This took a few tries, and it's still choppy. Fuck you. Go away now.

If I Had A Gazillion Dollars

(I'd still eat Kraft Dinner)

"Gazillion" is a Dr. Dude pinball machine reference, by the way.
Visualize. That's what you're supposed to do in the early stages of getting from point A to point B. I remember an employment-promotion vehicle of "Be, Have, Do". The idea is that INSTEAD of asking the boss 'what do I have to do to get promoted?' you (be) act like those who are already promoted, you (have) show how you have the same attitude and attention to detail as those who are already promoted, and you (do) will get promoted (because you're already doing it). Sure. Visualize.

The idea is to figure out how you will change if you suddenly find yourself NOT living paycheck to paycheck (although 85% of us do--USA Today). There are certain aspects (or most) of my personality that will not change, ever. However, I will acknowledge that much of my 'tude has been framed while living on a very limited income. Coming up soon--I will flip a switch, awaken the giant within, light bulbs will go off, and money will no longer be an issue someday (poof)--it just hasn't happened yet. But I have an answer for that visualization. I'm even going to stretch out, against better judgement, and give you TWO answers. And although they are fairly revealing, I don't mind sharing them with the internet--they're both going to LOSE money, okay?

Here ya go: a bar with toys, and (much later) a radio station. That's it. That's all. I know you were hoping for more from me, but that's YOUR problem. The bar would be an exclusive club not open to the general public. It is still the most grand sportsbar I ever imagined; huge--it's like a small city. My Sandbox. Stupid, huh? You don't need any more detail on that--because it is, after all, just a bar with toys. 3 girlfriends from years past all said it was an incredibly stupid idea, and lacking ambition; a bar with toys. And they're right. So shut the fuck up and leave me alone on this one.

Right, right; but on the way TO your "Sandbox", W C, what will you change in your daily life? Change? I'll keep wearing comfortable clothes, drive (or be driven in) unexciting hybrid vehicles, and remain fairly invisible. I'm no real estate wizard yet, but maybe I'll buy property for pennies, and lease it from myself--how hard can it be? (Do you own, or rent? "Yes.") As for dedication: Creative fitness (how's that for a sex reference?) will become co-primary, with food preparation becoming my other area of interest (Wait; you want to cook?). Distractionary entertainment, and eye/hand skill-sharpening exercises will be a major focus. As for sidebars; I might make a couple of movies, bust that dumbass perpetual motion myth, and there may be a few other scientific endeavors--just for my own amusement and proof, but overall I will be pretty boring. I won't be on the talk-show circuit, or doing any infomercials. So boring will I be that I won't even change life-partners. No Penthouse Pets or mail-order nymphos for me; I'll be keeping my Static Girl. I might add 1 more Goddess into the mix, so maybe I won't be monogamous, but I DO promise to be dualogomous (?). Most women I know would be honored, shocked, and quite pleased to hear their man say this about them. Why are you still here? Didn't I already tell you to go the fuck away?

Much later...IF there is so much money that I can afford to invest offshore and live off 6 digits of interest every month, and I am donating lots of dough, anonymously, to worthwhile charities, THEN we'll get back into radio. Also I will philanthropize a dozen or so starving artists by allowing them to "work" at my old-fashioned live DJ radio station. I'll pay outrageous wages, like $100 an hour, to music-lovers who are willing and able to adhere to the extremely limited duties of broadcasting in a drug-free environment. The DJ's need not be drug-free in their own time--just sober in the workplace. In order to work for me, you will have to test positive for pot; but pot only. I'm serious; it'll be like NORML radio. Shit. Now that's the type of idea that somebody might steal on the internet. Hey; fuckin' go for it. I'll donate to NORML radio--and I wanna work there! C'mon, after all, it was MY idea. KPOT radio west, and WPOT on the east coast. Even the sober people I know would listen to it. Wouldn't you? Fuck yes you would--you miss real radio and real DJ's. Corporate radio is "outsourced" radio--run by bean-counters, and it sucks! Wow; good analogy there, big guy. Dammit; I knew this would get me off track. Look at me here; all waving my arms around over my head and shit. I need to go make some damn money. Get outta the way.

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