New Vegetarianism


Summary: Yes, we are doing a summary first--I get lost more than once in the following commentary...Arguments can be made, HAVE been made, by ME, that all evil germs can be killed if you cook meat long enough. Maybe. But if the original animal you're cooking now lived on a diet of poison, then we have a whole new list of problems that are completely unavoidable--that's the point. Hello! What is done to the animals is ruining the land and water for everyone. Since we have better choices to avoid the meat poison now, one would be crazy to just keep eating what the tv commercials tell us to. There; la la la. All done. There is absolutely no reason to read this dumb commentary now.

And this is all me; I have no help here; nothing I'm adding on to, and no place I'm starting from. I'm going to scramble around a few things, reset the music, and then start pounding. Yes; it IS exactly like masturbating--aren't you lucky! "Hey ya'll, watch this!"

First thing; with the women teachers screwing the jailbait boys in school. And this new teacher in WA kidnapping a 10 yr. old boy for sex (TEN!). People used to call me a pervert for liking to WATCH girls' high school soccer, and those girls are 16--and could probably kick my old man ass. I'm not over here looking at 10 yr. old girls, and thinking 'Ooo, I want to hit that.' TEN! Ten? Do 10 yr. olds have sex now? Damn; I must be out of the loop. And perhaps I have a natural preference for younger women of consenting age (16 was age of consent when I was in GA)--it's not me trying to pick up/kidnap fifth grade girls for sex! So; fuck all of you! If I AM a pervert, then there should be more responsible perverts like me. There; I feel better...Let's talk about another passion; food!

Farming: So; there are no more "family farms"; it's all factory farming now. Google Howard Lyman (The Mad Cowboy) on your own time, and go watch all 3 versions of the animated short "The Meatrix" on the internet--or it's a bonus feature on the easy-to-rent movie "Fast Food Nation" with Greg Kinnear. (I'd like to sit down with Greg, and Avril Lavigne, and ask them how their diets have changed since making that movie.)

I tried out vegetarian for "funsies" back in the early 90's; I was broke, and close to homeless. Vegetables are/were very inexpensive, and kind of boring, but effective in fighting hunger. And just so you know; people don't throw away burgers--they throw away french fries. So I found myself eating less flesh, and more veggie-type items. We can make fun of me in my 20's later--I'm trying to prove the point that in late 2007 (today) we have many more options for a non-meat oriented diet; thank goodness. I'm jumping all around here.

Let's try for some common sense, dancing around naked, even though it's really early: Common sense tells you that there are worldwide problems with tainted meat. (There are at least 3 national meat recalls going on right now; one of them involves "food" on the shelves of stores in MY town.) Common sense also tells you that you have NOT heard about any news or new ways to make meat safer for human consumption; no new ways to test it either--in fact, by now YOU (the intelligent consumer) know that less than 2% of your meat and dairy is EVER "examined"--for anything! It's up to YOU, the consumer, to do the 'testing' (here; taste this). You also know that the corporations are running everything, and those dealers don't even use the drugs that they sell (that's a scramble, and you were warned).

I never really cared about the suffering of animals in years past, because I bought into the media idea that we are all just 'lucky to be alive'! You know; 'play the hand you were dealt'. 'Some suffer so that others can shine'. But I'm not going to do this all with cliche's. Animals (maybe) exist to benefit humans; we are the top of the food chain, and therefore we get to make the rules. That wasn't MY idea, but maybe you should go back and watch Denis Leary's "No Cure For Cancer" again (in a good and just world, he would be correct). Damn, I keep getting off track. I didn't used to care if Porky or Mayflower ever saw the fucking light of day--they're going to grow up to be bacon burgers and baseball gloves! I don't live on a farm, and don't care how farms work. Fuck the farm animals. Are they unhappy with life? Then let them revolt, and sail off on ships like we did from England 230 years ago (my old response). Grrr. But the farm animals DO suffer in ways that you don't want ME to describe, bitch, and the food that is fed TO those farm animals is poison; killing them, infecting our water supply, and contaminating the ground we all have to share. So; right there!..

Right there is where the "New Vegetarianism" comes in for me. It's the fucking food being fed to the cows and pigs! It didn't bother me that dead chickens were being ground up and fed back to the live chickens; shit, that sounds good to me--sounds like recycling. But then all those hormones get added to chicken and cow feed (there was good explanation of some of this in an X-Files episode back from '94 or so), yes--stay on the poison track: after the hormones comes the poison--because farmers feed/dumb animals will eat anything, and it runs through them, contaminating their bodies (are you gonna eat that?), then also contaminating the ground, and then the water WE drink. (We're going to have to go conceptual now:) And then we get sicker, too, which brings in the whole corporate pharmaceutical side of it, saying 'Eat more of our pills, and eat another cheeseburger, bitch; it's American!' And the corporate politicians, paid off by the corporate pharmaceuticals say 'We grow our own meat in America--not China; now chow down.'. And then the advertisers lie, cheat and steal to make it look safe and kid-friendly; do you SEE how fucking skinny the new Ronald McDonalds are? Does that bother you at all, Omniverous Skywalker, (talk about distractions) or are you more concerned about your salary, mortgage, current relationship/penis size, or sports team? (stay on subject) You shouldn't HAVE to worry about the safety of your food, too; the media gives you enough to worry about already. Don't they?

Man; this is tough. I am not "happy" to be a new vegetarian, okay? I am pissed! I did not CHOOSE to be here. New Vegetarian is only my response to this current insanity--thank you. Some poeple I talk to are all like; 'my kid is sick, my car is dying, my job sucks, and I can't worry about food right now'. Right. How "lucky" I must be to NOT have a wife/kids/mortgage/debt. It ain't "luck", bitch; it's about the choices made. This whole worldwide societal clusterfuck is about to go "boom".

Fun stuff from Sidebar 102:

"Hello Vegans? Hi; I'm dating one of you right now--and yes, you people are nuts. Just wanted to mention 2 things that would solidify your cause; an (1) adequate cheese substitute, and some (2) soy milk chocolate. These are MY ideas, yes, but I no longer give a shit about getting paid for them. Make these happen, you skinny fools!"


"What we fucking need is some "vegan grease" for the fake fucking sausage shit. THERE'S a whole commentary in one sentence. More? What; I tried these new Gardenburger fake chicken patties--they fucking taste like hand lotion. Wow; now I miss the old cardboard taste--it's like they're not even trying sometimes. One other kind of fake burger was sort of salt-flavored. That's all I could taste; salt. Seriously; it was like eating a nosebleed. Pray for these new Morningstar sausage link-looking fuckers I found. There are also these other little sausage patties, and they are slightly above average (yay). I may become a Vegan Bully; wtf are you lookin' at?"

On the radio, I used to yell "Horse, Water, Drink", because some people are so stupid that you can explain things to them, prove yourself correct, and then they just keep on doing WRONG whatever it is you're trying to help them with. So just imagine my explanations and the horse-water-drink phrase added at the end of every sentence; "HWD". So; you know that the factory farmers only care about maximizing profits. HWD. You know that the politicians, the medical conglomerates, and the fast food restaurant owners only care about maximizing profits. HWD. The ground, and the water, and some of the food on the shelves of this normally very cool hippie town I live in--are all contaminated. HWD. There are no consumer groups testing food, and the USDA was proven to be a bullshit 2% representative sampling oversight many years ago, and the producers KNOW which 2% is going to be examined; duh. HWD.

That's it; I'm done. You have options now. The vegan riblets, vegan bacon, veggie burgers, and vegan versions of so many other foods you have known your whole life are available. There is at least one shelf of your grocery that has some of these vegetarian options. They are not cheap, and they are not all tasty. I have said before: "They don't have to BE pretty; they just have to BE there." So; will you respond to any of this?

And guess what? None of this means shit. The world is totally fucked anyway; I doubt that God is going to be sympathetic to any obsession with soy. God; The Original Hippie In Hemp Clothing, is not watching us anymore. If YOU think that choices made now might make a difference in the final tally, then by all means go vegan. I am leaning in toward the vegan side because I don't condone cruelty. And in my future plans of creative cannibalism, I am now bothered by the idea of consuming poison-fed human bodies.

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