You may have figured it out. Somewhere in the scope of being the"Overnight" Guy, or of hating morning time and sunlight, or of liking stimulants; there are countless good and healthy reasons to NOT like it; there's the metaphorical parallel to sex, there could be a genetic link (both of my parents are java junkies too)--I don't know; we can stay here and rev this thing up as high and hard as you want, but I LOVE coffee. Let's not mix words or soften the impact in a politically correct fashion. Let's be straight up front about having a caffeine addiction, drinking too much; loving the smell, taste, bad breath; with full acceptance of the "coffee heartburn" that happens often (it's good pain). Coffee is my "abusive relationship"; it hurts me, but I love it and keep going back for more, more, more.

Talking about a real drug problem is not bragging. Acceptance and understanding the nature and domain of the "Beast" is very important in dealing with any dilemma. I drink alot of coffee, and have no desire to stop. You can make coffee illegal, you can tell me that it's poison/put poison in it, you can try to trick me into not drinking it any way you want to. I will keep drinking it though.

I drink coffee on weekdays from 6:30 am until 11 am. We go to lunch at 11 am, or I'd probably have another cup or 2. That is an average of 7 cups a day (56 oz). However, I don't even start counting my cups until my fifth; so my 7th cup is rationalized as my 2nd cup, see? "Cut me some slack. Hell, I've only had 2 cups of coffee today."

I consider coffee a tool. It is the only good part of the awaking experience. Coffee is not a dessert, and originally it was not meant to be mixed with alcohol. Good coffee is not always a treat for the taste buds either. Coffee must contain an implied element of danger and/or bitterness. It COULD burn your face off, or it MIGHT make you puke; but either way, it WILL stain your sissy white shirt. Got it? God damn I want some coffee. Where was I?

Coffee can be rated, graded, and styled out so many different ways that sometimes a person can get confused. For example, go look at the coffee aisle of your local store. Every brand has multiple sizes, colors, textures and strengths. Personally, I find that the name brands are worth the extra money. Believe it or not, we are finally getting to the original point that I had for this tangent.

Straight up name brand coffee is weaker than it used to be. If you want the good stuff, you can't just go with the standard red Folgers or the standard blue Maxwell House (although both are decent). Luckily, every major brand has a "Colombian" style--usually in a brownish can. This is what you want; the brown can of death. Experiment and have fun. I have yet to have 'bad' Colombian coffee. The only decision is which one is right for you. I have made my decision:

When you are ready for an amazingly consistent blend of slightly above average strength yet still incredibly smooth coffee, I want you to buy some Maxwell House "Colombian Supreme". Folks, I have been out a little bit past the edge of sanity, and I have come back to tell you that THIS is the coffee you want. This coffee survives the pitfalls of human error; if you accidentally make it too weak--it's still tasty. If you make it way too strong--it's still drinkable. It is coffee for the "measuring impaired", the "morning blind", klutzy idiots, or even for the inexperienced coffee-maker user.

Normally I would hope for some kind of compensation for blatantly promoting a brand like this, but not this time. I just want the product in my kitchen; I already even have an emergency stash of it. So now when people ask me what kind of coffee I like to drink for over 4 hours a day, I jump into my announcer mode and say "Maxwell House Colombian Supreme; that's the brown can of death for me".

Back to Homepage