Children in 2004: My Newest Rant (June)

Understand that you cannot sell me on any aspect of wanting children; not one. Women are so cute in their natural nurturing to think that children are great investments of...whatever. Women are a joke, and so are the men that give in TO them. But I'm not here to rant; really. I'm here to share.

And I don't make this shit up, okay? I have worked with many people my age and older who have kids. Not all the women, but all of the men at least say that if they had any idea what they were getting into, then they would definitely go back and NOT have children again (Now use some common sense here, and remember that I bring out the inner pervert in ALL people. No man is going to say TO his dumbass wife that he doesn't like his own children--that'd be suicide. Talking to me is like being alone in a bar and talking to the bartender; it's not real life. But it is fun to see these guys squirm and agree with me in retrospect...) They say 'The expense, the disrespect, the defiance; what was I thinking when I walked into this drama that is "parenting"? And their mom is no help, blah blah blah.' I even pretend to care, sometimes. Let me ask YOU--whomever you are: Do you remember being a teen? I sure as fuck do--there was no hope FOR, and no talking TO me; I said then, and still say now, that I will NEVER be parenting, thank you. If I had THAT much free time, then I'd teach myself how to play the damn harmonica. And parenting does not come with a pause button, by the way. Strippers, junkies and rock stars think it does, but it does not.

Then I'm watching a little of this movie "Last of the Mohicans" on the warped tour with my girlfriend. There's a scene, and I probably don't have all the details correct, but it looks like an Indian type guy is on top of, and about to kill an American type guy. The Indian says 'And not only am I going to kill you, but I'm also going to take the knife to your children, thereby wiping your seed from this earth.' And I had a revelation right there, but not a nice one.

See; I don't like what humans have done to this planet. Adding more humans to it is only a bad idea--I don't care what your logic is. In fact, I don't even want to share in the blame for how poorly we have responded to this whole "existence" thing. Wipe my fucking seed from this physical realm. I don't want to be here, and I don't want any part of me left here when I go. Imagine; not a trace of me will be left here. The winds of time will eventually erode whatever footprints I make, and it will be as if I never even existed. Now that's what I want. You fucking people don't deserve to have me around, and I'll be gone soon enough.

Oh, wait, I fake like I'm happy to be alive. Do you hear that music? There's a mental jukebox constantly playing in my head; I wouldn't stop it even if I could. I use humor to break up daily human trials, and people really open up to me--sometimes way too much. Hell, everybody I get near wants to know me and be my friend--and after 30+ years of it, that's really starting to piss me off, by the way. People like to stereotype each other, either by tasks or personality, so they usually label me as "fun". People need an Overnight Guy like me in their lives, maybe, but I never agreed to be popular. Shit; what was I talking about? Children.

I AM a children. I am ALL the children. That's 39 years YOUNG! I have questions, okay? (Bill Hicks said "Let's get this 'food : air' deal figured out.") Let's get this whole existence thing better organized before we go around popping out ANY more crying babies; I AM the crying baby here. What happened to YOUR sense of reason; mine appears to be working fine--I'M trying to think of solutions, see? I could be/could have been part of the solution; I TRIED to be part of the solution, but you people don't want a solution--you selfish, greedy, abusive fucks! I'm tired of it all, and I just want to go far, far away--from you AND your children. Erode my footprints, and wipe my seed, baby! Thank you. And kiss my ass.

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