I Don't "Hang Out" / A 5 Paragraph Essay

Hello. I am the most boring person in the world, and I do not wish to share it with you. I don't really like people, and I don't "hang out". I don't even know what "hanging out" is--in the non-literal sense. If I want to go somewhere, or do something, then I do it. And I usually have a purpose. And I usually do it alone. People apparently want to be around me, because I am constantly being asked to go somewhere or to do something, or to come and "hang out" (snicker).

Back in Athens, GA, I used to go to this place called "Steverino's". People assumed that I liked to "hang out" there. Did I? I went there to play pinball (and later on, Golden Tee), and to watch the 50 inch Zenith tv. I would only sit down to watch tv when it was "Southpark" or the Superbowl. In 10 years of frequenting that place, I think I sat out on the patio 5 or 6 times total (and 1 of those times was my going away party).

Now, I know people who can go to a bar, and just sit there for hours on end. They read the paper, write on napkins, engage in small talk, and drink heavily. Some of these people are my friends, but that doesn't stop them from being alcoholics who sit at the bar. I may be an alcoholic, okay, but I'm not just sitting there; and I'm not hanging out. Perhaps I'm an "active drunk"; is that a real term?

Sometimes people ask "Why don't you come over and hang out?". This is the part that I really don't get. Here I am at home, with all of my cool stuff, and somebody wants me to go over to their place. As if their stuff is cooler than my stuff; maybe, I don't know what they're thinking. I don't ask people to come "hang out" with me; that's for sure. TPG does have cooler stuff than I do, but I have a key to his place; I can come and go as I please (mostly).

So; don't ask me to come and hang out. You obviously don't understand the semantics of "hanging out" (it means that a male is not wearing underwear). Get to what is REALLY on your mind, and suggest it. However, do not ever assume that I will be sitting down, Tarzan-style; I won't. I will be wearing underwear, and doing something. Thank You.

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