came up with a plan to get bikes and ride them on Saturdays together; we shall see...She use Tom's toothpaste, maybe it's a gel, while I eat the Dollar Tree Aim. Her toothpaste is exquisite; I'll find out what flavor it is, and make it the house gel in both bathrooms...Monday night 6-25-07, we could have had (lack of) romance issues--not my fault. Instead of being demanding--which I had every right to be, I was wonderful. I held her for awhile, then went to sleep on my own at 9:30 pm for a welcome change of long rest. My girlfriend sometimes helps me to sleep!..Temperature control; Static Girl calls a gloomily overcast 67 degrees outside "cold"; I call it "near perfect"...On her website, she comes to the conclusion "Yep, prepare to die, people!". That's my girl!

My FCP has this for me: I took the "Floppy Flier" she sent me to work, and we abuse it all to shit. It's great.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Cops are killing pregnant ex-girlfriends, wrestlers are killing their entire families and themselves, and some of you people are out there waiting in line 3 days to pay $600 for a new phone. Have fun with all of this.

A thought to take with you: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

"Instead of waiting for someone to take you under their wing, go out there and find a good wing to climb under."

Band names: Flakey Layered Batter, Baked Tofu Squares, Rugburn, Due Diligence, Prince Albert/In a Can (remotely viewed Family Guy), Chainsaw Chase (Texas), (3 from the Lewis Black on Broadway special:) Umbrella Stand, 22-Hour Flight, Meat With Eyes; Moral Compass (Rescue Me), Throat-Bleeding Chili (Wild Hogs), Lava Lightbulb





SIDEBAR 100

August 2007


(...last month we were...)


Reading: I'm getting tons of new e-mails--some of them are even good. And I could be reading in my meditation book, prepping for a yoga book, but I'm not. I should write my own book about scatterbrain, and not having enough time or patience to read.

Watching: The July episode (32?) of Dr. Who; "Gridlock", was possibly the best hour of television this Century...Did you see Keith Olberman call for the resignation of Bush/Cheney? Twice? That was big and bad; I was rooting for Keith, and hoping he'd shut up--all at the same time. It was probably alot like listening to me on the radio. And Keith frequently references The Soup, and Joel McHale; kick ass!..Indy car races and fights (the Glen). And how does sports television cover a WNBA game, but does NOT cover the (made-up from a rainout) Nashville Indy Car race? Who the fuck watches WNBA? I would think (uh-oh; these always get me in trouble) that women sports fans watching television would care more about 3 very qualified female Indy Car racers competing against men, than 2 all-girl teams playing basketball. I love the mid-Ohio track, too. THAT race was pre-empted for an hour by some fucking golf playoff. Car crashes; or 2 fat guys playing golf? And ABC chose golf...I've watched a few movies on HBO, too; so?

Class Projects: Watched a neat Nature show about Alaskan Stellar Sea Lions with my girl. We also checked out 1 episode of "Planet Earth" on Animal Planet, narrated by Sigourney Weaver...Similar; we also recorded/watched a Jeff Corwin 'Into Alaska' thing, where he took an Alaskan Cruisetour, rode the Wilderness Train in a high-domed car, and 4-Wheeled through Denali...Recorded one of the Alien Nation movies, too; Body and Soul (1995), it was very good...Since Static Girl turned me on to Dr. Who, watching the new season of it counts as a class project, as well. And Dr. Who is being shown on PBS now--the educational channel...I will find and watch "The Brandon Corey story". I really want to go see "Sicko", but I may be doing Sicko solo.

Watching and Hearing: I whipped out GT4 again, and completed some more driving missions; that jukebox is excellent...Saw the Ozzfest special on Hard Times; Static X is back!..I surf videos on Fuse, and caught the new Pumpkins "Tarantula" video. I haven't shaken my head at the tv like that in years. God Bless Billy Corgan.

Hearing: Evans Blue? Hard versions of Sarah Mac songs? My barkeep DJ has turned me on to another great Canadian band...I play my Knapsack "Day 3", Garbage "Bleed", 2 Crumb's, 2 DLM's/1 3PN; that's 3 CD's with some guy named Doug singing, and the new Pumpkins Zeitgeist is going to send me on a Pumpkins tear, yup; Siamese Dream, Pisces Iscariot, Mellon Collie; Billy C. is back and relevant. For writing purposes, I have pulled out my "Close to the Edge" Yes CD--yes, ha, that's my old writing music! Double Five Eight, Magnapop, and that Carpenters' compilation I love from 1994.
New on the radio; ??? On the sign at CD World, the letters brag of new Garbage; do my eyes read the truth? Must do research!..I can't stay long enough with 1 radio station to hear the names of bands or songs. But, again, there are a couple of good new songs worth listening to. So what?..Not new, in fact--far from it. But on the same day I heard 2 obscure Zep songs; "Nobody's Fault But Mine" and "The Ocean"--that's pretty damn cool...
Musical Purchases this month: What will be first; new Pumpkins or Beastie Boys? Drumroll--bought on convenience store day (7-11), it's the new Smashing Pumpkins "Zeitgeist". On the first listen, I whoop-yelled in 3 different songs. You might say that I like it. I need to review it, and the NIN Year Zero, too. 4 complete listens of new SP on the first weekend; make that 5 listens--I took Sunday 7-15-07 off, this new Pumpkins is great!..
Out and About: John Cougar and Whitney Houston at Safeway, ABC at Cash King, Thompson Twins at Wal-Mart, Dave Matthews and Elton John at Fred Meyer, Greg Kihn at Safeway, Kiss and AC/DC at the garage (my mechanic rocks!), Boz Skaggs at Carl's Jr, Billy Joel, Smash Mouth and Toto at Fred Meyer.
Singing: Mental jukebox on Overdrive since the end of June! Everyday I sing a couple lines of NIN's "Right Where It Belongs", Counting Crow's "Round Here", Beck's "Where It's At" (Blues Jam), (also, Blues Jam) Wolfgang's "At the Foot of the Hill", B-52's "Rock Lobster", Golden Earring's "Radar Love", Chevelle's "Send the Pain Below" (and this was just the first 3 days of July), Crumb's "Shoegazer", Sponge' "Plowed", Unwritten Law's "Seeing Red", NIN's "Hurt", the Cure's "Friday I'm in Love", Van Halen's "Ice Cream Man", G + R's "You Could Be Mine", Smashing Pumpkins "Bullet...", + "Mayonaise", Blur "Song 2", I lullabied Meatloaf's "2 Out Of 3 Ain't Bad" to the guinea pig (nice), Boston's "A Man I'll Never Be", Zep's "Bonzo's Montreux" (dude, you can't sing an instrumental), Elton's "Saturday Night's Allright", Buck Cherry's "Crazy Bitch", my 3 APP songs, my 2 Lindsey Buckingham songs, Plain White T's "Hey there Delilah.", Greenday's "When September Ends", Offspring's "Pretty Fly". And more. Eat me.

What I want today: It's July, and I finally started writing. Wait...almost! Right there! I almost wrote something else! Did you see that? This is so cool!..I want more time. I don't have time for all of this shit; I was busy enough before--with nothing to be busy for. And now I'm just...I don't know; fuckin' goofballed, I guess. I have been disrupted. My comfort zone, which I was growing tired of, has been replaced with sleepless shivering, chills, and flashes; my heartbeat pounds in my face all day long. I thought that this would be all fun and fantasy; perhaps I should take my own advice and 'be careful what you wish for', Mr. Man.

New stuff this month or so: In case you missed it; there is no energy crisis, there is no oil crisis; renewable resources have been hushed for over 40 years--still being hushed today. We have created genetic bugs that will eat pollution--so that we humans can KEEP on polluting. We have even achieved Nikola Tesla's dream of massive cordless energy transfer--a top 3 human accomplishment of all time--which is easily over-simplified, but still far too complicated to explain to you idiots. The man-made, manufactured, and manipulated "economy" that you live by MAY have been a decent plan after WWII, but it's a complete cluster-fuck now...A chewing gum (think "twins") with a recipe that had not changed since 1893 has now been distorted to add aspartame to it. I'd still fuck the twins, but I won't be chewing any of their gum...My favorite local store to buy my Natural American Spirit cigarettes no longer sells them; there may be/already is a new law going into effect that the cigarette paper must be treated with a self-extinguishing chemical that eliminates fires. Are you fucking kidding me? How about a new brand of cigarettes named "Housefire"?..To all Americans who speak English; the next time you get pulled over by the cops let's all say 'no hable engles'. Deny papers, license, and insurance. Tell the cops 'Soy trabajando a Tyson' (I work at Tyson Foods), because they hire mostly illegal workers already. We should be able to get off without even a warning; you KNOW that if you SPEAK English you're going to get a $200 ticket for something. You're welcome...Tegan, the guinea pig, turned 6 human years old on 7-15-07. So she's actually about 90 now. Happy congrads to Tegan; please get over your leg injury..."Pure Imagination" was the name of Wolfgang's music festival I went to on 7-21-07. That was fun; mosquito bites and chiggers, too...Finally tried out the new Howling Coyote Bar-B-Que. Yum...Gus has 227,000 miles; can your sissy car go that far? I bet it can't...Went and saw Mike Tracey and Short Fuse on Fri. 7-27-07 at Mac's; they rocked. I am so worn down and ragged out from great music, lack of sleep, writing again, and a Summer Crush--how do I keep this up?

This Month at the Dollar Tree: I'll let you know when I go to get lighters and garlic powder. Jalapeno chips? Yes! I only had $6; follow the money: 2 kinds of lighters, frozen peas and carrots for my piglet, some kind of almost-expired cheese slices, and some high-tech drafting tools for my girlfriend's upcoming blogathon (dude; it was a stapler and a ruler). Yes; and they're green--she loves them!

Occupational Hazards: Remember their schedule change plan? Here's my response; I will keep going to work--on my old schedule. I never agreed to the first schedule either, but I'll be damned if I'm going to work later in the day now...I'm dizzy, I'm starving, and having trouble clearing my mind--work is so fun...2 workouts after vacation, and I'm back under 200 lbs. again. By the way, I am in there alone most of the time. I'm going to take my NIN "Beside You In Time" DVD and fucking workout to it. Who's going to stop me?..My Barbie teammate at work called me nimrod. "Nimrod"; I haven't heard that word in 15 years...6-month reviews; mine has made much noise, check this shit out: I do better customer service (99% quality) than the customer service department, AND I've had more sales stolen from me (by co-workwers) than any other salesman ever has. Everybody else is getting all worked up about this. I just kinda giggle, and I'm waiting to verbally unload in my own way. This was a fun job while it lasted, but it might be about over now. Look at the concern on my face...My at-work girlfriend came back from her vacation and dumped me. But I still had my back-up plan. Then, my at-work back-up plan left me--I lost them both in 1 week. I get no love at work. Oh well. Like I said; it was a fun job...First; I broke the casual Sunday dress code. Then I got sent to the principals office 2 days in a row--I'm a rebel in baggy denim shorts...

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: From my vacation last month; I met an excellent young lady. I will be continuing communications with this Vacation Girlfriend, and digging out inspiration any way I possibly can, or deem necessary. At this point I would even consider phone sex. Actually, I may beg for it...Back from the cruise, I can feel the energy emitting from the tv box actually sucking out my creative drive--(which is a nice segue into)--I need to go "Big Picture", because these little pictures are killing me...All by myself, I have figured out that there are too many people on the planet to save the planet. Fuck religion, fuck the Illuminatti, and with all due respect to God, Mr. God is not showing a sense of urgency in getting this cleansing party started either. People are stupid and need to die...My new source is working out pretty well; thumbs up to the Camera Eye (a blatant Rush reference)...Giving Love? Early month freewill astrology said I should be concentrating more on the love I want to give than the love I want to receive. Believe it or not, that does explain some things...More astrology says that big $ are coming my way. That's nice, but $ aren't what I need. What I need is a life-sized love doll 'coming my way'...Look for a new Pool Guy survey, done to the new Smashing Pumpkins CD...Used to love Mondays; but on 7-16 both my wrist watch, and the 2nd blower fan in Gus went bye-bye. Oh the fun that is my life. My weight got down to 197 and change during the same week--so at least I've got that going for me...In the musical section I have the "Dirty Dozen"; 12 songs to represent your life. It's good, but it's not actually a "soundtrack"; hmmm...Very recently, and luckily, it has been discovered that there ARE a few more things I want to do before the world ends. I am not done. Thought I was done before I ever left Athens, and I was WRONG. I am not done...Speaking of done; I'm about ready to write my commentary on the end of my involvement with society. Irony, mutherfucker...195.4 was my weight on 7-24; that might be a little too skinny, a little too fast. I need some more bar-b-que...As the king of carrying things around with me, I will need many more pairs of Cargo Pants!..

New foods this month: Cookie bars! Girlfriend made more of them, and they are better than sex. So; hmmm, girlfriend gets the assist on another band name...A month late; I've been eating these spicey black bean fake burgers in my lunch sandwiches. They are good...Pepsi Summer Mix? Tropical fruit soda seems like a decent plan, but the flavor is weak. Double the syrup content in this shit and then we might have something good...New hot sauce! I think it's Asian, and yes, I COULD just go get the bottle and read it to you--okay I will: it's called "Tuong Ot Sriracha", and I discoverd it at the Mongolian Grill back in 2005. I said if I ever saw it in a store that I would get it...We found Nemo! Or maybe it was "Miso"; it's some Asian ramen wannabe stuff that we will try now. Or maybe not. Maybe somebody else in the house tried it and forgot(?) to share some with me. Such is life. Maybe I'll go club a baby seal and eat some chicken; would the rest of the house like that?..Hippie chick food! From a co-worker's obnoxiously organic garden we have lemon plums, and lemon cucumbers! Yum! Hug a hippie!

This month at Blues Jam: #28 on 7-5-07; oh my goodness. Another one outside. Too many guitar and piano players, not enough drummers and harp guys. A total success; people broke into dance. There was even another guy who could yell like me--that was pretty fuckin' loud. I cried at one point...7-12-07 outside again, Jam #29 for me. My main harp was back, and 3 different piano players this time. I drank BIG beers, and cross-smoked a pack of Marlboro's. I missed my Spirits...7-19-07, #30 for me. Outside again--3 in a row. 3 girls asked me to dance, because I'm cool. They played "Scratch My Back" for me, "Speaker Monkey" for me, J P played their longest version of 'I Don't Want To Fall In Love', and Wolfgang ripped shit up on his guitar. That's what a Blues Jam should sound like...And there would be a bonus daytime Blues Jam at Wolfgang's Pure Imagination Festival, on Saturday 7-21! I was quite impressed...7-26-07, my 31st Blues Jam. More outside. I had so many things to talk to Wolfgang about--we covered about half of them. Told him that his wife liked me more than he did, and proved it, ha, so Wolf went back up onstage and played Little Red Rooster for me--it's been months. Fuck yes. I probably cried. J P, who sang Sublime, Steppenwolf and Stevie Ray Vaughn back-to-back-to-back, also pulls out 90's tunes (that I played on the radio)--just to fuck with me. This week was the Wallflower's "6th Avenue Heartache". Sweet. Earlier this night I learned what a "Dixieland Free For Fall" is; everybody solo's all at once, and the crowd goes wild.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God feels like I am trivializing my relationship with Him, and He may have a point. But there is a little too much faulty "free will" being thrust upon me to believe undoubtedly in a master plan. I need to see some wrath, and soon...I have been reminded of my intolerance; and I need to remember that religion is a very personal thing--God probably IS too big to fit into one religion...It bears repeating: God Bless Billy Corgan.

What's different here than in college town: (similar) Written up in the local "Flagpole", the Burrito Girl trailer here is supposed to have the best food--perhaps similar to the Muy Caliente trailer back in Athens...More similarity; the Ben Rice Blues Band. Average age: 18, and 1 kid is a blind piano prodigy. If I DIDN'T have Blues Jam Thursdays, I'd be all over this band--this is good stuff...More of the same; the produce manager at my Safeway is in the band Northwest Royale--another band I must go see!

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: It's 90 fucking degrees here, then 2 days at 100, with humidity and bugs; so it's almost as crappy as an Arizona Summer--but the nights are sweet. Chilly, even...

Life with Static Girl: She missed me for a whole week!..I want to make an outgoing ans. machine msg. with her where she just keeps saying 'beep'. She thinks it's sorta dumb, but what does she know?..She left me note on a post-Blues Jam hangover morning calling me drunk and stupid for leaving all the lights on in the house. Sure. I wrote her back a note that said 'Who am I? Do I live here?'...She wants to save the earth; I would rather dissolve it. We are definitely on opposite ends of that equation...Static Girl has no sense of smell; and that's great for my farts, but sucks when she can't smell pretty flowers...We finally went and at least LOOKED at some bicycles...Too tired to shrug? No. She's so apathetic that sometimes she won't even bother to shrug; now THAT'S apathy...My girlfriend got sick, and she KEPT going to work. Wow. I left her a note that said "Feel much better, or stay the F home." She stayed home the next day. She's still sick, tho...An excellent results : effort ratio. Sometimes the entree can be the appetizer. She and I can have better sex in 5 minutes than most couples do in an hour. Hey; I just said the same thing 3 different ways--like an effective Overnight DJ would; aren't you lucky!..She is a whisper without footprints; others may wish, but will never be so amazing...Rather than flip or spin her mattress, she just changes the end she sleeps on; brilliant!..Saving the furry little creatures of the earth; my girlfriend is doing a 24-hour blog-a-thon for the Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary. She is raising over $500. Yay girlfriend! I bought her a new beanbag chair, and snacks for her 24 hour adventure...

My FCP has this for me: Haven't talked to her in weeks, but my Christian Biker Chick still rules.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Analog tv signals to go dark in 2009; so don't worry about RFID chips, because you'll be watched directly through the brainwashing video box. Have a nice day...New Mexico is going to grow its own medical marijuana for chronic pain sufferers. And I already had reason enough to go to New Mexico; this is like, icing...Want some UFO news? From Maine to Oregon, hundreds of sightings in the past 60 days of these smaller, humming drone craft. More than one report suggests they look like dragon flies; and then they shoot off, out of sight, in seconds. Nice. Europe tested craft like these in 2005--I'm sure ours are better, and are probably made in China, ha...Australian pilots from different planes recorded and photographed a mile-wide UFO, and it was on radar. Yawn...Blue Beam technology; the possibility of organized holograms would explain so many more things than just fake planes on 9-11-01. But remember that holograms don't show up on radar--therefore this does NOT explain any mile-wide UFO. So let's go back to the radar logs of 9-11 and watch the "planes" enter the buildings. What the fuck would you people do without me?..Currently; sure let's do currently, this Iraq deal costs the U. S. $12 billion per month. Is that "current" enough for you?..

A thought to take with you: A Zen saying, from my own Freewill Astrology (Leo) this month; "Leap, and the net shall appear." I fucking like that one.

"Humanity is at its best when itís somewhere else."--Fred Reed

"Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk."-- J. C. Penney

"Look well into thyself; there is a source which will always spring up if thou will always search there."--Marcus Aurelius

"Blast. Damn you all. Victory is mine." A fake Olsen twin imitating Family Guy's Stewie back in 2001.

Band names: I'm averaging 2 band names per day here in Scatterbrain City, as we are making time to enjoy the new burn: Cookie Bar Sex, Entirely Altered Entity, Ice Cream Cone, Honeymoon Testdrive, Black Bean Burgers, Plasmavore (from Dr. Who), Poor Man's Crown (from my new survey). On the last day of July, I began forming a poem that will incorporate/suggest a band name in every line. Examples: "Toys From Texas" (and their first album 'Fondle With Care'), and "Dripping Detours". You people should pay me more.




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