(...last month we were...)
Reading: Comics! In Mutts, I am "Crabby". In Get Fuzzy, (unfortunately) I am "Bucky Katt". At least once a week I am Earl in Pickles, too...Reader's Digest said back pain costs more than $90 billion per year, and is the #1 cause of missed work...Americans spend $134 billion per year on fast food (yes, MORE than back pain)...
Watching: "Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit." (my new gum)...Episode 270 of Out There TV had gorgeous pictures of European crop circles from 8-15-07; very nice...The 8-8-07 Rescue Me celebrated psychosis very well, maybe a little too well. Comedic timing? I deliver exactly like Lou on Rescue Me. 8-22-07; spouting band names on Rescue Me, and drinking Vitamin Water. 8-29; 4 kinds of Vitamin Water (too much product-placement now)...X-Games guys are nuts--they're like little video game creatures that bleed...Finally saw the 2006 remake of "The Hills Have Eyes" on HBO; it was okay...On Speed I saw a Superbike race on the Laguna Seca track. I know the track from 4 versions of Gran Turismo; it was a spooky familiar thing to watch--with a clever pass in the final turn of the last lap to win!..I watched, live, snowboarder Shaun White (The Flying Tomato) put together the best skateboard run ever--we'll all be watching that for years to come...Countdown: Keith had Joel McHale from E's "The Soup" on Countdown; I believe I had that--thank you. He should do a commentary on The Soup, just to screw with people--he did! I believe I had that, too, thank you! Keith also brings on (PTI guest) Richard Justice to talk baseball. Could Keith O. be a "5 Good Minutes" guest on PTI? Could Keith go cuss on Bill Maher's show? Would Keith consider announcing 1 football game per week; maybe, Sunday nights? Wow; I'm good at this. More Keith; he seemed to get a little upset that "our reality" might only be a computer program. Yawn. Keith should skim the Michael Talbot book "The Holographic Universe" from 1991 (this loosely outlined, interactive "Tron" game in which we exist is not exactly a new idea here). Maybe K O can do some "down" time to let others fly the Countdown rocketship; or, maybe Keith is taking a week off because he doesn't want to talk about Michael Vick (that's what I would do). Countdown substitutes over on real NBC Sunday 8-26-07(?); be there, aloha...
Class Projects: I watched "Man of the Year"; I hate to sack Robin Williams movies, but it only gets a C+. More from Mork; I watched "Insomnia"; oh my gosh. That COULD have been the best movie ever made; but (long, slow, and lacking good explanations) it only gets a "B" from me... C+ also to "Rumor Has It", ehhh...There's a movie called "Hard Candy"; it's supposed to be about old man/teen girl connectivity in internet chat rooms, or something. Catch THIS predator, bitch! As long as there's some blood and screaming--there was, it gets a B...While renting Hard Candy, I found the video version of the book "Fast Food Nation". Well, it's not really the video version, but it was a decent movie; B+ ("The Meatrix" gets an A). My Dad (hey Dad!) said that the movie "Open Water" was good. Apparently my Dad is easily amused, too...1994's "The Chase"; dumbass movie with Charlie Sheen, but it had a good soundtrack.
Watching and Hearing: Tony Hawk's Most Dangerous Videos; now THAT'S quality tv with punk rock videos screaming at you, mutherfucker...Evans Blue on our Sirius Hard Rock music channel; cool...There's also a Classic Blues Sirius station, and it's great! 6074, I think..
Hearing: These new Absolute Garbage mixes are excellent, individually perverted things to be enjoyed alone at home. Or; is that just me?..An instrumental song from my upcoming soundtrack, referenced here often, "Greyhound Part 1" by the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, circa 1995, was mixed by Moby...
New on the radio; Have you heard the Chemical Brothers' "Salmon Dance"; is that incredible?..I finally caught the name of one of the good songs from the last couple of months; "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven...Heard some new Eagles on non-profit radio...96.1 ignited me. They made a talk bed out of Pink Floyd's "On The Run". They're trashing my favorite album, which pisses me off, AND, (in 6 years on the radio) I NEVER thought to do it myself, and that pisses me off even more! I used Trent's "A Warm Place" as my main talk bed, and the end of "Does It Really Happen" off of Yes' Drama as my safety net.
Musical Purchases this month: 8-4-07; my first run to CDWorld in a month. I didn't even ask for an explanation of Absolute Garbage; it's mine. Also found Dag's "Righteous" on the Tom Tucker bargain wall--which is just wrong. I'll go back for new (local) Floater later. Scored this incense; Song of India "India Temple" hand-rolled sticks. Wow. New Dali and Pink Floyd posters also beckon to me. A CDWorld birthday shopping spree with my girlfriend's Discover card would be so nice...She agreed! How lucky am I! On 8-18-07! From my wish list of 5 CD's, we found 3! Today I got "Evil Empire" Rage (finally), accoustic Violent Femmes "Viva Wisconsin", and Joe Satriani's remastered "Surfing With the Alien", circa 1987 (from this month's Terrible Two's Survey). I will order new Rye Hollow (done) and Silver Sweepstakes Knapsack later; We also got ONE Dali poster; the other 2 I want were sold out. My girlfriend rocks!..
Out and About: Bon Jovi and REM at Safeway, Spin Doctors at Dollar Tree, Alanis Morrissette at Safeway; Elton, The Clash and Feetwood Mac at Howling Coyote; while buying Violent Femmes at CDWorld we heard "Blister in the Sun"(!), and the accoustic mix of Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open the Door"; Poco at Fred Meyer; K C and the Sunshine Band and classic Rod Stewart at Wendy's; Depeche Mode and Counting Crows at America's Tire.
Singing: Mike Tracey's version of "Mystery Train", and his new original "I Don't Care", and I mumble his version of "Scratch My Back" while trying to get out of bed in the morning..."Can't You See" by Marshall Tucker, Yes' "Tempus Fugit", Pink Floyd's "San Tropez", Androids "Do it with Madonna", 3 Steely Dan songs, my 3 regular Fig Dish'; "When Shirts Get Tight", "Quiet Storm King", "Pretty Never Hurts", Zebra "Tell Me What You Want", Depeche Mode's "Dream On", Dishwalla's version of "It's Going To Take Some Time",
What I want today: Today is the 18th, and I am without a vehicle. I WANT to be reunited with my Silver Love Chariot. Gus would get good work; $300 worth of repairs became less than $200; yay...Then there would be tires...
New stuff this month or so: Just found out that my Safeway will be closing in the first week of September; great. So we'll do more at Bi-Mart and Fred Meyer ("Kroger") has cans of spicey hot V-8...The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is asking me for money again. Their envelope says "The loss of one's child, at any age, is unbearable." A good way to avoid this would be to NOT FUCKING HAVE ANY CHILDREN, YOU IDIOTS!..Remember how upset I was that my new Crater Lake coffee mug was made in China? I looked at all of our coffee mugs; EVERY FUCKING ONE of them was made in China. I don't even know what to say anymore...The Jackalope Lounge downtown has Elvis pinball--need to go check that out (my FCP insists that I go play it, and do a full report)...Mike Tracey won the Northwest Harmonica Championship, so it's not just ME who thinks he's good...Lunar Eclipse Monday night 8-27; nice...There was an Alien convention, with over 18,000 intelligent life forms. Cat people and middle earth lizards; ha. Do you still think humans are "special"?..
This Month at the Dollar Tree: A bottle of Sere fire-roasted red peppers, more jalapeno cheese, and jalapeno chips. More Cajun hot sauce, too. I'm big on the burn right now. Dancing in the aisles at Dollar Tree.
Occupational Hazards: So many things...I finally rigged my work-messaging system so that under my name it states: "Does not play well with others"; stay tuned for the backlash. Backlashed; they didn't like it, awww. So then it became choice #2; "Out Of Order"...Our hold music that until last week bragged of things coming up in June, 2006, NOW brags of awards we won in February 2006; so, we're moving, uh, backwards in time?..One of my female co-workers uses TWO bags of coffee per brewed pot--we like that, even though nobody else does...2 of my other female teammates called me over to tell me they were admiring my butt while I was stomping around, all pissed off, one day...One of my other female teammates is a bigger Meatloaf fan than I am (she's seen him perform 3 times), and she gets better Flexerill than I can. The world needs more co-workers like mine! I went on a real, live BBQ lunch date with the Meatloaf girl. I forgot to grab her leg under the table; damn...I am now know as 'the guy who talks to the computers'. Nice...An upset guest filed a report against me; look at me quivering. I cannot fucking wait to monitor one of my own bad phone calls with big wigs, get fired, and then say 'What took you idiots so long?'. Wow; talk about seeing into the future. I cracked up my own Supervisor (and myself) with a great attitude problem from 1 bad phone call; yeah, monitor this!..I still have issues with all busy work; boo...My ex-at work girlfriend, who broke up with me back in July, is now being all nice to me again. Women are stupid...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: The 5th (and final) belt loop is no longer holding stuff up; I will need a smaller black belt. And that's good, right?...Broke my sunglasses on my birthday; aww...My favorite Vitamin Water is the XXX blueberry pomegranate; now you know...My life is completely unnecessary; there is nothing for me to do that cannot be done, nobody needs me, and I don't need to be here. There COULD be some depression in concluding that one's existence has no order. But I'm not depressed. Somebody, somewhere, woke my soul up and said 'Hey dude, you should go down to earth and wander.' And rather than shoot that alien a bird, and go back to sleep, like I SHOULD have done--I actually came down here to wander. Next time, I WILL go back to sleep. WTF was I thinking?..Motivation, Ambition, Goals, Wants, etc. I guess I AM due for a commentary on that stuff. Perhaps I should do an update on "Credit", too...Maybe I will get drunk on my birthday and yell alot at Blues Jam #33; we'll see...I'm wearing my broken watch--so it's permanently 8:15...I weighed 194.7 after a workout? No wonder I need a new belt!..8-11-07; I heard the music, saw the lights, and sensed the presence. But I'm still here--so what good did it do?..Many revelations; moths make tons of noise, Chiropractic Cold Packs work in the lunch bag...I was right all along--about so many different things; it tires me...Speaking of tires; Gus got some good work, and has 2 new shoes...8-29; Fully dressed, full pockets, and with the heaviest shoes I own, I weighed 198.7; that is obnoxiously skinny, 193(?) naked, and the least I've weighed since the 1980's...New left front hip pain sucks; thank you...Pain relief; looking at the full moon through the screen of the bong...
New foods this month: It could be you; maybe I'll bar-b-que you this month. Maybe I'm just hungry; now bend over...First I created the Baby Carrot Frisbee rice pot--which was good. Then came: Buttery Shredded Carrot Rice, and Summer Salad for 2, with spinach leaves for lettuce--I design artistic for Friday dinners...I found (and love) Banana Nut Bread Clif bars! I will eat them alone because my girl doesn't like bananas...From work, cool co-worker brought in a sack of plums, so now they are MY plums. This same coworker also brought zuchinni for everybody, and I did a successful 1st round of fried "z" with Santitas chips...Tried out the China Sun buffet at the mall; ehhh at best...
This month at Blues Jam: 8-2-07; my 32nd Blues Jam. Outside again. I walked with 5 different people. Horn Jeff showed up again, finally, and did battle beside Mike Tracey. The new blues guitarist Josh is great--and that forced Wolfgang to be even better. After the cab ride home, I passed out fully dressed on the bathroom floor. Woke up with floor tile face at 7:30 am. Go me!..I warned 'em all about my Blues Jam Birthday Bash next week...Birthday Blues Jam #33 for me, 8-9-07; it may require it's own commentary. Bathroom Chrissy, Misdemeanor Sandy, and Mouthpuke Mystery shots. No Wolfgang; I'll cuss him out later. Mike Tracey had a gig downtown, but STILL came by to sing my 3 songs for me (very cool); Val sang The Thrill is Gone TO me, sweet! Jeff showed, so that was "Where It's At", I strummed Ricky's guitar, helped Jeff play his trumpet, took tons of pictures, and somehow made it all the wee wee wee home to pass out IN the downstairs dungeon bathroom floor again. Girlfriend is pissed...Then we have 8-16-07; Blues Jam #34 for me. I rode on a tow truck to the bar at 3 pm--6 hours early. It wound up being over 10 hours at the bar for me; woo. Showed everybody pictures from 2 weeks ago; gave some to Mike T. and Wolfgang. Got Wolfgang's regular e-mail, too. Mike played all 3 of my songs, and a new one, Hand to Mouth. It was tons of fun, and I cabbed home to eat cold Cozmic Pizza at 2 am. Then I passed out IN the bathroom floor again. Wheee...8-23-07; Jam #35 for me. Wolfgang drops the bomb that he's leaving town in 2 weeks. Bummer. Strange gorgeous women shared gardening wealth with us; nice. I got to take many musicians on many walks--I like to do that. It was quite the jam, and there may be 1 more Camp Creek Wolfgang party on 8-31...8-30-07; Wolfgang's final Blues Jam. Wolfgang's wife met Static Girl early. What a show! I actually stayed coherent for the adventure. Wolfgang jumped out and played right in front of me 3 different times. Jeff showed up later and was the trumpet master again. JP was back, but Mike was gone--that's what happens when you're the NW harmonica champion. Wolf promises to trade e-mails with me while he takes over Europe, and he expects me to show back up and yell for him when he returns. I will.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: New revelations are scaring the crap out of me. What if we humans are the Rat Virus of intelligent beings; what if earth is known as a rogue planet with ELE's every 30K years? As I determined that my own life was unnecessary this month, what if ALL human life on earth is completely unnecessary? What if this whole human/earth catastrophe was all just an unfortunate occurence? What if we are merely Big Weeds that grew from Broken Seeds? What if the Aliens do an occaisional drive-by of earth, look out the window and say (short version) 'Oh no; the monkeys have taken over planet Earth!' (or, the long version) 'Remember those messed up little 2-Legged Rats we made by crossing us with the earth primates? Yeah; well those cranked-up earth primates TOOK OVER the planet, and they're trashing everything.' God doesn't really fit in to this equation. But evolution does. Weird. Hey; I still WANT to believe in God, AND Aliens, AND evoluiton. It's not my fault that all 3 cannot play together. It ain't me playing God while ignoring all this stupidity everyday; show us some wrath, Big Guy.
What's different here than in college town: Oregon Art Beat/Oregon Field Guide. On PBS, every week they do a 30 minute show on each. Sometimes the art is music, or local artists/obscure art festivals; all kinds of neat stuff. The Field Guide takes you on short tours of great places up here--so you can see if it's something you want to go check out yourself!..Similar to college town: Dollar General was my store of the 90's. Got a liter of DG mouthwash at the Cash King here...Morgellons Syndrome is most prevalent in the Bay area of CA. Google Morgellons, bitch...I found the Kiva store downtown; nice...A rich couple donated $100 million to the University Athletic Program; why am I still paying rent, bills, and taxes?..Dave O fell and cracked open his skull; there weren't even drugs involved this time...Congrads to Dalton Carriker and all the Warner Robins kids on winning the Little League World Series...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: These local convenience stores; Dari-Mart, are not corporate. They are all locally owned and operated here in Oregon, so I will buy my American Spirits there now...Lane County Fair mid-month! Many Blues Jams; I can go Saturday the 18th (until my ride temporarily died, poor Gus)...Diseases! Phoenix already had killer bees before we left; yawn. During my birthday week 2007, a dead bird in town here had the West Nile virus...Beer! The excellent Deschutes brewery does a Summer Twilight Ale that is very tasty. This beer actually tastes like dusk!..There's a Stop + Shop convenience store nearby that boasts of having 200 different kinds of beer; that's like a challenge, right?..Phoenix; 2005, police announced that 41,000 cars were stolen in Phoenix, to be resold in Mexico. That's a car stolen every 10 minutes; wow. The AZ police also say that illegal immigrants account for 80% of the total crime in the Phoenix area; 80% of the total crime. "But the Mexicans come here for jobs." Yeah; job on this, mutherfucker. "Jobs". Isn't this funny?..
Life with Static Girl: She broke my box fan; boo. So, in retaliation, I went and bought another one. No big deal...I requested some new (non-slip) fishies in the bathtub, so she added a few and made more art out of them! More from the tub; I don't have a choice--I must shower fairly soon after waking up on most days, all because of my back issues. So I am a morning shower person. To eliminate any friction, for 7 years my girlfriend has "adjusted" to afternoon and evening showers--and she has never complained once! My girlfriend!..Every couple of weeks (3 times in August!) she washes her little cotton panties. They all get to sunbathe atop her drying rack. I go down there and talk smack to all of them--especially my 5 favorite pairs. I sing, wink, point, nod, smile, and oh, never mind...Cozmic Pizza Girlfriend (she bought 2) for my birthday, and we double-tipped the very sweet delivery girl...She won't throw things away! She doesn't want to add to the earth's trash, which is sweet, but there're piles of broken shit everywhere...In it's purest form, with the first breath of air since the last day in the factory, and to be enjoyed directly: Now I understand her obsession with drinking Coke straight from the can!..After reading to her my mess last month about not getting to try the new ramen, she left out a package of it for me; the spiciest variety--because she knows that's what I like! I mixed in jalapeno chips, too--loved the new Miso stuff!..She leaves ME notes thanking me, and calling ME awesome. Wow!..I will use her buns like bongo drums, and pat my favorite song. Oh; I went there. Yes I did...She left me another note that said "I'm glad that I have you."; sweet...I freaked out and had to organize the kitchen pantry; but I can't even get IN to the back of the pantry. She, however, is very able to do the skinny sliver into the back of the pantry--so it's all hers now...I say: 80% of the time she's crazy about me--20% of the time she wishes I would go away. She agrees, but says to switch the 80/20. Hmpf...
My FCP has this for me: She's great! Breaking hearts and building her Christian Biker Chick resume. Rally Queen, baby. She sends me pictures, and smooches. She still loves me!..Yes, she still loves me. And my gorgeous, yummy, hot babe of a biker chick, #1 fan reciprocated sometimes needs to be reminded that she is ALL of these sexy, descriptive terms, and more! She deserves to be crushed on, worshipped, and dare I say "praised" like I do my girlfriend. My FCP has earned the right to be ruined. (A really smart woman would clone me, and quick!)
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: So; we can prove intelligent life was here on this planet Earth 2.8 billion years ago, and working with tools. Sure. But were they human? Continuing, sort of: Remember that genome term "Junk DNA"? I sure do. Well, (never was, is not now, and will never be) there is NO "junk" in DNA, you clueless sheep. The areas of the strand in question actually are proof of the alien/caveman hybrids we are--but nobody wants to discount religious imagery. Shhh; pretend like you knew this all along--God would want you to keep on playing even if you knew the game were rigged...Even though everything from China is made to sabotage the US; the coming Superhighways will bring us cheap Chinese trinkets, and probably more coffee mugs!..40K mortgage jobs are gone because, well, mortgages are gone. Repossess this, mutherfucker!..The St. Paul Saints sports team gave away Michael Vick Chew Toys for dogs; nice...Get this; you think parents are smart, and kids are good, and life is fair? Fuck you. Vinyl baby bibs sold at Toys-R-Us, bibs with Disney's Winnie the fucking Pooh on them, Disney Bibs, are filled with lead. LEAD! Why would you put lead in a baby bib? Well, babies need more lead, don't they? I know; let's put LEAD in baby bibs--I'm a genius...There's a family of "Duggars" somewhere, and they have 17 children. This has been the hot 'letters to the editor' topic here for a month. Quick note to the letter-writers (about the Duggars, and strippers everywhere); breeding is not illegal. Yet...
A thought to take with you: Life is pretty damn short. Comfort is often a good thing, and 'comfort zones' are familiar and warm. But comfort zones are neither passionate nor energizing.
"In a world full of people, only some want to fly. Isn't that crazy?"--Seal
I've been cute and dumb for months now, so it's time for another good Aristotle quote: "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
"You know what would have been a smart thing to do in these developing countries that need electricity? To have tried large-scale experiments with alternative energy sources; solar, wind, geothermal, etc. We could have tested and tried to perfect these technologies on a large scale in places that need it. That would have been smart. That's why we didn't do it."--George Carlin
Band names: I completed my poem with like, a dozen band names. 14? Maybe 14. Floor Tile Face (8-3-07), "Black Rage Issues" (Rescue Me), "Elbow Skin" (a direct naming on Rescue Me), "Retarded Religion" and "Laughable Theory" (Bill Maher's "The Decider"), "Garlic Diarrhea" (Bob Saget's "That Ain't Right"), Screaming Front Row Drunks and Mouthpuke (Birthday), 2 Day Hangover (after my birthday), Cheap Chinese Trinkets, Zucchini Breakfast, Vick Chew Toys, Leaded Disney Bibs,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: Music reviews in the Weekly here (Against Me!).
Watching: There's going to be a new Bionic Woman on tv; okay, why?..Tennis! There's this guy; Novak Djokovic, he's the best tennis player to come around in years. He's funny, talented, does impersonations of other tennis players, and the crowds love him. Watch this guy!..K O is so good on Countdown that I just--shit, I keep forgetting to record Sunday night football with him on it. Keith should have a contest to guest-host Countdown one night. Did you hear him throw to commercial with obscure Rush?. So we recorded the Patriots/Chargers game; commercial throws with Marrs, Joan Jett and Boston--nice (But I didn't see no Keith; wait, did he have surgery? Get well, K. O.! Aloha!)...The Bones Dr. lady, is that Emily Deschanel? She's good; a vegan, animal lover--you know, save the seals, and shit. Bring us some new Bones, bitch!..Dish woke me up with a phone call to offer me Showtime free for 3 months; which I wanted to do, because Marie Louise Parker wants me (Weeds). Mary? Yeah; she wants me--even though I'm not totally sure what her first name is...The "Blink" episode of Dr. Who was as entertaining as anything else on tv; it was as good as "Gridlock"; Dr. Who rules--and was referenced in Family Guy #101...God Bless football; I have 2 things to say. Yes; my Patriots look incredible again, and for the 4th time in 6 years I am predicting they will go undefeated. Of course they will NOT go undefeated; no team ever will again. But it's funny that Cris Carter, Dan Marino, TK from PTI (and many others) agree that THESE 2007 Patriots have ZERO weaknesses, AND a motivated Randy Moss. Ha! The other thing I want to say about football is: Steve Smith (Panthers). He got away from 6 defenders who had him stopped, dead, twice, and then flew another 60 yards for the best touchdown run I've seen this Century...I am much more like The Soup's Joel Mchale than I ever realized! And Joel likes Seth Green--Robot Chicken. (with a nice segue into) While scouting for Robot Chicken on TOON, I saw some anime. It looked like an Asian teenage girl (Hello!), so I focused (duh). She said "I'm going to cut you into little pieces.". Wow; so "Inuyasha" channels Pink Floyd lyrics--I may have to go back and get a little more of that--maybe she could channel some Pink for me (a quadruple pun--thank you)...
Class Projects: I watched "Inside Deep Throat" because I'm a guy. Girls should act more like Linda Lovelace; that's what I'm saying...It's about time to watch "Airplane" again; stay tuned..."When Stand-Up Stood Out"; the Boston comedy scene in the early 80's; nice...Earth vs. The Spider; ha. Death of the Supermodels, and Farce of the Penguins; ha. Re-watched "Die Hard", and "Devil's Rejects", too.
Watching and Hearing: I heard "Tarantula" slide into "Bulls on Parade" on the Sirius; I would do shit like that on the radio now, but of course THAT'S not going to happen....David Gilmour did some satellite premier of his new 85-minute DVD "Remember That Night--Live at the Royal Albert Hall". It was at a theater fairly close, but I found out about it a day late; boo...On Showtime, I caught Neil Young's "Heart of Gold"; very nice...See; this 'watching and hearing' shit used to be all about the music used in tv commercials. But tv commercials are so pathetic, and getting worse. So I outgrew the idiocy of nailing and naming down ad songs--and soft music in the background of tv shows, because it's just dumb. Then I saw the new Honda commercial with classic ELO in it, and I smiled big...Another car ad had Stevie Ray in it, and I don't approve...You've seen Queen in the AT+T commercial by now, right?
Hearing: I heard a Simon and Garfunkel-ish version of (what we know as Lynyrd Skynyrd's version of) "The Breeze", and it was excellent...Didn't I mention last month, or 2 month's back, that new song 'Think I'm in love but it makes me kinda nervous to say so.' It's Beck, but it sounds like every Jeff Lynne (ELO) song ever made--I LOVE it (duh)! And if Beck is channeling Jeff Lynne, well that's just fine with us. I've been on a Garbage tear; Bleed Like Me, Beautiful, new Absolute, those mixes, and my many other mixes of Crystal Method/Garbage (yum yum; thanks FCP!)...Pumpkins and Stabbing Westward get me through...I read about Fla. punk band Against Me!. Butch Vig produced this 2007 CD "New Wave". Their song "Thrash Unreal" 'deals with the substance abuse and tension often associated with working minimum wage jobs and seeking a release via partying.' Hmmm; my existence is Thrash Unreal...Barkeep DJ played Helmet I don't have, and some other band: Fingertight, was very good...
New on the radio; New Foo on the way to work? Nice; Texas loves Foo Fighters, too...Did I hear new Mark Knopfler? The CDWorld sign brags of more new Ministry; I am way behind. Is the new Eagles called "Long Road"; that's the best they could do? A better name would have been "Frozen Botoxed Zombies with hair extensions"; they could have called their tour 'Hey, at least we're not REO Speedwagon'. Speaking of zombies...
Musical Purchases this month: I will see his movie, and I will also buy the Rob Zombie soundtrack to his new version of "Halloween"...Bought the Against Me! CD.
Out and About: I used to pay attention, but now I'm too paranoid. Country music at the Big B Tire place (Gus has 4 good shoes now). Wings at Dollar Tree. Richard Marx and Styx at Albertson's. Chicago and Roxy Music at Fred Meyer. I'm still paranoid, though.
Singing: Singing should always lead off with a handful of Blues Jam songs; these are the songs I sing the most: "Scratch My Back" and "I Don't Care" by Mike Tracey; and "Speaker Monkey" by Z Bass. If I sing Wolfgang songs, and Downtrodden shit that nobody else has, am I out to lunch? Does anybody outside of Georgia know any Five Eight songs? "At The Foot Of The Hill"--Wolfgang Rehmert, "No Other Way"--Downtrodden, "Shut Me Off"--Five Eight (all of you can kiss my ass); "Running With The Pack"--Bad Company, "Nobody Home"--Pink Floyd, "Time Warp"--Rocky Horror, "Mr. Blue Sky"--ELO, "Fame"--Bowie, "Machine Head"--Bush, "In The Meantime"--Spacehog, "Voices"--Russ Ballard, "Twilight"--U2,
What I want today: Today I want the cleansing to begin.
New stuff this month or so: The Weekly World News is shutting down; booo. I lived for the "bat boy" and Bigfoot stories...Game Fuel? That's not my regular Code Red Mountain Dew dressed up like Halo3 and other dumbass movies; it's a different type of Code Red with Live Wire coloring, and some citrus spice. And it's fine--a nice caffeine cross-train, but don't pretend like a static combo meal is some brand new thing. Now we're going to need a new Kevin Smith movie to be the anti-product-placement thing. Get on that, Kev. Kevin Smith and Seth Macfarlane are going to come hang with me for a week, and then go make a movie; yes, it IS a great idea. Thank you...A child's plastic toy grenade caused quite the stir in the Miami water port; what kind of parent lets its kid play with war toys anymore? Are you fucking kidding me? Here; take a toy machine gun to the grocery, too, and a plastic knife to the bank...The purple teletubbie is gay? Is that Tinkie Winkie? Wait; I don't even remember there BEING any sex in that city. Actually, it was more like a meadow. Maybe Gay Teletubbie Sex will come to DVD...
This Month at the Dollar Tree: I need to go. Chocolate and Cheese (thanks Ween)...
Occupational Hazards: Problems; we had a smog/smell/scent of Christmas Tree problem near our section at work one morning. Rather than TELL me about this happening, the finders were filing blame against me. Me, and the smell of pot? Sure, I understand--I would blame me, too! But; at work? Ethics is coming to visit; we should be peeing in a cup this month. Ha. It made me so nervous that I spilled coffee on myself 3 times one day. Almost peed in my coffee mug. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."...There was a big company meeting, with a film, and the intro song was good obscure Queen--I was impressed...All the people on my team are scampering for any chance to work overtime. I just don't get it--Hippie Chick doesn't get it, either. We barely come to work when we're supposed to...We had a company function picnic, with food, games and a live DJ. Bring the kids! The DJ played some questionable songs, like the strip-club grind "Shake That Ass For Me". At least the magician was great!..Remember our blind lady at work, with the seeing eye dog? Yes; the one who still drives her car to work--legally blind, and she parks in the handicapped spots. Right. So, you also may find fascinating (I do) that she reads books with very small type. I'm talking SMALL type; type that gives people headaches, the main reason I don't read stupid fucking books. Driving, reading books with small type, and legally blind--with a cool dog companion; I think I've found my new handicap. I wonder if blind lady plays pinball and gets free glaucoma pot, too. I could be a blind lady--call it a new goal!..Hippie Chick at work has turned us on to pears and corn grown in her garden. The best ever!..One morning (9-12) I screwed up first thing, which got it out of the way early; and it improved my mood. It was like spilling coffee all over your shirt early--now we can just get on with the day. I wound up having a really good day, and wrote out some poetic rough drafts. The 4 ideas became 2 poems for my girlfriend that you will never see. Ha!..I got some verbal counseling for my attendance issues; look at the concern on my face...Doing doughnuts around a cop car; wish I had a supervisor like that...Security stole, and then destroyed my big, double-cup coffee mug. Those fuckers; now I really am drinking 8 cups of coffee per day...Co-worker with the coolest nickname: "3XD".
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Is this the longest Sidebar ever? I've got post-it pads everywhere; work, tv, kitchen, room, Gus. Let's fucking write already!..Went to the Jackalope and played Elvis pinball--it's great (won a game on my first game played, even with a broken right flipper). They also have an Attack From Mars game that I put 9 billion on (score #2). So I called down there on 9-7-07 to see if Elvis pinball had flipper-work done yet. It has NOT been worked on--it has been replaced by Pirates of the Caribbean pinball, which is only 1 year old, and I now have much, much work to do. 9-8-07--that was easy; 116 million on my first day. On the other game, Attack From Mars, my old score is now 12 billion (yay), but now it's score #3 (boo). I bet shit like this happens to everybody. At this Jackalope Lounge, barkeeps Desy and Kelly both want me (of course they do). And my theme for this Eugene Celebration Day of 9-8-07 was "Public Urination"...Sliced my thumb open (left), and the right thumb got jealous; so I ripped, dug, and cut the cuticle off of it to make it bleed. That seemed to satisfy the left thumb. Yeah; earrings are for pussies. If you want to make a statement, then slice up your own artistic vehicles (...come on baby, can you bleed like me?..)...After a shower; a large chunk of brown shit fell out of my right ear. It was marble-sized; no smell, kind of mushy--it looked like meat. I flushed it; sure, I bet shit like this happens to everybody...I started masturbating to the new Pumpkins CD; tracks 5, 6, and 7. Do your own research, bitch...Make it a cold line of work: strippers should be fixed! No fucking children. That was easy; "Historectify"...Carrots get brown and gooey, but I still eat them. Carrots don't go bad, right?..9-15-07; more pinball at Jackalope. My new Pirates high score is 161 million. I left 5 games on it, and left 2 more on Attack From Mars pinball. I am still the best pinball player you know. Yes; and barkeeps Laurel and Amy both want me...Tuesday 9-18-07; too sick to work, but not to play pinball: 13 bil Attack From Mars, and a 148 mil Pirates; drank my new brew Anderson's Summer Solstice--wait, that's food. Barkeep Amy still wants me...Have you ever peed in the bong? Bong Piss? That is absolutely disgusting; disturbing even. Um, I'll be back in a few minutes...What does it mean when I type stuff out, look at it, say "hmmmm", and then 10 seconds later it's gone? Am I just supposed to retype it and say "hmmmm" again? Is it a "do over"? Are they dropping messages on me? I have questions...My body is trying to get sick; I'm coughing up oatmeal. It's kind of fun, but I haven't eaten oatmeal in years...I need to anticipate the greed and stupidity of others; In real life I should act more like I do on this fucking webpage. I need a flame-thrower, and a taser...What would be so wrong with just killing all the homeless, hungry, poor and stupid people? I mean; do they benefit us at all? Obviously; common sense has left the building...Mutts! Like the comic strip, I got bonked in the head by an acorn...9-22; more Jackalope pinball. I stayed 3 hours too late, watched UGA beat 'Bama in overtime, and came home with a bit lip--probably by one of the many bartenders (and waitress Gay) there who want me...Tues. 9-25, enabled; pinball at Blues Jam bar; finally got the grand champ score on their warped Nascar pinball--168 mil...It is up to me to open the channels for creative thought; Mohammed and the mountain, baby. "I see sparks and flashes; warps and strings, slow-motion trails, and swirly colored things.". Anybody can handle with care; I want to fondle with flair! And before I can fondle you, I will need to practice with some more Smashing Pumpkins...Not just acorns from the sky, I got nailed in the face with bird shit, too...
New foods this month: Vegan BBQ Riblets, and Fakin Bacon! (well, when I find it)...Finally got to go to the Big Produce stand out here on the westside; lemon cucumbers, today's tomatos, and blackberries, yum!..Only a matter of time; I found the local huge Hazelnuts, and they are excellent! 8th Continent soy milk is still crap, but at least we tried it again...Beer is food; so the Henry Weinhard Summer Wheat counts as yummy Oregon food; I still like the Deschutes Twilight, too...Girlfriend gets these chunks of bread from her co-workers. Here at the house, we create our own forms of microwaved garlic bread. Mine has extra garlic, and pepperjack cheese. On weekends I can eat it twice per day; yum...Hello Vegans? Hi; I'm dating one of you right now--and yes, you people are nuts. Just wanted to mention 2 things that would solidify your cause; an adequate cheese substitute, and some soy milk chocolate. These are MY ideas, yes, but I no longer give a shit about getting paid for them. Make these happen, you skinny fools!..From the cool produce stand we have Blue Lake Green Beans! They are delicious; 6 ft. tall Produce Stand Goddess Ariel showed me how to cook them!..New food? Blue Moon Ale unfiltered is what I drink at my new pinball bar; it's packed with alcohol and calories. Newer food; Blue Moon fucking kills me, so I've dropped down to Anderson's Summer Solstice brew at Jackalope. Yum...Peanut Toffee Buzz Clif Bars; my new favorite--without a doubt...Inspired by her cooking tofu squares, I made another crock pot of beans; yay me...Brush Fire Summer Ale; it's done by the Fire Station 5 Brewing Co. (drink it while watching Rescue me)...What we fucking need is some "vegan grease" for the fake fucking sausage shit. THERE'S a whole commentary in one sentence. More? What; I tried these new Gardenburger fake chicken patties--they fucking taste like hand lotion. Wow; now I miss the old cardboard taste--it's like they're not even trying sometimes. One other kind of fake burger was sort of salt-flavored. That's all I could taste. Seriously; it was like eating a nosebleed. Pray for these new Morningstar sausage link-looking fuckers I found. There are also these other little sausage patties, and they are slightly above average (yay). I may become a Vegan Bully; wtf are you lookin' at?
This month at Blues Jam: My first 3 Blues Jams were in December 2006. Then I enjoyed Blues Jams with Wolfgang for more than 6 months; I will now go see (NW Champ) Mike Tracey play harmonica more often; maybe I'll go see Jeff blow his trumpet in other bars; and, maybe I'll make friends with a new Guitar Hero. But it will be tough to follow Wolfgang. And I may rename Blues Jams as "Thursday Night Throw-Downs"; you know, to give it a little Georgia edge...On 9-6-07, my Jam #37, more outside, I got to talk to Mike Tracey for like, 30 minutes. He told me how to find his MySpace page. Horn Jeff said I am the "Norm Peterson" of the bar, and he challenged me to pinball (good luck, Jeff). I barely remember anything late--it must have been great; the cab didn't come for me until 3 am...On 9-13-07, Blues Jam 38 for me, indoors, guitar wizard Jerry Z came back (cool). 7 fucking guitar players; Hell Yes! Guitar Vince says I am the mascot of Blues Jam. Drunk? Horn Jeff brought us a new sax player, too; "Dave", I think. Some guy named Sam plays the guitar like a piano--layed out on his lap like a dobro, using all 10 of his fingers. He is apparently a local legend--I will learn more; I yelled loud for him. I called "I Don't Care" "I Don't Know" (oops), but Mike played it anyway. Z Bass and I talked a couple of times; he says that my "Drunk Mascot" influence helped him write a new song, and that's fucking great!..9-21-07, I drove past a free rib buffet at the neighborhood nudey bar, and missed my new favorite punk band Against Me!'s show at the WoW Hall to go yell inside--Jam #39 for me. A new wizard guitar player, R J was there; Z Bass and MT both said that I would be impressed with R J--they were right! Z's new song that I inspired is called "Good Good Music"; a little slower, and excellent. I ate dinner with harp champ MT, and later demanded his e-mail. He is amused by me. MT played "Blind, Crippled and Crazy", which had a little of his masterful scat; very nice. Horn Boy Jeff trumpeted his usual brilliance. Daytime worker at the bar, Trey, also tore up on a gorgeous cobalt blue guitar. Mark the Harp said that we should make a bar collage out of all my pictures--that could happen. Maybe I got really drunk; I fucking love Blues Jam. Speaker Monkey, yes, but no Scratch My Back...Blues Jam #40 was 9-27-07, inside again. I got individual #4-hole draw, note-bending instruction from MT himself, which could have been the highlight of the whole night--but was not. I heard ALL of my songs, (but) set 4 was completely for me--alone in the bar. When 7 talented musicians play an entire set for YOU, alone, in YOUR bar, then you can claim to be the man. But right now; I AM THE MAN...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is furious at me for contemplating crazy conspiracy shit, like that earth is a rogue planet, and we're all a big bad accident. I think God is scared that I stumbled in to enlightenment. Hey; I either get punished, or I don't. Fuck this place either way. Sorry God...If this little planet were so damn important, then we would not have the ability to trash it as we have--somebody would have stopped us. We should shoot a trash barge out into space as our way of saying "Look at how cool we are!"...
What's different here than in college town: Local company "Toby"; must find out more about them...The U of O Duck mascot beat the crap out of the Houston Cougar mascot, and now our mascot is in trouble. Cool. But UGA never choked any Gators or Tigers; heck, the worst thing I ever saw UGA do was knock over my Mountain Dew when I was MC-ing a Walktoberfest back in 1995--and later he apologized to me!..Oregon has a Siltcoos area, the largest coastal lake; boats, skiers, fishing, etc. But not right now; why? Thank the huge Toxic Algae Bubble. No water usage of ANY kind--until further notice. Dead in the water; dead on the water; dead water; I'll stop now...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Market of Choice fabric shopping bags--a good idea...Starting 9-14-07, you can see your breath at night! (Last year it happened first on 9-22-06) Seasons change, and so do I...The R Harvest Farms Produce Stand is where I'm getting most of my produce now; it's not the Crooked Sky, but it's good...
Life with Static Girl: My girlfriend is like sweet, staining blackberries--Blackberry Girlfriend; I want to get her all over me. She just rolls her eyes...She is brilliant, and can easily trick me into cleaning things--which I don't really mind. And then she claims I am too neat and tidy--mixed signals!..My girlfriend has internal and external demons constantly in motion; I am lucky to just be a part of her world...I came home and smelled cornbread. Went to the kitchen, and it was actually chocolate cake she had baked for her work. So I (of course) called it "Chocolate Cornbread", and there would be none left for me (her work ate it all)...Call me displayful: I overreact; I am an emotionally charged person. She does not react; she is an emotionally unavailabe person. Opposites attract, and get along amazingly well. I actually don't need for a woman to be emotionally available; what I need is a woman who can shut the Hell up, and keep herself entertained when I'm having one of my frequent episodes. Thank you...With most all exercise, she would rather just get the activity completed--and speak of it in the past tense. She has no desire to see (or be) any part of sweating. For example; maybe I can get her to walk with me for 10 minutes, but she's not going to throw frisbee...Friday 9-14-07 was an excellent night. All our Fridays are pretty good, yes, but this one also had a poetry reading. I had to go back to basics; 10 years with 1 woman is a long damn time. Hey; I cook, clean--do all service for my woman proudly, write for her, and brag about her to strangers. What does your man do for you?..Sometimes I get really lucky, and wake up at 5:30 am. I cook breakfast for Tegan, and hand-feed her while Static Girl watches. Then I get to hug, kiss, and fondle my girlfriend's softest skin in the universe while she smiles and pretends to be asleep. Nice...She made more Static Girl Tofu Squares, and I ate some with her homegrown hummus; yum...9-17-07; Static Girl learned the hard way that it is now too cold to be prancing around downstairs in panties and one of my t-shirts...After a random night of my insane cooking and cleaning, she left me a note on the stove that says "I like you.". I am The Man...Art By The Foot! She drew all over her right foot and ankle with her cool pencils one evening; it was incredible! I went back to observe again on the next night, but it was all gone--just her pretty feet, with no art. But; what a great idea! She should tell those art-by-the-inch people about art-on-the-foot. My girlfriend is amazing!..I get abused on vacation; she gets abused at work. She came home from work so pissed off one day, that she was "Bah" to everything. I became her "Bahfriend". It took awhile, but I did make her feel better...She got a new credit card with a studly frog on it...In return for picking up some broccoli for her, she made a special batch of cornbread for me! Life is good...
My FCP has this for me: I talked to her for a few minutes on Labor Day; she sounds good! Scratch that; she sounds as delicious as ever!..She has the concept of her life all figured out; maybe she doesn't have all the details. However, I have excellent detail clarification (pinball, poetry, frisbee, music), but I'm a conceptual basket case. Ain't that a hoot? And, possibly, more of the "opposites attract" thing...I am the last link TO the gutter for my FCP; she respects my dispositon, and with her filters she sands down my rough edges. Ooo; 'sand down my rough edges', baby!
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: New studies show that human DNA is more complex than first thought; ha. Do ya think?..Burt's Bees and Morningstar (decent fake bacon), companies that have tried to produce more natural and earth-friendly products, both have now been bought by corporations. Meat Kellog...Tacoma, WA; Former teacher Jennifer Leigh Rice, 31, has been in jail since August for kidnapping a 10 yr. old boy for sex. Wow...Oil is up over $80 a barrel now; I am SO glad we finally have all those alternative choices for driving fuel...An Ohio woman goes to work, and leaves her baby in the car. The baby dies from being left in the 140 heat, in the car, for 7 hours. Ohio has not charged mom with a crime OR tied her tubes yet. She is free to breed again--hey look; she's heading for the sperm bank! Historectify!..
Toot + Poot: 3 ELO mentions this month; that's pretty sweet...How is "Twilight Zone" NOT my 2nd favorite song of all time? It is a great song, it's the music behind my 2nd favorite pinball machine--a machine I played well twice during the '93 PAPA tournament, that song pretty much IS 1993 for me, with '93 being the year I got on the radio, and it was the best double encore Hazel Virtue ever closed 50 shows with.
A thought to take with you: "No mother ever dreams her daughter's gonna grow up to be a junkie. No mother ever dreams that her daughter's gonna grow up to sleep alone."--"Thrash Unreal" by Against Me!
"It is man's sympathy with all creatures that first makes him truly a man."--Albert Schweitzer (that's from the box of my new vegan riblets)
"What counts can't always be counted; what can be counted doesn't always count."--Albert Einstein
I like Einstein quotes: "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not people or things."--Albert Einstein
"Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it."--Walter Chrysler (that's fucking brilliant, by the way)
Bumper Sticker: An armed society is a polite society.
Band names: Plastic Toy Grenade, Blackberry Girlfriend, Quantum Entanglement, Bad Carrots, Sprinkles of Genius (Family Guy #2), Adequate Cheese Substitute, Chocolate Cornbread, Chocolate Garlic Cornbread (oh just quit it), Historectify, Displayful, Decent Fake Bacon, Produce Stand Goddess, Drunk Mascot, Bong Piss, Coughing Up Oatmeal, Vampirate, Toxic Algae Bubble, Vegan Grease, Release Valve, You Bit My Lip, Vegetarian Bullies, Creative Cannibalism, Gay Teletubbie Sex,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: The FOE website is taking a break, which he certainly deserves. Google "Fred On Everything" and see where it takes you. So we will NOT be reading that like we normally do, and this already sucks. But we can go back and re-read hundreds of his old, excellent commentaries, and maybe order one of his books finally. And we will appreciate the fact that we even HAD a Fred to relay the dramatic irony for us...Wait! Thousands of people begged him to keep on trucking; and for the moment, he is! God Bless Fred. Fred may well be one of our final links back to when America was great; and with his impressive vocabulary, he will help keep the dust off of your thesaurus, too!
Watching: Dr. Who is/was possibly the best show on tv (without cussing), and the season is over. We will miss it!..Rescue Me is the best show on tv with cussing, and we will miss it, too....HBO One Night Stand; Dennis Wolfberg...We're going to switch over to Showtime from HBO, so (along with Weeds) I've been checking out Californication, too. It's okay...The end of 10-22's Countdown was so good that it was ripped from the airwaves and replaced by a completely dead screen. Kick ass! Keith; whatever you did, or said, or your tone of voice, or if you rolled your eyes like my girlfriend--whatever it was, I'm very proud of you. Thank you...I keep missing Keith O on Sunday night football; maybe for 1 week he could just kick everybody else out, yes--even Costas, and just run it HIS way one week. Have Dan Patrick march up and sit in for a segment; you want ratings? I'll get you some fucking ratings...Joel McHale on The Soup gets better every week; who wouldn't be a "Laughlin" fan?
Class Projects: Girlfriend asked me to record 4 hours of a CNN show; Planet in Peril. What excellent and disturbing proof that there are way too many humans on this little rock.
Other than that, I just watch movies alone. "American Crime", like Robin Williams' "Insomnia", had fantastic potential, but fell far short...'Young girls discover new ways to pleaure themselves' (Who wouldn't watch that?); that was the summary of "Sexual Exploration". It was pathetic--it did NOT follow the summary...2000's "Cut" with Molly Ringwald was okay; and the soundtrack had a song by my Atlanta band Drill...2005's "Slither" was worthless, but had 2 Jane Jensen songs in it (she's my favorite comic book whore)..."The Comedians of Comedy" was Patton Oswalt's 2005 road comic movie; they played in Portland and Eugene; very nice. Patton is the fusion of me and my first roomate T. R.. And I've been a fan of Maria Bamford's vocal prowess for 15 years, maybe more...
Watching and Hearing: Tons of my childhood songs are selling cars now; Supertramp has invaded Acura commercials. Wings is selling something, Free is in there hocking cell phones; I'm going to be sick. I mean "sicker".
Hearing: Orbit, Caviar, ELO, Dream Life Misery, my new Almond Davis CD, both of my new T-Bone Stone CD's, Crystal Method came out for a hangover, 10-29 home sick was Crumb and Tool day, Jane Jensen (New CD's by Orbit and Jane Jensen coming to me soon!), Portland band Rye Hollow (go buy "Hearts Like These") is outstanding--singer Breanna Paletta is gorgeous, and a fine guitar player, but it's her VOICE that will stop you and make you take notice.
New on the radio; is that new Springsteen et al, after, like, 5 years? New Dylan, too? Neat...Is that an entire tribute album of Dio songs, or just one Killswitch remake of "Holy Diver"?..More new Papa Roach? Nice...New Muse?..That new Puddle of Mud song has the Money For Nothing lyric that will get them sued by Knopfler if they're not careful...New REM; new P J Harvey?..Public radio did B.B. King into Fleetwood Mac, which is just like I would do. You'll never hear shit like that on regular radio..."Pucifer"? Is that the name of the new M J Keenan thing? Tool meets Crystal Method and Frank Zappa at the same party; and THAT is a trainwreck you could sell tickets to; baby.
By the way; people talking on regular radio this Century completely suck ass. There is NOBODY treating this like it could be their last day on the air; nobody lives and dies by the quality of their breaks anymore. They all sound entitled and elitist; those little fudge-fuck cue-card readers really piss me off. They're not even fucking trying, and they can all kiss my ass. You people wouldn't fucking know what just hit you if I were to get back in there and start scream-switching and speed-talking. You, seriously--it's not totally your fault; you've been dumbed-down by corporate radio over the past 10 years, and you would not know how to respond to a true radio student anymore. And it's YOUR fucking loss, bitch. I care--but only to a limited degree. Those new DJ's make me cringe; erugh.
Musical Purchases this month: 10-6, downtown, in a used record store, I found a cassette copy of Rush' "Farewell to Kings" for 25 cents. I handed my girlfriend 30 cents and said "You are buying this for me!". Played "Xanadu" and "Closer to the Heart" for her on the ride home. Rush fans unite: "Oh I will dine on honeydew, and drink the milk of paradise." Later I would hear that second song again; stay tuned...I paid $10 for 2 T-Bone Stone CD's; Almond Davis just gave me one of his CD's, and then bought me a beer; we like Almond.
Out and About: Hall and Oates, Chicago and Sister Sledge at Dollar Tree; 3 decades at Big Lots--90's Natalie Mechant, 70's Carpenters, and 80's Great White; Beatles, Aretha Franklin and George Benson at Dollar Tree;
Singing: "I Don't Care"--Mike Tracey, "Possum Kingdom"--Toadies, "Starlight"--Muse, "Ants in the Kitchen"--Masters of Reality, "Black Celebration"--Monster Magnet does Depeche Mode, "When September Ends"--Greenday, "Band on the Run"--Wings, "Real Me"--the Who, "Creep"--Radiohead (In the shower at work!), "Deep Down I'm Shallow"--Caviar, "Hey Let Go"--Caviar, "Implore"--Crumb, "Beth"--Kiss, "Seems Like a Dream"--Fleetwood Mac, "Thrash Unreal"--Against Me, the theme to "Weeds" on Showtime 'and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same'.
What I want today: I want to follow Mike Tracey around and go to a shitload of Blues shows; um, hang on a second...I want Ron White to be my new Drunk Stepdad...
New stuff this month or so: We got some stuff in our apartment worked on; they flooded the underside of my dungeon bathroom sink, and made the upstairs toilet run much louder and more often. Go Maintenance!..John Deere stuff is supposed to be All-American. But even my John Deere drinking glasses are from China...Heard about (Infinity) a lifetime razor--one of my many million $ ideas, but the reviews are horrible. Oh well...They tell you to not just 'go through the motions'. But we are all just fucking going through the motions right now. And lo; how dumbass these motions are 'and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same'...
This Month of bargain-Shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): jalapeno cheese slices, chips, and frozen peas and carrots from Dollar Tree; expired Special K breakfast bars and expired Grape Nuts bars, expired juice bottles that stain wood, and expired flavored water from Big Lots--I am edgy; fuck, how do you spell "edgey"?
Occupational Hazards: This week was our 1-year anniversary; so?..My new nickname is "Walnut"; my old name of "Psycho Boy" apparently offended some fat girl feminist cunts somewhere in job land. Women are so cute; you know, because if I were a woman, knowing that some guy's nickname was "Psycho Boy" would definitely offend ME, too...On 10-16, warm air started coming through the vents at work; I guess it's Winter now...We don't know where the pot smell came from, and I don't smoke at work--so it wasn't me. Maybe it came through the vents with the warm air...I stomp around and say "Yeah; teach me a lesson, and send me the fuck home!", but they never do. They never sent me home from any of the radio stations either; or the credit place, MIC, Infinite, or any jobs for that matter. I need a new 'defiance' statement...By the way, I was right all along about having to find a way to live on $8 an hour (Thrash Unreal, baby); upsold and downsized, interned and outsourced. Have fun...We had this thing at work, and they begged us all to sign up for overtime. I did not. Turns out; 2 hours into this "thing", there was no extra business, and people got sent home. Ha. I giggle again...One morning, because of roadblocks, I had to drive 30 miles to work--now that's dedication; I don't get the credit I deserve...After one of the multiple consecutive blues jams, I was in the breakroom at work, with crusted eyes, couldn't breathe, couldn't see, half deaf, hunched and moaning over the sink. Some girl asks me if I'm okay, and I said 'This wouldn't be the first sink I puked in today.' And she ran out! Ha; but they won't send me home--they never do...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: (Because of the first line that follows, we have changed the name to "This Month of Blues Jamming!") 5 Blues Jams in 8 days; wooo, and later Steve and I would do 3 Jams in 3 days... It only took 2 visits to the new machine to blow it away and score 2 billion on Pirates of the Caribbean pinball at Diablo's; the old high score was 620 million. After the Blues Jam on 10-10, I played 1 ball of Pirates, scored 504 million, and left it with Steve (it was already score #4, he ended with 580). I've been back for another 826 million, and 904, too. During the 1.5 billion ball of my best game (10-6-07), the bar's music service played "Closer to the Heart"--2nd time that day; nice. 10-13 also had the newest Nascar high score of 218 mil; and that lasted for 6 days...10-14; woke up to my ankle swollen; it looks sprained all to shit. Ow. So I will limp for a whole week, and be extra pissy. I call it my Morgellons ankle; but I cannot worry about this crap right now...Along with 'blues jamming', I changed the cheap section of Sidebar Hell to "This month of bargain-shopping:"...The Higher Forces (God and the Aliens) are salesmen--doing a take-away on me! They are testing me by taking away some more of the feeling in my body--to see if I bitch, or become more appreciative of what little I have left; I would still choose pain over numbness; there were a couple of scary numb days in October, and I am appreciative...Penis envy? Maybe I have boob envy, but there won't be any fuzz envy, ever...Snooze-button-boogie is good for me--it allows me to assess my position, keeping the pillow between my knees--make adjustments, etc; you people wouldn't understand...The Dollar Store Chinese Aim toothpaste was rotting my teeth; so now I use this $5 shit, and have a prescription for $20 toothpaste...I own 2 digital video cameras, and cannot work either one of them...I am forced to relive "I should have said--"'s in my head all day and night because people are so pathetic; I fucking hate people...If we're going to keep concentrating on cartoons, then I want Pinky and the Brain AND The Tick DVD's...10-19-07 we scored a 330 mil on Nascar pinball, and we broke the machine by warping the mutiball during a double Champ Challenge. Jeezus; I'm the fucking Pinball Wizard of 5 bars right now--do I need a new Sidebar heading to keep up with this shit? Um, maybe...I will burp through a harmonica someday...Too crippled for housework on 1 Monday night; on the next Monday I set cleaning records. "I do more by 1 am (in 3 hours) than most people do all day"...I MUST have all 5 pinball scores, and have "Unanimosity" on the Diablos Pirates pinball machine--like I do at Jackalope. Okay; that was easy--I am pretty much Mr. Unanimosity now, mutherfucker. So; I created a new word, and am now living it in 2 bars. Go me!..I need to do commentaries; one for Fred, one for Wolfgang, one for Mike Tracey, David Hamel, Pirates pinball, the barefoot kids picture my FCP put up/the pro-creational virus that is 90% of women/breeding must be stopped. I just don't have time...I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience for some M + M research; my Summer Crush was the originally intended crock pot for this chocolate fondue, but she's gone MIA. My FCP would happily play E Z Bake Oven for me, but she's in the midst of maintenance. This is a great idea; I shouldn't have to beg. Even the best women have faults. The Overnight Guy told you that...
New foods this month: Eugene Brewing Company; they make a sweet Red brew (World Cafe). Yum!..Oddwalla food bars; they are my new cross-training from Clif Bars...With all the contaminated spinach, and the fact that it only lasts 3 days before it rots, we've gone back to icebergeron lettucifer...Girlfriend made some barley/lentil soup; it wasn't bad, but it needed a little doctoring up. I created barley soup salvage for a week--I am fucking great at salvaging food; ask my girlfriend...Tofu cutlets; they're like little fake steaks; yum...Girlfriend ordered me 4 kinds of vegan jerky; anticipation...Is coffee food? Sometimes. So we're trying out this Tully coffee; it is more finely ground and flavorful than advertised; yum...I cooked potatos with peas; any excuse to carve more garlic, baby! Yum...My vegan jerky came; one kind is called "Stonewall's Jerquee". Their "wild" flavor may be the best food ever; I want 30 lbs. of it. Now you know...My yummy Anderson's Summer Solstice brew at Jackalope has been phased out, and a new Deschuttes brew called "Hop Trip" has wiggled into it's place. The other Deschuttes "Twilight" has been the only beer in my fridge for a month; love it...On my 1st sick day, 10-29, girlfriend made me Healing Miso with peas and corn; yum...
This month of Blues Jamming! Thanks to Mike Tracey, I now know where the World Cafe, Sam Bond's, and Papa's Soul Food are! Thanks Mike!..I forgot to mention the Mac's Blues show on Sat, 9-29-07 last month. Mac's is a true Blues House--with blues 5 nights a week. That may have been the tightest and most enjoyable night yet. A long "Use Me Up", and another long "I Don't Care", plus all the rest. I pretended to be with the band; taking pictures, changing seats, and reminding people of the tip jar I made; it was amazing! Met singer Vicki Stevens, too...First Jam of October was a 10-3 Wednesday night downtown at Diablo's. Another empty Blues Jam. Each venue has its own personality; this one had mad skill and intricacy--they are the A-Team...Blues Jam #41 for me was Thurs. 10-4-07. Thursday night is White Trash/Redneck night (No wonder I like it so much!). I finally met my pinball opponent there; his pinball initials are ORB, and we will have play dates. There was an extra young guitarist, plus all the usual suspects; MT, JP, Z-Bass, Jimmy on drums, 2 R's on guitar. Nice. We got drunk, and yelled. Set 4 only had 2 songs, but was good...Sat 10-6-07 was my first trip to World Cafe to see the Westside Blues All-Stars. BTW; ALL of these shows have Mike Tracey (MT)--he is the reason I am doing all this research right now. I cannot keep this pace up, but he does this shit every week....10-10 was another Wednesday at Diablo's Jam; met Ty C and 2006 harp champ Hank S., Westside Jam #42 was 10-11-07; inside and full-staged. I yelled and screamed like a neighborhood drunk; go me...10-13-07 became a pinball tribute to my FCP instead of Blues (826 on Pirates, 218 on Nascar), and we were back for 3 Jams in a row starting 10-16. Remember that now I am hobbled, and on one ankle this week. 10-16 was the Inaugural Jam at the Hop House--not too far away. Z-Bass runs it, and MT will do at least the first 2 weeks. I met "Golfshoes" Johnson; and finally got to see Sean "White Russian" Murphy play drums; wow. This was an okay night; there was a fight, some people thrown out, a hot bartender, women broke into dance and flashed their boobies--we had a pretty good time; no pinball there though...10-17 was Diablo's Hump Jam again; the A-team. I got to talk to Vicki Stevens (singer, and Mike Tracey fan) for a few minutes; she and I get along so well. MT did "Nobody's Business", and then after all the musicians left, while Steve and I were playing pinball, the bar music played the original "Nobody's Business", and we all agreed that the MT version was better...So when MT played "Nobody's Business" at Westside Blues Jam #43 on 10-18-07, Steve and I were hearing that song for the 3rd time in 24 hours; nice. No JP keyboards tonight--he's in Vegas. Indoor and ending early, but tonight's "I Don't Care" was the new best one ever...Sat. I went back to Diablo's for pinball, and I then had the top 4 scores on Pirates. Almond and Steve A. show up because the Almond Davis Group is playing their 3rd show ever tonight, and now I am their special guest! So I wound up at the bar for 8 hours, again, oops, and had a blast! Almond and Steve share the same brain; between the 2 of them they are a complete band. Move up to Hop House Jam #2 on Tuesday 10-23-07. More Sean, Kenny R, and Golfshoes. I met T-Bone Stone, and got 2 of his CD's; he is a triple threat of singer/harp/guitar. Also met rock and roll violinist Jessie; very nice. Z-Bass pulled out Soft Cell's Tainted Love just to screw with me; it worked. But the highlight was standing next to MT and my buddy Steve while they did a double harmonica jam in Steve's car--Steve is learning. That was oustanding, and MT promises to do more instruction with Steve. Nice. Next night is Wed.s 10-24 Jam at Diablo's again. This was the most incredible night ever; with highs and lows early, Vicki sang a few songs and lit up the house, fine women were all over me, I got to properly thank Almond for that amazing Sat. night madness, and MT had another harp training session with Steve outside. MT also played a new original called 'Shake That Thing'. Wow. Couldn't find Ginger, but I met Marianne--who wanted me, but I was too busy. Then after the music stopped, I played 1 more game of pinball. MT got to come over and see me play in top form--I kept 4 balls in play the entire time he watched; he was quite impressed. With over 700 mil, I now have my Unanimosity--and you will need 640 mil just to put initials up; hey--good luck with that. I don't know how I made it to work the next day (fun in the breakroom); but that's Thursday. And that means Blues Jam #44 for me at Overtime, 10-25-07. MT, JP was back; and all the regulars. Horn Boy Jeff showed back up after 2 weeks off; cool. But the highlight tonight was my boy Steve getting up onstage and blowing harp for the first time in public; 2wice! He's already decent, and he is going to get so much better. The heater was outside for the first time since March. This pace is killing me; but I love it. I may have to puke again; stay tuned. Ooo, I got sick instead. I mean "sicker".
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Since God and I are a little grumpy with each other right now, I would ask God for the ability to kill billions of other wasteful human beings quickly and quietly, so that the 2% of the current population remaining might have a real chance at a "do-over" on this crumbling crust. Hey; I can dream...God isn't too happy with the way I constantly try to oversimplify things. But I am not here to be God's buddy; apparently I am here to be the occaisional voice of reason and common sense that is certainly lacking here in "Ha Ha Humanity Land". Oh, by the way; the Emperor has no clothes, and the lunatics are running the asylum...
What's different here than in college town: Frank Black lives here; now you know...Have we mentioned the Euphoria Chocolate Company from Eugene, OR? They have the dark chocolate bars with raspberry filling, and the map of Eugene on the front label. Yum...Most of GA is in a drought--we are not...In Portland there is an arcade called Ground Kontrol that has all the video games from the 80's, and lots of pinball, too. I feel the magnets pulling me there...It won't last, but in the last week of October U of O and UGA are both in the college football top 10.
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: We have that school teacher lady (Shirley Katz) who is terrified of her unstable ex-husband; and WITH her legal gun permit, she wants to take her gun to work, and GOOD for her, but the school is all pissy about it (Hello? She has a fucking permit--she's doing everything that the rulebook says she has to. I fucking hate people.)...Ain't no glaciers in Arizona, bitch. There are 35 glaciers in Oregon. The Collier Glacier is melting scarily fast right now; like, 20 feet per year, or something. Yawn. Wake me up when Greenland's gone, and world sea level RISES 20 feet--then it's gonna get fun...
Life with Static Girl: My girlfriend has relocated her binoculars to the sun room so that I can take a closer look when I think I'm seeing conspiracies in the sky...I cleaned out our freezer, and then girlfriend brings home 5 more big bags of bread...Static Girl is going deaf in her right ear, which reciprocates my going deaf in the left. Huh?..We went to an art show at a record store that is 1 block away from the Jackalope Lounge, and I got to show her a section of town she had not yet seen...Static Girl survives, just barely, by avoiding people in every capacity beyond her work. She doesn't even like me all the time--and I would know...I called her "exquisimistic" when I was describing her; beat that!..My girlfriend does NOT have child-bearing hips; on the spot now, I said that she might have M + M bearing hips. And not those big fat peanut ones; those little tiny regular ones. But my girlfriend won't let me do any play time with M + M's and the magic lamp. Oh well...She "harrassalates" me a little, sometimes, as a way to help remind me of things I may have forgotten. She'll say 'Go put some clothes on.' when I'm walking around in my underwear and it's like, 40 degrees. I appreciate that; sometimes I need a little harrassalation...The same week my ankle warped, my girflriend's right eye messed up, and our Tegan got a tummy ache; this is also the week before my FCP's surgery; we're all falling apart...Static Girl and I agree that inside our apartment is okay; but outside our front door it is "Idiotland"...Static Girl says I should use a Credit Union--so I'm going to dump corporate banking for a local C U...Girlfriend agrees that she and I both deserve a couple of weeks off...10 years with this incredible woman, and I STILL have a crush on her; I tell her everyday...We will be adopting another turkey this year. I like the turkey "Moth". He has a blue head, and a red neck. In fact; Moth and I may already be related...
My FCP has this for me: Sent a card to her, played pinball for her, I take showers and listen to our old song 3 times in a row; then I also found a great Halloween card for her...I may have to make her man a little jealous--to get him to want to mark his territory more often...FCP put up a picture of 3 barefoot kids on her Christian website; there's no money for shoes there. But, I guess there's plenty of money to have children; WHY are poor people still breeding?..My sweetie goes in for surgery on the 29th; please send her good vibes so that this will be no big deal...I sent her a package to read, write and listen to.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Congress approved a $190 billion increase in war spending; I will not comment on this. Yet...On Saturday, September 29, 2007 Congress approved an $850 billion increase to the national debt. Did you hear anything about that? It was voted on over a weekend--so you wouldn't see it...Yahoo says that most people spend more time online than with their significant other. I'd ask Static Girl about this, but she's been online and ignoring me for the last 6 hours. You could ask my FCP about this, too, but her man stays up all night online ignoring her. Never mind...In Philadelphia, the 14 yr. old with all the guns, Dillon Cossey, he's the kid planning another school massacre. His mom bought many of those guns FOR her son--to create this upcoming massacre. I'll bet you $100, right now, that his 'gun mom' Michele Dillon, will NOT have to get her tubes tied; she will be free to breed again! Bet me! Bet me now, you $4 a cup coffee drinker!..Bush doesn't want Turkey to invade Iraq; probably because it's going so well for us right now. Later, Bush won't want Turkey to invade Iran either...
A thought to take with you: "A man who dares to waste one minute of life has not discovered the value of life."--Charles Darwin
"It's not my day to run the company."--Keith Olbermann (I use that shit 2 or 3 times a day at my job, sometimes more--they fucking hate me.)
"If you look at the walls of the Pyramids, you will see my theories!!!"--David Hamel
Band names: Mobile Mermaid, Tangible Admiration, Big Bags of Bread, Absorbed Garlic, Barley Soup Salvage, 5 Bowls of Ice Cream, Drunk Stepdad, Neighborhood Drunk, Healing Miso, "Puking in the Breakroom" would actually be a better album or song title--but you get the idea, High Rate of Decay (dentist), Twenty Dollar Toothpaste (dentists are funny), "Genetic Explosion" (art title), Wino's Spittle (Dilbert), Angry Crab (PTI), Magnified Mistakes (analysis of president Boosh), Positive Feedback Loop (Planet in Peril)
(...last month we were...)
Reading: So I learned about this guy David Hamel, from one of my 3 main conspiracy sites (Out There TV, Conspiracy Journal, or the Nikola Tesla site). Big Dave apparently rode with Aliens on a spaceship back in 1979 and they taught him about spherical magnetic perpetual motion. Good for him--I guess he beat me by 8 years. I didn't ride no fuckin' spaceship; I just "figured out" spherical magnetic perma-motion while I was "Datin' Satan" back in 1987 (and wrote about it in my 1999 commentary "Energy"). Continuing; how does a semi-intellectual human being take ONE look at 'flowing liquid' and NOT see the perpetuality of it? I fucking hate people because people are stupid. (Dude; calm down, this is just the "Reading" section.) Okay; so go read a book about American Idol, fuckers! Next!..Reading Yahoo news; Dave and Gil have already signed on to do the 2nd X-Files movie; it will be done in 8 months, in theaters by Summer '08. Yay; see I can be superficiatrivial, too. Fuck you. I read the newspaper; days late usually, but I read the fucker. My head hurts.
Watching: Fuck watching. I want to see panic in the streets; want to watch bombs bursting in air; eyes melting from sockets, and naked screaming people jumping from burning buildings, (dude, you might need to go play some pinball). Yeah, thanks for reminding me: I'd also like to watch the 'voices in my head' drown in acid, and then get run over by lawn mowers, or be splatter-practice for Leatherface...Oh, allright: I'm watching football (go Pats), Countdown, PTI, Scrubs, Weeds, Family Guy and The Soup (someday I will guest-host The Soup)...Robot Chicken is a spilled beer that pools to make art on the floor--pretty puddles that you've seen in your head before, but you dismissed them because they were crazy...Real Time with Bill Maher will be lost when we drop HBO next month, and Inside the NFL; damn. On Weeds, I saw Kevin Nealon say "Kiss my big Black ass!"; I have incorporated that line into my internal verbal arsenal...Some members of the 1985 brat pack, all my age, are starting to get wrinkly. I hope I look more like Charlie Sheen than Ally Sheedy. And I need a Molly Ringwald update, too; she e-mailed me once, years ago. No, I can't prove it. Never mind. It's like there's a kid banging on a drum set in my head...
Dr Perry Cox on Scrubs has already thrown 3 fits worthy of recital this season. Too bad my drunk ass is so eager with the delete button, or I'd give more detail...Is a slim cartoon Keith going to be on the Simpsons 3 days after Thanksgiving? Check for re-runs now. Ooo; will his tie be green, or purple? I can't wait; love that Keith--do you see him mentally abusing Collinsworth on Football Night? Poor Chris...saw Doug Stanhope do a comedy special; he drinks, smokes, cusses, and insults people. For me, it was like looking in the mirror...Saw the "To Catch a Predator" from Georgia again--you know, looking for old neighbors, or people I went to high school with...Not watching, just asking; I saw a DVD on sale for a season of "One Tree Hill". You've heard of this show, too? Right; so the DVD cover has 5 skinny-assed people, I'm talking unhealthily scrawny--they make my 5-8, 120 lb. girlfriend look like a cow. And these 5 Boney Brats--let me guess; they trade stick-figure sex partners around, ooo drama, and there's probably a hill, with a tree, somewhere in their neighborhood. Am I close? Boy that sounds like a fun show; you people really will watch anything, won't you? Maybe they'll bring back American Gladiators for you. Oh fuck no; wait, that was supposed to be a joke!
Class Projects: Girlfriend and I watched the 3rd Matrix movie together; Reverberations? Retaliations? She owns like, all 9 Matrix movies; I've seen 4 of them...I DVR'd "Happy Feet", which had many Robin Williams' voices (at least 4, thank you), and we loved that movie in this house (humans are bad); "C'mere; let me tell something to you." has become a daily comment from me...Girlfriend is NOT a fan of Family Guy, okay? It took WEEKS of favors to get her to finally watch it; but she LOVED IT when she finally did see the Star Wars double episode with me (yes, dude, it's called "Blue Harvest")...I need for the TOON network to re-run the Robot Chicken Star Wars again, too.
More from 'Movies I watched alone'; I DVR'd Natural Born Killers (nice), and bought Rob Z's House of 1000 Corpses...From 1995, I saw Tarantino's "Four Rooms", which was okay; "Barely Legal"--again with great potential that falls short; "3-Way" with Gina Gershon was like a bad 70's double-crosser art flick puke-fest...Just learned about "No Country for Old Men", but it's in theaters currently; boy now that looks promisingly violent...
Watching and Hearing: Saw Juliette and The Licks on Craig Ferguson; they play here on 11-27; told Static Girl I would take her (2 different times), but she said 'no'; that's a Hop House Jam night, anyway; priorities...I asked her if she wanted to go see Rob Zombie and Ozzy at PDX; let's just say that her facial expression was UN-approving...I discovered The Henry Rollins Show on IFC this month; I guess nobody loved me enough to tell me about it before now--you fuckers. Ow, my head...Dude; this is supposed to be tv commercials. Have you heard that Cadillac commercial with Spacehog? See; it doesn't work for them, because THEY need more than just good 90's music to promote stinky fat girl cars...Deep Purple in a Rockband.com commercial, BTO and Brett Favre in a Wrangler jeans commercial (nice)...Did you see/hear the Thanksgiving Goo at halftime?..
Hearing: "The Best Blues Album in the World...Ever!" (2000, Virgin Records), old Afghan Whigs--wtf, "Gentleman", the "Before X" compilation, my new Silas CD, (4 from a CD dig) Self's "Subliminal Plastic Motives", Geggy Tah's "Sacred Cow", "Clumsy" Samiam and '100% Freak' Alligator Gun (it's like I KNOW all the best obscure shit from the 90's), all 3 from my CDWorld run (Trinket, Trick, and NIN remixes), more Orbit and Jane Jensen are still coming--don't rush me...Ricky played a bluesy "Slow Down" at Blues Jam Thursday 11-29, so on 11-30 I had to play my 1983 Zebra debut. Twice. Screaming like Randy Jackson pisses my girlfriend off, and probably does not help my headache. Ouch. I stole the Zebra from TPG when I helped him move once, and he has a few more boxes of my old 90's radio CD's; I'll get them eventually.
New on the radio; That's new Monster Magnet, mutherfucker; I KNOW what Monster Magnet sounds like; the Wyndorf's ride again--details to follow!..The new Linkin Park song, "Shadow of the Day" is simple, but very good--it's my tribute to Tegan...I've always respected Kid Rock; he is one of the best, maybe THE best (since Elvis), at connecting ALL forms of music (yes, dude, it's called "bridging"). Plus; doesn't he also play 3 instruments? His new song "So Hot" is my current proof of his genius...How many great songs are on that new Incubus?..Godsmack has redone at least 2 Zep songs now; good times...Bridge? 'I'm just looking for the bridge'; Alison Kraus and Robert Plant croon nicely through their 23 yr. age difference. Perhaps a bit old to raise Hell; their CD is called "Raising Sand"...Local band; "Long, Tall and Ugly"--I will certainly learn more about them...On the new Juliette and the Licks CD, "Four on the Floor", do you know who's playing drums? That would be Dave Grohl; and you will be listening to it. Okay; fuck you. Me Me Me Me; I will be listening to it.
Musical Purchases this month: 2 trips to CDWorld in one night! I had already picked up the 1998 full length Trinket, and the 1997 Cheap Trick full length (I have demos for both--but not full lengths), also got the Cure's "Wish" for my girl; then I was heading home, and saw on their CDWorld sign that new NIN was out. SCREEEEECH! So; that's a big, scary U-Turn on west 11th, and back to play sticky finger fondle with the new Year Zero Remixes double disc. This shit is so dark that it scares my girlfriend--can't play it on my big stereo. Nice...
Out and About: Gin Blossoms and Linda Rondstat (you spell it) at Fred Meyer, Chicago at Dollar Tree, MY Filter tune "Hey Man Nice Shot" at my mechanic's garage--first song of the day, Bee Gee's at Big 5 (yes, I was singing 'More than a woman'; kiss my big black ass)
Singing: "Speaker Monkey"--Z Bass, "Good Good Music"--Z Bass, I sing MT's "I Don't Care" in the shower--daily, and whistle it at work--I also play the 7-27-07 You Tube 2-minute Portland intro of "I Don't Care" at work--by the way, that is the first known recording of Mike Tracey's original song; "Frankenstein"--Edgar Winter (Again; dude, how do you "sing" instrumentals?), "Centerfold"--J. Geils Band, "Self Destruction Part 2"--NIN, "Only Women Bleed"--Alice Cooper (season finale of Californication), "In the Dark"--Billy Squier, "Money"--Pink Floyd (the new radio version cuts out the "...do goody-good bullshit" line, fuckers), "Hold on Tight", "Fire on High" (how?), and "Do Ya"--ELO, "Keep Yourself Alive"--Queen, "Why Me"--Planet P, "Work For Food"--Dramarama, "The Globe"--New Order, "Straight to Hell"--Drivin 'N Cryin, "Wang Dang, Sweet Poontang"--Ted Nugent, "Freak on a Leash"--Korn, "So Far Away"--Dire Straits, "Eyesore"--Fig Dish
What I want today: I want the payoff--the big one...Would also like to point out that the University of Georgia is well-represented on these 2007 New England Patriots; not just their defensive team captain Richard Seymour, but also the blocking tight end with the soft hands; Benjamin Watson. Thank you; go Dawgs, sic 'em--woof woof woof woof!..
New stuff this month or so: The whiff! I completely missed the time-change again; Static Girl had to remind me after I got up an hour early...It needs to be said about this Pats/Colts game: the (1) defending superbowl champs, are (2) undefeated at 7-0, (3) playing at home, (4) against a team they have beaten three times in a row; BUT these superbowl champs are 5.5 point underdogs. This has NEVER happened in the history of team sports. Go Patriots!..Pats win by 4; bets on the Colts were still winners; nice...The upstairs toilet was imitating me; moaning, gurgling, and leaking a little. Yeah; well, at least we got the toilet fixed...Meth problems; meth ads, meth heads, meth labs, etc. I learned about meth back in the 80's; Crank, Poor Man's Coke, Hair Stand/Hand Stand. Credit where its due: isn't meth responsible for speed metal? Maybe you should try to pay attention. When DUMB people do drugs--DUMB things happen. Yes; it's the same when DUMB people breed, too. Meth does NOT even offer an initial euphoria, and therefore I (never did, and still) do NOT understand the attraction...My mechanic has the nastiest coffee pot ever; greasy, grimey, slimey, with little bugs everywhere--my mouth waters just thinking about it...After making a purchase, watch ALL of your change get counted back into your hands. You have been warned...This is newspaper news, but fuck you anyway. Some 11 yr. old New Jersey boy, Max Wallack, invented a wrist brace to help carpal tunnel sufferers. Good job, Max; it's too bad that he's 100 lbs. overweight. Yeah; little Maxi Pad Boy needs to get the fuck AWAY from said computer, and go get chased around the playground by some bullies and lose some of that "virtual" fat ass of his. Jeezus; how 'dumbed down' can we get here?..Trends continue; with the poisons abounding (we're all leaded now), the warming globe, and the impending MRSA bug super-epidemic; an intelligent society would STOP, or AT LEAST slow down the shitting out of new children by women. You know; let's get the unwanted kids ALREADY HERE fed, clothed and housed. Dare I say it; a little 'family planning' would be so responsible. But no; massive shit-breeding continues. How fucking brain-warped are you idiots who want children; are you just not paying attention?..What is "rolfing"? Is that going to help my back?..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Garlic powder, strawberry newtons, and more jalapeno cheese slices at Dollar Tree; never got to Big Lots.
Occupational Hazards: I'm in trouble--that may be a permanent thing. Know how I never get sent home? I got sent home to watch the Pats/Colts game by my cool-assed Supervisor...2 lunches with Barbie in 1 week; she could be my at-work love doll. I call my body "X-Files"; Barbie calls my body "bionic". She obviously wants me. Woo. Hey; and Barbie got to wave (and trade jealous glares) with my girlfriend one night when Gus was getting some TLC...There was a big presentation where 50 of us crammed into a small room. Stinky fucking fat women; they all smelled like blood and body odor; FDS Rejects (This sent me on a rip to appreciate my naturally yum-fragrant Static Girl; more later)...We have an audio tool that helps us with our verbal presentations. In my latest lesson, there's a great example of a sarcastic voice (that's me), and a picture of a dark-haired girl rolling her eyes (that's Static Girl). I am a master of communications...I didn't get transferred at work, I got cock-blocked from dropping down to the department of lowered IQ's. But they were brilliant in their approach--making this meeting on a mid-month Thursday, when I was absolutely hung-the-fuck-over, and in no condition to argue or be sarcastic. Honestly; I couldn't even focus. Maybe I will benefit from not getting the easy way out of this current clusterfuck I'm in. Hey, who thought I could possibly last a year in a corporate cesspool that rewards criminals? Not me...I need to do a new work survey about the daily roller coaster, and how managers rave about following procedure; ha...(from Thursday 11-29-07; shirt untucked and not buttoned, drooling and giggling) "Me? No, I'm not hungover; I feel great. I always cry when I'm happy. Sometimes I puke, too." Will somebody please shoot me, so my head will stop hurting? Oh yeah; on said crying and puking hangover day, I mooned highway traffic on I-5. Wanna know what I learned? Those windows are VERY cold on your butt cheeks. Lucky for me I entertain the shit out of our security guards (they love me), or there might be a problem. Hey; maybe they'll put my "mooning" video up on You Tube...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Tegan the incredible guinea pig finally passed this month. She will be missed...Remember my Morgellons ankle from last month? This month I have a Morgellons right elbow; the pain follows and frolics. Ooo, and more Morgellons Heartburn Ankle, too. Does Morgellons need a spokesperson? I need a Dr. House walking stick...Drove home from Diablos one night in "30 Yard Fog" (limited visibility); I was actually pretty sober, and I've only seen fog like that 1 other time...Filled my new American Spirit lighter with butane; going to stop MY use of disposable lighters; I like the green spray-flame...I need to clean pipes, buy new glass, put in a fresh order, and uh, never mind...I'm channeling that movie "Wag the Dog" in my daily life of dealing with adversity; saying 'this is nothing...' about my discomforts; back, neck, ankle, elbow--Bring The Pain, Bitch! As in; 'This is nothing; this is just the first of 3 hangovers in a row for me.'...I don't show much interest in the future? Wow--you're right. And; when did you finally figure this out about me, Dr. Deductive? Hey fuck you; I'm not even worried about the rest of this DAY, baby--I am merely trying to make it to the next hour here. I won't even worry about "tonight" for another 4, 5, maybe 6 hours from now. The "future", mutherfucker, is my next interlude of relief from pain or stress; thank you. Which reminds me; I need to head back to the pharmacy, too...Saving the earth, and water; I am now shutting off the water while I clean the curtain during my weekly scrubbing shower...Gus the Wondervan did NOT need a new thermostat, as I had so hoped. He needed a whole new radiator (the original leak, from the head-on collision in 1999 finally became a mortal wound); but $300 later my buddy is ready for Winter, and my mechanic still rocks!..Triple becomes "triplify", then "triplified", then "triplifried"; this is my brain on sober. See; I actually NEED drugs. Speaking of:...After cabbing home from Blues Jam 48, I woke up at 5:30 am AGAIN on the living room floor, THIS time covered in my girlfriend's chocolate chips. They were all over the floor, and all over my clothes. Later, noon-ish, I actually found the remains of a chocolate chip in my eyebrow. Dude; did you miss your mouth? This might be amusing for a college kid, but I'm 40-something. Today is 11-30-07; how the fuck did I survive this month? You just WISH you could love life like I do. My head really hurts...Oh by the way; on every pinball machine I touched this November, I either put up the high score, broke the machine, or both! I even walked in, first time playing Wetlands Monster Bash pinball, and got (#3 score) 300 mil on the thing while broken (right side drain)...(With my new food attitude) I completely understand, now, why my girlfriend has NO desire to go out to eat more than once a quarter; most outer food is poison! We will Ring of Fire again, and Mongolian Grill again (neither of them is poison), but in general it's much better to make your own food at home. Homegrown. Homebaked. Speaking of:
New foods this month: My brilliant plan is to create the home-based vegan pizza, which will also cross over into home-made vegan french bread pizzas (ehhh). I will be screaming wtf about the current cheese substitutes soon. My first vegan pizza (11-9-07) was so good that I went back to the store to get more shit to make another one on 11-10-07. Ha! No heartburn in MY pizza, bitch! Ha!..At the cool M o C grocery, I also found Hemp Milk. I'm going to drink it, cook it, gargle it, pour it in the bong, and anything else I can think to do with it...Vegan Jerky Exploits! Primal Spirit Foods makes these "Primal Strips"; the Hot and Spicy, made from shiitake mushrooms, was impressive. I want a pallet full of them (dude, that's like 12,000). More; the Texas B-B-Q flavor was sweet (Static Girl can eat them), and the Hickory Smoked flavor was NB (in between). Does Primal Strips need a spokesperson?..I'm drinking Sno-Plow; Widmer Brothers' Winter brew. Gonna get some Rogue Dead Guy Ale, too...The new fake sausage links are okay; almost as good as the fake sausage patties. I eat them with baked potatos. Oh; yeah, I baked some potatos, too. Gonna bake carrots, too. It's Winter--I'll bake any damn thing I want. Bake my hairy White ass, bitch!...And we will be crossing over to celery sticks for lunch, from carrots; celery sticks are better 'because they're green' (Static Girl)...She'll make that cool Miso stuff; but she only makes one serving of it. I call it Selfish Miso...For Thanksgiving, I made my 3rd Killer Vegan Pizza; allow me some elaboration: I had pizza sauce all over my hands, face, shirt and sweatpants. I ate 3 servings; Static Girl had 2, and then there would be ZERO leftovers. That's pretty much a perfect meal, and a happy cook right there; food remnants everywhere, and NO leftovers. The day after, Friday, I'm going back to basics with a kidney bean/green pea/garlic rice pot...The biggest bottle of my obnoxiously good Huy Fong hot sauce is the industrial refill, at 28 oz. Apparently other people call it 'the rooster brand'; people are fascinating. I put it on a bowl of fake meat for dinner one night; 2 kinds of sausage, bacon and crumbles; I shit funky for 2 days. Shat?..Iron skillet/metal spatula--there ain't no mo 'non-stick' on my dick, bitch. Suck teflon off of some other guy--I am the real deal here; thank you...
This month of Blues Jamming: When I was sicker, in the last week of October, I missed Hop House Jam #3 on 10-30; the lead guitarist that night was Jerry Z. I keep missing him play, dammit! Next night, I missed Diablo's Halloween Jam, too. Apparently it was also incredible. Great...Back in public 11-1-07, stupidly, for Westside Blues Jam #45 for me. Almost empty; no MT tonight. I was way out of practice, but still yelled like no other human being can. Woo...Skipped Tuesday Hop House again, sorry Z, and back for Diablos Wed.s 11-7-07; saw her, and got Vicki's # and e-mail (I am cool); MT saved "I Don't Care" for me, Hank, after drumming tonight, is now a 5-way threat; Jeez. 11-8-07 was Blues Jam #46 for me; Z, MT, 4 great guitars, JP, Horn Jeff showed, and Jessie the hard rock fiddler showed! Jessie is a poor musician--so he loved me! The next night is Friday; Silas is playing at My Blues Jam bar. Silas is Steve and Almond, at least, from Diablos Wednesday nights. I hoped to see MT, because the description of the music was "harmonica blues" in the Weekly. Weirdly, MT did show up, but only to listen (on a date with his new fine lady)--there is no harmonica in Silas. But Silas rocked--they even did a cover of "Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Bros; I bought their country rock CD. I hung out and "cheered" with the Emerald City Roller Girls (1 can scream and yell as loud as I can; yes, AS loud as I can--nice)...Saturday was the Kenny Reed show at Hop House; I went. Got there the same time Vicki Stevens did, and she sang many songs. Met Hank's Dad, Bill. Good show. Then I went back and closed my regular Blues Jam bar...Next week, skipped 11-13 Hop House Tuesday because of my Morgellons ankle. 11-14 Wed.s night Diablos Jam was excellent; met another great guitarist, Paul Hobbs; Vicki sang with MT on a few songs, Hank (I nicknamed him "5-Way Combo"; he likes it) and I sat and talked, HE is the Paul Delay fan--I will learn more, MT saved "I Don't Care" for me (again!), and at the end I was the only person there. Again. Wow; nobody knows how good this shit is but me. Then comes Thursday 11-15-07, Blues Jam #47 for me. Started late; the Ducks lost at Thursday night football. No MT, but Mark the Harp played well, and my boy Steve played his 2nd harmonica solo ever--he fucking rocked--everyone agreed. Z-Bass played my 2 songs, I scored 100 mil on broken Nascar pinball, because I am the man; JP watched, and said he'd never seen more passionate pinball...and the next week is short, so that's a Tuesday night Hop House Jam with Z-Bass, Mr. Murphy on drums; 2, count 'em, TWO T-Bones tonight; T-Bone Stone singing and harping, and then T-Bone Weldon also singing and guitaring. Nice. Then we would meet Roger; guitarist/singer of Mr. Murphy's band Two Leg Lucy (aka: Two Leg Russell). Okay. In a completely heterosexual way; I LOVE Roger. He is brilliant; centered, a pinballer and frisbee guy, he knows how to play in a chimney, and he can make a guitar squeal the way I like. I will learn MUCH more about Two Leg Lucy--I haven't even met their killer singer yet!..So I did their You Tube song the next day at work, all while getting ready to go crash Wed.s night at Diablo's. Yes. AND; Z-Bass and JP from my Thursdays were at this Wed.s night Jam. Speaker Monkey with Theo drumming was outrageous! MT's Nobody's Business was the best ever, plus Scratch, Shakey Ground, and so much more. I met sweet dancer Ahlove (and her man Aaron), and dragged 5 or 6 different total people outside with me...Thanksgiving had nothing, so we move to Friday 11-23; saw my first Valley Boys show at Quack Central; JP leads dance-worthy bar covers of my childhood radio songs, and they've been playing together for 25 years. Cool. Then I drove on down to Hop House to see Gayelee R. scream her blues queen prowess to an empty bar; she's the Two Leg singer. She may be a diva, but that girl can fucking sing. I actually like the dark, drunk, empty Blues Jams bars best; I'm weird like that, and I must hear Two Leg Russell do a show (12-1-07?)...And then comes the week that was--ow; if my head didn't hurt already, it would start hurting now: starts with Hop House 11-27; Roger (who knew?) is an old man like me; he's been playing guitar in a band named Famous Faces for 20 years. Wow. And the whole 5 guy band had an accidental reunion tonight, including the drunk drummer drive-through! Smog alert! The details might be slightly incriminating--I will learn more about these Famous Faces after my head stops throbbing. Z-Bass gave me the ONE recording of "Speaker Monkey" from Cozmic Pizza 8-22-06, and I burned 6 copies of it. Per Z-Bass, I am now the official back-up singer on "Tainted Love". This was Steve's birthday, starting at midnight, providing quite the usual hangover for my glorious Wednesday. Fun. Next night is Diablo's--Bassist Todd's going away party; MT and Hank both onstage together. I call it a double harp switch. Hank starts conversations with me outside; he likes my double identity of the loud drunk music fan who sings and yells during songs, and then out in the smoking area I'm (almost) an intelligent comedian with a cool voice. Steve's real birthday night; I met and hugged Goddess of the Underworld; Persephene? Fuck if I know; she works at a coffee shop, and that may explain some things. Where the hell was I? Wednesday; Todd's party, Steve's birthday, Underworld Goddess; this was a pretty good night. My favorite song right now, as if it needed to be noted, is Mike Tracey's "I Don't Care", and I heard it Wednesday with Hank playing drums (!) They played till 1 am, and it's just ME fucking sitting there, ALONE, in the bar--my fucking Blues Jam! Shakey Ground, Scratch My Back, Nobody's Business; and I am STILL the only person who knows how great this is. Drummer Theo is leaving next month, but it's a secret. Shhh. Woke up on the living room floor at 5 am Thursday, so, um--I guess I made it home, and then I actually went to work Thursday. It's a joke job, anyway; fuckers. Thursday night would be Overtime Blues Jam #48 for me; this is Steve's after-birthday party--I dropped a week's supply of gardening on him; he loves me. I dragged a total of 6 people out for walks--I even puked on one walk. Ha. My Nascar pinball is still broken, after my 610 mil slam-fest last week. Speaker Monkey, Good Good Music, and Z-Bass' new art piece is "Red Hot Kisses", which makes me smile and think of my FCP. MT had a Mystery Train, and let ME pick MY time for "I Don't Care". Nice--definitely my favorite song right now. Horn Boy Jeff showed, too. Surprise of this night was Ricky popping out the bluesy "Slow Down" that I know from my Zebra debut album, circa 1983.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is eventually going to answer some of my questions; He doesn't like it when I paint him into a corner...I can bitch-slap the Christians AND the evolutionists in the same sentence; but do I really want to alienate everybody all at once? Hmmm...
What's different here than in college town: Some Chamber of Commerce for a city here put a phone # on the front of one of their pamphlets, and it was (oops) a sex line phone #. Ha...(Restaurant here:) the Deli Llama; that's intellectual duct tape, baby...I drank a total of 2 Mexican Cokes in Athens; but my favorite grocery store, Market of Choice, sells them here, and I'm having my 3rd one this week right now...Tofurky was created by Oregonian Seth Tibbot; it hit store shelves in 1995...My Tillamook cheese is made right up here locally; yay me...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Oregon is trying to pass a cigarette tax to pay for kids insurance; can you believe this shit?..Up in Seattle, 'BioLyle' teaches people how to make bidiesel in their homes for about 50 cents per gallon...Portland TV is doing a new tv show on "This Natural House"; green homes and sustainability like all that cool shit Brad Pitt is doing down in New Orleans...We had our first frosty night; 11-23-07; woo...The same! A new Big 5 Sporting Goods is coming soon next to the closest Market of Choice...Enterprise is also coming
Life with Static Girl: Combined Imperfections; Duct Tape Reality. I am her best friend, best boyfriend, best roommate, best everything in the world for her; ask her...She made these yummy cookie bars; Cookie Bar Girlfriend, then put them in some tupperware with a sticky note that said "Eat Me". Yay. And I'm keeping this post-it note forever!..One night I did laundry, and I only had 3 dirty things left; my girlfriend still has about 20 cubic feet of dirty laundry...She and I made the original reference to our relationship as 'good duct tape' together...My girlfriend has taught me to be less confrontational; I would rather avoid the conflicts that naturally flow to me; and that pisses me off--especially when I've been wronged, but it HAS saved me some jail time (yay), and probably also saved me from a couple of ass-kickings...Okay, okay; my girlfriend is the smart one. Girlfriend rolls her eyes at me big time when I start talking about perpetual motion, and how easy it would be to do--so many different ways. This is one of our last arguments here--I relish it. She says that magnets wear out, and that 'DaVinci couldn't do perpetual motion', and I say 'Joe Newman already did perpetual motion, and then had to sue the patent office back in 1984'. And; um, when, exactly, do magnets wear out? This is pure, multi-tiered disagreement. And, so, I remind her that, on paper, baby, um, a helicopter CANNOT actually fly. See? She says 'there are LAWS'; then I say 'and there are loopholes'. On the RARE occaisions I can get her to talk--this is how we argue; while smiling, and holding hands. This "conversation" was during a lovely walk, and we also saw a beautiful Heron by the river...'Got a Cookie Bar Girlfriend'; she leaves notes thanking me for stuff, and I leave her notes with um, easy words purposely misspelled. Yes; "purposely"...My girlfriend smells pretty! And all she wears is yummy hand lotion, that's it! No body spray, no parfum de toilet, nothing else. My girlfriend rules! Other women smell, well, nasty. Sucks to be you; or more likely, sucks to be the guy pretending to like you...Rift wants to save all life, even the mosquitos and little sink bugs that drive me crazy; however, the line is drawn at "mold". She wants mold to die. See; and I thought mold was good. I have questions. Okay...Presents from 3 stores; along with a Cure CD from CDWorld, I also brought her new green socks, and some more organic ketchup, all on the same night. This just in; I am the best boyfriend ever...How much sign language do I have to learn before I am officially learning sign language? Cussing, and gutter coments? I doubt my girlfriend is going to teach me sign-cussing, or sign-smack talk; so apparently I am NOT learning sign language--never mind...She is my anchor; I am her loosely attached boat far away (or--even better--her 'Freak on a Leash')...Girlfriend found 2 comics to cut out this month and add to the fridge; one where Bucky Katt says 'I think, therefore I am annoyed.', and another Bizzarro single panel...Girlfriend is very good at running out of quarters; so then I get to pretend like I am her knight in shining armor--rescuing her with a fresh roll of quarters, and the little victory dance I do; woo...More cookie bars; these things are the dessert equivalent of my Killer Vegan Pizzas; and that's a brand new edible simile--you're welcome! Wait, no; I wasn't done--nice job with 'edible simile', though. I called her cookie bars "Mouth Sex" because they were SO good--and she was actually impressed by that. I wonder how you say Mouth Sex in sign language; see? Loops and layers, baby...I am not allowed to talk about sex, so let's talk foreplay! When I wash dishes, you know, make the sink clean--oh yeah, she likes that; that's a real warm-up right there. Maybe you GUYS should pay attention to that. One big hug, boom, and then we're under the covers--trying not to shiver; you have to respect that 'no wasted time on stupid foreplay' scenario. I am a very lucky man...More from the world of Cookie Bars--perhaps you have heard of her already legendary treats! Saturday, 11-24-07, we ate some from a new batch. I said they were warm, soft and yummy--like her ass! At which point she smiled, and then left the room. That's what she does. My girlfriend!..Occaisionally she is also Bucky Katt; "annoypid" is a pretty good word, which is funny, because (like Satchel) I also enjoy making up words--and that does drive her crazy sometimes...I did a post-it note simile of how our relationship is like my prettiest green + purple shirt; it works amazingly well--even though you might not think so at first. I read it to her, and she smiled. Yay...
My FCP has this for me: Improvised Intimacy; the one that got away; what is and what should never be; on her plateaus I play; I'll stop now...My girl is slowly recovering from her surgery; she gets to use the time to slow down and reflect on her place in reality. (This is what I SHOULD have done when my ankle went weak; instead I chose to drink, scream, and go to as many Blues Jams as possible.)...Whoa; and then my crippled FCP is out cleaning coyote skins, against my advice--but what a woman she is!..I have visions of her creatively burping; very nice. Never mind the Art Puddles and Snooze Button Loops--that's just crazy talk...Oh my God! I have recently been able to rechannel the wondrous mental playground she brings me to; many different days this month! The e-mails we trade are high quality--even by our own upper standards! She and I have this amazing ability to channel our own intellectual fitness during the typing of things to each other; and NO, I will NOT elaborate further--because you idiots would never understand anyway...Thoughts of my FCP run in my head on different loops; some are frequent, and some are not. What is that; a snooze button on a carousel running in one of many crossing orbits, all bumping pallets and trading cargo? That's a quadruple string simile--you're welcome!..And then she sent me a couple of new pictures of herself; looking as good as 14 years ago, or maybe better than ever! I stare at them; she stares back, too. I burn them into my mental hard drive, and reference them often. Sometimes it's not even dirty, but usually it is. And I don't think she minds at all. In fact, both of my exquisite female companions absolutely approve of my familiar lust being directed at its original target--consistency (or constancy) is preferable to a new toxic crush. Now I understand. Stew on that while I giggle and read about the new STD's and the poison babies they create...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: 5 million Jenos and Totinos frozen pizzas are being recalled for e-coli; cooool...We found a solar system, right next door to us (41 million light years away), and there's a planet in the "life zone" (water is possible); this planet (55 Cancri) is 45X the size of earth, with proportional moons. Easily the greatest scientific discovery ever made; yawn...6th Grade Math teacher Kelsey Peterson, 25, kidnapped a 13 yr. old male student who she was already "dating", and these 2 ran away from Lexington, Nebraska together. I couldn't make up shit this good...Better? WHAT; exactly, could be better than that? Oh yeah--you're right: "Aqua Dots". It's art for kids; colored beads that stick together and make little pictures. Of course some of the beads are going to be eaten by the kids--that's what we do. Get this; when the beads are eaten, in your tummy, the adhesive becomes GHB--the date rape drug! Some kids have already died, and other kids are in comas because of these Aqua Dots. Wow--this completely proves "criminal intent" on the part of the toymaker; right? I have got to get me some of these fucking Aqua Dots--before they get pulled from shelves! I could sell them to my little friends. "C'mere; let me tell something to you."...Peacefully protesting Veterans were arrested on Veterans Day; those fucking cops are lucky I was not physically present to stop that bullshit. In Veterans vs. Cops; I have no use for cops. My apologies to the badge boys...Jack Murtha is one of the first to completely defy Prez. Boosh, by asking 'You believe what the Pentagon says? All they've done is lie to us!' Go Jack!..20 companies are being sued for Chinese lead in their toys; nice. 1 in 10 Chinese kids already has lead poisoning. 13% of all adopted Chinese kids already have lead posoning. I sensed this trend years ago. WHO the F is adopting Chinese kids?..Aqua Dots still have ads in the paper; Black Friday ads at We B Toys have those recalled GHB Dance Dots on sale for $20. Yum yum yum; gonna get me some. It'll be like GIVING candy to a baby...Business Section Headline on 11-30-07: "Billions wasted by Medicare". Ha.
A thought to take with you: "I'm a pompous little antichrist who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim."--Brian imitates Stewie on Family Guy #36. Yes; it's 6 years old--so what? That is some funny shit.
Bumper Sticker on Z-Bass' truck: "Save The Trees; Cut The Bushes"
Band names: Baked Potatos, Electric Hot Sauce, Boney Brats, Edible Simile (Mouth Sex, and Killer Vegan Pizza, too), Fuel Supplement, FDS Rejects, Art Puddles, Snooze Button Loops, Selfish Miso, "Presidency of Loopholes" (Keith on Countdown), "How To Promote Your Show" band that played here this month, "Alien Armada" (Red Meat comic), Trust Fund Anarchists (Patton calls the Eugene college students that), Maria Bamford's Pterodactyl (I've been trying to work that in for 2 months)...It's getting really late into the game to be looking outside your own circle for band names. Record your music, upload it somewhere and share. Temporarily name your band "Players to be Named Later".
Watching: (from my October Sidebar 102:) "Yes; my Patriots look incredible again, and for the 4th time in 6 years I am predicting they will go undefeated." Did you see my Patriots lose that Ravens game twice, only to have the refs give it back to them? I LOVE the Patriots; THAT was their ONE bad game. Game 16; Pats/Giants will be/was on at least 3 channels...Did you see Keith prove that Pres. Boosh is a complete liar, joke, and insult to our once-great nation? "Bushed"; I love Keith--he's on the Simpsons, and mentioned in comic strips. He is no longer "alternative"...Robot Chicken just gets funnier--I will catch all of them eventually; have you seen the Foo Fighters on it yet?..Henry Rollins on IFC rocks! Janeane Garofalo's Disquisition is fantastic!..Saw some Robyn Hitchcock on Sundance, and Herbie Hancock on Showtime...Did my PTI show just get voted the most-watched show in cable history? I guess it's no longer "alternative" either. (Sigh) Soon I may have to go find "fresh" news and sports shows...Watched the Showtime Kathy Griffin special...In 2008, there will be new UFO Hunters on History Channel--I can't wait!..
Class Projects: From Sundance channel, I recorded Slaughterhouse 5, and Static Girl and I watched it while eating one of my Killer Vegan Pizzas...Alone I watched this movie "Young Girls Do"; I mean, who wouldn't? It was horrible...Kill Bill Vol. 2 was adequate, I guess...Camera Eye loaned me Tarantino's "Four Rooms" from, 1995? A good distraction flick..."2001 Maniacs" had potential, then fizzled...I'll eventually have to see (rent) Portland film guy Todd Haynes' Dylan movie "I'm Not There". Waiting to rent No Country For Old Men, too...End o' month; New Year's Eve my lady and I watched the great animated "Antz" while eating another KVP...
Watching and Hearing: (From the 4 hours of Running Down A Dream:) Tom Petty's "The Last DJ", is done with Jeff Lynne? Nice; and now those combined T P/ELO sounds of 'Face in the Crowd', 'Freefalling', and 'Won't Back Down' make perfect sense...So I bought the David Gilmour live at Royal Albert Hall ($20) when it came out 3 months ago (9-2007); it's now a rarity, and worth $100. Cool...Saw My Chemical Romance do SNL very well...Previews for this new Resident Evil "Extinction" movie have "I Know It's You" (Crystal Method and Milla herself) as background noise; sweet...I heard that Roger Waters is generating a Broadway show based on "Hey You"--that could be excellent. Does Geldoff have a son who could play 'Pink' 27 years later; like Jason Bonham played/will play for Led Zeppelin? See--I'm thinking ahead here...Free in a Monster commercial; Air Supply in a burger spot, old Genesis in a GMC commercial...
Hearing: Z-Bass' Cozmic Pizza recording, and Z-Bass also turned me on to Buck Nakid and the Bare-Bottomed Boys (quality rock-a-billy), these NIN Year Zero remixes keep getting played over and over, then we cross-train with GLU's "Empty"; wait a sec--Rod Argent was also in the Zombies? She's Not There. I knew that; Hold your head up...New Christmas music I MUST get: "Slow Jams For Christmas" (oh, fuck yes)...Hey; look what I came up with: Dave Grohl is the new Phil Collins (meant as a compliment), and I like the reincarnation MUCH better!..
What I want today: This 3-week headache is starting to piss me off. But if it goes away I will probably miss it; so I don't know exactly what I want to do with this headache. Fuck...Um, I guess I'd like some fake pee to pass the upcoming piss test for new employment...
New stuff this month or so: 12-2, Sunday, driving hungover in the rain with 50 mph crosswinds, and free-standing 4-inch pools of water (with 5-second hydroplanes) on the highway was exciting--it made driving fun again! I got out and kissed the parking lot at work; ha...Reno says if you can't find a CD, go to Atlanticsounds.com and they have everything...There is a "Red Bud Road" in Barefoot Bay, Florida. 2 words: "Road Trip"...Did I see a self-tuning guitar on tv? What fun is that?..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): I ain't seen shit; did we even do any bargain hunting in December, or was it all Market of Choice and Big 5? What was at Big Lots; some video game thing? My head still hurts.
Occupational Hazards: 12-2, Took my NIN "Beside You" DVD to go workout to, and that's when I learned you need a manager's code to activate the televisual peripherals. Great. But the CD player still runs regular, okay. So...12-4, I took my GLU "Empty" CD to workout to, but the massage lady was there--and there would be no extra-cirricular entertainment. The Gym Lord whispered to me that 'Sunday is your only day to play DJ, dude.' (to be tested later)...Camera Eye says this thing; "My give-a-damn's busted", ha...Starting 12-3, there's all this new drama; sex rumors, harrassments filed, notices given, etc. In a lighter moment, my co-workers were discussing sex rumors, and asked me 'What if you wound up in a sex rumor with 3XD?' I said "Hmmm. Yeah, I hit that. It was pretty good; I'm gonna hit it again, too!" They all laughed, especially 3XD, and said 'WC, that's why you'll never be in a sex rumor--rather than be upset, you'd celebrate it'...12-6, what a day; it starts with my recollection; '7 beers, 3 hours of sleep, crying in the shower, puking while I brush my teeth; this is a business as usual, Thursday morning hangover for me'. Then we were forced to stay an hour late on Thursday; and after my "experience" on Thurs. 12-6, I won't be going to work coherent ever again, mutherfucker. It's too bad that my Supervisor chose his battle. So now; should I trash the fucking hotel room, or just leave it? Stay tuned--this is only going to get more entertaining...My former at-work girlfriend is trying to make me jealous by flirting with Double Door--a married guy; it makes me giggle...Dr. um, S, who sits near me, gave me a mood-enhancer when I was all pissy one day; I love her...We were told on 12-13 that our department is being dissolved; great...At work I ate a Philly Cheesesteak with no meat; I am cool...My co-workers say I need new clothes; my old baggie clothes make me look like a homeless guy. I'm pretty sure that originated as a compliment, but you can see how it Uncle Fester-ed there...The kids say 'my mouse is broken'. Hmmm; I have so many comments to make--we'll go with 'come and lick-fix my mouse, baby'...12-30, Sunday, back from Christmas, and going to workout to Crumb's "Romance is a Slowdance". I played it so loud that 2 Supervisors came up to tell me to turn it off. Yeah; well, I turned it down a little. That's my first filed noise complaint! Fuck them, and fuck you. Didn't I get fired yet? What is wrong with those idiots?..So; Sunday 12-30-07 was our last day in the old department. I walked out with Barbie, got her e-mail, and grabbed her ass again. The Disbanded Devil's Rejects are to be dispersed among the Call Center Sheep on 1-2-08; pray for those poor sheep. I am gonna have to fuck me some lambchops, baby.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: So, after driving to work, and home, through hydroplane pools and the crosswinds on 12-2, terrified + trembling; I figured we should go downtown and drink. Sure; it even makes sense now. It will be justified with a new pinball high score; enter my new 358 million (old high score was only 193) on the difficult (but now completed) Jackalope Pirates; thank you. It was Steely Dan and Rush night on the jukebox--that helped. Also sliced my right thumb open on uh, something...The beeping continues--it never stops; same with the squeaking, humming, buzzing, and the ocean roaring. I am always hearing things--no silence for me to enjoy. If I have just a few seconds of quiet, Maria Bamford's Pterodactyl screams at me. Sometimes it sounds like the Kraken from Pirates' pinball. And THEN I still have my internal Ollie Sacks' jukebox going--thank you...Later this week, on Weds. at Diablo's, my first ball of their easy Pirates pinball had 251 million and 2 extra balls waiting; I walked away because my right wrist was already aching--I don't have to prove anything else on that piece of shit. Oh; and my old dealer bitch was there; she still owes me at least $100, and I was nice to her--that fucking cunt. I'll choke the bitch, eventually; carve her fingers into bong hits, chew on her skull, and fuck her dead, twitching corpse. Then I'll cook, and eat whatever is left; yes--definitely, but I'm NOT getting kicked out of a Blues Jam for her...I made a drinking glass out of a salsa jar. It was pretty good; I'm gonna do it again, too. Celebrate this!..From the 2005 car wreck, I had some mobility problems with my right shoulder. They went away; yay, but now they are back--stronger than ever. I love my X-Files body. "Bionic"; sorry Barbie...Had to create a new (6th) hole on my black belt for all my loose clothing, me so homeless, and we moved to the 3RD belt loop of the brown belt--the same brown belt that did NOT fit back in 2003...I've got to keep visualizing muscles loosening and relaxing. Panic stress and futile thoughts accomplish nothing...First missed flight in Denver; first comp'd hotel room, and excellent airline employees in 2 cities...Back from Christmas eating and limited exercise; I weigh 200.1. So I gained 5 lbs. in 8 days? Five Eight? I can handle that...
New foods this month: Maybe an ex-dealer bitch? No; just kidding. Maybe. There's a new flavor of regular Kettle Chips; Island Jerk (yum), don't rush me; I'm already on my 3rd bag of their Chili Lime tortilla chips. They go quite well with Newman's salsa..So I got some of the nice organic broccoli at M o C, steamed it up brilliantly; Static Girl called it the BEST ever, then we made a rice pot from the leftover broccoli water. I am a fucking genius...Girlfriend made another batch of cookie bars--more like cookie cakes this time; very nice--I do like the bars better though...The Rogue Dead Guy Ale has a funky Winter Santa's Private Reserve Brew; it is a dark and stormy night. Oregon Brewed Dead Dude, baby. I'll be cheap-drinking back into the Henry Weinhard stuff again next...Had my first onion rings in Oregon; yum...I like burritos; I ate 10 burritos in 30 hours; never mind...Blue Sky soda; it's premium hippie soda fortified with vitamins and shit. Yum...We have graduated from the beginner's level of pizza-making. ONE of the secrets is shredded celery--a beginner would not know that...Food in this house is going way natural now; lemons, apples, avocados, etc., all thanks to my new book...Food? Toothpaste? Fuck you. So I changed over to Tom's of Maine Wintermint, and I top it off with a dusting of baking soda; these are the only teeth I've got, and they have served me well. They deserve some pampering...Soap is food? Not really, but girlfriend is using these new huge "Kiss My Face" Hippie Green Soap Bricks; so big that I have to cut them in half for her. More new soap products next month...
This month of Blues Jamming: Party like there is no tomorrow--the Overnight Guy told you that; yes, apparently I puked twice during the 11-30-07 Blues Jam. I remember once...12-1-07 Sat., we went to the Hop House to see Gayelee, Roger, Shawn and Trey--of 3 or 4 different band names; (Gayelee wrote "Thanks Eugene") I shared party supplies, threw frisbees at them, talked them up like a promoter, and took pages of notes. Then it's a Blues break till 12-4 Tuesday, back at the Hop House with Roger getting top billing (woo). Learning more, Roger is 1 of 4 guitar hero brothers, they've played here for 25 years. Wed.s 12-5 back at Diablo's; huge show. MT saved I Don't Care for me again (Hank drums!), met DJ Gollum, saw a former co-worker who now promotes bands--introduced her to Hank, Bill, Almond, + Steve. (yo, where's Theo?) Thurs. 12-6 is Blues Jam #49 for me at Overtime. I was an hour late, and they all said it had been too quiet--I fixed that. My head was already hurting for many reasons, it's been hurting for like 2 weeks now. So we drank, smoked, and yelled; Reno B. and Josh W. showed back up! Josh is the fastest guitarist I've seen--and I've seen a few. Another full stage, 3 R's on guitar, 2 extra Don's (1 drum, 1 sax), Steve got to play 1st set, and was ready to play more harp for me, but never got the chance, and Mike saved I Don't Care for me again (trust me, there IS a plot point coming). After which I yelled "Apparently I'm crying--so I must be having a good time.", and I got to tell Mike I'd be back tomorrow to record his Fri. night gig. Mike promised my birthday combo for the 2nd set (Mystery Train, I Don't Care, and Scratch My Back); nice. So now we know I'm coming back for more. Fri. 12-7, I'm there at 8:30, with no promotion there were only a handful of folks for Mike's big show. Skip + Byron, Pete the Beat, and Stan on guitar. Jeezus. So I'm not recording the first set, duh, but Mike gets the wild hair and rips into I Don't Care. Boo; I missed the first 30 seconds of it. But it was a great show; Z-Bass and Reno showed, Vicki even came and sang!, and we all had fun. Except for I Don't Care, it was a brilliant night of music. Quite the first week of December, bitches...Took a few days off; Hop House Tuesday Jam got cancelled forever--oops. On Wednesday I missed seeing Gayelee sing at Diablo's--that would have been good. 12-13-07 was Blues Jam #50 for me; it signifies my 1-Year anniversary of Thursday nights at the Overtime Tavern; cool (I only missed 2 in 52 weeks)...12-14-07 Friday started with Hop House; Johnny Wilde guitar/singer with Buff Jeff on bass and Pete the Beat on drums. Decent, but Steve and I headed for Overtime. Good move; it's Skip's show, with Byron on bass, Stan Welch on guitar, Theo drumming, bass Todd was also there--we said g'bye to him last month, right? Wow. Tomorrow is Theo's last show here; so that's Sat. night 12-15-07 at Mac's to see Henry Cooper, with Skip, Byron and Theo; incredible. They rocked Mac's Blues venue, then we closed the Overtime again (then Sunday made 4 nights in a row, thank you)...After the week off for Christmas, and much contemplation, um, more later.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I think God has stepped back into observer mode for our current earth crises. I think God is also surprised that we have lasted this long.
What's different here than in college town: There was a recliner chair out on the edge of a yard, and it had a sign on it that said "free to a good home"; ha...Oregon State Tax checks already came back; woo...Lee Trippett invented the "Swinging Wonder" back in 1967; play with my balls, baby...Portland blues band The Insomniacs could get big...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Vernonia, OR is pretty much underwater...12-9-07; first morning with real ice on the windshield; brrr...Hazelnuts are actually called Filberts here; hmmm...
Life with Static Girl: My girlfriend is sharp, subtle and sophisticated...12-1-07; Six Cup Saturday; after doing dishes on Friday night, she ends up with 6 vessels for liquid before dark on Saturday...I tried to get all ambianspecific with the lighting for a snuggle session; um, not quite. And I call her "ambiguvalent" about my social choices; she neither knows nor cares what I do; I mean--I TELL her, but she doesn't listen to me...On her website she calls me the best pinball player; which is not exactly true, but we'll let her go with that for now--and I AM having a pretty good 2-month run here...It is MY job to keep presenting entertainment options to her--so that she can shoot them down; you should know this by now. I also keep food options in the fridge; there should always be a rice pot, potatos, or some kind of leftover in there for her to spruce--or snub. If she already KNEW what she wanted to eat, then she would be MAKING it--rather than scouring the fridge for ideas. See? This is not rocket science, guys; give your SO options!..Girlfriend is not happy with her current employment; she is not being appreciated. I can relate with that...She'll never understand the depth of my liking her, or the "stepth" of my lust for her...I gave my girlfriend 2 of these great crank-lights (one has a radio); saving the earth can be pretty obnoxious sometimes...Christmas shopping at Target, we got all affectionate on one aisle--for like 2 whole seconds. Very nice...I got to see her in barely visible light, and she is still an alien goddess, floating swiftly and silently...Thanks to my Dad, I now have my girlfriend's Valentines gift ready for transference; more later...She uses the word "evidently" in the same manner I use "apparently"; see? She deduces by logic, or "evidence"; I deduce by implied conclusions, or visuals--what is "apparent". No "normal" guy is going to notice shit like this...
My FCP has this for me: My FCP is smart, sassy and sexy...I will celebrate a new year's day with her all over my face, and grind out a New Year's Eve on her, as well. She and I will take "oral fixation" to a new human level. Maybe next year.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Headline on the Local section: "No Room For Sex Offenders"; (so I thought) yeah, I guess all those recreational pot-smokers take up most of the jail space. Next line after the headline: "Campus housing may be one of the few areas available for convicts". Wait; criminals and college kids in the same sandbox? I couldn't make up shit this good!..Chinese pharmaceuticals are filling up U. S. medicine chests; ha...The US Dollar has dropped so far that it is equal to the Canadian Dollar now...Baseball's Mitchell Report names names in the devaluing of my baseball card collection...
A thought to take with you: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss
Here's a double: "Let food by thy medicine." AND "All diseases enter our body through the mouth."--Hippocrates
Band names: Tremblina, Banana Slugs, Baked Celery, Call Center Sheep, "Chocolate Homework" (Baby Blues comic), "Flopping Fish" (Kill Bill Vol. 2).
Reading: The FOE website. Newspaper blurbs have been great lately. (Rather than write new ones) I've been reading my old commentaries where I solve the world's problems, and scream at stupid people...Etherzone had a review of the book "Energy Victory" by Rob Zubrin, but the world cannot be saved for a profit--as I have said many times (in my old commentaries). Yawn...
Watching: Henry Rollins' show is now a daily for me; on 1 episode he talks like me, praises Woody Allen, and then has Robyn Hitchcock perform. Wow...I've watched the first 3 Sarah Connor Chronicles--they're way above average. Also check out "Breaking Bad" on AMC..Stewie, the playground ninja, looking at mom Lois while doing karate chops, and saying "Wuh-tuh-ba-taa!". That shit cracks me up. "Peanut Butter/Jelly Time" is from Family Guy #67 (it has taken me 2 months to get that)...
Class Projects: We watched most of Aeon Flux together. We also watch CSI's, and Janeane Garofalo's "Disquisitions" from Henry Rollins,
Watching and Hearing: Get this--the 4 hours of Tom Petty (Running Down A Dream) is also on the NFL network; how cool is that? Also on NFL, I also saw a replay of the '93 Bills/Oilers playoff game--nice. Speaking of T.P. and the NFL; now there's a Superbowl halftime show worth tivo-ing. Why the fuck would they try to drop Paula Abdul in there, too? Whatever; and if you catch T.P. on tour in 2008, look for Steve Winwood sharing the stage...
Hearing: Lots of Tom Delonge (Blink 182 and both A & A CD's), the Derek and the Dominos "Layla" CD Dad got me, Sugarloaf, Crumb, NIN, Caviar, Zep, 3 ELO CD's,
What I want today: I've been thinking about dating girls back when I was 18, and then during my radio daze; I did okay, but I could have done so many things better...
New stuff this month or so: Let's stop being so accomodating; since I am an old man with back problems, the world can bend over for me now. Thank you...Take the Celsius temp., double it, subtract 10%, add 32 to it, and that's the conversion to Farenheit.
Christmas doubles: 2 quick notes here. I wound up with 2 copies of Paul Delay's "Heavy Rotation" CD; I will be sending one to my Mom--she'll love it. And, with my 2nd copy of The Tick vs. Season 2, I will trade one back in to Best Buy for...Tick season 1!
This Month of bargain shopping: I am SO due for a Dollar Tree run. Yes; cheese slices, hand-sanitizer, frozen peas and carrots, Maui onion chips, too.
Occupational Hazards: They moved us, sort of, and they're giving us this new custom training to be regular people in the building. Too bad that the training team of 2 should just be 1--not my prob, man...Getting off at or before 6 pm allows me to do much more in the evening; lamp, lunch, laundry, and I can still get to Diablo's before 10:30--sweet...Wednesday 1-16; I went to work on time, after going to bed early the night before, lots of sleep, no booze or drugs, and I was totally coherent and organized on the job. I have one word to describe this adventure: boring...So for Thursday 1-17, after a good night Downtown, I was all jittery, shivering and drooling; fighting to stay awake. Yeah, this is more like it--'there is nothing little about this hangover, sir'. Welcome to MY default setting!..It's really early, but I may have a new at-work buddy on my new team. Stay tuned...Bad move; I scribble shit on post-its at work, and carry them around. One day I left my profane scribbles in the lunch room (oops), 2 hours later they were still there (yay); but that could have been bad...A guy across from me has taught himself to juggle 3 balls--while at work. Is that cool, or what?..
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: There is a limit to the amount of revelation I can make to the people who live outside my own head; different levels of secrecy are needed. For example, I AM already a self-cannibal, and plan to eat more. But THAT is as far as I'm carrying you...My New Year's Eve had an all-nighter concluding with a 5 am screening of my new DVD of "Wag the Dog"...I did a trip to the mall on the first Friday night of 2008--helping out a friend. The food court smells made me sick, and the crowds of teen sheeple did also. Except for the scouting of high skool victims, you should avoid the mall at all cost...Thurs. 1-3-08: My lower front tooth problem area has begun to throb--and I probably deserve it; I just hate eating Ora-jel for its intended purpose. This is a monster toothache; look for me to try to twist this perspective. Also; my left foot/toe has new mystery hurting; that diminishes the pain of my shoulder, right foot, lower back, and teeth. Spread the pain, baby. What a joy it is getting old...Ordered my Magic Bullet on 1-3-08, got it on 1-5...1-6; my left foot swelled up, puffy broken red splotches; I still went to work 1-7. Static Girl saw it--ask her about my mangled appendage...Pinball high scores are all reset; Nascar is working well (417 and 500 mil), mesmerizing, and close to home...New World Poker pinball at a new bar close to home; and that's good because in the span of 3 days, all 3 of my other pinball machines broke...Working on a new attitude--more forgiving; maybe my X-Files body will inspire me...Taking 2 weeks off from working out, maybe 3 weeks. Adjusting to a new schedule and better diet; my shoulder is improving, too. I'm not freak-sweating anymore either; this is weird...I need to do a new survey for 2008; my brain has been flash-darting brilliantly...Nascar pinball broke, again, and is fixed again; all high scores are reset. On 1-26-08, I scored 476 mil...Tues. 1-29-08 I drove home in a blinding snowstorm; and that was so fun that later I was at the bar by 9 pm...
Grammar Man here stumbled on the spelling of magnificent, or magnificient. Magnificintentions grew from the chaos. If pets were completely independent, they would be "selfstaining".
New foods this month: An apple a day is a great plan!..Not new, but we should discuss Sugar in the Raw from Hawaii--because it's not processed sugar. It's mild and yummy; simile to sea salt. Continuing on the sweet side; from M o C I am eating Bear Mountain raw honey from nearby Creswell, OR...Also; raisins are going to be my sweet snack now; raisins and pecans go very well together...Discovery at Fred Meyer: tons of great save-the-earth soap/cleaning products...I want to make cold veggie nachos on top of mushroom slices, and make salsa with my new bullet...Must get some Hazelnut hummus!..I read somewhere to put pecans on your homegrown pizza, and that sounded good to me. So I made another KVP with pecans, and it was excellent. How good was it? Girlfriend ate BOTH leftover pieces before I even had a chance. Blast! To retaliate, I ate her last 2 pieces of cornbread...Local Deschuttes Buzzsaw Brown Ale is mild and smooth...Girlfriend made a cake for work, and I ate the 2 pieces she brought home--I'm still pissed about my pecan pizza leftovers!..Carrot, celery and mushroom rice pot; he shoots--he scores!..
This month of Blues Jamming: Wed.s 1-2-08 at Diablo's; walked in to "I Don't Care", and nobody was there. Mike T's first lead performance of 'Cold Shot', and a great run at 'Blind, Crippled and Crazy' with Hank drumming all night. Missed my chance to be all nice to sweetie A; so she left. Ex-dealer bitch showed again, so I left. Toothache Thursday kept me out of my first Westside Blues Jam 1-3-08; oh well. 1-3 sucked ass...1-9-08 back to Diablo's; what a party night! Fun all the way, and I made it to work the next day. Then comes my first Blues Jam of 2008; 1-10-08 at Overtime. Jimmy D, my drummer and pinball student, has his own blurb in the Weekly this week. 2 women were hitting on me (2?); the first set was the best ever. The pinball machine is working correctly. Too much stuff to do, and I can't concentrate on pinball...Monday 1-14 I just hung out at Overtime with the barkeep, we were the only 2 there, and it was party IN the patio night!...1-16, back to Diablo's/Downtown; big night. Mike played a new slow song, I would call it 'Killer'. I even wrote out a list of reasons to go to the Wed.s Downtown Blues Jam. Get this; 5-way Combo, Hank, is hanging out with ME, and keeping MY mind sharp--which I certainly appreciate (appparently I really amuse him). Steve played a different song (get by) that sounded like Molly Hatchet's 'Dreams', and he was impressed that I caught that. Mike is ON: he sings and plays like he's already famous--my suggestion. Nice. Kenny Reed even came, danced and drummed for I Don't Care...Then that will lead to the Westside Blues Jam of 1-17-08. Mike is ON again--I like that. He played 'Killer' for me, and I Don't Care for me; Mike likes me. I drank only 3 beers; weird for me. Stayed relatively coherent so that I can go to work tomorrow. I still walked 4 times, and made 4 different groups of people cough really hard--that's what I do. Back to the O to see The Rythym Pimps on Sat 1-19; also bought their CD. Almost got in a fight, too; not even my own fault--weirdest shit ever. So now I'm taking a break. No Downtown Jam 1-23-08. No Downtown Jam 1-30 either...1-31-08; Westside Blues Jam was great! I called for my songs in the first set, and got most of them. No pinball; I was there for music. A typical, excellent night. Stayed up/out/partied way too late
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I read about this guy Donald Miller, from Portland, Oregon who preaches a modernized Christianity. It's kind of like saying 'God needs an update'--what a great idea! Grrr...
What's different here than in college town: AZ is finally implementing illegal immigrant policies for businesses who hire them; so they're only 30 years late at enforcing their own laws. Go AZ!..UGA got 3 votes (of 60) to be national football champs; nice...Ventriloquist Hero Jeff Dunham played here; I offered to take Static Girl. She snubbed it...On Art Beat, we saw Jan Eliot, the cartoonist behind Stone Soup; she's good...Run a red light here, and it will cost you $360...Another mid-sized call center is opening downtown; so that's another potential wasted year of employment opportunity; I'm not bitter...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: We have Freezing Fog up here...Oregon has the "adenovirus" (#14 I think). In the USA, 1035 people are infected, and 20% have died!..Wed.s 1-16, it was 30 degrees at 2 pm here (76 in AZ)...At Market of Choice, customers can grind their own organic flour--nice...In 1980, when VCR's came out and got popular, Oregon had more porn VHS purchases than anywhere else. Portland still has more strip clubs per population than any other city in America.
Life with Static Girl: New year; new applications. She is calmly classy, and softly sophisticated...Even while sleeping, with hair mess everywhere, and a little crust on the side of her mouth, she is STILL the most gorgeous creature in the universe...She and I continue to create wonderful new ones, AND relive great previous moments...We had a romantic dinner, in a private room, to a symphony of frogs. Very green. It was beautiful...She likes trees more than doctors. Okay...We may go guinea pig adopting soon! We did! Welcome Boo and Twitch on 1-5-08!..Static Girl uses too much soap in her laundry loads--because she hates laundry...Her shoes are too tight for her to wear thick socks, so I may have to order her a new pair of bigger hemp shoes. Hers will always be hemp shoes now--nice...Not really NEW foods; but she has already made incredible cornbread, more cookie bars, and more tofu squares. I call them Tofu Sponges. Wait; my girlfriend IS a batch of her own yummy and requested cornbread: pale, and a little boring, it certainly doesn't look satisfying at all. But then you try it out, and it's amazing. Who KNEW that cornbread could be so good? This is like my own private gourmet feast here! Decent metaphor...My girlfriend has horrible aches and pains from working too hard at her dumb job; I may have to go down there and set 'em straight...Personality comparisons; my girlfriend is evidently "Boo", and I am apparently "Twitch". That was good; did you see me combine stuff right there? Never mind...Saving the earth; we are moving toward cloth napkins now--sharing a cloth napkin at dinner, awww...I skipped a week of housecleaning, and our toilets got nasty--like a truck stop...Watching Aeon Flux, there was some industrial dance music. I said 'You know why I like this music, right?' And she said 'Because it's lamely repetitive?'...
My FCP has this for me: My New Year's Resolution is in place, almost like a premonition, and the subjects are informed. My girlfriend even agrees with the concept!..Poor thing; my FCP is flying solo again for awhile. We wish her the best, and offer her the world with open arms. I will artisticly dream of her more--perhaps even daily!..Need to thank her again for all the cool toys and stress-relievers she's sent me over the years; the purple stress clay helps me at my new position...More cool shit she's sent; all the different coffee flavors, and beans that grind well in my new bullet!..I made up a new metaphor for her--utilizing the letters of her name; wow, I don't get the credit I deserve.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Hey look; 16,000 kids die each day because of hunger issues--but I bet this won't keep girls from shitting out babies, will it? More! Asians are now determining the baby's sex in the womb, and aborting females! Do you love this shit?..I heard about using ear-stapling to stop smoking; I couldn't make up shit this good!..I'm torn on this whole "cyber-bully" thing--you don't have to give up your lunch money, and you don't get your nose broken, right?; So; what's the problem? But IF kids are committing REAL suicide because of shit that is said on the internet, then THOSE kids weren't going to make it in the real world anyway. Sorry...Oil is $100 a barrel, and just look at all the options we have...Tennis Babe Martina Hingis has retired amidst cocaine rumors; I will miss her (she can be my private cokewhore anytime)...More sports; I don't care what's in it: if you let somebody juice up something hard, stick it in your butt, and dump the load--then you either are cheating, or gay, or both. Cheated? I fucking feel "cheated" for spending $26 on a Roger Clemens rookie card in '96...Scientists warn of a new drug-resistent MRSA flesh-eating bacteria spreading among gay men in San Fran and Boston. Bummer...Citigroup loses $10 mil in a quarter and cuts 4200 jobs; yawn...The Bush administration lied at least 935 times in the 2 years before the war in 2003, "Bushed" (documented) by 2 independent groups...In 2005 there were more births, and fewer abortions than any year ever before...
A thought to take with you: "Better a sober cannibal than a drunk Christian"--my FCP
Band names: Mangled Appendage, Truck Stop Toilets,
Watching: Previews show a commercialized (and edited) "Dexter" coming to CBS, also some Mixed Martial Arts; that's pathetic and desperate--even for CBS. Hmmm. Maybe I should be on CBS...Robot Chicken reruns are amazing; student driver UFO's, Jasper the Ghost, the violent season 2 Robot Chicken telethon...Breaking Bad continues, Sarah Connor too (Lena Headey: The MILF Queen), and IF they play it right, 'Chronicles' could be the best show ever on tv...TOON has a new George of the Jungle cartoon? I bet George doesn't have sexy twin redheaded sisters as treehouse wives in THIS one, mutherfucker. A new song? Why change that incredible George song?..From Henry Rollins' show: Did Gene Simmons discover Van Halen in 1977?
Class Projects: 12 Monkeys (I'd never seen it sober)...I watch Firefly's/Serenity stuff with her...Finally got Static Girl to watch the Robot Chicken Half-Assed Christmas Special 2007, with the Nerd-Narnia and Peanuts-Misery. She could not help but be entertained...She has watched exactly 1 episode of Sportsnight with me--that girl is hard to impress...
Shit I watch alone: Finally finished my first Sportsnight disc; 5 more to go--must ration slowly...Watched "Boiler Room", ehhhh; "Boondock Saints", good, was suggested by my new pinball buddy..."Black Christmas" was a sorority girl massacre movie with some slow moments, but overall a B+ (with some good blood)...".45" was a B movie with Milla Jojovich in a bad relationship; but you get to see evey inch of Resident Evil--give it a "C". 1982's "Silent Rage" had Chuck Norris; oh it was horrible.
Watching and Hearing: In the distance I hear a muffled, moaning Mindy voice mumbling Schoolhouse Rock songs while I watch her work...Well, um, the Grammies. Herbie Hancock, who I've seen 2 specials on lately, won album of the year for 'River'. Beastie Boys won for instrumental; woo. I don't watch televised crap like this, but I do read the box scores...Fuse had Foo from MSG; that was quite the concert. Foo is coming here in July; I won't be there...
Hearing: I listen to A & A's "Everything's Magic" 4-8 times per day. On a Friday night we had 2 rooms with 2 different A & A CD's playing; Static Girl took "I-Empire", and I played 'Whisper'. Nice...A & A is coming to Oregon in early March 2008, but I probably won't go see them, either. Music means more to me when I am alone to enjoy it...
What I want today: A new girl to chase around the playground.
New stuff this month or so: At the recycling bins, people are starting to get all pissy about the "rules" for recycling. Here's my take: I'll leave this shit with you, or I'll go put it in the dumpster over there--your choice. Have a nice day...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): I found the main Cash King, by accident, while looking for pinball. Gotta go back there.
Occupational Hazards: 2-1-08; I left for work at 10:13 (FCP time) am, only 45 minutes late...Monday 2-4-08; what a mess, I shit 3 times before lunch...There is much inspiration at work--some of it is even good...I get a large amount of wiggle-room around policies and procedures; I am very lucky they like me...Flirt? Me? Pshaw..."I don't even know how much trouble I'm in right now."--that's how most of my days begin...I don't "steal" at work, and was commended for having morals; how fucked up is that?..Some girl at work saw me doing my "Larry Bird" back stretches on the floor, and she thought I was masturbating. So I am NOT allowed to do funky floor stretches no mo...Wed.s 2-20 at work, sick and contaminated; shivering, crying, drooling, snot flying everywhere, pissy, and confrontational on the phone--'call' me "debonair"...Apparently I am still the most entertaining person in the building, and now producing well every week...Life is short; I may have to start leaving the trail of bodies in my wake. Stay tuned...From out of nowhere, I started chasing a new girl around the playground. Turns out that she may actually enjoy the attention; wish her luck...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: While starving, I ate 6 mushrooms and an avocado; that was interesting...Owww, my teeth...All 5 Nascar pinball high scores are mine, as they should be; from 332 up to 476 mil. My back doesn't hurt so much while I'm fondling flippers--pinball (like sexual therapy) also releases oxytocin for me...Met a pinball guy (he loves Dr. Dude); maybe I have a new pinball buddy. His girlfriend looks like Static Girl, but is an extrovert...I'd been pretty good about not self-cannabalizing for most of January. Then I chewed my left thumb til it bled in 3 places. Oops. But; I'm also writing in February--so maybe it's okay...Crashing and burning at Nascar pinball; then I had the 266 mil first ball, ending with 350. Exactly ONE great game sandwiched between 6 shitty ones. Tuesday and Wednesday night Blues Jams are great--if I'm not writing. But when I'm writing; sorry, I'm staying home...2-5 and 2-6; stayed at home...Writing is what makes my brain flash; work is merely distraction. I don't sit around and think of ways to do my job better; fuck that. Work is lucky that I show up when I do...I abuse the shit out of the snooze button; Static Girl would want me to tell you that...Went back to my crappy dentist office and did NOT throw the fit they deserve; got 75% of a painful cleanse, too. I'm scouting for a new tooth fairy...2-13-08 I weighed 199.4 fully dressed...The poetic struggle; to fish (write), or cut bait (distract now, so we can write later)...Is a Eugene Pinball Wizard being stalked in the Weekly?..Met a guy who blows glass bongs for a living; wow, only in Oregon...Got sick on Tues 2-19; started going to bed before 9 pm 3 nights in a row. Trying to keep a good attitude because I haven't been sick in over a year, but this sucks. 4 days w/out a cigarette...Remember one of my signs is "Does not play well with others"? Twist it into "Plays well with self"; I'm a fuckin' genius over here...Your body is an entire processing plant; every element of the cycle is an integral part. Sometimes your body gets overwhelmed, for whatever reasons, and must take some down time. Deal with it, and keep the other elements of the cycle in place. Poetic or not; sometimes your body must fish, and sometimes your body must cut bait...More dental; the dentist office may be full of incompetence, but my dentist rocks!..New people are difficult to read; be careful, and don't assume you know better...
New foods this month: 2 kinds of my own salsa for the Superbowl; the first was salsa-mole, which was gone before kickoff (oops). Then I made extra hot serrano salsa that made me cry and sweat. Love my Magic Bullet...Avocado is a great add to rice pots, too!..My first bullet pasta sauce was exquisite; on 2-8-08. That led to my 2nd batch on 2-9-08, and there will be more...Alcohol? Sure; instead of regular Poor Man's Crown (Black Velvet), I got us some 8-year aged, "Reserve" Black Velvet...New juice for our house--I discoverd it for Static Girl: Cran-Tangerine. One word: YUM...She attempted to make brownies; they turned out to be what I called "browniecakes", and they are excellent. She made more incredible cornbread, too...Birthday party for a guy at my work; one food item was artichoke/jalapeno dip. I'm going to say that again; "artichoke/jalapeno dip". Life is good...I haven't been out to eat in months because making food at home is better/safer/healthier...Girlfriend made some tofu sponges soaked in canola oil; yum...We ran out of soy milk; weird...Magic Bullet pizza sauce, pizza paste maybe, with olives mixed into it; Static Girl called me an 'excellent cook'...
This month of Blues Jamming: 2-2-08 Saturday; Mike Tracey at the Vets Club, with Stan W, Almond, Pete, and Natty on bass. Vicki even came to sing, but I left because my back was hurting...2-7-08; pretty good show, MT saved I Don't Care for me, 1 guitar R had California Gold hash hits, yum; 2-14-08, VD Jam, and a good one. MT left after the 1st set though. I stayed and shut it down again. "Sometimes the bar is more important than going to work."--Me...2-20 and 2-21-08; sick week--too sick for Wed.s or Thurs. Blues Jam (guess I saved about $100 and 6 grams--go me)...2-28-08; good show; Mike could only play the first set, but played I Don't Care for me. I stayed sober enough for work and all on Friday. What a weak month for Blues Jamming, but I was writing. On the treble speaker, outside at my Blues Jam bar, I have heard amazing music; Wish You Were Here, Let My Love Open the Door, Crazy on You. Last day of February; my other guitar hero, Josh W., had his own gig at the Hop House. I told many people about it, but did not go myself--I went to the O, scored a 349 on Nascar, and a -17 on the 5th new golf course (with 4 missed putts)...House of Blues w/Elwood on the radio every Sunday night...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Looking for evidence; Static Girl believes in neither God nor Aliens. Me? I'll believe in whomever "illuminates" first--because I think they've all been/still are here. My apologies to God, but "He" (the typical human conception of a Supreme Being) does not seem to be responding right now. Oversimplify this shit; our choices are: God, Aliens, or Middle Earth Lizards. ? Make your guess soon--if you guess correctly, then maybe you get to hang around and watch some of the fireworks. I still go with God for now; but He's fucking testing me.
What's different here than in college town: 13 of 16 school districts in my county here had to recall the meat for the school lunches. They are concerned about eek-oli, Cinderella, and Bad Cow Disease. Woo...Atlanta band The Black Lips, kicked out of most GA venues for profanity and shock value (yeah, preach to my choir), played up here. Woo...The Koozies are a local Oregon Rockabilly band; continuing, the new poker bar in my neighborhood can have/has already had live music performed there, and 1 of the managers at the bar is IN The Koozies; hopefully you're "caboosing" on this train of thought. Yes! Astoria will have music 1 night per week; very cool...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: John McCain is finally going to get his shot at the presidency; about 20 years too late...Portland's "Lucky Lab" brewery uses solar heat to make beer...
Life with Static Girl: I've been addressing her comedic timing, and showing her the incredible progress she has made since knowing me. I remember most of her best lines over the last 10 years...Girlfriend is reading, writing and drawing. She's mascotted an octopus for the term "scanner"--a person with many interests. She's very sharp...We are flushing toilets less now, and she's helping me move to the cloth napkins (I slip)...My girlfriend reads 3 books at a time; I have 3 open boxes of dental floss at a time; priorities...She ate all but ONE vitamin C pill in the botle, as a way of letting me know we needed more. Where I come from, we would call that 'sloppy, but effective'...During my sick week, my excellent (and supportive) girlfriend made me Miso for dinner 4 nights in a row. I kept saying "Miso hungry.". Simply amazing; my Miso Girlfriend--she is...Not a moment too soon; My Girlfriend has quit her stupid day job. She's going to take some time off and be a Scanner Octopus; I sent her a great e-mail on her last day, and she liked it!..New candy; my girlfriend likes baby "Nerds". Pure sugar, evidently. I will find her more of them...Get this; I can sleep till 3 pm on Saturday, and NOT get in trouble by my girlfriend for it--because she says that I am sleep-deprived, and I DESERVE to crash in with no snooze sometimes. Plus; if she's not working, SHE can be in charge of (most of) the house cleaning for a couple of weeks...Took a lovely walk with my girl to Staples to get her some art stuff. She also bought me some new pens--nice!..
My FCP has this for me: She disappears for weeks at a time, and I am left to fend for myself. She is so many great things--all at once...Her "neglect" sent me on a writing spree (?); so this means that her ABUSE is better than most people's PRAISE. Smoke that. Thank you baby!..I wrote to her for a couple of hours one night, two nights, 3; many nights...This works for any great woman, but I thought of it in reference to my FCP: subjectify how you must rework your passion intended for the mental image with a real entity. It's much more than 'love the one you're with'. It's a tribute; victory, and punishment, equally. "Substitute Idol Worship". Is anybody else coming up with shit this good?..Back in 2003, my FCP came up with a new Super Hero for me; Wonder Chicken (catch the initials). Since Wonder Chicken's creation, the real-life tv show "Robot Chicken" has come into existence, with many of the same charcteristics, and more. The coolness and darkness envelopes us, still.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: In Houston, 33 yr. old Shanell Monique Mosley left her 8 kids at home to go marry some Nigerian guy she met on the internet (She was arrested, yay; but did her tubes get tied?)...33 yr. old Banita Jacks stayed in her home with her 4 dead and decomposing daughters. One girl had been stabbed, the other three had marks on their necks; aged 5-16 (but did ol' Banita have her tubes tied?)...As I told you years ago, new reports will prove Anne Frank's diary to be a fraud written for profit by 2 men...Some teen got caught trying to have his parents killed; but I bet women will keep on shitting out children, won't they? Have a nice day...I'd never heard of a 'super delegate' before this election season; I think they're making shit up again...Olympics every 2 years now; what were the Olympics in 2006? What did I miss?..
A thought to take with you: "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."- George Orwell
"Just because I chase you around the playground, and throw rocks at you; that does not mean that I like you."--Me
"It's hard to write the future history of America for the current history hasn't been fully written." George W. Bush
(about Dick Cheney;) This wingnut is running a country, for God's sake? I need a drink. --Fred Reed
"Our problem results from acting like cowboys on a limitless frontier when in truth we inhabit a living spaceship with a finely balanced life-support system." David C. Korton
Band names: Real indie-pop band; "Go-Kart Mozart" (think: Blinded By The Light), and "Rush Mountmore" is the name of an Oregon Rush cover band. "Oyster Spit" (from a new survey), Another real Oregon band; "The Roofie Slippers",
Reading and Watching? Kinda big here: On our Dish Network, you can always push the button to get "info" on any show on television. In the first 16 months, I had NEVER seen a type-o in program info. I thought this shit was computer spell-checked thousands of times in multiple countries and languages. Right? Well I'd just like to remind all of those computers, countries, and languages that a person adept at playing cards is not a "cardsharp", but more of a "cardshark". The "p" and the "k" are pretty close on the keyboard; thank you. My girlfriend also saw this, agreed with me on it, was stunned that I caught it, and declared that I MAY be the most anal person on the planet. Perhaps. Yeah; let's go with that for now.
Watching: Can't say enough good about Robot Chicken--but I'll keep trying; I actually have to rewind some of the short jabs and watch them over. Even sober, I still laugh my ass off. Genius in every fucking scene change...Keith O. (also a Robot Chicken fan, and Maria Milito's pimp, ha) is getting really good at nailing the line of just how far he can go on Countdown; but sometimes the segments DO get cut, and you're left wondering 'Oh shit; wtf did he say right there?' On a separate note; K. O. dresses sharply--he is a Dapper Dan, baby! I play occaisional Keith rants for my girlfriend, and she thinks he's good, too--she just can't watch dumb news shows...Breaking Bad and Sarah Connor are done with season 1. In the Breaking Bad finale, I predicted Walter's lines before he said them 4 different times; as in, I am CONNECTED with his character...Congrads to Joel McHale (Soup) and Mike Wilbon (PTI), who both became daddys last month.
Class Projects: Static Girl and I watch episodes of her "Firefly" show, which has both Summer Glau (Sarah Connor Chronicles), and Ron Glass (from Barney Miller 30 years ago). And I now understand the appeal of the movie Serenity, which I will gladly watch again. To any virgins of Firefly, I must ask that you watch 3 episodes of the show--get the feel of it, BEFORE you watch the movie "Serenity". I did it backwards, and will have to go back now.
Shit I watch alone: Daily; PTI and Countdown. Weekly; the Soup, (I have temporarily lost my connection to Whitest Kids You Know and Henry Rollins)...Thought I DVRed the Lewis Black special, but maybe I missed it. It's hard to weed through those 50 Robot Chicken episodes. Ha; did I say "weed through"? Sure; no pun there. La la la la...
Watching and Hearing: Modern English, used too many times already, is now in a Taco Bell spot...Deep Purple is tastefully moving Jaguars...ZZ Top and Pennzoil? Fuck me...
Hearing: Whipped out my unreleased Caviar disc from 2003; Blake Smith fucking rules! Great music and creative wordplay in EVERY song--and that is EXACTLY how I would do it, mutherfucker!..Heard Elwood do a tribute to John Fogerty on House of Blues...3 John Cougar songs one day in the cafteria at work...Whipped out 1 of my Fat Boy Slim CD's...
What I want today: I had this passing thought where a woman says to me 'Let's do whatever it takes to make you happy.' Yeah; I think I'd like to have that in real life once or twice. Maybe monthly. Yeah, I'm dreaming; so what?..What I want today is a clone of me that I can send out to scam on women--kiss on, and collect phone numbers, whatever, while the REAL me gets to concentrate on Blues Jams and pinball. Am I fucked up, or what? Most guys would use music and pinball to GET women, but I use them to AVOID women.
New stuff this month or so: Time change; I completely missed it again. I was confused already, and now it's worse. Honestly; I don't know what time it is; I may not even know what day it is...Everyday my Blues Jam bar gets a bit closer to having their new outdoor deck finalized. It will be finished by April, and then we will have a brand new arena for a 'party on the patio', outdoor blues jams, cookouts, etc...New musical news? Gayelee, Roger and Trey headline the St. Patty's benefit here; nice. HOW did they get higher billing than Mike Tracey (who plays before them)? The show conflicts with my Sunday night HOB with Elwood, dammit. Other music news; my 5-Way Combo Hank Shreve has officially joined up with the Ty Curtis band here. Ty is the 20 yr. blues old prodigy guy--you've probably heard of him, and you definitely need to see him...Up near Ring of Fire, a new pet store; Reptile Kingdom. I will go and spend some money up there--not to buy a reptile--just to help a local business...It now costs $80 to fill up my gas tank; for 300 miles of driving. This is going to send me on another financial rant. People should have an automated communist Utopian co-option for living situations (no fucking cars). But don't start listening to me now--it's way too late...Have you seen any of this new presidential erection bullshit? People get all riled up, AS FUCKING IF their individual votes meant something. Popular vote does not choose a president; I learned that in like, the 4th grade. Maybe I was the only kid sober that day--I don't know. It seems like most people missed many things. La la la la...We had a 4-day run in our house where the phone never rang once; that was nice. Perhaps that will keep happening now...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): NutrAqua water and Ziti pasta from Dollar Tree,
Occupational Hazards: If I miss another day before September it could be all over; place your bets...Went to work 61 minutes late a day after the greatest 3rd set of Blues Jam ever, and I'm still employed, so just shush up about it...A lady on the phone said 'Thank you for playing.' Ha--I smiled. I used to say that on the radio. Another business partner heard me singing Modest Mouse, and at the end she said "I hope you enjoy your little cockroach song"...Then I got called to the REAL principle's office to discuss my attendance problems (uh-oh). One tardy away from termination, baby! I am your "Double Secret Probation Bitch"! Fuck March Madness--start this pool: will I make it till April? I'll put $10 on April 11th as my last day...For the moment, employed and all, I DO work with James Dean--so let's not piss me off too much--I'll sick his dead, deranged ass on you (yeah, he's pretty fucked up)...Later; I'm sitting there thinking; 'This is how I'm supposed to spend my day? I should be devising literature; breaking down calculations, and creating solutions. I should be deconstructing brain waves and measuring neuron combustion; determining hue-enhancement on behavior modification. I mean, COLOR me confused--but genius is being wasted as I sit here and answer dumbed down fucking phone calls.'...I hear "Tainted Love" in the work cafeteria, which reminds me of Blues Jam...So I'm sitting there, lip-synching Radar Love, and I answer the phone 'Thank you for calling Radar Love; um, I mean...' Lucky for me, the guy was another Golden Earring fan--that COULD have been the end of my whoop-tee-fucking-do career...Playground chick may be gone now. Oh well; her loss...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: 3-2-08; Sunday Night House of Blues pinball party at the O; new 504 million high score on Nascar pinball...I am here to oversimplify everything...Hungover; I pour water down the hatch, and it completely disappears. Sometimes I drink a gallon of water on Fridays; buh-bye...When I don't have time for an apple or banana, and no visit with Boo and Twitch, I eat a carrot on the drive to work...Broken Nascar pinball; no left ramp, no locks, no multiball, and I can STILL put 200 mil on it. Ha!..Surprise gifts, initiated, requested, granted; be careful what you wish for (even silently), because you might just get it...I've had a pair of great Saturdays (8, 15)and Tuesdays, back-to-back (too good to detail here), and 2 incredible Thursday Blues Jams--with after-parties! And I've been exercising like a good boy, my weight keeps dropping, and I mailed Mom's package a week early. I look responsible (almost)...My local stalker pulled 2 things from this very website; that I am a Zombie, and that I am a Cannibal. She makes me out to be this Underworldly Demon, but, um, I don't stalk her...Jeezus; I can't sleep, AND I can't stay awake. Kill me. Kill me now!..On a Tuesday night, up till 6 am, I couldn't finish. The next night, Wednesday, I finished twice before 1 am. WTF? Some nights my own plumbing doesn't cooperate...Medicine is starting to name all the cool little alien things wrong with me. Apparently others also suffer from "tinnitus"; the ringing, buzzing, + clicking noises in your ears. Radio? Sure; I call it "my internal jukebox", and it tag-teamed brilliantly with my mastoidectomy for years--imagine the ear-noise (and Dr. Demento) I've heard my whole life! I don't know that I WANT science to be able to explain all the shit that's wrong with me...After a bad day, I feel better as soon as I get to the bar; so I'm an alcoholic, right?..194.3 fully dressed on Friday 3-21? That may begin to explain why 3 strange women have grabbed my ass in the last month. I'm pretty sure I like the attention, but it's still kinda weird...I'm hot; I'm cold. Violent Mood Swings-R-Us (Save Yourself, bitch); I also bring out the mood swings in others...Sat 3-22, finally went and bought a new 36 inch black belt...A well-cooked steak, at my bar. I was offered a bite, but turned it down. My vegetarianism is intact; fuck me, I was hungry, AND it smelled great. I just chose to go the right way. Go me...Okay...I had this same problem back in Athens; pay attention: IF you are going to drive around in a vehicle with a business's name and sign on it; don't fucking cut me off, AND stay the fuck in your own lane on turns, you stupid sack. I have to go find this dumbass business now, and burn it down--or at least spray paint it, all because of one stupid fuck shit who apparently forgot he was representing a business with his bad driving decisions. I am tired of waiting for the goddamn Illuminatti pussies to wipe out 90% of you sheep...I was dripping blood after a shower; you know what? Never mind...Thank God for ORB; he went and scored #3 on Nascar pinball, 417 mil, which inspired me to bump the new high score up to 551 mil. Yay me...I should just wait until the end o' the month, and put up my lowest weight and highest pinball scores: 194.3 fully dressed on 3-21, and 2 games of Nascar pinball over 500 mil, tops was 551.
New foods this month: spaghetti squash with Magic Bullet pasta sauce will happen soon...more Static Girl lentil soup, which mixed very well with my garlic/mushroom rice pot. I'm cutting the mushrooms into tiny pieces so their flavor soaks in better...Dollar Store Ziti is good, too...Viso healthy energy soda with vitamins and shit; yum. Hey look; it's from Portland! Kick ass...Pizza Rice is the new shit; 2 batches in now, and let's just say it's going well. 3 batches in; with a whole can of olives, it's the new house favorite...Bay Area coffee "Espresso Roast"; we're right above California--so it's almost local. This is the strongest, darkest, most corrupt nasty shit ever. I love it, and would pay extra for it; thank you. The beans scream "You'll be sorry, mutherfucker!" as they grind. Yum...I've had ideas for Whoppers, AND for Reese's Cups. Then on 3-22, we found Reese's Cup Whoppers. Wow. So that's like, a combo-meal fantasy; now all I need is a yummy naked chick to lick them across. Girlfriend says 'No'; darn...Static Girl made Tofu burgers! They were excellent, but maybe just a tad dry. All they needed was a splash of my input (hmmm)--but now they're gone...Beets! As I predictated right here, somewhere, maybe, you can't beet my girlfriend. She loves them, and they make the most beautiful burgundy rice pot!..
This month of Blues Jamming: 3-6-08 Westside Blues Jam was fantastic; I have the cassette of set 3 (I Don't Care + Hand to Mouth). What a night, and then the after-party till 3 am! How did I make it to work the next morning? Then on 3-13 there was more; many walks, no audience; me right in front of Mike Tracey. Holy Cow; I am the man. Too many women want me to pay attention to them at Blues Jam; my one-track mind isn't tuned to pussy on Thursday nights. I'm sorry, ladies. After party close to home till 4 am...3-15, back to my bar, and local band Wetsock is playing (Flogging-311-Cake-ish; very fun band); they were a bit loud, but fucking great! 5 other women wanted my attention tonight, too...3-20-08; possibly the most complicated Blues Jam ever. The deck is finished. Snow early; go early. (Lost and Found on the new deck:) At 8:15 we lost, and at 10:45 we found. Asked what would I like? I'd like a red-headed gymnast with big tits. So; are you flexible? Drunk bar managers; I got kissed and grabbed (again). Oh; and there was music! All the regulars, and Slick Slim, and Buzz on sax--no Horn Boy. Snif. A 4th set just for me! I'll find the tape, maybe. Stayed up till 4 am, and was only 30 minutes late to work Friday. Yay me. More bands coming, more research to do; 2 To 11 + Broken Cell (3-22-08), and Dangerous Dan's own band Placebo Effect; huge party there coming on 4-5-08. I'm still piecing together 3-20; our big verbal banter line was 'broke the yoke'. Never mind. Somehow I heard "Radar Love" 10 times this night. Z did the best version of "Red Hot Kisses" ever, which reminds me of work...3-22-08; perhaps the curse is lifted (nope). New walks, new reasons to walk. Both bands are obnoxiously loud, and they share the same drummer Jeremy. The crowd loves them; they will be back...To Thursday 3-27-08; jeezus. Met Hawkeye; a famous northwest blues guitarist. He had to deal with me being front and center. Ricky and Mike played their best solos of the year--during Hawkeye's song (no love for the new guy)! Little Nick played guitar, walked with me twice, and then challenged me to drunk pinball. Me! Poor Nick; he just didn't know what he was getting into. I asked Mike what the 'little whiney harmonica' was called, and he said 'Well, from now on, it will be called the "little whiney harmonica".' He played it 3 FUCKING TIMES for me! ME ME ME ME, mutherfucker! I sit 3 feet from him, and he fucking plays for me. To me, it's the same as sitting right in front of Billy Corgan or David Gilmour. Never mind...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is a little hungover today; please leave a message at the beep.
What's different here than in college town: Eugene-based Mycological Natural Products; fresh and dried mushrooms and truffles foraged from local forests, with 50% of their net profits going to forest conservation efforts...I have mentioned that my pepperjack is local Tillamook cheese, right? I'm too hungover to go look it up.
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Henry Rollins came up here and did his spoken word. I could have gone alone, but chose not to. Henry is good, but I hate most people and crowds. Actually, he may have gone to Phoenix, too. I just didn't have anything for this segment...Wait; you DO know there's a guy in Bend, OR who is 5 months pregnant, right? No; I'm not going to explain it to you...
Life with Static Girl: She's doing well with her vacation, and she is making some art. I'd like to see more of her 'art by the inch', but I don't how how to suggest it in a new way...Sometimes (like a girl) I will prance around the house, naked, showing off my new svelte physique--trying to impress her; and she (like a guy) will push me out of the way, and say 'go put some clothes on'. We're a pretty fucked up couple...She eats Clif bars at night; her favorite is Chocolate Brownie. I eat Clif bars in the morning; my fave is Peanut Toffee Buzz. Yay Clif bars, and I introduced my girlfriend to them!..I thought I was a psychotic introvert--until I met her...My yummy vegan girlfriend, Static Girl--maybe you've heard of her, has never eaten a beet. Never! Look for beets in the new foods section! Even so; you can't beet my girlfriend...Guinea pigs! Boo is the smart one (her); she rolls her eyes, and is hard to impress. Twitch is the cute one; she runs around and chirps, and is always grabbing Boo's butt (me, duh)...I brought home a 'date', and my girlfriend freaked out, shut herself in, and I didn't see her again until the afternoon of the next day. MY girlfriend!..She's inter-changing "conducive" and "conductive"; I say they are NOT the same words. We'll play dictionary later--when I'm not so hungover...When I leave the house, I ask my girlfriend 'Are you going to miss me?' She shakes her head 'No.' I suggest 'Are you going to think about me while I'm gone?' She shakes her head 'No.' I inquire 'Are you going to count the minutes until I come back?' She shakes her head 'No.' And then I yell 'That's my girlfriend!'. You people wouldn't understand...We wiped out 3 cans of beets the first night we had them. She likes beets--she just didn't know it...Oh my God--can't believe I forgot about this: Imagine if you could go and smell the shower towel of your dream girl; Natalie Portman, Alysson Hannigan, ?, whomever. It might not be quite as wonderful as you first expect, OR, it might be dream-worthy. I don't know. But I can smell the shower towel of Static Girl anytime I want to. It makes my knees weak, my eyes roll back in my head--I just want to sit down and breathe through it forever; it is nice. I've said before; hippie women WISHED they smelled as fine as my woman...On Friday night, while I clean the kitchen, I also make sure there are at least 6 cans of Coke in the 'fridge for my girlfriend's big Saturday--she appreciates that. I even remember to add "Coke" to her shopping list when I finish off a case...When negotiating public places, her choice is to deal with the fewest number of people possible. Again; YOU probably wouldn't understand--but it makes perfect sense to me...Often it is because OF my girlfriend that I am a genius. She can give me one of her unimpressed looks, or a good eye-roll, and BANG, I figure out shit really quick. She also helps to loosen my brain, when it's too tight, and then things flow better. Never mind.
My FCP has this for me: She left me again; Let's hope she pulls another surprise return. Yeah; um, I'm waiting...She did come back! Woooo; I'm going to call her and breathe heavy. Here; listen. Actually, I left her a nice message. She disappeared again anyhow. She loves me, though...I need my FCP--and I am very lucky to have her. Sometimes I think I can live without her, or possibly even replace her. Ha. No chance. I don't realize how good I have it!..Shit you'll never understand about me and mine: I can CHANNEL my Goddess of a fan club president. She provides enough electricity from cross-country to be theraputic and directional. Worship is a 2-way street. Science will probably find some crap way to explain this eventually, but for now I am merely the coolest guy in the universe...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Musical? I think it's worthy of mention that Robert Plant turned down $200 million (for himself) to tour a reunited Led Zeppelin. You have to respect that Plant wants to concentrate on new music (um, paging Mark K. and Natalie M.)...More music? Billy and his Pumpkins are suing Virgin Records for breach of contract. Is Virgin trying DIRECTLY to piss me off? I will get hands-on (yeah, hands-on somebody's throat) with this, if B. C. asks me to...Presidential? I never even fucking HEARD of a "super delegate" until this month--I actually KNOW that they are making up shit now, but it's too late to start listening to me. Hey; vote for me, bitch--I'll be at a Blues Jam somewhere, channelling Bill Hicks...shhh. News; Sharper Image filed for bankruptcy and should close half their stores this year...Biggest news story of YOUR life, as an American: Chi Mak, a Chinese-born engineer (and naturalized U S citizen), was convicted of conspiracy to export U. S. Defense technology to China. Sentenced to 24.5 years in prison; wtf? Sentenced? We should gut him, and feed the bilged froth to other Chinese conspirators. This story was buried the fuck on page 5; you had to DIG to find it. I am ready for so many explanations, and this would be a great one to start with. Thank you.
A thought to take with you: "The truths we accept are so multiple that honesty becomes little more than a strategy by which you manage your tendencies toward duplicity."--Ann Douglas
"The mind of this country, taught to aim at low objects, eats upon itself."--Ralph Waldo Emerson (in 1837)
Emerson? Okay, let's do one from Kipling then: "I keep six honest serving-men; (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When; And How and Where and Who."--Rudyard Kipling
Band names: Bilged Froth, Intoxicating Fumes, Passionate Accident, Flirt Coma, Aggressive Apathy, Open Zipper Kiss, Double If Maybe, Cheat Notes, Very Difficult Science, (something for Seth Green, c'mon) "Scene Change Genius" (that is so weak--sorry Seth), wait wait wait; "R C Cola!" The world needs some Robot Chicken Soda! (love you Seth!),
Watching: More like "Missing"; where is Van Earl Wright? Did he up and quit FSN's Final Score? That sucks. Somewhere in between Van Earl and Richard Lewis is my stage presence. I would be an obnoxious "store-brand" macaroni and cheese to Keith Olbermann's classy "Kraft Dinner"...Missing? I missed the first CART/Indy Car combo race in Homestead; oh well. I did see Graham Rahall win his first Indy Car start at St. Pete the next week. Nice. I remember when his dad Bobby won his first race; Cleveland, 1982. I am old. Danica wins Japan--you go girl! Outside of the pits, that Kansas race was boring...Countdown's 5-year Anniversary week was excellent; the funny puppet theater recap made me cry twice. "Jesus Christ on a spoon!" Stay the course, Keith...If I could meet Seth Green, my first words might be "Look at me; I'm Fallout Boy!" (Rape Ghost). Or; "Let's go check out some of the other playsets." 33 yr. old Virgin, March of the Penguin; brilliance--on the same plane as In Living Color (1990), or MadTv (1998)...Bones is back, and House; so is Doctor Who(!), Scrubs, too...I watched an episode of the new George of the Jungle; crap! 1 girl is a hood rat, the other is a hick rat. Neither services George, and neither prances around scantily-clad. If not to slut, or to strut, then what is the point of having girls around? Girls should know their fucking role...
Class Projects: Nothing. I do want to watch the Serenity movie again; that's what poor people are supposed to do. Wait; "Farenheit 451" is a book I was supposed to read back in high skool--so I recorded the movie off of Sundance. Watched it with my girl. I wish I had the fucking time to enjoy Sundance...Girlfriend wants to change movie channels again--she can find no good in SHO and TMC. Boo.
Watching and Hearing: The new X-Files movie comes in July...On Sportscenter, during highlights there was some Gran Turismo I music, from the original Playstation. Cool!..Double disappointment; Angels and Airwaves in the Ford commercial; ehh, then Meatloaf cannibalizes his own anthem for a Go phone...Meg on Family Guy, and all over Robot Chicken; hot little Jackie from That 70's Show, and in that new 'Forgetting Sarah' movie--that's Mila Kunis. Mila Kunis wants me! Shhh; don't tell her...Sirius High Powered Hard Rock. Is it called "Octane"? That's our music channel during CSI commercials...
Hearing: How the fuck did I exist before hearing the Femmes' "Add It Up" every morning? And my Femmes fan girlfriend isn't sick of it yet!..John Powell gave me one of his many bands many CD's; this is The Cheeseburgers album "Patio Dance". Wow; this is some really good shit; 'Workin' that Overtime'--hey; I know that bar...Three Penny Needle, GLU, Crumb, Knapsack, "Singles" soundtrack, X-Games Vol. 3 (1998), 3 Depeche Modes, 2 Fat Boy Slims, (went crazy and scoured for 10 minutes to find the 1995) full-length Maids of Gravity (nice), Clapton's 1992 RUSH soundtrack, Make Believe Weezer,
What I want today: Instead of looking to me for your inspiration, or expecting such immaculate wordplay, I want for you to consider me re-fucking-tarded. Okay? If I can clap my hands together, ONE TIME, I want you to start a Rejoicing Parade for me. Give me a Burger King Crown, and let the world revolve around my ass again. Just; um, not on a hungover Friday. Go away...I want to go to Portland's Ground Kontrol arcade and play pinball to lava lamps...
New stuff this month or so: According to all the banners at work; April is child-abuse prevention month. Doing my part; keep the fucking kids away from me--and I will not abuse them...Chess 4? As if 2-player chess isn't hard enough. Ha!..Molly Hatchet played up here, in a casino, first week of April. I got high with 2 of 'em back in 1984, so I'm not going to say anything cute. Maybe. Marshall Tucker is up next; God, we're old...My Boy, MT is recording music with the A-Team currently (Downtown Blues Band), he will also be playing the Olympics, and his voice is ON right now...Tiger Gatorade? Why? Are golfers considered athletes now? When was this decided? Kudos, of course, to the greatest golfer who will ever live; but he's no fucking athlete, okay? Bowlers aren't athletes either..231K miles on Gus...4-20-08: Hit it, and pass it; other people are waitng...This new "Ironman" movie will be Robert Downey Jr.'s best yet; it should have great comedy, and at least 1 Black Sabbath song...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Poor at the Dollar store. My neighborhood Cash King shut down, and I am sad. Oh well; more money for Dollar Tree!
Occupational Hazards: With all the new news, we now call it "Dramaville"; my Barbie is in it, too...oop, and then my drama may have ended. Playground chick, who indirectly sent me on the Violent Femmes rip, is no longer in my picture. Buh bye...Yeah, but a new girl at work called me a "dork"; and since 'dork' is short for 'adorable', I think she likes me..."Authorize This!" (and) "Kiss my Lucky Charms!" came out of me on one hungover Friday...They measure productivity by their little bullshit corporate template--not rocket science. So I kick ass on Thursdays (by their template), preparing to take it easy on said hungover Friday; right? But I kick TOO much ass Thursdays, way too much, and then they want to come and praise the bleary-eyed drunk on Friday. Go away...Well, um...Even hungover--dizzy and drooling, I can produce better than 90% of those call center sheep--and entertain the shit out of every business partner I talk to. Hmmm; maybe THAT'S why they still let me in the building...We use an on-screen notepad to keep track of the vital conversational details (ha) with the busines partners. At the top of my notepad, in the largest BOLD arial font available I keep the words "KILL ME NOW" as my daily inspiration. People walk by and giggle...Oh great. Because of shit like the "KILL ME NOW", I may be building a new fan club at work. Why? Please do NOT encourage me. In fact, just go away...New training for us; more work, longer phone calls, less chance to make bonuses. You know; I think it's about time to pull out my dick and snake-slap some co-workers...Oh! And the lawsuits are coming. Details to follow; shhhh. If I get dragged into some legal shit, I am DEFINITELY pulling my dick out...Ask me about my 7 weeks of perfect attendance (as of 4-26)!..Talking with my Barbie sis; "Stress Obsession" probably prevents more problems than the heartburn it causes. BTW; she is fucking brilliant. She's the coolest guy, ever, in a really hot girl's body...I had a Dr.'s note to NOT work, but was forced to work anyway. So I fucked around and set new records of non-productivity for 2 days...Officer Stafford is my dream security chick. Frisk me, baby!..A (different) recently fired Security Guard at work started stalking MY psycho playground chick. Now I'm getting all possessive over her--how fucked up is that? Stay away from my psycho chick! She should be free to obsess over me. Dammit!..I leave the computer stations in the lunchroom on Bill Hicks t-shirt ordering pages, playfield views of the Getaway pinball machine, and Jeff Dunham.com; I'm fucking kooky like that...I had some deja vu staring at my computer screen on 4-25; does that mean everything is right where it belongs?...4-29-08; pulled off the phone to discuss my 'inappropriate behavior in the fitness center'. Seriously? THIS is what you're going to fire me for? You pussies...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Told my girl that I want my new theme song to be Weezer's "Hash Pipe". Why? Because it's not subtle--it's obvious. She asked what my old/current theme song is; I said "Flagpole Sitta"--Harvey Danger (see?)...(to my DJ/barkeep I said:) "No; I haven't lost my mind--I didn't even bring it with me tonight."...I invented the "French-Kissed Fist" punch-in...I still can't sleep...I don't know how I know half of what I know...This household is going poor for a short time; it will be good for us...193.7 on 4-4-08...My 551 mil Nascar pinball hi-score from 3-25 will stand until...4-6-08, Sunday night, 999 million, with 2.5 hour first ball. Later this night I would fall asleep while eating ice cream, and spill it all over the carpet...193.4 on 4-10-08...Shave Your Head! No? Well, soon then...Soprano's pinball is at my Wednesday night Blues Jam bar. It mocks me...I had a dream about writing a song; simile to the way it was done in the movie "Wag the Dog", and I was waving my arms around and talking to myself; yes, like normal. But I was doing it in front of people. Then (in real life) I went and wrote at the bar--possibly another poem inside a poem, and I was waving my arms around and talking to myself, all in front of people (4-11). Weird...I want to shower in this XXX Vitamin Water...If I spend ALL of my money on beer, dope, and music--does that make me cooler, or more pathetic?..There was a weekend where I got deep into the lower 30's; ha. Get it?..Sauza tequila is BAD for me...Women like to start telling me all about the horrible relationship mistakes they make--I guess it's to show me how easily manipulated they can be. Women are cute, and I'm glad I don't have to "date" anymore...My right ear infected on 4-21; to the doc 4-23. Felt better; 4-23; then went and scored 639 on Nascar pinball...Chickened out at the head-shave; went with the 1/4 inch cut. Yes; I am a sissy; buck-buckaaa...4-26; awoke hungover to mouth-puking my own hummus--now THERE'S some new foods this month for ya (and a band name)...Dude; I've become one of those obsessive-compulsives with 100 post-it notes all over the place (become?)...Does it make the experience of "life" less to learn that it was all planned to be short, suffocated, and incomplete? I think so; I think it sucks overall. But I still like the light flashes, the voices, and the radio stations in my head...I have started doing my recycling on the drive to the bar--multi-tasking...STOP. Pay attention to me; I had to go buy a new clump of notebook paper. Buying notebook paper, for myself, is one of the happier tasks in my life. I am scribbling shit all the time right now--yay me!..Challenged to play 1 ball of Nascar pinball; no extra balls, nothing more than ONE ball. Start to finish; 15 minutes; 71 million. During those 15 minutes, my challenger finished his beer and left. Pussy...
New foods this month: Tofurkey slices on my sandwiches (before we went poor)...Bought my 2nd Monster-sized bottle of the Rooster hot sauce, and now I have learned about local hot sauce...Girlfriend, brilliant and subtle, created a batch of her own veggie boullion rice--hoping I would add pizza and veggies to it. I did, and WE are amazing--thank you...I hadn't made carrot-rice since getting my Magic Bullet. So I made shredded carrot rice, with beets, garlic and lemon. My hard-to-impress girlfriend is impressed...More tofu sponges! 3 batches of them! 4? Maybe 4 batches!..I spilled half a bottle of garlic in a rice pot; oops. Ate it anyway; kiss me...She made more lentil soup--it lasted 2 days; yum...Full-length carrot-cooked rice--good shit...It only took me 2 months to figure out that hazelnut-olive-hummus with garlic is a Magic Bullet simplicity; so my FIRST hummus ever was shit that I made (and later puked). Go me. Erp...When I cannot find my jalapeno/cheddar wraps for burritos, I fall back on the gorgeous green spinach wraps that my girlfriend will sometimes eat...
This month of Blues Jamming: 4-3 comes first; then the Saturday 4-5 party. 4-3 Blues Jam rocked, but the first set had too many of my songs (and the wad was blown). Biker Greg is the best 2nd set drummer ever. Jimmy brought a Delbert McLinton ("Use Me Up" and "Too Much Stuff") disc to play in between sets--awesome! Placebo Effect was incorporated--we'll get them a gig here. It was a fun social night. After party till 4 am--how did I make it to work Friday?..4-9 was Downtown; outrageous. Gayelee, Vicki AND Mike all sang "Nobody's Business" together. The slowed down "Scratch My Back" was tonight's highlight...Thursday night 4-10-08 was a standard excellent Blues Jam; I got the thumbs up to go after my pinball stalker, started a poker game outside (won $10), got Placebo Effect confirmed in May, twice, Skip showed up and drummed for a set (Skip drums every time he hits the keyboards), met sax Chris and his babe dancer girlfriend Alyssia, met + walked w/bongo Diggs, did not make out with any of the 3 redheads (bummer), and was home by 2...Will be back Friday night, after a short hungover day of work, to see Skip's New Orlean's Gumbo R + B show. MT is supposed to appear, too. MT stood us up; Skip still smoked his Hammond. I actually WROTE at the bar--enough to follow-up on! But then I got shitfaced, and was grabbing poker John's ass all night. No no no; 3 women are smiling at me--but I'm grabbing some guy's ass. Maybe 2 guys; yeah, probably 2. I can be a confused drunk...Right; so we cabbed home Friday night--smart boy. What was Saturday? 4-12: Oh yeah; I wanted a quiet night at the bar--maybe some pinball. It was weird energy, and then Rude M decided she wanted me. All I want to do is play pinball. So I turned down my chance for 2 big women; everybody else is all like 'Dude, you're gonna regret missing that ride.' Maybe. But these are friends; and I have been reminded of my standards. How'd I get so fucking popular?..Tuesday night 4-15 at the bar; a client shows up. That becomes a 3 am afterparty glug and puff fest; how did I make it to work Wed.s? How did I strain my neck; from the workout Tuesday?..TH 4-17-08 Westside Blues Jam; no MT, and no Jimmy D. I met local legend Tony Ray--he rocks! Mark H. did 4 sets of harmonica, and was excellent. I forced Zane to play Red Hot Kisses; nice. Placebo Nick got to guitar Speaker Monkey, and I gave him a ride back to the bike path here...4-24-08; Mike and Jimmy are back! Coletrain sang, Ronald rocked guitar and lyrics; Ian never showed, learned about Roger and Jim's (Mark H + Zane?) "The Blue Shades", + The Placebo Effects MySpace page. My pinball stalker showed; I may have grabbed her leg. Okay; I did. I almost got in a fight with a jealous boyfriend--and it would have been primarily my own fault; cooler heads prevailed though, and now THAT guy may be a client for me--welcome to MY world...One Sunday night had 4 walks with 4 different products to sample; very nice. I like those nights, but they make me cough...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is out back, huffing ethanol with some organic-gardening bikers. And, in a parallelled university, I wish I was God right now. Or maybe I am. Jeezus my head hurts. Hey God; while you're out there eating mushrooms and turning other cheeks--can you do something about this hangover?..
What's different here than in college town: Athens had some good hot sauce--alot of it came from Hotlanta (see?). In Corvallis, a guy has invented Nature's Own Seasoning Sauces. I will sample them if I'm not too poor...Turtle Mountain non-dairy desserts. Soy Delicious; 16 flavors of super-premium ice cream...Our local Monaco cut 300 jobs. Yawn...A grocery store nearby has the best onion rings since the Athens' Dairy Queen; circa 1990...We've got this Thurston high school where kids in the transportation technology class build an electric car, and enter it in electric car competitions...Similar, actually; those same chocolate-covered mushrooms all the Spreadheads are eating are also up here (147 people were arrested at a Panic show). I am never more than 10 minutes and $20 away from a serving for 4; thank you...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: On 4-5-08, our Saturday Market started back up. I was at the bar...There's going to be an Appleby's right in front of the Nacho's in our neighborhood; that sucks...The pregnant guy in Bend is getting worldwide attention...We are old! Materials found in caves up here (2003) have been carbon-dated back to 14,300 years ago. It's the oldest human shit in North America...We have Nancy's cultured dairy, and non-dairy soy products...A typical day in this paradise; gloomy, sunny for 30 minutes, gloomy, rain for an hour, gloomy, then dark. I fucking love this shit...
Life with Static Girl: A Spring Break Trim makes me smile! No carpet-cleaning metaphors here; la la la la...I get to eat her cookie bars in the morning--that's mouth sex with coffee, baby!..And then she made some different cookie bars; more chocolatey; and chocolately. Boo said they were a 'different kind of mouth sex'; yes...I dreamed up a new way to celebrate the weekend. Um, stay tuned...She forgot her reusable shopping bags one trip--so she was killing woodpeckers!..I had to buy her some new Woolite Oxy Deep Blue Something carpet cleaner after my pinball/ice cream celebration. In happier times, I get to (no carpet-cleaning metaphors here)...She has been giving me the upstairs bathroom for my A. M. crying and moaning shower fits. I save most of the screaming and cussing for the evening showers. Wetter is better...More that she gives me; the whole big lower fridge door shelf--all mine! Three 2-liter soda bottles, soy milk, 2 of those huge hot sauce bottles, and my water bottle...After she and I went to Saturday Market (Oak, not Olive) to buy pretty plants, I noticed how the chew-marks on her lower lip glisten beautifully in the sun. Yeah; I thought that I had a lip-chewing problem, until I met her...It seemed like the kitchen floor gets dirty too quickly; then I learned that Static Girl frequently swats the counter crumbs down IN to the floor when I have not properly cleaned up after myself. I wonder if she says "Bah." as she does it...Ask me about back-to-back double whammy Wednesdays! No; don't. Just know that she is astounding...Other girls WISH a guy could like them as much as I like MY girlfriend.--And as I typed that, she knocked on my door with a cookie bar for me. That's mouthsex in the doorway, baby!..During a (violent) Femmes head-thrash, I broke my CD case. Tried for an hour to fix it, prayers and tears; but could not. Girlfriend reincarnated it in like, 30 seconds. She's good--I think I'll keep her...I renamed the guinea pigs; Twitcharoo, and Booberry, too!..I told her about how we need to release some of the millions of miles of creative silly string in her mind. I've got great mental flow--I'm scribbling everywhere. She simply has too much free time to utilize right now...I find chunks of her cookie bars in different rooms--I even found crumbs in my own bed. Who is eating my girlfriend's cookies in my bed? Hmmm...Her computer sometimes starts up with this message; "The system is recovering from a serious error." Yeah; I need a t-shirt with THAT on it...I want a Secret Stash. Wait. My girlfriend IS my secret stash. Well; that was easy. Next!..Girlfriend went to a Dr.'s office and weighed 126; yum. Those 8 lbs. she's gained? That's MY good cooking, thank you...I tell my girlfriend 'You know; I was pretty cool even before you came along. But WITH you in my life, I am THE coolest guy ever. Period. Done. Yay. Thank you.' She just rolls her eyes, and squirms away. She definitely wants me!..
My FCP has this for me: Never mind what she has for me; I'm going to tell her what I've got for her!..BTW, my FCP would gladly do real mouth sex with real coffee, too. Hot Lips. She would say 'Anytime is a good time. How about now?' She could be my all-day sucker; ooo, with some iced coffee, too. Iced Coffee, and Hot Sauce Lips. Wait; what were we talking about? La la la la...La la becomes a visual snack; my FCP reminded me that she is shaved smooth. Yum; I drooled! So there will be no carpet-cleaning metaphors for either of my 2 outlets...She helped me to review my own standards for female interest--I had slipped; I AM worthy of the magic--and I should demand magic from any potential sleeve...My back-up bonus babe also sent me some incredible e-mail; complete with sexy sweet and gutter gasps. But it got lost in the netherweb; so some e-cop out there now has his little Elvis singing to words that were meant for me. Lucky him...Staples; yeah, we've got that. My FCP kicked her gall bladder out--all went well; someday she and I will taste each other's staple marks; oooo...G-Spot Minor. Or; "Miner". Remind her. Find her. Get behind her. Maybe I should go take another shower; it's like a "To Do:" list over here...The cover of the Violent Femmes 1982 debut; picture of the cute, long-haired girl in the pretty while dress, barefoot, trying to get a good look through the window at the band practicing--THAT is simile to my FCP...Never mind how we got there and what we actually do with them; but, we have now added "Onion Ring" to our "To Do" list, AND to her list of nicknames. Up next? Pancake batter...We just called our girlfriend a Secret Stash, which is nice. But "Secret Stash" was from my FCP poem in February. Both of my women are; and if I were a girl, I'd want to be somebody's secret stash.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Local police Sgt. Michael G. had all the gas siphoned out of his Police-issued Chevy Tahoe while it sat in his driveway. That's a siphon with big balls, baby...Iran alligned 492 percolating nuclear centifruges; so I'll be going back to the bar tonight--how about you?..36K Wall Street jobs are about to be outsourced; ha...There's new pot called Tom Cruise Purple? Let ME dispose some of it...Las Vegas' foreclosed families are vandalizing their old homes--and good for them. When you're done there, go "visit" that corrupt mortgage company who fucked you...Wendy's and Arby's will unite as one; wow. I've been employee of the month at both of those places; are they hiring?..
A thought to take with you: "To grasp American immigration policy, to the extent that it can be grasped, one need only remember that the United States forbids smoking while subsidizing tobacco growers."--Fred Reed
"Sometimes a radical is just a person who is right 50 years too soon."--Selwyn Duke
One early line of that very impressive song "Life is Beautiful" (by Sixx AM) is "...There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home." In the presence of greatness; we are.
Band names: Snickergiggle + Hot Sauce Lips (FCP), Stay Tuned, Soy Toilet Scrub, Permanent Psychological Damage, Secret Stash (my FCP AND my girlfriend), Hungover For Life (unemployed t-shirt idea: "H U N G O V E R: Now here's a job I can do"), Regurgitated Hummus, Dehydrought, Stress Obsession, (talking about the idiots she works with, my MoM said they display) Pervasive Incompetence, Vacant Lot (new party buddy Jeff), Food Stamps (my new unemployed nickname), "Inappropriate Behavior in the Fitness Center" (catalyst for my new nickname),
Watching: I can finally watch all of those old Countdown episodes, and old PTI's. And some movies. And 30 more Robot Chickens! Hay wait; Countdown, The Soup, and Robot Chicken are all linked up--how cool is that? ONE of those damn shows should hire me on as a staff drunk. Paging Joel Mchale!
Class Projects (Originally intended as suggested viewings proving the downfall of humanity--either conspiratorial, corporate, or feminist. But now it just means things that Static Girl and I watch together): Creature Comforts on Animal Planet is very cute, and Dr. Who is always excellent...Movies? Lars and the Real Girl, Ratatoullie, Judge Dredd, The Dark,; we went and saw "Ironman" at the mall.
Shit I watch alone: Indy Car races. My Reservoir Dogs DVD. Watched the entire 4th disc of Sportsnight, Bill Hicks on Austin Public Access ('93), 4 episodes of John Larroquette from '94, and more--all in 1 night...Went and saw comedian Doug Benson's "Superhigh Me" (A-); loved it! On a movie channel, "An American Crime" was way over-hyped (C-), Saw III was also pretty unnecessary (C-), watched T3 again (B+) (Claire Danes totally wants me)...Amazing Journey--the story of the Who (A) and End of Century; story of the Ramones (A) were both great!..Rentables; Phoenix Lights 2008 Documentary (A), No Country For Old Men (B),
Watching and Hearing: Not me, but most people apparently just sit around at home and watch Youtube videos now. And there's nothing wrong with that; I guess it's better than staring at a cell phone screen--but I wouldn't know about either...B-52's were on a tv show; was it Good Morning America?..Look for Shirley Manson to be in a few episodes of Sarah Connor Chronicles later (Shirley; did we make nice with Butch Vig yet?).
Hearing: I've got this double stack of CD's on my desk; about 20 total. And they're constantly getting shuffled, added to, changed out, and kissed. This is fun...Heard all of Pink Floyd's "Animals" at my bar; nice. And a Skynyrd night, too.
What I want today: Money, Smoke, the new Weezer and Filter CD's, a reunion with my FCP--yes, okay, I am dreaming. Dream on; I want to work at The Soup...
New stuff this month or so: I had a parking lot picnic of Papa's Soul Food...Found a survey site, and produced my new May 2008 Survey.
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Nothing yet?
Occupational Hazards: Ha. It takes employment to have these...Back in my final week of work, my doctor's note requesting for me to have a day or 2 off had 2 misspelled words in one sentence. Apparently Dr.'s don't need no grammar...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Sleeping with no (or "noon") alarm is nice! Getting fired was the best thing to happen to me in months; years maybe...Inspiration? It's all over the place; I'm stack-packing, and spraying the walls right now. I'll have to come back and clean up some of this stuff later...Trying to reconnect with last year's Summer Crush--I'll keep you posted...Psycho Playground Chick is gone for good...With its constant action, lights and sounds: Why don't meth freaks like pinball?..I misspelled 2 easy words in print; "conceive" and "sacrifice". Then I mispelled "misspell". Kill me now.
New foods this month: Destined to happen in my Magic Bullet; we made olive/beet Rigatoni pasta. Yum. Ziti? Penne? How many different names can hollow pasta have?..Another full-of-fiber meat substitute, from Indonesia; Tempeh! I burned my first batch (thanks FCP), but it will get better. Yes; batch #2 was excellent. Our tempeh is certified organic and made locally...Beer is food! From Portland; Oregon Honey Beer...From California, discovered at my bar; The Pepper Plant hot sauce--it's jalapeno-based...Death Valley Chipotle is the name for some new Kettle chips...I'm brewing my green tea again--because it's economical...
This month of Blues Jamming: 5-1-08; low key Blues Jam. NO MT; he's saving his voice for the Friday night show (more later). Met great harp player Michael Johnson--he's also playing tomorrow night. Another drunken blowout. Who knows how I got home? Anybody? Great; I hate you people...After a really hungover Friday; NOT another little fake, pussy, paper-cut hangover. No. I'm talking about crying blood, groan-gargling, shit your pants, can't stop shivering; the kind of hangover that inspires people to stop drinking for a year. Yeah. Got a ride back to the bar to go down to the Eugene Harmonica Blow-Offs (at another bar). It wasn't exactly a competetion (lucky for us); it's just the best harps in town playing in front of the best house band EVER (Skip, Byron, Stan W. and Theo). I finally met, and heard, Bill Rhoades blow harp. Jeezus. I guess there IS one better harmonica player than MT in town. Bill does one song 'No More Doggin', where he gives a triple harmonica lesson DURING the song (C, D, and G). And I hope somebody fucking recorded it. After party Downtown, with the full Wednesday night band, but I came back to the neighborhood bar...5-8? Z-Bass gave me a great new disc of his own shit. MT came, ran sound, brought his current band (the Wed.s night Downtown Blues band), and played all of the cool new music. I got drunk, and more women grabbed my ass. Life is good...5-15; no MT again. First 2008 Blues Jam outside--on the new deck. Z-Bass is running the show again; so I got to hear all of my Z songs. 5-22-08; back inside. 30 minute walk to the bar. MT returns! Great music all night. Man of Steele showed back up; he is not well. 4th set I Don't Care, a tape is promised to me. Drunk again...5-29-08; Wolfgang returns! And all the regulars, too. A good night, many walks, and big plans for Friday night's show with Placebo Effect.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: He should let me fly the rocketship for a few days--there aren't many days left...
What's different here than in college town: 8 pm? The fucking liquor stores close at 8 pm here? Even on Cinco de Mayo? That doesn't seem very "liberal" to me. Athens was a college town in the BIBLE BELT, and we could still buy liquor until 11:30 pm..."Memorey Foam"? At a bedding store close to home, that sign out front does not plant a seed in your MEMORY--it just champions poor spelling...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: I'm pretty sure you could buy booze there 24 hours a day, and they had a Waffle House close by...
Life with Static Girl: Extremely low-maintenance, Limited variety; 10 Years of patience, And incredibly inspiring...My inflatable love doll is getting over being sick...I say she's a hard woman to impress; shorten that to her just being a 'hard woman' (she smiled at that)...I'd heard great things about it, but had never seen it before: After a shower, my gorgeous naked girlfriend was putting lotion on her legs. Wow. Talk about beauty in simplicity; it froze me in my tracks...I would tell my girlfriend if she were good. I would tell my girlfriend if she were great. But what I honestly tell my girlfriend is that she is the BEST ever, and that we are both pretty damn fortunate...My hands are always cold--bad circulation. I thought I had cold hands until I met my girlfriend...I now call the guinea pigs Hungry Hungry Hippos...She let me name her new Birthday Dragon; "Verdella"...Girlfriend got all dressed up to go to the grocery? Turns out that the only clean clothes she had were nice ones--like a guy...She plays this cool pinball machine on HER computer (it won't work on mine), and she has tons of fun, scores millions, but she won't let me play. Grrr...She'll walk by me, silently, but I hear stuff all the time anyway. I'll ask her 'Did you say something?' She shakes her head 'No'. I ask 'Did you hear anything?' She shakes 'No'. And I proclaim happily 'That's my girl!'...
My FCP has this for me: Currently my channelled writing outlet--lucky her. She is irreplaceable; I will stop trying...She is now officially my long-distance girlfriend (as if there was any doubt). Add LDG to her list o' titles. I love her immensely; she is the dream hemp/denim shirt of my wardrobe...And she makes me VERY hungry...She sent me a new picture to drool over...If she needs some confidence-boosting, then I am her man...She's growing her hair out LONG for me; the trick is to request things from a person that the person already WANTS to do...I am coffee; my yummy long-distance girlfriend is able to "enhance" me--like cream and sugar, or even a "filter". Sometimes she is the mug I spill into. I am very lucky...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: China has an Olympic viral infection?..Chrysler promises gas at $2.99 per gallon for purchasers of their new vehicles. And, continuing--probably on orders from the White House, do you see EVERY editorialist spinning $4 a gallon gasoline as a really good deal (compared to other countries)?..Airlines are going to charge you to check luggage now; ha..."Morgellons Disease May Be Linked to Genetically Modified (GM) Food." Sure; it "may" be. How long until science figures out that the bees/colony collapse disorder are caused by GM seeds? Shhh...
A thought to take with you: "People in possession of the truth do not have to impose it on others."--Henry Makow
"We can only reason from what is; we can reason on actualities, but not on possibilities."--Thomas Paine
Bikers at my bar have shirts that say: "Medicated for your protection".
Band names: Blindfolded Sex, Shower Curtain Sex, String Theory, Omlette Stew (Hey! These are all FCP/LDG nicknames!)
SIDEBAR 105
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008
(it probably won't be the FINAL new year, but it might be, so fuck you)
January 2008
(...last month we were...)
Reading: The FOE website, where he says that there is no more art. And he is correct; what with all the selfish, greedy little dropouts doing the Starbucks-stare at their ipodly camera web phones--who the fuck has inclination to paint, draw and write for free anymore?
Heard about this book "Musicophilia" by Oliver Sacks; he concludes that music alone can completely alter your perspective, positively, and even change you. Yeah; the same shit that I've been saying for 30 years--but thanks Ollie. O-Sack cites one good example where a non-music guy got struck by lightning, and then he started composing symphonies--now that's fucking cool. Music IS Magic, by the way.
Big thanks to Static Parents over Christmas: They got me the "Cure The Incurable" book writ by Mikhail Tomback. This is proof of just about every medical and pharmaceutical conspiracy in existence. My diet, exercise program, and attitude are all about to transform.
End o'month, airport fodder; I saw an "Oprah" magazine. I WAS going to open it and read some of it, but then I saw on the cover: "How Not To Look Old". Okay; split infinitives are tricky--I'll grant you that. But avoidance in THIS case is wrong, and it's on the cover of a magazine. It's a fucking womens' magazine; why wasn't 'How to look younger' an option?..
We traded in 8 HBO's ($15), for (the same $15) a handful of Showtimes, 2 TMC's, and the Sundance Channel. We made the right call...
New on the radio; Not new, but from non-profit radio; "The Breeze" is a J. J. Cole song--now you know. Not new, but nice: "House of Blues" is an hour with Elwood Blues (Dan Ackroyd) on Sunday night classic rock stations--check your locals, and demand some Dan...Puddle of Mudd's "Psycho" is okay (good video), Eddie Vedder has a new CD out, Josh Ritter does too, Tom Delonge's punk-poppity Angels & Airwaves sound great. Mudvayne's "Dullboy" is good. Does something sound like new Radiohead? Jeez; I was only gone for a week--wtf happened here?..
Musical Purchases this month: Got (Portland Blues) Paul Delay's 2001 release, "Heavy Rotation" (2 copies of it now, thanks Static Brother); very nice. I see where Hank S. was influenced...So I bought the Angels & Airwaves 2006 "We Don't Need To Whisper" CD with my 3rd full CDWorld stamp book--very good, but not their newest...Dad got me the Layla CD by Derek and the Dominos; circa 1970...
Out and About: Obscure Modest Mouse AND obscure Beck at Wetlands, while trashing Monster Bash pinball. And some great live blues recording at Jackalope while stomping on their Pirates pinball. And Christmas music everywhere.
Singing: GLU's "All Wrong" and "No More Love", a Peter Gabriel montage (6 songs, maybe 7), NIN's "Right Where It Belongs", "Creep"--Radiohead, "Flagpole Sitta"--Harvey Danger, "Baby Love"--Mother's Finest, "Mr. Blue Sky"--ELO, "Spanked"--Van Halen, "Can't You Trip Like I Do"--Filter does Crystal Method, Better Than Ezra's "Good", "Emminence Front"--the Who, MANY Tom Petty/Jeff Lynne songs,
SIDEBAR 106
February 2008
(...last month we were...)
Superbowl Comment: The complete sentence from my October 2007 Sidebar goes like this "Yes; my Patriots look incredible again, and for the 4th time in 6 years I am predicting they will go undefeated. Of course they will NOT go undefeated; no team ever will again." So I am STILL a genius; thank you. Congrads to the NY football Giants, and to Peyton's new moniker as "Eli's brother"
Shit I watch alone; like "The Gamble with our Wastes"; a documentary about how sewage is bad, and it offers alternatives to water flushing (good); "Wag the Dog" (again), and "Elephant". (Don't get caught in the positive hoopla of Elephant; it would have made a fine 30 minute visual documentary. It doesn't even get a passing grade from me; you people are stupified.) Jackass II and Clerks II from Showtime; both were okay again. Showtime Comedy; Gilbert Godfried, and Joe Rogan's 2005 show.
My first self-Amazon purchase was the "Sportsnight" DVD set; it came on 1-22-08. I watched 3 episodes that night (cried like a baby). It's the best show you didn't watch. Static Babe may watch 1 every so often, but this was a completely selfish endeavor. Does it still run as occaisional filler on Comedy Central? I should check.
Commercials: Golden Arches rips off ELO's "Mr. Blue Sky" in a tv ad; Papa John's pizza steals "Freeze Frame" from J. Geils; Lou Reed gets shadowed in a G2 thing--G2 is Gatorade? That Cadillac commercial with Hum's "Stars" makes me smile (I nailed it in 1 second),
New on the radio: Maybe a couple of months past now; have you heard this female-voiced band Flyleaf? They are on their second single now--go Flyleaf!..Sixx AM; Nikki Sixx's new band sounds great; wow. Go Nikki!..New REM is coming in April, and new Goldfinger is out already...I heard Peter Frampton quote Spinal Tap on the radio, and he has his first new music out in 9 years...Not new, but somehow I am hearing Alice in Chains everyday on the radio...New to me! I heard a radio commercial for the Wed.s night Downtown Blues Jam; which is a good idea since I'm the only person there on Wednesday night...Heard good new John Mayer, followed by something with Sean Smith singing on non-profit KRVM..."Everything's Magic" is the new awesome Angels & Airwaves single; more to follow.
Musical Purchases this month: I went and bought the (wrong) Angels & Airwaves CD; 'Whisper' is from 2006. I LIKE this CD--listened to it 3 times (now 7), but it doesn't have any songs I know. I'll get the newer one later; everything's magic. Got the new one I-Empire, and it's good, too. These guys deserve their own commentary--too bad I'm so busy...Wait for another essay on the FIRST ELO ALBUM EVER! It's called "No Answer"; purchased 1-27-08, also bought Cake's Pressure Chief.
Out and About: Took my Against Me CD down to the bar, and it sounded great! Gin Blossoms and Counting Crows at Fred Meyer, Bad Company and Rolling Stones rocked us at Dollar Tree, Greenday and Rod Stewart at Fred Meyer,
Singing: Roger Hodgson's "Had A Dream", a Meatloaf montage, the theme to the Larry Sanders show and "Petticoat Junction", ZZ Top's "Tush", "Only Women Bleed"--Alice Cooper, "Heart of Gold"--Neil Young, "Send the Pain Below"--Chevelle, "Rearranged"--Limp Bizket, "Keep Hope Alive"--Crystal Method, "Bonzo's Montreux"--Led Zep, "Never There"--Cake, "Looks That Kill"--Motley Crue, "3 Strange Days"--School of Fish, "Distraction" and "Everything's Magic"--Angels & Airwaves, "All Star"--Smashmouth, "Cold As Ice"--Foreigner, the Final Jeopardy theme, "Band On The Run"--Wings, 'swimming like a salmon, going upstream',
SIDEBAR 107
March 2008
(...last month we were...)
Reading:
New on the radio; heard some new John Fogerty "Long Shot", and a Leo Kotke version of Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion" on public radio...New Foo and Flyleaf, too. Pharemor?..2 months old now, and "Everything's Magic"--Angels & Airwaves, IS the best song of this new Century. Jeezus; from the first listen, outside at my Blues Jam bar, it WALKS into my top 50 songs of all time. It is also in a new music promo now; nice...
Musical Purchases this month: Still reviewing the ELO debut "No Answer"; so much to learn about Roy, Jeff, and Bev...
Out and About: Twice now I have whipped Nascar pinball to Rev. Horton Heat; also Oleander's "February Sun" at my bar. DJ bartender has also let me play Nascar pinball to 2 Beck and 2 Floater CD's. Nice...Heard Rod Stewart, Chili Peppers, and a third Greenday song at Fred Meyer, ELO and Darrell Hall at Dollar Tree, Olivia Newton John at Fred Meyer,
Singing: "Bird Has Flown"--Deep Purple, (all the worthless Zep remakes have me humming) "What Is And Should Never Be" and "Night Flight", "Joey"--Concrete Blonde, "Everything's Magic"--Angels & Airwaves (over and over and over, bitch), "Sex and Candy"--Marcy Playground (blatant FCP reference), "Buddy Holly"--Weezer, "Last In Line"--Dio, The Roadrunner song (hey, I'm fuckin' sick + delirious over here), "I Don't Like Mondays"--Bob Geldoff (inspired by an old episode of 'House'), "Blister in the Sun"--Violent Femmes, 2 Talking Heads songs,
SIDEBAR 108
April 2008
(...last month we were...)
Reading: Amazing Etherzone articles, everyday; women's movement, value of the dollar, Ron Paul. That's good stuff. I may even get a whole commentary out of this one article about Americans and their "aggressive apathy" toward knowledge and learning. Wait; was it "arrogant apathy"? Ether way, ha, it was the 2nd best best article I read this month...(wait for it)...The BEST article I read this month comes from the FOE website; "Scoping Out Pepe" (March 26, 2008). Oh my goodness; should I grow up, I hope to be able to share my thoughts as well as Mr. Reed does. Can I link to it? No; you find it. Go Google Fred On Everything (FOE) and figure it out.
Shit I watch alone? 'No Country' IS rentable now; wtf am I waiting for? Maybe I'll go get that today. Nope.
New on the radio; 15 years old now; I'm going to make Elwood's "House of Blues" a Sunday night regularity--even if I'm just at home...Was that Kate Bush singing the Cure on public radio KRVM? That's my guess; Kate Bush--but I don't know...More new Mark Knopfler on KRVM...Certainly not new; 3 Ozzy songs in 1 day on 3 different stations; I hadn't heard "Bark at the Moon" in years...Finally heard the new Beck on commercial radio...New Steve Winwood "Dirty City"; might he play some of that on his tour with Tom Petty?..Not new; in fact, it doesn't exist (yet). Yay for Allison Krause and Robert Plant; seriously. Yay. Good for them. NOW let's blow them (the fuck) out to sea. Put Mark Knopfler on a barstool to strum and sing back-up behind Natalie Merchant's scat and improv. Wow. Imagine her liquid voice dripping through his fantastic frets. And that's just right off the top of my head--you people don't pay me enough...
Musical Purchases this month: I'm making my list now; look for some old, studio Violent Femmes first. Whoa. I never even went to CDWorld this month? WTF was I doing; chasing some psycho around the playground? I may need to be punished...Snap! Last day of March, sleep-deprived, depressed, and disorganized, I went and bought the double-disc remake of the first Violent Femmes CD. Blister, Kiss Off, Add It Up, Gone Daddy Gone--it's all fucking here. Also some original demos, some live shit, and an interview. THIS is what remakes should be like! Yay Rhino records. This music was made for heartbreaking, and for the heartbroken. Thank you Gano, Ritchie, and DeLorenzo.
Out and About: Dido, Plain White Tees and the Eagles at my dentist, Honeydrippers at Big 5, I got to pick Van Halen's 5150 to be heard at the bar--very nice...Heard Natalie Merchant at Fred Meyer, and 2 hours later, heard her again on KRVM (public radio). KRVM also plays tons of Mark Knopfler; we may need to give program director Ken Martin the assist in my dream duo of Mark and Natalie.
Singing: "Doin' the Cockroach"--Modest Mouse, "Bye Bye Love"--the Cars, "Down in a Hole"--A in C, "Faith"--George Michael, "Release Release"--Yes, "Stranger"--Starship, "Talk to Me"--Peter Gabriel, "Cut withouth the e"--Taking Back Sunday, "Night in the City"--ELO, "Deep Down I'm Shallow", "OK Nightmare", "Black Black Heart", and (unreleased) "She's Your Problem Now"--Caviar, "Fix Me Now"--Garbage, "Shut Me Off"--Five Eight, "Whipping Post"--Allman Brothers, "Centerfield"--John Fogerty, "Right Where It Belongs"--NIN, "Radar Love"--Golden Earring, "Gone Away"--Offspring (Atom Willard drums in 2 of my favorite bands--thank you), 3 Fat Boy Slim songs, "Another One Bites The Dust"--Queen, "Up The Creek"--Cheap Trick, "Free For All"--Ted Nugent and Meatloaf,
SIDEBAR 109
May 2008
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I can't find that "arrogant apathy" article to save my ass; it was NOT Etherzone...My new favorite Sunday editorialist is Garrison Keillor. I clip it every week and send it to my Mom...Those "Darwin Awards" are from (tabloid) The Examiner--I didn't know that...
New on the radio; Soon--new Filter in May! And Korn should be reuniting with their original line-up. Lindsey Buckingham just released his first new music/DVD in like, 12 years...New Weezer? Sure; why not? New NIN? What? Why didn't somebody tell me? When and how?..The Who is going to do an album of covers--what Springsteen song will they cover for the new boss? The Who should do a contest to pick songs for their remakes; do a Crystal Method collage, and I want to hear Roger Daltrey sing Nickelback's "Rock Stars", and Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy"...BTW; radio FCC didn't demand a do-over of the Who's "Who Are You". Television demanded the do-over before the song could be used in the back of CSI. Fair enough; it just sucks that the real version (with two f-bombs) isn't used anymore...New REM? Not my favorite band from my hometown; but their first CD in 4 years is EXCELLENT--go check out the back-to-basics of "Accelerate"...Shirley Manson's solo project already crashed and burned. Earth to Shirley: call Butch Vig, and make nice--now...Apologies; wtf did I call them--Pharamore? Oh yeah; I'm smart. The band is "Paramore", and they're touring RIGHT NOW with the rekindled Jimmy Eat World; best of success to both worthy bands. What else can I misspell?..AC/DC in a farewell tour?..New in general; my barkeep/DJ played Mendoza for me--they fucking rocked--they may be local?..What are these Flowbots that sound like Cake? And where is Cake right now?..Not new; but I found the actual Dr. Demento show Sunday nights at 7; then H o B at 8; nice...Heard some old 10,000 Maniacs and then new REM in the same hour, after a H o B one night...Crue-Fest! Nikki Sixx ripping up shit in 2 different bands; definitely worth checking out...
Musical Purchases this month: Mid-April, and I'm still dizzy on the Femmes. Well; the Femmes, and partying 6 nights a week. And I'm poor; after all the booze and dope--I have a MUSIC problem, too; thank you. Shit; CDWorld even has a 6.99 sale. I remember when you could get new vinyl records for 6.99. Do LP's really cost $300 now, or was that some Amazon misprint?..
Out and About: Budokan Cheap Trick in the cafeteria at work, and the next day I walked in to REM's "Nightswimming". I thought that was a very obscure song--for fans only. Apparently not; cool. I should make them a 90's disc of shit to play down there--I could do that...Firefall, and Air Supply at Fred Meyer; then more Air Supply at Albertson's--does Air Supply suddenly make people spend money?
Singing: Radiohead's "Creep"; I scream-wrecked it at the bar--not karaoke, more like kar-LESS-aoke. Violent Femmes, everyday, my song is still "Add It Up", "The Impression That I Get"--Might Mighty Bosstones, "Child in Time"--Deepest Purple, "Shadow of the Day"--Linkin Park, "Self Destruction Pt. 1"--NIN, "Betty Lou"--Bob Seger, "Bye Bye Love"--the Cars, "Pump Up The Volume"--Marrs, "Soak Up The Sun"--Sheryl Crow, "Dog New Tricks"--Garbage, "Bittersweet Symphony"--The Verve, (someday I will get my dick sucked to) "Don't Let Me Get Me"--Pink, "Semi-Charmed Life"--Third Eye Blind (you know I was the first person to EVER play that song on the radio, right?), "Second Hand News"--Fleetwood Mac, "Eyesore"--Fig Dish, "Maybe Baby"--the Cars, "Think I'm in Love..."--Beck and Jeff Lynne, "I'm Not Afraid"--Fleming and John (and Ben Folds), "Tuff Enuff"--Fabulous T-Birds, "Out Of The Blue"--David Gilmour, "Fat Old Sun"--Pink Floyd,
I weighed 193.4 on 4-10; scored 999 mil on Nascar pinball (4-6).
SIDEBAR 110
June 2008
(...last month we were...)
UNEMPLOYED
Reading: I can finally catch up on my newspaper reading...Spent an hour searching for that mysteriously disappeared "arrogant apathy" article; I was going to write a response to it. But not now. Fuck it man. "Busy work", like trying to find this article, is for the other scurrying cockroaches--not me. I'll do my busy work in the gym. I was trying to pay tribute to a decently organized (if not well-researched) commentary about the attitudes of people today.
Queen in a Carnival Cruise commercial, Heart in a Honda ad, INXS selling Toyotas
Huh? My Garbage 2.0 disc has developed a scratch on "Special". How? It lives in my CD player.
New on the radio; heard some of all 3 new ones I want (NIN, Filter, Weezer). H o B, 5-4-08, tribute to Jeff Healy, who passed in March, 2008...5-11; Mom's Day--no H o B, Barkeep played his new Raconteurs CD (very nice)...I just don't listen to the radio so much now.
Musical Purchases this month: I've got no job; no income. The CDWorld sign says 'come get the new NIN, Weezer and Filter CD's, Doofus'. (I hate it when the CDWorld sign calls me names.) So I went and bought the double disc of 36 new NIN instrumentals "Ghosts"; interesting.
Out and About: Chicago at Fred Meyer,
Singing: Everything Everything
Spit Bucket (Joel compliments Tila),