This is a (really cool) pretty dumb idea that I came up with while (masturbating) setting up Sidebar 35. You HAVE a CD collection; it is important to you. YOUR CD collection is set to show (like TPG's beautiful rack with 375 cases facing), or YOUR collection is set to stack (like my 18 crates/boxes); whatever. YOU know what CD's you have--even if nobody else knows exactly what YOU have.
From YOUR collection, YOU only get to take 1 crate of 50 CD's to the holding area where YOU will wait for the aliens to take YOU to their slave planet. These CD's you take will be the only ones that YOU will get to hear for the rest of YOUR miserable and pathetic life. No being or deity is going to judge YOU for the 50 YOU take; only YOU.
This exercise is an easy way for YOU to recount the CD's YOU own, appreciate them, and look back at the last 10 or 15 years of YOUR life. Here are the 3 wimpy rules: only from CD's that YOU own, only store-bought CD's, and double-discs count as 2. Pretty easy rules, huh? Yeah; I'm trying to not confuse YOU here. Compilations, Tributes, and soundtracks are obviously a good idea (Consider the Blue "Dazed + Confused" soundtrack, the Jimi Hendrix/Depeche Mode Tribute albums--but only if YOU own them!). Ready? Let's go...
#1 Dark Side of the Moon--Pink Floyd|
#3 + #4: Chronicles--Rush (double)
#5 Wish You Were Here--Pink Floyd
#6 Hip--Hazel Virtue
#7 Siamese Dream--Smashing Pumpkins
#8 Mixed Up--the Cure
#9 Blues--Jimi Hendrix
#10 Brand New Worries--3 Penny Needle
#11 Romance is a Slowdance--Crumb
#12 That's What Love Songs Often Do--Fig Dish
#13 4-song Toaster--Fig Dish
#14 Empty--God Lives Underwater
#17 Stone Free: A Tribute to Jimi Hendrix--various
#18 For the masses (Depeche Mode Tribute)--various
#20 Version 2.0--Garbage
By the way, after 20 CD's you should have a real idea of how your musical life is going/has gone. Are you trapped in a particular decade yet?
#21 + #22: The Fragile--Nine Inch Nails (double)
This is from 2002, right? I think that this should be like a will; where you get to update it every year, or every 3 years. Stay tuned...
Hello! We may keep the rules, sure--well, some of them, but we're sure as hell gonna bend 'em around a little bit. 50 CD's, and all store-bought; that's so 1999. Jeezus. I was still computing on that HP shoebox back then (2002), and working at Infinite Marketing. Thank goodness I've grown up a bit. Not much, but a little.
We'd drop Meatloaf, Dire Straits, Jimi's Blues; then Steve Miller, Boston, and Zebra if need be. This shit gives me heartburn.
Let's go ahead and throw the small fit now:
50 fucking CD's don't even cover the bottom of a red milkcrate, dipshit! Listen up Bozo brain; 2 rows of 29 regular sized CD cases across the bottom would be 58 total in the bottom half of a milkcrate. The idea was to cover the bottom of the milkcrate, but just the bottom. so we could still sling the thing around on the alien slave ship without losing any. So; you wanna update the collection after 3 years? Fine. Reference writing and snuggle music; oh, you're so clever--I'm sure you're a big hit with the ladies. If you were smart, you would simply name the ones you missed before (Everclear), and the whoop-te-do new ones you want to add (Caviar + Dream Life Misery), then--and only then, go back and figure which ones you might drop. Keeping the Fig Dish Toaster was a statement; remember? And you'd better fucking keep that Toaster. Keep that first Fig Dish, too.
Yeah, okay. So I wind up with 4 (Fig Dish/Caviar) from Blake Smith, 2 (3 Penny Needle/Dream Life Misery) from Doug Heffernan, 2 Everclears, throw in a Matthew Sweet, a Shawn Smith, a Monster Magnet, and we're pretty much done. That's 58. It's pretty anti-climatic from all the screaming and yelling up there. 2 Blake Smith Caviar's (2000 + 2004), 1 Art Alexakis Everclear (2003), and 1 Doug Heffernan Dream Life Misery (2004); this is my view of the store-bought music world in this new millennium. Oh, and across the top of the 58 CD's, possibly duct-taped to the edges of the others, there will be a couple of the Crystal Method discs that my FCP sent to me. I'll give those to the aliens first, so that can be the driving music for their spaceship. In my spaceship, or my space cycle jet-ski, or whatever the fuck they'll let me cruise around in, my first driving music to share with new intelligent life will be Deep Purple's "Perfect Strangers" (from 1984 and #34 above); possibly the best driving music of my lifetime (ask any real roadie down here). Oh; you want a list? Fine; we'll make the fucking list:
#51 So Much for the Afterglow--Everclear|
#52 Slow-Motion Daydream--Everclear
#54 The Thin Mercury Sound--Caviar
#55 Closest Line Theory--Dream Life Misery
#56 Sweet in Low--Matthew Sweet
#57 Dopes to Inifinity--Monster Magnet
#58 How to Operate With a Blown Mind--Lo Fidelity Allstars
(#56) Matthew Sweet; here's the problem: I want to take (all 3) "Girlfriend", "Devil with the Green Eyes", and "Sick of Myself" to the little alien 20-somethings up there--they deserve it. But these 3 songs are on 3 different CD's...We have gone with "Sweet in Low" because we have to pick only 1.
(#58) I have, like, 6 different Shawn Smith CD's (2 are autographed, ha!); from 3 different bands. The latest one I have is the Lo Fi one (1998); I don't even know what he's done in the last 6 years. Hey big Shawn--ain't heard from you since 1999; would it kill you to e-mail me and say 'whassup'?
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