1.What time is it? 11:24 pm
> >> 2.Name exactly how it appears on your birth certificate: As if I actually knew or cared...the last name is probably "Davis". The first 2 names start with "W" and "C". Maybe I should give you my social security # too, so then you could completely wreck my life.
> >> 3.Nicknames: TH2, Walter, Overnight Guy, the Cute One, the Drunk One, the One You Were Warned About, Monkeyman, Crash, Crash and Burn, Burn, Fizzle, the Meat Patrol, Captain Cunnilingus, Pinball Wizard. That's enough for you.
> >> 4.There was no #4 on my e-mail, and I feel cheated. (W C)
> >> 5.Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: in 1998, with my last cake, I was 33ish.
> >> 6.Date that you regularly blow them out: 8/9
> >> 7.Pets? They won't let me have pets after my last cookout.
> >> 8.Height: 72 and a half inches
> >> 9.Eye color: soft blue
> >> 10.Hair color: disappearing brown; short and thin
> >> 11.Piercings: Piercings? You mean like 'holes and metal placed in my body--on purpose'? Oh yeah, that's me. I am Piercing Man. The Bills will win the Superbowl before I pierce some element of my body.
> >> 12.Tattoos: Here's another good one: tattoos. Tattoos are for sailors, bikers, strippers, and their children. No thanks.
> >> 13.How much do you love your job? As much as my piercings.
> >> 14.Birthplace: Some po-dunk place in Southern Illinois.
> >> 15.Hometown: Georgia, I guess. Get it? It's a joke. You asked for a town, but I said a state--because I'm from Georgia. Never mind.
> >> 16.Current residence: the map says Arizona
> >> 17.Had the drink Calypso Breeze? What? Never heard of it.
> >> 18.Been in love before? I have. A brilliant waste of energy.
> >> 19.Been to Africa? No; do they drink Calypso Breezes there?
> >> 20.Been toilet-papering? Yes, and egging, appling too. One time I peed on a guy's head after he, uh, never mind.
> >> 21.Been drunk? Maybe once or twice.
> >> 22.Been toilet-papered? Yes. Sometimes I wipe with it, too.
> >> 23.Loved someone so much that it made you cry: That's what love is, right? A bunch of unnecessary and unappreciated emotion that builds to frequent boiling points and fits of rage. Did I mention the stupid poetry, the total lack of common sense, inability to see obvious things, and the wasted time? Why don't you fall in love with my ass?
> >> 26.2 doors or 4 (on a car): Mine has 5 doors, but it's not a hatchback. Kiss my ass (the one that you love).
> >> 27.Sprite or 7-up? Hmmm, bad breath or heartburn? I'd rather drink a Sprite and breathe on you than drink a 7-UP and have to clutch my chest. Sprite!
> >> 28.Coffee or coffee ice-cream? Yes, and lots of both. Damn I'm hungry.
> >> 29.Blanket or stuffed animal? What's my motivation? I mean; are we sleeping, dancing, masturbating, what? Reluctantly I'll go with 'blanket'.
> >> 30.Dumpee or dumper? Hold still while I squat.
> >> 31.Salad Dressing: One time I was in a coma, and I sat up and screamed "Ranch Dressing". So either I like it, or it haunts me.
> >> 32.Color of socks: Who in the hell is looking at my socks? Do they match?
> >> 33.Favorite Number: I have many favorite numbers, and explanations for all of them. For now, we'll go with "815". (Pronounced "Eight-Fifteen").
> >> 34.Why? It's a long story.
> >> 35.Place to be kissed: Well, let's experiment! Let her start working her lips and tongue in my mouth, and we'll see what happens.
> >> 36.Movie: ??? Caddyshack
> >> 37.Quote from a movie: "You'll get nothing--and like it!" Also: "A Cinderella story; here in Augusta...it's in the hole!"
> >> 38.Foods: I like food and all, but I don't really plan around a meal. I look at it like: whatever is readily available, requires the least time and effort, etc. But if I must nail down a food or two for you: Barbeque and Chocolate.
> >> 39.Day of the week: Today. Whether it's great or horrible, today is all you have.
> >> 40.Song at the moment: Well I've been on this Nine Inch Nails tear for about 5 months now (I think), and I am currently very big on the third song from the "Further Down the Spiral" album; it's called "Self Destruction, part two". On the radio, the best song of this year is still "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down.
> >> 41.Tv Show: West Wing
> >> 42.word or phrase: "You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred."
> >> 43.Favorite Vacation: There's that word again; "vacation". I still haven't grasped the concept yet. But I am looking forward to going to Area 51 sometime.
> >> 44.Most watched Kids movie: I don't like children, so why would I watch their movies?
> >> 45.Toothpaste: Expensive, natural stuff that tastes like cardboard.
> >> 46.Flower: weeds and mushrooms
> >> 47.Least favorite subject school: History. You weren't there, so why would you care? Research is showing that history is not only boring and irrelevant, but it's also just lies told by the winners.
> >> 48.Favorite Alcoholic Drink: I would choose beer. But if we have to do a real live bar drink, I'll be slurping a Captain Morgan's and Coke with Dax V.
> >> 49.sport to watch: Female floor-exercise gymnastics, or men's hockey. (Gotcha! You weren't expecting a real answer, were ya?)
> >> 50.Type of ice cream: Pralines and cream, or Jamocha Almond Fudge.
> >> 51.Sesame Street character: Animal (the drummer)
> >> 52.Disney/Warner Brothers: Disney has more stuff, right?
> >> 53.Fast Food Restaurant: Golden Arch me, baby!
> >> 54.When was your last hospital visit? I can't remember.
> >> 55.What color is your bedrooms carpet? Tan; with spots of candle wax, coffee and coke stains.
> >> 56.What was the name of your childhood blanket? Ask my mother; she'd probably remember something like that.
> >> 57.How many times did you fail your Permit/and or Drivers test? Passed my driver and forklift operator licenses on one try.
> >> 58.Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully working for the aliens in some capacity that allows me to cause great amounts of pain and suffering for my few remaining fellow humans. Oops. I meant to say "I want to work for the people". Or be dead.
> >> 59.Who is the last person that you got an email from besides this one? My mother.
> >> 60.Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Not yet.
> >> 61.Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? An electronics store like Best Buy or Fry's. Maybe even Wal-Mart. Tell you what; why don't you let me borrow your gold card, and we'll see?
> >> 62.What do you do most often when you are bored? Answer dumbass e-mails, dream of solutions, and talk to myself (sometimes I sit in my room--stare at the wall, and mumble "it's almost time" over and over).
> >> 63.Name a person who you are friends with that lives the furthest > away? Furthest away from what? Don in east Georgia.
>> 64.Most annoying thing is: Trying to pretend like I care. No. Trying to keep the voices on the inside of my head. No. I don't know.
> >> 65.Bedtime: When the bars are closed, you're coughing blood, the sun is coming up, and you hear the first sounds of tomorrow morning's traffic.
> >> 66.Who will respond to this the fastest? a bored computer nerd.
> >> 67.Who is the person that you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Anybody with a life.
> >> 68.What time is it now? 1:41 am.
NAME AS IT APPEARS ON YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE: "Kiss my hairy white ass." I happen to know that all it takes is a name, and "they" can erase your life completely. The trick is not to put your name in this answer, but rather, something that defines your personality. Me? I chose to moon you. See how fun this is?
BIRTHPLACE - some little drunken hick town in southern Illinois
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Book? Um, Calvin and Hobbes "Lazy Sunday Book". Wait, I'm still dabbling in "Beyond Prophecies and Predictions", and "The Edgar Cayce Companion". Those are books, right?
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A flat, smooth, beautiful small world of purple. TPG bought it for me. If there was a "Super Chicken" mousepad, or one of his trusty sidekick "Fred", I would have that.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? - I'm sitting here, looking at this stupid-assed question, and just trying to remember the last time I PLAYED a board game. And then I try to remember what a board game is. And I remember finding a neat backgammon game in my closet, years ago, but I couldn't remember where the little chips go (I think one row has 5 in it). And there's one little dice, and one big fat dice thing. And some chips are missing. And then I wonder "what the hell am I doing here?", kind of like...now...You know, maybe if this were a multiple choice question I could ace it. Wait...Drunk Spades, Spin the Shotglass, and "Hey, let's pee off of the balcony." Those are bored games, right?
FAVORITE MAGAZINE? I'm still upset about board games, and now you want me to read a magazine? Isn't there a magazine called "Barely Legal"? I've haven't seen one in years, but I sure would like to. I like the articles.
FAVORITE SMELLS? #1 is illegal. #2 is illegal. #3 is uh, never mind. #4 would be some variation of the word "panties".
FAVORITE SOUND? - I have always been partial to the bells in the beginning of the Pink Floyd song "Time".
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Waking up on the floor of a bathroom stall in a bar with 2 foreign guys laughing and pointing at your face.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Either "Where am I?", "Why the f**k am I still here?", or "COFFEE!!!".
ROLLER COASTER-- You people still ride those death traps? Have fun, I'll be at the bar.
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? You people still answer your phone? Jeezus, what is "call screening" for? If I want to talk to somebody, then I will call them. If they don't answer, then screw 'em.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Not really. I like to swerve in front of the speeding, cell-phone talkers and hit the brakes. I'm kooky like that.
FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT- The (original) Taco Stand on Milledge Avenue in Athens, GA. The one downtown is okay. The one on the east side is not as good.
STORMS--COOL OR SCARY? Don't screw around with a pissed-off Mother Nature. Respect the weather, and call a bad storm "scary".
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Ha! The first thing I drove was my Dad's Datsun King Cab truck. The first car that was mine was an Opel Manta that I totalled in 2 days. Then, after months of rehab, I went back and wiped out my Dad's King Cab, too. About a year later I somehow wound up in a Cutlass Supreme. Guess what happened? I'm a gud driver, wan ride wif me?
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? It's a 4-way tie for "Bill's". In order; Bill Hicks (dead comedian), Billy Corgan (living musician), Bill Clinton (living magician), or Doug Flutie (football player for the Buffalo Bills).
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Boring old beer.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Leo.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Stems rule. I have typed, and erased, 3 different paragraphs for this answer. But it all comes down to those first 2 words.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? First we have to find a huge radio station that is not corporate (good luck), and then I get to run it from 10 pm until 6am. I get to program the music, sell the ads, and just do it any damn way I feel like it.Talk about a dream come true.
EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Oh, do you want to see my sensitive and vulnerable side now? Bite me.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Considering that most glasses in this scenario would begin as full glasses that are presently BEING emptied (like a glass of BEER), the natural trend is to say that the glass is (becoming, or has become) "half empty". However, YOU can sit and debate the positive or negative response to this until we're all worm food, you moron. I'll be at the bar.
FAVORITE MOVIES? The first 7 are movies from my childhood; Caddyshack, Star Wars, Arthur, Hooper, Animal House, Terminater, and Rollerball. As for movies after 1990; Clerks, Mallrats, Demon Knight. Is that enough for you to see a trend? 6 comedies, and 4 science fictions.
ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY? - righty
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE CORRECT KEYS? Define "correct keys". Isn't the point to spell things pretty weel?
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? High school yearbooks that I could not care less about, and sports cards that I will someday sell for drinking money.
COFFEE OR ICE CREAM? Hey, I don't wake up screaming for ice cream, okay? I don't make my initial morning stagger to the "ice cream" maker, allright? There are not 3 different kinds of ice cream in my kitchen. I'm going to let you figure this one out all by yourself.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? - The one that opens the safe! In 1 digit numbers, I like "3", because there are 3 girls for every guy on this planet. In 2 digit numbers, I like "69" and "18". In 3 digit numbers, I like "815".
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football is the best sport to watch, because it constantly has breaks in it--so you can second guess plays, keep conversations going, and leave the room constantly without missing anything.
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU- Only one? She likes Bill Hicks.
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Lori, from Tifton, GA, responded to this first AND best last time, so I hope that she will again. But she might actually have a life by now, I don't know.
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Be serious, now. I sent this to about 50 people last time, and only 4 sent it back. I just hope that it will shake out some creativity from the cobwebs of anybody who was in a slump--like I was. Thanks Kris!
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