4 Surveys From 2007:

5? Really? Yes, actually.

And one of them is a 2-parter,

So this is actually:

5 and a half Surveys from 2007

A Survey For February 2007

From a MySpace Girlfriend

37 Off The Wall Questions to pass the time

Pass the time? Who the fuck needs to pass the time? I'm sick; laying out of work for the 3rd day in a row today. The only reason I'm here is because I haven't done a survey thing in months. I don't need to 'pass time' because I don't have enough of it. If I get an extra minute, or a freak day off--like today, I catch up on e-mails and listen to weird music; like this "God Says No" Monster Magnet CD right here. Bite me.

1. What Curse Word Do You Use The Most?

"Fuck if I know" is the way I answer a question when I neither know nor care the answer; so we'll go with the "F" word today.

2. Do You Own An Ipod?

Fuck if I know what an Ipod is (see?). Back in the 80's preppies wore shirts that were "Izod", but I bet that's not the same. You're talking about some portable music playing thing, aren't you? Yeah; I have a Sony Walkman from 1982 that STILL plays cassettes. But I quit using it in 1987 when it ate my Deepest Purple tape (ooo, and I was pissed). People who go around with an ear bud listening to programmed songs all day long are missing the "escape" factor of music. That's their choice, and good for them, but they miss part of the grand scheme.

3. What Person On Your Top 8 Do You Talk To The Most?

I don't have a top 8; is that some MySpace code for popular people with Ipods? Just look at how concerned I am.

4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To?

8:15 am on the 3 mornings I workout before work; 9:15 for the other 2.

5. Do You Want To Fall In Love?

Again? No. How old is the chick who came up with this survey? I mean; guys don't sit around and wonder stupid shit like this.

6. Do You Wear Flip-Flops When It's Cold?

Chick shit. Some chick MUST have invented this survey, but I'll keep going. No; I wear only closed-foot shoes, at least mid-height.

7. Would You Rather Take The Picture Or Be In The Picture?

I'd rather not be involved with the picture at all. In my life there have only been like, 4 good pictures of me ever taken.

8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?

Rest Stop; a psycho serial killer, straight-to-DVD movie that was okay, but could have been so much better. I should be making movies and music; creating links between both, and reinventing soundtracks. But you idiots didn't want me to fix anything.

9. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?

I have eliminated most of my "friends". All the people I know that are near my age have children, except for my main girlfriend and FCP.

10. Has Anyone Ever Called You Lazy?

Everybody calls me lazy; what kind of weak-assed chick shit survey is this?

11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?

I wish.

12. What Cd Is Currently In Your Cd Player?

I have 8 CD players within reach; 1 is playing this Monster Magnet, 1 is empty, 1 has School of Fish; the 5-disc player above me has the first 2 Garbage, both NIN Fragile, and the Depeche Mode tribute.

13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?

I no longer drink nasty cow milk, but you go right ahead and moo all you want to, little girl. I prefer vanilla soy milk, but the chocolate is good, too.

14. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?

Me? No. But I've got a secret for you, little girl: You are going to bleed.

15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks?

Stupid chick shit. Grumble grumble. The last time I had fucking Starbucks was in 2002 when my girlfriend took me to the Starbucks inside our Safeway grocery store in Phoenix and bought me a cup--we did it ONE time. It was okay coffee; but it cost over $3, and I make better shit at home anyway.

16. Can You Whistle?

Yes, and I whistle alot. I might even whistle up your leg--if you're lucky. Out in public, I like to whistle guitar solos--because it confuses the hell out of people. And if I DO learn the harmonica (finally), and start carrying one around with me--look the fuck out!

17. Are you afraid of ghosts?

There were obviously NO men involved in the creation of this survey. Afraid of ghosts? No; sorry. Lost and tormented souls follow me around constantly; they are annoying and distracting, yes, but they do not scare me.

18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?

I know they do. And that's fine with me because it's much better than talking TO most of those idiots.

19. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child?

Cartoons? I loved cartoons as a kid. Yesterday I watched 4 episodes of my Family Guy boxed set. And today I watched an episode of George of the Jungle, on VHS tape.

20. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To?

Is there a movie worth knowing every line to? I know many lines to Terminater and Caddyshack.

21.Have You Ever Done The Dirty In A Field?

I don't think so. Did it in the woods once. Wait; swing-and-a-miss! I tried it on a grassy knoll one time, but my equipment malfunctioned.

22. Have you seen the updated Chuck Norris Facts list on GoofyAuctions.com?

I remember Chuck Norris from the pre-Walker days. What's GoonyAuctions?

23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts?

Yes. My life is a band t-shirt.

24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing?

Tabasco, bitch.

25. Is Anyone In Love With You?

You chicks are so deep and introspective. After all the women who have lied about being in love with me, I will say NO. Nobody is IN love with me.

26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes?

Yes; I take pride in my cooking and cleaning.

27. Ever Cry In Public?

Every day I make people cry in public. Me? Not so much.

28. Are You On A Desktop Computer Or A Lap Top?


29. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoo?

Not today, thank you.

30. What's The Weather Like?

Cool and Dark in here. Outside? Fuck if I know; that would involve opening a door or window, and I'm not that interested. What? Sheesh. Allright; hang on...It's very cold, extremely dark, and pouring down rain; it is a gorgeous day here in the pacific northwest, and thank you so much for inquiring. There; is that a more socially graceful answer?

31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?

Hey chickie chickie; I've never seen a girl covered in tattoos. Wait; like Courtney Love? No, I would not date Courtney Love, but thank you so much for inquiring. I am loving this totally chick survey; ooo, maybe I am IN love with it. Ooo.

32. What Did You Do Before This?

I was e-mailing some (bad) pics to my FCP, then reading online news sites, and a couple of articles at Spin Magazine. Went to check for underage girl hits at my MySpace page, Jackpot!, and found this girlie survey. This is like, what; a 7th grade girls' survey? "I'm 12, and I want to fall in love with a boy covered in tattoos." Yeah; do another survey later and tell us how that turns out for you, princess.

33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?

Chickie chickie must be more specific here; do you mean: slept on the floor on purpose, passed out on the floor, woke up on a familiar floor, or woke up on a strange floor? I plead the 5th. Wait; what kind of 12 yr. old girl sleeps on the floor?

34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?

What exactly is "function"? I can do a day on 4 hours sleep.

35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily?

Yes; I've been eating a banana and a Clif bar lately.

36. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced?

My days are full, and I determine the pace.

37. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box?

Calories? No; fat girls like you read about calories. Ingredients are what concern me.

February 2007 Survey #2

1. What is your middle name?


2. How big is your bed?

Queen-sized. It's a 2004 Spring Air "Bear's Choice" pillowtop; 15 inches deep, 6 ft. 6 inches long. My bed fucking rocks; ask my girlfriend about it.

3. What are you listening to right now?

Speaker hiss; a computer fan, lava lamp bubbles, the wheezing in my throat and lungs; I can almost hear the ocean roar in my dying left ear, and I am presently in-between CD's of choice. I'm leaning toward pulling out the 1996 "Three Penny Needle" CD.

4. What are the last 4 digits in your cell phone number?

Same as my IPOD. Cell phone--that's cute; I wouldn't own one. "...5-3-0-9"

5. What was the last thing you ate?

One of the killer turkey, lettuce, tomato, and onion sandwiches I make--on Static Girl bread.

6. Last person you hugged?

My girlfriend; she is the only hug that matters now. Period.

7. How is the weather right now?

Cold, dark, quiet; beautiful.

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

My mom; it's Sunday. Get this; my mom actually has 2 jars of that Peter Pan salmonella peanut butter, and she's already eaten half of one.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite (or same) sex?

Hair style, and facial expression. (My girlfriend just lets her hair fall naturally, which I find very attractive. And my girlfriend has a natural scowl on her face--which I also find very attractive.)

10. Favorite type of Food?


11. Do you want children?

No thank you; the world has too many already. If I did want children, I would just go pick up a little girl at the mall--like I used to do. I am ALL the children that my life will ever need.

12. Do you get high?

Not like I used to.

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?

Maybe once or twice; not lately.

14. Hair color?

Light brown, and thinning.

15. Eye color?

Soft blue

16. Do you wear eye contacts?

Ha ha. You're cute. No. Maybe YOU should go put some small, round, sharp pieces of glass directly into your eyes. Tell me how that goes for you.

17. Favorite holiday(s)?

Christmas is always good to me.

18. Favorite Season?

When is fishing season? June, I guess.

19. Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

Not lately.

20. Last Movie you Watched?

I have to skip work to watch movies. Wait; girlfriend and I watched this worthless crap movie called "Broken Flowers", with Bill Murray.

29. What books are you reading

I need more time to read, too. I'm dabble-reading this self-help thing about positive thinking. And I skim "Meditation for Dummies".

30. Piercings?

None on purpose; but I did wear a halo brace, so I understand the attraction.

31. Favorite Movie?

The first Terminater; 1984. I would SO wreck Linda Hamilton. And it's okay, because my girlfriend thinks she's a babe, too.

32. Favorite College Football team?

Georgia Bulldogs first; the rest of the SEC is second. The SEC just had a brilliant year in 2006, thank you. And isn't Florida champs of football and basketball right now? And isn't LSU the only team that can beat Florida right now? Yeah; it's pretty well proven that the SEC rules the universe.

33. What were you doing before filling this out?

Getting some satisfaction at the self-service pump, baby. Don't fucking ask me questions unless you want the answers, bitch.

34. Any pets?

1 Guinea pig.

35. yahoo?

I still do mail there.

36. Dogs or cats?

Dogtown for this Z-boy.

38. Favorite Flower?

Purple-ish; violets, maybe. Something toxic.

40. Have you ever loved someone?

Loved? Yes; I have loved before. Could you be more vague?

41. Who would you like to see right now?

Wow. You COULD be more vague. I'd like to see...Cindy Crawford. This survey already made me want to see Linda Hamilton.

43. Have you ever fired a gun?

Not often enough; hold still.

44. Do you like to travel by plane?

Who LIKES to travel by plane? That's just stupid. But not quite as stupid as the airports you have to go through to get TO a plane.

45. Right-handed or Left-handed?


46. If you could go to any place right now where would you go?

Right now? Right now I would go to Amsterdam, where it's 10 am tomorrow, and the hash bars are all open. Hooka smog; pass me a hose. Fire it up, and put on some slow blues music. Got the visual?

48. Are you missing someone?

I'm missing a few somebodies right now--in Amsterdam. Keep the visual.

49. Do you have a tattoo?

"Not yet"; that's a great answer. That's the answer the awesome girl before me had. You can't beat that; I don't even have to make a snide comment or anything. Thanks T.

50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?

No; I usually get up and do housework on Saturday mornings. Or get up and go back to the bar. Or maybe just lay there hungover. Lie? Okay; "lie" there hungover.

51. Are you hiding something from someone?

Oh absolutely. I'm hiding me from you right now.

52. Are you 18?

Way past. 18 would be my minimum age for dating.

53. What is the wallpaper on your phone?

Same as my IPOD. Wallpaper? Could I get a Dali painting? They sell Dali posters down at CDWorld now; I'm going to buy at least 2 of them.

54. Did you get enough sleep last night?

This morning I got about 4 hours.

55. First thing you thought about this morning?

I was still awake this morning; I thought, "Wow--after I call in sick to work, maybe I should get some sleep."

56. What do you have handy at your bedside?

Water, gum, a clock radio, and a note to myself that says "Get up you fucking loser!".

57. Grilled or fried:

If somebody else is cooking; grilled. If I'm cooking; fried.

59. What makes you unique?

My voice, attitude, and perspective.

60. Are you afraid of the dark?

No; dark is my friend.

61. Favorite hangout?

Right now I love 2 bars; pinball, video golf, and many tv's. I'd also like to throw some darts, but that doesn't happen so much here.

62. 3 Things you canít live without?

Food, music and sex. (In my own words; "beer is food")

63. First thing you will buy if given 4 thousand dollars?

I'd buy a little something nice for the person who gave me the $4K, and then I'd stock up the homestead.

64. Favorite song?

My top 20 are somewhere on this website. My #1 song is still Pink Floyd's "Time".

65. What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid that I know too much about this world, and it's far too late to fix any of it.

66. Are you a giver or a taker?

Right now I am giving myself away. That will not last for much longer, and then I will be taking every fucking thing I want, and there will be a trail of half-eaten, mostly dead bodies in my wake. Visualize that, mutherfucker.

68. What is your dadís middle name?


69. Whatís your moms middle name?


70. Stuck on a deserted island & could only bring one thing?

My girlfriend. If not a person, then I'd want some coffee.

71. Favorite T.V. commercial?

The Pink Floyd 8-disc infomercial; I should be hosting that.

72. Who's your cell phone provider?

It could be you; let me borrow your phone.

73. First thing youíll save in a fire?

My girlfriend. If she's safe, and the first thing she'd save would be our guinea pig, then the first thing I'd save is my keys--so that I could drive us all away from this burning mess. I would also grab my briefcase on the way out.

74. Favorite color(s)?

Purple (mine) and green (my girlfriend's).

75. What are the things you always bring with you?

Wit and sarcasm.

76. What did you want to be when you were a kid?


77. What do you usually do when the clocks turn?

What exactly is the question, and what are my options?

78. The color of your bed sheets?

Blue and white stripes.

79. Who do you want to meet?

The Lizard King.

80. What do you think about before you go to bed?

Start the plan for tomorrow.

38 Questions From A MySpace Girlfriend (Tiny)

May 23, 2007 11:24 AM

Subject 38 things blah blah blah

[be honest no matter what.]

[one] what is your natural hair color?

My natural hair color is light brown in the Summer, and medium brown in the Winter. I may try some of that "gray cover up" shit, but I doubt I would actually "color" my own hair.

[two] where was your default picture taken?

About 2 feet from where I sit now; in my room. The next one will be from my room, too.

[three] what's your middle name?

"C". Or, in some cultures, perhaps my middle name is "Night". Try to follow this: Over...Night...Guy. See? It could be night.

[four] your current relationship status?

Single, occupied, but also taking applications. I'd love to add a 6 ft tall redhead who works with money into my rotation; my girlfriend says 'Go for it'.

[five] does your crush like you?

My "crush"? Is that my girlfriend? I've had a crush on Heather Locklear since 1987, and on Cindy Crawford since 1990. My problem might be that too many people like me.

[six] what is your current mood?

My current mood? I RULE the fucking universe right now. I have had a very productive hungover day off; did laundry, shopped, mailed, cooked, cleaned, and rubbed the magic lamp. I've got beer, smokes, great music, 5 days of newspapers to read, and more tv than I can watch. I am a witty, pissy, sarcastic, extremely entertaining and superior human being; I'm ready to slam-dance with the aliens, and throw frisbee with God. Now load the fucking bong, and let's do this! Where the hell is Dax V? This is how I used to feel when I partied with him. He and I were a pretty good team--that was a fun year.

[seven] what color underwear are you wearing?

I am wearing gray boxer briefs from yesterday; this was laundry day, okay? I was wearing some pretty black boxer briefs earlier when I was cooking in my underwear. Kept those pretty ones on while watching 'House' with my girl, and then there was some recreational time. At least I remembered to put some underwear on before I took the trash out. This time. The last time I took the trash out naked, some guy whooped and whistled at me. Yes; a guy. Still don't know how I feel about that. Never mind.

Music change; I was going to go with the 1996 Three Penny Needle CD (Doug and his 90's buddies), but now I've decided to go with Doug's new band for this century; Dream Life Misery--this is their newest CD, Over The Wire. They have a MySpace page, too; look 'em up. This is some of the greatest music you've never heard.

[eight] what makes you happy?

Stretching the muscles that loosen my back. Oh God, now I sound like a fucking cripple. Thursday night Blues Jam makes me happy. Knowing that the world will end in my generation makes me happy, too. A new episode of "Whitest Kids YUou Know" makes me happy. "Rescue Me" comes back on June 14th; that makes me pretty happy. Right now; okay--maybe 30 seconds ago, this new cold beer made me happy. My brain has too many darkened doorways to streamline any specific theme here. Comprende? Alliteration sometimes makes me happy.

[ten] if you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?

This is a fair question; the survey person is being asked about the primary mistake/non-action from the past that s/he would go back and "do over". What would I go back and change? Fuck you. I don't care enough about life itself, much less my own personal life, to go back and screw with the future perfect tense. The friends, the girls, the jobs, the vehicles I've owned; everything in my life that I have held and enjoyed has been taken away from me by decisions that were not my own. So; why change anything when it's all just going to get butt-fucked in the end anyway? I know I'm alone on this one, so don't waste your time trying to make sense out of this.

[eleven] if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?

Tiny had a predatory bird in here. Humans are obsessed with flight, and I will be no different. Something nocturnal and misunderstood. Ladies and gentlemen; I would be the ultimate, solo-flying bat. I would fucking zoom around at top speed, catching little bugs in the webbing between my legs, and screaming while I eat them. Other bats would call me "Psycho", and leave me the hell alone.

[twelve] ever had a near death experience?

Too many to count. I've got scars and spinal problems; degenerative disk disorder, and pinched nerves in multiple places.

[thirteen] something you do a lot?

I talk to myself everyday. I also cuss. Frequently I cuss to myself. Maybe I should skip this question.

[fourteen] what's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?

Yes! This is a great question for me. All day today I've had NIN's "Right Where It Belongs" running on a constant loop. But now, I've got Dream Life Misery's "Some Way" going through my head--even while I'm singing Dream Life Misery's "Blame" (playing now). Yesterday I had that one instrumental from Def Lepperd's High and Dry album going through my head; the class clown at the local drunk and druggie radio station here played it--I loved it. Other than that, 2 thumbs up to the newest Papa Roach single "Forever"; not since Chevelle's "Send the Pain Below" has a single radio song stayed with me so hard and heavy. Please; I could keep typing here for days, but I'll stop now.

[fifteen] who did you copy and paste this from?

Tiny; she's one of the cooler people I still miss from Georgia.

[sixteen] name someone with the same birthday as you?

Hockey legend Brett Hull was born 365 days before me--which adds up to being the same birthday.

[seventeen] when was the last time you cried?

Does crying while you puke count? I cried AND laughed while I puked last night; I'm kooky like that. Okay, shhh, before last night...I average crying in the morning 2 days a week before my shower; it's the joys of having never-ending back problems that make this life so entertaining. I will dissolve this worthless fucking planet, and melt every pathetic human body on it. Trespassers will be eaten with garlic and bar-b-que sauce; jalapenos are optional. God damn I'm hungry.

[eighteen] have you ever sung in front of a large audience?

Yeah, when I was 7. A better question would be: Have you ever mooned a large audience? My answer would be; 'What exactly would you consider a large audience?' And my follow-up would be "Probably, yes."

Music change: I fucked up and let the whole Dream Life Misery CD play. I would not end a CD with a chick song like "Dying to Know"; but that's just a personal choice. Doug's other CD's end with guy songs. When I do let the new DLM finish, I find myself in "Rage" mode--needing a dose of intense Zach. And even though the song "Maggie's Farm" beckons (it always does), I have opted to go with the entire "Battle of Los Angeles" CD.

[nineteen] if you could have one super power what would it be?

Tiny had "super speed" in here. I would agree. Remember that episode of Family Guy where (they all had super powers from the toxic waste, and) Brian had the super speed? That would definitely make the days better.

[twenty] what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

This is another really good question for me. I am not a stickler for "looks"; which is both good and bad. As long as a person is not ugly, then my biggest concern is how a person relays their thoughts. In most cases, this would mean their speaking voice, and their ability to create cohesive and structured sentences. But sometimes it is a person's writing ability. Shit; I wandered. What is the first thing I look at on a female? Her face. I mean; I'm going to have to kiss it, and watch it suck my dick. Right? So; she'd better have an okay face.

[twenty-one] what do you usually order from starbucks?

I don't do specialty coffee shops. If I did, then I would go to a local coffee shop--not Starfuckingbucks. I know this girl at work, okay? She's like me, and brews her own coffee. But she knows this cute guy who started his own drive-through coffee shop thing. And she goes there a couple of times a week to buy a cup, and tip him/flirt with him. She would rather have him running his own business than being unemployed. I respect that, and I would do something similar if I knew a coffee shop owner. Yes; even if it was a cute guy.

[twenty-two] what's your biggest secret?

Like I would tell you. Apparently I don't have many secrets anymore.

[twenty-three] favorite color?

Purple first, green and blue second.

[twenty-four] when was the last time you lied?

Tiny said 'last night'. Good for her; that's my girl. I don't know when I lied last. Maybe on my last job application? Wait; I'm a salesman--so I lie everyday. Thank you.

[twenty-five] do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?

Define "kiddy movies or tv shows". I still watch cartoons.

[twenty-six] what are you eating or drinking at the moment?

My 3rd beer; it's these Wild Hop organic lager beers. I love them.

[twenty-seven] do you speak any other language?

I know enough Spanish to get into a fight, but not enough to talk my way out of one.

[twenty-eight] what's your favorite smell?

Bar-B-Que? Panties on my face? My girfriend's hemp lotion? Chocolate cake? Garlic bread baking?

[twenty-nine] if you could describe your life in one word what would it be?


[thirty] when was the last time you gave/received a hug?

Is that what the kids are calling it? I "gave a hug" to my alien goddess a few hours ago.

[thirty-one] have you ever been kissed in the rain?

Not lately.

[thirty-two] what are you thinking about right now?

Food and drugs and sex. Beer, too. I'm a guy; wtf did you expect?

[thirty-three] what should you be doing?

Eating, huffing, and fucking. Drinking, too. I'm a guy; wtf did you expect?

[thirty-four] what was the last thing that made you upset/angry?

Getting screwed over by a person who was supposed to be enabling me. She has not even apologized yet. I am determining her punishment now. I would hate to have to knock out all of her teeth and choke her with my dick, but...hey, if that's what it takes.

[thirty-six] do you like working in the yard?

Not really. Wait; is that another metaphor? I DO like working in my girlfriend's yard.

[thirty-seven] if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want it to be?

Maybe I don't understand this question. I liked that Joey guy's name; Buttafuco?

[thirty-eight] do you act differently around your crush?

Often I do. I am her social buffer; I have to keep other people from talking to her, and I have to create distractions to deflect attention away from her. And I must keep giving her options that she can avoid. She keeps me busy.

Pool Guy Survey

Friday the 13th; July, 2007

Hey again. Purple Guy here. So I haven't heard from Pool Guy in over a year, and then all of a sudden he drops this survey in my e-mail. After reading a few of the items below, I certainly understand why he sent me this. Some of those drunk nights in Phoenix were pretty damn entertaining. So I'm hungover, doing a survey, and listening to the new Smashing Pumpkins "Zeitgeist" today. I wish all days off could be this good. Let's do this:

This one is fun... Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones you have not, and send it to all your friends, including me. (Copy & Paste into a new email before answering questions.) This is for your entire life!

(X) Smoked a cigarette

(X) Drank so much you threw up

(X) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back

(X) Gone on a blind date

(X) Skipped school

( ) Watched someone die--I've watched a few comedians die; does that count?

( ) Been to Canada--I may end up there, though.

(X) Been to Mexico

(X) Been to Florida--I just got back from Florida, and we had a blast!

(X) Been on a plane--I fucking hate planes.

(X) Been lost--I'm lost right now, Alice!

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country

(X) Swam in the ocean

(X) Felt like dying (when sick)

(X) Cried yourself to sleep--a couple times per month, yes, thank you.

(X) Played cops and robbers

(X) Played with a Tonka Truck--I LOVE Tonka trucks, and presently have new plans for Hot Wheels cars!

(X) Recently colored with crayons--define "recently"; I've played with crayons this year. I ate a crayon back in February, too. I like crayons.

(X) Sang karaoke--I trashed Harvey Danger's "Flagpole Sitta" last year. And it's a great song; I am very ashamed. My apologies to the band.

(X) Paid for a meal with only coins--that's a Pool Guy specialty right there! Twice back in Phoenix I also took my change jar to go buy CD's at Zia records.

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?--fucking every daily, maybe even right now!

(X) Made prank phone calls--hmmm, let's make one right now. Prank calls, stalker surveys, purposely mis-dialing a number--just so you can fuck with some stranger. Gimme your phone--I mean, answer your phone. Bitch.

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Danced in the rain

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about

(X) Blown bubbles--every day; gum, soap, spit, I'm blowing bubbles right now.

( ) Made a bonfire on the beach--never thought about it

(X) Crashed a party--it's one of my nicknames.

( ) Crashed a wedding--Weddings are stupid. I've only been to 2. If not for the free booze, I wouldn't have gone to either. Some people LIKE to go to weddings. Some people LIKE to get married. Some people are STUPID. I'll stop now.

( ) Crashed a funeral

(X) Gone ice-skating--I LOVE ice-skating; started when I was 7 or 8. Except for my back injuries, and living in the south, I might have been a hockey player.

(X) Been skinny dipping

(X) Gone to the movies, paid for one ticket, and then snuck into another theatre to see a different feature afterwards.

Part 2 of the Same Survey

1. Any nicknames ? Overnight Guy, Purple Guy, Pinball Wizard, Psycho Boy, Crash

2. Mother's name? You will call her "Ms. Davis", thank you.

3. Favorite drink? Pool Guy had MGD in here; beer, that's pretty boring. I've heard of a drink named "Pink Panty Pull-Down", which, I don't even care about the drink--thanks for the visual! How do you NOT list "Crown and Coke", or Crown and something here? My 'poor man's Crown' is still Black Velvet; I like BV and root beer. Beer may be the most common thing I drink too much of, but I actually like coffee more--I'm drinking coffee now. I also like Mountain Dew more than beer. And I drink more Code Red than regular Mountain Dew. As far as beer goes, and beer is pretty important to me, I like Hefeweizen. 'Hef' is wheat beer that is sweetened with honey; yes, it is very nice, and I drink different brands of it weekly (Widmer Brothers, Pyramid, and Henry Weinhard's). But my favorite beer right now is the Wild Hop organic brew from Green Mountain Brewing in California. Which reminds me; I need to go to the store.

4. Tattoos? I choose to not do ink or attached iron. And that might change. Perhaps I should just say "not yet".

5. Body piercing? Not yet.

6. How much do you love your job? Aside from 2 radio jobs, I've never loved any element of "working", or "jobs"--it's lost time. My current sales job is okay, actually it is very good, but it does not exist to be loved. I will "love" it when I don't have to have a job anymore.

7. Birthplace: Champaign, Il

8. Favorite vacation spot? Alone in my room, hearing relatively obscure music. I might be at my favorite vacation spot right now.

9. Ever been to Africa? No. If there's a bar named Africa, naaa, I probably wouldn't go there either.

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Not lately. But Clif bars are like cookies, and I've had them for dinner this month.

11. Ever been on TV? Yes.

12. Ever steal any traffic signs? I'm a guy, and I lived in Georgia for over 30 years. Road, street, traffic, school, and yard signs are used as decorations in Georgia.

13. Ever been in a car accident? Multiple car wrecks in multiple centuries.

14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? Gus, the Silver Love Chariot, has more than 4. Thank you.

15. Favorite salad dressing? Bleu cheese with lemon juice, and a blast of hot sauce.

16. Favorite pie? Chocolate on chocolate cheesecake, and there will need to be some ice cream nearby. And a Hot Wheels car. Maybe a crayon, too. I'm getting hungry.

17. Favorite number? I'm just sitting here staring at this thing. I like the #3, also like the #51 (Area 51), the #69, and of course I have a history with 815.

18. Favorite movie? A single favorite? ONE movie? I will need to watch all 5 again; Hooper, Caddyshack, Arthur, Terminater, and Demon Knight--then maybe I can pick one for you.

19. Favorite holiday? Christmas, I guess.

20. Favorite dessert? Sex. That's not enough? Okay. Sweet sex with role play.

21. Favorite food? Lasagna.

22. Favorite day of the week? Mondays are so unpopular that I have always chosen Mondays. In my life, right now, I like Thursday nights best (Blues Jam).

23. Favorite brand of body wash? Body wash? I like Coast and Zest soaps, actually. To keep peace in the house, I currently use Ivory soap bars.

24. Favorite toothpaste? Take Aim! It's not just a fine Five Eight song, it is my gel of preference. I recently learned of this Tom's of Maine save-the-earth gel that is pretty good, too.

25. Favorite smell? I've still got the 'pink panties' visual, thank you. So the smell of girly lotion on smooth legs wrapped around my neck is going to have to wiggle in as my favorite smell.

26. What do you do to relax? "Relaxing" is not a primary focus for me. I stretch many times a day. For my personal stress-release I usually either workout or masturbate.

27. Do you have a message to your friends reading this? Yes. Quit dicking around with dumbass surveys; now go shave your legs, find some pink panties, and think about me.

28. How do you see yourself in 10 years? 10 years? Like, 2017? I plan to have an ongoing relationship with those in charge at that time; some kind of people-management position.

29. Furthest place you will send this message? Well; TPG in Seattle is close. Pool Guy is still in Phoenix, apparently. So the furthest I'll be sending this is Texas, unless I send it to my FCP back on the east coast. Other than that, it'll be on my website.

30. Who will respond the fastest? Define "respond". Probably Pool Guy himself--since he's the one who sent this to me, and I guess this is his way of checking in with me after a year of neglect.

Response Update: Of the 4 states, Texas is the ONLY one to respond so far. This is why I usually don't send surveys--just post them on my site.

31. Who is the least likely to respond? Probably TPG; he doesn't do surveys.

Terrible Two's

(an FCP Survey done by W C on 8-15-07 Wednesday night during a welcome bout of insomnia at 3 am.)

Two Names You Go By
1. My pinball initials are "UUC" (pronounced "Double You See")
2. At work, on my team, I am "Psycho Boy"

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Black Boxer Briefs
2. Devious grin

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Food (I'll cook it, order it, or go pick it up.)
2. Sex (See above)

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Pinball
2. Rub my face on Static Girl to really good music (snicker).

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. More time to rub my face on my girlfriend. And she'll get bored with it, so then I'm going to need another fine woman (or 2) to rub my face and fingers on.
2. The ability to stop/alter/freeze time ('I remember...doing the Time Warp...'), and shape-shift, and fly, teleport, dows, remote-view, and cause massive fits of enjoyment to all. Mr. Man wants to morph into a permanent party zone; I'll fly the rocketship (choose the soundtrack)...Calvin had a transmogrifier; Pinky and the Brain had a chronic infindibulator. I want a big scientific thingy that ends with an "r", too. Dammit. Like; an "Orgasmulator".

Two pets you had/have:
1. Had 2 dogs (last Century)
2. Have a spoiled guinea pig now

Two people who will fill this out first:
1. Not sending, posting.
2. I'll let you know. I am totally sure that Marie Louise Parker and Keith Olbermann are going to get right on this for me; probably today. Denis Leary, too.

Two things you did last night:
1. Tried to write, and when that fell through, I
2. went to bed

Two people who live at your house:
1. Static Girl (my holographic, evolving, Aliengelic Goddess)
2. Tegan (the luckiest guinea pig alive)

Two things you ate today:
1. Clif bar!
2. Mixed nuts

Two people you talked to last:
1. Static Girl
2. The cute produce girl at Safeway

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Putting a new high score on Nascar pinball at a bar while hearing:
2. Blues Jam #34 for me (snicker).

Two longest car rides:
1. Georgia to Arizona
2. Arizona to Oregon

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Something where I get to sleep late and wake up slow. With lots of coffee.

Two favorite beverages:
1. Coffee!!!
2. Root beer/Code Red/Mountain Dew. Syrupy fountain Pepsi, and Mexican bottled Coke is really good.

Wait. Wait. Wait. I have a drinking problem. I love to drink, and I love to pee. Honorable Mentions in the beverage world will go to so many others; sweet tea, 2 dozen different types of beer (with Wild Hop and Hefeweizen up on top), vegetable juice (it can be a meal OR a mixer), every flavor of soy milk, I grew up on Coca Cola (Georgia boy)--but don't love it everyday now, the Vitamin Water stuff is great (but expensive); why can't I sleep? Damn, I'm thirsty.

That's it? We're done? Not so fast, dear.

This is nice, and I got a little play out of it. But I need something a bit more...cool and dark. It would be so easy, too. This could be an engaging, psychotic playground. Like me! I may have to add an Overnight Guy Coda to this otherwise lovely and innocent-ish questionaire. My glorious, God-fearing FCP SENT this to ME! She's known me for 14 years; she KNOWS how my mind works. Do I dare degrade, deface, and destroy this cutesy kindergarten questionaire? Not yet.

She can stop reading back there at the beverages (my drinking problem)--the end of what she sent. Yawn. She may have cleaned up her life since the 90's, but I still think like a Gutter Pimp--it's not a secret.

Thank you, sweet May-ree, but perhaps you should not scroll further...I mean, sweetie, it's not JUST me and my mind here. It's me, my mind, AND it's 4 am. You know how we get around this time. Yes; the "store" is all swept and mopped. We're just 'cruise and ooze' to 5 am here. Go away now, baby...

Get ready to be offended! Many people have learned to never ask for my opinion; you will not be so lucky. Sometimes I have to create a way to volunteer my opinion--like this!

Your Brain? Give us some insight!

Two questions I asked of this stupid world 20+ years ago; questions that went unanswered then, and are still unanswered now:

1. How does an intelligent society (a planet), with clearly finite resources, allow females of all ages to breed at will?
2. How does an intelligent society, (a nation), with clearly defined borders, not protect those borders fom being overrun by illegals? And why aren't those captured illegals tortured and killed viciously, with their beatings broadcasted on free tv back into their home country--to discourage other potential border-crossers?

Final thought? Okay; abort the babies, then sterilize the women, and kill every illegal immigrant. The term might be called "population control"; and we are long overdue. We are so long overdue from 60 years of unchecked breeding--letting the idiotic 90% of women run around and crap out kids everywhere. The OTHER 10% of women; brilliant and beautiful as they are--like my Static Girl, my FCP, and my Summer Crush--should be running this planet. Thank you.

Two favorite quotes?
1. "Be careful what you wish for, because thoughts are things."--Edgar Cayce
2. "You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred."--Super Chicken

Two favorite sayings that apply to you:
1. During a mid-90's radio rant, I proclaimed my new slogan: "Play At Your Own Risk, Baby!" Those exact words would become full wall art, duct-taped on one side of my apartment back in Ga. Ask my girlfriend--she saw it; and she agreed that it was both crude and relevant.
2. "Out of Order", and "Does Not Play Well With Others" both tie for #2.

Two favorite concerts?
1. I was backstage for Ted Nugent's "Penetrater" at the Fox in Atlanta; 1984. I knew the guys in the opening band, Billy the Kid.
2. The Atlanta Pink Floyd shows of 1994; I was at both--thank you.

Two CD's atop that stack of 16 on your desk?
1. Smashing Pumpkins "Zeitgeist"
2. Yes "Drama"

Why those two CD's?
1. The new Pumpkins is great. #1, "Doomsday Clock" is a fine welcome back after 7 years; the overplayed but still excellent "Tarantula" is #5, but also check out #7 "United States"; THAT'S what I'd be playing on the radio at 4 am!
2. I pulled out Yes' Drama to hear "Does It Really Happen", which was wonderful. But then I had to hear "Tempus Fugit". Then I went back for "Into The Lens" and "Run Through The Light". (Yes' Close To The Edge--my writing music, is also in this stack of 16 discs) I was as big a Yes fan as anybody I knew back in the 80's. All that artsy stuff; ELP, Rush, Asia, Yes. Let's do bong hits, throw parking-lot frisbee, and listen to 80's art-rock! Hey yo, Ear Buds; can your I-Pod channel Joe Satriani from 20 years ago? I bet it can't. Does anybody remember his "Surfing With the Alien"? Why don't I own that? Put that on my CDWorld wish list. Done.

Other than those top 2, what were the last 2 CD's you played?
1. You caught me. I pulled out Pisces Iscariot to crank "Starla" through headphones (more Smashing Pumpkins).
2. Before that, it was my new favorite Five Eight tune (since 2-2006), "Shut Me Off" (#5 off of Gasolina).

Two favorite poets?
Oh crap. We're really doing this? Sure; just don't list yourself first. Okay...
1. Me
2. John Donne

Two favorite things you'd like to brag about in this weird survey?
1. No cussing. I have decided to be a good boy; deleting most of the suggestive implications, too.
2. I'd like to brag about the girl who sent this to me; she is quite the religious inspiration; centered, and sensational. Gorgeous, gracious; and she loves to laugh. And lo, she rides a VERY lucky motorcycle! I hope to someday thank her properly for the influence she's had on every aspect of my life. There are at least 30 different songs I'd like to "thank" her to. Whoa! Sorry. La la la la. Gotta go; I'm a really busy guy over here.

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