Anti-Aging Scream Dream Cream

("Scream Dream" was a Ted Nugent album back in the 70's, by the way)

You will know for sure that I didn't make any of this shit up, because I don't do any of the "hang onto/bring back your youth" stuff. Unfortunately, it is my generation of 35-59 yr. olds that made billionaires out of hair-piece makers and anti-aging creamers. Hell, somebody in my precious demographic remembered that sex is the root of all marketing, and a small group of us came up with Viagra (the first "trillionaires", perhaps?).

Face-lifts and cosmetic surgery existed before the year 2000, but just barely, and mainly in California. Nowadays there's a tummy-tuck doctor and a gaggle of fake un-fatties in every neighborhood.

People of my age, this entire culture (perhaps) is obsessed with youth. People want to look younger, be younger, and date younger than themselves. It's a mess, and it's getting messier. Face-Lifts-R-Us is just around the corner, where you can take a number and get on the waiting list to pay money, lots of money, to have less skin and fat. Mmm-mmm. I'm getting hungry.

I laugh at all of these losers. I giggle at the players who play, the quacks who perform, and the surprise victims who wind up in bed with an unwrinkled prune. Or is that a de-wrinkled prune?

If all of your friends went to Europe and had lamb cells injected into their veins, would you? Really? And the liposuction, too? Would you wear a wig to fake out members of the opposite sex? See; I don't understand you (and don't want to). In my world, you rich, old artificial farts are no different from the stupid high school kids who shoot up steroids in order to be 0.4 seconds quicker in the 40-yard dash. You're all risking the future for some limited immediate gain. You are completely pathetic; flailing for some lost element of youth, and throwing money at the problem-AS IF that's all it takes.

My hair is thinning, and I love it. If I ever do achieve a true splotch of hairlessness that I can measure, my lifelong promise is to shave my head. I have gained some weight, too. I'm probably at least 25 lbs. heavy right now. My (once) pretty face is starting to wrinkle, also, and I'm proud of all of it. I still look okay, and I ONLY date younger women anyway.

In fact, I only date younger women who are not obsessed with how they look. All of my women for the past 20 years have been natural beauties; and I do mean all of them. Static Girl is the best example, and the most recent example, yes, but she is only one of many beautiful girls who do not wear make-up that I have dated. In general, all women have a natural beauty; and real women already know this. Real women don't have to advertise anything, and this "confidence" (or total lack of concern) makes them the best package deal. But don't take my word for it.

Can you imagine unwrapping your snuggle bunny to find a bald woman with fake boobs, lipo-sucked with nip and tuck lines, and fat rolls on her ankles? My dick shrinks up just thinking about it. And I'd definitely go take a shower to hide from that bad experiment; a nice, long shower.

So what is my point here? Deal with yourself. Quit trying to "beat" the natural cycle. You had a heyday already, and if there wasn't enough "hey" in it, then that's your pathetic life. You can't change your worthless memories with an artificial future. And if this simple logic isn't enough--then go get a puppy and try out some unconditional love, you scalpel geek.

Blow me.

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