Sidebars 86 - 92


June 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: I need a book; reality is far too depressing. Maybe a Family Guy book; naaa, that'd be too easy...There are many books out on how bad the current presidency is; but since we all already know and accept the premise, how enlightening could those books be? A book on how bad our eating habits are wouldn't help much either--unless it gave some options. I need entertainment, engagement, trivia, conspiracy, oversimplification, and (of course) I need to be told how smart I am for reading the specific book. Is that too much to ask?
I started re-reading the Edgar Cayce 'Keys to Health' thing again. Why? Because it's a small paperback that fits neatly in my lunchbox. Blow me.

Watching: On the warped tour, with my girlfriend, we like to watch Bones on Wednesdays; great music with good characters and decent plots.
History Channel; Archimedes? Some old guy obsessed with the power, force, and structure of water; yeah, that's me. If the "Archimedes screw" is perpetual motion, then I am his incarnation...The History Channel also reverse-engineered a UFO (part 1 of 2), and the show told of a few other amazing UFO encounters I didn't even know about. Part 2 wasn't as good, but still was okay.
I'm averaging about 6 Family Guy's a week (I was). On TOON, after Family Guy, I checked out Seth Green's "Robot Chicken"; that's also an above-average show for short attention spans...PTI just did it's 1000th show--congrads to Mike and Tony...VH-1 has Ice Tv's "Cult S**t"; it's all about much of the best music in the 80's that was missed while the MTV virus spread. Ice T is cooler than a Black "Fonzie", and he cut his teeth hanging with Suicidal Tendencies back in the early 80's.
Rescue Me; perhaps the best drama on tv, came back May 30th. I watched and taped the 3rd season opener, then watched it again. I've been there for Denis Leary's show since Day 1, and will continue to be.
Tv commercials; a businesswoman gets on an elevator, and strips down to her gym clothes underneath, then she gets off the elevator. It's a car commercial; why aren't the fat feminist freaks bitching about using a stripping woman to sell cars? Women are so cute; awww...New favorite commercial! For Edge shaving gel; a guy trys to talk and be serious while these pretty girl hands are rubbing his face and deliberately distracting him. It even made my girflriend smile!
Movies at home: Saw (pretty good), the Family Guy movie (good),
At the theater: Over the Hedge; wow. There were so many great voices in it, a good movie overall, and Ben Folds does all the music.

Watching and Hearing: Ozzy at an indoor soccer game, Tom Petty on NBA playoff tv; the Knack at the first Buffalo/Carolina hockey game; Violent Femmes and Verve Pipe on "How I Met Your Mother", Stevie Wonder in a Zales commercial, Ton Loc's "Wild Thing" in a K-Mart commercial?
Hearing: Five Eight CD's were in both of my computer drives for over 3 months--thank you. On 5-10-06, I finally traded one out to hear Fig Dish' "Pretty Never Hurts".
Hearing the new Tool "10,000 Days" now; it came out May 1st at midnight, I had it before dark on May 2nd; thank you.
Heard Chicago at Wendy's; Verve Pipe (again) and Journey at Safeway, and on a Safeway trip with my girlfriend we heard Heart and Peter Gabriel; Pretenders, Dire Straits, Tom Petty, and on another visit The Hollies at the Dollar Tree; the Cranberries and Del Amitri at Carl's Jr; Tom Petty through an Eagles filter at Safeway
Singing? Oh yeah; it's (supposed to be) the writing season. My jukebox brain goes on random play, and we sing everything from Knapsack's "Decorate the Spine" to Led Zeppelin's "Night Flight"; Five Eight tunes like "Take Aim" and "Stanley" ("Shouldn't Be Here" hurts my throat), there are multiple Fig Dish/Caviar tunes, the Androids "Do it with Madonna", Ice-T's "New Jack Hustler", old Jimmy Buffet songs like "Tire Swing" and "Pencil Thin Moustache", L7's "Pretend We're Dead", D + C's "Straight To Hell", A in C's "Rooster",

What I want today: I want to kill everybody. Death. Death, and a Playstation2.

New stuff this month or so: Starting job #8 has been a great experience so far; 3 days in and I'm still employed. 10 days now; we have a computer chat board on our screens for company business. Somebody typed something cutesy-insulting to me on a digital post-it, and I answered back with "bite me". The problem is that my answer was on the MAIN screen--for the whole office to see. My very first comment on the company message board could get me suspended. That's me.
By walking to work, and bussing to the bar, you should taste how much gas I'm saving...Gus update; it's the water pump that's causing most of the water leakage. That's $300 I don't have. If I had extra $, I'd buy a Playstation2 with GT3 and GT4. Varoom!
The Country Rap Music I warned of back in 1990 has arrived--and I hope you are happy; they call it "hick hop". Urban Cowboy Tre? Have fun with that.
I rode the bus! Went downtown, then over to Springtuckey, then back home. It cost me $2.50, which is probably cheaper than it would've cost to drive. The bus was clean, the drivers were polite, and the experience was excellent. 4 Saturdays in a row now; it's a hot chicks and homeless mix.
If you know me, then you know how I can make (or just "let") my heart beat 4 times a second--pretty much whenever I want to. No exercise is necessary; I thought this was more proof of my not being human. Maybe not; or at least, maybe not here. This dysfunction is called "paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia"; and more than 90,000 new cases show up each year. Great; so we're like a freaking club now; a club of freaks with freakishly beating hearts. Yeah, that's just freaking great. I'm still not one of you stupid humans though. Wait; can these other 90,000 yahoos actually CONTROL how/when their hearts beat 4 times a second? I can. Never mind. Shhh. Go away now.
It's hard to stop doing business with all the places that hire illegal immigrants, but we're trying. No more Wal-Mart trips here; if we need to combine grocery and department store, then we'll go to the big Fred Meyer's--it's in the neighborhood.
"Missing time" is so 1984--hey that's actually pretty clever. Reports of "losing" any amount of time, from 5 minutes to 4 hours, are common among people experiencing interest from aliens. I've had dozens (possibly hundreds) of these time-loss experiences over 4 decades; this is old news, and hardly worthy of study. My newest concern is of missing "things". Every smoker (at some point in life) has lit a cigarette, taken 2 drags, and the cig is over. And the smoker says 'hey wait; I JUST lit this thing'; so cigarettes no longer count. I am currently experiencing missing drinks (and party supplies), missing turkey jerky, missing noises, missing PTI, and many other things. Either I am being massively screwed with, or I have completely lost my mind. Whichever way it's kind of fun; but shhhh, don't tell anybody. Coherency is overrated.
I usually take my lunch to work--the same lunch I've eaten for years; a boring turkey sandwich, and cardboard-flavored crackers. Slept late, on 5-24-06, and couldn't make my lunch. So I go to the little fried seafood crap house next door to work; for $6 I got 2 small pieces of entree and 15 french fries. It wasn't even a snack. And when did fast food drinks go up to $1.50? It was a 10 oz. cup, bitch; I was ROBBED! But I met my new friend; smoke-flavored Tabasco, and drank 3 little cups of it. Yum.
Over the course of my adult life, my Mom has given me at least a dozen umbrellas. Where the hell are they? Static Girl says that a few of them are in the trunk of her car. Okay; how did they get there? And, since it rains every day here, and walk-to-work boy needs an umbrella; why are MY umbrellas in her trunk?
Did the world end on 5-25-06? What a great story! The world is supposed to end on the 21st Anniversary of the beginning of my writing season; My Crusade. No wonder I can't even think straight--much less write anything. And so...
Kiss my ass! On Sunday, 5-28-06, I went and bought a brand new PS2. That's GT3 and GT4 in my house, and I'm only 4 years behind now. I could've bought Gus the new water pump he needs, or I could've given my girlfriend some of the thousand or so dollars I owe her; nope, I got selfish...Kiss my ass; part 2: 15 minutes before the season premier of Rescue Me, I angrily decided to write a poem; 15 minutes into said premier, I was finished. So I don't have to write anything else--if I don't want to. I'm done; kill me now.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Hi God. Once again I have to ask you about this crazy crap idea that the earth is roughly 12,000 years old. Change the bible words to 'human life on earth is 12,000 years old'. That is also a lie; yes, but at least it will show that you are willing to do a revision of your book...And tell me, oh Lord, what is about this new story of Judas; the biblical papers found in the 1970's and time-dated as accurate back to your son's time? Jesus and Judas were trading kisses and teaming together for the hostile take-over? That could throw off your whole "slaughtered lamb" premise, Cloudman. So; you're going to need to do a revision of that original story. In fact, you're going to have to stay after class and explain some things. If this were a baseball team, God, you'd be running laps after practice. My opinion is that even God needs to be told He's full of shit every now and then--and He must agree; otherwise there is no reason for me to be here. Wanna know something else? YOU'RE full of shit, too. All of you can kiss my ass; my hairy, White ass. Yes; you...Shhh; calm down.
Jesus freaks show up at our door, and they're selling the idea that 'God gives your life purpose'. Cool; I'll go with that. We can even link the "purpose" pitch with the idea that this human life is just a transition; we are tadpoles growing our little froggie legs. Sure. But I am still going to need some personalized, unique to ME explanations of exactly why I am (still) here. "Purpose" sounds so important, but I am not. What if I don't want to grow legs? "It wasn't my idea to crawl out of the ocean."
So I'm head-butting God, going deaf and numb, and I'm mentally slowed. It's a wonder I can still dress myself...sometimes. Look at the concern on my face. I could've saved the world, saved rock radio; possibly even saved morality. Instead, I am going to wither, blister, burn and peel in a puddle of my own puke. Ain't this fun? I'm just waiting to snap and start killing people; the list gets longer. Suddenly; I must hear some Stabbing Westward. What do I have to do?

What's different here than in college town: Similar! Athens has the legendary Flagpole Magazine; Eugene has the Eugene Weekly; with fringe comics, current events, and local band interviews. I love it! More! So I went out power-walking one warm evening, and I went by this house in the neighborhood; music--it was a band practicing! I started shaking my head and doing air-guitar (that's what I do), but then I kept walking. I will go back and hear the neighborhood band practice another time...Captain D's was always a great food option; cheap seafood, made (relatively) fresh, and the average age of the customers was under 70...CD Baby (see link below), the place to get your own copy of the Dream Life Misery CD, is out of Portland. CD Baby only accepts CD's from musicians, not from manufacturers or distributors; through Super D, you will be able to order CD Baby stuff at big corporate music stores now.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: It's official; bio-diesel is now cheaper than regular diesel or gasoline. Guess what I'll be driving if I ever have to change vehicles again?..SeQuential is the Oregon biodiesel producer of E99; they are building a station in Eugene; local landscaping company, Rexius, drive trucks that are powered by SeQuential bio-fuel...Kettle Foods, already with their bio-bug cars, are turning their entire factory campus into a totally organic landscape; peeps at my new job dig Kettle Chips, and I am about to go on a Kettle Chips bender (bending now; 2-3 bags of chips a week)...Corvallis was recently named an EPA Green Power Community; it's the only city in Oregon and the entire west coast to earn that title.

Life with Static Girl: She said she will walk with me; yay...We're going to go to a museum together; an art museum. When? She says "Soon."...She said I need to be more frugal; me. Wow...She started a new job first week of May (hey, so did I); good for her...She said that my eating habits disgust her (I'll keep the household peace by leaning in to the [correct] vegetarian ideal, sure, but I NEVER agreed to quit eating meat--thank you)...I've been depressed and apathetic (and drunk, alot), because I do that sometimes, and I was describing it to her; I said I felt "blah-berry". And I made up another word "inspiragus"...It is her birthday month; I bought her organic ketchup, and am trying to get her to take a nature walk with me--okay; not quite but almost--we went to Saturday market, and Market of Choice; we picked up veggies and vegetarian complexities...At work, my new job, there's a sign in the bathroom: "If there are paper towels in the floor, please pick them up." IN the floor; do you see that? "IN" the floor...She says that she doesn't care what I do, and then I'll ask if it's okay for me to go do something, and she'll say "Which part of 'I don't care what you do' don't you understand?" I like that; in fact, she learned how to talk like that from me...She sprawls out and crunches Santitas; so, (ahem) she is ALL that and a bag of chips!..Sketch Book Girlfriend! It took her a month or so, but she made this beautiful book, yes--MADE it, computer-drew a gorgeous cover for it, and then made scribbles and sketches on every page of it. (I want her to put the cover on her webpage, and a few of the drawings, too.) The best part was my getting a private "book showing" of it on 5-25-06; MY girlfriend, the 'blind contour art scholar babe'...She uses my terms for Tegan the guinea pig's house; she refers to the cage walls as the "fence", and to the newspaper cover as the "tent"...She cooks her oriental ramen noodles, and some of the hard crumbs usually end up IN the floor. I pick them up, smile, and say 'MY Static Girl cooked here!'

My FCP has this for me: We still trade e-mails, but she's doing her own thing for awhile. Good for her. When she comes back, maybe she can help with the writing season--you know, if the world didn't end.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: The Iraq war ($320 Billion over 4 years) costs $152,207 per minute; $2,537 a second (do your own math--prove me wrong)...Illegal immigrant lovers, the Maytag corp., are cutting about 4000 American jobs (yawn); wait--Whirlpool bought Maytag. That's right; they love immigrants so much that they sold themselves out to Whirlpool...Oh I am so tired of this joke they call American government; take my civil liberties, please...A 29% approval rating for the Prez (between 29 and 35); wow...Steve Wynn, some Las Vegas casino mogul, paid $10.1 Million for a Ming Dynasty vase...

A thought to take with you: "Any idiot can face a crisis," said Russian writer Anton Chekhov, "it is the day-to-day living that wears you out." (Whenever I find a quote that starts with the words "Any idiot..." or "What kind of moron...", they will go on my webpage--because that's how I talk, too.)

"I'd like to point out that during the 20th Century; White, God-fearing, predominately Christian Europe produced Lenin, Stalin, Franco, Hitler and Mussolini."--George Carlin

"Three times the amount of your purchase re-circulates into the community when you buy from a locally owned business instead of a chain."--Eugene Weekly

The full quote is "Hey; it wasn't my dumbass idea to crawl out of the fucking ocean, bitch!"--W. C. Davis

Band names: Corkscrew Kamikazee (from GT2's Laguna Seca), Surprisingly Good Smokerings, Many Medical Conditions, [My girlfriend says that I don't have ANY medical conditions (Um, didn't I already mention one in THIS Sidebar?), and I say that I have MANY medical conditions--which reminded me of Justin and Brandon's "Blue Condition" band; that's how we got there] MANY MEDICAL CONDITIONS, Equine Ambulance (Barbarosa), Tied for First, Materiality, Lung Fungus (from Bones).


July 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: The year is more than half over? Great. I'm fat, unread, and unmotivated. "Reading"; sure. "Ranting" might happen--in fact I'll guarantee that, but reading...not likely. I read the newspaper; isn't that enough? Short attention span theater; where are the well-thought-out 5 paragraph essays?..That meditation for morons book is on my desk--gathering dust. Maybe I've opened it 2wice this month.
Trent Reznor no longer does, but I still read Spin magazine. When would I have time to read a book, anyway? I glance at books, and wonder what kind of person has time to keep coming back to some little soap opera of written text--and still care! I AM alone here--lots of people read. I just don't get it. Is there a book on Gran Turismo 4? That's a book I could read.

Watching: Rescue Me; mutherfucker. Best show on televsion, and Denis Leary is fantastic. Even the 'filler' episodes are still way above average...Into the 3rd year, there will FINALLY be a Rescue Me soundtrack; I'll be giving that as Christmas gifts.
More Blue Collar; Ron White's drinking Johnnie Walker now, and is funnier than ever. Ron even did some masturbation humor on Leno's show--good for him!
I foolishly flipped channels for 10 minutes one Thursday night, shaking my head, and I was like, 'This is it?'. It has never been so obvious that tv is merely an addictive reminder for consumers to consume. I am poor, and arguably pathetic; but I am no sold-out media "victim". I turn the tv off, play some relatively obscure music, and talk to myself; maybe I'll go race some Gran Turismo later.
Animal Tails, hosted by Mark Curry, is a very good show about animal sanctuaries--and other people who help animals. They used some Cure music as background noise--I'll figure out what song it was later. Wait; what's the song right before Fascination Street on Disintegration?
I was at the bar on 6/24/06, watching the World Cup game with a couple of fellow drunks, and we saw (ARG over MEX) the Rodriguez goal live, in real time, and all 3 of us agreed it was the best goal any of us had ever seen live (it was the #1 Play of the Week Sunday).
Real Estate programs; before you spend another $40-200 on some overnight infomercial about working in real estate; nothing down, stacks of money, blah blah blah--go check out's site. He's been doing real estate longer than you've been alive, and his site could have saved ME hundreds of dollars by now. This is how we live and learn.
Movie previews: Clerks II comes out in the next few weeks (July 21st). It's about damn time. I've traded e-mails with Kevin Smith before; somebody should wake his fat ass up to the tune that he should have already taken over Hollywood.
Watching and Hearing: Jane's Addiction in a Cooper Tire commercial, Proclaimers in a Visa commercial, Oasis in an AT+T commercial; new Pearl Jam on a Nascar telecast, an ELO dance mix during a club run on How I Met Your Mother.
I don't program background noise for tv commercials (even though maybe I should), but there ought be World Cup promos out there with U2 musical collages in them...Then I saw a World Cup promo with U2's "Vertigo" in it; I really AM a genius. More of my genius proof; as of 6/25/06, there are new World Cup promos out with "I Will Follow" as background noise; are the FIFA freaks now reading my website, too? Good for them. If so, then "2 Hearts", and "New Year's Day" (from War), and "Out of Control" (from Boy) would also make good promo music.
Real tv commercial; a guy tells another guy to quit eating chicken sandwiches, or else the guy will turn into a chicken. And the guy...turns into a chicken. Who wants a chicken sandwich now?

Hearing: Heard Boz Skaggs at Dollar Tree, Peter Gabriel at Wal-Mart, Kenny Loggins and Elvis at Dollar Tree; on a Safeway run with the most awesome girlfriend in the universe we heard original Bryan Adams--then re-made Bryan Adams, ELO I don't have, and OMD (Safeway rocks!). Last day of the month; Greenday at Safeway, and Wild Cherry at Dollar Tree.
On the great local non-profit radio here, I heard the first Fountains of Wayne single "Radiation Vibe" bleed into the first(?) Peter Gabriel single "Games without Frontiers"; I was impressed. My girlfriend was not.
Again, this month, there're tons of great new CD's. Ministry and David Gilmour are still waiting; (and Tool does NOT count; you go and buy a new Tool CD when it comes out--as I always do) my first new Summer CD purchase is the major label debut of Taking Back Sunday; "Louder Now". Hearing it now, and these guys are even better than on "Tell All Your Friends". I'll give it a solid B, but these guys are way more talented than even this CD--maybe they're still holding back, but why? Experiment already!
More new music this month: The New Cars; with Todd Rundgren replacing Ric Ocasek; Widespread Panic, Frank Black, Wonder Stuff, Cracker, and Cheap Trick all have new CD's; look at all this crazy shit. I can't afford to be the music fan I want to be!
Singing: Man, it's getting weird around here. You'd expect me to break into a few different Modest Mouse songs, and I do--no big deal. Five Eight is a given; Screaming Trees, Paul Westerberg, and Smash Pump (my big 3 from the Singles soundtrack)--nothing new yet. But I've been singing the Fixx, the Farm, Sugar, Holy Led Zeppelin, bootleg Pink Floyd, Rage, Goo, Cake, Hazel Virtue and more.

What I want today: NHL finals are on a channel called, uh, I don't actually know; some obscure cable sports thing. Outdoor? Go Carolina; I love their rookie goalie Cam Ward. You can take the NBA and "dunk" it, bitch. But if I cared, I'd pick Miami to win, ONE time, this is it--it's Shaq's (and Alonzo's and Gary Payton's) last hurrah. I'd like to see a freaking World Cup soccer game--when are they on? Ever?..I'd like to be writing--considering how important writing used to be to me.

New stuff this month or so: My DaD e-mailed me this fantastic video/song of President Bush "singing" U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" (spliced words cut from hundreds of speeches). It floored me; I was impressed and bewildered. I had to show my girlfriend; and she ALSO sat through the whole thing. That's incredible. But you're gonna have to Google and find the shit yourself; I'm not getting sued again.
I used to write during the slow sports month of June. This year I'm masturbating. Alot. Seriously; it's like I'm 20 all over again. From poetic masturbation to the real thing; I need more towels. Oh-by-the-way; I have scribbled out a few thoughts and witnessings of my amazing girlfriend--SHE is still the most incredible woman on the planet, and I WILL write at least one poem for her this season (just as I always do). But like last season, I won't be putting the poem up online, and I no longer care about writing poetry to save poetry, or to save the world. Nobody cares; why should I? It's a wonder we're all still here today--why aren't we dead yet?
From the Dollar (Tree) Store, 1905 brand jalapeno mustard really livens up my boring lunch sandwiches; I also like their Garden crackers. While we're here at Dollar Tree, loving their music and trading flirts with cute cashiers, let me also recommend their little brown bricks of Sun Mountain dollar coffee; take Aim toothpaste, mouthwash that stings, and green tea. I also have 3 cool John Deere drinking glasses from the Dollar store. Real, live 'new stuff this month' from said Dollar Tree; Dark chocolate Nestle crunch bars with the caramel--the BEST candy bars ever; they even have dark chocolate liquid in them.
6-6-06 we had 'ants in the kitchen' (Masters of Reality), and I sang the Caviar song "666" all day. The most perfectly numbered day, EVER, for a terror attack; and we got nothing!
It took until 6-9-06, but I now have both Playstations hooked up; GT1 through GT4 are all readily available. It was only a matter of time.
Employed, still, for now. On 6-13-06, I was written up (2nd warning) for being too friendly and understanding with people. Thank you, boss, now I have your permission to be a stark raving asshole. This is gonna get good; I really AM done being nice. Still employed, 6-15-06, even though they fired the 2nd newbie from my training crew; and they're making us all work overtime this Saturday. I guess that's another day with no World Cup, and no hockey. Go Carolina!
Somewhere this month, around the 10th, I suffered a left foot injury. It felt internal; like bones rubbing, and it made me limp. So I limped. Days later, a large welt appeared on my inner left arch. The white head on the welt certainly proved a bug bite--likely a spider bite. And for a few days it got worse. Then all of a sudden, on a hangover Sunday, 6/18/06, this welt is 90% healed, and almost invisible. And I'm no longer limping. Mystery pain, mystery spider bite, and then a mystery healing. Sure; I bet shit like this happens to everybody--I'm not weird or anything. Next up; my right big toe hurts really bad--I expect to find another spider bite there in a week or so.
Somebody entered Gus without permission 6/16/06, rummaged through my stuff, and took (only) a pack of American Spirit cigarettes. Maybe I'm lucky, but I still feel violated.
Walked to work on 6-29-06, and was dumped before I could clock in. Fired? Me? Okay. I'm going to sleep in, read a book or 2, write some poetry, collect unemployment and spend more time in the gym. Later that day, of course, I went to the bar. My 271 million first ball of Sopranos pinball included a completed Boss mode; it took 40 minutes. I don't know that anyone EVER HAS completed Boss mode on their very first ball; but I bet shit like this happens to everybody. Then I slept in on Friday, 6-30-06; slept through till 8:30 am--I'm a rebel. After some leisurely coffee, I went and did some shopping. At 2:30 pm, the place that fired me Thursday called to ask me if I'd like to come back to work. Sure. That's not weird. I bet shit like this happens to everyb--never mind. They just don't want to pay me unemployment, and they would have been forced to--because they fired me with no reason. But I'm still going to document all of this shit on Wednesday of next week. And I'd still like to learn to do the work--but I don't fucking give a shit right now--I'm on the 2nd day of 6 days off. And if they fire me in a week, or month, I'll continue with my unemployment plan.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God does not like to be argued with--even if you have a valid point. He's also still pissed at me for my non-committance; but then He won't tell me what I'm supposed to commit to. Maybe "non-committance" is my purpose--or "distraction"; but those sure don't seem very God-like. Do you see the dilemma?..Yo Cloudman, what the Mcshizzle is this? God sings the blues. I hate to bring more bad news, sir, but You are NOT getting more popular as the earth circles the drain. Bring the wrath already; teach these sheeple a lesson...When the aliens show up, with all of their obvious advances over us, we'll be calling them "God". Is that really what you want?..I'm not the first to question Your plan, Big Daddy; remember this guy?:
"If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed. Results like this do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of stuff you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude."--George Carlin
People tell me that God doesn't owe me any explanations--I'm supposed to trust in His plan. Well; then His stupid plan is killing this planet, and the deterioration of the potentially promising global mindset proves that--never fucking mind. You're on your own; maybe YOU can find a World Cup game or a new CD to keep you entertained. Good luck. Go Carolina! God apparently has QUITE the sense of humor, and is steering the car with His leg while opening another beer. Go God!
Crap. Sorry God. One of my heroes is Edgar Cayce. According to Cayce, the individual's attitude toward life, and God, determine most of his physical health and mental disposition. Rather than argue against this idea, which is probably true, I'm going to say that MY relationship with God could be better.

What's different here than in college town: It's official; the band Everclear is from Oregon. Art calls it home, and although I did not go see the group of 5 that make up the new Everclear on June 3rd, I still like them...In Georgia, everybody knows that the best onions in the world come from Vidalia; Vidalia Onions. Here in the northwest, I'm not making this up, people are crazy for Walla Walla Washington onions...Late in the month, UGA played OSU in a CWS elimination game; Beavers beat Bulldogs. Boo. Now we root for the Beavers to win it all. Hey look--they did!..Twice now in Oregon, I have seen single birds dive-bombing and attacking cats. The cats don't even fight the birds--they run. I had never seen a small bird win a confrontation with a cat before; I've now seen it twice in 2 months here.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: I was walking to work 6/22, and on the litle side street beside our apartments (15th Ave.) a young doe was walking in the street toward me. She was not afraid of me either. I was impressed. Wow...There's a nasty corporate burger place near us, and as of recently the drive through is now open 24 hours. I might like to be a 3rd shift burger flipper, you know, someday; I'm just projecting...Thievery, or not. I wondered where the Sunday paper was at around 3 pm; so I opened the front door, and it was still there! At 3 pm! In Georgia your paper gets stolen by 8 am; in Arizona your paper won't make it past 10 am; in Oregon your paper might last into the mid-afternoon. Wow...Laundry; I only dry my clothes for about 30 minutes on low heat--bring 'em home damp, because people (usually) don't steal wet clothes. I oopsidentally left my clothes in a dryer here for 90 minutes--but they were all still there! In Arizona that would have been a Mexican's new wardrobe. In Georgia, I would have found my clothes on the folding table 5 minutes after the dryer stopped.

Life with Static Girl: Did you see on her webpage where she ranted about not liking work, and she only does it for the paycheck? And; other than that she has no use for work. I like that; who do you think she learned that from?..She wants me to get free trade, shade-grown, organic coffee (I got coffee in a recyclable container--it's a start); she's been drinking some real coffee from the coffee-maker; no more generic, fake, powdered crap for her...My scanner! The new "Tiny" computer I bought her runs on a different operating system than her old scanner; so, with my ancient windows '98--I now have her old scanner! My first scan ever, while wearing my Fig Dish t-shirt, was to scan the cover of their 1995 Fig Dish "Toaster", which I will put on my webpage, make wallpaper out of, maybe I can make an e-mail template out of it, too; I AM that toaster!..Dragged her with me to the Thursday night Farmer's Market; we got organic produce, and 2 gorgeous little basil plants to grow...I bought her an official bread knife to cut the wonderful bread she makes...The 'ants in the kitchen' were coming for the sap on one of her trees--now it's an outdoor tree...She bought some organic, shade-grown, $1 per ounce coffee; if she lets me have some I'll tell you about it (maybe). It's okay, I guess--pretty damn expensive, though...Static Girl must keep the balance during a hug; I'm too busy in there, grinning and trembling, with my eyes squinched shut, squeezing my shy goddess close to me, thinking 'Mine mine mine mine!'; balance? What balance? I've almost fallen down at least 5 staircases while hugging her; I'm just saying...I'm shopping, and I find this soap I used to use; "Pure and Natural". This should work great with my yummy vegan girlfriend--so I bought a 3-pack of it, and I was proud! "Look at this wonderful product I have found for you!" She smiled as I handed it to her, then she read the ingredients, and said (bleah) that it was loaded with animal products. P + N? I asked if it was more like "veal" than "vegan"; she laughed and said 'yes'. I said they should call it "Tortured Baby Cow" soap instead--then I wouldn't "celebrate" bringing it home to my little PETA freak girlfriend. I'm still pissed about that...She's wearing my 1995 Hard Rock Cafe Miami shirt, and I'm wearing my 1993 Buffalo Bills shirt; from New York to south Florida is a long distance relationship--but we make it work!..MY girlfriend said something about liking sparklers. So I went out and came back to surprise her with 4 kinds of sparklers--I'm a pretty good boyfriend. I also bought her chocolate, cooked her an incredible dinner, and serviced her perfectly. No wonder I'm so popular...

My FCP has this for me: She still e-mails me, and she saves my e-mails!

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Forget the fake war, our dependence on oil, and illegal immigrant insourcing/corporate career dissolving; the REAL issues are gay marriage and flag-burning. Ha...Here's an angle nobody has taken; if the Duke Lacrosse team was dumb enough to hire a Black stripper mom to "entertain" at their little team party, then perhaps the Duke Lacrosse team deserves some trouble. Lesson learned: Dukey Lacrosse-dressers need to learn about young Asian female massage therapy--specializing in happy endings...(From the tv AND the newspaper:) 40% of 4-6 yr. olds have a television in their bedroom. What?! I'm fucking 40 years old, and I still don't have, wouldn't have, wouldn't LET a goddamn tv into my fucking bedroom. You fuckin dumbass apeshit parental failures with your kiddie fuckin pre-school tv's--you've probably got a tv in the bathroom so you can shit while watching American Fucking Idol, you loser consumers. Where was I?
Man; I read the newspaper, and it's just not a good representation of objectivity and equal time. Editorials are the best parts--I realize that. If I watch the news, it's still usually through the Countdown filter.

A thought to take with you: A Black congresswoman, Sheila Jackson Lee of Houston, reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian- sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Shamiqua, Moeisha, and Jamal. In the words of Dave Barry and myself; I am not making this up.

Bumper Sticker: "No one died when Clinton Lied."

"Honestly; how did you idiots oversimplify things before I came along?" Hey hey hey; that was ME. I said that. So; I can quote myself? Cool.

"It is probably never really wise, or even necessary, or anything better than harmful, to educate a human toward a good end, by telling him lies."--James Rufus Agee

I ain't done me a good looky-here Aristotle quote in years..."We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."--Aristotle

Band names: A couple of triple doubles for you; Human Growth Hormoaners, and Inner-Child Molesters. This shit is easy. Dollar Store Bread Knife. Tortured Baby Cows. Fired and Rehired; or, Unemployed For A Day.


August 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: What? Oh; have I been reading? Not really. Quick--make up something. No; I'm not going to make up something--I have not been reading books. Newspapers, the local "Flagpole" is called the "Eugene Weekly", The CDWorld Drum (every 6 weeks), alternative local musician guides, the Moneysaver, Nickel Ads; and apparently my subscription to Spin Magazine ended, and I'm still pissed about that.

Watching: PTI; even with Jason and Dan as substitutes for Mike and Tony, it's still better than most of your televised dribble. Rescue Me (duh), people tell me I should be watching "Sunny Philadelphia" on F/X as well. Indy and Champ car races; and doesn't pre-season football start up in August?
Out There tv is the best conspiracy show ever; all nutcases, all the time--and some truth, too. I learned about "Star Dreams", the comprehensive crop circle documentary, also learned about another movie coming out called (I think) "A Scanner Darkly", with an all-star cast. Big Brother butt-fucks you for your own safety. I could be Out There.
Watching and Hearing: The Italy/France World Cup Final was like a U2 concert--pretty much as I expected/predicted; 'Streets', 'One', and snips of a couple other songs--yawn; Foo Fighters on a CBS golf promo was nice; did I mention the Gatorade commercial with Edgar Winter in it? Champ Car racing had Aeorsmith and Marilyn Manson, another Champ Car race had Deep Purple; There was new Taking Back Sunday in a Verizon spot, but I'm done actually caring about music in commercials. It used to be fun to be the music-lover, paying total attention to the music instead of the corporate commerce; but now I just don't give a shit.
This 'watching and hearing' thing is usually reserved for background music in tv commercials--and we can continue that now (hey, it WAS a commercial), but with a twist: coming soon to my small DVD collection, Pink Floyd is releasing a double disc set of Pulse, live, and other recordings from their last tour. I drooled during the promo. 'Coming soon' didn't last long; I fuckin' marched down to CDWorld and bought the thing on 7-16. Mine mine mine mine. Ordered the Rescue Me soundtrack, too.
It deserves a mention; the radiating virus that is MTV turned 25; are you happy now? The Young Ones, 120 Minutes, and Beavis and Butthead are what make it deserving of mention.
Movies: I drove a happy Gus to the mall; went alone and sat 2nd row center for Clerks II; woo. Here at home; we watched Garden State together, rented for the 2nd time, because I didn't remember renting it last year. "Saw II" was very good. "Curse of the Were-Rabbit" was fun, too. As a class project, I rented/watched "The Business of Strangers" to see the dark side of women in the business world; feminism is so cute. Cable Guy at work let me borrow "Anchorman"; that was entertaining, too. Tubin'; The Family channel has been running "The Rookie", another sports tear-jerker I love. "Enemy of the State" is doing the repeat shuffle over on AMC--another great flick.

Hearing: The month of July for me can be summed up in 4 discs; my new Rage, new Rescue Me, Five Eight (2004), and Five Eight "Gasolina". I took a break one day to hear the new Tool again, and some Crystal Method--while I was doing the Blah Blah Blah survey, but my month in music was pretty shut-in. Ooo! That's a new nickname for my girlfriend right there, baby! My girlfriend; the pretty shut-in. Damn I'm good.
On July 4th, the Alternative station here played Tool, into NIN, into White Zombie. It reminded me of me; I used to do shit like that 6 nights a week. Go me!
At work, my new supervisor plays Staind, Nickelback, and Prodigy.
New music purchased; my Rescue Me soundtrack came, and (am presently on a Rage Against The Machine tear) on the same trip to pick it up I got Rage's "Battle of Los Angeles". I'll go back for more. I can't find any of my copies of "Evil Empire"; guess I'll be buying that one, too. CDWorld is awesome; if they have ANY problem, it is only that their "used" section gets picked over too well.
Out and About: Back at the Dollar Tree; Jimmy Buffet, Fleetwood Mac; another trip had Chicago and Billy Joel; heard Motley Crue at Dari-Mart; Modern English at a branch of my (current) bank; Moody Blues at ShopKo;
Phone fun; heard some relatively obscure Styx while I was on hold talking to Wal-Mart.

Singing: Eddie Money, Beastie Boys, Newcleus, Zebra, Ted Nugent, Ben Folds, Weezer, Danzig, Better Than Ezra, Ozark Mountain Daredevils, Rage (duh), Five Eight (duh), Meatloaf...

What I want today: A quick rant. Birth control not only exists, but it's readily available, and cheap. So...why are stupid women still breeding accidentally? "Oops, I guess I'm pregnant." With 7 billion people on the planet, that means the planet has about 5 billion people too fucking many. And still there are NO rules for breeding. None. Any fat, ungrateful, yahoo cunt who can get sperm between her legs can shit out more babies than she can watch over. See? I found the problem--and the problem ain't me.
What I want, part deux: "Working" is just fucking stupid. Who dreamed up this bullshit 8 hours a day of lunacy? With an hour lunch--it's 9 hours for me. Static Girl has been working 10.5 hours a day. My Supervisor at work goes from 6 am to 6 pm 5 days a week; perhaps he is hiding from his wife and daughter, sure, but why not just go to the bar? I might work a 12-hour day if I could do it in my underwear, which is kinda (exactly) what I did with the radio--and that's what I'd like to do with a home business, but I can't stay fully dressed and out in public for 12 hours straight. Fuck all of you morons. I will beat this system yet. I found a new work-at-home guide; shall I purchase it?
Part III: I want for Gus to ride forever. But he may not. If I have to live on without Gus, then I want a diesel. But not some new piece of crap. I want a beat-up, 1982, brown, Mercedes 280 D, 4-door mutherfucking tank, covered with rust, bondo and duct tape; I'll run bio-diesel in it and swarm the body with bio-diesel stickers. And I'll hang my head out the window, wave off people, and scream "Get outta the way!!!" as I slowly putter through traffic, and honk the wheezing horn. At least I have a plan, bitch.

New stuff this month or so: July 3rd; I suffered another injury. There will be no detailing...On July 5th I went and bought $20 worth of gsoline. Ouch. I hadn't bought gas in like, 7 weeks...Oh; and oil is back up over $75 a barrel now. Ha...July 7th, late at night, laying in bed, I figured out that my best application of creative energy would be to write a few more incredibly complex poems--shit that nobody else can do ("April's Tow" type stuff). Not that it's going to matter or anything--just so I can say that I did it...The football prediction shows have started up; the first one I saw has everybody coming over to my side--picking the Patriots to beat the Panthers in the Superbowl (those have been my picks for 3 years)...Went and got Gus' new water pump installed at the No Name Garage, and bought him the Slick 50 high mileage treatment; he likes it. My new mechanic drinks local Mirror Pond beer; and now I do, too...My shortest baircut yet; it's the quarter-inch clip. I look like a cancer-victim skinhead; nice...90 degrees in the fucking shade, 105 in the street; and when it's too hot to masturbate, like it is now, I am not a happy camper...302 million is the lowest of my current 5 Soprano's pinball high-scores; good luck bumping one off...At my regular bank branch, this smokin' hot babe teller was obviously flirting with me--so I asked for her name; she said "Chevelle", and I am impressed...Tubes! With my back problems, I am a natural promoter of the large (65 cm) exercise balls. Now I have learned about the exercise tubes; $12, stretchy, with the handles on both ends; the portable workout. I alternate between ball and tube exercises; it's easy, fast, effective, and my back hurts less now than I remember in the last few years. With some ingenuity, you can "tube out" butterflys, and do amazing range reps. Since I am not performing much of a "creative exercise" (poetry), I am now "exercising creatively".

Occupational Hazards This Month: I'm slipping back into old habits at work--some are amusing; they already fired me once. Women-bashing is so easy; the trick is to insult your own audience with grace and tact--I ain't quite fucking there yet, okay? Some fat girl filed a complaint against me at work--look at the concern on my face...So my boss tells me; 'Hey; quit sniffing the highlighter pens. Jeezus!'; and the room got eerily quiet. Earlier that day, he had snatched my very first (ever) Mountain Dew "Amp" off of my desk; saying 'The last thing you fuckin' need is an energy drink!' Everybody else at work drinks Rockstars; 2 or 3 of them a day. I don't need another drinking problem--I have too many already...I help the class with their inquiries on cough syrup and nail polish remover...It won't last; I will be moved to a new seat soon, but from my station right now I get to look out the window at CDWorld--nice...

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: She moves in mysterious ways.

What's different here than in college town: Dude; this place ain't all that different from Athens. There are a few bands who practice in storage units here (probably in college every town); the first band I saw practicing in a bin here was Internal Chaos--hard rock. They have a gig Aug 11th at the Tiny Tavern--might have to go see them. Tiny Tav is across the street from the new Papa's Soul Food (oh baby), near the biggest burritos in town (Las Brasas), and close to the Laughing Planet vegan restaurant; this could be a whole evening now...Who knows how Athens is rolling these days; but out here we have a local bank, Umpqua, which has branch coffee bars, ice cream stands, big-screen tv's and couches with local sports on, and the bank even put out its own CD (compact disc) of undiscovered local bands. Bands (from the CD) frequently play gigs inside the bank branches. How fucking cool is that? If the bank of Fargo won't give me an unsecured loan, I'm already doing the Umpqua dance...College town; I read in the Flagpole online that Patrick Ferguson is drumming in a new band "Music Hates You"; I'm going to need some details on that...

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Fresh produce! The local, organic dark cherries are incredible. Logging here is killing off some endangered spotted owl; I find it hard to care about dying owls when WW III will be starting in August. Our local power company is going to buy some wind power, and maybe even set up a wind farm of our own; cool. The biotech clothing coming out of Nature Works LLC in Nebraska is getting a big Pacific Northwest push; I still say that hemp is the future. To buy a product based solely on it's brand name seems so juvenile; and then at work I heard about "Smoking Wound" wine. Styx will be playing for free at our County Fair; have you ever seen a 40 yr. old guy heckle 60 yr. olds in a band?

Life with Static Girl: She is a brilliant, evil bitch; she has Double-Stuff Oreo's stashed in her room--hidden from me...Finally wrote a poem for her, and it's a pretty good poem, too (she smiled); I quote lines from it to her, and the rest of you morons will never see it...I cook organic, local potatos and zucchini w/garlic; yum. Next I will add mushrooms...Planning for life after Gus, I was asking her about my next vehicle; she says that I might as well (do some repairs, and) keep driving Gus--because whatever fix-it's he needs are probably less than those of some other vehicle. Wow. Did I mention that she is brilliant?..And she cooks! I learned about Pesto sauce from the Magic Bullet infomercial, but Static Girl knows how to make it for real--and it's delicious!..Cornbread! My girlfriend makes the finest in the universe; it can be a meal, OR a dessert...She's been smiling more lately, and I've been more depressed; are we trading personas?..The heat wave hit, and she's been walking around the house (nearly naked) with substantially less clothing on--life is good!..She's been going to work before 5 am, which means she goes to bed before 8 pm; I can't even imagine that type of discipline...She wanted a towel, so I went and bought her a green Egyptian Cotton luxury thingie; I also bought 2 "schools" of new non-stick fishies for our tub, so girlfriend won't have to sing 'Do you slip like I do?' in there...In the heat wave, with our guinea pig staying slightly cooler downstairs, I named the smaller cage her "Summer Home"...Mine is the best girlfriend in the room; wait, I meant "realm".

My FCP has this for me: She still e-mails me! She's still the 2nd best woman in the world, and I still plan to squeeze her in to my future.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: I saw the problems with athletes and steroids back in the 1980's--my high school drug dealers were way ahead of their time. When Jose Canseco's 'big book of bad' came out, and was treated as total shock value and lies, I said that we would need to wait and see. Years later, (also as I predicted) Canseco has ALREADY turned out to be at least 2/3 correct--about everything. Canseco will never get the positive credit he deserves, but he helped bring attention to the fucking farce that is major league baseball. (I feel bad about believing Barry Bonds was clean in 2001.)

A thought to take with you: A guy at my job has a button on his desk that says "I love the whole stupid ass world." An obvious lack of proofreading; yes, but it's the thought that counts.

Just the headline from a national news story: "Studies show young women becoming more violent with partners."

Our local "Saturday Market" has all kinds of cool clothing; some of our homegrown t-shirts have better sayings than the average sheep might expect. There's a familiar one available that states: "Eugene; we're all here because we're not all there." I may have found my 2nd home.

Conspiracy admission! Free of charge! Copy and paste! Tell your friends! (From somewhere in the Etherzone, hyperlink my hairy White ass...) On page 405 of the paperback edition of his "Memoirs" that Random House published in 2002, David Rockefeller says this:
"For more than a century ideological extremists at either end of the political spectrum have seized upon well-publicized incidents such as my encounter with Castro to attack the Rockefeller family for the inordinate influence they claim we wield over American political and economic institutions. Some even believe we are part of a secret cabal working against the best interests of the United States, characterizing my family and me as ‘internationalists’ and of conspiring with others around the world to build a more integrated global political and economic structure – one world, if you will. If that’s the charge, I stand guilty, and I am proud of it."

Band names; Pools of Blood, A New Place to Hide Bodies, Summer Home


September 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: What? I go back and read my old commentaries sometimes. I read the rough drafts of some of my old radio rants--some of those were pretty good.

Watching: Rescue Me (3 different rapes in the show this month--advertisers are pulling spots, bible-thumpers want the show cancelled; even if the show sucked it would be the most popular thing on tv. You have to love the F/X channel.), PTI, UFO shows, Sunny Philadelphia is okay--but it's obviously fake...The rock video show Hard Times did a Rammstein special--nice!
(From CNN, through SportSouth, and past Inside Schwartz) FSN has its own late sports highlights show called "Final Score"; (my boy) Van Earl Wright co-hosts it sometimes, and after 16+ years he is still my favorite sports announcer ever. I am very glad to see him still bringing it like the boss he is. He's been on 2 Tuesdays in a row; go Van Earl!
Saw Kevin Smith and Soul Asylum on Leno; it's like 1994 all over again.
Saw Larry King interview Bill Maher for about 3 minutes; I've been Bill Maher since 2000, and I am still Bill Maher.
Video rentals: Kung-Fu Hustle was barely watchable, still trying to rent What the bleep do we know?, but they're all rented, so I settled for Jersey Girl--the last Kevin Smith movie I hadn't seen, and it was good. Thank goodness for the Blockbuster grace period. Finally saw 'Bleep 2'.
Shit that we own: For inspiration, I re-watched Clerks at 1 am on a Saturday night.
This month had 3 class projects: Project 1 was to watch all 3 hours of "The Sound of Music" with my girlfriend. It was the first VHS movie watched in my new #1 VCR; both dumb and cute, and I'm glad I finally saw it. Project # 2 was to watch 5 hours, on 2 discs, of What The Bleep Do We Know/Down The Rabbit Hole. I slept through some of it, but overall a good flick. It might even make me reconsider some of my own perspectives, you know, if I thought any of this shit really mattered. Where was I? Project 3 was convincing my girl to go with me to see "Who Killed The Electric Car?". Wow. Go see what electric cars can do now, and be shocked.
Watching and Hearing: CDWorld, the incredible music store of Eugene, walking distance from me, now also has a tv commercial.
Have you seen Little Richard in that Geico commercial?
Finally saw the Safeway commercial Eric told me about 2 years ago; it has Caviar's "Lioness" as background music, and it is excellent. By the way; I love Safeway, and so does my girlfriend.

Hearing: Rescue Me soundtrack, Clerks soundtrack, Mallrats soundtrack, 2 cool local CD's from the Umpqua bank, and I'll be going back there for the full-length Rye Hollow CD...Finally filled up my CDWorld stamp booklet, and for my gift CD I chose Radiohead's "OK Computer" (Spin magazine's pick for the most important album of the last 20 years). Woo. Maybe I should've gotten Rage's "Evil Empire", but I went with my gut on this one.
Doing a little classic rock radio at work; John Cougar, Tom Petty, Van Halen, and then BOOM, it's 10,000 Maniacs "These Are The Days". I love the song, and I'm not complaining; but nothing Natalie Merchant sings is classic rock.
Out and About: BTO and Loverboy at Dollar Tree; at Safeway we heard "Tom Sawyer" Rush (which I find incredible); another trip to Safeway had the Bangles, and another Safeway run had me dancing in the aisles and kissing Static Girl to Paula Cole, Supertramp and KISS; the final Safeway run of the month had Styx and U2; heard Quarterfalsh at Taco Time.
Singing: Bob Geldoff, Bob Seger, Cake, David Gilmour, Rush, Styx, Sweet, Harvey Danger, ARS, Concrete Blonde, Blondie, Dolly Parton, Radiohead, Fat Boy Slim, Everclear, Third Eye Blind, Deep Purple

What I want today: I want a war. Where are these fucking suicide bombers? Toxic hair gel in a suitcase at the airport is pussy shit; I want to see some live kamikazee mutherfuckers crashing and burning into hospitals, churches and elementary schools full of babies, cripples and retards. Bleeding Nuns; and smoking guns. I want a war; not this fake farce of failed diplomacy. Death beckons...

New stuff this month or so: This is the month that I will get my shit together, and do blah blah blah...It is more apparent than ever how I am losing my memory, attention span, and ability to learn new things; and rather than get all depressed about it, I'm just going to enjoy this little tumble down the side of the mountain. Wheee...I've been exercise-balling and tube-stretching...Did I have a birthday; what am I, like 50 now? Great. Calm down; yes we had a birthday--went and scored 543 million on my Soprano's pinball; drank like a fish, smoked like a chimney, and laid out of work the next day (later this week I would go back and score a -24 on Cedar Meadows of Golden Tee). Went and got new Oregon license plates for Gus, and checked out the awesome Umpqua bank--bought their local music CD "Sacramento to Seattle" (Rye Hollow rocks!), also got a special internet code to go to the bank's website and burn my own CD from 210 different songs. I may have a new bank. Also checked out the local satellite tv service. I have a new #1 VCR, and a new digital camcorder that my girlfriend will have to show me how to use...Been drinking Alaskan Amber beer (bottled in Juneau, baby) when I cross-train from my local Mirror Pond beer...With cotton swabs and alcohol I (sort of) cleaned my 7 yr. old keyboard for the first time. So it's not really clean, but the first few layers of soot and shake are mostly gone, and now I am celebrating a mini-partial-accomplishment (this is how my life works)...Re-reading some of the Edgar Cayce Health book, and he says that almonds are one of the best foods--to be eaten everday, so I've got the whole house here eating almonds now...3 more 300+ million scores of Sopranos pinball; you'll now need to beat my 373 million just for the bottom score--good luck!..Frozen asparagus is very tasty...Around 8-22-06, I had an attitude adjustment (see the first "thought" below); it's up to me to be the good example that should exist. Life is "Not An Exact Science", and I will be injecting my personality into this world...I dropped and lost over $30 and my grocery receipt in either the Safeway or Dollar Tree (or Jasper's Deli). It is painful, but (the shifted me) is trying to find the good in it.
Referenced in national publications? Maybe. I am not the only fool out there who questions whether we went to the moon in 1969. Others are now asking (as I did back in 2001) why America doesn't have a telescope to look at our flag on the moon. It's because a flagpole on the moon would be nearly impossible to see from earth. Sorry. But why hasn't one of the THOUSANDS of satellites going around the moon/earth taken a click or 2 of our space car, tire tracks, footprints, or our flag? There is where the discrepancy is; in 37 years, of hundreds of thousands of satellite pictures, never even one picture of anything American on the moon. Ever. Never ever. None. How fucking dumb does a sheep have to be in order to not grasp this? ONE picture. How about an ACCIDENTAL picture; like, 'Our satellite camera was trying to twist around and pick up part of a meteor shower, but we missed. Anyway; here's a photo of (the car, the flag, some tire tracks, or a spaceship landing piece) all the stupid shit we left littered up on the moon in 1969.' Hello?
This month at the Dollar Tree; dark chocolate M + M's in a purple wrapper; my new, huge lettuce crisper; another Coke glass for my girlfriend (she broke one of hers); and there's a new cute blonde girl for me to flirt with.

Pesonal shit for my own memory banks this month: Marco Andretti won his first Indy Car race, and it was at Infineon. After 2 Hole-in-one's on Golden Tee in my 7 years of playing, I had 5 or 6 of them in August; also, I beat the tournament opponent for the 2nd time ever--I'll find out this weekend (9-2-06) if I can now challenge my own -23 of Buckhorn on the card. My first non-Gran Turismo purchase for my PS2 was to get the Classic Gottlieb pinball machines game; it's 7 old pinball tables--one of them is Black Hole (1981). Last day of August I signed up for Dish network; cable just isn't trying hard enough anymore--and I want to work at the cool satellite place.

Occupational Hazards This Month: August 1st, got moved, my new station at work is closer to CDWorld, but now my back is to it; I turn around and sigh like Charlie Brown...They call me a Psycho Cannibal Pedophile--can't argue with that, or with being a beastial necrophiliac...A young guy at work says that frequently I sound exactly like Bill Murray. Okay. I already LOOK like Bill Murray...New schedule at work is 7 am to 4 pm; that will free up an extra hour in the afternoon to be disappointed by humans...After getting my hair cut down to 1/4 inch, 3 other guys (2 managers and the cable guy) at work have followed suit. 4? 4 other guys want to be hairlessly cool like me...My formerly "boring" lunch sandwiches now often have tomatos, Walla Walla onions, deli turkey, and pepperjack cheese; my "cardboard-flavored crackers" are now often Garlic Triscuits, or Big Cheese-Its (yum)...They're having a company barbeque at the beginning of next month; place your bets on whether I will be allowed to attend--or even still employed there...They told us at work that our current jobs will not exist after December; the section I work in will be eliminated. I was depressed about it at first, even tried to quit once, but now I am injecting my good personality into it. I panicked early, and I'm fine now. Other people are starting to freak out; I am amused...The bar-b-que is tomorrow; I have made killer hot vegetarian beans.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Taking a new approach to trying to add a measure of God into my routine...I studied a UFO show that suggested how many of the miraculous events in the bible could well have been alien encounters. What they called 'wheels in the sky' may have been imports from more sensible realities...This "What The Bleep" movie says that we humans had to create God because of how important it is to have the masses of sheeple blindly follow and accept things. Hmmm. I'll go with the idea that "organized religion" is a crock, but I don't think man created God. There MUST be a God. There had better be a God; if there is no God, and this reality hologram is a product of specific cell-firings day-dreamed up by snooty beings of higher intellects, then I am going to blow up their laboratory. It could be time to butt-fuck some alien fudge-monkeys; my apologies to God.
On another note from the God files; let's discuss "species significance". Hang on; I DO believe in God, and I respect the choices we are allowed to make. I call this religious stew "God and Sons" for a reason. The reason? We are the bottom of the food chain; we are plankton. We humans cannot withstand high heat or low frost; our need for air disallows us from breathing underwater or in space. We are non-mutating viral algae in the greater scheme. God does not look like us, and not one of God's sons ever even remotely resembled us. Man DID create the false visual appeal of the Almighty, and that was in order to strike fear and command respect in other humans. But make no mistake; WE humans are the outcasts. The aliens drink in their bars and talk about humans like the inconvertible little circus freaks we are. Please do not let me be judged by the same principles other humans are.

What's different here than in college town: The big state fair where Styx is/was playing is $8 for admission--very reasonable. But the EXTRA tickets for the actual Styx concert were an additional $30. No. Sorry. I may still go to the fair, but I'll just keep humming "Suite Madame Blue" to myself. Thank you...No fair; my back hurt on Styx day, and I wasn't motivated enough to demand that my girl go with me that weekend...Dew Action Sports (X Games) had amazing skateboarding and bicycle competitions--from Portland...The Little League World Series USA final had Georgia beating Oregon; cool. Then Georgia beat Japan to be the world champs; that's awesome.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: I can't believe I still have this shit on my Sidebar. I wish TPG the best...An August power bill in Phoenix was $200. An August power bill here is $43.

Life with Static Girl: She likes the term "Pretty shut-in", and she likes 'best girlfriend in the realm', too. She's been working 11-hour days; she's crazy...She and I watch VH-1 "90's" shows and laugh together...She was eating chocolate chips out of the bag, and I asked for a couple; she "tried" to feed me 4 little chips, but missed my mouth with all four of them...Another black t-shirt, the (band) Moonwater Ouija board shirt, has finally shrunk up too much for me to wear, but it looks fantastic on my alien goddess girlfriend...She took me out for another great birthday dinner at Ring of Fire (like last year)...My girlfriend looks like babe-o-licious Liv Tyler; I'm a very lucky man...My Static Yum Yum really should be an underwear model--it's too bad she won't let me take any pictures of her like that...She pulled some basil nuggets out of our garden, and I cooked them up with some excellent potatos and carrots; yum...I like to watch Star Trek TNG with her on the warped tour...She is such a good vegan; making her own sandwich bread, and we're going to try to make hummus here, too. Granola bars?..After my internal polar shift, she is now my precious cargo when I'm driving her around; and she appreciates that... I made broccasparagus hominy rice; I am cool.

My FCP has this for me: She's doing well and loving life--somebody needs to. Even without a direct influence on me, her existence alone (just knowing she's out there) makes the world a better place, and makes me a better person. Guess I've known her for over 13 years now; what a great female. She should teach classes.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Are we at war yet? All news is just entertainment now, so how about some entertainment news?! David Duchoveny (Fox Mulder) says that everybody is already signed on to do another X-Files movie--which would be about 10 years after the first X-Files movie. 'Mulder' says that it will be a great success because the X-Files is a much better franchise than Mission Impossible (that's D. D. talking smack to Tom Cruise--I like it). Are we at war yet?..It's hard to take Nancy Grace seriously, and I don't, but (while flipping channels) it was on her show that I learned about Scot Peterson's new gravy gig: after being found guilty of murdering his wife and unborn baby, and then being sentenced to die, here is a typical day for Scottie: 5 hours of exericse outside, 4 hours in the legal library--with computers, then catered, multi-course meals (and ice cream) brought to his private room--where he enjoys television at his leisure. Now that's punishment; sign me the fuck up for that! He also gets (e-mail, snail mail, and) daily visits from female fans who line up and beg to suck his dick, yes--daily, but that's just because women are stupid--we already knew that. My point is that Scot is living better than I am; no responsibility, better food, more sex, more exercise, and he's reading more. Thank goodness Mr. Pete is paying his dues. Fresh air exercise, the library, and daily blow jobs; can I be on death row, too? Fuck all of you. Why aren't we dead yet?..Am I at the bar? Why am I not at the bar?..The media spent a week telling us about how they finally found the killer of some 6 yr. old girl in Colorado 10 years ago; and then DNA evidence cannot even put the guy in the same state. Wouldn't a real reporter, or a cop, or SOME-fucking-BODY somewhere check the DNA bfore calling CNN? I'm just asking...

A thought to take with you: "Make a game of finding something positive in every situation. Ninety-five percent of your emotions are determined by how you interpret events to your self." Brian Tracy

More with the confirmed conspiracy stuff; the Etherzone link is:

Bumper sticker on a cute hippie girl's car (she smiled at me):
"Save the earth so we have some place to boogie".

Said by me at work in a Bill Murray voice: 'There are people who drink hot coffee at 3 in the afternoon; they read tabloid stories about Brad and Angelina, and they watch those fake reality tv shows; and THESE people--these people NEED to be lied to by their government. Oh; sorry. Ahem. It's a Cinderella story, here in Augusta...'

Band names: Bleeding Nuns, Basil Nuggets, Frozen Asparagus, Company Barbeque, Death Row, Grace Period, Not An Exact Science


October 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: Spin magazine! My subscription ended, but it just keeps on coming. This month I get to read about Panic at the Disco, Amy Lee, and the Lemonheads revival.
Online; have you heard about "The Douglass Report"? He's a Dr., but he undercuts the regular media medicine monopoly. He says that water is bad; beer, eggs and pork chops are good. See; now THAT'S the kind of shit I want to read about on the internet. I don't get online to read stock reports and soap opera updates.

Watching: Static Girl and I are the newest members of the Dish Network cult! I gave cable every chance in the book to keep our business--they didn't want us! We have "America's Top 120", which is over 200 channels of tv--plus over 100 channels of music (there's an Elvis channel, a Rolling Stones channel, and an Elton John channel), and 8 total HBO's for Real Time with Bill Maher. Toon Disney has old episodes of "The Tick", Discovery Health is informative and gruesome, we finally have Chicago's WGN again, and Bravo! I'm also doing research on Fuse and IFC. We have a DVR, and life will be so much easier now.
Static Girl and I watched the premier of House together...and Bones together; yay...
PTI freaks love seeing TK on Monday Night Football, but Tony has to loosen up--maybe yell a little. Punch Tirico, and kick Theisman in the nuts; take over the booth and just start yelling at the people in the stands.
I DVR FSN's Final Score every night, just in case Van Earl Wright is anchoring it. He's a little more reserved now than in 1991, but still the most entertaining sports guy ever.
2-hour Discovery show; "Assault on Waco", all about the 1993 Branch Davidian complex attack. Wow.
Video Rentals: Dude; I've got 8 HBO's, and more channels than I can check. There will be no more random rentals--only the occaisional class project.
Class Projects: This month we rented/watched the original "What the Bleep Do We Know" movie, and it was excellent. I stayed awake for all of it, and realized that it was filmed in Portland, too. External versus internal; quantum reality, chance enacts change, karma, attitude, disposition--no wonder so many people are all swirled up by this movie. Projection, and using your mind to create a better reality for yourself is a very good idea. Static Girl says she does Reike to help her with that; I just mumble and cuss. Yeah; project THIS, mutherfucker. My babe girlfriend could be Marlee Matlin's twin. Where the hell was I? Class projects! Yeah; Static Girl borrowed The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy from some idiot at her job; I mean, a valued co-worker. That was very entertaining; and I liked the altering of perspectives--I usually do.

Watching and Hearing: I watch, and I hear; I just don't fucking care anymore. Wait; I heard some Goo and some REM in the back of the Chicagoland Indy Car race.
So I trek out to the bar on a Tuesday, at noon, unemployed as I am, because that's what I do; and at the bar they're all watching this great DVD history of The Flaming Lips. What a band. I remember them--a little; song "She Don't Use Jelly", and album "Clouds Taste Metallic". Somebody in the history described the Lips as 'Yes meets the Sex Pistol's'; life is good. They just wanted to play with Janes Addiction; what's wrong with that? On the jukebox at the bar is the newest NIN, With Teeth, and the other listed song is MY song "Right Where It Belongs"--which I sing to our guinea pig, but still have never heard on the radio.

Hearing: Rage's 'Battle', Five Eight's "Gasolina", and a critical listen to "Bleed Like Me" Garbage proves that this was Garbage saying goodbye--how did I miss that before? (I finally added an empty milk crate to my collection, so now I have a place to put my new purchases from CDWorld.)
Music news: True Trent freaks already know; in case you don't, there will be new NIN by February 2007 (I'm already drooling)...How do you get David Gilmour and Crystal Method on the same album? Check out the new Alan Parsons CD "A Valid Path"... Speaking of Pink Floyd, Roger Waters has political props on the flying pigs of his new American tour, and good for him. A big, piggy ass with the words "Impeach Bush" on it might make me smile...Anybody heard the new Everclear yet?
Out and About: Eagles and Chicago at Safeway, then Janet Jackson and Pink Floyd at Safeway; at Dollar Tree we heard Bangles and then air-guitared through Eddie Money, another run had Barry Manilow, the Cars and J. Geils; Elton at Izzy's; not my usual bank branch had some really obscure Eddie Money; and then Safeway had Bob Seger and James (wow).
Singing: Rage, Jimmy Buffet, Stabbing Westward, POD, Downtrodden, Hazel Virtue, Crystal Method, Throwing Muses, Newcleus. This is dumb; I sing way too much shit in 1 day to list everything I've mumbled through for the past month.

What I want today: A new career. Careers only last a few months now, and I'm ready to drive a bus; maybe. Or sell satellite tv. Maybe some computer customer service. AAA might have a room here. There's another decent phone room downtown. Cruise-shipping? I did the open house at cruise-ship land, and it looks great. E-Resume time.

New stuff this month or so: Back pain, neck pain, new holes in my teeth, shit in my pants; never mind...I lost some of my typings here, and I don't type that much anyway. It must have been when my screen froze and I had to restart the whole computer. But the writings should be somewhere; I didn't delete everything, and what isn't somewhere new should be where it was true, right? So where is my rant about (I know a guy who is) the father of a teenager right now? I was working on another Summer rant about my attitude shift, too. And I had been thinking about writing some other me-only things, as well. Is this a sign to get back on the clipboard? I mean, I finally write some shit, and then it gets lost. Fuck all of you...More on getting old: I used to remember and forget facts and oddities quicker than I could talk about them. NOW I obsess over the most pathetic of details, and let my mood swing on the waves of fuzzy and incoherent patterns that may or may not be etched somewhere on my internal hard drive. I lose my shit while I'm looking for it, then find it later when the moment has passed. A complete commentary in 3 sentences; wow (I'm like a kid with toys all over the floor; 'Hey kid, how do you even know what you're playing with?')...Trying to figure out, from a different perspective, where the roots of my anger lie (please, next time, let's obsess over something relelvant). The newest conclusion (here in adult diaper memory land) is that I rebelled against commercial society with a personalized minimalism that was always enough to keep me entertained. That was a complete commentary in 2 sentences--I hope you're paying attention here...Me only, mutherfucker...Losing my job freed up some time for me to go make 3 dentist visits, and I was praised for actually flossing daily.
This month at the Dollar Tree; Guess I better head on over there and see what's new; brb...Cool! Great music while we picked up my new water bottle and a couple of Raisinettes movie boxes. The big news is that my "stuffed jalapeno" chips now have a cousin; "sweet Maui onion" chips, in a purple bag...Back to shop; purple dental tape, strawberry newtons, and funky mushrooms.
Pesonal shit for my own memory banks this month: Broke my fitness tubes; I was doing my fake butterflys, and the tubes were not meant to be quite that creative; one broken end snapped back and left a nice burn on my right hand...Lunch break oil change...It took over an hour to top my lowest pinball score (373 million), and I only bumped it up to 380, then on a later day to 388; but good luck putting your initials on MY Soprano's pinball--I will get all 5 scores over 400 mil, even with the weak right flipper and broken spinner lane...The spinner lane is fixed, but the right flipper is weaker and even less reliable; it's very exciting now...Unemployed bar run; 2-player game of Sopranos pinball, player 1 got 539 million, player 2 got 206 million. It took 90 minutes, and I won 5 games total; 4 credits during play, and 1 more replay for the #2 score overall. 394 million is the low score now (the last score under 400). Last day of the month; 485 mil on Sopranos; the lowest score is 424; good luck...My ear and my bed are starting to act up again--this can't be good...9-24-06; while telling her about all of the good news in my life, my Mom went into a Mom tirade. I went nuts. I screamed and cussed, and apparently blacked out for this exercise. I don't even know what all kinds of hateful shit I said to her, but she's pissed now--won't even accept my apology. Maybe if I cared; but it is weird how I don't remember any of it...
Occupational Hazards This Month: More panic and despair. My old supervisor from the last call center job is now working there...I've got to quit taking it so seriously and getting so frustrated; it's just a fucking job...Got into a yell-fest with some idiot fuck on the phone on 9-15; I let him get to me, which was just wrong, and let it ruin my day--which was just dumb. Grrr. I used to be the best phone shark ever; what the fuck happened to me?..And this career ended on the morn of 9-18-06; I went to work, was told there was a problem, and then I left. Buh-bye...Back to being the busiest unemployed guy on the planet; bank meetings, job interviews, music studies, bar runs, and dental visits...Computer follow-up job-searching led to an online personality profile, and that led to a face-to-face, from which I was hired immediately. This is the employment opportunity I wanted, at the place I wanted, with the frills I wanted. Stay tuned.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is not an organized religion. Cancel your current subscription and make it personal; the Overnight Guy told you that.

What's different here than in college town: 1A: I used to do beer, pinball and Golden Tee at Steve's...2A: I lived less than a mile from the most dangerous intersection in college town...Somebody, or some group, broke in to (our) College Hill water tower here and vandalized a bit. The police were called, but the police did not respond. Yawn. The newspaper kind of skipped past how ineffective our police are, and how easy it would be to contaminate our water; hmmm...I watched for it this year; on the Friday evening of 9-22-06 was the first night that you could see your breath outside--I guess it was in the 40's; I dug the brown comforter out of the closet and re-assigned it to my bed. I love the chilly weather...Heading in to Fall, yes, it's the last drowning gurgle to experience the Northwest Summer brews here: this brew is called "Curve Ball", made by Pyramid; Curve Ball is a mild, smooth Summer brew; nothing wrong with that, but it's boring...Bend, OR's Deschutes Brewery, the home base of my Mirror Pond (and Static Daddy's Black Butte Porter), has a seasonal ale called "Twilight", which I will start drinking today after I finish my coffee. Yum.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: 1B: Then I did beer, pinball and Golden Tee at Sam's in Phoenix. 1C: Out here I do beer, pinball and Golden Tee at Jim's...2B: In Arizona we lived a quarter mile from the 4th most dangerous intersection in America; 2C: here we live about a half mile from the most dangerous intersection in our town (yawn)...My bar out here has want-ads in the paper for a daytime bartender; could that be my next career?..About a mile from where we live; 2 guys decided to try to extract hash oil from a trash bag full of pot. Their butane ignited (butane?); it blew up the back half of their house and started a fire; they lost all their pot, and both got 2nd degree burns over most of their legs (that's cops, fire trucks, and parameds--have a nice day explaining this one)...Deepest sympathies to the lovely widow Irwin (Rains) and her family; before her marriage she was a lifelong resident of Eugene, OR...The local Franz bakery makes the best bread ever available in stores.

Life with Static Girl: Static Girl is pricing high speed internet for us, which will enable us to dump the $60 a month phone service...Every day I hear people talk about what's wrong with their relationships; I giggle. Every day I find new reasons to brag about my girl...Does she have spider bites on her leg?..She's loving avocados again, and so am I...It takes precise timing and attention on my part, but I try to be done in the bathroom on workday mornings by 6:15 am; that's when my sleepy girlfriend does her whisper walk to the toothbrush; she is an awoken goddess, with her poofy hair all over the place. I grab her, hug her, and moan heavily; it's a treat that no one else will ever know...I bring my girlfriend 2 Hershey kisses, and our guinea pig 3 frozen peas when I come to visit; I fly up the steps and say 'Coming up to see my girls!'...On the same day that I got my newest career (9-22-06), she got hired full time by the place she's been working for (no more temp agency)...We've been leaving little notes for each other, like happy lovers do; most of you wouldn't understand...I tried to invent holographic, interactive dinner for her, but she just wanted food on a plate...

My FCP has this for me: She's been doing specific prayers for me, and I am very thankful. May I recommend to all of you; find an FCP of your own who will worship you from afar, pray for you, and inspire you to keep chugging along.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: "The hardest part of my job is connecting Iraq to 9/11." -- George Bush (You can't make up shit this good.)...Freak accident; the Croc Hunter (Steve Irwin) dies from the sting of a ray; the heroic humanitarian will be missed...Pete Coors was arrested for driving drunk--now that's classic...Generality: Inequality runs rampant; the difference between rich and poor has never been greater, and is separating at an exponential rate. People who have never believed in any sort of conspiracy theories are sitting up and saying 'What the fuck?' to the income gap. I'd quit paying taxes if I knew how to stop...Ford cuts 10,000 jobs and closes 2 Detroit plants (yawn)...On the comics page, so as to not cause a stir, we learn that George Lucas has given USC, his old college, a $175 million gift (if you've got so much money that you're giving your college millions, then it's time for you to die)...

A thought to take with you: There are so many different quotes by so many different famous people on this subject; I have dabbled into this proclamation thousands of times, as well. Nobody pays attention, and nobody cares; so let's start from scratch, right here, and do a new one: It is an American free speech right to question the government and those who govern it; including questions of the little dry drunk, nazi puppet who stole the last election. People complain about how I oversimplify things; sure, but the U.S. President has narrowed down his perspective to 2 nouns--good, and evil. And the Pres. doesn't seem to understand that by invading countries that have not harmed us--we invaded the WRONG country; that makes the U.S. evil.

"Yesterday the devil came here. Right here. Right here. And it still smells of sulphur today, this table that I am now standing in front of." -- Hugo Chavez, speaking about our American President Bush.

Band names: "Bucketful of Viagra" (from "House", sort of), E-coli spinach, Funky Mushrooms, Already Drooling


November 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: I'll be getting some new sales book soon; yay. I could read a book about how our country went to shit 20 years ago, but I already know that. I'm still working through much frustration in creating my own 9/11 commentary--5 years later. Now 5 years and a month later. More.
No more Spin magazine. Oh well.
I proofread the newspaper, the former Spin magazine, training materials from potential new employment, coupon books, Nickel Ads, even the guides offering courses at local community colleges!..and I am convinced that grammar, spelling, and continuity are lost. So go fuck yourself with abbreviated and unintelligible text-messaging; I am not amused.

Watching: I can't count all the movies I get to watch now...The new Dr. Who is still excellent...I record an average of 2 Family Guy's per day; then I check to see if I've seen them before--I usually watch them again anyway. (During the Showtime preview) Showtime has this dark show called Dexter; also a series called Weeds. Hmmm.
I can manipulate the tv in such a way that there is always something to watch/always a way to avoid people. Lucky me.
I can't watch it all, but I daily record: PTI, MSNBC's "Countdown", the Daily Show, Out There TV, and FSN's "Final Score".
After all the deleting, and finally completing, and then putting up my worthless 9/11 commentary, grrrr, Out There TV ran the entire "Loose Change" movie. Wow. I'm not mad at Loose Change, or Out There TV, just mad that I labored so intensely for something that has already been done better. My focus, which seemed so relevant to me, was about the entirely impossible "brave passengers rising up" premise on flight 93--used to motivate Americans into war. Foolish me; I was damning the band-aid when I should have been cursing the government-infilcted wound. Honest aim, but lousy trajectory. Welcome to my world.

Class Projects: Full Metal Jacket. Raising Arizona. Fargo (with targeted commercials). It's just me in the class, though. Static Girl isn't dumb or desperate enough to watch news, or old movies anymore. Good for her.

Watching and Hearing: took my Pink Floyd "Pulse" DVD to the bar and watched half of it there--that was fun. Can you play DVD's at your bar? Halloween week has my bar playing hack-and-slice B grade horror movies on their DVD player. It might be the best bar ever.

Hearing: Failure's "Fantastic Planet", Rescue Me (over and over), Knapsack's "Day 3" over and over--can't find my Silver Sweepstakes Knapsack CD; found my first ever used Radiohead CD at CDWorld; paid $8 for Pablo Honey--so now I can hear "Creep" whenever I want to; like now. Bought this month at CDWorld; Story of the Year's "Page Avenue", and the accidental treasure that is the X-Files movie soundtrack, also Filter's "Amalgamut" from 2002. We WENT to CDWorld looking for more Knapsack--they had none, but I learned of their 1998 CD "This Conversation is Over...", and of singer Blair Shehan's new band. I ordered the '98 Knapsack from my girlfriend's Amazon account--she gets free shipping!..Wait a second...Blair is buddies with the boys of Crumb? Crumb is Robby Cronholm's SoCal band that I like so much. Shehan is on Crumb's '98 CD? Oh, I am SO ordering that, too (if I can't find it at House of Records this weekend...ordered that weekend from House of Records for 9$). I'm a busy, busy drunk. Also picked up (from the Tom Tucker cheap music wall at CDWorld) Cardigans 'Moon', Cranberries 'Argue', and I found a promo copy of the 2000 Trinket CD "Set to Explode". Floater plays live at CDWorld on Sat. 10-28; I might just have to crash that. Missed Floater, but bought their "Sink" CD; I still need to get "Glyph".
The new David Gilmour "On An Island" is on the jukebox at my bar; in fact, all 3 David Gilmour's are on the jukebox at my bar.
Out and about: Rolling Stones, Hootie, mine and Static Girl's Van Hagar song, and Bryan Adams at Safeway; another Safeway run had 38 Special and Darryl Hall; Cher and Stevie Wonder at Dollar Tree; another run had Sheryl Crow and Buddy Holly, another run had Bay City Rollers, Stray Cats, and Steppenwolf; the last run to Dollar Tree this month had Credence, Bowie and John Cougar. Steve Miller at Big 5 Sports...

What I want today: I have actually found the job I want--the final job for me. Do you care? Could you care? I want to host E channel's "The Soup"; that is a funny show with some extreme possibilities...My happiness is so irregular and fleeting; I am happy when I get to watch/listen to Van Earl Wright do sports highlights...Back on "Cheers" in the 80's, bartender Sam Malone said that people go to the bar to talk; whether to brag, complain, tell stories--whatever. People go to the bar to mouth off and be with other people. I go to the bar to play pinball and golf--alone; other people annoy me--so I don't even GO to the bar for the right reasons, apparently. Boy am I fucked up.

New stuff this month or so: More disappointment; after the local revelations of jealousy and the "high school mentality" used by the first round of barflies I associated with here, I now present this webpage from the same perspective that I write poetry--it's for ME! Fuck all of you. These are my accounts of the world--for me. This page, and these Sidebars ARE my personal news now. Anybody not named UUC can kiss my hairy White ass...Continuing, sort of, I am going to immerse myself in my new work--which involves sales and study, then come home and listen to obscure Alternative music in my room. I will continue taking my lunch to the new job; saving at least $20 a week to spend on music...My new employment is excellent. Everybody wants me to write about my new job, but that's not gonna happen. Sorry; the new trend says that employers check websites, Google and MySpace--looking for any reason to fire or not hire people. I LOVE this website for many reasons, but it's already gotten me in 5 kinds of trouble...Sea salt was my big shift this month; you already know that salt is killing you--so use the "healthiest" salt available. Sea salt is yummy and mild. I'm also going to make "garlic sea salt". Chefs today use (only) either sea salt, or kosher salt; maybe you should buy a clue...Does anybody still drink cow milk? And if so; why? Headline News (early 2004 I think) revealed the bribery of our government by the dairy industry years ago; kids who don't drink cow milk are healthier than those who do. People are starting to understand how abused "provider" animals are, and the price of milk has dropped because so many fewer people are buying it. My question is: who the fuck is still buying cow milk? Not us; in this house we live on the Silk Very Vanilla soy milk--and we cross train with the Westsoy regular vanilla. Ooo, we love the chocolate Westsoy, too. Nobody agrees with me on cannabalism yet, because people are stupid; should the transition start with human breast milk? I probably wouldn't drink that crap either, but I'd be more likely to drink "big ol' boobie MILF milk" than cow milk. At least MILF milk is produced for baby HUMANS--not calves. Suck on that thought for a minute. Boy that became a rant...Shoes! I bought some black Response Gear "Delivery 6" Service boots, (yes, Army boots) and they are gorgeous...
This month at the Dollar Tree: New White chocolate M + M's, dressed up like some Johnny Depp Pirate Movie; also, I buy my 5-packs of sugarless gum there. Halloween candy! 12-packs of Reese's Cups; now that's a deal! Found some colored index cards that I needed; got my girlfriend another beautiful new Coke glass, too. Halloween candy all over the place; it's the antithesis to all the great working out I've been doing. Wait for it...'fridge and frozen food are coming to my Dollar Tree!

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Starting this month with a week of vacation is nice...Gus got a new blower motor, it goes with his new water pump. Same day; I played golf and pinball in 2 bars. I am amazing...Speaking of pinball; the LOWEST high score on my Soprano's is now 485 mil; ha. Let's do the 10-28 story; started the first 2 games of Sopranos pinball at 3:11 pm. Player 1 got 317 mil, Player 2 got 521 mil (new #3 score), we won 4 replays, drank 2 beers, and ended at 4:39 pm--ALL OF THIS, with the right flipper still weak and unpredictable...Gus is leaking anti-freeze again--that's probably not good; but the levels say all fluids are on track, and the engine temperature is excellent...About this time of year, 4 years ago, a chair collapsed under me at my job. How unlikely would it have to be for this to happen to the same guy, again? I honestly don't fucking believe this shit...Sometimes it's really hard to stay motivated to just keep bumbling along through this joke of life. I do not fear death; I anticipate it as an extended period of rest. And that comment will piss God off, so we move to...

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I read somewhere during my 9/11 research that 'God chooses who He wants to follow him', and I may not have the quote perfect, but you get the idea. So here I am, God; and you've got me down here associating with all of these idiots and poorly-cloned pack-followers. And then I see some of the people on Your team are also pretty screwed up in the head, too. And none of this shit improves my faith, okay? My gut reaction is not to spread any word--other than individualized recognition, and to avoid people as much as possible. And this "cocoon" factor is much more Pagan than Godlike, so I'm more confused now than ever. What exactly do you "choose" for me to do here? I believe in You, but I also believe You are a little too forgiving. Isn't it time to teach us a good lesson? Aren't we way overdue? Send us a nice big plague or something, and fast!..Freewill Astrology, metaphorical and indirect, had a line from 10-19-06 for Leos that gave me a tremble: "Maybe God has bigger plans for you than you have for yourself." I sure as heck hope so; and, I'm just sitting around and waiting for the details. God and I have some kind of communication gap going on here; we're both pretty lazy right now.

What's different here than in college town: College town had the "Junkman's Daughter's Brother"; a very cool, quirky store with all kinds of stuff. Out here we have the same type of store called "Sweet Potato Pie"...Weather without you; on an October morning here in my neighborhood the temperature was a crisp 37. Other people, north and east of town, in 30 degree temp.s, had to scrape ice off their windshields before driving to work. Of course I still went to work in a short-sleeved shirt--Gus had no ice; others were wearing their Winter coats, and shivering. I giggle...

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: 2 lb. Tillamook Pepperjack cheese blocks; yum...In Arizona, you no longer have to prove citizenship in order to vote--now that's just a little different than the hoop-jumping we White people had to do in GA, or here...In Arizona, the girly-alternative radio station is the exact same # here as the station with the most obnoxious and hilarious DJ's. Which means, yes, I am listening to the radio again--and I will continue to. Why? The radio is better than a real person...TPG could be touring the Northwest soon; perhaps I will get to see him...It turns out that 2 members of the excellent band Dream Life Misery (that I found out about while in Phoenix) are from Eugene, OR. I wonder when they'll play a gig here. Yo, Doug!..Saw a guy standing on the street with a sign that said "Personnel Source now hiring!"; so I guess that employment agencies are now paying people to hold 'now hiring' signs. Do they drug test? Why, or why not?..It went down to 20-something degrees; like 27, and I actually wore my winter coat. Are you happy now?

Life with Static Girl: We are an excellent couple because of the many things we have in common, and the certain things we disagree on. We've always been relatively close to each other on music--until I became obsessed with Crystal Method in 2003. Lately she made it clear to me that she also hates Rage Against the Machine (What?). In fact, the Rage song is the only one she skips on the Matrix soundtrack that I bought for her. I dance around the house and yell "Sleep now in the fire!" 20, maybe 30 times a day--she doesn't like that at all...She made some granola bars. They were supposed to be chewy. They were not. But they were yummy...I stick my head in her door and say "I like all the women in this room!", and she smiles...Extreme, violent, hateful, aggressive; you can NOT link from my girlfriend's site to here. Oh yeah; she doesn't like the cussing and shit either...She has a new seasoning of garlic and herbs, and it is excellent; she also enjoys my new sea salt...I bring her home presents from my new job and the Dollar Tree; I bribe her to like me, and it seems to be working. Shh...She's going to teach me to make my own bread; I will either buy local bread, or make local bread...It looks like she made my new digital movie camera operational, and then ordered the missing cable we need to "produce" the results; perhaps I should learn how to work it...My incredible woman walked me through bread-making step-by-step, and I made a yummy hybrid loaf. Soon we will use local dark wheat flour, too...I will have a new cubicle at my new job to decorate. As part of the art involved, I have submitted a contract offer to my girlfriend for her to create a drawing; she appears to approve so far...After a decent day at work, I decided to go buy a new pair of shoes--kind of like a girl, yes. Then I get home and tell my girlfriend that I went and bought a new pair of shoes, and she rolls her eyes--kind of like a guy...I was talking to her about some past-tense form of already consumed soda beverage, and the term I uttered was "drankened". Yeah; no shit. Sometimes I amaze myself.

My FCP has this for me: Just when I think she's gone, she'll send me a funny e-mail. She had a birthday, and I sent her really good vibes. I hope her new man deserves the incredible deal he's getting. She will spoil him and ruin him for other women--just as I spoil my women for other men. My FCP is cool like that.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: I might agree to be a Congressman if there were some cute 16 yr. old FEMALE pages I could fondle and send dirty e-mails to; my continuing problem is that I'm heterosexual. What we need is an AGNOSTIC and heterosexual political party; I'm the head of the Agnostican party. I'm an agnostician; I'll stop now. No I won't. What about Bill Hicks' People Who Hate People Party? Right; I forgot. So; we believe in God, we hate people, and we're heterosexual. And now we're ranting in the news section. Oops. But we did create a nice new political party. And we needed to, because it turns out that all of my worst fears about politics and bad government are true. Yes folks; welcome to the conspiracy theory reality you are living in. The middle earth lizards in power have taken away habeus corpus, sold everything of value, and will have martial law declared before another Presidential election. Enjoy the demise. Me? I'm going to bed early, and hoping that Mt. Rainier blows tonight. Or Yellowstone. C'mon God; work with me here.
Who doesn't love Keith Olbermann on Countdown? He gets cited and praised by all independent news outlets. I record his show daily. Right now he is reminding me on the radio in 1998. Keith's comments are going a little too far--how long can he continue to bash the sitting President? Back in 1998, I foolishly mocked my radio employers; I wasn't worried about getting fired because I didn't want to work for incompetent idiots and liars. I wish Keith the best in his pursuits, but tv-bashing the "failure" who poorly runs our country might cost a fine announcer more than just his current employment. (Hey; go Google that word "failure", and see what the first response is.)

Donald Rumsfeld (I neither know nor care how to spell his name) just got another $50 million for another Halliburton contract. Donald Rumsfeld, alone, could cure world hunger, and continue to be a billionaire. Why am I still paying taxes?

A thought to take with you: "Top down; bottom up."

"I like rice. Rice is really good when you're hungry, and you want to eat 2000 of something."--(the late) Mitch Hedberg

"Half of the modern drugs should be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them."--Dr. Martin Henry Fischer

(I'd been looking for this:) "They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety".--Ben Franklin...What; I did this one already? Well it's worth repeating.

"Naturally the common people don't want war: Neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."--Hermann Göring at the Nuremberg Trials 1946

“When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains--however improbable--must be the truth.”--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle


December 2006

(...last month we were...)

Reading: On 11-7, the November issue showed up here; then on 11-21, the December one did. Somebody (probably my FCP) is making sure that Spin magazine still comes every month; thank you.
Gonna go find this book, "Secrets of Non-Manipulative Selling"...I looked up Nikola Tesla on "the Google", and found out that he must be the guy I've been channeling since 1973. Great. (2006; now there's a Tesla Motors in California trying to develop a true electric car for the masses.) I don't read much; it comes from being easily distracted, AND having no short-term memory. Thank you.

Watching: Between the Discovery shows reverse-engineering secret UFO spacecraft, and Out There shows broadcasting the 9/11 Loose Change movies, it's pretty obvious that government has failed us--and driving our gasoline-powered cars is just stupid.

Class Projects: Somebody told me to watch that "V for Vendetta" movie with Natalie Portman. I just don't have time for most of this shit.

Watching and Hearing: Hey there was this sharp-voiced Black lady doing FSN's Final Score--you won't hear me complain. Danyelle Sheridan? She's plenty good; no, she is above average. Van Earl Wright still sneaks in there once or twice a week, too; he's still my hero.
On "How I Met Your Mother", did you hear Fountains of Wayne's "Sink to the Bottom" during the wedding boat ride?

Hearing: My Crumb CD finally came (special thanks to Martha at House of Records); "Seconds, Minutes, Hours" (1998). I have been so excited about this thing; Knapsack's Blair Shehan sings on at least 4 tracks. Last month I called Crumb Robby Cronholm's band, because he is the singer, and I usually call the singer the band's leader. But if Crumb belongs to 1 person, then it would be Mark Weinberg's band. He plays guitar, and writes most of the songs; so Crumb's songs are written from the perspective of a musician instead of from the singer. This is just one more of the cool little tricks that make Crumb such a great band. Mark and Robby are childhood/lifelong friends, too. And you can still find copies of "Romance is a Slowdance" (the most/best range of ANY single CD in the 90's) in every CD store's bargain bins; that absolutely fucking kills me. You idiots should be ashamed. And I speak of Crumb in the present tense, but this shit is all at least 8 years old. Welcome to my world. My musical fascination lies in well-organized, relatively fast, obscure Alternative bands from the 90's.
New "Army of Anyone"; that's Filter's Richard Patrick singing for STP's rythym section. Bought it 11-21-06 for $9 at CDWorld; cool. Also bought this month at CDWorld; 2 Floater CD's so far("Sink" and "Glyph"), also a used copy of Third Eye Blind's first CD; I must have drankened my other one.
And where is the band Dream Life Misery? I keep scouring the Oregon notes of the entertainment guides here, and I get nothing. It's like they're hiding from me. Yo, Doug; don't make me call you "Doogie".
New on the radio; Deftones, Pennywise, something with Billy Corgan singing, that metal remake of Phil Collins' "Land of Confusion" is just wrong. (Expect dance music remakes; sure, but let's not forge crap and call it current art. Bleah.)
Girlfriend and I are arguing about the new Evanescence; I say it's really good, or at least better than average crap. It's certainly better than Beautiful Garbage; but girlfriend is not so sure...
Out and About: James Brown, Dave Matthews, K. C., and Heart at Dollar Tree (yum), New Order and Evanescence at Staples, I stumbled into Journey Day at Wal-Mart
Singing: I sang Steve Miller's "Wintertime" to our guinea pig, but other than that you wouldn't believe what all kinds of crazy shit I sing.

What I want today: I want enough time to learn the tricks to my new job; I want to get back into sales mode--but not pressure sales. And after I become more experienced in this field I want to help train the newbies.
I wanted to start writing again (gee, imagine) and all of a sudden I had 2 Commentaries going at the same time--and I've been talking to myself more, dancing in the bathroom and laughing spontaneously. Kick ass.

New stuff this month or so: Made my own bread last month, and that was good... At Safeway, all the Sobe drinks went on sale--from $2 down to $1. So I'm trying them out; Green Tea, Courage, Energy. Didn't I used to brew my own green tea?

This Month at the Dollar Tree: Frozen and dairy food have arrived; not much selection yet, but stay tuned. Loving their new Pita Thins crackers, too.

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: When I want to eat some freshly made food, there is an excellent, inexpensive grill at my new job. So I'm still spending (most) all my fast-food $ on music (I'm a fucking genius). Check that; I paid $6 for the new jalapeno burger at Wendy's, and as I ate the boring burger I dreamed of what $6 could have gotten me from the Tom Tucker discount music wall at CDWorld. Sigh...Scored 690 million on Sopranos pinball; did I mention Dirty Harry pinball has resurfaced 2 miles from home?..I will be ending this month on the east coast--as part of my new job-training; a tough job with a constant learning process. I shine, then stutter; and I get pissy sometimes (me?)...I want to cook with coffee grounds...I snail-mail donated $50 or so to Cystic Fibrosis; since then 20 other companies have snail-mailed me requests for donations. (This was the same week I learned about the head of OPEC--more below in "Comments...")...Nobody is going to tell me that smoking cigarettes is a good idea, not even part time; but I am proud to smoke natural, no-additive "Blue's", and my lungs feel the difference from the old chemical sticks.

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I saw this guy on tv claiming that all of these; God, angels, the Devil, demons, poltergeists, disconnected spirits, channeled entities, and aliens(!) are ALL coming from the same essence above humans. They are Advanced Beings--all deserving of the same respect; now that is some entertaining fodder...Can I call God on a Ouija board? Jesus? Why or why not? Nobody ever channels Jesus on a Ouija board; people only cite some evil entity to justify their own bad behavior. Just once; I'd like to see some top dog somewhere Ouija-tap into a healthy flood and mend his own path.

What's different here than in college town: Athens had the incredible intra-mural fields, and people could play ultimate frisbee in leagues there. On a Saturday morning here, I drove past a school field where little kids were playing organized ultimate frisbee; I was impressed...A usually good Chinese restaurant here gave me days old food, and now they have lost 2 customers forever; life's a bitch. (This would not have happened at the China Boat on Baxter.)...

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: I used to donate plasma in Phoenix (at a place that was later closed down by the health department), and I called it "pocket money". Up here at the donation place they don't want my Hep-killing plasma, and near the plasma center there is a check-cashing place called "Pocket Money"...New beer! Let's drink more from this independent, (47 people) employee-owned "Full Sail" brewing company in Hood River, Oregon. Their "Amber" is excellent and very robust!..

Life with Static Girl: My girlfriend is now the Host of (vegan) Midweek Munchies; wow, and I want to help her spread the word--so I developed a possible graphic thing that they might use. My girlfriend also lends her talent to some thing called Veggin' Out; my girlfriend is being stretched thin here...She requested that avocados be present in the fridge, so I got some--but then she ignored them...Her toes didn't have any wiggle-room, so I gave my girlfriend some socks, then bought her some socks. She now has plenty of socks...She doesn't really use the (cold) downstairs dungeon half-bathroom; so it's pretty much my stage for soliliquies and underwear singing/dancing...I was discussing with her how I got all depressed about humanity, and she called me "futilistic", and that is a GREAT word. (By making up words...) She's not only acting like me--she's acting like me quicker than I am. Ouch...Her big new food item this month is spaghetti squash. I was going to make fun of it, but I ate some and was pleasantly surprised (try it with butter and garlic). Plus; it's messy--it gets everywhere, and you've gotta love that...I try to play with the guineau pig, who is getting old now. She would rather sleep than play. So I have renamed Tegan "Take a Nap"...Bragging on my baby; one regular, fully-clothed, full-body-hug with my girlfriend is better than the sex most people have. Ha!..

My FCP has this for me: Right when my back was really hurting, and I was having a monumentally shitty day, she came back. She's good at that.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Did the military news complex really call for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld? Yep; he's gone...The HMFIC over at OPEC has $25 billion; why doesn't he fix the fucking world? The guy is MY age, 42 I think, and has 25 bil. Let HIS towel-hugging, oil-pimping, sandy ass donate/save all those stupid fucking children's charities--they'll get no more chump change from me. And I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT to start telling people to go ask the oil sheik for money--hey, I only make $8 an hour...Did Al-Qaeda even exist before being "invented" by George Bush in 2001?..

A thought to take with you: "Science is but a perversion of itself unless it has as its ultimate goal the betterment of humanity." -—Nikola Tesla

"When the people fear the government, tyrrany has found victory. The federal government is our servant, not our master." --Thomas Jefferson

One question: Why would the line be 6 cars deep at the Taco Bell drive-through, ever? And on the NEXT day, there was a line 8 cars deep at the drive-through coffee stand. I would never "camp out" for a new gaming system--although we camped out for concert tickets 3 times back in the 80's; but, AT LEAST the gaming system is brand new! People who wait in line for horrible fast food, or for coffee that they could make better kinds of at home; THAT, I don't get.

Band names: Neglected Avocados, Coffee Grounds, Crumby Knapsack, Futilistic, Healthy Flood, Take a Nap.


January 2007


(...last month we were...)

Reading: A new book! "You Are What You Think" by David Stoop. Similar to other self-talk books I own, yes, and this one has bible references, too. The best part about this book so far is that I didn't find it--it found me. The sounds and images that play over and over in your head need to be kept in check; I certainly am going to do a better babysitting job on mine.
On "the internets" I checked out the Georgia Guidestones again (I may be obsessed with them right now), and I've been reading cool stuff at TOTSE.
Magazines? Teen Vogue e-mailed me an offer for a Mary Kate and Ashley poster. The Olsen twins are 20 now, right? That could be a nice poster--depending on the nudity, lesbianical incest, and drug implications. Purse your lips, baby.
Reading and Watching? More magazines? What? From "Party of 5" many years ago, that cute little girl with the awesome voice was Lacey Chabert. Her voice pops up in stuff every now and then--if you pay attention to voices. I do. I got to see some early episodes of Family Guy, and I knew that was Lacey's voice doing Meg (1999?). She has apparently aged to become legal, filled out nicely, and she is now bikini-clad on the cover of Maxim. Damn, girl. Hey; I don't care how she looks--I will always like her--I just want to hear her talk. Go Lacey! She may even be 24 now; that would put her (near the end, but still) in my dating range! I googled her; she's classy, and from Mississippi. She wants me! (Maybe)

Watching: Football! Go Georgia! Go LSU! Go Florida! (as in: go SEC); Countdown, FSN's Final Score, Family Guy, Daily Show, PTI, House, (and with my girl) Bones and Dr. Who; Animal Planet keeps up with the Croc Hunter shows; we watched Steve wrestle with a gator in some 'gooey ooze'.
On FSN's Final Score, the smooth-voiced, great lady doing above-average highlights is Danyelle "Sargent". I think I called her "Sheridan" last month; sorry.
New Favorite Commercial: Guy is shaving, wipes the mirror, and there's Cindy Crawford alliterating to him about what a great shaver he has. Guy mumbles "I love this shaver." I am easily amused.

Class Projects: "V for Vendetta" is on sale at Target for $10; but I ain't seen it yet...2 movies on 2 airplane rides; "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" (B), and "Little Miss Sunshine" (A-).
Alone and at home for Christmas: Bad Santa (B), Flight of the Phoenix (C), a few Out There's, 5 UFO Files, and all 6 hours of Sci-Fi's The Lost Room (B-; I like Peter Krause, but this could have been a 2-hour movie)

Watching and Hearing: In the 12-7 episode of Dr. Who, "Elton" was a huge Jeff Lynne fan, and there were snippets of 3 (maybe 4) ELO songs; very cool...On the "Loose Change" 9/11 movie, listen for the orchestrated version of Edgar Winter's "Frankenstein" as background noise...
Girlfriend's Grandma got me the new Who DVD for Christmas; kick ass.

Hearing: I ordered the new Dream Life Misery CD; "Over the Wire" to CDWorld; it's available at CDBaby. Just so you know; CDBaby and CDWorld are almost in the same family...I keep playing (and singing) Crumb and Knapsack everyday (I dance to Crumb). My computer has 2 CD drives; having a Crumb CD in each drive makes me feel really good. Having a Knapsack CD in each drive is pretty cool, too.
Music for Christmas: My girlfriend's family got me the new Goo Goo Dolls we will mention in a moment, and the new Audioslave.
Combo-band updates:
Audioslave is some Rage Against the Machine with Soundgarden's singer.
Velvet Revolver is Guns and Roses with Stone Temple Pilot's singer.
Army of Anyone is Stone Temple Pilots with Filter's singer.
(This shit can get confusing.)

New on the radio; Oh please! Why would people choose to listen to corporate radio? Maybe I'm a little bitter. Actually, the Bob and Tom show is okay. But I'm just a casual radio listener--maybe 2 hours a week total; how's THAT for a change in life, huh? I find it hard to care about any current format alignments. I turn the radio off and scream to myself. But, in between the screaming fits, I have heard some new Deftones, Lost Prophets, and Gwen Stefani. Some idiot re-did 'Hazy Shade of Winter', and it's horrible. Auuuuuuuuuugh! There's a metal song that sounds to me like the "St. Elmo's Fire" theme speeded up; I giggle. I'd better find out if it's new Goo before I make fun of that Supertramp remake; it is...Goo Goo Dolls; never mind.
Out and About: Heard "Enjoy the Silence" in a port city Walgreens; Christmas Queen at Dollar Tree, Christmas Bing at Cash King, No Doubt at Albertsons, Christmas Bob Seger at work, post-Christmas Steve Miller followed by Edgar Winter at Dollar Tree,
Singing: Depeche Mode's "Dream On", Stabbing Westward's "What Do I Have To Do?", Crumb's "Celebrity Judges", Knapsack's "Thursday Side of the Street", Goo's "Here is Gone"

What I want today: I will get the house to myself over Christmas, and that's always nice. I could have invited my Mom to visit, but...never mind.

New stuff this month or so: I played the cow bell at a teamwork seminar (MORE cowbell!); saw a sign promoting "Human Hair" for sale (no, I didn't buy any); saw another sign selling an entire downtown city block (the east coast is all messed up, and has no good beer)...The Philly Cheesesteak Burger at Carl's Jr; yum. It's so good that I wote them a letter...New pens! I'll try anything to get back into writing again; these pens are Pilot Easy Touch, med. point...(Since we can't drive cars on hemp oil yet;) I heard about this company that produces a gasoline additive; it makes the fuel burn more completely, and causes less harm to the environment. Getting better gas mileage is just a bonus; I'll be getting more info on this company (maybe).

This Month at the Dollar Tree: Shopping on Friday; frozen french fries, White Castle burgers, and 4-pack sausage biscuits (got me in trouble at home); also cold jalapeno cheese slices, dark chocolate Raisinettes, and Mocha Kit-Kats, my new bathroom scrub brush (which works great), and a scented toilet paper roller.

Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Starting my new 2nd shift schedule, Sunday to Thursday; if I HAD a social life it would be in jeopordy...Visualizing my back/neck pain as a 'loosening' clump of muscles and tendons--getting better all the time, I have millions of happy movies playing in my head...I'm doing a new version of a different mental perspective; instead of looking for confirmation that my ideas are correct, I am going to live knowing that I am right. And when other idiots try to disagree with me, I'll say cute things like 'If you say so...', and go on with my life...My totally unique, 1985 brown 'parachute pants' suitcase was "accidentally" picked up and taken home by a co-worker (it's twice as large as hers, twice as heavy, a different color, and has my name tag on it); more proof that people are fascinating, aren't they?..Bought some new slippers; the Dollar Store Asian ones from Athens finally died; also killed off the old, raggedy blue sweat pants, and finally retired my soft green Budweiser lunch bag; it was from the 1994 radio daze, cracked and probably leaking asbestos; we'll use the MIC lunchbag (both were made in China)...I'd been wearing one black belt for my entire life here; on a guess, I found all of my old belts in a drawer--and some of them fit because...we've been eating less, and working out at work--on their 2006 equipment, and my weight is back down to 210; nice; on 12-19-06, after working out one morning I weighed 206.7, which is the least since 1995. We're back down to the 5th and final belt loop of the black belt now...Profound moment: There is never actually a good time to shit on yourself; whenever you might accidentally do the butt drool--it forces you to immediately change your schedule...This is going to be a gift card Christmas from me--if I give anything; shopping has gotten out of control--have you seen this shit?..I will be streamlining my sock drawer this month; it goes with the new perspective; those fairy-assed thin socks my MoM buys for me are going in a trash bag...Good pain; the flippers on Dirty Harry pinball are so weak that it takes body english and extra "oomph" to make shots--especially the high ramp shot. My right wrist has been aching for a week now; nice. The broken Sopranos pinball also makes my hand hurt; sometimes the best part of your life can still cause pain--whether a woman, or a pinball machine...Yuban coffee is trying to save the rainforest, so I bought a big expensive can of dark roast...Brewed some more of my home-grown green tea, yum...I was going to lay out of work on Christmas Eve; my plan was to phone in and say 'I'm hungover and shitting blood; so I can't come to work today.' Then I woke up Christmas Eve morning; honestly hungover and shitting blood, but I decided to go to work anyway. What has happened to me?..Some of my most pathetic clothing from the mid-1980's is now back in style (courdorys)--and that's just messed up...One of my co-workers was cussed out by a lady in a wheelchair; I called her a "pissy cripple"--because she was. Everybody gasped. What? Fire me, mutherfucker; I'll go flip burgers at Wendy's...My big food addition this month is red onions; they're sweet, but still pungent. They're downright sneaky; I like them...I've written at least 2 disturbing commentaries; one where I threaten to dissolve planet earth...(I would get my name on) Dirty Harry pinball with the weak flippers and wide drain lanes lives at the Blues Jam bar (mentioned later). During my 3rd Blues Jam, I scored 2.374 billion, the # 4 high score. Nobody else can do that with the pinball machine in its current state. In fact, when it comes to playing a difficult/broken pinball machine--I may be one of the best ever...

My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Gonna do the communication thing right this time...Right; so God wants us to help ourselves; that backs the positive visualization shift; and as individuals we must find a new central perspective to work from--leaving things in the hands of the power wizards has not gone well. I wonder what God thinks about the Georgia Guidestones; perhaps He should google them.

What's different here than in college town: Similar, actually. I found this "blues jam" at a nearby bar on Thursday nights. Musicians show up, and trade out on stage every few songs. They call it "open stage". This might be the best-kept secret in town here. Shhh. I have gone 4 Thursdays in a row, and will keep going. ...The brilliant "Market Of Choice" grocery is a Eugene, OR original idea; I am impressed (my Mom and girlfriend both love it, too)...Crater Lake Vodka! Need I say more?..

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Beer; I'm drinking "Apricot Weizen" made in Portland by Pyramid. Nobody in Phoenix is drinking apricot beer, mutherfucker. Glad I found a use for apricots; I don't get nearly the credit I deserve. We've also got orange beer up here; I talked about that already...Freezing cold; literally. Who the fuck goes mountain climbing in freak Winter storms?..Waffle House! There was one about 2 miles away in Phoenix; but you will get no 'scattered, smothered and covered' up here in the rainforest...Robin Williams did some fresh rehab up here in banana slug land; I sure don't blame him for starting to drink again (I never stopped)...We have the 2nd most expensive gasoline in the country; only Hawaii pays more at the pump than we do. And this will force Oregon to create some choices...

Life with Static Girl: She has talents that I cannot even describe; she is the signature example of how the most wonderful things can come in plain packages. Someday I will tell you about her magic lamp (no I won't)...Even when she's grumpy, stinky, and has bad breath--she is still better company than most people. No; all people. I will take a mean, sweaty, totally unappeasable Static Girl over ANYbody else. Always!..Her new yellow food this month: Butternut Squash; it's so good that I have named it "CheriSquash"..."Static Girl Pinball" would be an excellent pinball machine, and I could create that masterpiece...I went to 3 different stores to find almost vegan dark chocolate for her (Did you know dark chocolate is healthy?). And I ask her; 'How hard would it be for you PETA freaks to make some "SOY MILK" CHOCOLATE? Wouldn't that solve your entire stupid crisis?' And she just shrugs it off. I'm a freaking genius over here. Vegans also need some sweet liquid coffee creamers, made with the same soy milk shit--to go in their little vegan mud coffee; I'm spitting diamonds all over the place...With the new fake steak strips Morningstar has, I am making my first ever vegan beef stew; details to follow. Wow; it was great. Girlfriend said that the big vat full would last a month, but it only lasted 3 days. I'll be making more--when she's gone...Gone, right. She tried to leave for Christmas, but the airports cancelled operations and she came home (surprise) to find steak in the fridge. She threw a PETA freak fit, and then I threw an omnivore fit back at her. We didn't talk for over a full day (and nobody noticed). But she later remembered that I am the greatest boyfriend ever, and am mostly respectful of her crazy vegan CHOICES about life. She and I made up. And, in vegan defense, without my girflriend I would not have discovered the Silk "Very Vanilla" Soymilk--that I love...A talk with my girl usually involves my doing both sides of the conversation, me answering the questions I pose to her, me making any and all revelations, drawing conclusions, then my own finishing of the conversation (while she rolls her eyes); then I kiss her, and we're done talking for awhile. Talking to my girlfriend is pretty much like talking to myself; I'm the only one speaking, listening, or responding (it's like she's not even there--and we're both good with that)...My girflriend made it back from her midwest Christmas, but none of her luggage did. You almost expect to not get 1 suitcase from the airport, but she did not get ANY of hers. She remained calm and collected, too (we've already seen how I panic). She's the best. MY girlfriend!..Along with my being purple, and her being green; we'll go with my being garlic, and her being mushroom. So when I saw the "garlic portabello" vegan burger patties at the store, I pretty much knew we'd be digging in to them. Now they're long gone and I have to go get more...Happy New Year to the best girlfriend ever!

My FCP has this for me: My FCP would be the 2nd best example of how wonderful things can come in plain packages. This will be/was her first Christmas with her new man, and I wish them well.

Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Dupont's "teflon", PTFE, whatever you want to call it, the non-stick cookware will be proven as toxic and brain altering--this is your warning...Then I read an Etherzone article about how recycling is not so beneficial, and that makes sense...Some California company was fined for hiring illegal workers; and that's a great idea--about 30 years late...Yahoo news says (I am not making this up) that kids are using prescription drugs to get high--I am shocked. How obvious does it have to be that news is just fluffy bullshit?..The "storm-proof" Denver airport shut down under 2 feet of snow; ha, and some of those people are pissed!..Death sucks: Peter Boyle and Gerald Ford left us. Saddam Hussein was finally executed. Godfather of Soul, James Brown also passed this month. Back in the 90's, he handed his crown of "The hardest working man in show business" over to Henry Rollins (musician, speaker, activist, etc.). I should know even more about Mr. Rollins and his life; but Henry Rollins is also in the news this month, because he was reading a book about religion in the middle east--trying to learn more about it. For reading a book about third world religion, Henry Rollins is now on the U. S. "no fly" list...It was on the news--so it counts as peanut gallery; where I work, some chemicals got pumped into the ventilation system. A couple of people got sick, and one lady had to go to the hospital. In our group, we all coughed a little more than usual that day, but nobody told us why--then we were on the news that night. So I am now a carrier of whatever toxic ebola nerve gas they pumped into us. Kiss me (I wrote out some lyrics about it that look like a Slayer song; 'Got the poison under my skin/Can't sweat it out, it's all soaked in/Innoculated, but not for free/And now the poison is a part of me')...

A thought to take with you: "The unexamined life is not worth living."--Socrates.

"In order to stabilize world population, it is necessary to eliminate 350,000 people a day. It is a horrible thing to say, but it's just as bad not to say it."--Oceanographer Jaques Cousteau

"The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it." -- H.L. Mencken

Band names: Butt Drool, Pissy Cripples, Soy Milk Chocolate, Red Onions, Toxic Ebola Nerve Gas (and their first hit "Innoculated"), "Future Disappointments" (from Pearls Before Swine), "Easy Bake Oven" (from "How I Met Your Mother"), "Gooey Ooze" (from Croc Hunter),

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