Moto Video

It has recently been in the news, and in ads for the devices, that CRT screens in the back seats of cars can keep children entertained and quiet. "Let 'em watch a video, you know, instead of bothering you." And you people, let me clarify; YOU fucking dumbass people, actually LET these commercials continue. And some of you have bought these things to keep your own kids quiet.

You may wonder if I have an opinion on this issue; and why would I? Ain't no fucking kids riding around with me, and there won't be any, either. I don't know exactly what kind of moron would put a tv in the vehicle--and if I knew one, then I would stop talking to that person. I'm not going to wait around for some idiot to try to make sense out of this horrendously bad decision. But if I were to have an opinion on this issue, it would go...something like this:

No way. You wanted the kids; so you wanted to spend the next 20 years answering stupid questions to disrespectful and ungrateful offspring of your own. The tv may help you to ignore your children at home, but we're not going to drive around with it. Sorry. The best views of your life come from looking out of a car window, and now you want to take that away from your own kids. Fuck you. Personally, I think you need to spend MORE time talking with your kids--not less. In fact, you need to spend every waking hour of your miserable life with those kids you wanted so badly, AND the other idiot you chose to make a family with. And don't ever let them stop talking; chatter, blabber, whine and complain. The noise never ends for you, pal. And there's no vacation time, no down time, and no away time. Day care is out, too ("daycare" is a whole subject matter by itself). Are we having fun yet? Isn't 4 hours a day of televisual stimulus enough for your kid? All of this...just to distract your own children. How about you? Don't you think it's possible that you might be slightly distracted by something on the tv, while you're driving? How brilliant would you be then? Yeah, here's some free advice; be the adult here. You don't need a fucking tv in your minivan, SoccerMom. Know what you need? Some more Fisher Price music; or possibly the latest 'Smack My Bitch Up' rap song that your young, angry teen is convulse-twitching to.

I can not save you...I can't even save myself. I don't even care about "the family unit". But I will say this; unless you do WORK to keep your family hinged together under many layers of media-induced superficiality, then we will ALL be sitting in cars and watching bad tv soon enough. Alone. We'll have tunnel vision with headphones on. Is this what we have worked so hard for; tv's in the Volvo, and the front of the 'fridge (don't get me started)? Are we progressing as a singular race of humans? Can you imagine what God must be thinking about us right now? Oop, I shouldn't have gone there. I hope my ambition, or lack of it, will drive me further than having a video screen in my car. Get it; "drive"? Ha. Okay; I'm going to the bar now.

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