Three 2005 "About Me"'s:

January 2005

1. First Name: "Mr." Although I am considering changing my name to "Death". I bet, if my name were "Death", that people would keep their stupid fucking children away from me. Maybe ALL people would stay away from me, but I'm just dreaming now. Remember that movie "Bull Durham"? "Crash" would be a pretty cool name, too. Wait; how about "Mr. Crash Death" as a full name. God damn I'm a genius.

2. Were you named after anyone? Oh please. My sweet loving (idiot) parents gave me 3 last names; 3. So I just get on to the next phase by making my first name "Mr." My family history was not revealed to me in my youth--when I sort of cared. I certainly don't care now, and don't know either--so I guess it's all okay. If I AM named after somebody, then I hope they're fucking happy about it.

3. Do you wish on stars? Maybe back when I believed in idealistic possibilities, but not in the last 10 years. Understand that I am way beyond regular grumpy right now. Fuck you.

4. When did you last cry? Last night's serrano peppers.

5. Do you like your handwriting? Apparently. And I miss my handwriting, too, because the whole world revolves around these stupid computer screens now. Nobody "writes" anymore; and not me either. That could be part of the problem right there. I used to write great letters.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Good question; thank you. Some kind of turkey breast; smoked, honey, spiced, peppered, or maybe your mama's.

7. What is your birth date? About 3 months after Trent Reznor, about 3 weeks before Shania Twain. Also; 2 years to the day before Deion Sanders. Oh yeah, and 1 year to the day after my favorite hockey player Brett Hull.

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? This is going to take hours, hang on: No it's not. I threw out or gave away all my embarrassing CD's. All I have are the meat and the sweet, and shit that I got from the radio stations. Perhaps there might be an embarrassing album in my record collection; I don't know. I listened to alot of stupid shit in the 80's and 90's, but I never bought any country or new wave. I've found a few things that I bought and only played 1 or 2 times--but that's because they were weak, not embarrassing.

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Another good question. No. When I find a pissy, sarcastic smartass (like myself), I stay the fuck away. Unlike the rest of you morons, when I find a person who says "I don't like people", I RESPECT that, and leave him alone.

10. Are you a daredevil? Used to be; but no more (back issues).

11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Oh, probably. Shit; what are we talking about here? Is this an X-Files secret, or something that might hurt the feelings of somebody? Do you want to know if I can be a mean and nasty asshole? Not in the past, no, but I'm going to unhinge a few doors on my way out of here, motherfucker.

12. Do looks matter? Pay attention; all you have to be is "NOT UGLY", and ANYBODY can be not ugly. People who are ugly have no excuse. As long as you are not ugly, then looks don't matter.

13. How do you release anger? Loud music, talking to myself, and bar games. Masturbation. Cooking. Cussing. Sarcasm. I have lots of anger. You could say that everything I do is a release of anger.

14. Where is your second home? In my imagination, and it's very quiet there.

15. Do you trust others easily? I have in the past, and we sure as fuck won't be making that mistake again.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Little Legos and giant Tinkertoys. Later I would be fascinated with slot cars, hand-held Mattel Electronics games, and the Vertibird; but I'm not going to explain it. I'm one of those people who says that high quality toys can ignite genius in young minds; televisual learning is another branch that goes untapped. So then I wind up making pipes out of Legos, and watching canned laughter on Gilligan's Island for 10 years when somebody should have had me in a lab applying common sense to universal problems...What I needed and lacked was a bomb-making kit; which I would have used sparingly at first, but eventually would have blown myself up with it.

17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Ha. Other than Jabo's Sociology as a senior, what class WASN'T totally useless?

18. Do you have a journal? Used to keep them, but it turns out that along with being evil AND full of shit, women are also nosey. They like to go and read the private written thoughts of their guys; women don't seem to grasp the whole privacy factor. Stupid fucking women; they are the downfall of humanity. I could run with this, but I'm not going to.

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Without it I would have nothing.

20. What are your nicknames? Purple Guy, Pinball Wizard, Stinky Head

21. Would you bungee jump? This is one of the many activities that I am forced to NOT do because of lower back issues.

22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes; I wear mid and high topped shoes now--they must be untied.

23. Do you think that you are strong? Used to be. Wait; what is this shit? Physically, mentally; is this about doing sit-ups, or about dealing with people dying?

24. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? I've finally figured out WHY I like Pralines + Cream and Jamocha Almond Fudge! I want it all, and I want it all in a way that can make every bite a unique experience. I want some crunch, some taste stripes of carmel or coffee (or something else), and some color. I'm always checking out the best combination-type ice creams; I want at least 3 different things going on in my ice cream, baby!

25. Shoe Size? Left foot 11; right foot 10.5. Don't fucking ask.

26. red/pink ? Are we talking about panties, toenail color, pigtail ribbons, or the middle of a $10 steak? I'm hungry and horny.

27. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Oh fuck you. My addiction to minimal amusement seems to hold me back.

28. Who do you miss most? "And now everybody's gone, and you've been there for too long, to face this on your own, well I guess this is growing up." Wanna know what I miss? I miss bars and pinball machines, cars, houses and apartments, one specific radio job; did I meniton bars? Food, too. I'm sitting here, trying to think of somebody I miss. I still talk to my FCP; I do miss her, but I will see her again. Does that count? You know; you would think that in my thrilling life there would be a teacher, a mentor, a boss or co-worker, somebody of relative significance that I gave a shit about who's gone now. And what kind of "gone"; dead gone like Elvis, or just moved away gone like Dax V?

29. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back? I want all of you to die painfully and quietly.

30. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Blue house shorts and a black Mountain Dew shirt, barefoot and unshowered. Going, right now, to go get another cup of Code Red, and trying to think of reasons to go/not go to the bar again tonight. Oops, no cup this time; I'm just going to swig the rest out of the 2-liter bottle. Put a new 2-liter bottle in the fridge, and there's 2 more 2-liters waiting for their turn in the rotation. Wasn't there already a question about red/pink? They sure don't call it Code "Pink", motherfucker.

31. What are you listening to right now? Yeah, what happened? I was diggin on the 1996 Elektra Records Sampler; Afghan Whigs, Superdrag, Spacehog, Pete Droge--I must've turned it off when I went to get more drink. It's back on now, thank you; this fuckin' CD rocks. Afghan Whigs music is so angry; I like that. Gonna dig out my "Gentlemen" CD now; I am Debonair, baby.

32. Last thing you ate? Girlfriend made some killer bow tie pasta with tofu, in a very light marinara sauce. That was lunch. I'm thinking about some kind of Mexican dinner now. (Later; the 2 burrito dinner from Eriberto's)

33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I think it is SO cool that my FCP actually named that crayon, Mango Tango. I would like to be the "midnight blue" crayon; a slightly unusual, very deep color that nobody knows exactly what to do with--so it sits in the box alone and untouched. Eventually it will get thrown away and forgotten, without anybody ever getting to see how beautifully cool and dark it really is. Wow; fuck, did I type all of that?

34. What is the weather like right now? I could not care less. It's raining, and I have wasted the whole day inside doing absoluely nothing. Soon it will be dark and I will go to the bar. Inside the bar it's a gloomy, smokey 74 degrees--I checked.

35. Last person you talked to on the phone? I cheated. Tried to call my FCP, right then, so I could say it was her. But she and her man are moving to a new place today, and she doesn't have time to deal with a pissy, nihilistic ex-DJ in a writing slump.

36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Recently I have done intense studying on this very issue! Turns out that there are 8 focal points on another human being; male or female: hair, eyes, smile; brains, boobs, butt; legs and feet. Turns out that it's important for me to know if a person is paying attention to me--so I look for their eyes first. This is all "looks" noticing though. My people must also have decent voices, and must be capable of independent thought. So (minimal) brains are more important to me than for most people, and I put a high value on voice.

37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, very much so. Of the few people I do like, it might scare her to know how much I like her. Other than my Mom, there are only 2 women left on this stupid planet that I will talk to--and the Air Guitar Solo that sent me this is one of them. Bite me.

38. Favorite Drink? Where are we? At home; coffee. At work; Mountain Dew. At the bar; Michelob Ultra.

39. Favorite Sport? Football and the New England Patriots. Baseball and basketball are done, hockey is gone, and soccer hasn't caught on. I'll watch Arena Football, Canadian Football only has 3 downs per possession, and college football is good too (Go SEC); so the answer is football. These New England Patriots, from the year 2000 through 2005 today, are the first football team I know of that has "interchangeable parts"--and all the players work together for the overall benefit of the team. This is the football team of the future; this is true teamwork, this is what all the kids should be studying right now. A smart Hollywood (ha) would quickly make a movie about these guys.

40. Hair Color? Ever puked up a Snickers bar? That's my hair color. Hang on..."Snickers Bar Puke" would be a good band name; I'm spitting diamonds over here.

41. Eye Color? Used to be 'bottom of the swimming pool blue', but my eyes have gotten a tad darker and more depressed as I realize how empty, selfish and pathetic the world is. Dirty swimming pool blue; fuck, I don't know. Look deep into my eyes and tell me what kind of light blue misery you see. Bitch.

42. Do you wear contacts? No; and if I had to wear some shit like that, I would wear glasses--so the bar smoke would not do extra damage. My yummy, smart girlfriend wears glasses.

43. Favorite Food? Something spicey. Something neat with the possibility of being messy--like a burrito! This gyro place opened up close by, too, and I like the gyros. I eat sandcwiches everyday because they are convenient, and I'll keep eating them; I like lots of food.

44. Last Movie You Watched? Catwoman; it was a very watchable B movie.

45. Favorite Day of The Year? They all suck.

46. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? How about a nice little Extinction Level Event to shut all of you idiots up? Where is the choice for depression; 'scary' or 'happy'. Shit. Like; remember that movie "Barfly"? That's pure depression, baby. His was a brilliant mind wasted; mine is a "solution-oriented" mind never applied.

47. Summer or Winter? With much debate, I want to have the chance to go chase a dog or a frisbee, or both, so I'll go with Summer. Yeah; I'd rather sweat than shiver. Here's an idea; I'll move to Oregon.

48. Hugs OR Kisses? I am deficient in both right now (obviously). Kisses can be work, but hugs are mostly theraputic.

49. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Sex; let's sexercise off some of that meal we just ate...

50. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? Your mama.

51. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Your goldfish.

53. What Books Are You Reading? Some new sales book.

54. What's On Your Mouse Pad? It's a swirly blue thing that my Mom got me, with a wrist rest. Dark blue; hey it's...midnight blue--look at that.

55. What Did You Watch Last night? PTI and that new show Numb3rs (it has Fleishman from Northern Exposure, and Natalie from Sportsnight).

56. Favorite Smells? Coffee, vanilla, frying bacon, Coast soap, Stetson cologne, Royal Lime, good incense, and many illegal ones that won't be mentioned here. Panties; panties are always good. Coconut lotion on smooth bronze legs makes a nice smell / visual there; thank you.

57. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Both are massively important. But my pick would always be the Stones.

58. What's the furthest you've been from home? Planet Earth, and I am dying to get back to wherever the fuck I came from. Or just die; period. What is so fucking scary about death anyway? There's nobody bugging you to do some stupid shit that you don't want to do. There's nobody saying that 'you have so much potential, if you'd just follow the rules more'. You have no expectations, and nobody can disappoint you. Death is quiet; a blessing (no crying children) and a curse (no music). Okay; how did we go from 'furthest from home' to death? It's about time to go to the bar...The bar is very close to home...And someday I may own a bar so that I can live in it, and then I won't have to GO anywhere. That would be a bar; WITH music, and WITHOUT crying children. A bar; with Rolling Stones and Afghan Whigs as background noise; Bill Hicks videos and New England Patriots games on a huge tv. Pinball. Golden Tee. Darts. Loud and quiet. A bar; we'll eat turkey burritos, pour Code Red on ice cream, and rub pretty pink female things all over our faces. We'll write notes, tell secrets, pretend to read each other's journals, cry, and compare CD collections. We'll draw with crayons, make prank phone calls; discuss weather and seasons. We'll hug AND kiss, and take turns pleasing each other. Eventually we may even get drunk and pass out. And when we wake up, we'll still be in the bar! It's a world within a world; a plot inside a movie, a life inside a box. It's not real, and it never fucking meant to be. It wasn't the bar's idea to be here, okay? This was all somebody else's master-fucking-plan, and I hope that they are as entertained as I plan to be. Wow. Time to take a shower and go drink.

October 2005

(I actually e-mailed this one.)

1. What is your occupation? Do I have to be honest? Okay; I am a twice-failed radio DJ, and currently employed as a TSR (telephone sales representative) A phone whore. Ha. You can call it an "occupation"; but it ain't. It's low-paying, unappreciated, and a major source of stress. But it does keep your mind sharp, and your wit intact. And I get to keep hanging around people half my age or younger; and many of them are in bands. It ain't all that different FROM the radio.

2. What color is your underwear? Checking now; very nice. These are some of my best FTL grey boxer briefs. Very comfortable; I would say that these are about as close to really soft GIRL'S underwear as you can get. I'm a pretty, pretty man.

3. What are you listening to right now? The band Orbit; "Bicycle Song" and "Medicine" on repeat.

4. What was the last thing you ate? Lunch; turkey sandwich with hot mustard, crackers, a can of V8, and a Washington apple.

5. Do you wish on stars? I wish on everything; stars are common things to wish upon. Lately I've been trying to keep a smile on my face (my FCP's orders), so I've been wishing on many things. Blades of grass, holes in ceiling tiles, and leaves turning brown. Watching the leaves fall from the trees is nice, and I wish for things as they fall. I like October.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? My 2 common answers are Midnight Blue and Mango Tango. Today I would be Aqua Green, fading to slightly tan, and falling from a huge, happy tree. (There are more leaves around here than I've EVER seen before)

7. How is the weather right now? Nice. Sunny, and about 55 degrees.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? This really cool chick in Carolina; she also sent me this e-mail.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I like her more than mortal words can display. Love, obsession, romantic fascination, and "president of her fan club" are just 'branches in the bush' of how strongly I feel for her.

10. How old are you today? 4000 years old; give or take 3960 years. Trent Reznor and I can think of at least 40 reasons to NOT want to answer this question, okay?

12. Favorite sport to watch? Football and hockey. I still like women's gymnastics and Indy car races, too. I used to love both, but no longer waste my time on either baseball or basketball.

13. Have you ever dyed your hair? I don't think so. But now that I keep my hair very short, I could dye it 1984 Elvis Costello Black. That would be a great name for a hair color--by the way.

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? No (but if I did, I would wear 1984 Elvis Costello Black glasses). I have barely good enough vision to keep passing driving tests, and so I don't worry about refining my vision or interpretation of this strange world. In fact, I would go so far as to say that "vision" comes from within; putting glass or plastic distortions in front of your eyes so as to focus on, or emphasize certain parts of "sight" may not be such a great idea. My girlfriend might agree with that--and she wears glasses.

15. Pets? Across the hall from me there is a single guinea pig that I spoil. Someday I will have a yard and a frisbee dog.

16. Favorite month? Yeah; probably here in October.

17. Favorite food? I have answered this question before with "chocolate and bar-b-que". Today I will go with...sandwiches. That's burgers of all kinds; regular bread sandwiches from 1,000 different delis and kitchens; that's also crackers with toppings--even that new "Ciabatta" thing on the Jack in the Box commercial. I don't even know what it is, or what it entails; it might even suck, but I will eat one soon enough. Sometimes you are the bread; and sometimes you are the meat, but life is all about the "sandwich".

18. What was the last movie you watched? Movie? As in; roughly 2 hours in front of a screen, watching a particular thought train play out? No movies here. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, PTI with Tony and Mike, and that's it. Oh! AMC is doing a full week of scary Halloween movies right now; I WANT to see the first 2 Texas Chainsaw massacre movies, Halloween 2, and the original Phantasm. But I haven't watched a movie that I remember since "March of the Penguins" during Battle of the Mom's back in the Summer. I'd like to go to a movie; I like movies. Maybe I should go solo to a movie and heckle it: "I paid $9 for this crap?!"

19. Favorite day of the year? Cool and dark football weather. Wait; what day? I don't know; how about we start a National Shut The Hell Up Day? Now there's a day that me and my peeps could appreciate. If you talk, then somebody bigger than you gets to slap you. I'm just dreaming now.

20. What do you do to vent anger? Bug my eyes out, shake violently, graphic hand gestures, then scream at the stupid people who infuriate me, and honk the horn; alot. Oh; and when I'm NOT driving, the gym is a good place to vent anger and relieve stress.

21. What was your favorite toy as a child? I have said Lego's, Tinkertoys, the Vertibird, slot cars, hand-held Mattel electronic games, and the smash 'em + crash 'em SSP cars. But I'm going to go with a fresh view of it...and it takes me back to the Lego's. I could pull out the Lego box any time I wanted to create something; anything. I had a rough idea of about how many pieces I had to work with, and about how much space they could cover. From that point, however, every visit to the Lego box could be a completely different story. It might take 2 minutes or 5 hours, it could be superficial, or of the most intricate (implied) detail. It was easy to get lost in; and even though ANYBODY could play with Lego's, NOBODY could play with them quite like I could. I played with Lego's as a child, and then I turned to writing poetry as a young adult; look at all of those connections up there. However; I never once claimed to be the best Lego builder ever.
(By the way, we changed music during this question. I was going to go with more of that newer Kristen Hirsch group "50 Foot Wave", and then I went digging for my old favorite "Dark Side of the Moon". Pink Floyd to my rescue. "Time" is now, baby. What are you bobbing your head to?)

22 Fall or Spring? Try to pay attention, okay? It's October right now. It's gorgeous football weather. There are leaves everywhere; I've never seen anything like this. Fall RULES the world right now.

23. Hugs or kisses? Hug me with your tongue, baby. Kiss me with your arms, too. Yes; and more of both. Thank you. I need more full-body hugs...some full-body kisses might be nice, too.

24. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry makes me think of pretty girls, pig tails and panties; red toenails, that Warrant video for "Cherry Pie", and the very rare naturally redheaded, fair-skinned American Beauty. My apologies to blueberries.

25. Do you want your friends to email you back? What friends? Does anybody actually read this crap?

26. Who is most likely to respond? You want me to predict which loser on my e-mail list, or which valued visitor to my website will actually take 30 minutes of their life and answer this thing? I'm going to guess and say 'nobody'. Nobody sober, anyway.

27. Who is least likely to respond? Read my answer to 26 again.

28. Living arrangements? I have the bigger bedroom with more sunlight; she has the smaller bedroom that is much darker. This is my 2nd apartment with my current excellent girlfriend.

29. When was the last time you cried? When reviewing the new Nine Inch Nails CD "With Teeth" a couple of weeks ago. It's good; it's THAT good.

30. What is on the floor of your closet? Well, let's go 5 different white trash bags full of clothes; 2 are old sheets, 1 is new sheets, 1 is dress ties, 1 is assorted gym clothes; 3 different suitcase-type things, and (of course) 1 red milkcrate full of odd baseball memorabilia. Great freakin' question; 'What's on the floor of your closet?'. I didn't know.

31. What did you do last night? Ate a pasta dinner my girlfriend cooked, and spent some quality time with her. Later I would do new back exercises--very limited and boring. I also played a little online poker, and thought about trying to write--tried to consider what might be blocking me from writing more.

32. Favorite smell? I'm stuck on this lotion stuff that my girlfriend uses; if I'm smelling it--then I must be close to her. I still dig both of the Nag Champa incense varieties, too. But if you want an honest answer, the crude will still reign, and the real response will have the word "panties" in it. See; I would preface this dumb question with "Excluding drugs, huffables, or underwear; what's your favorite smell?" Then my answer might be...baking bread, or garlic. Wait, no; "garlic bread baking". Look at me go; I oughta write these dumbass survey things.

(Crap; with the music, we made it up to "Us and Them", but now I have to go back to work.) Many hours later... (Back from work, and a Dr.'s visit; the music will now be Crumb's "Romance is a Slowdance".)

33. Favorite beverage? Hmmm. Rather than flip a coin between Code Red Mountain Dew and Live Wire Mountain Dew (citrus/orange), I'm going to remember a question earlier in this survey and say Code Redheaded toenail pigtail panties; DO ME. I mean; DEW ME!

34. Who inspires you? Rafael Palmeiro (that's a bad steroid joke; sorry). People who can help me change my own negative perception inspire me. And since there're only 2 people I talk to meaningfully, those would be my girlfriend, and my FCP.

35. What are you afraid of? Wow. Who knew I could just sit and stare so blankly for so long? What am I afraid of? Okay; I am going to run with this one. I'd been waiting, been a good boy, been keeping my emotions in check, only cussed once or 2wice; I was due for a blowout. Please skip to the next question now...Afraid? Of what? Can you expose me as a fraud? Did that crate full of poetry write ITSELF, mutherfucker? Did I NOT try to save this wretched planet? Am I ugly? Afraid? Is the world NOT full of shit--as I have said all along? What can I be proven wrong on; aliens? Alternative energy? Cannabalism? I have links to the higher forces, okay? I am starting to fear, honestly, starting to fear that I may not live long enough to see a few billion humans die. Awww. I wait for drugs, diseases, insects, contaminated consumables; and the catastrophe always gets averted at the last second. We've got big hopes now, BIG hopes for...some fucking bird flu? That's it? That's the best we can do--birds with fevers? Little kids aren't even scared of this crap. Let's force a great lake of MTBE into the water supply; that'd be pretty good--a silent killer of with neither smell nor taste. What we need here is a few flooded days of REAL acid rain. Acid, falling from the sky, eating your skin; the eye melts from the socket (biblical)--that's what I'm talking about. Wake me up when this plague of "sneezing penguins" is over. Bird flu, my ass. Okay, I will try to come back down from my frustrated upper level. Wait; one more jab: I am afraid that I have failed in my true calling of taking over the world, and then blowing it up.

36. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? I like burgers. I'll eat plain, fake ones with my girlfriend, cheesey ones by myself, and jalapeno burgers with my FCP. I'll sit around and create new burgers, every meal for the rest of my life. Sandwiches, baby. Sometimes you are the bread; and...never mind.

37. Favorite car? Oh please. Do you really WANT me to go off again? Choice of: a mass-produced transport vehicle created with no hint of respect for the world's environment or sustainability of natural resources is NO way to judge a person's true nature. And (by accident) I have wrecked (get it?) into the correct answer for one of these stupid questions. Go me. I currently drive a minivan that I would like to keep forever and drop a small electric engine into someday.

38. Favorite dog breed? I don't know. One that'll bite you.

39. Number of keys on your key ring? 2 or 4; that's not a guess--I have 2 key rings.

40. How many years at your current address? This is month #7 here in big O.

41. Favorite day of the week? I don't know. One that'll bite you. Wait; most of the world revolves on an axis of hatred for Mondays; right? So I proclaim "Monday" as the greatest day ever; now leave me alone.

42. How many states have you lived in? I see the problem now; we need to be more specific about the "states" involved here. But let's pretend you mean states like Illinois, Georgia, Arizona, and Oregon. I'm going to do some really tricky math and call that almost 4 complete states there, that I have lived in.

43. How many cities/towns have you lived in? More math? 2 in Illinois, and 2 in Georgia. So that's 4 + 2; looks like about 7 or 8 cities. Maybe.

That's it? 43 questions? Do you feel as though you have gotten to know me better? Great. Well do me one favor, and Shut The Hell Up about it. Go drive your car for some unnecessary reason, or go get something pierced. I'm going to come back to this thing 2maro; Saturday...

Yeah; hello again. Where are the questions about:

44 Piercings? None here.

45 Tattoos? Nope.

46 Marriages? Zero.

47 Kids? I am ALL the kid some crazy-assed woman will EVER need--ask my girlfriend, or my FCP.

48 # of ring tones on your cell phone? I wouldn't own a cell phone.

49 How big are the rims on your pimped out ride? Rims? You mean like, hubcaps? No. The WHEELS? Why would anyone CHANGE the wheels that came on the original vehicle--are you just looking to create new problems?

50 # of speakers in your car sound system? Speakers in my ride; yes, I have 4 speakers (3 of them work pretty well)...

51 Your car sound system?...that play my 16 yr. old stock AC/Delco cassette deck.

Finger on the pulse of the younger generation...Blessed or cursed; I'm around teens and 20-somethings everyday. They judge each other (after ink and piercings) by: variety of cell phone ring tones, size of their car's rims, and the # of speakers in their car's sound system. Hey, don't say shit to me; I just help 'em find their drugs, and tell 'em cool stories about pre-corporate radio. I was 20-something 20 years ago, and alot of us did ink and iron, too; we were kind-of on the front edge of all that. I just chose not to get ink done. I DID wear a round roach clip AS an ear-ring back in the 80's, but I considered that less of a jewelry statement--and more of an often-used tool. Our group started the whole face-iron thing, too. Again; I sort-of understood it--I just chose not to. Tongue-rings were really big with my age group; especially with girls. Not me; thank you. And the thought of some girl blowing me with a metal rod stuck through her tongue still scares me. Sorry. Back to survey stuff...

Ooo, wait; how about questions like
52 'The cost of your clothes and shoes'? Shoes; my Mom bought me some $50 Black Lugz mid-tops, and we put some good $20 Spenco cross trainer insoles in them. The last shoes I bought with my own money were green Nevado street-hikers from Big 5 Sports, back in Phoenix; about $20. I'd like to start my own line of footwear: "Cheap Bastard Shoes For Your Loser, Has-Been, $8 An Hour Telemarketing Life". My first style will be called "Downsized and Compromised". I'm not bitter.

53 Clothes? I wear denim and t-shirts everyday, bitch. What's it to ya? (Wait; no, the "question" is usually something like...)

54 What are you wearing right now? Okay, I'll play; my Fat City t-shirt (purple), and my wintery sweat pants (blue). Over there by the bed, on the floor, are the 2 pairs of blue jeans that I alternate between, and my (dirty) black Mountain Dew shirt that I will wear later when I go to the recycling bins.

I'm a responsible cheap bastard, thank you. And I'll be buying more Code Redheaded Mountain Dew today with my recycling money. See? NOW you have gotten to know me better; you lucky little porn star. Me? I have drunk my 3 cups of coffee, and am bored with this now. I'm about to start drinking Red Dew (gee, imagine), clean a little more of the apartment, get ready for the GA/FLA game on CBS, cook a pizza, and listen to that new Nine Inch Nails CD "With Teeth", again. It's good; it's THAT good. Thank you.

Yet Still Another "About You"; November 2005

Didn't we just do one of these like, a month ago?

1. First Name? W

2. Were you named after anyone? I'll ask the silly, round woman involved in my birth that question. But be prepared for some elaborately disappointed joke answer. Or maybe she'll just be all pissy. I've been teaching her to not hold back her emotions anymore. She may cut loose.

3. Do you wish on stars? I wish upon many things, and those wishes begin with my eyes shut. 'Wishing upon stars' implies looking up at the stars and announcing a wish. Haven't done that in years, actually, but I will now. Nope; it's too cloudy. So I wished upon raindrops.

4. When did you last cry? The Meatloaf movie! I have a videotape named "4 Hours of Meatloaf". VH-1's "Back to Hell" I think is the name of the movie. I have more plans for all of that, too. The actor who plays Meatloaf's first name in real life is also "W.". Ha!

5. Do you like your handwriting? Used to. It's a bummer that back problems cause limitations to writing quality. It has gotten harder to write neatly as I age. But, yeah, I like my handwriting. I know people who have semi-serious jobs; jobs that depend on neat handwriting, and many of those people cannot write legibly. I find this amusing.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Favorite? Back in 1987, I once ate gourmet Caricola (spell?) spiced ham out of a dirty cooler in the garage of a 5-Points gas station in Athens, GA; it was the finest sliced meat I ever tasted--still is. I discovered the deli-sliced peppered turkey back in Summer 2003; yum. I eat honey turkey lunch "skinny meat" Buddig packs on a daily basis. Then I add hot mustard made locally, and cheap cheese. Maybe I should get some better cheese. Does this question make everybody hungry?

7. What is your birth date? I'm 3 weeks older than Shania Twain; August, 1965. Never mind; I mention her only because she is who my girlfriend looked like when I met her. I am one year (to the day) younger than hockey legend Brett Hull; thank you.

8. Mountains or Beach? Wow. I've never been asked that. Have vacationed in both, but have not lived in either. My Mom lives at the beach, and it hardly interests me. But there is no denying the sense of urgency I feel to experience Myrtle Beach, SC. I have roots in Georgia, a few connections to Tennessee --which includes the Smokey Mountains, and a newer interest in Virginia. I may be heading back over to the east coast...for some mountains and some valleys! Mountains or Beach? Yes.

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? I would not try to get close to a person who sincerely asked me to not get close to him. I would offer frisbee throws and games of pinball if that is what was asked by some fairly cool older guy with a good voice, and interesting music stories. I'd buy him a beer and let him talk, sure, but let's not get all pushy with the "friends" stuff.

10. Do you have a journal? Not really. I used to write a daily journal because I had plans to save the world--and wanted to keep track of how it all came together (ah, idealism). For years I did Personal News on my website, but then that got me in trouble recently with some people who are trapped in a high school mentality. Now...I have a special friend who encourages me to write anything and e-mail it to her. It winds up being journal-ish, and a great outlet--this may be the best thing yet. I could detail what she has helped me to accomplish, but that'd just bragging on both of us.

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Wow. I have recently been examining how much I use sarcasm, and how important it is to me. Announcer-types appreciate sarcasm. Frequently. And the attitude problem--you gotta have the attitude problem. I was just talking about this today with a guy over in Springtuckey. He says "Sometimes when I get here, I remind them that they're lucky I even bothered to show up today." And I replied "Oh I do that everyday; and I've done that at every job I've ever had."

12. Do you have a nickname? As part of this special promotion, If you act now, for just a limited time; call me "WD-40".

13. Would you bungee jump? For alot of money, maybe. I'm talking least $3 million--before I would even consider it. Ever seen that tv show "Maximum Exposure"? They always have some toothless guy with a broken face trying to mumble through some explanation of what went wrong during his failed bungee attempt. I just don't see alot of philosophers or comedians bungee-jumping. If it were an activity indulged by college graduates, or even poets looking for inspiration, perhaps. But as it stands right now; no bungee here.

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes. I bought some more new shoes today; mid-height street-hikers, beige and black. I have to wear really stable shoes for my lower back problems. Not to complain, though; I haven't twisted an ankle in years.

15. Do you think that you are strong? How vague can we get? I will be getting much stronger; physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm "exercising" all 3 right now. Strength comes from different sources, and true strength begins with a belief in yourself.

16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Complicated ice cream; nuts, swirls, chunks; surprise me.

17. Shoe Size? 11 M

18. Red or pink? While taking this survey, right here, right now; I just learned that...I don't like red so much anymore. So it's all pink pigtail ribbons with little pink balls, pink bubblegum lip gloss, pink fingernails, a soft pink bra, pink satin panties, and pink toenails. Maybe we could do some red fingernails sometimes...

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? In the past, I have frequently chosen to "settle". Perhaps I should demand more from myself, and expect more. Lately I have been thinking about some of the wonderful things I already have, and how I want more, so that I can appreciate more. This could wind up being a very good thing--not selfish. In some ways, perhaps I have not been selfish enough to demand more for/from myself. I will be making some changes here very soon.

20. Who do you miss most? Not a fair question. Tandy. 8:15. Hey Hot Dog. Wait, stop, freeze, hold it, go back. Perhaps the greatest adult influence of my life was a handyman who lived out of his car.

21. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I have to send it? Any person who might need a little butt-sqeeze of their creativity should try to use this e-mail as a starting point, and go. Make something happen. Play at your own risk, baby. Sure; send it back.

22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? dark blue sweatpants, and barefoot. Cold feet here, thinking about some pretty girl feet with pink toenails, wiggling toes.

23. What are you listening to right now? Throwing Muses, and now Meatloaf. "You took the words right out of my mouth; it must have been while you were kissing me."

24. Last thing you ate? 2 piles of different veggie dinner leftovers, thrown in the frying pan with some jalapeno juice, and some freshly cut serrano peppers. I like to take leftovers of the cool veggie food that I cook for my vegan girlfriend, and then throw in hot stuff that I like.

25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I was 2 colors today (12-1-05); early on I was the miserable brownish-gray (like poop) that nobody wants around. After 4 pm, I became the silvery, sparkly better-than-gray that inspires possiblity and confidence.

26. What is the weather like right now? It's right above freezing; drizzling, dark and quiet. Earlier today was foggy, rainy, windy, and loud.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? Not a fair question. My last phone call today was a sale at work (good). I will be doing a commentary on phone calls/cell phones, and the way we interpret their importance, and their overall inclusion in the modern world. Here's my deal; I don't have a cell phone, and doubt I'll be getting one anytime soon. My work involves the telephone--always has. And I'm not going to spend my life outside of work with a phone glued to my ear. I usually do not TAKE calls; I MAKE them.

28. 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex? Usually eyes; eyes tend to reveal the general expression of the face.

29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Very much. I could explain it to some degree, but that'd just be bragging on both of us.

30. Favorite Drink? Coffee today. Mountain Dew has a whole family now (their "family" even has a pitch black sheep now). At night, I drink root beer--with no caffeine. Locally brewed beer is excellent, too. I predict pink wine coolers in my future, as well. I am the only person I know who has NOT drunk an energy drink yet.

31. What is your favorite sport? Vague. Watch football; throw frisbee. Female gymnastics is pretty entertaining, too. And I watch auto races for their pit work--not crashes.

32. Hair Color? Light brown crap, with dark spots and white splotches that begs to soon be a shaved head. My girlfriend said once that she might shave her head if I shave mine. That's like a dare, isn't it?

33. Eye Color? Soft blue. My eyes; believe it or not, are very warm and friendly; bordering on the mature and romantic. But that honeymoon ends as soon as I open my mouth and start cussing.

34. Do you wear contacts? Even if I wore glasses, I would just wear glasses. The idea of putting things onto my eyeballs seems about as dumb as dumb can get. But don't let me influence you; have fun bungee-jumping, too.

35. Favorite Food? What is today's special? For a lover of food, this changes everyday. I've been wanting a rack of ribs. Fresh ground peanut butter and strawberry preserves. Home-made bread is good, too.

36. Last Movie You Watched? Um, the Meatloaf movie! VH-1's "Back to Hell" or something. W's in it.

37. Favorite Day of the Year? Let's go with any day that is not dictated by pain (said the old man with back problems).

38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Death or dismemberment, please. Explosions and expulsions. Blood and screaming; now THAT'S a happy ending.

39. Summer or winter? The grass is greener? Summer.

40. Hugs OR Kisses? More of both. I want my mouth to be tired from kissing; arms hurting from holding a hottie close to me.

41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Today I'll say chocolate on chocolate cheesecake; I don't even know if it exists, but that's my answer.

42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? Define "respond". People will email me and type 'I got your stupid thing.'

43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? The people who don't email me and type 'I got your stupid thing.'

44. Living Arrangements? A tiny 2-bedroom townhouse that I share with my awesome girlfriend.

45. What books are you reading? Not reading a book. That will change, though. I'm going to get something about relaxation, leaning toward meditation, leaning toward spiritual awareness, leaning toward internal self-improvement.

46. What is on Your Mouse Pad? Purple swirly with a gel-ish wrist rest.

47. What did you watch on T.V last night? House; taped Tuesday, watched Wednesday. Earlier tonight I watched 2 days of Pardon The Interruption, and the Daily Show.

48. Favorite Sounds? Music and pinball machines. Good comedy. Hmmm; honest laughter and giggling from a female who is interested in me.

49. What's the farthest you've been from home? Port Angeles, WA was a little further away from Georgia than Cozumel, Mexico was. I will not be leaving North America, ever, except maybe on a huge boat.

I do these little "about you"'s when my creativity needs a kick, or when I can't sleep. Nobody is EVER under any obligation to copy, paste, forward, do-over, keep track, and/or resend anything from an e-mail, or on my website. If you need a boost, by all means, answer a few questions and see if anything develops in front of you. Otherwise; go back to your incredibly important life and shut up.

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