Are Men Necessary?

A relatively intelligent, relatively attractive woman decides to emphasize her brain and creative writing techniques. She goes to secondary school, and does all the things necessary to become a scholar and writer. Good for her. This woman, Maureen Dowd, is now a complete success in both of her attempts to better herself. She earned college degrees (or, at least one), and she writes editorials; she makes good enough money from the world of newspaper-based media that she has thrown herself into.

Either every media-body already knows this (unlikely), or I guess it must take a college flunk-out like me to see what's really going on here. Excuse me while I swim through all of this useless secondary school knowledge and clear this up for everybody:

Maureen Dowd worked very hard, for years, to become the the type of woman that smart men stay far away from (kids; construct your own wine/vinegar simile about bitterly aging). We have WELL-established that ol' Maureen took the wrong road if her plan was to land a "college professor" type. She had NO intention, and still has NO intention of finding a man now, or ever; what is so confusing here? What Maureen wants is...another book deal!

"What's Wrong With Me--just because I'm a bitchy, argumentative, soured hag--THAT means I can't have a great man?" would have been a much more accurate title for her new book, but there's no controversy; no "girl power", and no talk-show circuit. Instead; she named her book "Are Men Necessary?". Credit where it's due; what a brilliant ploy to confront the male media mind--in your face, guys! Cha-ching! And look at the uproar! Every male writer is taking pot shots at her. Every woman is holding up an..."Oprah Power!" fist and agreeing with her. Maureen Dowd, currently single, is a marketing genius. And she is going to make so much money that she can buy a different male escort every night for the rest of her life. Or; she could buy the SAME escort every night, for the rest of her life, and THAT would be (pretty much) the relationship she's looking for. Right? Don't worry about Maureen; she's good. She can have some old, wrinkled up smart guy who wheezes through his dentures, or she could get a biker with tattoos up and down both arms. She can choose to sleep alone, or she can choose to sleep with entire hockey teams--it's pretty much her choice. Pity party; sobs for old Maureen.

Maureen Dowd; I salute you. You deserve the type of praise reserved for visionaries. And to all my fellow upset male writers, I say: Save your best insults. You will need them in about 18 months when Maureen comes out with her next book "Tell Me Again (Because I'm just a dumb woman); Why Exactly Are Men Necessary?"

Shhhh. I know I'm right. Shhhhh. It's a simple oversight; she sucker-punched you right in the place you least expected it. She just took out the Death Star with an X-Wing fighter. She's the female Luke Skywalker; don't hate her, just be aware that you are in the presence of greatness. Okay? Let her go and "buy" whatever relationship she wants--just like we do. Now; can we go back to talking about football? I've got the Longhorns beating USC, AND I've got Vince Young winning the Heisman. Wanna argue some more? I don't care how many games Peyton's Colts win this regular season; NOTHING else matters until the Patriots lose a playoff game. The Patriots are 9-0 in playoff games this century.

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