Sidebars 70 - 75


February 2005

Reading: 2 books on my new business. Finished 1. Okay; 1 book on my new business.

Watching: Saw a thing with Kevin Trudeau (he's pushing a natural healing book or something) about how the medical industry keeps people dependent on drugs; sidebar notes included some of the "secret ingredients" and "additives" in food, and over-the-counter medications, and all of that bad doctoring advice. This would be pretty ground-breaking stuff...30 fucking years ago! Jeezus Christ already Kevin, can't your 'mega-memory' recall the core index of conspiracy theory? What's next; do you believe in aliens, too? Maybe there's a government cover-up...
Speaking of: Taped, and watched again, the Roswell movie. Yay me. It's amazing, really, that all you need are the actual facts--and media releases about Roswell, and it's already better than any movie plot. Seriously; that's all Showtime did--they just went back and built a movie in 1994 around the old news releases. Ha; I giggle.
Here comes the scary part: Imagine a "productive" reality show. I don't watch 'em, and I don't care. But I said 2 years ago what fun it would be to throw a dozen smokers in a house with only 1 pack of smokes for a week--and watch the little bitches fight! It's a great idea; I lay no claim to it. Having some serious smokers go through the pain of quitting on tv might be a good idea, and it's already on. This new one "The Biggest Loser" of people trying to lose hundreds of lbs. apiece is a brilliant move. Good luck to them, and good luck to the other 400 lb. fatties who will watch them attempt all of this and do nothing. If you're gonna watch crap tv, then watch some good crap like this.
History Channel Mondays have the best alien shows ever. What was that stuff at "Bent Water" (British/American military in London) in 1980? And those 5 Israeli women who all experienced the same encounter with the same alien on the same day? That's some cool, scary shit.
Local news; if I hadn't seen it I wouldn't believe it. The bubbly 2-chick newscast has one announcer girl screwing up the tense of that oh-so-tricky subject/verb relationship 2wice in one sentence. Speaking 2 languages, poorly, is part of the criteria to be a newscaster here. Shhh. Just change the channel; maybe Will and Grace is on somewhere. Grumble grumble.

Hearing: Cola wars: In the back of a new C2 commercial is some excellent Queen; in the back of a Dr. Pepper commercial is some strategic Meatloaf--you've heard both by now. Spliced Aerosmith in the back of a Buick commercial, too. Are the commercials becoming classier than the shows? Wait; don't answer that. An investment co. commercial has a bad generic version of "Der Komissar" in it; no class. Don't mess with Pete Falco, motherfucker; he'll go Amadeus on you.
I restacked my CD's before Mom came to visit, and that usually puts me on a tear through my collection--and it did again. No wonder I can keep myself so entertained. Soundtracks like Angus (again), Mallrats, and Nowhere; 4 Hits Post Modern Syndromes, 3 Virtually Alternative samplers, a couple of Blast Modern Rock Programs (and I haven't been through the compilation/soundtrack crate yet--these were just the ones sitting on top), early releases, first runs, autographed stuff; shit, this could take years--oh wait, it has...Went through the compilation crate finally; I'll never be able to listen to all of this shit. I was very lucky to get to have a new music show during 4 of the last 5 years of real radio. Thank you.
On the radio now: what radio? Even though the local Edge 103.9 is perhaps the best idea, ever, for an independent radio station in a big city, I need my time more now than the old days.
Out there with ears on: Juice Newton and ABC at the 99cent store, 2 Evanescence, some Cure ('Friday'), 2 Squeeze, and some Filter at work ('picture', not 'nice shot'); also at work--George Benson on the "hold" music. In one day; Christopher Cross at work, then again at Subway.
I'm going to trade some of my good coffee for a chance to learn more about this band AFI. They have 6 CD's out? Really? 6?
My monthly relationship with Caviar: So it's a relationship now; does Blake Smith know about this? Okay; we have a copy of their 2000 disc; a copy. No song titles or anything. It's like listening to the B-sides of the first 3 U2 albums; this is great shit, and nobody knows about it. This is so cool.

What I want today: More weight loss needed (213 after Mom's visit--oops!), to get things going in my new business, and to organize future moves. Obviously we're not fucking staying here. Oregon beckons for a stop, and then back east. Place your bets.

New stuff this month or so: Water shortages, 1000 new ties, a hole-in-one on a par 4 of the new golf game, alternative Nag Champa incense, and the realization that these Phoenix people don't do well with the whole "panic" mentality. Fuck this stupid town.

What's different here than in college town: Are we still clinging to college town? Here's an idea; get over the college town, old man, you're almost 40. Arizona ranks 49th in money spent per student in public schools. Hey; we're not last.
Did you hear about the water scare here? On the Sunday before the scare, in the newspaper, was an article about how we ARE the desert, but we still build more new houses here than ANYFUCKINGWHERE ELSE in America. That's it...I'm done...Get me the fuck out of here.

Life with Static Girl: I'll come home from a day at work, after a workout; she's sitting on the couch. I ask 'what would you like for dinner?'. She smiles and says 'food'. Loosely translated, this answer of 'food' means the following: 'Hey big boy; since you're the one who's heading for the kitchen to cook up this dinner, the whole 'food' issue really comes down to you, doesn't it? As in; you're the one who's driving this spaceship, boyfriend, so why don't you get in that kitchen and start driving already; I'm gettin' hungry over here.'
She wants me to teach Tegan the guinea pig to play Chess.
I say this to her all the time; let me say it to you now: My girlfriend gives me the best possible aspects of having a girlfriend, and the best possible aspects of living alone--all at the same time.
More? Okay. She talks at a whisper, and that can drive me crazy, 'coz I like to yell. But if she has something to tell me, then she will make sure that I hear her. I appreciate that.
More? This would be running me a little thin if I didn't have so much to brag about. And I even brag about my girlfriend to strangers--because I really LIKE her. It's not the most uncommon thing in the world; right, but my (very few) friends can barely stand the women they date. Ha.

A thought to take with you: On tv I watch crumbled buildings and lumber be carried off by rivers that run through what used to be cities while people mourn and new orphans cry. Then I sit here at my computer, next to my indoor plumbing, near enough food in my kitchen to feed hundreds, and I wonder, seriously; how the fuck did civilzation not get all the way down to these poor people on tv?
I've got a calender with quotes, and Static Girl has cool quote books. It looks really smart to have some obscure quote on your website, right? Sure; that's why there will be no more quotes here, Webster. Your ass is lucky enough that my writing side needs this stupid Sidebar shit for an outlet.
Oops. Okay; but I'd never heard this quote before...and it's good. Pulled from a phone chat with my business guy WD, he said "Ignorance on fire is better than intelligence on ice." Touche.


March 2005

Reading: You know; if I'm not reading a sales book...I want to read the thoughts of some intelligent killers. Did Ted Bundy ever write a book? Gacy? What about that want-ad killer; Dave O. had a book about him long ago. Personally; I wanted to join the circus so that I could cannibalize some random strangers--I came up with this idea when I was like, 10, and it still seems like a good plan now. Okay, okay, (for Hollywood) I'll fuck the dead corpses before I eat them; but I don't make it a habit to stick my dick in food--that's just sick. Eating ass; doggie-style, a fuck-and-eat multitask--it could happen. Maybe I could eat the people alive--WHILE I fuck them; there's an after-school special for ya. The screaming might be nice; but I didn't like sushi, and I want to smell the bodies cooking anyway. Boil the dead bodies back warm before insertion (warm and wet); that's hot (ha). "Just give me some steam." Maybe Peter Gabriel's a cannibal, too (he's going to sue you for that, you know). Where the hell were we? 'Reading?' Well I may have gotten sidetracked. Read this! I could get a tattoo on my butt that says "While you're down here; Kiss my hairy white ass."
Reading? You should read some of the angry e-letters I get from the little racially mixed people, mainly girls, with the bad spelling + poor punctuation, missed quotes and faulty logic. I got 3 in 1 day; they're like fucking carbon copies of each other (I pasted the same reply to all 3--they'll never know!). I got your "reading"; keep fucking reading here you dumbass little bitches. Get all riled up and shit out a few more unwanted mixed babies; it ain't like this is China or anything. Oops.
In my CDL Report, I've been reading about how screwed up the popular election was here; year 2000 was nothing compared to this shit. Do you find it odd at all that 60+% of the people voted for Kerry, yet the Republican tabulations conclude that 70% of us voted for Bush? Where? On which exact planet did W. get 2/3 of the vote, bitch? It sure as fuck wasn't Earth! Spock would say: "Fascinating."

Watching: "House" is really good. Other than that: Oh my God. I've been watching some of your prime time dribble. No wonder you people are so screwed up. Here's an idea; demand some quality programming that benefits your pathetic lives. Novel, huh? I just do tv for comedy and sports now. How much did my Patriots win by? Have you seen my new Bill Hicks DVD? Unexplained Mysteries, PTI, Scrubs, 2.5 Men, and I may start staying home on Tuesdays to watch House.
Idiot-boxing--Good ELO in the back of an Ameriquest commercial, bad fake remix of KC and the Sunshine Band in a Crystal Light commercial, spliced Cars in a Best Buy commercial, Blondie in a Fidelity commercial.

Hearing: If I'm not writing, then I'm going to listen to ALL of the music that makes me so cool. I'm still going through all of these compilations. Still. On the 1996 Mammoth Records preview disc is a band called "Children of the Bong". Their song "Interface Reality" is like GLU meets the Underworld; I've played this 7-minute song about 9000 times now--but you'll never hear it. Ha. I also have a full-length CD from Bongwater Taffy; where the hell is it? Also; Mortal Kombat "More Kombat", Dig "Defenders of the Universe", the "Boys" soundtrack, Depeche Mode's Exciter, Blink 182's Cheshire Cat (from 1994--long before fame), KMFDM Rules,
Out there with ears on: Procol Harum at Walgreen's; "Listen to What the Man Says" Wings at Del Taco; more Dido and Chicago at the dentist; Kiss, ELO, Barenaked Ladies, then Peter Frampton at Sue's hairchop shop; the Fixx and Pretenders at work; Ozzy and Queen at Walgreen's (wow), Blinded By the Light at the mechanic; same day--3rd Eye Blind at Osco--then the Doors at Walgreen's--it's tough to go against the home team, but that victory goes to Osco.
My monthly relationship with Caviar: Every fucking day; multiple times. This is like how I used to masturbate, and/or play Dark Side of the Moon; 6, 8, 10 times a day--no problem. "OK Nightmare" (1st song on the 2000 disc) is definitely my new favorite Caviar song. Somebody has to keep Blake Smith inspired, keep him writing, creating and recreating. Fuckin' get me a towel; let me and Blake put the polish on my shit--the shit that's already done. Sure I'd like to write with him, too; but that sounds like the standard whiney "want" to write with Trent Reznor or Billy Corgan; yawn. I want to help make sure there's another Caviar album before Summer 2005; what can I fucking do? I'll kick E-Rock in the ass, but he doesn't make Blake write.

New stuff this month or so: My spiritual advisor signed me up to go to a 4-day seminar thing over Superbowl weekend. I don't think so. Haven't talked to him since. And he's just one of many people I don't talk to anymore. I could be setting up for a period of major seclusion (God, let's hope so.).
I've been spending more money per week at the dentist than the bar. Well, almost. Okay; ONCE, at least. Yeah--that day I did 4 fillings. 5 Thursdays in a row of dental work; 13 fillings, and we're done.
Shit you don't see in the mainstream news: China, with its 1.6 billion population, is a good example of what happens when you let silly females run around making decisions for themselves and shitting out babies unchecked. For 30 years, 90% of the girls had multiple kids before the age of 20, and their country is now flooded with useless people. 10 years ago the Chinese government put the first "breeding limit" on its women--limiting women to only 2 children each. See? You never heard about this; women in the US would freak out over some imposed "birth-limit". Awww. In February 2005, the Chinese government issued its NEW breeding limit of exactly ONE child per woman, and they recommend that the woman be at least 20 years of age before bearing it. Now that's REAL news; not the sissy shit you see on Fox.
It has rained more days than it has not rained for the past month of February. So I don't want to hear another fucking word about a drought, or water shortage, or to fucking conserve water, or anything else. It's all bullshit anyway; crank up the bar-b-que--let's cook some politicians and illegal immigrants.
I was a little too young to really appreciate the mind of Hunter Thompson (an intelligent druggie writer of profound and dismal insight); but between the 2 movies about him, and half of one read through Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, it was easy to see true genius. He blew his own head off late in February; you have to respect that. I hope that Hunter and Bill Hicks are sharing their stashes in the afterlife--and I'll fucking be there soon.
This is the start of my last month in Phoenix. I honestly thought that there would be SO much more to this little trip out here. I was wrong. And now I'm outta here. You won't see me staying here 10 years too long, like I did in Athens.

What's different here than in college town: Everything is different here. Over 5 years here I have learned that my mindset is in tune with a smaller town. Plus Phoenix is just stupid. 30-pack of Tecate for 18.99; that's a really good price. A 30-pack of Natural Light is just $13.99 at Walgreen's; road trip. Will this section change names to 'what's different here than dumbass Arizona?' Hey that's pretty good.
Should've happened in college town, but it happened here: 3-1-05, today, driving home from work, I saw a homeless drunk riding a bike with a beautiful blue macaw on his shoulder; that's a $1400 bird.

Life with Static Girl: She is the ultimate companion animal inflatable love doll, and boy oh boy is she tolerant. Wait; she used to be tolerant, but now she's starting to get all pissy with me--and ooo, the glares.
So; how exactly is she better than any other woman ever? Okay; she lets me figure stuff out. Even if she knows she could alter my actions with a word or glance, she will purposely not have any affect on those actions. If I think of her (consider her opinion), or what she might say, and if I react to it first--on my own, then that's cool. But she will make sure that I understand how my deeds are my own choosing--she doesn't try to influence me. She is the greatest. Most women frequently "toy" with their men; many women live their lives to toy with men--my girlfriend could not be bothered to put forth that kind of effort.
With my girlfriend, and bless her, I am able to live without any of the typical worries a male has about his woman. She centers me, and makes me better than I have ever been; I was lucky to not meet her until I was well into my 30's. And I'll get to begin my 40's with her. Cool.
She has turned out to be a better room-mate than all my others; she has turned out to be a better girlfriend than all my others; she's even turned out to be a better friend than all my others. Wow.

A thought to take with you: "You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody's crazy."--from the original Chuckie; Charles Manson. Yeah, and did he write a book? See, now I'd read a Chuckie book. "Tate's like Chicken"--Get it? Okay, that was a little mean. Good; but mean.
The female's clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings; that's more than the entire head of the male's penis. Guys; lick a little slower and softer--she's already on the edge of freaking out--at the moment you get there. Even I mess that up sometimes; speed is not always the answer.


April 2005

Reading: Forgot to mention last month that my FCP sent me a copy of the 12th edition of the Bathroom Reader. This is quality reading material; short attention span stories for those with other things on their minds--like shitting. I love the book; I love to shit; I'm a happy guy. Think I'll go shit right now.

Okay; you've seen some of the Vonage 'stupid people' commercials by now. What's your favorite one? Mine WAS the guy skiing off the roof of the house and just missing the pickup truck bed...and then I saw the ski-mobile jump that goes horribly wrong where the person and machine separate 70 feet in the air. Ha. I'd sign up for Vonage if I had broadband.

At work; the Cure's "Lovesong" and Del Amitri's "Roll to Me"

What I want today: To begin, again, with my girlfriend.

New stuff this month or so: Another nugget forgotten from last month; my new Golden Tee card. Got my first one in 2000, out here. It hadn't registered properly in months, so I ordered a replacement and got it within a week. Finishing up my last month here in Arizona. I should be so...something, but I'm not. Eventually I'll be wishing that I had done much more here in the final days of whatever you want to call this stage of disappointment. Whatever. I had this one day off, in early March, and I could have done so much good with it; instead I went and got some food and a DVD rental, came home, ate and watched a movie. Yawn.
Headline News; Monday March 7th: That cow milk you've been drinking your whole life is a lie; it does NOT help your teeth--or your bones, it's not even all that healthy. The hormones shot into the cows make the milk even worse. Cow milk was originally intended for one use, and one use only--baby cows. I've known about the milk scam for years, most of the good conspiracy theorists do; but there're no denying the facts of this big study just completed. This is the first study that's been done since the government was bought off by the dairy farmers 40 years ago.

What's different here than in college town: We'll be moving to a new college town soon. That's weird.

Life with Static Girl: She's been sick since halfway through the 1st Oregon/Lodi trip, and still sick with only 5 days left in AZ. I'm still crazy about her though.

A thought to take with you: "My bar is closed for Easter, or I'd already be there. It's the thought that counts." W. C. Davis


May 2005

Reading: A new newspaper! It's more better than that industrial joke in dumbass Arizona. There's also a Eugene Weekly, like an Athens Flagpole; and CDWorld puts out their own monthly paper with reviews and upcoming in-store concerts.

Watching: PTI, Scrubs, the Shield; 2.5 Men, History Channel UFO Mondays, and stories on CNN about the benefits of a solar house (yawn).
Movies on DVD: Elektra, I Robot, Garden State, Final Cut, Flight of the Phoenix, Farenhype 9/11
In a theater: ain't been to one yet. Nyaaa.

Hearing: First trip to the Mongolian Grill was classic rock, and we heard Meatloaf's "Paradise...". One week later, at the regular grocery I heard Meatloaf's "2 outta 3..."; this town is a Meatloaf factory; I like it.
At my neighborhood bar, with toothless locals programming the jukebox, I've already heard the Cure, Concrete Blonde, tons of Tool, Weezer, 7M3, live Goo, Cake, and more. Wow. Oh yes, and then I started raiding their digital jukebox, too.
There is an Alternative station here; NRQ. I must go check in with them and be told that my services will not be needed there--so then I can moon them. Yeah; there's 2 classic rock stations that need to be mooned, too. I'm going to be busy for awhile here; hope I can win some more poker money.
New Ben Folds, Cake, Crystal Method, new Garbage (it's good), new NIN in 2 weeks--was that a new Tool song on the radio? Perfect Circle? What the fuck--it's like 1998 all over again.
I've been singing "Empty" God Lives Underwater songs out in public: "Tell me what was I...What was I thinking?"
Met a hockey guy from Canada; he's a huge Tragically Hip fan. Had to go dig through my crates for "Trouble at the Henhouse"--more research to follow.
My monthly relationship with Caviar: It's tailed off a bit; I don't listen to either CD everyday now--like I was doing. Hearing both CD's, on tape, everyday of the drive to big O really helped, though. I might do Garbage for a month; seriously.

What I want today: Going to write out, with a crayon, that I want to work at the cool music store in my neighborhood "CD World". I'll crayon-draw a little picture of a car and a spaceship, too. They'd better fuckin' hire me after that...They didn't. Sheeit.

New stuff this month or so: Landed in the big O. Placed 2nd for my first placement in a poker tourney; tied for first a few days later. Found some bars and pinballs. I'm not even looking, and 3 people have offered to sell me pot; do I still look like a pothead? Maybe I need a haircut. Jeez. Found the hippie incense store--and nobody offered to sell me pot there; I must be slipping. Got the haircut, and now nobody wants to sell me pot.
First ear trouble in 14 months; went and entertained an Urgent Care waiting room. Got flirted with by a female Dr. (maybe), got FREE medicine, and got thanked on the way out.
Many "firsts" in the new place; first oven use was for a vegan soy cheese pizza.
MY Patriots just signed (MY hero) Doug Flutie to a 1 yr. deal. Ha. Brady and Flutie. Can you smell a 3-peat? I can.
Had another bazillion $ idea; scratch that. 2 more bazillion $ ideas; and I just can't be bothered to fucking care. Check out the 'thought' below.

What's different here than in college town: Gas is 2.50 here; didn't Athens have the cheapest gas in the world?

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: I thought this was a joke; we're really doing this? Okay, hang on; I'll play. I have 2 different toilets to shit (or puke) in here. I like having choices.

Life with Static Girl: I'm the only person she knows in this new town; so I have to pay her a little more attention than usual (and I haven't been doing so great at that). I'll never let her run out of Coke again...We walked to the park one day...It's up to me to ask her stuff; she doesn't give out signals that she wants a hug--or even any attention. I'm over here, dropping hints at shit that I want (like a girl), and that's just useless. It's up to me to do the talking. My selective mute girl; taught her about grenadine...Bought her the new Garbage CD "Bleed Like Me" on 4-28-05.

A thought to take with you: I have been saying some funny shit around here. And then I rattled off the first verse of my hangover poem (from 1985)--and it was great! I have no idea what it's like to NOT have the best 200 or so poems ever written--right here in my head. Does it absolutely suck to be a mere mortal? I could already entertain myself for years; years, I say. Fuck clothes that rhyme, fuck rub and cut, fuck money; fuck 3 different ways to do perpetual motion; fuck it all. I should've lived in the 1800's.


June 2005

Reading: Want ads, a dabble into my Pink Floyd book, and I pulled out the "Master Closer" sales book I was reading.

Watching: Classic X-Files, PTI, the Shield, House, Judging Amy, Scrubs, 2.5 Men, and Rescue Me (possibly the best show on tv now) comes back next month.

Hearing:Yeah, here we go. The top 4 CD's in my closest music crate are: Orbit "Libido Speedway", GLU "Empty", (new) Caviar "The Thin Mercury Sound", and new Garbage "Bleed Like Me". Well, they were back in the first week of May. It's all different now. Fuck; it changes everyday--just like a true music-lovers stack should! Weeks later, I even have a new filing system; 4 on top is now 40 on top (others were getting jealous). Let's make that 80 on top now.
There're at least 5 new CD's I want now; dude, loan me some money. Then I went back to it's up to about 10 CD's I MUST have. Soon!
At home; in my 11 different CD players:
Back into Ga music; it's a Five Eight storm with Hazel Virtue lightning, Jump Little Children, Panic, Vigilantes, Joe's "Got Live" CD, and more...And I've been playing Tool + Perfect Circle (alot). Cooking to the new Garbage is good; I dance (need to review this new yummy Garbage). Did I mention picking up the 2003 Ramones Tribute CD? I'm setting up for the new NIN by playing every other NIN I've got right now (the new NIN is gretting GREAT reviews).
At the Dollar Store: Green REM, Steely Dan, and Jesus Jones. Wow.
On the digital jukebox "Touch Tunes" at the bar; APP (WWBLY--4 times), Moody Blues, BOC; and I didn't even know that there was any Crystal Method on the thing--then skinny John played "Trip Like I Do" (it was mood-altering), why doesn't the Touch Tunes have any version of "Now is the Time"? "Smack my Bitch up", check. An unreleased early version (first recording?) of Cheap Trick's "Surrender" was sweet, too. Poker people donated to a fund, and then handed me 5 or $6 and said 'go put all that in the jukebox, dude, you mix it up pretty well'. I almost cried.
My monthly relationship with Caviar: The Touch Tunes also has the first Caviar album--that's an "OK Nightmare", "I'm the Monument", "Sugarless", and "Flawed Like a Diamond", thank you. Gotta get Aezra boy to get with the powers that be and land the new Caviar on Touch Tunes.
At the new-to-me Cooler poker tourney I saw 3 Garbage videos back-to-back (sweet), but that's not my real problem. (My real problem was...) When I heard the accoustic guitar beginning of NIN's "Hurt", I was happy. But it was Johnny Cash's voice?!?; I turned to see the original man in black doing "Hurt" flawlessly; tears in both eyes.

What I want today: A better job than just cruising through a druggie phone room. Don't get me wrong; I LIKE the druggie phone room, I'm just not challenged by it. Wait a minute; there's stuff happening now. Outside sales for businesses.

New stuff this month or so: No longer a poker pushover; I seem to be breaking even just about every night. Well, sometimes. Not enough. My first visit to the Cooler was for a poker tourney of about 70 people; I took 3rd place; music notes above.
My FCP says that I am the ONLY boy she will gladly talk to whenever I call. That's one of the nicest compliments to me, ever...Rio Salado College in Arizona has declared that I am on their Dean's List for maintaining a 3.75 or higher GPA; wow. Did I get high and go back to skool?..Finally started working out again. Good. And we're going to have to bring God back into the picture, as well...Brushing with brokedom here...The implant on the back right side of my head is getting to be very annoying; I just wanted to meniton that...Finally had to throw out my fat sweat pants--they're just too big. It's not that I'm getting smaller--these were the sweats that I wore when I weighed 230, and they're huge now!
My neighborhood bar changed owners and had a party; I took vegan food, and they loved it!
X-Files, no, Star Trek, no, Star Wars, yeah--that's the ticket; new Star Wars movie; final Star Wars movie. Woo. And a 70's Dogtown movie is coming!
New England Patriots Update: After cutting Ty Law last month, he has now agreed to a 1 yr. deal with the Patriots. These Patriots have also signed (the fastest White guy in pro sports) Tim Dwight to a 1 yr. deal as well. They should've signed up Jerry Rice while they could've.

What's different here than in college town: Supercuts; like they had in Ga. There's a Dalton Carpet Oulet on my main street here--that's Dalton, GA, right? I need to do a long walk around the campus here.

What's different here than dumbass Arizona: I haven't even SEEN an airplane/copter in the air yet here in big O (I've heard 2, but haven't seen any yet). So what's different here is that we have yet to be woken up by super sonic jets, low-flying planes, helicopters, or crime scene floodlight beams. People here have better attitudes, and focus more on the community--not as selfish here. End of May; still no visible planes or copters--but I did see my first UFO here. Cool.

Life with Static Girl: MY Blahgirl! 3 minute warning, and I can wash dishes drunk at 3 am because I already woke her up...My girlfriend is an artistic genius of Paint Shop Pro 9 proportions (Betcha can't say that 2wice)...She's going to have trouble gardening because she doesn't want to kill any weeds; poor thing. I got her a nice hanging basket...She says there's 'too much crying on tv', then 'there's too much kissing on tv', and then 'tv is stupid'. I like her...Get Fuzzy...I forced her to take a walk with me--she is not going to hermit here like she did for the past 5 years; that's what I'm saying. I'm hoping to barter with her; details soon...I read a few pages in a book, put it down somewhere, then forget about it for 6 months--SHE'S reading 4 books at a time. She's reading one of her millions of books (4), and I look down at the page, and in big letters it says "Happy Accident"; so I'm all like 'we're a happy accident, you're MY happy accident, happy accident--I like that.' Then I'm running around the apartment scream-singing "Happy Accident, bayyyyyy-beeeeeee!". Honestly, I don't know how she puts up with me...Gardening! We have little tiny sproutlets as of 5-20! That gorgeous hanging basket I got her is growing huge--and taking over a plastic chair! She named it "purple explosion"--that's good. It makes me want to go find some seeds of my own here...She has back pain, and so do I. So I went through some channels and got us some good pain pills--REALLY good ones; however, I don't think she'll eat any of these elephant tranquilizers. But I like 'em, and I can get more..."Prettily" is a word; who knew?...When I'm downstairs, and I see her coming down the steps, I like to meet her at the bottom and give her a big hug; (she'll never admit it, but) she even slows down her descent to let me get into postion--"strategic hugging".

A thought to take with you: It's just a ride; it's not like any of this shit really matters. Saturate in the moment and look for the silver lining.

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