3 Surveys From 2009:

About Me

Superbowl Weekend; January 2009

1.What is your occupation right now?

Currently in-between careers; thank you.

2.What color are your socks right now?

Grey boot socks with black trim.

3.What are you listening to right now?

My ears are still stinging from a heated conversation with my MoM. My first song played today will be the Offspring's "Fix You". Can you hear it? I'll turn it up, so maybe we can drown out that sound of cross-country maternal disappointment.

4.What was the last thing that you ate?

A monster sandwich; an Amy burger, w/pepperjack cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, and mustard all on Static Girl bread.

5.Can you drive a stick shift?

Yes; in fact, I drove one last week--it was the first time in years. My "Fury in the Slaughterhouse" Mazda GLC was a stick, back in 1997.

6.Last person you spoke to on the phone?

A very angry woman in Florida.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

It's much more than just "like"; she is an angel, adored.

8.How old are you today?

43 and change, almost 43.5

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?

Wow. I can argue easily for football (tomorrow is the Superbowl). I can also argue for hockey. But I'm going to go with female gymnastics.

10. What is your favorite drink?

Where am I for this 'favorite drink'? At home--coffee loses to Code Red Mountain Dew, or even my own green tea, just barely, because of the time lag it takes to brew coffee (for the Dew/tea, you just twist the cap and go). At the bar--beer. At the gym--water

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Not yet.

12. Favorite food?

Good question. I've been craving lasagna for weeks now. I also have some new plans for cinna-buns. Cheese is also excellent. I'm getting hungry again.

13. What is the last movie you watched?

I just re-watched "Wag the Dog" again today.

14. Favorite day of the year?

Day? Why not a favorite "night" of the year? I would prefer cool, dark, and quiet. Doesn't that sound more like night than day? October is a good month. Imagine helping a female complete package celebrate her birthday (night) in mid-October...

15. How do you vent anger?

Profanity, and push-ups.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

Is this question on every survey? Lego's, giant Tinkertoys, slot cars, the Vertibird; and while we're trying to give you more than my standard answers, I LOVED the frisbee from my first throw of one when I was like, what, 7? There is so much more to this story than I ever realized, and you're about to hear it: Frisbee; my DaD throws disc (incorrectly) with a straight-up side-push arm motion. This is a permanent left-curve throw, and the frisbee is never flat. Ouch. It hurts my arm just thinking about it, and nobody can throw a frisbee in this manner more than 40 yards. I do a full body cross backhand (correctly), and could throw a disc over 60 yards before I was 10.

17. What is your favorite season?

Early Summer, the first few warm days when the girls are trying to get tan. Bring your camera, and try not to drool. Top down, bottom up. Thong City.

18. Cherries or Blueberries?

Are you kidding me? Cherry Red. Code Red. Cherry to pop, cherry on top, cherry don't stop.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?

No; I want to keep talking about cherries and bikinis. Butt floss. Underwear, ribbons, nails; red, red, red. Wait. I can do better. Let's try this again:

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?

Yes; e-mail me. It is so messed up how the ONE person on earth I'd like to talk with on the phone hardly ever calls me (snif); she usually e-mails me. And then, all these other idiots want to call me all the time--I'd rather they just e-mailed me.

20. Who is the most likely to respond?

Fuck if I know. BTW, we heard the entire Offspring CD; I danced a little in my underwear, and now we've moved on to the other disc in my computer, the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion Experimental Remixes. This song, Greyhound Part 1, was remixed by Moby. I even got this song added to rotation on the alternative station I worked at in the 90's.

21. Who is least likely to respond?

Please. It's not like I get tons of people sending me these things back. No; wait. LEAST likely to respond? I like this nude model, Ariel Piperfawn, and she (literally) does not know that I exist--so SHE is the least likely to respond. There; ha! I answered your dumb question.

22. Living arrangements?

Me and the skinny, non-smoking, vegan, Goddess of bread-making.

23. When was the last time you cried?

Earlier today, on the phone with that angry Florida woman. She infuriates me often.

24. What is on the floor of your closet?

Ooo, I remember this question from 2 years ago. Many trash bags of clothes, ties, sheets, sports cards, and 3 or 4 suitcases.

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to?

Um, that's going to be my Phantom Angel. Hey baby.

26. What did you do last night?

Went to bed early, and then woke up at 2 am. So I cleaned the kitchen, and then watched some tv.

27. What are you most afraid of?

I'll have to get back to you on that one.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

Any, all, and yes. I can find the good in almost any burger.

29. Favorite dog breed?

I had a Fox Terrier as a kid; he was great. But now I'd want a frisbee dog.

30. Favorite day of the week?

Didn't we just do the 'day of the year'? I will stay with Thursdays for now; those are my Blues Jam NIGHTS (again; the nights, not the days).

31. How many states have you lived in?

Do altered states count? 4 physical states here in north America.

32. Diamonds or pearls?

I don't wear either, and neither does my girlfriend. If you force me to choose, then I would take diamonds--they grow in the ground (sort of). Pearls are the solitary possession of a happy oyster; by owning pearls you are selfishly stealing from the ocean, and continuing the unfortunate human trend of resource-depletion. Diamonds are rocks; oysters are alive.

33. What is your favorite flower?

Violets, I guess. I'm not much of a flower person.

That's it? You're not going to ask about my mood right now?

(The idea behind this survey is to use single word answers. Good luck.)

One Word Survey

January 2009

1. Where is your cell phone? Not

2. Your significant other? Close

3. Your hair? scraggly

4. Your mother? Overbearing

5. Your father? Adequate

6. Your favorite thing? legs

7. Your dream last night? dark

8. Your favorite drink? coffee

9. Your dream/goal? underground

10. What room are you in? bed

11. Your hobby? eating

12. Your fear? falling

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Maryland

14. Where were you last night? bar

15. Something that you aren't? problematic

16. Muffins? Please

17. Wish list item? garden

18. Where you grew up? didn't

19. Last thing you did? "didn't"

20. What are you wearing? sweats

21. TV? sports

22. Your pets? piggies

23. Friends? Few

24. Your life? casual

25. Your mood? spontaneous

26. Missing someone? sure

27. Your car? Gus

28. Something you're not wearing? condom

29. Your favorite store? pharmacy

30. Your favorite color? purple

31. When is the last time you laughed? today

32. Last time you cried? forgot

33. Who will resend this? nobody

34. Where do you go to over and over? bar

35. Person who emails me regularly? Mindy

36. My favorite place to eat? home

37. Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? Mindyville

38. Four people I think will respond? No

No offense to the person who came up with the plan for a "one word" survey, but there should be much more here. I appreciate the test of trying to be relative, descriptive, and entertaining all within a single-word parameter, but there should be a dozen different "favorites" (more than just these 4 of: 29. 'store' and 30. 'color'; 36. should be 'restaurant', 37. was good). You should have at least 50 "one word" answers here.

You could have flavors in here; smells, favorite color of female panties, best food to combine with sex, best sheets to combine with sex, food and sheet sex, how many shower curtains do you own, dream car, dream car for sex, dream date with/without sex; see? If you're going to scatterbrain, then let's fucking scatterbrain. I may incorporate some stuff like this into my upcoming "Overnight Guy Survey". Special thanks to the greatest FCP in the world; MINE!



This is some MySpace survey thing I found on some female's profile who was asking to be my friend. I grew tired of waiting for any of my supposedly REAL friends to send me a new survey to do. This one is pretty boring, and was obviously created by a silly female, but it does have a couple of questions I had not seen before....

Name: my newest nickname at the bar is "Quick Action".

Birthday: 1965; like Rob Zombie's "Thunderkiss", or bluesy legend "Mustang Sally".

Birthplace: Illinois.

Current Location: Oregon. Go Ducks!

Eye Color: 'bottom of the swimming pool' blue

Hair Color: what hair? Light balding brown, with grey sidelights. Did I mention "balding"? Hair. Ha. You fuckers are funny.

Height: just over 6 ft.

Right Handed or Left Handed: right-handed, right-footed, right-eyed and right-earred. So if you sit to the left of me, I can not hit, kick, see, or hear you. I like it like that.

Your Heritage: German; all the way back to the Norman conquest.

The Shoes You Wore Today: no shoes, just black socks. Had I left the house today, like, to go to the bar (me?), I would have worn my black, Response Gear 6" Delivery boots.

Your Weakness: pinball.

Your Fears: (no pinball, ha) hmmmm; now that most of my fears (and predictions) have come true, I'm not really all that scared anymore. Wait; no. If I lost both my Static Girlfriend, and my FCP, then I would be terrified.

Your Perfect Pizza: nice fucking question. I told you there were a couple of good ones in here! Even in my current semi-vegetarian state, I say that all pizza needs double pepperoni--REAL pepperoni (not that fake Cozmic Pizza shit). We also need some onions, and peppers (jalapeno or habanero). Mushrooms are optional. And something else red; so that's either red peppers or tomatoes. Mozzarella or pepperjack cheese (both), too. Yes. And this is MY pizza, okay? If anybody tries to move on it, I will fucking stab you.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I'd like to make that pizza from the last question...Goals? Goals. There are 5 weeks left in the year. I'd like some new pinball high scores, more than -20 (twenty under) on 2 new Golden Tee courses, I'd like to win a couple more of my own poker tournaments, and exercise more. Pretty boring, huh?

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I haven't used an instant messenger in years. And I don't text-message because I don't own a cell phone. I like to use full sentence structure, decent grammar, and accurate spelling. I know I'm 20 years behind, or 10 anyway, but I just don't give a shit. However; let's just say I was instant-messaging. My phrase would be "LMA" (Leave me alone).

Thoughts First Waking Up: quick, radio boy, name whatever this song is on KNRQ. Okay; can we feel our legs? Good. Is the dick hard? Check. WWMD? Do we need to go pee right now? Jeezus--that's loud, hit the snooze button. Holy crap--it's cold in here. What day is it? I certainly can't be expected to care about anything yet; fuck this, I'll wake up later...

Your Best Physical Feature: my dick, my tongue, my fingers/hands? Perhaps you instant-messaging, non-grammatical moron fucks would like to restate this question as 'your best VISUAL feature'. I mean, I am sensing that you want to know what about me might "visually" entice a woman to talk to me? Am I correct? Yes; so to some dumb bitch looking at me, possibly looking at me "VISUALLY", she would probably be most interested in my eyes.

Your Bedtime: that's a fair question. Since I am sort of an adult (in some cultures), my bedtime is determined by what is waiting for me in bed, the available options and alternatives, and what is to happen after I awake. In other words; I ain't got no job, so I don't got no bedtime.

Your Most Missed Memory: Ha. Good timing. I'm sitting here, right now, listening to the Fig Dish "toaster"; 4th song, "Spit The Part". This song has the bridge-bed that I used for my generic "No Boundaries" music show promo. I'll explain: my most missed memory is of being the Overnight Guy, and having a new/local music show, on the radio, from '95 to '98.

Pepsi or Coke: for this exercise--Pepsi. But it was a younger sibling of Pepsi, Mountain Dew, that grew up, left the nest, and went on to create its own family. Code Red, and Voltage, along with classic Dew, are all welcome in my 'fridge. Once or twice per year, I will snag a 2-litre of Pepsi, as well.

MacDonalds or Burger King: Wow. See; many people (of all colors) from Georgia DO pronounce it "MAC-Donalds". But the actual name of the place is "McDonald's". I even worked there when I lived in Georgia. If still in Georgia; I would take broiled over fried, so I would be a Burger King guy now. Here in Oregon, though, I AM a Carl's Jr./Green Burrito boy.

Single or Group Dates: movies, food, live music, roller-skating, sex? What kind of "date" is this? I am sensing that you want to know if I work better one-on-one, or within a group structure. Yes? Let's go with "single dates".

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Bleah. I brew my own green tea, and try to get it locally. If either one of those corporate teabags is based in your state, go with that one.

Chocolate or Vanilla: all the kids are going to say 'chocolate'. And I hate kids. Vanilla for me, baby doll.

Cappuccino or Coffee: I have always laughed at the nature of questions like these. Java; like religion, or even sex, is your personal business. Do it at home, with the doors locked, and the blinds drawn. If you're going to go out in public for any of the above, then keep it simple and private. I like the strong coffee that I make at home, in my own coffee-maker. Wait; what were we talking about?

Do you Smoke: like a chimney, but only on my own terms. I can smoke 2 packs in a day, or I can go a year between cigarettes. This drives the other smokers, and especially the non-smokers, totally fucking crazy. THEY say I can't commit to either. I say that I AM committed to both. So fuck all of you. I like this survey.

Do you Swear: Me? Kiss my hairy White ass!

Do you Sing: Ha. Everyday. In the shower, while driving, while cooking; I sing much more than I should.

Do you Shower Daily: Yes. Usually in the morning; it's perfect, right after I pee in the tub, and masturbate in the tub. I'm standing there, singing into the shower head, and I turn it on.

Have you Been in Love: ah yes, the token 'little girl' question. Do I really have to answer this? Yes; I am in love right now, with myself. So just call me a selfish prick, and get the hell away from me.

Do you want to go to College: yes! In Southfieled Michigan, the school is the “Med Grow Cannabis College”; cultivation and cooking. I’d never miss a class.

Do you want to get Married: No. Married people either fight all the time, or hate each other. And married people stop having sex--ask one! I mean; what kind of stupid, instant-messaging, cappucino-drinking FOOL wants to get married? Wait. I mean, OTHER than silly little girls--who wants to get married?

Do you belive in yourself: Seriously; "belive" in myself? Yeah, bitch; I "be livin" all over myself. I "BELIEVE" in my own intelligence, and abilities. It's too bad that's not enough anymore.

Do you get Motion Sickness: Yes, and lots of it. I'm gonna need 3 boxes of Drammamine, some more Vicodin, valiums, LOTS of Xanax, Percocets, Oxy-contin, and do they still make those opium pills?, and MORE Xanax; a couple of highlighter pens, some rubber cement, and a big bottle of nail polish remover. And this is MY pizza, okay? I will fucking stab you.

Do you think you are Attractive: this again? "Attraction" is individualized perception. What I am is 'not ugly'. As my old yahoo profile used to say: "...I'd rather be okay-looking and anonymous than pretty and popular. I look okay."

Are you a Health Freak: I went there in 2007; almost vegetarian, with controlled eating, and structured exercising. I got down to 190 lbs, which was my lowest weight in 20 years. But since losing that job with the good gym, fuck it. I exercise when I feel like it, and I'll eat a steak if I want to. My weight is back to just over 200, and it's not like anybody gives a shit. I don't.

Do you get along with your Parents: tough question. YES, I get along with both of my wonderful parents--as long as it's in very limited doses, and only casual conversations. I would love to "zing" both of them right here, but I will not. I will back away slowly now.

Do you like Thunderstorms: am I outside IN one, or sitting inside dry while LISTENING to one, or am I WATCHING one on tv?

Do you play an Instrument: I don't play enough harmonica or guitar to say yes. I am a FAN of good music, but I am not a musician.

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: does last night count? How about the day before? I spent Thanksgiving (2 days ago) AT the fucking bar.

In the past month have you Smoked: at the bar

In the past month have you been on Drugs: at the bar

In the past month have you gone on a Date: at the bar

In the past month have you gone to a Mall: at the b--wait a second. The mall? I forgot; this is a little girl survey. No, I haven't been to the mall to pick up any little girls lately.

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no; not ONE Oreo. Have you little dicksleeves ever READ the ingredients in Oreos?

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I'm not the sushi type.

In the past month have you been on Stage: not exactly.

In the past month have you been Dumped: almost. No, really. I pissed Static Girl off, and she almost dumped me. Why? Because...um...somebody puked all over the bathroom.

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No, but our apartments have a jacuzzi that would be warm enough to do so. Maybe one of you little girls would like to go on a skinny-dipping date with me, tonight! I'll even let you eat my "sushi".

In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no, but I've had shit stolen from me.

Ever been Drunk: not in at least 16 hours.

Ever been called a Tease: yes, actually.

Ever been Beaten up: yes, but not lately.

Ever Shoplifted: as a kid, yes.

How do you want to Die: I'm open to suggestions--as long as I get to take out a big bunch of stupid people with me.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: we were asked this in the 1st grade, maybe 38 years ago. My answer has not changed. When I grow up, I want to be invisible.

What country would you most like to Visit: Both Mexico and Canada.

In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: see below

Favourite Hair Color: see below

Short or Long Hair: see below

Height: see below

Weight: dream on this; a 6 ft. tall, 160 lb, basketball-player type, with long legs (at least 42 inches from hip to heel), long red hair, and green eyes. But this is only my DREAM, okay? In reality, I like plain-Janes with dark hair and glasses.

Best Clothing Style: as little as possible--underwear and socks is good.

Number of Drugs I have taken: today? Just a few, but the night's still young.

Number of CDs I own: great fucking question. TPG brought me back many, so now my collection is 3 boxes, and 10.5 crates. So that's right around 2500. Far less than the 3000 I left Athens with.

Number of Piercings: I have 4 visible halo brace holes, and nothing extra right now.

Number of Tattoos: I have chosen, so far, to remain ink-less. Instead of getting married, Static Girl and I may get matching tattoos (not).

Number of things in my Past I Regret: tough question. Most of my regrets are of inaction, which makes them difficult to count. I simply don't do many of the things that most people do; I OVER-think, and UNDER-act. I try to look at the big picture, and make decent personal choices--usually. And THAT makes me quite fucking unique--thank you.

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